"Lorsque au soleil couchant les rivières sont roses"

"Et qu'un tiède frisson court sur les champs de blé,"

I sing to myself softly in my room while gathering up sweaty clothes into the hamper, preparing for laundry on my team's day off. As lazy as it may sound, the fact that there are basic modern amenities here like washers and dryers fills my heart with happiness. I at least don't have to put in the extra work to do my laundry like in olden times.

"Un conseil d'être heureux semble sortir des choses"

"Et monter vers le coeur troublé."

It may not be the wisest thing to do but I like singing, so why not sing an old classical piece. I always liked this song ever since being introduced to classical music by my dad. Even though the piece isn't in my native tongue, it still feels nostalgic in a way.

"Un conseil de goûter le charme d'être au monde"

'I wonder what Dosu does in his spare time? I know he likes to read and train, but what else is there to him? What about Zaku, does he cook a lot? I really don't know anything about Sensei, other than he's a hard ass...'

"Cependant qu'on est jeune et que le soir est beau,"

I grimace at a particularly gross set of clothes. It was covered in that purple gunk from my first mission.

'I should set this on fire.'

But I don't, I only have a few sets of clothes.

'I should buy more clothes today.'

I have a livable amount of money, I don't seem to need to pay much for rent or food but I still don't have a large amount of cash on me. Kin doesn't have a bank account, apparently the team goes to the Otokage's office every month to collect a salary. Not that I've ever met the man, as he seems to be very busy, but there is always someone there. Just in case.

"Car nous nous en allons, comme s'en va cette onde:"

I collect the last of my laundry and throw a notebook and my books on top of the clothes. I balance the basket on my hip to open the door. I head down to the location of the laundry area I found earlier, which is located on the ground level of my apartment and behind the building. I have never met any of my neighbors, but I know people live here. The bedsheets on the clothesline change everyday.

'Maybe everyone is nocturnal here...'

"Elle à la mer, nous au tombeau."

I place my basket on the ground. I decide to wash my colors first and sort them into the washer, leaving the whites behind. I grab the detergent and pour it into the dispenser drawer. I set the washer and pull out my book on Chakra Theory, leaning against the machine as I study.

-xxx-

After doing my laundry and cleaning up my room I'm at a loss of what to do. I already studied for four hours today, counting my reading while waiting for my clothes to become magically clean and fresh. I well exceeded my allotted study time today and don't have anymore chores.

'What does Kin do in her spare time? If I had some supplies I could do some cool stuff to this apartment.'

Normally I would watch videos online, mess around on my smartphone, listen to or make music, or maybe find some friends to hang out with-

'That's an idea! I'll just find Zaku and Dosu!'

I skip out of my apartment. We aren't really friends but being friendly will put us one step closer. Thankfully they showed me where they live after our delivery mission, so I know just where to go. Dosu lives only a few buildings from me so that's the first stop. I knock on his ground level apartment door, tucking my hands behind my back. A few seconds later Dosu cracks open his door enough to see me but not let me in.

"Hey Dosu!" I chirp out and wave. "How're things?"

"What do you want Kin?" His eye narrows. "I'm not in the mood to help you out with your studies."

I falter at that. "Oh, it's nothing like that. I just got done with studying and chores. I was bored so I came to see you!" I smile and tilt my head. "Can't I spend time with my team?"

He continues to stare at me with his narrowed eye. I begin to feel unnerved.

"Um, Dosu?"

"Go away. I don't want to talk to anyone." He closes the door in my face.

"Oh. See you tomorrow, then." That was rude, I wasn't expecting him to be so asocial. He never shied from speaking and before he was always friendly to me.

'Well I have one more teammate to try, I guess.'

Zaku lives two streets over on the top floor of a three floor complex. It takes a couple minutes to make my way over to him. I pass a few other pedestrians milling about the street and walking in and out of shops. There doesn't seem to be any cars in this world so it's probably safer than in my world to just wander.

At the top of the stairs of his complex I spy Zaku outside watering a potted plant. This should be easy, I plaster a smile to my face and call out to him.

"Hey! Zaku!"

He looks startled and darts his head to the origin of the noise. He eyes me up and down.

"Hey! Kin. Do you need something?"

"No, I was bored after finishing what I need to do today. So I decided to visit you. Do you have anything you need to do today?"

He smirks at me. "I'm glad you kept some habits. No, I don't have shit to do." He sets the watering can next to his plant. He strides over to me and starts down the stairs. "Come on, let's go to our usual place."

'Thank the Lord, he's actually social!'

"Let's go!"

I follow behind him for a few minutes. We eventually exit the village and come to a rocky area with some caves.

"So... this... is the place, huh?" I muse. Zaku doesn't say anything and just smirks. We head into one of the caves. It isn't very deep but does have a turn. He plops down onto a boulder and kicks back.

'Is this all? Seems boring.'

"So, Zaku..."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Just give me a second to settle down, would ya?"

I am taken aback at that, what does he intend to do? "What do you mean? I'm a bit lost here, Zaku."

He casts a glance at me then rolls his eyes. "I keep forgetting you're a total amnesiac. Fine, here, cripple gets the first hit."

"Hit? Hit who?"

He digs into his pocket and procures a pipe and lighter, offering them to me. Tentatively I pick them out of his hand. 'Oh God, Kin smokes. But nothing smells like cigarettes in her apartment...'

"What is this?" I look up from the items to Zaku.

"Oh Kami, you're really dumb. It's cannabis you idiot. It's drugs. You seriously can't remember anything can you?"

"D- d- drugs!? Zaku!" I almost drop it but manage to catch the items with my other hand. Some of the ground plant matter fell onto the ground, though.

Zaku points and laughs at me. "I can't believe this!" He continues with his raucous laughter slapping his thigh. "You're the one who introduced me to this stuff! This is too rich!"

"I- I didn't, I wouldn't." Drugs, oh my God Kin. "Why haven't I felt any withdrawal symptoms!? Zaku this kind of stuff is dangerous!"

Well that didn't stop his hilarity, if anything it caused him to become even more giggly. "Withdrawal!? You're too dense! Here give it to me, I'll show you idiot!" Despite myself I return the items to him.

"Zaku, we shouldn't be doing this kind of stuff... what if we get into trouble?"

Zaku just snorts and places the pipe to his mouth. He inhales as he lights the plant matter. He holds his breath, I can see his chest puff out. Then he exhales and smirks at me. "This stuff isn't hard. There are no withdrawal symptoms, all it does is make you happy and kinda slow. Seriously Kin, do you think I'd let a teammate get all strung out on that kind of stuff?"

"Well, that still doesn't answer my question about it being illegal! What if we get caught?"

"Why would we get caught? There isn't anything wrong with it." He offers me the drugs again. "Come on, seriously, everyone does it. Sensei does it even. Don't tell me that you're turning out like Dosu after your accident. I can't stand to have two sticks in the mud on my team!"

Every school assembly talking about the dangers of drug abuse and every talk with my parents about how drug users just steal and live off society battles me in my mind. "I've never even smoked a cigarette!" I refuse to take it from him.

He groans. "Fine... more for me. Guess this is what I get for being nice." He continues in his morally reprehensible activities for a few minutes while I stand there and gawk. It's incredibly awkward. Eventually, he tips the pipe over and spills the spent contents to the floor. "Seriously though Kin this is, like, all we do. If you don't want to do this we don't have a whole lot to bond over." He shrugs. "I'll miss our antics but it's whatever."

I bite my lip. "So, there isn't anything else we do? We don't hike or go shopping? Nothing like that?"

"That stuff sounds boring as shit. Go be boring somewhere else." He visibly relaxes and closes his eyes.

I start to tear up. 'I'm alone aren't? I'm going to be alone.' I clutch my arms and start to sniffle.

"Oh, God! You're crying? Now you aren't just boring and weird, now you're a total crybaby!"

"At least I'm not a loser!" I rush out of there but I hear him yell at me as I run out of the cave.

"Loser? You're the one running away!"

-xxx-

As soon as I dash into the room I sob on the floor.

"I'm alone. I'm alone. I'll always be alone here."

I spy the mirror through my tears soaked eyes, so carelessly cast aside on the floor. I pick myself up, pick up the mirror, and stare into it. My rage takes me and I smash the offensive visage with my fist, then throw it to the floor. I kick the object across the floor as though the face that was not my own would be destroyed with the shards. I stomp on it, over and over until the shards become smaller and smaller fractures.

I pull out my kunai and eye it. A loose strand of hair too long and too dark to belong to me, really belong to me, dances in my vision. I grasp the strand from the root and slice at it in a single motion.

The cutting stings, it is not at all like sheers. The kunai is not built for this purpose in mind. But I have to take myself back before I get lost in this persona. I slice and slice at handfuls of hair with painful shouts. I know it isn't an even cut but I don't care, the damn hair has to go.

I cry for the rest of the day, alone in my room.

-xxx-

The next day, if anyone notices my change in hairstyle no one comments. Instead, Sensei pairs me up with Dosu "in order to compare my improvements over the last week" or something.

We face each other off on the flat training area used prior by Zaku and me. The tension in my body ready to spring into any direction. Dosu appears lazy, regarding these events as not even worth half of his attention. Knowing what my skill level is at, even in spite of my improvements, I steel myself for the incoming beating. Though, that doesn't mean I couldn't show off a few tricks.

"Start!" At the very moment Sensei backs off I duck for cover behind a boulder. In haste, I throw a kunai from my cover while I run through some slow hand signs. This technique, the "Hiding in the Shadows" is pretty much a glorified Transformation; it seamlessly blends the caster with the surrounding space and adjusts to real time light conditions. I send out an illusory Clone to draw Dosu away from my position as I hear him coming from meters away. Thankfully, the ploy works to my favor and he follows after the Clone. I smirk.

He's none the wiser to my next move.

I pull out some bells attached to senbon from my bag and plant them near my position in an arc around me. If I am able to draw him into my net of disruptive Genjutsu, I could easily knock him out.

I watch and manipulate the Clone to dodge and weave as though its life depended on it. Slowly, I lured Dosu into my trap. As soon as I saw him take a single step into my work I drop my clone and hiding techniques; I then start to ring my bells, which are attached to ninja wire. Interestingly, it appears these bells aren't actual bells; they were specifically designed for casting a Genjutsu. Without channeling Chakra through them, the bells would otherwise be silent.

It does help to shake them a small amount in order to focus the technique itself, but the technique is essentially releasing Chakra down the wires in order to activate some kind of technology or weird Chakra matrix located inside the bells. More of a tool, really...

Dosu clutches his temples in an obvious show of a sudden migraine so I rushed at him with the back of a kunai. Right as I am about to connect he brings up his metal arm, which causes a loud clang to resonate. It was in that moment I knew the battle was over. I retch and crumple on my side. I start to vomit my breakfast as soon as I impact earth.

Sensei only nods and utters "as expected." I really don't know if that was positive or negative. But I don't have the emotional energy to care.

The mission of the day, which is another custodial job, is completed in silence. I clean the filth off the floors this time. I can't help myself from thinking venomous thoughts.

'Dosu is fake. He doesn't care about anyone. Zaku is an addict and he is arrogant. Sensei is a monster for teaching children to kill. I hate this place, there is nothing good about it. No light can exist in this black hole. It'll swallow up everything good about someone then twist them into monsters. No ethics, no compassion, only selfish survival.'

'I must survive.'

-xxx-

A/N:

Thank you for reading, your reviews and all the favorites and follows! You are each very precious to me!

Sorry if this chapter came out as a downer, it was supposed to be fluff but the friendliness (that I wanted to show) didn't make sense in the context of the story. This is going to be a long and hard road for our protagonist!

Beau Soir is a French poem written by Paul Bourget and used as the lyrics of an art song composed by Claude Debussy. I definitely suggest listening to a few recordings if you are so inclined to do. Especially the women's choir version arranged by Linda Steen on YouTube, though another great recording is by Gérard Souzay. The links will be included in my profile.

...hopefully, I won't get into any trouble with public domain lyrics...