Ron the True Fan: (Santa Gible CHOMP!)

Takeshi Yamato: Yep, we have a Christmas Update for you all, with a new side story. We'll discuss more at the end.

Ilex forest - Johto Region - 1644 hours local time - Day 452 of Ash Ketchum's Journey

"You're not going anywhere, Celebi!" exclaimed the Rocket elite, pressing a button that launched three Pokeballs - Dark Balls, as Ash remembered those FUCKING things being called - that hovered using what looked to be magnets of some kind and flew at him.

"BI!" 'NO! NO NO NO!' exclaimed the younger time travel Pokemon before she glowed, grabbing onto Ash.

"NOT THIS SHIT AGA-" Ash didn't even get to finish before he, Pikachu and Celebi blinked away before the balls could make contact with the time travel Pokemon.

Time seemed to stop as they were forced to process what happened. Ash was… gone.

The tunnel was very familiar, but Ash knew better then to let Celebi get distracted.

"Bi!" 'Look at that, it's-'

Ash tackled the pixie, keeping her in place. "I. Don't. Think. So." he ground out, unwilling to let the easily-distracted Mythical touch ANYTHING.

"BI?!" 'Uncle Ash, what are you doing?!' she asked, not feeling too comfortable in his grip.

He ignored the 'uncle'. "I'm not letting you make the same mistake twice! Get us where we're going!" he shouted, paranoia gripping his thoughts as they fell. "FOR ARCEUS' SAKE! HOW DO YOU STOP IT?!"

The three fell through time, Ash clutching Celebi tight. Too tight.

"PIKAPI!" 'ASH, LET HER GO! YOU'RE HURTING HER!' Pikachu shouted as he struggled to hold onto his trainer's shoulder.

Then the time tunnel came to an end as all of them were spat out into a dark hole. Ash tumbled, slamming into the hard rocky ground, rolling to a stop.

Celebi groaned, rubbing her arm. "Bi…" 'That hurt…' she moaned.

Ash, covered in dirt and cuts, staring at her. "Better a little pain then you getting distracted and changing the timeline." he said, giving her a pointed look. "We BOTH know what happened the last time."

"Bi?" 'But you weren't there?' she said.

"I met Sphyra and Kyoji told me EVERYTHING." Ash said, voice shaking. "You got distracted and changed history. Like HELL I was going to let that happen again if I could avoid it."

Celebi wanted to cry…but she saw tears in HIS eyes.

He was crying. He was scared. Scared she'd accidentally erase everyone from history by accident.

Ash was afraid of time travel. Afraid of poking one blade of grass and erasing Serena or Misty from history.

Celebi was a child, but children have the power of empathy. She could FEEL his fear. His anger borne not of hate, but worry.

Would the mere act of being there erase their respective loved ones from history?

Celebi flashed, but was unable to leave. Ash's fearful, somewhat justified, grip on her hurt her a lot. His Celebi - who she considered a big sister and Ash's 'daughter' - was also too wounded to try.

They were stuck there and she said as much.

Ash, getting to his feet, started laughing. It was not a good laugh.

"Just fucking GREAT!" he snapped. "We're stuck Arceus knows how far in the past and we can't leave immediately. It's like the Creator wants to see how far it takes to SNAP me. Ok. Fine. Time to take stock. What do we have, what do we need." He pulled out the Pokedex to check the balls he had on him.

A Tauros from the herd, Quilava, Goodra, Bayleef and Natu. He thought he'd have time to get the others in, but he was so focused on Sammy and surprised by Agatha that he never thought about it. Stupid of him.

And 'his' Celebi.

He could still work with this. First, time for a review of the rules of time travel.

Rule One: DON'T. Screwing with the timeline is never worth it and you are more then likely to make things WORSE.

Rule Two: In the event you can't avoid the first rule and find yourself in the past, avoid all contact with anyone or anything and return to the future as soon as possible.

Rule 3: If you're in for the long haul, STAY. HIDDEN. Go out for food and water, but otherwise stay in the shadows.

A simple set of rules. Ash might not have been the smartest man in the world, but he was HIGHLY experienced. And the more complicated you made something, the easier it was to screw up. And simple worked.

Second: provisions. …He left everything in Arborville. Foraging it was. Stealthily. Good thing he kept up on his ninja training.

He let all the Pokemon out of their balls, Natu nesting on his head for a minute.

"…Guys, this is serious." Ash said before removing Natu from his head. "We're Arceus knows where in time and unless I'm told otherwise, we're in the past. Celebi, I need you to keep your 'little sister' from trying to leave without us. I know she's not exactly fighting fit and neither are you, but-"

"Bi.' 'She's not going anywhere. Trust me.' said the annoyed pixie.

"Everyone else, stay here and help Celebi. Pikachu, you're with me." Ash finished, all nodding and keeping an eye on the deeper part of the cave and the opening.

Pikachu hopped on his shoulder, as per usual. He knew Ash REFUSED to go anywhere without him.

Never again.

Hopefully they would be a few years in the past, they could get a few dozen potions and be on their way in a matter of hours.

No muss. No fuss. Simple, right?

20 minutes later

The older, less professionally made clothing, foot wrappings instead of socks, geta sandals and the wicker sedge hats made Ash want to SCREAM as he saw people from a distance, hiding in a bush.

While some people still wore those in Johto and Ransei, they were also clearly not woven by a machine and were a fair bit bulkier and less form-fitting.

"We're in the fucking past." he deadpanned after a moment before his face turned red with rage.

"Pikapi." 'Ash. Stealth.' his starter said. "Pika." 'Remember your rules.'

"I. Am. TRYING." he said, restraining his voice as best he could. "Of all the stupid places she could've taken us, WHY Sinnoh FOUR THOUSAND YEARS IN THE PAST?!"

He'd recognize Mount Coronet anywhere, so he was in Sinnoh. Or Hisui in the ancient tongue.

And he only knew THAT from their manner of speaking: more formal, akin to Ranseian, but still closer to the languages used on the mainland. The two only split off four thousand years ago.

Something he learned in Ransei, no less. That did not solve one problem.

No easy-to-get potions to heal the Celebis. No understanding, easily quieted Nurse Joy to let him use the center's healing systems, which wouldn't be invented for another 3500 years.

They were stuck there until the two pixies healed naturally. …This convinced him that he was in a special level of hell created JUST for him by Arceus.

It would take weeks, MONTHS, for them to heal! And that wasn't the largest problem, as his Pokemon were discussing back at the cave.

"Natu." 'We're going to be here for a while and HE MUST SLEEP.' Natu said, knowing the problem.

Ash's life was a series of life-threatening and horrifying situations, deaths and resurrections and on top of that, he had seen the Realm of the Dead without protection.

Thanks to those events, his nightmares would make Darkrai wince in sympathy.

There was only one solution, inadvertently discovered in Ransei: the heartbeat of one Ash's mates - Serena especially - put an end to them. He did not dream, but he had no nightmares. Maybe TWO girls would make him have happy dreams.

But they had exactly none of them. And a Pokemon's heartbeat would be next to useless. Pikachu slept next to him for weeks and it did NOTHING.

Could Ash defeat his nightmares?

Ash's Rules of Time Travel

Rule One: Don't. Doesn't matter how much you want to correct what you think is a mistake, it's NOT worth it. You'll only make matters worse.

Ron the True Fan: Ash and Take would get along SWIMMINGLY.

Takeshi Yamato: Indeed. The human mind just isn't designed to deal with time travel. Not to mention stories involving it are either really good or cringe-worthy. There is no middle ground, and the cringe is more common than the good stuff. So I just steer clear as best I can.

Ron the True Fan: And we both know where my feet are firmly planted. Now… you all are probably a LITTLE pissed at me starting a sidefic when Johto is ongoing. Truth is… I need a break from adapting Johto's anime to SOT, but Poke called. Legends Arceus was a perfect way to deal with it. Plus people would want to know WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, so…

Takeshi Yamato: And I'm along for the ride as a beta. I'm not touching the nightmares, though.

Ron the True Fan: Take, to you, I AM the nightmares. I am the nightmare that torments your writing LIFE.

Takeshi Yamato: …Fair enough. But I'm not touching ASH's nightmares. That's your thing, not mine. It makes sense, but I'm still not comfortable with that kind of thing.

Ron the True Fan: Now…I need a NAME for this goddamn thing…

Ja Ne!