1.
The next morning Lae'zel stands atop the battlements with Wyll, sharing her spyglass, surveying everything surrounding the fortress. They say the place is like a maze of rising and falling pathways, strange mushrooms of all sorts sprouting up everywhere making it difficult to tell where the branching pathways ultimately lead. Unsure of where to even start, the route is left up to chance. Astarion flips a coin and Karlach calls it; the way you go will be down and to the right.
Whilst that was happening Halsin finishes up cooking and shouts for everyone to come get it. You eat quickly, begging Halsin for an extra serving, you need it after last night, but don't mention that to him. He happily scoops a little more for you, probably now in the habit of making too much rather than not enough with you and Karlach ravenously scarfing down everything he makes. Once the food is cleared away everyone gets to packing up; there's less to be carried now so, Halsin no longer needs to go in his wild shape. And since this place is such a mystery it's decided that the pets will be leashed to Halsin for now, he seems happy to take charge of the furry ones, that big easy smile of his lighting up his face.
With everyone gathered at the portcullis, Gale zaps the moonstone, shattering it and its magical barrier, allowing the group to set off. You follow behind Wyll and Lae'zel as they lead the way winding down the path. The air beyond the ruins is dank and strangely sweet, with strange spores hanging in the air. You look at all the mushrooms as you pass; there's so many different kinds, Halsin and Gale point out a few, mostly the ones that will kill you, and of course those are the ones that block the way forward. Astarion nudges you, suggesting you practice shooting a bow at these mushrooms, clear them away for everyone. You grumble, you're terrible with the bow, but this should be easy, it's not like mushrooms move. It takes you three arrows; the first was way too short, the second too far to the right, the third finally hits. It's an impressive explosion that spreads to the others around it setting off the rest of the bibberbang and timmask.
As the smoke and spores begin to dissipate there's a strange looking person seen standing on the other side of the clearing. They are odd looking, humanoid but misshapen… like it's a fungus that's sprouted arms and legs. You open your mouth to say something when a voice enters your mind. Not like the annoyance of the guardian or the overbearance of the Absolute, but something altogether new to you, more like a song. You look around and see that everyone seems to be hearing it too, this voice, calling itself Sovereign, says to come to it. Wyll and Gale speak together then ask everyone what they want to do. Since no one knows where you need to go in order to find Moonrise everyone just sort of agrees to go talk to this Sovereign, they might know something, and it's better than wandering aimlessly down here forever. So, you follow the mushroom man up a stair made of mushrooms and go deeper into the mushroom village.
You slowly follow everyone in. Gale, having suddenly rushed to the front with Halsin, is eagerly talking with him about these people being Myconids. Something they had obviously heard about before, but you don't remember Ana ever saying anything about them; granted she never spoke much about the Underdark. You don't really listen to them, you're too busy looking at all of the different kinds wandering around when you spot somethings that are out of place here; a hobgoblin wearing nice robes and a Dwarven woman minding what you assume to be a shop. You're tempted to go look but everyone goes up more mushroom stairs and that's where this Sovereign is. It's a much larger version of the others walking around the village. It is hunched over a body spreading spores, when it looks up and sees everyone, its voice, its song comes back into everyone's minds.
The Sovereign asks for help avenging its slain children, there's been fights between the Myconids and Duergar. The others in your group begin to ask questions and you begin to lose interest, your mind goes back to wondering what that Dwarf is selling. You walk over to the edge of the gigantic fungus you're standing on and look over in her direction. You can't tell from up here… Astarion's hand on your shoulder surprises you.
"Why do you always sneak up on me?"
"Why are you never paying attention to your surroundings?" You stick out your tongue as he chuckles, "Gale and Halsin want to look around for a bit, but we got what we needed."
"Ooo! Can I go look at the shop I think that Dwarf has?"
"Yes, come on." He gives you an indulgent smile and takes your hand to help you down the squishy steps.
Seems everyone else will be joining you at the shop, they have little interest in this place. You speak with the woman, seeing what she has; it isn't much. Instead, she keeps harping on about her missing useless husband who was supposed to bring back some fancy mushroom. You try to be polite and say you and your companions will keep an eye out for him. You're positive if something down here hasn't eaten him then he's been done in by the fungi of this place. She's not even grateful, telling you not to expect a reward if you do find him. You've had enough of this woman; you trudge back over to where the rest are standing about waiting for Gale and Halsin to be done here.
Gale and Halsin finally return and tell of the fascinating way these creatures live; apparently, they're a hive mind, and they use spores on dead bodies to make more Myconids. Lovely. And there's a mind flayer down here that's living freely without too much trouble; he's here with the hobgoblin, doing research of some sort. Lae'zel instantly wishes to leave if she's not allowed to kill said mind flayer. You don't exactly want to kill it, but you do want to get away from it, so everyone heads out, further into the depths.
The path continues to wind up and down as you make your way towards the lake where the Sovereign said to find the Duergar. It seems a long way off to you, but you're enjoying the strange tree that's come into view. It's huge, with gnarled roots big enough to be walked on like a road, its leaves glow and shimmer with a gentle blue hue and its flowers… They're magnificent but they make you feel strange. Gale warns you to stay away, it's a Sussur Tree, and its flowers drain magic. You're horrified at the idea of not being able to call upon your magic, so you walk away from the bloom. But it is still a beautiful tree, everyone looks up at it in awe. Halsin suggests that this may be the perfect place to have a small midday meal and a short rest. He pats the little cub; insinuating that maybe your furry babies need the break more than any of you.
Packs are opened and spots under the tree are chosen as everyone sits to enjoy a meal in this serene spot. Well, not Astarion. He sits behind you, fiddling with the end of your braid while the two of you chat. His face, close to yours as you nibble food, his laughter tickling your cheek and neck, your bodies easily leaning into each other; this would be a perfect moment, were it not for everything else.
"Do you think the others would mind if I had a little nibble?" His lips brush against the skin below your ear making you gasp, his body pushing up against you, his legs closing on yours.
"Maybe, if you were biting my neck and I started to-" He cuts you off as you start to squirm.
"Started to what? Hmm?" You just know he has that wolfish grin spread over his lips as he parts them, his fangs pressing lightly into your skin, your dark need for him rising.
"My wrist?" You can barely form words, as you hold it up to him, your desire for him driving you to distraction.
He pulls away from your neck, his hand slowly sliding up your arm to your wrist, turning it so your veins face you. You furrow your brow, wondering what he's playing at. His eyes lock onto yours. He moves to sit next to you, never breaking eye contact as he tilts his head, opens his mouth over your wrist and lets you watch him bite you. You've never watched him do it before. Never seen his fangs press down, your skin resisting before he finally pierces it, the touch of blood that wells up before he closes his lips and sucks on you. Oh, this is so much worse than if he was at your neck. You chew your lip, squeezing your legs tightly together, desperate for the heat building in you to subside. And all the while his fierce gaze takes in every move you make, every sound you stifle as you watch him drinking you.
It only lasts a moment or two, but you know you must look something like the desperate wanton woman you are for him, because his next move is to kiss you quickly and stand up,
"Thank you. That was all I needed." He looks around briefly, "Do try to get that look off your face before we head out." That roguish smirk doesn't help. He knows what he does to you, and he enjoys it.
You try to calm yourself, erasing his bite mark, breathing deeply. This dark need you have for him only seems to grow stronger the longer you're with him, becoming almost unbearable. There's a growing need for you to be his; his to command, his to control. You keep breathing slowly, closing your eyes. No, not closing your eyes, your mind only brings up memories of him touching you… No, you focus on the distance and breathe deeply. In and out… But there's something moving back there… Something big.
Scratch barks, growling, howling at whatever that is, the cub cowering behind him. Astarion is back at your side, bow in hand as everyone stands ready. You hear maniacal laughter coming from above where that creature is lurking. You look to see a Drow man in tattered robes, you point him out to Astarion who draws his bow, but that thing in the distance has started to charge. He looses the arrow as you see a bear racing passed, flanked by Karlach and Lae'zel. Shadowheart runs towards where Astarion was shooting, Gale joins you, and then you hear Wyll shouting. There's more of those monsters coming from up in the tree.
One of them jumps down beside Gale. He tries to cast some magic, but that thing has knocked one of the flowers down with it, draining you and Gale instantly. You have no choice, you swing your sword at the beast, catching its deformed wing, feeling the crunch of its bones on impact. It screeches something awful as it rears back, running away from you, but now there's two more jumping down from the branches. You grab Gale and run as Astarion covers you, having tossed away his bow and drawn daggers. You don't run for long before you can feel your magic returning, which means Gale's has, too. He fires away at the creatures that have begun to surround Astarion, Wyll rushing in to help, managing to throw the flower away. You're unable to see who's hurt, you run into the fray, shield at the ready as Halsin, Lae'zel and Karlach come running to your skirmish. With everyone but Shadowheart close you're able to cast healing on the whole of your group as the last of the monsters are slain.
And then there's silence… It's over. Shadowheart climbs down joining you all, looking no worse for wear. Someone, you don't know who, starts to laugh, and soon everyone joins in. Karlach, between cackles of laughter, points out that this was a crap way to end a lovely picnic. But with the tension from the surprise battle now gone there's nothing left to do but finish packing up and continuing on your merry way.
Karlach and Wyll take point as you follow with the others, Gale and Halsin chatting about what manner of fauna those things were. You don't care what they were, they were horrible, and you hope to never run into their like again. But as you continue walking you think on it more; those creatures were the first bit of wildlife that you've spotted so far, and now you worry about what Astarion will eat tonight. You look over at his smiling face as he talks with Wyll. It's fine. He'll find something.
The path becomes steeper as it leads you down to an inky black lake, a rotting husk of a village left abandoned on its shore. Scratch stops, a low growl rumbling his chest that makes everyone stop. There must be trouble up ahead. Everyone drops their packs, Halsin hands you the leads for Scratch and the cub before he hurries to catch up to the others as they descend onto the shore. You can hear someone shouting at your companions, venturing a little closer to see if you can tell what's happening.
There's a Duergar yelling down at everyone from a wooden walkway above the beach. Astarion steps forward to do the talking, it's hard to hear but it sounds like he mentions Moonrise… a missing slave… and… boots? He wants you all to look for boots? You can hear Astarion laughing at the idea, angering the Duergar, who then calls for his cronies to attack. Their mistake, everyone had gone down there expecting a fight, so it's a short one. You watch closely, just in case you're needed, but it's over so quickly you'd hardly even call it a fight.
Everyone comes back to where you stand to get their things. Lae'zel mentions it's close to dinner time, so camp will be set here on the beach. As everyone gets things settled Lae'zel and Wyll mention the boat over at the dilapidated dock. It belonged to the dead Duergar; you'll be needing it to get where he said the other True Soul is. Looks like you'll be able to get to Moonrise from there too. Finally, you'll be one step closer to being rid of this parasite and getting back home.
You sit hunched over chopping vegetables for Halsin, you offered to help him cook tonight, so this is your task while he sits by the fire browning meat for a simple soup. Shadowheart and Gale have been sent to fetch water from the lake and to make sure it's safe, it is. They sit with you watching dinner being made, patting Scratch and the cub. Astarion waves, saying he's off to find his dinner. You wish him good hunting, quietly praying he doesn't run into more of those monsters from earlier. Lae'zel, Karlach and Wyll walk the perimeter, making sure things are safe, quibbling about maybe having a watch tonight since this place is known to other Duergar and they may come looking for their friends.
You call out that dinner is ready, and everyone gathers round the fire. Astarion lounges next to you while you scarf down a bowl with a hunk of stale bread. Apparently, he found another creature down here to eat, said it reminded him of a bear, and that he is very full. You notice he seems almost drunk, slurring some words while others are drawn out. It's cute watching him banter playfully with Wyll and Karlach. You finish up and offer to help clean while Astarion lays there unhelpfully, Wyll speaking up reminding everyone that watch rounds still need to be chosen.
You get third watch with Gale, and Halsin. Astarion got first with Shadowheart and Karlach. You're tempted to ask Gale to switch with Astarion but think better of it; you'd be too distracted to actually keep watch. Lae'zel announces that it's bedtime, as though you were all children that needed tucking in. You roll your eyes before getting a quick kiss goodnight then heading into your shared tent to curl up on your shared bedroll.
2.
Third watch goes by uneventfully. Gale was a delight regaling you with stories of his time with Mystra. Poor Shadowheart though; how's a mere mortal supposed to compete with a goddess? But he gets tired of hearing his own voice, so you go over to Halsin. He's already fussing at the fire, readying to make breakfast. Since he's doing that, you decide to help again, you've been enjoying watching the magic up close. You still don't know his secret, but you don't care so long as he keeps feeding you.
Camp awakens to the smell of bacon. The large skillet has chunks of bacon with potatoes and onions frying in the grease, they're served alongside the last of the fresh apples. Everyone digs in and enjoys their breakfast, even though there isn't enough for you and Karlach to have seconds. Halsin laments that the food is getting low, all that's left is dried fruit, stale bread and sausages; this may be the last decent meal for a while.
You stand anxiously on the dock staring down into the black fathoms of the lake. Everyone is hurriedly loading everything onto it while you just stand there clutching your pack. Shadowheart nudges you, spooking you back to the flurry of everyone readying to depart,
"You, OK?" She looks into your face, confusion in her eyes.
"Yeah… Just, never been on a boat before." You try to hide just how nervous you are.
"You'll be fine." She smiles confidently.
"You ever been on one?" You squeeze your pack tighter.
"I don't know. Maybe? Probably." She nods her head then walks up the gangplank.
"We better be fine. I don't want to have to swim back if it all goes to shit." Your lip curls as you look down at the water while walking up behind her.
Wyll takes charge once aboard, he being the only one with some experience back in his teenage years. The boat embarks, moving slowly towards the lights faintly seen on the other side of the lake.
While out on the water you're approached by another boat, filled with Duergar. They pull up next to yours, questioning why you have their friend's rig. Astarion handles talking to him, convincing him that you found this boat along with several dead Duergar, must be the friend he's speaking of. The lie is believed, but he insists on accompanying you all to the fortress, to the other True Soul, for that's clearly why you're all down here.
You sail on in almost complete silence, no one really wanting to speak around this stranger, even Scratch and the cub avoid being near him. As the light gets closer you can see that it is an enormous fortress. Shadowheart looks up at everything intensely, pointing out the beautifully carved statues of Shar. This must be a Sharran fortress, or outpost or something. She's never seen anything this grand dedicated to her dark goddess before. You look up at the passing architecture and statues, taking in the elegance and style of the place; Shar has some opulent, refined taste, and you like it.
The moment the boat docks your group is accosted by an angry Duergar woman. She's demanding that you pay up for some idiot True Soul called Nere. You're about to tell her exactly where she can shove it when Shadowheart pushes you right along onto the docks while Astarion once again handles the talking. She pulls you off to the side to wait for everyone else to finish unloading and get some more information. Good. You're glad someone else will handle all that. As though your first boat ride wasn't stressful enough, you have to deal with this weird cult nonsense.
Everyone piles up the stuff by where you're standing and waits with you for Astarion. He's learned that these Duergar are working with the Absolute cult from Moonrise, there's a True Soul here, Nere, who has been trapped in a cave in and where he's trapped is filling with poisonous fumes. The woman who he spoke with wants the money Nere owed her people while their commander wants to rescue him because she's interested in staying on good terms with the cult. None of you really want to get involved, you just don't care about some random idiot. Astarion suggests simply leaving him to succumb to his own stupidity while you all move on to Moonrise.
You split up into a few groups. Halsin, Wyll and Karlach go to find a place to set up camp, the day is already half gone. Astarion and Lae'zel go on to get more information out of as many of these people as possible while you, Shadowheart and Gale go on to explore the fortress ruins. Your little trio turns away from the sounds of pickaxes on stone and heads towards more of the fortress. As you walk you hear one of the Duergar talking about how interesting these ruins are, catching Shadowheart and Gale's attention. He's all smiles and pleasantries as he goes into explaining that he's far more interested in the history of this place than anything else. Gale excitedly invites him to walk with you as you explore, his insights being of great interest to him and Shadowheart, no doubt.
You look over at her as the two men pull away to walk ahead chattering away at each other. She lightly rolls her eyes and smiles, you know she wants to hear more about this place, but clearly Gale wanted to hear about it more. The two of you walk side by side following behind the boys,
"Just look at this place. It's amazing."
"I would have to agree. Who knew your goddess had such a penchant for decor?"
"Excuse me?"
"I mean it! I can only imagine how gorgeous it was before it was abandoned."
"True… Hey, what's that?" She points to a heap of old bones in armor. She crouches down to get a better look, whispering, "Dark Justiciar armor? Could…?"
"What's that?"
"Dark Justiciar armor! Oh, how I've wanted to be one for as long as I can remember. For as long as I've served Shar I've wanted to show my devotion by becoming one."
"Wow! Really? Have you started your training?"
"No. The Mother Superior forbids me…"
"What?! Why?"
"I honestly don't know… But this is a sign, surely…" She picks up the breastplate, brushing the dust from it, looking at it with such reverence.
As she stands there with it clutched in her hands you suggest she keep it, it might even fit her. She smiles brightly at the idea and tucks it under her arm as you try to catch up to the wayward boys. They've moved on to gossiping about a hidden forge somewhere in here, but no one has ever found it… Sounds like the ghost stories you'd tell as a child. But as Shadowheart's prize is a bit unwieldy to carry you decide to head back to camp.
Your return is marked by the raised voices of the others arguing, save for Halsin, who rushes over to your returning party. He tells of the trouble the argument is about, slaves. Astarion and Lae'zel are unbothered by there being slaves here, but Karlach and Wyll wish to free them. You don't condone slavery but you're not about to start trouble over it. Your little trio walks over to put in your two cents; Gale joins Wyll and Karlach in wishing to free them while Shadowheart joins you in suggesting leaving the matter be. This is the Underdark, not Baldur's Gate, slavery is practiced here, best move on. But your opinions fall on deaf ears.
You walk away to let them figure it all out and just tell you later. You join Halsin and the pets by the fire, letting your fingers digging into fluff and feathers distract you. Halsin talks to you about this crazy adventure so far while you wait for the others to finish their argument. They eventually do and now there's battle plans. Of course, there's going to be another fight for you to sit there like a useless lump on a log until someone gets hurt, then you can do the only thing you're good for…
Instead, you're going to do the only other thing you're good for, inciting desire and being distracting. You go into your tent to change while Astarion tells you of the plan, his eyes roaming over your body as he speaks, making you wish you could be doing other things… He has convinced the faction of Duergar who just want to get paid to betray the cult faction; they've been promised the loot from their dead companions and claim to whatever treasures they can find in the ruins, but they must free the slaves and your group will lay claim to Nere's body. When you ask why you're told that Nere carries a lantern that's needed to get into Moonrise or something. As for your part in the plan you will play the flirt and distract the cult Duergar, ply them with drinks that Astarion and one of the slaves will poison, should be easy enough.
It is more than easy. Loose flowing hair, a tunic dress left unlaced at the front, rolled up and tied to be even shorter and holding up several steins of foul ale is all it took for them to welcome you to sit with them. You perch on the edge of a table in front of them, letting them catch glimpses as you shift to sit comfortably, lean over to wipe foam from a beard or two, offering to dance should one of them be able to play music or even sing. One of them can sing, shame, she has a lovely voice. You stand atop the table and put on a show as more ale is poured and more Duergar join the festivities.
You're unsure how long the charade goes on, but soon the revelers begin to get sick, unaware that it is poison souring their bellies. You use the opportunity to slip away to where your camp is set up, joining the others in preparing for battle. You don't bother with your padded tunic, simply throwing your chainmail over your dress, quickly braiding your wild hair, and grabbing your sword and shield. You needn't have bothered getting ready; it's a pathetic fight. Half of the cult group have been laid out by the poison and the other half were too outnumbered to put up much of a fight. You stand there and watch the slaughter, the Duergar who've sided with you being particularly brutal to their one-time comrades.
You're brought injured slaves and fighters to heal up while your companions speak with them. The slaves, Deep Gnomes all of them, are profusely thankful, but lament the loss of those still trapped in the cave in. Karlach wishes to rescue them as well, but it's unknown whether they even still live. You think they're all dead by now and that it'd be a waste of effort, but you offer to go take a listen anyway. Who knows, maybe you'll hear something.
You don't so much hear anything as your mind is forcefully connected to by Nere, who is, unfortunately, still alive. He tries to command you, a fellow True Soul, to free him. You can see through his eyes; he's in a hazy green mist, trapped under some of the rubble, surrounded by the tiny bodies of his slaves, his strangled breathing letting you know he's not long for this plane, his mind now screaming out his demands. You can't help laughing as you listen to this petulant man, he's certainly not the one to be ordering you around. Your gaze moves to Astarion as he stands talking with Gale and the Duergar, his eyes catching yours; you smile before announcing Nere's demise. The remaining slaves mourn their loss before leaving on the boats of the dead Duergar and your companions get to retrieving the body.
3.
You stand there holding a broken ornate lantern while your companions talk around you. You think about how at every turn, just when you have the hope of something working out, it doesn't. You want to throw the blasted thing back into the poison room and scream, instead you just stare blankly down at it. You feel someone nosing into your hair saying something, it takes you a moment to come back from your brooding,
"I'm sorry, I was miles away. What did you say?"
"We're going to stay the night down here then go up to Moonrise in the morning. We're not really sure what to expect up there." He starts to walk towards the camp, waiting for you to follow, "I managed to grab one of the Duergar at the end there and made a meal of him, so I won't need to hunt tonight. I'm not even sure if there's anything around here…"
"That was good thinking. It wasn't one of the ones we poisoned, was it? Don't need you being sick later." You nudge him gently.
"Oh, ha-ha. Aren't you funny?" He wraps an arm around your shoulders, "What do you think made this so special? It looks like an ordinary lantern, if not a little small," He pokes at the thing still in your hands.
"I don't know. There's dust at the bottom… and a strange mechanism, I was hoping Gale might have some clue. Seems like something he'd know more about."
You stroll into camp, to the amazing smell of the dinner Halsin has already made. He beams at everyone returning, going on about how he was able to replenish your food stocks; it's mostly different kinds of mushrooms. You settle down to eat while Astarion sits behind you, undoing your braid so he can run his fingers through your hair. Gale joins you, looking over the lantern, saying it looks like pixie dust at the bottom, but otherwise it's unlikely to work. As Gale goes on about the nature of the lantern Halsin grows quiet, reserved. He doesn't talk much for the rest of the evening. You wonder if it has to do with why he came with you all.
Lae'zel and Wyll deem camp safe enough to not warrant guard duty tonight, leaving you the whole of the night to be with him. The moment you finish eating Astarion is in your ear, whispering that it's time you both retired for the night, you move quickly to follow him to your tent. You're barely in before he grabs you, pulling you down onto him as you smile and giggle, wondering what's gotten into him,
"Can I help you?" You hold yourself over him, straddling his hips, your loose hair a curtain of crimson falling down one side of your face.
"Why, yes as a matter of fact you can." He gives you that hungry smile you love, "I may have had a full meal, but now I am feeling a bit peckish," His hand reaches up behind your head and grabs a fistful of hair, pulling you down to him, bringing your neck to his lips, "May I?" He asks, his fangs already piercing your skin.
"Why bother asking if you're not even going to wait for an answer?" You bask in the feeling of him sucking on you, his body rolling you both so he's over you before he breaks away.
"Because I already know the answer," He gives the smuggest of smirks.
You rub your thumb over his lips, smearing your blood before he licks it off. You look into his piercing eyes, losing yourself in them for a moment, thinking that maybe you should tell him about the darkness that lurks in you... That maybe he should know… He's revealed so much to you; his painful past of slavery and torture, his hopes for freedom and his fears of being taken again. He's been open and honest with you while you've kept this secret…
"Astarion, I need to tell you something." Your voice already sounds on the verge of shaking.
"I'm all pointy ears." His easy smile only makes this harder.
"Um… The thing is I… There's something about me that you should know. But I don't really know how to explain it without sounding crazy," Your stomach knots in on itself.
"What is it?" He leans up and away so he's sitting before you.
You sit up and bring your knees in close to you,
"For as long as I can remember there's been something… different about me. I've always been drawn to feeling pain… And is it's not just that I'm drawn to it, I enjoy it. I love it, even. Any kind, really… Though I do prefer physical," You giggle nervously, "And I crave more. Always, more. It's sort of like there's this bottomless void, an insatiable never-ending hunger…" You bow your head into your knees, your loose hair falling over the sides of your face, hiding you.
"I can understand an insatiable hunger," He smooths your hair behind your ear, giving you a gentle smile, his eyes look at you with concern.
"Heh… Yeah… I guess you would…" You let your eyes stay on his for a moment, "And I've learned to manage it. My joining the temple, The Chateau, is what helped me learn how. I was able to use the pleasure I got from my pain as part of my prayers. And every time I would feel Loviatar's blessing. But something's happened that's changed it." You can't quite tie together in words that the loss of Her blessings in prayer are now bestowed when you're with him. You want him to know it all from the very beginning, "From the first time I saw you at the masquerade I felt this pull towards you. This void in me no longer wanted my pain, but wanted me to be with you… Something about you…" You look down, unable to hold his gaze, "It yearns for you. And since we've been… like this… For the first time in my life, I don't feel the need to seek out pain. Instead, I… I just need you. I just need you to hurt me. It feels like that dark need in me wants you to... Um…"
It's not the right words, but the right ones never come to you. The silence stretches on into eternity, you clench your legs closer to you, your nails digging into your skin as you bury your face into your knees. The knot in your stomach threatens to churn into being sick. You're desperately trying to find a way to tell him that you feel Loviatar's grace whenever you're with him, whether he's hurting you or not. Her blessings are stronger when he does cause you pain, but it's so much more. It's like she wants you to be near him, always. You know he has no faith in the gods. In his centuries of torment, they never once answered his prayers. He would beseech every one he could name, and none gave him even a moment of respite or comfort. Your heart breaks for him, you cannot imagine your life without Her blessings. But this is different. You want him to know that this is real, your goddess does answer your prayers,
"I'm sorry, I'm not… I shou-" You don't finish, he interrupts you.
"Stop." He holds his hand up silencing you. His brow furrows in concentration. He's thinking about something but whatever it is he doesn't say, "I… I need to think…"
He stands up and stalks out into the darkness leaving you alone with your thoughts.