Ron the True Fan: We're back. And this time if Take screams, I have a solution! (Arms EVA phaser rifle) …It's on STUN.
Takeshi Yamato: Right. Let's just get this over with.
Just outside Jubilife Village, Hisui Region - roughly 0950 Hours local time - Day 79 of the Hisuian Exile
"Arceus is up to something and I hate it." Satoshi said to no one as he stared at the zap plate.
Hikari was worried and for good reason. He HATED this. Hated how he was treated as some disposable plaything of the gods. Hated how they didn't seem to get the idea that even the greatest warrior, even one fighting in their name, needed rest.
And it was slowly driving him insane.
Just like that ghost was driving HER crazy. She just… hovered there.
"Satoshi-kun, I know you have problems, but… CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME WITH THE GHOST?!" she pleaded.
"Hikari, I'm not a spirit channeler or an expert in psychics." Satoshi replied dryly. "You're out of luck in that regard."
"But… BUT YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!" Hikari pleaded. "You know the names of the gods, why Gibles chomp, how to take care of Pokemon-"
"Hikari, anyone can learn these things. I'm just unlucky enough to be worked to death by our uncaring creator." Satoshi deadpanned. "Look, I can't fix every problem. If I could, I'd be Arceus and I'd make sure no one HAD problems because I'm not an uncaring BASTARD."
…He was bitter.
"Look, talk to the professor. I have to go deal with my unwanted aqua-haired crush and tell her about what happened." he said, scowling at the idea of having to deal with Captain Cyllene.
"And what about your indigo-haired bride-to-be?" Both froze before the elder sister walked up to them, Akari chuckling. "So… have fun?"
They both knew what she was REALLY asking: was Hikari now a woman?
"Akari, I am NOT sleeping with your sister." Satoshi snapped, Pikachu facepalming on his shoulder. "She's 14! I'm barely 15!"
Akari stared at him with clear disappointment. "Seriously? You don't want to sleep with her?" her elder sister said, mortifying her. "Seriously, she's a prime catch and you're already engaged-"
"WHAT?!" Satoshi bellowed.
"…Surprise?" Akari asked.
Hikari fled before Satoshi decided to use his massive lung capacity to literally yell her sister's face off.
…Ghosts and psychics didn't like dark-types.
Maybe a Dusk Stone?
"Wurm?"
Ash sighed. The Celebis were driving her crazy with this. Sure, revenge was nice, but seriously, what was torturing Cyllene with bug-types going to accomplish?
"Hey, little guy." Ash called to the bug, who turned to face him. "Lady in here's scared to death of your type. Get out of here before she has a heart attack."
"Wurm…" 'But I won't hurt her…' said the bug before he crawled out of the room and the building.
The aquaette poked her head up. "You-"
"Please. Don't." Ash pleaded. "I dealt with the Electrode. Melli's regretting everything in life. I just dealt with Akari demanding I treat her sister like a farmer does his field." Cylenne STARED at him when he said that. "Her words, not mine."
"Satoshi-kun!" called the near-perfect tone of Irida, almost exactly like Serena. "We need your help!"
"Story of my life." Ash deadpanned.
The leader of the Pearl Clan came in, panting and almost tricking him into thinking she was Serena for a moment.
It took a lot of effort to remind himself that she WASN'T his princess.
"Av… Avalugg…" she panted.
"I suppose I should get fire-types." Ash said dryly. As much as he loved abusing the type chart with disadvantaged Pokemon - his first gym battle in Unova. Enough said. - in this case, he needed to be quick and efficient.
…and get some heavier clothes.
He'd need them. So would Hikari if she insisted on following him there.
"Satoshi-kun!"
Speak of the Gible.
"I solved the ghost problem! A dusk stone!" said the bluenette, holding up said stone on a necklace.
"And tomorrow, we're going up north. I'd get some heavier clothes." he suggested, before deciding, simply, he needed a goddamn nap.
Hikari could talk to her sister, catch up on gossip… generally just socializing with the girls. Ash was not an expert on the matter and very wisely decided to leave it be.
"No, Akari, I HAVEN'T done that with him yet." the bluenette snapped to her elder sister, who pouted.
"You, imouto, are missing out." the older girl declared.
Day 101 - Alabaster Icelands
Snow. Sucked.
Cold. Sucked.
After being trapped on a mountain in the middle of a blizzard, Ash had a loathing for the lower half of the temperature spectrum. Thus why he looked rather ridiculous with two thick-as-all-hell coats that made him look like that marshmallow man from that Unovan movie about ghosts and people catching them with traps.
Hikari made it look elegant, but she was only wearing ONE.
Pikachu milked it for all it was worth by sleeping in the hood of the outer parka, which was really, REALLY warm.
Tauros did not mind as much, but he weighed one and a half metric tons and a not-insubstantial amount of that was a very thick coat of hair.
So yes, Ash hated cold.
He hated being looked down on by prideful people almost as much. And Gaeric - who looked like Wulfric - was doing just that.
"You claim to be doing this for his well-being, yet there is no proof of him going on a rampage." the bare-chested man declared. He was making Ash cold LOOKING at him.
"And I would like to KEEP it that way." Ash said dryly. "And I think you would, too."
Gearic snorted. "Before you even get the right to get close to Avalugg, you will have to face me!" the man declared.
We ALL know how THIS is going to end… Say it with me, people: NEW. GAME. PLUS.
So instead of beating the shit out of Gaeric, let's turn to the other protagonist.
Hikari was also learning to actively hate the cold. It made sleeping with Ash difficult and his nightmares were rearing their ugly heads again.
So she hated the cold as much as he did.
But what was with the ghost? Did his curse spread to her? Was she some ancestor of hers?
…was he THAT much of a girl magnet that the DEAD wanted to jump him?
Gaeric, meanwhile, was learning a simple lesson: do not question Ash Ketchum's (or to the locals, Satoshi Tajiri's) competence and capabilities as a trainer.
"…Perhaps I made a mistake." he said simply.
"Perhaps next time, when someone offers their help to you, TAKE IT." Ash snapped in return, showing how much his patience had been exhausted dealing with people's games.
"He has effectively been worked to the bone and never sleeps." Irida explained depressingly to her mentor. "His mood is sour as a result."
Gaeric saw the BLOODY MURDER in his eyes and decided the best option was simply to cooperate. "...You're going to need help to get to Avalugg-"
Ash's frustrated, angry scream to being forced to do ANOTHER fetch quest spoke volumes.
Three hours later
Pikachu was not happy.
Sure, he wanted to get this over with too, but this was crossing a line.
Why? A girl that looked like a younger Cheryl wanted to play hide-and-seek, but Ash would have none of it and ordered Pikachu to Electro Ball her.
Not enough to hurt, but enough to stun her and keep her in place.
"Under NORMAL circumstances, little one, I would be more then happy to play with you, but I do not have the time or the luxury of patience." Ash said, voicing WHY he ordered it and not being happy about it.
"...You're no fun…" Sabi said with her face in the snow.
"On the contrary, greeny." Ash retorted, rage entering his voice. "I am QUITE fun…when lives aren't on the line. Thousands of people and Pokemon are likely to die the longer Avalugg is enraged and you want me to screw around playing tag?! You DARE call yourself a warden with THAT attitude?!"
Sabi struggled to get to her feet before Ash helped her up.
"It might seem like I'm not interested in having fun, but I would like nothing better then to spend a year doing nothing but playing around and having fun." he said before the icy ground shook, showcasing the need to go fast. "That said, ONE of us has to keep their eye on the ball right now and obviously that isn't YOU. I will not allow people to die simply because you want to waste time and keep me from saving them."
Sabi pouted at his rant… then sighed. "The curse of the Chosen of Sinnoh, I suppose." she said, Ash narrowing his eyes at her. "Don't be so surprised: I care for a ghost-type. I can FEEL the difference between your soul and everyone else's. You are the human child of the Creator."
"Whose name is ARCEUS." Ash said, finally fed up with correcting people.
"Arceus, then." the verdette said. "I will talk to Braviary and get you what you need." she turned and paused. "The life of a warden is as little fun as the life of the Chosen One, you know."
"And which of us has to deal with life-or-death, fate-of-the-world situations regularly, hmm?" Ash retorted.
Sabi had nothing in retort, walking off.
Trainer turned to starter. "Go ahead. Start yelling." he said.
"Pika." 'The fact you liked it as much as I did means I don't yell much.' Pikachu said. "Pikapi!" 'But seriously, Ash, what the hell?! Telling me to electrocute a child?! Even if we're really pressed for time, which, let's be honest, we ARE, given a giant iceberg Pokemon is going to start wrecking the coastline, that's a bit extreme.'
Ash sighed. "If the Celebis could get us home day one, we'd've dealt with the Masked Bastard and moved on." he said. "I'm just… tired of the constant fetch quests and life-or-death situations. I want to go home. …I want to be with Serena."
Pikachu stared. Did…Ash just admit he wanted to be with his mate? To be fair, it was SERENA, his first and strongest, but still.
THIS was worrying. Pikachu's anger abetted at the admission, as while he was still mad at zapping a child, Ash admitting he wanted to be with one of his girls was NOT a good sign.
Hikari was more of a stopgap at this point, even if she was actually Dawn.
He needed Serena to regain his sanity. Curse his paws and their lack of manual dexterity, otherwise that gun would be in pieces and they'd be OK.
Ash was right. He needed to go home.
One quick flight - that was sadly not very romantic, given the ghost bird - later… and waiting for them on the ground was Volo.
Ash was getting the feeling he was up to something and that he was a key feature in said plans. And he had a distinct loathing of being someone's puppet.
"Ah, Satoshi-kun!" greeted Cynthia's ancestor. "I've heard you had a bit of a fight with Gaeric."
"'Fight' is an overstatement." Hikari said dryly. "A fight would mean he had a chance."
"Fair enough, Hikari-chan, but this won't exactly be easy." Volo said, gesturing to the GIANT iceberg Pokemon in the distance.
"Eh. I've dealt with bigger." Ash said somewhat dismissively, to their unified shock. "You should see Kyogre and Groudon. This is nothing."
Volo was taking down notes.
"Still, just because he's smaller doesn't mean this is going to be fun." the time traveller added. "But better to burn off all that energy fighting us then rampaging and destroying villages all over the coast."
Say what you will, but Ash had his priorities straight. And once again…say it with me.
A skipped fight - New Game Plus (cough) - and an Abra-port later - Jubelife Village
Kamado looked at the plate now forming ice on his desk, slowly freezing it over.
"…Uh…"
"I don't control the plates, Kamado." Satoshi said before picking it up with a gloved hand, though not before half of the desk was a frozen icy mess. "I'd chuck them into the sun if I could and that's only if I knew that would destroy them."
"They're THAT dangerous?" the commander asked. Satoshi gestured to his frozen desk. "…Point taken."
"There's just one problem." Satoshi said. "That's not ALL of the plates. There are 18 of the damn things. Arceus is up to something and it's going to fall to me to clean up the damn mess AS USUAL."
"Perhaps we can pick up this conversation in the morning." Kamado said diplomatically. "You're exhausted, in a bad mood and in need of food that isn't rations."
"Tell me to go to the Wallflower and I'm leaving the plate here to freeze over your entire office." Satoshi stated bluntly.
Kamado knew better than to suggest that for the safety of the BUILDING and wordlessly let him leave.
He heard Hikari talk to him barely in earshot. She was clearly concerned for his lack of sleep, too.
Kamado decided to tell the clan leaders to leave him alone for a while for that reason. They had worked him to the bone and it showed. Hopefully he could sleep for a week and not worry for whatever was coming.
The next day
"I am going to kill that oversized llama." Ash declared as he saw a MASSIVE HOLE in the sky above Mount Coronet. "ONE! FUCKING! YEAR!"
It's hard to blame Ash for wanting PEACE for 365 days, no?
Hikari was safe from his rage, knowing that for all his anger, he would never touch her like that, but Akari was a different story as she cautiously approached him.
His rage, at this point, was something of a legend. His not-exactly-gentle method of dealing with the Miss Fortune Sisters was also well known.
"Ano… the commander wants to talk to you…" she said sheepishly.
Hikari put a comforting hand on his shoulder before he sighed and faced the music, walking to the headquarters building, marching up the stairs to Kamado's office.
He was not pleased. "I hope you have an explanation for the space-time rift opening again." he demanded, all of the heads of the team staring at the trainer.
As he had faced far worse, he didn't even react to the death glares. "Arceus is an asshole. Enough said." the trainer declared.
Kamado got to his feet, taking a sword into his hand and unsheathing it. "I now have thoroughly exhausted my patience, boy." the commander said, marching around and putting the blade to Ash's neck. "I have allowed you to keep your secrets, but only as long as you were not a threat to my people. You will tell me what is going on now or-"
"Or what?" Ash demanded before putting two fingers to the blade and PRESSING IT to his neck."You'll kill me? You will be amazed by how utterly ineffective those are against me. 'Do this or you'll die'? Hate to point this out, Kamado, but death? Been there. DONE THAT!"
"I don't have to threaten YOU to get you to talk." Kamado said, darkly looking at Hikari. "Cyllene."
"Touch a single hair on her head, Kamado and you will be the last to die when I personally destroy everything you have built and salted the earth." Ash said to the point of making a Sith Lord look tame. "I will nail you to a tree and remove your eyelids to make sure you watch every. Single. Moment where I turn your settlement into a burnt-out ruin."
And Kamado believed it.
He removed his sword, reminding himself this was no spoiled brat, but a warrior of the gods.
"Clear the building." Ash ordered. "You want answers, I want to make sure no one else learns."
Kamado nodded, knowing better. "Leave." he said, making the heads leave the room, Hikari glaring at Kamado for threatening her.
Once they were gone… Ash sighed. "Let's start at the beginning." he said.
Outside, Akari watched as her sister all but quit the team. She wore the jacket, but only because it was cold.
"I had no way of knowing-"
"The ONLY reason I'm not mad at you, onee-sama, is that you didn't threaten me." Hikari cut off before the door opened and out came Satoshi, not wearing the jacket with the emblem of the team on it, but a plain one on instead.
"I've been waiting to do this for months." he said before tossing it into a fire, causing it to catch flame. "Good luck with the Pokedex. You're going to need it."
Akari STARED before Hikari ran after him. "You're not leaving me behind!" the younger sister declared, as the rest of the team watched as the best trainer in the region exiled himself from Jubelife Village.
Diary of Kamado
He lied to protect the future. And now I share that lie.
This journal will be burned. All of Satoshi… Ash's accomplishments are now Akari's. His name is stricken from all rosters.
Cyllene is hiding her feelings. She'll have to get over it.
We all will. (The rest of the entry is burned beyond recognition)
Ron the True Fan: Cat's out of the bag. And Ash finally burns the Galaxy uniform.
Takeshi Yamato: Yep. Another step closer to the return to the present.
On another topic, I have recently picked up a game on Steam called Backpack Battles. It's an interesting little inventory manager/auto-battler. If you're into that kinda thing, I'd recommend checking it out. Even if you're not, I'd suggest going to the YouTube Channel of Project Incursus Gaming and check out the recording of his most recent stream - which is of Backpack Battles. Even if it's not something you want to play, it's interesting to watch.
Ron the True Fan: On the subject of YT, you know the drill: Housecoat Gaming. Subs, please. Link's in my profile on FFN and AO3. Remember, the more subs, the more chapters I write. Though Take's probably dreading me GETTING BACK TO WORK. (Evil laughter)
Takeshi Yamato: Got other things to do, including the aforementioned Backpack Battles. So… yeah, while I know Ron wants to keep doing this, I'd rather he not get this done too fast.
Ron the True Fan: It's been a month and now we're getting YT comment requests for updates. THAT is probably the best way to tell me to get my ass in motion. Other than subs. So, if you haven't, please do. And if you have, bring up the fic and that I also make vids to someone interested.
Ja Ne!