A/N: I don't have words for how much I missed you. I missed you. Fiercely. Please lock me in a cellar and feed me blueberries while I write forever. Thank you.

Suffice to say that the worst of the posting schedule changes should be over now, and I'm expecting to be back to the normal-ish weekly updates somewhere in mid-September.

Many people have asked how many chapters this story is going to be. (I lie, it was not that many… maybe five? Yeah, I'm flattering myself.) I divide my outline (plot points) into chapters as I go along, usually five to ten chapters at a time, so I can't tell you exactly, but I'd be amazed if this story turned out to be under 60 chapters (and probably above 70 or 80). No promises, though. Sometimes I elaborate on a plot point wa-haayyy longer than I'd originally intended (and plot lines I expect to take five chapters can end up needing barely a paragraph). It's a living thing, writing, and I follow whatever makes most sense for my plot and characters—which is why I can't give you a concrete number. Regardless, there's a lot of fun ahead of us.

This update technically contains two chapters, but I'm going to pretend they're one and post them as chapter 42. Review twice if you want to make me happy, lol.

Get a cup of hot chocolate and buckle your seat belts, 'cause this one's a whopper.

Thrilled to be back!

…

Scheduled for Friday
by Anton M.

42: Heart Attack

…
Thursday, February 9

Edward's fingers played with the edge of my (his) hoodie, the one he thought of as mine, but his eyes hadn't left the insanely full birthday card I'd handed him. It was not just scribbled into by my co-stars on set but people at school, too, including some teachers, and I'd had to delegate the task of handing it around to Alice because I couldn't have ignored my boyfriend for a full school day without him suspecting—or worrying—that something was up.

No card had ever received such a faithful, reverent treatment (as mine to Edward did) after Alice found out that it had been signed by none other than Mike Newton. Poor girl nearly peed herself.

Edward arrived absurdly early at our house. I'd asked him what his dad intended to do for his birthday, and he'd shrugged in that non-committal, it's-fine way (when his placating smile showed anything but), so I invited him over. Mom, the earliest of morning doves, had gone all out, cooking us a three-course breakfast worthy of a TV show except Edward ate like it was his last day on Earth. He squeezed my hand when we sang him the birthday song and made him blow out eighteen candles on a chocolate cake. Mom presented him with a brand new pair of sneakers, stylish boats of black and fuchsia—what the hell was his foot size?—while dad gave him a pair of heated motorcycle gloves and a multi-tool for bikers.

Eyes wide, Edward felt so vulnerable when he refused the gifts, assuring us that the helmet had been more than enough, but my parents finally had a boy (well, man) to dote on, and Edward, smart enough to recognize a lost cause, gave up after a few near-heated arguments. Sweet as a button, he hugged them, and he didn't cry but his eyes glinted with dumbstruck gratitude.

Wisely, my parents left us alone in the living room.

My gifts to Edward were much cheaper, much smaller, and I'd hesitated to even give him my card after my parents blew my presents out of the water but his reaction wiped away any reluctance I'd had.

"This is… incredible." Edward's voice was low and even but his eyes revealed how touched he was. "I've never… how am I supposed to top this, next week?"

"You're not," I whispered, thrilled that he loved it. "I didn't even do much. I just delegate."

Edward's eyes scanned over my face with that vulnerable, adoring scrutiny that set me aflame. "No." He kissed me. "You have this effect on people that they just… open themselves up to you, including this. This is nuts."

We didn't have nearly enough time on a school day morning to read all the little messages and jokes in his birthday card, so Edward moved on to the rest of my bag—two more complicated threads I'd made in sturdier material than cotton (blue, black and white), and a custom, wine-colored hoodie. Edward unfolded it, revealing the chess board sewn on its back, and poured pawns in his palm from the pouch in the pocket. His silence unnerved me.

"I just wanted to—if we go out and want to play, then you have the board and the pieces right there in the hoodie, and—" I shut up and swallowed a knot when I noticed Edward's stricken, almost upset expression. "I'm sorry," I backtracked, hating the heat in my throat. "I didn't mean to—I've never had a boyfriend, and I thought… I didn't mean to overstep. I didn't get it to replace your mom's hoodies or anything like that. Please don't be mad. I'm sorry. I'll return it."

I refused to meet his eyes when I tried to take it back but Edward took hold of my wrist.

"Bella…"

"I'm sorry," I repeated, cursing myself for my fuck-up. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Edward pulled me against his side. "I'm not upset."

"You are. It's all over your face."

Edward's small laugh didn't feel quite right, and he paused before he touched his nose to my hair. "There's no hiding anything from you, is there?"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop being sorry. This is—" Edward paused, frustrated. "Bella." He gave me an embarrassed, disbelieving smile when he rubbed his face and groaned. "It's awesome, what you've done. I just—you're setting a high bar for me. Like, insanely high—a full Botvinnik-Carls to the Caro-Kann for the inexperienced."

"Big words," I replied, daring to breathe as I searched his eyes. "So, I—I didn't fuck up?"

"Hell no." Edward grinned, piling a handful of chess pieces on top of the chessboard on the back of the hoodie. The pieces dipped between his thighs. "This is a brilliant idea. Do they sell these hoodies or did you have someone make it?"

"I… found an Atlanta local on Etsy who stocked tall sizes and did custom orders, so… I had the chess board sewn to the back and bought pieces for the pouch I asked her to make."

Edward ran his fingertips over the chess board before he squeezed my neck and touched his nose against mine. A flurry of butterflies danced in my stomach when he brushed his lips against mine, once, twice, thrice—greedy and ever-so-tender. "Thank you, feather-heart."

His cheesy nickname tugged at my heart, and I pecked his lips before I jumped up. "Hold that thought."

Now that he was accepting my gift, I ran to my bedroom to get the second, near-identical black hoodie I'd ordered. Unsure if he'd agree to take both, I'd struggled over which color to give him for the entire evening until my dad had made me flip a coin.

When Edward saw the black hoodie in my arms after I returned to the living room, he warned, "Bella."

"This one's selfish," I defended, plopping down right next to him so that my knees fell on his thighs. "I wanted to give you both so that I can steal one and you'll still have one with a chess board."

Edward's huff was a half-chuckle. "You just wanted to plagiarize my outfit without really trying, admit it."

I laughed.

He tore off his ragged gray hoodie to replace it with the wine-colored one, and I was thrilled that the sleeves reached his wrists. His current ones from his mom were not only ragged but always just a little bit too short. Standing in front of me, he stifled his smile.

"So? Does it meet my girlfriend's approval?"

We'd been together for a week, and yet, having him call me his girlfriend still sent a blast of giddiness through me.

"Big approval." I grinned, standing up and stepping into his arms. The color of the hoodie brought out the warmth of his short buzz cut, and he looked like a dashing, wide-shouldered, slightly intimidating man with his piercing. "Almost like she chose the stuff."

Edward grinned, pulling me close. "Thank you. You guys are— surreal. You'll spoil me rotten. You did not have to do this."

"You're important to us." I nudged his head down to kiss him, bathing in the way his eyes lingered on his older new hoodie, the one I was wearing today, but his gaze also made me hesitate.

"Is it too much?" I asked, unsure if drowning in his now-signature hoodie for his birthday would draw too much attention on me.

"Fuck no," he cursed, squeezing my waist. "You look like a—" he caught himself just in time before he lowered his voice, his lips brushing my ear as he pressed himself close and whispered, "wet dream."

His soft lips against my skin sent a jolt straight through me, and I melted into his long, quiet kiss. Edward muffled his groan in my shoulder when we pulled back.

"You will be so disappointed next week. I've no clue how to live up to this."

I almost told him I didn't want anything, but then I remembered my parents' fight a few years ago when dad told mom he wanted nothing and then, on the day of his birthday, he was upset that mom took him for his word. I would've been disappointed if Edward literally got me nothing.

"Take me to your gramps' place for my birthday present," I told him, racking my brain for cheap options. "I'd like a flower, too, which is lame but I've never had a boyfriend, and—" I smiled sheepishly, feeling girly and generic but also giddy inside at the thought of getting flowers from my tall, pierced, buzz cut-having boyfriend. "Just, like, a rose or something."

Edward stared at me with his mouth open. "This is a test, isn't it?"

"What, why?"

"That's…" He blinked. "Painfully easy. You're not going to get mad if that's exactly what I do?"

"No! Why would I tell you what I want if it isn't what I want?" I asked, almost raising my voice.

Edward pulled his lower lip in his mouth, assessing me with a sparkle in his eyes before he wrapped me in a hug and nuzzled my hair. I sunk into him.

"If the jordans your parents got me aren't knockoffs I'll have to keep them here," Edward said, voice low. "The heated gloves, too. I can't keep showing up at home with random expensive gear."

Ignoring my distinct feeling that Edward's dad didn't trust him, I offered to keep his new gifts in my drawers in the hallway, but he wore them for the day, and it was such a rush to catch him staring at me in his giant hoodie when I put on my own shoes. It came to my mid-thigh, and I probably looked like a potato with twig limbs but you'd never have known from the dazed, half-hooded gaze of my boyfriend.

…

I should've predicted it by now. I really should've.

The hallways were packed, Jasper was waiting for us by the lockers with his curls all upwards like he hadn't tamed them since removing his helmet, and the moment he caught sight of Edward he raised his arms in the air like a conductor and whispered, "One, two, three, four—" And then, raising his voice to idiot levels, he sing-shouted, "Happy birthday to youuu, happy— c'mon, everyone, the boy who applied to MIT for shits and giggles and accidentally got in— happy birthday to youuu, happy…"

Alice's facepalming a few feet behind Jasper didn't affect him in the slightest. I tried to step away from Edward because this had nothing to do with me but Mr. Death Grip didn't have to apply much force to keep me attached to his side, and Jasper's shout-singing was so contagious that, by the last sentence, most of the hallway was sing-laughing along with him, including me. Edward was shaking his head and grinning when the song was done and the crowd erupted into erratic cheers. Jasper half-hugged, half-beat a hug into Edward.

"Thanks for the low-key birthday," Edward said, whacking Jasper on the back. "Always wanted half of the school to serenade me."

Jasper gave Edward a shit-eating grin. "I'm here to please."

"I didn't apply to MIT for shits and giggles, though."

Jasper squeezed Edward's neck in a mock-strangle. "You so did," he replied before he briefly put his arm around my shoulders, shaking me. "Did Masen ever tell you how he whined to Mrs. Brantley in Electricity & Magnetism about how bored he was in her class?"

"I would never—"

"Did he?"

Edward shook his head in disbelief. We hadn't discussed his future yet—we had too much to learn about each other—but my burst of pride at hearing he was accepted to MIT (holy shit-jesus, what the hell was he doing with me?) was mixed with a pang of sadness that he'd be so far away from Georgia.

Not that… not that we'd necessarily be together, then, but still.

"No," I replied.

"Well, he was."

"I would never tell a teacher I'm bored in class," Edward refuted.

We stopped by our lockers before we began to walk to the C-wing together, and Jasper slapped Edward's stomach.

"Semantics," Jasper replied, walking backwards in front of us and greeting random people before he continued, looking at me and Alice with laughter in his eyes, "So, first or second week after Masen joined Willie W. Smith, we had Electricity & Magnetism with Mrs. Brantley. I was the only one who really knew him, and Mrs. Brantley is all—" Jasper pursed his lips, making a pouty face as he tiptoed and mimicked the woman in heels. Alice and I laughed. "We had a pile of assignments, and Masen was… not doing them."

"I did them," Edward defended. "I was just finished."

Ignoring him, Jasper continued, "So someone's in front of the class writing solutions on the whiteboard, and Mrs. Brantley, looking at Masen slouching behind his desk—"

"I don't slouch."

"Shut up, dude. I'm trying to tell a story, here."

Edward stifled his smile.

"And, you know, Masen doesn't really look like the Mr. Prim and Proper that he is at heart—never late, no texting in class, homework always done—so Mrs. Brantley looks at Masen, slouching, textbook resting against the side of his desk, casually writing something on a piece of paper, and she stops next to him, practically fuming, asking him about the solution to the last assignment, positive that he's not paying attention. Masen arches an eyebrow and not only gives the correct answers to all assignments but glances up at the whiteboard and lists off all the things wrong with the formulas on it. Mrs. Brantley, looking at Masen all cocky and lazy and shit—"

"I am neither cocky nor lazy—"

"Yes, yes, yes, we all know you'll be president one day," Jasper rushed to agree, narrowing his eyes. "Now stop interrupting my story."

Amused, Edward scoffed. "What a dull, paper-pushing future you want for me."

Jasper ignored him. "So, Mrs. Brantley makes a face, mocking him in her super high pitched voice, 'So you think my class is below you, Mr. Masen?' Everyone's holding their breath. Masen puts down his textbook and paper, looks up at the teacher like he has all the time in the world and says, 'What do you prefer I do if I am bored to fucking tears, here.'"

"Literally never happened," Edward corrected, grinning. "I would never say that to a teacher."

"Stop being a killjoy, dude. I'm adding color."

"What did you actually say?" I asked, tugging at his sleeve.

Edward shrugged but slid his hand in mine. "I don't remember. I didn't understand what she expected of me when I was finished with everything and didn't interrupt the class, which might've been what I said. She came to pick a fight with me, not the other way around."

"Masen was so chill, man, just casually blinking at her as she took away his piece of paper, expecting something crazy embarrassing only to find that Masen was writing a letter to a professor at MIT who'd made a mistake in some article in E triple I—"

"I triple E Spectrum," Edward corrected.

"Thank you, Mr. President," Jasper deadpanned.

Edward huffed a laugh, shaking his head.

"And then what?" Alice asked, voicing my thoughts. Jasper turned to walk normally as we walked upstairs.

"I think she really thought Masen was being disrespectful, even though all he did was… not interrupt the class while he was bored—which is most classes, honestly. She got so mad she marched to her desk, unlocked a drawer, and took out a stack of exams—"

"Three exercises and one final exam," Edward corrected. "Stop exaggerating."

Ignoring Edward, Jasper continued, "And she said, 'If you think you're so smart, solve these.' And he did. He put them all on her table five minutes before the class ended, and man, I thought her afro would burst into flames, she was so mad, but all she said was, 'You passed, Mr. Masen. I never want to see your face in my class again.'"

"Was she allowed to do that?" I asked.

"I mean… I don't know," Edward replied. "But she did it. It was quite nice, actually. Got a few hours in the library every week."

"Yeah, a few casual hours during which Masen decided to apply to MIT for shits and giggles."

"Still not true," Edward argued. "I didn't apply for shits and giggles. Professor Souza asked me to apply. So I did." Edward lowered his voice, locking eyes with me. "Early Action at MIT is not binding, so I'm still not sure if I'll go—"

"Dude, I will personally shoot a bullet through your brain if you pick anything else after you got into fucking MIT. I would talk about nothing else ever again if I were you."

Edward scoffed. "Guggenheim is pretty—"

"MIT!" Jasper interrupted, shouting. "A Professor eagerly waiting for you in Aerospace Engineering. Tech is nice, but don't come telling me you'd choose it for Guggenheim. You'd choose it for Riley. Or your dad, who can politely go fuck himself any day now. Or—"

Jasper glanced at me, but I raised my arm. "No intention of coming between him and MIT."

"Good," Jasper said. "I would've had to kill you."

"Tech is literally two times cheaper—"

"Wait for the scholarship decisions, Jesus," Jasper replied, aghast. "You'll get them. If you can't qualify for them, nobody can. I swear they should've pulled next Thursday's assembly to today just so we can get it through your thick skull that you're too good for us. Which you are."

Edward scoffed. I dropped my backpack on the side of the hallway as we reached my classroom, and Edward received a few birthday wishes before I pointed at Jasper. "What's happening at the assembly?"

Jasper squinted at me, a question in his eyes before Alice said, "She's never been."

"You've never been to our school assembly?!" Jasper half-shouted in surprise. "But they have them, like, every three months!"

"I've always been on set."

Jasper's eyes flickered between Edward and me before he burst out laughing. "Holy shit. This makes perfect sense. That's why you thought I was Masen, that day you approached me. You've never been to the assembly. Oh, you Busy Bee, you. You are in for a treat."

Alice grinned, probably because she called me Bee-Bee for exactly that reason.

"What? What am I missing?"

Jasper grinned his face off, leaning closer, half-whispering, "You see, what happens at the assembly is that between all the blah blah blah, all kinds of awards are given for… outstanding performance. It just so happens that after Masen began to attend our school, every other award for yet another olympiad or competition or some chess thing goes to Mr. President, here. I swear they'll have an assembly soon just to worship him, and they will rename the school after Masen if he goes to MIT."

"Not nearly every other award," Edward corrected. "Not even close."

Jasper whacked Edward's stomach, clearly uncaring of his correction.

"I wouldn't mind if they renamed the school," Alice said. "It's annoying when other schools call us Will Smith's high school on the football stadium."

"I mean, after four years at Willie White Smith… I'm pretty sure the neighboring schools do it on purpose." Jasper grinned, wrapping his arm around Alice. "With the rest… not so much. But if you get really annoyed, do what Masen did one time talking to some local newspaper. Tell them it's offensive to all female scientists to confuse a famous radiobiologist with a random actor. I swear the guy nearly shat his pants when Masen said that."

"I don't usually bother." Edward shrugged. "It's not worth the fight. But he introduced himself as a Georgian local from Thomson, and, I mean, at least pretend to care about the people coming out of your hometown."

I didn't have the chance to deep-dive into Edward's future with him during the day. Jasper's little song in the morning had put Edward's birthday on the radar, and I enjoyed watching him receive all kinds of pats on the back and whispered congratulations from teachers. Plus, our relationship was old news by now (by high school standards, anyway), and Edward's week of hating Lauren was slowly becoming water under the bridge. He'd stopped acknowledging her existence. I felt a bit bad, announcing our relationship by wearing Edward's signature hoodie for the day, but Edward had suggested it, and not only did I adore swimming in it, I also couldn't know how many other chances I had to do something so cutesy.

It didn't help that I felt like a thousand bucks every time I caught Edward staring at me in it.

…
Saturday, February 11

"Are you sure, though?" mom asked Edward as we admired the photos in the waiting room of Zion's Ink. She refused to let me get my ears pierced just anywhere, and I felt very adult, being in the dark, mysterious tattoo parlor. "I know you're eighteen, but… it might impact your job opportunities."

Edward, wearing ripped blue jeans and a ragged-edged black hoodie, pulled his bottom lip in his mouth as he smiled, polite but amused. "Do you really think anyone's going to care about an earring when I have an eyebrow piercing?"

Mom made a sharp sound with her nose. "Fair enough."

Edward grazed his knuckles against my upper arm, lowering his voice when mom wandered to the other side of the hallway.

"Do you also have strong feelings about me getting an earring?"

When Edward offered to join me as I got my ears pierced, I hadn't realized that he, too, wanted to get one, but my surprise wore off quickly. I glanced at mom looking at belly button piercings on the other side of the hallway before I tiptoed and pulled his neck down to peck his lips.

"You'd look hot," I whispered.

Edward's eyes sparkled. "Yeah?"

I hummed, nodding. I floated in his gaze as he picked tiny gold studs with fake diamonds for me and asked me to pick between a matte black and silver stud for himself. I chose black, and we were in the middle of discussing whether medical grade stainless steel was as good as gold in a new piercing when mom stepped next to us, eyes wide, staring up at Edward.

"Dear God, you're going to start getting tattoos now, aren't you?"

Edward turned his laughter into a cough.

"I've wanted them since I was fifteen, ma'am," he admitted.

Mom's face crunched up like someone had kicked her favorite puppy. Edward, observing mom's reaction, crossed his arms and swayed on his feet. His voice was quiet.

"My mom and I had a deal. Whatever I decide to get, I have to keep the design in my drawer, unchanged for a year, to make sure I'm not getting something stupid when I'm young. If she were still alive, I'm sure I would've fought this idea tooth and nail and found a parlor who'd tattoo minors, but—I've thrown out three designs as of this week, so… I'm not getting anything for at least another year. Probably longer."

Mom sighed in relief.

"Do you not like tattoos?" Edward asked, voice carefully neutral.

"I have nothing against them," mom replied. "Some are beautiful and some… less beautiful. It's just—I'm worried that, with Bella dating you, she'll get… ideas—when she's too young."

"I'd never let her get anything before she's old enough."

Mom, smiling in gratitude, took hold of Edward's wrist and thanked him before she went to sit by the coffee tables, but I crossed my arms.

"Let me?" I repeated. "Let me?"

Edward laughed, squishing me against his side. He kissed my hair. "You know what I mean."

He was impossible to stay mad at, so, twenty minutes later, the newly pierced Mr. MIT (left ear because he slept on his right side more) and Miss MIT-admissions-would-break-a-rib-laughing-if-she-applied stepped out of the tattoo parlor with instructions on how to keep our new wounds clean. Mom, having fulfilled her solemn (happy) duty of accompanying her daughter to get a piercing, left to meet dad and some construction workers at our new house in Smyrna, which meant that I had the delightful, surreal opportunity to hang out with Edward on a casual Saturday in a mall before Jasper's party in the evening. Edward needed stuff for his IB Physics SL and I had a budget for buying a few pairs of pants and shirts because mom still hadn't had time to order or thrift clothes for me.

"If my granny sees us we will pretend my earrings are fake, okay?" I told Edward as we entered the mall.

Looking wicked hot with his new black stud, Edward grinned. "Just give me a warning and I'm down."

Edward had an unfairly good eye for clothes even if he had no interest in them. He dutifully stayed by my side as I tried stuff on, but I got tired quicker. We got him the equipment for his physics class from a nearby hardware store and finally got around to discussing his future as we shared a plate of shrimp pad thai.

Edward had applied to Emory, Georgia Tech and MIT, but his reluctance to bind himself to MIT was even worse than what Jasper feared—Edward wanted to attend community college for the first two years to lower the cost of his degree and transfer (anywhere else) later, but even he had to admit that his plan had a fatal flaw: no community college provided the breadth of classes in the specific area he was interested in, aerospace engineering. And, in spite of Jasper's obsession with MIT and its prestige, the undergraduate program at Daniel Guggenheim School of Aerospace Engineering (at Georgia Tech) was actually ranked number 1 in the US. At roughly 30K per year, Georgia Tech would cost Edward 120K for his Bachelor's as opposed to the 240K he'd pay at MIT.

MIT wasn't without its perks, though. Edward had a professor ready to take him under his wing in Boston, which was no small feat.

We'd been dating for a week, so I tried to stay as neutral as possible as Edward shared his concerns, the pros and cons, the expected dates for scholarship decisions and his very real worries over his cousin if he decided to leave Atlanta for Boston. Not daring to bring up doing long distance this early, I listened more than I talked, and I felt light as a feather when Edward pulled me into his arms after our late lunch and swayed with me.

I was in awe of him, smart as a whip, wanting to date me of all people.

Our little mall trip also gave me the perfect opportunity to figure out a way to buy lacy, hot lingerie for myself. None of my cotton bras could've been considered sexy by any stretch of imagination. I didn't have any illusions of Edward's history, not with his confidence, but I wanted him to see me as not just cute but… hot, too. Until today, I hadn't gotten a nanosecond away from my parents, Emmett or Edward, and I found the perfect occasion to slip into a lingerie store after I exited a bathroom and found Edward facing the window, talking on the phone.

Heart thumping violently in my chest, I left Edward on his phone. The Dream of Siobhan was close to the bathrooms, across the (main) hallway to the right, and mom had ordered stuff from there not even two months ago, so I knew my sizes and took the escalators to the fourth floor to try on the stuff I'd favorited in their online store. I felt a little bit high and giddy, never getting to do stuff like this, and I was so carried away by my excitement that I only noticed the time by the cashier thirty five minutes later.

The smile dropped from my face as I searched for my phone. I'd put it on silent at the tattoo parlor and forgot to put it back on vibrate, and what were the chances of Edward having a thirty five minute call?

"Would you like to buy a bag, ma'am?"

"No, that's—that's okay. Thank you."

My heart skipped a beat when I discovered thirty one unanswered calls on my phone: twenty two from Edward, seven from Emmett, and two, most recent ones, from my parents.

Fuckidy fuckidy fuck.

Returning one of Edward's calls, I jogged out of the store and into the hallway towards the glass side-panel that had a view of most of this side of the mall.

"Bella," he whispered, out of breath. "Jesus fucking hell, baby. Are you okay?! What the fuck happened? Tell me where you are."

"I'm—okay," I replied, heart in my throat. "I'm on the fourth floor by the peach statue—"

"Don't move."

He cut the call. My heart beat echoed in my ears as my fuck-up began to sink in, but I obediently waited where he asked me to.

For months, my parents and I had been dreading the moment when my life would change, but I had not realized that… it already had. I couldn't go to a store for half an hour alone without freaking out half the fucking country, and a part of me was in shock of this realization while another part of me felt… betrayed. Edward was probably on his way to scream his head off, and yet I felt cheated in the knowledge that the change that my parents and I were so desperately dreading had already happened.

I could probably, never again, spend time away from home without an escort.

It was a sobering thought.

I felt Edward's presence before I saw him. Maybe it was his footsteps or the energy that surrounded him, but he looked positively pissed and concerned out of his mind. Relief flickered in his eyes, but his tortured gaze revealed the thunder of his emotions as he closed the distance between us and enveloped me into a death-grip hug. His hot, near-panting breath blew against my neck. My feet lifted off the ground, and the glacier of his gum filled my senses. When he put me down and pulled back, his sharp eyes were full of fire, and he curled his fingers in anger before he wiped his face, shoulders tense and jaw clenched.

"What. The. Fuck?!" he hissed in a near growl. "What the fuck?! I've been looking everywhere for you. What the fuck were you thinking, going off alone like that?! Where were you?"

"I just—"

"Jesus, baby. I called the cops. Emmett will arrive any minute now."

"You called the cops?"

"Of course I called the cops!" Edward shouted, gesturing violently with his arms. "Are you kidding me? Your girlfriend's bodyguard tells you to call the cops when she disappears, you fucking call the cops when she disappears."

"I—I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?! Do you have any idea how terrifying it was not knowing what happened to you?"

"Why, because you're responsible for me?"

"Of course I'm responsible for you!"

He might as well have slapped me. I took a step back, noticing the audience we'd gathered who began to walk when they saw us looking. Jasper had told me not to be another one of Edward's obligations, and what did I do? Exactly that.

My throat tightened with tears. I was falling head over heels for a guy we'd forced to feel responsible for me.

"I'll talk to the police and explain what happened," I whispered, unable to talk louder without revealing the tears in my throat.

"They're not coming," Edward spat. "They thought it was a prank call, losing my girlfriend in a mall."

Still livid, Edward turned and began to walk to the entrance of the parking garage as he took out his phone and gave a short, snappy, fifteen-second call to Emmett. He texted my parents. Once we rounded the corner to the parking lot, Edward facepalmed, groaning against his palm before he crossed his arms. His gaze could've lit the place on fire.

He began pacing in front of me.

"What the actual fuck?"

"I'm sorry."

"You are not stupid, so what the fuck was that? Where did you disappear to?"

Too embarrassed to tell him—not when he was so angry at me—I shrunk closer to the wall. Clearing my throat, I changed the subject.

"I'm sorry we've been asking you to—stay over, and, and—spend time with me when Emmett isn't available. I didn't mean to become one of your responsibilities."

"Jesus, baby—"

Avoiding his eyes, I blinked back the sting of tears. "I can take an Uber home so that you don't have to worry or anything. I'm sorry I freaked you out. I never—I thought I—"

Something tortured and precious flickered in his eyes as he stopped pacing, assessing me. Quietly, he said, "That's not what I meant, baby. You know that's not what I meant."

I attempted to swallow the heat in my throat, hating that I couldn't argue without tears.

"It's okay if it is," I whispered, sniffing sharply. "I didn't realize you felt responsible for me."

Edward took my hand, his grip firm and a bit rough when he took a few steps back and leaned against a slanted anti-homeless leaning bench, good for nothing except, apparently, making his eyes level with mine. He tilted my chin up, but I couldn't meet his eyes.

"Bella…"

"I don't want to tell you."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry, okay? It was silly and stupid and I lost track of time. It won't happen again."

"But where did you go?!" Edward took a breath before he lowered the volume of his voice and repeated, voice soft, "Where did you go, baby?"

"You'll get angry again."

He let out a frustrated groan. "I can't tell you I won't because I don't know what the fuck happened, but I can tell you for sure you not telling me is not helping. Was it something embarrassing? Did your period start and you don't want to tell me? Did you meet someone? Your granny? Was it something related to your work?"

I facepalmed as a flush of shame covered my face. A few people passed us, entering and exiting the mall, and we listened to their footsteps echo away from us as I prepared myself for his reaction.

"Seriously?!" Edward repeated, exasperated. "You're seriously not even going to tell me?"

He pulled me to stand between his open knees. His green eyes shone with energy, frustration and hurt, and I focused on a smudge on his hoodie pocket when I cleared my throat. My voice felt even smaller than my courage.

"I wanted to… I wanted to surprise you."

Edward's head jerked back.

"To surprise me?" he repeated. "With what, a heart attack?"

"No." I chuckled, but my smile was sad. I didn't look up. "Don't laugh, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed.

I lowered my voice. "I know you've probably been with—prettier girls than me, and, I mean, I can't fault you for that, and I know you think I'm cute, but for once, I—" I shrugged like it didn't matter, even though it did. It bugged me that Lauren had Rose's body type more than mine, and I didn't want to wonder if Edward wished I did, too. "I wanted you to think I'm hot, and I don't own… the kind of stuff that would make you think so, hopefully, anyway, so I—I bought myself… lingerie."

Edward blinked at me in disbelief.

"You… you disappeared to a lingerie store?"

I nodded, glad that my blushing wasn't obvious. "Yes."

"Are you serious?!"

I closed my eyes. "I just, I just, I know my first time won't be as special for you, but I wanted to, at least—"

Edward laughed, an almost maniacal, disbelieving sound, and it cut straight through me. I stepped away from him, turning away my head to hide the shimmer in my eyes.

"I'll just take an Uber."

"Baby—"

"It's okay. Maybe you can go home and decide that I'm yet another responsibility in your life and you can—we don't have to—I know I'm a lot of hassle to date."

Tears stuck in my throat, I didn't want to look at him when I searched for my phone in my handbag but Edward gripped my wrist and pulled me into his arms. I pushed against him.

"Let me go."

"I can't," he replied, quietly, squeezing me against him and nuzzling his nose against my neck. "I have to tell you something."

I stopped struggling but swallowed back the heat in my throat, unwilling to hug him back.

"I don't like it when you laugh at me after I specifically asked you not to. Especially about—it's not like being a virgin at fifteen is unheard of, but I never thought you'd make fun of me for it."

"I'm sorry I laughed," Edward whispered, smile still obvious in his voice. "I'm so sorry I laughed, baby, but it was not at you. Not at all, and definitely not about—you know. I just— I can't believe you haven't figured it out by now."

"Figured what out?"

He squished me against him, his breath heating my neck as he held me to his firm chest and nuzzled closer. The tension in his shoulders disappeared when I returned his hug and sunk against him. His palm snuck under my hoodie on my back, and a jolt of warmth spread through me when his lips brushed against my ear.

"You were my first kiss, baby."

I snapped back to see his eyes. "No, I wasn't."

Edward pulled his bottom lip in his mouth, his eyes sparkling with an embarrassed, honest smile, and my stomach leaped.

"Of course you were," he confirmed. "Jasper knew."

Recovering from the whiplash, I stuttered, "But, but—it can't be."

"Why not?"

"You were—you were so good, and, and—confident. You were amazing. How were you—I mean, how were you so good at it, then?"

Squeezing my waist, Edward stifled his smile. "Not all of us are kinesthetic learners." He lifted his shoulder, shrugging. "That is to say, I researched the shit out of it."

I laughed because that was just ridiculous, but Edward's bright, twinkling eyes grounded me and lifted me up in a way I couldn't quite understand. I felt afloat and in total disbelief of the knowledge that must've been true but refused to register in my brain.

"But you were not even nervous!"

His rumbling laughter vibrated through me before he touched my nose to his and whispered, "Scared shitless. So fucking nervous. More than doing the SATs."

"But, but—I cannot be that bad at reading people! I feel like… how did I miss that?"

"I'm not nervous in the way other people are nervous," Edward continued. "I'm not twitchy and bouncy. Outwardly, I'm still and calm, more so than usual, and Jasper has told me I can look angry, but I do have one tell."

"What is it?" I asked, over-eager, trying to remember if I'd ever seen him nervous.

Edward pulled his lower lip in his mouth. "I'm not sure I should tell you."

"You can't just tell me that and leave me hanging!"

His grin made my heart melt, but he pecked my lips and said, "I chew a lot of gum when I'm nervous."

I gaped, racking my brain for every time I'd caught him eating gum and reassessing everything I knew about the man.

"Oh my God that night you stayed over—"

"Sweating bullets," Edward interrupted with a sheepish smile. "Would never waste gum after I've brushed teeth but holy shit was I out of my element."

I blinked as a surge of affection cursed through me, in awe of this new knowledge, his honesty, his sheer concern for me.

"So, when you were talking about wanting to have your first kiss with someone special… you were talking about yourself?"

"Of course I was talking about myself." Edward's tone was near-exasperated but his eyes were bright. "You should've heard the copious amounts of horseshit I was taking from Jasper for agreeing to give you your first kiss. Except…" His secret smile and glinting eyes made me feel a little bit breathless as he once again admitted, "It was mine, too."

My heart skipped a beat. "But that means—you've also never—"

"Of course I've never," he replied like it was a full sentence.

My heart somersaulted through my stomach and floated to my throat. His tender, scorching gaze could've pierced through my skin.

"But, but—I don't understand. You're so… you're so calm and confident and, and, insanely hot, and a senior. Surely you must've—"

Squeezing me closer, Edward lowered his voice. "Don't do to me what I did to Lauren, baby. Don't build me into a lego man with imaginary pieces." He grinned against my cheek, drawing patterns on my back with his fingers. "Two and a half years of corona in a single-wide trailer with the only bedroom for my parents while I lived in the living room—a land of opportunities, right? Squeeze in seventy five mandatory community service hours just to graduate high school, internationally competitive chess, SATs, applying for college, losing my mom and gran-gran and moving and—pining for a girl who didn't exist while taking care of my cousin because my aunt is more attached to her cirrhosis than her kid, and a father who—" Edward cut himself off, aggressively rubbing his face. "Where would I have fit a girl in, Bella?"

He sighed, pausing. We observed a toddler screaming violently at her parents as a family exited the mall and turned the corner.

"Are you disappointed?" Edward asked, voice vulnerable and eyes searching mine with a tenderness and fear that lit me up from the inside.

"Disappointed? Why?"

Edward's shrug wasn't quite as convincing as he may have wanted to convey. "Because… because I got the feeling that you wanted to have your firsts with someone more experienced, and you did not seem to care who that was. I'm… not like that. Even if I could've fit a girl into my life, I've never had interest in ticking off my firsts with just anyone.

"It's why I laughed. Because… here's my stunning girlfriend, ranting about her fear of our first time not being special enough, trying to fix it with lingerie, and the irony just struck me. Because, when you first approached me for your first kiss, you were so fucking blasé about the whole thing, so dismissive of who it was with, and I couldn't imagine having my first kiss with just anyone. And now," Edward paused, brushing his thumb over my cheek, his eyes ablaze with affection. "And now, here you are, worried that it's not special enough for me, that I've been with prettier girls, that… I don't know. Based on seeing you rant about condoms with your parents before your first date with a guy, based on… everything I know about you, I didn't expect that fear from you."

It had never occurred to me how my eagerness to get my first kiss from anyone but Mike Newton could've been interpreted, and I brushed my thumb over his eyebrow and his barbell, feeling the thumping of his heart through my body.

"I'm not like that, either," I admitted, quietly, bubbling with affection. "I didn't realize that that was the impression I was giving you. I didn't care about my first kiss initially because—I just really didn't want it to be my co-star, but… like you, I would've never wanted to have my first time with just anyone. And I'm not disappointed. I'm… so relieved. Not because, not because you've also never been with anyone, although it helps that I don't have to live up to other girls, but… because—" My heart swelled, and I forgot my train of thought. "Oh my God, I get to be your first."

Edward hid his grin in my neck. "You don't mind?"

"I love it." I pulled back my face to see his eyes, unable to express the wild swarm of butterflies dancing in my heart. "Oh, God. Both of our first, though. Is this going to be the most awkward, fumbling sex anyone's ever had?"

Edward laughed before he slid his hands on my neck, tilting my chin up and looking at me with such dazed, gorgeous affection I nearly forgot to breathe. "No," he replied, calm as ever, touching his forehead to mine. "Because… there's a lot of research out there, and I'm nothing if not thorough." His eyes twinkled, and he kissed my nose. "But also because… I don't think it was just my research that made our kiss defy words. It was the fact that it was with you." He paused. "You know, I went home that Thursday, thinking—if that's the kind of fireworks I have with a girl I met a week ago, how amazing will it be with the girl I'd had a crush on for a year? I thought I just liked kissing."

"No way! That's what I thought."

He grinned but then shut his eyes and groaned. "Fuck was I wrong."

I could barely suppress the glee I felt over Edward having worse kissing with Lauren than with me.

"But then… if you were wrong, why did I walk in on you making out with her against the wall?"

Edward's face paled. "You saw that?"

"Yeah, you were kind of… hard to miss. It's how I met Peter."

Edward crushed me in a hug and growled. "I'm sorry you saw that. I'm sorry—I did that. I would've beaten Peter to a pulp if I'd walked in on you making out with him in some hallway."

"No, you wouldn't have. You would've squeezed his hand until all his bones liquified and entered his bloodstream."

Edward laughed. "Still. I'm sorry." He gave me a sheepish smile. "I thought that, maybe with some people, you just have to—practice. I was stupid. I was trying to recreate what I felt with you when we kissed but… I couldn't do it. She wasn't you, and… I never got past painfully underwhelming."

My grin was inappropriate but I couldn't help it. I was in the middle of admiring his eyelashes when I caught his gaze lingering on my lips. He crushed me flush against him. I gasped against his soft lips when he kissed me, desperate and tender and breathless with need. His arms were strong and possessive, and the electric warmth that settled in my stomach felt like an ache and a need and—I blinked as I realized I'd turned Edward on, but this time, instead of pushing me away, he held me closer, and his reaction felt forbidden and addictive. His hum vibrated through me and sent goosebumps down my spine.

"I can't believe you thought I wouldn't think our first time was special," he whispered, breathing into my neck. "Or that you need fancy lingerie for me to think you're hot. Have you ever seen a mirror? I'm the luckiest bastard in the world."

I tried to keep my brain working with his hot breath making me feel all dazed and goose-bumpy.

"In my dad's card, you wrote that you found me… funny and fearless."

"What, you wanted me to write in your dad's birthday card how I had an extremely inappropriate dream about his daughter and jerked off to that image in the shower?"

Heat flushed my skin. "That… didn't happen."

Edward arched an eyebrow, eyes twinkling. "Oh yeah?"

"Did it?"

Holding me tight against him, he laughed, and his non-answer made me feel dizzy in the best way.

I rubbed my cheek against his, adoring his warmth.

"I'm still pissed at you, though," Edward said, pulling back, pressing his lips in a thin line as his gaze traveled over my features like he was memorizing them. "One text message, Bella. That's all I needed."

"What kind of surprise would I have been giving you if you knew I was trying to surprise you?"

"The kind that didn't give me a heart attack," Edward replied, not missing a beat. "You didn't even have to tell me what kept you. Just give me a white lie, anything. Just a simple, 'Can't tell you why but will take 20 minutes—wait for me at the northern entrance on the ground floor' would've kept Emmett and your parents out of this."

"I'm sorry." I hid my face in his chest, swallowing. My ear hurt just a bit, pressed against his chest, but I ignored it. "My location is shared with my dad, though. He always knows where I am."

"Yeah, and I wasn't informed of this because…?"

"I, we—forgot to tell you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Edward."

"He told me you were still here two minutes before you returned my calls." Edward's chest crushed against my cheek as he took a deep breath. His half-sigh, half-groan buzzed through my ears before he stood straighter and kissed the top of my head. "Are you done flexing your rebellious muscles now? I don't know if I can survive another heart attack."

I grinned. "First and last time, promise."

Edward squeezed me. "Let's go return the stuff you bought."

"No!"

"No?" he repeated. "Bella, I don't need—"

Embarrassed, I played with the end of his hoodie string. "Maybe it's… maybe it's more for me than for you, and I've never…" I raised my eyes, sheepish. "I'd like to keep them."

I felt like he was preparing to argue, but instead, he took a deep breath and gently swayed with me. His cold, tender fingers played with the curls on my neck.

"Are we okay?" I asked, voice meeker than I'd intended.

"We're okay." Edward held me tight against him before he kissed my cheek, eyebrow, and then my lips. "Never, ever do that to me again."

I'd barely whispered my promise when Edward stiffened in my arms.

Emmett walked out of the mall, truck keys clinging in his hands, his jaw set, his furious eyes narrowed as he fought the tic that kept his head moving toward his left shoulder. He gestured passionately with his arms as he opened his mouth, shouting, "You'd better have a brilliant—"

Edward stepped in front of me, blocking me from Emmett's view.

"Walk it off," Edward cut him off, voice quiet and crystal clear.

"What?!"

"Walk it off," Edward repeated, motioning at the parking garage. "You need to yell at her more than she needs to hear it. Go. Take a lap, take three. Then talk."

"You have got to be kidding me. She cannot possibly—"

"She's busy and tired and made a bad judgement call. She fucked up," Edward said, tilting his head toward the parking garage. "Go. Walk it off. Then talk."

Fuming, Emmett looked ready to spit on the floor, but instead, he muttered under his breath and aggressively clanked his keys as he marched past us.

Edward turned around. His green eyes blazed with energy, and breathless affection overwhelmed me as I crushed him into a hug. Burying his nose in my hair, he took a few steps sideways to lean against the half-bench. Lean and firm against me, he smelled like the fireflies dancing in my heart, and I swallowed down the three little words bubbling up inside me. It was much too soon to give voice to them, but the words were bursting to come out when he protected me from my bodyguard's wrath while he himself was still mad at me.

In awe of him, I whispered, "You didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did," Edward replied, his hot breath blowing over the dull ache of my new piercings. "Because—I love you."

His low, rumbly voice competed with the thudding of my heart as I snapped back my head, amazed.

Edward brushed his thumb over my cheek, his green eyes ablaze with emotion.

"I love you, feather-heart," he repeated, clearer, touching my nose against his and lighting up the fireflies in my heart. "Fuck it's soon and I'm sorry but, every day, I wake up to you, I fall asleep to you and it's just this fucking ache when you're not around. I could conquer the world in one breath and be blown away in the next. I never, I never knew—a girl could do that to me."

Bursting with disbelief, I threw myself at him. Tall and warm and firm, Edward caught me, returning my kiss before he hid his grin in my hair. I pulled back to slide my fingers over his sharp eyebrows, feeling the warmth of his skin under my thumb and his half-drunk eyes down in my toes.

"I love you, too," I admitted. "Too soon or not." Looking at me with soft, amazed eyes, Edward blinked at me in disbelief before he held me against him and kissed me like he wanted to crawl into my hoodie and breathe through my mouth for the rest of time, but the side of the leaning bench poked against his back and I stumbled on the uneven ground underneath us. Laughing, we broke apart.

"Could've picked a better place for doing this," Edward whispered, eyes twinkling with affection.

Giddy with happiness, I laughed and sunk against his chest.

…