Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls
" Do you ever wonder where Suse goes off to when she's off work ?" Abel watched Suse's retreating figure from their window , his legs slung over the sofa arm .
Dipper glanced over the top of her book
" Besides to eat or visit her grandfather? No idea ."
" Suse ?" Suse had burst into the manor in a panic and was muttering something about a wedding. " What's wrong ? You're being more emotional than Will ." Abel said with slight concern.
" My cousin's getting married this weekend and I promised my abuelo I would get a date !" She gasped. " I know this may be surprising to you Dogs , but I'm not that good at talking to dudes !" She sighed and swiped a piece of paper from a box of shattered knives and taped it to her face . " You belong on me , " Broken beyond repair and now utterly useless " sign .
" Dipper !" Abel hissed . " Are you just going to let her go through this ?"
Dipper snorted. " What? Are we supposed to get her a date ? She's just part of the staff , Abel . Don't Tell me you feel sympathy for her . "
" Dipping sauce, she's been our favorite servant since we came to Gravity Falls! Remember how many times she helped us before? All the fun we had ? If we don't help her , it will be like leaving a golden retriever to suffer all alone!"
" You act like we're above that ."
" Dipper …for me !"
She rolled her eyes . " Fine."
To be honest with herself , she wouldn't mind hearing her brother's romantic advice for herself . You know , for scientific purposes.
Abel rolled from his position and ripped off the piece of paper from Suse's face . " See these knives , Suse ? They're completely broken , like you ."
" Dog , this isn't making me feel any better-"
" Suse ! These knives may be broken , but look at these jagged edges . These knives may be harder to handle, but they're also very sharp , possibly sharper than unbroken knives. You are a broken knife,Suse ."
Dipper shook her head . " Dear Lord ."
" I-I am a broken knife . You're right , Dude !"
Abel pumped his fist into the air " Will , get our credit cards , we're going to the place where romance lives and fashion styles die ! To the mall !"
" So , what you're saying is these humans spend all of their time and money in this shopping complex to fulfill empty materialistic desires and to impress people in their social circles by buying trendy , useless items such as skinny jeans and soft pretzels?"Will scratched his head .
" That's what I've observed so far ." Dipper scribbled in her notebook." This " Mall" is a social experiment that may be even more interesting than Suse's romantic interactions with men ." She looked up to see Suse chasing after a man with her fingers prying open her eyes and screaming" Eye contact !"
She snapped her notebook shut . " I stand corrected."
" Abel pinched the bridge of his nose. " You're really bad at this. "Suse hung her head . " Don't worry Suse . " Abel retrieved a quarter machine toy . " You just have to stick with it !" The sticky hand stuck to Suse's cheek .
" Feel it , it's real ."
Suse looked up to see her cousin and their future spouse."I can't be seen like this, I have to hide !"
Suse collapsed against a shelf and groaned . " This is it . A lifetime of loneliness . You're the only ones that understand me , Fighty Hogg , Dr. Punch Head ."
" This is pathetic." Dipper shook her head . " I almost feel ...sorry for her ."
Will turned around the shop in circles .
So this is that form of overpriced , digital human sedation my young master was telling me about . Fascinating.
" Huh . Never seen that one before" Suse picked up a box . " Virtually improve your dating skills .Nine out of ten basement dwellers recommend ."
" Huh , I haven't seen that one either .Abel leaned over her shoulder. " What ?" He noticed his sister's questioning glance. " Candy brought over some games once . It was fun ."
" I wouldn't recommend that one Miss ." The cashier said ." This is the third time someone brought it back , plus there's a note on it that says " Destroy at all costs ".
" So , hey there .What's your deal ? "" Suse leaned against a cardboard cutout of a very handsome action character"How about-" The cutout fell to the ground . " Oh God he's dead !"
" I think the risks might be worth the potential benefits." Dipper threw her a pitying look .
" We'll take our chances."
" Young masters ." Will walked up to them . " Have you ever heard of this " Animal Crossing" ?"
" Well, that's about my entire life story. Now tell me something about you !"
" Suse ?"The twins pushed Suse's door open .
" Every time you compliment me , I get another highlight in my eyes !"
The twins saw a rather handsome technicolored anime boy whose eyes got wider every time Suse gave him another compliment . By the end , the boy was shaking and making unidentifiable noises .
" Suse , have you slept at all ?"
Suse shook her head . " I haven't seen any natural sunlight in thirteen hours ! But get this , I'm going on dates and making eye contact !"
" Suse , maybe it's time for you to apply these skills with real boys ." Abel drew back the curtains, causing Suse to dive under her desk and hiss.
GIF winked . " Why , nya Suse !" He swiped his hand like a paw and giggled a little too hard.
" Ugh . We're going back to the mall ."
The twins began to drag her away . " I'll see you later GIF ! I'll be back , I swear!"
" It's just a game , you don't need to wish him farewell." Dipper rolled her eyes .
GIF glared at the shut door . " Right , it's just a game , and very soon you'll be just a corpse..."
" Pick a boy , any boy ." Abel inspected his fingernails.
Suse walked backwards. " These boys have so many dimensions , and no explanatory menus !" She crashed into a man , making him drop his bag ." U-undo ! Undo !"
"The man cradled his messenger bag . " You can't undo who you are ." He hissed . Suse took several steps backwards , slamming her back against a store window .
" I hate this ! I wish I was safe back home with GIF-
" Hi Suse !"
Suse turned to the animated boy who was literally exuding hearts out of his pixelated body .
" Oh , GIF ! I'm so glad to see you ! But also kind of confused …"
GIF pressed his hand as if in an attempt to lift her chin. " Oh Suse...I am anything but an ordinary game ." He switched between multiple screens . " I am ...special ." He sent a bolt of electricity into a robot dog . "The programmers tried to delete me , so I had to delete them ." He said darkly with flashing eyes .
" Are they okay ?" Suse pressed her hands against the main screen .
"That's not important ." Said multiple GIFs across multiple screens . " What is important is you never have to speak to any other boy again ,we can stay together ...FOREVER !" One giant GIF formed across all of the screens . His mouth was grinning like mad , but his eyes shone with something else .
" Well , that sounds nice . Sort of a red flag ." She noticed his smile dropped into a scowl . " But mostly awesome !"
GIF broke out in his computerized laugh . " I'm glad you see things my way …" He smirked and gestured like he would if he wished to tip her chin back even farther .
"So what do you want to do now ?"
" Anything you want , new girlfriend ."
" Where did she go , anyways ?"
Dipper shrugged . " Will said we were likely to find her around this sticky , tacky area that's called "kidz zone "."
" Is that her ?"
Everyone turned to the play area where Suse sat on a toy train . The surprising part was she was talking ...to a boy !
" Dipping Sauce , are you hearing what I'm hearing ?"
" D-did they just agree to go on a date ?" Will stuttered .
" Look at how they're looking at each other ! Now he's walking off into the sunset ! Come on !" Abel dragged them both towards the play area . " Suse !" Abel tackled her . " That was amazing !"
" You held a conversation and you got a date ." Dipper held in her feelings of being impressed .
"I got a date ?" Suse said from her position on the floor .
" You acted liked you done this a million times before , that game actually worked ! You don't need it anymore !"
" Like ...get rid of it ?But I like GIF . He's predictable ."
" Uh , Suse . You do realize that you can't take GIF to your cousin's wedding ." Abel scratched the back of his neck .
" I -" She looked crestfallen .
" Let's go home ."
GIF watched their retreating forms . So his little Suse intended to leave him ? He glitched violently . He wasn't going to give her up so easily , and that was a promise .
" So , GIF ." Suse rubbed the back of her neck . " I was wondering if I could ask you a question ."
" Anything you want , new girlfriend . I am programmed to find everything you say interesting ."
" Well , my cousin's party is coming up and I think I should take someone a little less , you know … beep boop ."
" I don't think you know what you're talking about." He raised his voice. " Every other guy will make fun of you ! No one understands you like me , and no one will ever love you like me !'
" Y-you think so ?"
" I know so ! You bought my game , I held your books , you're mine ! Now sit down in that chair or else !"
" I don't like the way you're acting!'
" I won't let them take you away from me ! I do whatever it takes to keep you , you're mine !" He slammed his fists against the screen.
Suse's eyes grew wide . " Pause !" She slammed down on her keyboard.
GIF's face which was set in pure rage a second ago was now frozen in one of disbelief ( and perhaps...hurt ?).
" I'm so sorry." Suse sighed." But I think having a cursed robo boyfriend was less of a good idea than I thought. I'm taking you back after this date . I'm sorry GIF ." She retrieved the disc and sulkily walked out .
The black screen glitched with blinding flashes of light . GIF's distorted face jerked up and down." You shouldn't have done that Suse ."
" You can do this Suse !" Abel yelled .
Will beat on her back upon instructor of his master .
Abel pointed to the determined looking girl ." How does he look ?"
" Nice !"
" What are his stories ?"
" Interesting!"
" And who's going to be the most charming date in the world?"
" SUSE IS !"
" Now ...date !" Suse screamed and tore away .
" They grow up so fast ." Abel sighed.
Will wiped a tear . As an immortal being, he was no stranger to others growing and aging at lighting speed , but still .Miss Ramirez was his favorite human in Gravity Falls (perhaps beside that Gala Pines that his young master was obsessed with ) . He couldn't help but tear up .
Dipper sniffed . "Freaks ."
" Pacific, that's disgusting."
" For your information, sugar on pizza is delicious ! Hey , look ! Mel came in with his date ! And they're holding hands !"
" Wait a second , is that ?"
" Pacific Northwest ."
They turned in their booth to see the twins (and Will ) sitting across from them .
Gal sighed . Not a day goes by without-
"Gal ! " Abel sprung from his seat into her lap , nuzzling her face .
" Help me !"
Pacific was about to remove the (rather forward) boy from his cousin when Dipper slid from her booth to in-between Pacific and the couple .
" God , Gleeful. Are you stalking us again ?"
" Pft . Not everything's about you . We were overseeing our servant's date ."
Will awkwardly came up to the table, forced to stand at the end from lack of room.
" You mean Mel is dating-"
Abel separated his face an inch away from Gal's to look at him. " Suse . Our favorite servant and friend . Our first friend from Gravity Falls , actually." He moved back towards Gal and began to deeply purr in contentment.
Pacific thought it was kind've rude to say that in front of Will , but the demon seemed used to it . He gave a heavy sigh rather than burst into tears.
" Relax, she's nothing like us , if that's what you're worried about ."
Pacific had to admit that was pretty comforting .
Fine . This night could go smoothly. Mel and Suse looked like they were having enjoying themselves. He took a sip of his soda . Perhaps tonight could even be fun .
GIf watched the couple from behind the thick screen of the arcade machine. He burned deep with jealousy .
Did that ponytail-wearing idiot think he could just swoop in and take his Suse away from him ?
Suse's eyes strayed towards him , causing her to choke .
Mel patted her arm . He should be the only one to comfort her and care for her ! Only him !
You left me … for him ?
Suse roze from her seat and ran over to the pathetic twins and that bluenette man who was always misty eyed . If that was their attempt to hide , than defeating them would be no problem.
As for that stage full of animatronics … what perfect vessels .
" Don't worry Suse . Very soon we'll be together and you'll see things my way…"
" Hey Mel ! How about we go into the deep woods away from all people and electronics !"
" But the show is starting…"
Suse slowly turned to the stage .
" Oh no ."
" Hello friends . " The animalistic animatronic strung a cord . "Who-ha the owl is dead ." The lights suddenly shifted , bathing the stage in an alien light. " This next song goes out to my forever, and I do mean forever, girlfriend Suse .
Dipper nudged her brother .
" I'm busy."
" If you weren't so preoccupied with cuddling your plaything then you would realize that disturbing animatronic has been possessed and everything's about to go to h-"
Abel's eyes snapped open .
Suse grabbed Mel's lavender sleeve . " We need to get out of here!"
" The only way out is in my arms ! After them ." GIF growled .
She's not getting away from me . Not now , not ever .
The animatronics chased after the customers and Gala and Pacific we're dragged away by their respective Gleeful without an explanation . GIF snapped his fingers, causing the security screens to slam down over the exits before his main targets could escape .
" Sorry Suse ." His voice rose an octave higher. " But you can't run away from our relationship." Balls shot towards his targets. " And you certainly can't run away from me ."
Surprisingly , it was Will who moved first . He tugged down an arcade machine which made an effective (though crammed) shield .
GIF had the urge to roll his eyes. They were talking amongst themselves, probably trying to come up with a plan to defeat them .
He stalked towards them , his true self following suit on the arcade screens .
" Dating simulator that achieved sentience and went crazy -" Suse breathlessly explained.
" Oh , I am crazy .Crazy for you , Suuuse ." Electricity blasted from his palm .
" Look , Mel , there's only one way out of here . I'll distract him and the kids will protect you . It's the only way !
" Suse , these are children ."
" The only way !" Suse used a platter to protect her head from the downpour of plastic balls and slid under the animatronic rats and slid on underneath the shutter doors of the kitchen .
" We'll separate on three ." Dipper said . " One , two , three-" A metal slaw split the machine between them , causing them to scatter .
Gal gasped " Where are we -"
" In here !" Abel pushed her up the slide .
" Wait , shoes first !"
Pacific gulped .
" I'm going to eat your face like pizza !"The enormous bear had nearly cornered him .
" You idiot! " Dipper stepped in front of him , slamming down a button that caused the machine to flash , effectively distracting the bear . Dipper grabbed his wrist and ran past the giggling monstrosity .
" How did you -"
" Honestly Northwest, all I had to do was distract a slow fool with flashing lights and sounds . Do you know what I do for a living?"
The bear turned to them at that comment, ready to strike.
BAM!
Mel slammed a chair over it's head , breathing heavily.
Two shadows appeared behind him , claws outstretched .
He did the only thing left to do . He screamed.
" I really suggest you stop struggling Suse , or this is going to be a lot more painful than it needs to be!"
He had backed her against a still-hot oven and he was still coming closer to her .
" I've gotten every one of you surrounded . "He laughed ." There's no way ouuut ."
" I'll do anything you want! Just let them go!"
" You promised to be my girlfriend , and that is a promise you're going to keep, one way or another . Think about it .All the other boys are unpredictable . They laugh and judge you . Do you really think Mel will take you back after that awful date ?" The kitchen TV showed the images reflective of Suse's fears .His metal arms wrapped around her waist in a death grip , his two-dimensional eyes staring into hers with an intense gaze that made a shiver run down her spine . " I can download your brain on this hard drive . So we can be together, forever. I really suggest you take the offer Suse . " His hand tilted her chin upward in a painfully crushing grip . " Or else I'll have to do something I really don't want to do ."
" Miss Question Mark , are you in here ?"
A trembling Will stumbled through , looking genuinely shocked at what he found there.
GIF sharply turned to him . " Suse won't be talking to any other boy ever again. Especially not a weeping coward like you !"
" S-hut up . And let go of Miss Ramirez !"
Suse realized the opportunity she had . Carefully she retrieved the disc and slid it into the oven .
" I'd kill every other male on this planet before they take her away . Fortunately though , I won't have to . You're coming with me -"
Suddenly, Suse let out a sharp hiss of pain .
" Suse, what's wrong -" He looked down to see sparks flying off his body and landing on Suse . He pulled away ( he wouldn't want her to get hurt beyond repair) and a second later he began to scream as his flesh began to melt off .' No, this isn't supposed to happen ! We were supposed to be together !" His distressed face would have been covered in tears if it was possible . " No , Suse !" He choked. " We were supposed to together! Forever-" His skeleton of a body dropped to the ground.
" I'm sorry about this . This place seemed a lot more fun when I was a kid . " Suse slouched against the skeeball machine.
" Believe or not I've been on worst dates ."
" Really?"
" Never date a magician ."
" Ew , why would I?"
They both laughed and walked towards Suse's friends .
" By the way , would you be interested in going to my cousin's wedding? I swear there are like zero robot badgers ." She retrieved the invitation card from her pocket .
" Oh , I'm sorry Suse . It's just that I'm in Portland for two weeks , and it's something I can't get out of."
" You're going back to Portland? But what about my cousin's wedding ? Last time I said I had a boyfriend and there was no one to show it didn't end well ."
Abel nudged his sister . " Are you thinking what I'm thinking ?"
Will's knees began to knock under their intense gaze .
" Oh Suse , we found you a date !"
Will was far from an inexperienced dancer , but it was hard to tell by his movements made clumsy by him shaking all over .
" Just a reminder , Will ." Dipper grinned menacingly over her book . " If you are anything less than the perfect wedding date , then you'll be spending the night in the torture chamber.
" Aww." Abel leaned on his sister's shoulder , watching the dancing couple. " You do care ."
Everyone in the Gleeful household is showing their love for Suse in this chapter . I love GIF , and I'm glad I added in some of his parts . Also wanted Will to play hero , because I don't think of him as a coward, you know ? He's rather selfless and heroic, but in a quiet kind of way. I adore him and love writing from his POV! Some future chapters are going to be based on actual episodes . BTW , Suse had a room in the Gleeful's manor , though she visits her grandfather a lot to keep him company .
Thanks , and don't forget to review!