Disclaimer: I don't own Gravity Falls

" Oh . My . God." Gal failed to contain a snort ." You mean when you were nine you -"

" Made "Abel's guide to life " videos? Yes , yes I did ."

" Aw , you're so cute ! "

" Yeah , my sense of style was a bit quirky back then ." He laughed and rested his chin on his hands . " I convinced my friends to gang up on people and give them extreme makeovers . Will was our main target , but he wasn't much of a challenge."

" You made your sister flip her shades at you ?"

' Hey , this is where we got Grunkle Stan ! " He shook his head. " What was weirder was he liked his tiger face paint ."

" These are great !"

" I know , right? " He turned to her . " I was thinking... I've only gotten wiser over the years ." He wiggled his brows . " And now that I you , a very important installment , I think it's time for a reboot."

" What ?"

" Come on." He took her hands and waved his arms . " Abel's and Gal's guide to life " He poked her cheek . " And company!"

" I mean it sounds fun ,but what can we make videos of ?"

" I'm glad you asked !" He plopped into his desk chair and tugged her into his lap . " I have made an entire binder dedicated to these ideas ."

" Wow ." She breathed. " You made these just yesterday?"

" Well , no . I started writing these down when I was six and never really stopped."

" That explains why I can't even lift it ."

He grinned . " I've already did most of the work . See ? I numbered my them in chronological order , by favorite , and most lethal .Though those last two categories tend to overlap!"

" What ?"

He he slid his arms around her waist and spun them in his chair at a dizzying speed . " This is going to be so much fun !"

" I said it then and I'll say it now ,a horrible remix of you saying your name while you do random activities makes a horrible theme song." Dipper said from the doorway ,

" We're keeping it ! " He turned to the camera . "Today , Able's guide to … dating! Pst ,hold up the sign , Suse !" He hissed. " Anyways , as we all know, I am a dating expert ! In fact , I can't I just can't keep the kids off of me !"

A cardboard cutout of a character (from a certain musical about high school life) was held up to the window. " Abel , I love you so much! Please let me into your life !"

" You know what you did , Zac ! Oh wait, I don't have to do this anymore, I have a real girl now !" He slapped his forehead. " I'll delete that later … Will , get me the phone!"

" Just pretend you're attracted to me!"

" What ?"Gal and Pacific stood before him .

" Oh , would you look at that ! We're filming!"

Pacific sighed. " Abel , I don't know how to express my desire to be with you , so I cover them up with violence . Like this ." He took a rolled up cardboard sign and smacked him in the head .

" I ...uh " She began to pet his hair awkwardly. " You have pretty eyes ."

He leaned into her touch and began to purr . " See , audience? Can't stay away from me ! " He whipped out an photo album " Today my Album of First Dates makes a guest appearance ! My album was considerably smaller when I was nine , but if my nine -year self could see me now ..."

Pacific hit him again. " Stop tearing up and get on with it!"

" Right!" He moved the camera into the main living room. " Today I am going to test the datebility of five of the most hottest ladies and gents in Gravity Falls! Suse !"

" Get ready to fall in love America! I am looking at the right camera , right?"

" Will !"

" A-am I doing this right ? " He wrung his hands . " It's been five years since I was on film and even then -"

" Dipper !"

" Kill me ."

" Pacific!"

" Who are you even making this for ?"

" And my personal favorite, Gal !"

" You said we were going to have ice cream … and why has three out of the four cameras been on me the entire time ?"

He shot her a scoop of ice cream in her mouth.

She sighed. " Fine, I'm pacified ."

" Now time for a simple nine-thousand question dating quiz !"

" How many kids would you like to have ?" Suse tapped the pencil against her chin . " Seven ! One to love for each day of the week!"

" How do you treat a gal or guy ?" Pacific rubbed his neck , recalling his time with Rob . " Hover near by and laugh at everything they say , obviously!"

" What would you do if you met the right man , who'd worship and adore you , who'd do anything you say and be your devoted slave , then what would you do ?' Dipper chuckled . " I would pity them .

" I -" Will's face flushed at one of the questions. " I would never !"

Gal looked over his shoulder. " What are you looking at - ' She yelped and flew backward .

" I never said all the questions would be PG ." Able wagged a finger. " Now , while they're busy working on this ...we give you animal dating!"

"NO ANIMALS WERE HURT IN THE PROCESS OF THIS VIDEO (IF YOU DON'T INCLUDE GAL )."

Two toads were shoved together.

" TOAD-A-LLY DATING !'

An owl and with a lawn ordament owl .

"HOOT DO YOU LOVE?"

Abel gently placing several squirrels on Gal just for them to attack her viciously .

"TOGETHER FUR-EVER !"

Results !

" And the test results read…Dipper , you may be cold and shy when it comes to affection -"

" Don't say my name and shy in the same sentence."

" But when push comes to shove , you'll do anything for your lover . A strong person who puts you in your place when need be and doesn't give up on the relationship is an ideal mate for you ! Your dating score is ... let's just say it's low ."

QUESTIONABLE

" Gal . You are absolutely perfect in every way . Your perfect mate is a stylish brunette who-'

" It doesn't say that !"

AN ANGLE SENT TO LIGHT UP MY LIFE

" Moving on ! Pacific , you can be hot-headed and stubborn beyond reason, but your loyalty and willingness to make your mate happy makes you worth it ! You can put your partner in their place if necessary . Your score is around the third quartile .

DATABLE

Will , Suse ." He squinted at his paper . " You both got perfect scores !"

TOTAL HUNKS!

" Yes !" Suse pumped her fist . " What my abuelo said was true ! We're love gods , dude !" Suse gave Will a high five .

Will blushed." Would you look at that."

FINAL THOUGHTS

" Love is all around us , and if it seems you two aren't the right fit … force it !" He slammed his fist on the table. " See you next time -Oh no , the squirrels are back ! Gal , save me ! Ahhh!-"

Static

Man , I haven't wanted to work lately . I just wanted to walk outside, but with an end to this awesome weather streak I may actually get some work done . This is definitely not the end to these shorts , you can expect plenty from here on . Please review , and thanks for the support!