AN: Thank you especially to 'Sassyluv' and 'cat130', who have been my most loyal reviewers. Thanks, you guys! And it' s because of 'instagramrohan's' nagging ;-) , that I posted this chapter much earlier, than I intended too.
I don't own Harry Potter and don't make any profit.
It was the first morning after the holidays and Severus was the first one at breakfast, committed in reading a potions journal, when the first students arrived. The young Ravenclaws stopped dead when realising the house tables had been replaced by a lot of round tables for eight people. Severus who was secretly watching them had to grin. He hadn't announced that he had replaced the house tables.
Not even the teachers knew, so Filius who had just arrived patted Severus on the shoulder and mumbled, "Good job."
"Wait, it gets better," Severus chuckled. The two students sat down at a table and the door to the Hall opened and three other Ravenclaw students came in. Severus face lit up, watching how they approached the table with their housemates.
He hid behind his potions journal and whispered, "Tell me what's happening Filius."
"Well it seems they can't sit down at the same table."
Severus looked over the rim of his journal, just in time to witness a chair tilting to the side, so one of the students slid off.
"Sneaky," Filius commented.
"Well something had to change. This house rivalry doesn't do anybody any good."
"I quite agree. So what's the deal? Only two students of each house can sit at one table at the same time?"
"Exactly! I wonder how long it takes them to find out," Severus chuckled.
"You do enjoy this little game of yours, don't you?" Filius grinned at his colleague.
"I really do," the headmaster said, a smile tucking at his lips.
"Severus may I say something, without you becoming … um … well … all Severus," Filius asked while both of them watched the students struggle with the new seating arrangements.
"Please go on," Severus said amused by watching another student – Gryffindor this time – slide off a chair.
"You seem so relaxed nowadays, almost happy I would say."
Severus turned to Filius his face serious once again, "I am, Filius. I really am. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, after Tom Riddle died. And I found a family. What more is there in life?"
"Good for you," Filius said and turned his attention back to the students.
After ten minutes it seemed that everybody had arrived and the noise was a tad louder than usual, since everybody was discussing the new arrangements. The teachers without exception congratulated Severus and even most of the students seemed to be fine. Just Slytherin House seem to struggle a bit with this new task. About half of the Slytherins were standing along the walls, watching with disgust how the others seem to arranged themselves with the new situation, some even seeming to enjoy it.
Severus gracefully rose from his chair and the hall suddenly fell silent.
"As you have all noticed by now, I have made a few new seating arrangements, which will allow you to only sit with one other student of your own house. For those of you, who are not happy with the new situation please be informed, that the house-elves are instructed to not hand out any food to students, except at meal times in the Great Hall. And before you all come up with the clever idea to have yourself sent food parcels from home, just be informed that I put up a ward so that no owl with a food parcel will be able to deliver it. The next Hogsmeade weekend is not for another five weeks. So it's either food in the Great Hall or no food at all. It's your choice," Severus said smoothly and sat down again.
A couple of Slytherins sat down, but one of the older ones said loudly, "There is no way I'm sitting next to a mudblood."
"Fifty points from Slytherin for a language I can no longer tolerate at this school, Mister Dunn."
The addressed student turned around and left with a couple of his friends, not before one of them said, "Who made him headmaster? He was way cooler, when he was headmaster last time."
"That's another twenty-five points for insulting the headmaster," Filius said and Severus added, "and another twenty-five points for glorifying war times."
After the Slytherins left, Severus said, "Let me just remind me of the discussion group 'Talk with the headmaster', which will take place tonight at seven o'clock for the first time. I know the name is rather dull, but if you've got something to say to me, please be my guest."
Severus took a deep breath and opened the door to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, where earlier he had set up a couple of sofas and comfy arm chairs, instead of the bleak classroom furniture. He quickly scanned the classroom and had to admit his relief but also his disappointment, about no Slytherins attending the group tonight. He was relieved on the one hand because there wouldn't be as much trouble without any students of his own house there, but he was also disappointed, because he knew Slytherin house still had to go a long way to heal from the war and today would have been a good opportunity for some of the students to start this process. He looked around the room.
There was a seventh year Hufflepuff wallflower, whose name he couldn't quite remember. Three boys sitting huddled together on one settee, staring at him with wide eyes. All three of them were first years, two of them Gryffindors, one of them Hufflepuff. There was one Ravenclaw boy from fifth year and a sixth year Gryffindor girl. Severus swallowed down his nervousness, cause actually he wasn't sure what he was doing here. He just knew, he wanted to give students an opportunity to talk about the war. But he didn't want to call it a support group for from war traumatised students. But that was his actual goal for this group, so he had to stir the conversation into this direction and he hoped with time more students that needed support, would attend.
Severus who wore a pair of jeans and a black button down shirt instead of his teacher's robes, sat down in an armchair.
"Good evening! I hope you all enjoyed dinner and have come to terms with the new arrangements. I initiated this discussion group, so you can ask questions, raise your concerns and voice your complaints. But I have to ask you one thing, confidential things discussed in this group will have to stay in this group. You have to give me your word on it."
They all nodded.
After an introduction of participants, Severus asked, "So who wants to start? What did you want to talk about tonight?"
Matthew, the Ravenclaw student raised his hand and when the headmaster nodded at him encouragingly, he said, "Professor Snape, Sir, I was wondering how likely is it for a group like the Death Eaters to come back or form anew and find themselves another vile leader?"
For a second Severus saw fear flicker in his eyes.
"Matthew I'm not gonna lie to you. There is always the possibility of evil rising again, but at the moment all the death eaters are locked away in Azkaban."
"But Sir, I'm not sure if it's true, but I heard that not everybody who supported Voldemort took the Dark Mark, so there is a chance that there are still people out there, who want bad things," the Gryffindor girl said.
"Yes Sarah, that's true. I guess you have to distinguish between two sorts of people, who supported Voldemort or even three. For one you have the tag-alongs, who are not really any danger by themselves. They need a leader, that's when they become dangerous. Because they never question anything they are told. Normally they are from lower classes and very simple in their thinking. And then you have supporters of Voldemort, which did support him with money and such sorts, but never ever would get their hands dirty. They are the most dangerous ones, because they are intelligent and with their money they can stir our society in any direction they want to. And then they are the actual Death Eaters, mainly pure-blood aristocrats, whose intelligence unfortunately is not much higher than the badly educated lower classes, but who are very well trained in the dark arts. But at the moment I think you don't have anything to fear."
"What about Mulciber," Matthew asked, "he is gonna be released soon."
Severus features darkened, "I know and he is gonna seek revenge, that's for sure. But you and your families aren't in any danger. It's mainly Professor Granger, Mister Rowle, Mister Bell, myself and I'm afraid to say my daughter, who are in danger as soon as he is released."
"He wouldn't do anything to a toddler, would he," Sarah asked terrified.
"I'm afraid he would, Sarah. He is the son of a very ruthless Death Eater and he would do everything to get back at me, he wouldn't stop at a toddler. I guess you heard, that in the war, Death Eaters did horrible things to whole families, including toddlers and babies," Severus replied gravely.
Sarah nodded and tears started running down her face and she hung her head low. Severus slowly walked over to her and kneeled in front of her. She lifted her head and looked at him.
"Listen to me Sarah. The war is over and you are safe here at Hogwarts. Nobody is going to hurt you. And you are quite good at Defence. I can see it every week. Keep that work up and keep up with the news. If you are always up to date with what's happening in our society, you will be prepared."
"I'm still scared. Very often I've got nightmares," Sarah whispered.
"May I ask did anything in particular happen to you or your family during the war?"
"Well during the holidays Death Eaters came to our house and threatened my family and me … My m-mum is a squib and that's why they came and threatened us. They hit my little sister because she was brave enough to stand in front of our mother to protect her … b-but th-then they were summoned by Voldemort and fortunately had to leave us and we had to flee and went into hiding to France."
Severus sighed, "I'm sorry to hear that Sarah? How is your sister now?"
"She is fine," Sarah gave him a little smile, "She is a fighter and we are now living in France. Somehow it's easier there."
"Why did you come back?"
"I love it here. It's my home country and that's where I belong. And I know that sounds stupid, but I want to help to make our society a better one, for my mother's sake. I was too scared to protect her back then, but now I want to change something."
"You don't have to be ashamed, that you were too scared to stand in front of your mother. Death Eaters are very scary and vile people. And I don't want to think about what they would have done to you, if you had protected your mother. Maybe it was better they only hit your little sister," Severus said underlining the word 'only' with air quotes.
"Sometimes it helps to talk about the nightmares with somebody. You can always talk to me or Professor Granger or some of the other teachers, I know most of them are having nightmares…"
"You have nightmares?" Sarah softly cut across him.
"I do," Severus reassured her. He got up and turned around to the other students.
"Who of you has nightmares about the war?"
Slowly all of them raised their hand.
"See. You are not the only one. I can assure all of you, that it helps to confide in a friend."
"Thank you, sir. Talking about it now, helps me," Sarah whispered.
Severus smiled at her and turned his attention to the three youngest in the room. "So gentlemen, what brought you here this evening," Severus asked softly, sensing they were quite insecure, about being here.
"My dad, told me you were a hero," the smallest one of them said.
"Oh," Severus just said.
"He always talked highly of you, even after you had to kill Dumbledore, he always said 'I'm not sure if he really is as bad. I think there is more to it, than meets the eye'. And so I came to see, if I can learn something from you."
"Why would you want to learn from me, why not your father," Severus asked curiously.
"My father is dead," the boy replied sternly.
"What happened, Joseph," Severus asked, dreading the answer already.
"He was killed, shortly after the battle. Two Death Eaters came to our house and killed my father and tortured my mother." Severus pinched the bridge of his nose.
"How is your mother?"
"She is fine, Sir. She fought like a lioness and somehow managed to drive them out of the house in the end, but unfortunately it was too late for my father," he said in a very conversational way, which broke Severus' heart even more, than the story itself. As he realised, that some of the younger students had been growing up with a constant threat and in very dark times. So it obviously became normal to them, too normal in his opinion, since they were talking about it so easily.
"So do you think you might learn something from me," he asked.
"I think I already did. Is this group gonna meet on a regular basis? Are we always allowed to come?" The boy asked hopefully.
"Yes, I thought about once a week and you are always allowed to come if you wish. And you two, what's the story with you and the war," Severus asked the two other first years.
"We were on the run for half a year, since my parents are muggles and my aunt, who is a witch, advised my parents to do so. We were caught by snatchers once, but I did accidental magic, because I was so scared and we could escape."
Severus gave him a sad smile, "See how fear can sometimes be a good thing, Martin."
"I guess you are right, Sir."
"What about you Alan?"
"My older brother was killed a couple of months before the final battle, because he came in the way of some of Voldemort's followers."
"I'm sorry to hear all your stories," Severus said.
"Why did you come here tonight," Severus turned to the girl whose name he couldn't remember.
"I hate you," she said in such a low voice Severus didn't understand it, but suddenly realised the hate in her eyes.
"Excuse me," he said.
The girl rose from her chair and pointed her wand at Severus and said a tad louder, "I hate you."
"Put your wand down, Miss …"
"You ruined my brother's and my life and you don't even remember my name," she hissed and sent a hex at Severus, which he easily blocked and then quickly disarmed her.
She ran towards him bereft of her wand and started pestering his chest with her fists, while sobbing violently. By instinct Severus pulled her close to his body and held her tight to him, so she was hardly able to move anymore. But she wept bitterly into his chest and when Severus felt she didn't fight him anymore, he started to rub soothing circles on her back.
"Shh, Shh," he mumbled, while the other students looked at him with wide fearful eyes. After a couple of minutes her crying subsided and he ushered her to one of the settees and sat down next to her.
"Tell me what happened," Severus asked quietly.
"The Carrows tortured my little brother, he was only a first year then and they forced me to watch and you were standing next to it and didn't do anything. You were the headmaster of this school and you were on our side all the time and you just let it happen. WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING?"
And suddenly it all came back to him. It had been an extremely bad day. The Carrows had been in a particular foul mood, since Voldemort had punished them severely the day before. Severus had to send students up to the hospital wing nearly every hour. And he had to find excuses why they shouldn't torture the one or the other student and slowly they were getting suspicious.
In the evening Severus was tired and desperate for a friendly shoulder to lean on. He was about to call it a night and retreat to his rooms, when he witnessed what he long ago had locked away in his mind and therefore had forgotten about it. Amycus had Aurora Forsythe a third year Hufflepuff pinned to the wall and forced her to watch her brother Alexander, who was a first year at that time, being tortured mercilessly by Alecto. Severus knew at that time, there was no way he could interfere this time, without his cover being blown and so he stood there watching. It was unbearable to watch and hear the agonising screams of the boy mingled with the sobbing of his older sister.
Suddenly he realised, what the screams and sobbing were, he so often had heard in his nightmares over the last couple of years. Apparently his mind had blocked this memory and Aurora's outburst made it all come back. In the end Minerva saved the siblings by turning around the corner. The look she gave Severus was somewhere between disgusted, murderous and disappointed and he couldn't even blame her. He felt dirty and ashamed of himself.
Now it just dawned at him, that he hadn't seen the boy around.
"How is Alexander doing, Aurora?" Severus asked with worry written all over his face.
"The Cruciatus curse damaged his spinal cord irreversibly…" Severus gasped. "… he is in a wheelchair now, my parents have split up because of it all and my mother won't let him come back to school because she is too scared. But I think it would do him good to be with children his age. How could you let that happen? I thought you were on our side?"
Severus ran his hands through his hair, leaving it all messy, before he answered, choosing his words carefully, "Listen to me. I was always on your side and since all of you shared some pretty private stuff today and I know how difficult this can be, I want to be open to you and tell you about how it was for me being Headmaster. I know, it won't help your brother in any way, but maybe it's easier to understand my actions."
And so he told them about his year as headmaster, when everybody thought he had gone to the dark side. How he had to kill his mentor and close friend and how he felt devastated afterwards and had absolutely no one to go to. How he had to keep his students safe and more than one time failed, because otherwise it would have blown his cover.
It was half an hour later, when he finished his story and tears were pouring down Aurora's face again and she was shivering violently. The others were sitting there in silence, stunned by the openness of the Headmaster and realising, how private of a story that was and how personal they feelings were he just shared. Severus conjured a blanket and draped it over Aurora's shoulders, when there was a knock on the door.
"Come in," Severus said, thinking it would be Hermione, when actually Thorben entered the class room.
"Oh, sorry Sir. I didn't realise your discussion group was tonight. I will talk to you tomorrow Headmaster," Thorben apologised and was about to leave again.
"Please wait. I could use your help."
"Certainly Sir."
"So I think it was a good evening. Good but intense. So I have to ask you, if you go back to your common rooms now, go and find your friends don't spend the rest of the evening alone. It wouldn't do you any good. If you want, we'll see each other next week, otherwise I'll see you in class. If any problems or questions should arise following this group, please don't hesitate to contact me. I mean it," he insisted.
"And for you Miss Forsythe. You are spending the night at the hospital wing. You need to calm down and need a good night's rest. Mister Rowle is going to accompany you there, while I will contact your head of house. Is that okay for now? And I will think about how I can help you and your brother, it is after all my fault you and your brother are in the position you are in now."
"Not quite true. You weren't the one who tortured my brother and forced me to watch."
"I don't deserve your kindness. I didn't stop them after all," he said gravely.
"Please Mister Rowle, take Miss Forsythe up to the hospital wing and wait with her until I'm back with Professor Sprout."
"Come on Miss Forsythe."
"Call me Aurora," she said with a shaky voice.
"My friends call me Ben," he answered with a crooked smile and ushered her to the door. Severus had to chuckle at this sweet approach of two students, who normally wouldn't even look at each other. With a flick of his wand he restored the classroom for its normal purpose and sighing made his way to find Pomona.
Two hours later he entered his quarters with a pounding headache. When he had found Pomona he had talked with her and Aurora a little bit more to make sure she was alright. After which he didn't confide in a friend, like he told his students to, but went to the library pretending to read a book for an hour.
It was dark and quiet in their quarters, so Hermione had already gone to bed. Severus entered the bedroom and without lightning a candle quietly undressed and slipped under the covers.
Hermione who was just about to fall asleep mumbled, "How was it?"
Since there was no answer she reached over and her hand found something wet. Confused she gathered her wand from the nightstand and mumbled, "Lumos."
She looked into Severus' tearstained face.
"Can you maybe hold me," he whispered.
She nodded, whispered, "Nox," and gathered him in her arms.