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After a while, there was a soft knock on the door of the infirmary. Charlie looked up, expecting it to be Coach Singh, but it was Nick. "Hey."
"Hey," Charlie said back, but his initial happiness to see him was quickly replaced by embarrassment and guilt. He'd been doing the wrong things all day. Nick must be so annoyed with him.
Nick came into the room, closing the door behind him. "Is your nose okay?"
"I don't know." He was still holding the tissue to it, although the throbbing pain had eased.
"Let me see." Nick sat down next to him, taking the tissue away and looking him over carefully. "It looks fine."
Charlie smiled. Nick couldn't be too mad about the day, not if he was here. "Cool."
"You've got some mud on your face, though."
Before Charlie could point out that both of them were covered in mud, Nick had reached for another tissue and was gently wiping mud off Charlie's cheek.
He couldn't remember when he'd felt more cared for. Or deserved it less.
Looking down at his hands, Charlie began, "Um, sorry …"
"What?"
"I'm really sorry for being all clingy and annoying. I'm making this so awkward. You wanted to keep us a secret and I'm messing it up."
Nick looked up at the ceiling as though Charlie was still being annoying, but when he dropped his head again so Charlie could see his face, he didn't seem annoyed. "I'm the one who should be saying sorry," he said. Charlie had no idea what Nick thought he had to be sorry about, and he never got to find out, because just then the door opened. Both of them jumped and turned to look.
Isaac stood there, frozen, staring back at them. Well, if he hadn't known before, he certainly did now, Charlie thought. They were sitting so close together, and no doubt both of them looked as startled as Charlie felt.
"Uh … sorry," Isaac said, stepping further into the room, "for, um … interrupting, but Ms. Singh asked me to give you some antiseptic wipes." He put them down and left the room, closing the door behind him.
Nick stood up. Charlie was terrified that he was going to just break things off right then and there, deciding this was all more trouble than it was worth, but all he said was, "Um … I'd better go."
"Okay." As Nick reached the door, Charlie called after him, "Isaac won't say anything."
"Yeah. Okay." And he was gone, leaving Charlie to wait there alone until Coach Singh came to get him, declaring that he'd be fine.
"That was a nice try at the tackle, Charlie. Anyone else, and you'd have taken him down." She hesitated. "I'm proud of you."
"Thanks." He wished he was proud of himself, but mostly he just felt worried that he had completely messed things up with Nick.
Tao and Elle and Isaac were waiting for him when he came out. Tao and Elle both seemed strange, but Charlie couldn't pay attention to them. He just wanted to get home and text Nick and apologise.
Which he did. A lot.
Until finally Nick texted back "It's okay. Really." "Can we talk tomorrow? Maybe after school?"
"yeah, of course"
But there was no 'of course' about it. Nick was going to break up with him. Charlie could feel it.
His phone pinged and he picked it up, his heart leaping, hoping it was Nick, but it was Tao. "Did today show you that hanging out with those rugby boys will only get you hurt?"
"it was just bad luck," Charlie texted back.
"You know what they did to me earlier this week? Just chucked a ball at my head."
That must have been Harry.
"Your friend Nick was right there with them."
"nick wouldn't do that"
"He's not the person you think he is, Charlie."
Frowning, Charlie shut his phone down. Tao just didn't understand the difference between Nick and the others.
Nick was very quiet in form the next day. All Charlie got from him was an agreement to meet in the park after school.
So he arrived there expecting the worst. "I'm so sorry," he said immediately on sight of Nick, not even stopping to pet Nellie, who whined and pawed at his pants leg. "I messed everything up and it's okay if you don't want to see me anymore because—"
"Wait, what?" Nick put a hand on his shoulder. "Charlie, that's not— That's not it at all. Please, don't apologise to me anymore. Okay? Just … no more sorrys."
"But—"
"It was all my fault. I didn't tell you about St. John's. I should have—I should have prepared you better, or made Kieran skip his stupid dentist appointment, or … I don't know. Played better, so you didn't have to be in that position."
"You can't play for the whole team, Nick."
Nick smiled a little. "Sometimes I wish I could. That was a really good tackle. Or it would have been, against another school."
"Thanks. So … we're okay?"
"We're good. Really." Nick pulled him into a hug, quickly, and then let go.
Relieved, Charlie bent to finally give Nellie her pets.
"We'd better walk her now."
"Okay."
It was a pretty day, cool and crisp, and it was lovely just to walk together, enjoying the day, not talking.
Eventually, Nick looked over at Charlie and sighed. "I don't think your friends like me very much."
"I don't think your friends like me very much."
"Who cares what they think? They're idiots. But your friends matter to you. It bothers me that—is Tao the tall one?—he looked at me the other day like I was an awful person."
"Well, Harry did hit him in the head with a ball."
Nick winced. "You heard about that, did you?"
"Yeah."
"I went to check he was okay, and he chucked the ball back at me. Hit me in the back of the head. I suppose he thought I deserved it."
Charlie took Nick's hand. "It was nice of you to try to help."
"I didn't, though. Help. I think I just made things worse. My friends couldn't stop ragging me about it."
Charlie raised his eyebrows, wondering what else Nick had expected. "Tao just doesn't know you."
Nick looked up at Charlie. "Why are you so patient with me? Why aren't you … I don't know, pushing me to hurry up?"
He hadn't been aware that was bothering Nick so much. He didn't want him to feel pressured. "I don't know, do you think that would help?"
Nick looked down at his shoes. "No."
"Then that's why." Still holding Nick's hand, Charlie stepped closer to him. "I am the last person to want someone to be outed when they're not ready. I know what that's like, and I would never wish that on anyone. Much less you. However long it takes you to be sure of who you are and what you want, that's how long it takes."
"But it's not just about me. It's you, too, and not being able to tell your friends, and—"
"Nick." Charlie squeezed his hand reassuringly. "I'm fine. Really."
"Are you?" Nick searched his face.
"Yes. I am."
"Thank you."
Charlie smiled at him.
At their feet, Nellie whined, tired of standing in one place. Both of them knelt to pet her, their hands touching in her thick fur.
Nick caught Charlie's hand in his. "Charlie."
"Yeah?"
"I just want you to know … I wouldn't change anything. Well, I mean, I might change some things, but … this. You and me. I wouldn't change that."
Charlie caught his breath. It was the last thing he had expected Nick to say. "You wouldn't?"
"No." Nick looked around quickly. They were alone. He leaned in and kissed Charlie, softly.
Nellie whined louder this time, anxious to get moving.
Ending the kiss, Nick smiled at her. "Sorry, old girl." He reached for Charlie's hand as they kept walking. "You want to hang out tomorrow?"
"Can't, so—" Nick gave him the "stop saying sorry" look and he caught himself. "Unfortunately. I'm having my friends over."
"Oh." Looking disappointed, Nick squeezed Charlie's hand. "Well, I'm glad you're spending time with your friends, but I'll miss you."
"Me, too." Charlie smiled.