IDENTITY CRISIS :❓❓❓: PART THREE


The Next Day...

That forty minute power nap in the nurse's office didn't help much... except to turn my legs rubbery and achy.

I spent the rest of the day trying to find her... had no luck tracking her down at lockers this morning, or at lunch. I swear it's almost like she knows I'm trying to find her and she's hiding. But then I finally spotted her coming out of the auditorium and she had nowhere left to run. She's fast but my legs are longer... and I don't give up that easy.

"So I heard a nasty rumor that Jesse St. James is back in town. And I also heard that he is going to be your date." Crap. Did that sound like me being a jealous boyfriend? I was aiming for concerned friend. Not sure I pulled it off though.

"No, he's joining Mercedes and Sam and I at our prom on a budget. He's going to be in town for a while, though, so I'm not sure what's going to come of it." So it's true. AWESOME. Just fucking AWESOME.

"I just– I don't trust him. Don't you remember what he did to you, how awful he was?" There, that sounded more like concerned friend than jealous dude, right?

"You can't tell me what to do anymore, okay? If I want to date Jesse, or anyone for that matter, it stopped being your business when you broke up with me." Dammit! Okay it's a valid argument but that doesn't mean I wanted to hear it. And she doesn't understand... say something Hudson, make her understand!

"I-I still care about you." Okay. Definitely sounds like jealous dude. Can't be helped though. And I KNOW she's not wrong, but I still feel the way I feel.

"Look, all I ask is that whoever I choose, that you be as supportive of me as I have been of you and Quinn, even though I'm dying every day inside about it."

WHOA... well, that's about as close as it gets to her telling me she still loves me without actually saying it, right? It's hurting her. She wouldn't hurt if she didn't care, right? I wonder how many nights she's been up like I was last night, freaking out. Replaying everything. Remembering us. Looking for some kind of answers, some kind of peace of mind... She still cares. And now I know she does... and maybe I know just how much, too.

So what do I say to her now? I can't keep sounding like the jealous ex. That's a douchey way to be... So maybe, keep trying the friends route. At least that way we're still talking, right? But all I have at the ready in my brain (thanks to the robotic programming I've been subjected to for MONTHS now) is prom prom prom.

"You know, I don't even want to go to the stupid prom anymore. Quinn has got me handing out pens with our names on them. Where's the dignity? And I hate renting those tuxes, and the corsage– I know I'm going to pick the wrong one

and then Quinn's going to be all pissed off and her mom's going to look at me like—"

"Hey, just... just get her something simple– a wrist corsage. Girls like Quinn– you don't want to do anything that's going to distract from their face, so ask for a gardenia with a, with a light green ribbon wrapped around it to match her eyes. Okay?"

What the hell... advice? Of course she'd give me advice. She's got too big of a heart to do anything else. She walked away and left me standing there. She had that look on her face that was so... so sad. Broken. It actually makes me nauseous to see her look like that. I guess I shoulda shut up about all the prom stuff.

But... but what the hell did she mean that he's gonna be around a while and she doesn't know what's gonna come of it? She wouldn't really get back with him, would she? I mean he was a complete ASS-CLOWN who egged her! He just used her, took advantage of her feelings, lied to her and broke her... her heart.

Yeah, sounds familiar.

Fuck.


Prom Day...

"Hey Kurt? Kurt! KURT!"

"Okay okay, I'm here, geez Finnegan, no need to wake the dead! What do you need?" That's easy. Rachel.

"Um, sorry. Can you tie this for me please? You know I'll just screw it up."

"Of course, Finn, don't I always? Hold still– what the heck did you do to this thing? Oh for the love of– Finn! I already had the knot started, you just needed to– UGH this is hopeless! Just take it off. I'll have to steam press these wrinkles out first and start all over. Come, step into my office."

"You mean your bedroom."

"Same difference... Pull up a beanbag, I'll have this sorted in a jiff."

"So um... have you uh, talked to Rachel?"

"Of course I've– wait. Why are you asking?"

"Oh. Um. I dunno, no reason. Just making conversation."

"About Rachel? You never just make conversation about Rachel Berry. In fact, as I recall, there was quite a long period in recent memory in which the mere mention of her name directly or indirectly was completely taboo and off limits."

"Well there's a first time for everything, isn't there?"

Crap. There's the huff and the eye roll and I know what's coming next – yep, right on cue: hand on hip with foot tap.

"What's going on, Finn."

"Nothing? What d'you mean..."

"I mean I KNOW YOU. You've been an emotional powder keg for months. You better not screw up her night, Finn Hudson! Nevermind your own date, but Rachel is just starting to get to a better place and–"

"Wh-what are you... of course I wouldn't screw up her night! Geez, judgy much?"

"Uh-huh."

"Oh, put your eyebrow down already! I just... just tell me, is she okay, Kurt? Like, is she... is she happy?"

"She... is doing as well as she can be. She's trying. . . Finn, does this line of questioning have anything to do with a certain traitorous EX of hers being back in town?"

"Of course it does, Kurt."

"I see. So... Have you maybe tried discussing it with HER?"

"Yeah. Well, sort of. It uh... It didn't go so well though."

"Oh? ... Well? What was said?"

"As if she didn't tell you, assuming you actually talked to her."

"Actually yes, I have, and no, she did not."

"Well if she didn't say anything to YOU, then... then maybe it doesn't matter how it went or what was said."

"Oh god. You still love her. Finn Hudson! You still love Rachel, don't you."

"I... {{sigh}} I'm always gonna love her, Kurt. It's just, I don't know if that matters anymore. Thanks for fixing my tie. How do I look?"

"You look very dashing, Finn. But–"

"Great thanks. Hey, I gotta go. Quinn's waiting. See you guys at the Stix?"

"No, Blaine and I are... wait, you're going to Breadstix?"

"Yeah, Quinn wants to 'mingle' ... whatever."

"Finn, maybe... um. Okay, you do know you won't be the only McKinley prom-goers there, right? I mean, other couples will be there too..."

"Uh, yeah, that's kind of the whole reason Quinn wants to go? Last minute campaigning crap I guess. Whatever I just want to get this night over with."

"Right. Okay... Just. Have a good night Finn, and good luck with the whole king and queen thing. I voted for you."

"Thanks little brother."

"I'm still older than you y'know."

"And you're still smaller."

:❓⭐🎵❓:


"Wow." Okay, I guess she found the right shade of blue. Damn, she's beautiful.

And holy hell she actually liked the corsage... the green ribbon was a stroke of genius. Of course it was, look who suggested it.

Things are going really good so far. We got through pictures and chatting with her mom. And crap I guess I spoke too soon... Things WERE fine, until we got in the damn limo and the nagging resumed and prom-panic set in again.

"What if we don't win?"

"Quinn, we'll survive. The world will keep spinning... and there's always another shot at it next year, right?"

"Finn, you sound so pessimistic! You were supposed to say there's no chance we can lose! I want BOTH crowns! Anyway... what if I win and you don't?"

"I will thank Grilled Cheesus for small miracles." OUCH! I guess I said that out loud? Geez she hits hard for a girl.

"Well with that attitude it's a wonder we even made it on the ballot! Finn, you have to project positivity and be..." yeah yeah— tuning you out now.

If she doesn't win this stupid crown how am I EVER gonna be able to put up with her? Maybe I shouldn't worry about it... I have a really strong feeling that after tonight a change is coming, one way or another.

"Do we really have to go to Breadstix? I mean, I bet Houlihan's still has loads of room and they have this spicy cauliflower that–"

"Finn! God you're hopeless! I'm NOT going to a stupid SPORTS bar on my prom night." I thought it was OUR prom night? HAHA I crack myself up... like, when was it ever? "Besides, we need to do a final round working the room... there could still be a few undecided votes..." aaaaand tuning you out again.

I wonder what Rachel's dress looks like. I wonder if ass-face bothered to get her a corsage. I wonder how I'm gonna get through this night seeing her in someone else's arms, especially his...

:❓❓❓:


At Breadstix...

Okay we should leave. Now. We should not be here and we should definitely not go to THAT table... We should–

"Hey, guys. You look amazing! And don't forget to vote for Hudson-Fabray tonight."

UGH. Campaign Quinn. I used to think Scary Quinn was my least favorite... I just want this to be over already. Votes are probably all in by now anyway! Her and that FAKE smile and that FAKE cheerfulness... How can she be so beautiful and yet so NOT at the same time?

So of course we get to Breadstix and the very first thing Quinn does is head straight for Rachel's table.

And god... Rachel... She looks flawless, like an angel. She's perfect. Every single thing about her is absolutely perfect. Except for that giant lump of SHIT sitting next to her...

Yeah, go ahead, look at me, you douchebag. I know who you are and I can already see nothing's changed... Mr Schue shouldn't have stopped me from going all Braveheart on your face last year. AAARGH and there's that asshole-y goddamned SMIRK!

"Hey, Jesse. What'd you order, scrambled eggs? I mean, I know you usually like them served on people's heads." Oh shit, why did I say that? Well... maybe it was better to say that than to DO what I was actually thinking... like how knocking his teeth down his throat would be a really good look on him (not to mention a long overdue payback for what he did to her last year).

OW... okay Quinn, you really didn't need to dig your nails into me! Maybe SHE should be headed to acting school because look at her, smiling like nothing's wrong, but I KNOW I'm gonna have to deal with Scary Quinn the minute we walk away from this table...

"Quinn, you look stunning. The ghost of Grace Kelly. Let me know if you get tired of your boyfriend stomping on your pretty little feet all night. I'll be more than happy to cut in."

What the hell! I'd be super happy to cut in on HIM right about now... DAMMIT this was a bad idea. Kurt was right, he was trying to warn me. Rachel looks mad, or sad or... I don't exactly know. Her expression keeps changing. And why the fuck is he hitting on my date? Isn't it enough he's got my... my ex. EX. GAHHHH! I don't wanna call her that but, she is, right?

I guess it's a good thing for Mercedes, because I definitely had a response all teed up for St Jagoff – it's right here in the ball of my fist. Hey Jesse, wanna see? "Okay, hush, you guys. You're totally ruining the vibe. Quinn, you look hot. Finn, you look handsome. Love you guys, but get lost."

Get lost. Well that should be pretty easy... I've already been there, for quite a while now I think.

Rachel looks amazing, if a little confused... and Quinn looks totally pissed now. Aw man... here it comes...

"Finn, what exactly was that about?" Oh okay, we're keeping our fake show-smiles on while we do this. Fine, I can play that game too.

"What was what?"

"You know what. Your snide comments to Jesse."

"Quinn... let it go."

"No. Tell me what the hell was going through that thick head of yours to say that to him?"

"What was going through my head was that he is still the same bastard that TP'd our choir room. And he is still the same snake who acted as a SPY to try to ruin New Directions. And he is still the same jerk who—"

"Who Rachel dated instead of you last year, and who is her date again tonight."

"Stop. This isn't about Rachel." Yes it is, not like I don't know that. But I can NOT say that to her.

"Really, Finn? Because your comments to him were EXACTLY all about Rachel, not the trashed choir room and not the glee club."

"I said let's drop it. {{SIGH}} Okay you're right... He doesn't matter.. and you want to win tonight, right? So let's mingle, or whatever. You look incredible and this is your night. Let's just try to have a good time, forget about all that crap. 'Kay?" She smiled and kissed my cheek, so I hope that's the end of this really uncomfortable conversation.

:❓❓❓:


At the Prom...

She's amazing. Just breathtaking. But she always takes my breath away. That color on her is perfect. And she looks really happy... without me. Happier than I've seen her in a long time. I'm really glad she has some true friends now. But seems like she doesn't need me anymore I guess? Seems like she's moved on. And like, why shouldn't she? Isn't that what I've been wanting her to do all these months?

Well, no... I wanted her to give me some space. Some time to get over my anger and hurt, time to heal. I never wanted her to just forget I exist. It's been weeks since regionals, and in those weeks she has barely said one word to me. Not even in Glee.

Alright look, I know what I SAID I wanted... but all this time without even talking to her at all? Without at least having her friendship? Without us singing together... It just all feels so wrong. And I miss her.

That stakeout we went on to spy on Sam at the motel was really hard. It was some kind of torture being in such a confined space with her, breathing her in, feeling her warmth right next to me. Hearing her sweet voice so close. Seeing those big doe eyes and all the expressions that ooze from them... she still melts me into a puddle of goo, just with one look. We have so many good memories in my truck and part of me seriously felt like I wanted to pull her into my lap and just kiss all the air out of her lungs.

Then Fleetwood Mac week in Glee, she sang that Lindsey Buckingham song...

Loving you isn't the right thing to do
How can I ever change things that I feel?
If I could, baby I'd give you my world
How can I? When you won't take it from me?
You can go your own way...

Like I don't know the message in that song was directed to me. I heard every word. Felt it too. Same as her original song. Same as EVERY song she sings. That'll never stop... she's like, in my DNA now or something. I've spent months trying to not feel it, but it's still there every time.

And every time she moved around me at my drum kit I was remembering all the other times she'd done that when we performed together... except all those other times, she'd drag a hand over my shoulders or down my arm, or catch my cheek just briefly, or ruffle my hair, or touch my back between my shoulder blades. I think I have phantom touch syndrome, like an amputee who still feels a missing limb, because even though she didn't actually lay a finger on me I could still FEEL her as if she had. My body was tensing and preparing for the sensation of her touch that never came, but I had goosebumps just the same.

And I sure as hell felt her voice... just like always. She'll always own me like that.

The song she sang, I think she was right. I CAN go my own way. My own way away from Quinn and back to Rachel.

I need to talk to her. Maybe if I can say... something? I don't know what I was thinking but as soon as I saw her head out of the gymnasium into the hallway by herself, my feet were just all of a sudden pulling me along with her, like we're connected on a train track. Like she's the engine and I'm the caboose (as usual).

I get out there and she's leaning against the lockers and... she's crying?

I couldn't stop myself. Next thing I know she's in my arms and I'm fighting the urge to kiss the top of her head. "Rach? Hey... hey... Talk to me, are you okay? What happened? Did he do something, or say something? 'Cause I'll kick his—"

I don't even know how one second she was so warm and soft in my arms and the world felt right again for just a moment, then the next second I felt her palms slam into my chest and she's like five feet away from me looking like I just slapped her.

And she's REALLY mad.

"You'll do what exactly, Finn? What do you think you'll do? You're worried about Jesse? JESSE?! Seriously? Finn, why are you even here?"

"Um... it's prom... I'm..."

"Yes, Finn, no SHIT. It's prom, and your date is in there, probably wondering where you went. What I meant was, why are you HERE, in this hallway with me at this moment?" WHOA. I think I'm in trouble now... she's cussing? And pissed, and I really wish I had a good answer...

"I just... Rachel, I just wanted to talk for a minute, to see... see if you're okay. And I found you crying, so no, I guess you're not and–"

"And you have NO RIGHT, Finn! I told you earlier. I'm free to see anyone I choose because you broke up with me. And you, y-you don't know why I'm crying, but I can tell you it has nothing to do with Jesse! You don't know what this is like for me! And you clearly do NOT care, because despite it all, despite the apologies, the begging, the pleading, the SPACE I've given you, the damn SONGS I've written... not one bit of it matters to you! It hasn't made one bit of difference!"

"Rachel that's not tr—"

"Yes, it is Finn! Nothing I've done has served any purpose except to keep you dangling just right there, out of my reach, just beyond arm's length. You're still with Quinn and I'm still... just someone you used to date. We can still be friends, right? That's what you said? Well, NO Finn. No. I don't think we can be friends. I can't.. I can't... I just can't FEEL like this anymore! I want so badly to turn back time and change what I did that hurt you so much, the awful thing I did that cut you so deep, I want to erase it, or take the pain myself instead of you feeling it... But I can't do that, and constantly seeing you with her, knowing you could overlook the BIG thing she did and LIED about, but not forgive the SMALL thing I did and confessed to right away... well what does that say about US? About how you feel about me? But it's okay Finn. I get it now. Clearly she means more to you than I do and you're done with me. I'm nothing but a 'friend' now... except I don't know how to only be your friend, Finn!... And... So I'm trying, okay? I'm trying so hard to just move on and be—"

Oh god how I needed her lips. I needed to taste them and feel them so badly, so I did it – I just wasn't even thinking. Tears were running down my face and I just didn't give a shit who saw, if anyone did. I was like a man possessed and she was right there and I just had to kiss it away. I had to try to kiss away the hurt, try to make her understand. She thinks I don't care? How could she think I don't care? So I just kissed her, hard. She even kissed me back for a moment and it was like being born again. Like that stupid offensive song we sang for Duets week at the beginning of the year, only without the stupid costumes – but the lyrics fit exactly how I felt in that moment.

I was half not whole, in step with none
Reaching through this world, in need of one
Come show me your kindness
In your arms I now I'll find this
Woman, don't you know with you I'm born again?

So why am I the least bit surprised about the huge SLAP I just took across the face. Oh right... I'm not.

"Rachel, I'm sorry, please—"

"NO! Stay away, Finn! Please... We just... there's just no in-betweens for us, Finn. I'm here with Jesse and you're here with Quinn. Just... Go back to your date. To your girlfriend. I hope you both win. I voted for you. Quinn looks really beautiful tonight, but then, she always does, doesn't she."

"Rach, please..."

"Go, Finn. Before she comes out here looking for you."

Then almost as if on cue, here comes St Jackass.

"Rachel, is everything okay?"

She hurried up and slapped on her show smile and beamed at him. "Yeah, let's go get some punch okay?"

He wrapped his slimy arm around her waist and she smiled at him and just like that she was gone back into the dance with the bane of my existence. I was so tempted to just walk out of this place and go home. But then Quinn came through the doors not long after Rachel and the douchebag left me in the hallway, just like Rachel predicted she would.

:❓❓❓:


"Come dance with me Finn!"

"Quinn, you know I suck at dancing and my feet are getting kinda tired."

"That's not a valid excuse Finn. You're going to dance with me at our first prom together and you're going to at least pretend to be having a good time."

Pretend. Yeah, I can do that. I've been actually A PRO at doing that, haven't I?

So we danced to a couple fast songs (well, she danced, I kinda shifted my weight from foot to foot and tried not to hurt anyone by swinging my arms around too much), then I looked up and saw Rachel taking the stage.

I felt this total rush of adrenaline flood through me because that's what happens every time I'm about to hear her sing. I should've guessed it'd be a slow song, and Quinn was wrapping around me like I was gonna run away.

To be honest, I really wanted to as soon as I pieced together the song Rachel was signing.

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

I couldn't take my eyes off her, even though every word of that song was like a razorblade carving me into bits. What's worse is the way she was most absolutely directing it at me, because seemed she couldn't take her eyes off me either. Rachel's never been shy about her feelings, and her stage presence is so big and so awesome I couldn't hide from that message if I were deaf and blind. All I could feel was my heart squeezing tighter and tighter and I wanted nothing more than to rush the stage and take her away from this place, find a way to stop BOTH of us from hurting.

And for some bizarre reason, Quinn seems to be NOT catching on what was happening here... Or I dunno maybe she was? She kept cuddling closer to me and burying her face in my chest as we slow danced. And yeah, she feels nice and smells nice... but she's really not who I wanted in my arms at that moment. Or at all, I don't think.

Her green eyes turned up to look at me and she looked so sincere when she said "I'm so happy to be here with you. It's what I've always wanted." She reached up and put a hand on my cheek and kissed me softly on the lips, but all I could see when my eyes were closed was silky dark hair and big brown eyes and then I swore I could smell strawberries.

There's been so many times these past few months I've had to remember that while kissing Quinn I don't need to lift her up to save the ache in my neck. Quinn's a few inches taller than Rachel, and in heels she's just about the right height for kissing. But I'd so much rather have an aching neck right now, or have a hundred pounds of soft delicious tiny brunette wrapped around my neck with her feet dangling a foot off the ground and my arms wrapped tight around her little waist.

"I need a breather, Quinn. I'm hitting the men's room, be back in a bit."

That's probably not the response she hoped to hear after what she just said to me. Okay look, I know I'm being a dick here. I'm like, emotionally cheating on my current girlfriend with my ex. But given how things have happened in my life ever since Rachel came into it, seems like we're just about right on track, aren't we?

I mean, I kissed Rachel twice while dating Quinn the last time. I sat in the audience during Glee listening to Rachel sing and felt my pulse race and wishing I could just get up and kiss her every time, just like I'm doing now. Only, all the other times I've heard Rach sing, it's usually love songs or inspirational songs, not 'you tore my heart out and stuffed it in a jar' songs... Does she really think that little of me now? That I could just hurt her like that on purpose?

FUCK. Okay I know, this IS hurting her, me dating Quinn, me being at prom with Quinn. But I know it because it's also hurting ME too! RACHEL should be here as my date. And no other asshole should be allowed to put his grimey paws all over her.

I've acted like such a JERK for months now. I should've just forgiven her and sorted all this crap out months ago. And she's right about the difference between how Quinn hurt me and what she did kissing Puck... I guess it doesn't make sense how I can forgive Quinn. I should've forgiven Rach long ago – well, I should've TOLD her I already forgave her a long time ago... but I really should NOT have broken up with her over it.

Way to have this epiphany now, Mr Day Late and Dollar Short Hudson.

"Well well, Hudson. Enjoying the evening's festivities? Despite seeing you on the dance floor a few times, it appears your date's toes are all still intact based on the fact that she can still walk so far – though, the night is young."

JUST GREAT! Exactly who I DON'T need to see right now... can't a guy even take a piss and have an emotional breakdown in peace?!

"What are you doing here, St James."

"Me? Oh, sorry I thought it was clear, I'm Rachel's date for the evening, in case you missed that detail... But you know, attention to detail not being one of your strong suits and all, I guess I don't mind giving you that refresher."

"Ah... fuck you."

"Quite the BRUTE aren't you, Tarzan? And such a learned vocabulary you possess."

"Listen, ASSHOLE. I'm really not in the mood for your mouth right now. Just know I'll be keeping a close eye on you. If you think of doing anything at all to hurt Rachel again, it'll be the last thing you ever do."

"Hurt her? Good god man, I'd never dream of hurting her! Certainly not a second time. I'll admit, I made regrettable mistakes in the past.. But unlike YOU, I learned from my mistakes. So she and I talked through all our past issues, and she has graciously, without hesitation, forgiven me. No sir... hurting her seems to be more your forte these days."

FUCK! Is it wrong to hate him all the more for being so RIGHT about everything he's saying? Just because he might be hitting too close to the truth doesn't make him less of a douche... matter of fact I think it makes him a BIGGER douche, if that were possible.

"Dude, can't you just get out of our lives? I thought you were in California. You graduated and ran off to be a big shot in college, and now you're back here at a JUNIOR PROM in high school. Don't you have a life or something?"

"I was in California, but now I'm back. Listen, Hudson. I'm sure this isn't easy for you, but then again, at her first faux-pas you dumped her like so much dirty dishwater, or like unwanted sweatpants at the GoodWill. This just further clarifies to me the fact that you truly do not understand her temperamental – if often dramatic – delicate emotional tendencies; traits most great artists tend to possess. Clearly you can't handle it. I've always known she and I were better suited for one another than the two of you. But don't fret... she's in far more capable hands now, with someone who deeply understands and appreciates her for all the wonderful gifts she possesses and for the amazing person she really is."

Is this dickwad for real? He thinks I don't understand Rachel? Or that I don't appreciate her? Okay I guess I have kind of a shoddy track record with her in the past... but that doesn't mean I don't care. Or that I don't love her. I've always loved her from day one... it just took me a little while to really figure things out. But HIM? He thinks HE'S more capable of caring about her than I am? Oh, hell no.

"You lied to her and used her. You broke her heart and humiliated her the last time."

"So did you."

FUCK! I just wanna lay this jerk out so bad... there's a toilet over there that I'm POSITIVE his face would fit in, despite his enormously huge EGO... I've got a size 13 ½ foot that's totally capable of making it fit.

"Things with me and Rachel are complicated and always have been. And they're also none of your fucking business."

"Fair enough. Listen, I don't want to keep you and my date is awaiting my return as well. You also have a lovely date who, for whatever reason, is no doubt eager for your return as well. I sincerely didn't mean to pick a fight, so for the sake of the ladies shall we call a truce? This is supposed to be a very special night for BOTH our dates, after all."

"Yeah. Whatever. Just keep your distance from me and don't screw around with Rachel."

"Wouldn't dare dream of it."

I glared at him for a beat but nodded and turned to walk away, but then I heard him mumble "At least not until our personal after-party at our hotel room."

Just when I was turning back around preparing to introduce his face to my fist, Figgins popped in. "Good evening, Finn Hudson, Titans quarterback MVP and male lead of New Directions, and Mr St James, former transfer student and college drop-out. Are you gentlemen enjoying the dance so far?"

College drop-out? Well that's pretty laughable.

"Yeah Principal Figgins. It's just great," I grunted while still sending a death glare at the ass-hat across the room from me.

"Mr Finn Hudson, you should probably get back to the gymnasium, I believe the announcement for junior prom king and queen is coming up soon, and Miss Fabray is no doubt seeking your company."

"Uh, sure, thanks."

Before I could walk out, Figgins grabbed my arm, flashed this really weird grin and whispered to me "By the way Mr Hudson, I still think the so-called Fin-chel has a much nicer ring to it than FOO-inn. You might wish to work on that. I'm personally hoping for a comeback." Then he winked. What the...?

"Um.. yeah. Totally. I'll see what I can do about that... thanks."

"Good man."

So I guess lady luck was on St Jackass's side, since that TOOL was seriously about to go home with a few less teeth than he'd arrived with before we got interrupted.

I really REALLY need this night to end. If I can just make it to the stupid announcements for king and queen, maybe I can fake sick and go the hell home. Quinn will either be too busy taking victory laps and like signing autographs or having a nervous breakdown afterward, but either way I don't wanna deal with it.

:❓❓❓:


I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you
He don't suspect a thing
I wish he'd get a clue
I'm not gonna teach him how to
Dance, dance, dance, dance

Quinn pulled me back out on the dance floor yet again. Blaine was doing a pretty kick-ass job of this Black Kids song, except I'm not able to pay any attention to him or to Quinn. Instead, the most beautiful sounding giggle in the world reached my ears, which of course pulled all my focus.

He was dancing with her and she was laughing and throwing her head back and he was touching her and kissing on her neck and FUCK! I just can't! I can't watch it for another second! I just kinda lost it. There was probably gonna be some kinda hell to pay with Quinn but I couldn't think about that at the time.

I made my way over to them and I could see the panicked look in Rachel's eyes right away.

"Hey! Hey, dude, keep it PG."

St Jackass spun around and puffed his puny chest out at me, as if THAT's supposed to intimidate me or something. "Dude, it's none of YB– your business."

"Well, this is my school, so it IS my business."

"Well, this isn't your girlfriend, so beat it, MJ."

MJ? What the hell does that even mean?

He turned back around to grab Rachel again and FUCK THAT, I warned him not to screw with her and yet here he is... I kept hearing his words in my head about taking her to a hotel room and I just couldn't let it happen.

I grabbed his arm to turn him back to face me, and the bastard PUSHED me!

So we're in this shoving match all of a sudden, and Rach and Quinn are both somewhere in my peripheral view, both yelling for us to stop, but all I could see was that smug ass face of his. He shoved me really hard and I just kept hearing all the shit he said in the men's room replaying in my head and finally I just took a swing at him.

Little fucker's quick on his feet though, I'll give him that much credit; not many people manage to dodge my punches on account of my long arms. Maybe that's one advantage of him and all his 'years of dance expertise' as he always liked to throw in my face.

Next thing I know Coach Sylvester is snatching me and him both up by the collars and throwing us out of the prom. I looked back long enough to see Quinn and Rach standing there, both stunned and on the verge of tears.

Shit. Shitshitshit! I just HAD to lose my cool tonight, right? Rachel's probably never gonna speak to me again, and Quinn probably isn't gonna STOP screaming at me.

What the fuck did I do.

:❓❓❓:


A/N - ONLY ONE CHAPTER TO GO... STAY TUNED!

🎵 SONG CREDITS:

'I'm Born Again' by Billy Preston & Syreeta Wright, from the 1979 album Late at Night

'Go Your Own Way' by Lindsey Buckingham

'I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance' by The Black Kids, from the 2008 album Partie Traumatic

'Jar of Hearts' by Christina Perri, from the 2011 album Lovestrong