The small village of Riverwood was quiet and peaceful, save for the two men having an arguement on it's outskirts.
"They're joining the Empire/Stormcloaks!" Hadvar and Ralor yelled at the same time.
The two men in question had been explaining the various buildings that made up Riverwood, along with the names of the citizens residing in it. It had been somewhat friendly until they each offered the Eds assistance at their own separate homes, sparking their little feud. It had started with who would show them the most hospitality before it devolved into a screaming match as the two tried to get the Eds to be on their side of the war.
"How long have they been at this?" Eddy asked.
"I'm not quite sure, but I believe it to be about 23 minutes." Edd answered. "I do hope they cease this bickering soon. They're beginning to draw a crowd." the smart Edd said before both men took out their weapons.
"And their weapons!" Ed stated.
"I'll take your head, then I'll bring these three to join the Empire!" Hadvar declared.
"HA! You think these three want to live a life under the Elve's boot?! They will help us rid Skyrim of you traitors once and for all!" said Ralof.
"Stop it! The both of you!"
Everyone looked to see a middle aged man and a woman approach the men before getting in between the two.
"Gerdur?"
"Uncle Alvor?"
"What is going on here?" Gerdur demanded of her brother, Ralof.
"Stay out of this, Gerdur! I'm about to strike down this traitor!" Ralof demanded.
"Not today, you're not!" Gerdur denied.
"Put that weapon away, Hadvar." Alvor ordered.
"But Uncle-"
"I know about the war, but I also know that the realm of Whiterun is not a part of it!" Alvor interrupted. "As long as you're within this village, you'll behave and keep hostilities out! Do I make myself clear?!"
"...Yes, uncle." Hadvar reluctactly obeyed as he and Ralof sheathed their weapons.
"That's better. Now, everyone, let's head to the Inn!" Gerdur ordered with a smile before pulling her brother towards the Inn. "A good meal and drink is just what everyone needs!"
"Food!" Ed yelled as he followed, with everyone else coming along as well.
"Food sounds good. I'm hungry." Eddy stated.
"I am feeling quite peckish after that whole ordeal. Perhaps samping the local cuisine will help to calm my nerves." Edd confessed.
"You understand anything that one just said?" Alvor asked.
"No." Hadvar admitted as they walked into the Inn.
"What's this? So many visitors today?" asked a middle-aged woman named Delphine. "What's the occasion?"
"Nothing fancy. Just welcoming these two home." Gerdur explained as she gestured at Ralof and Hadvar before pointing at the Eds. "And they brought some friends who look like they could use some food."
"They got money?" Delphine asked.
"One meal for each on me." Gerdur answered.
"Alright. Find a seat and I'll get to you in a minute." Delphine said before everyone sat down at the tables while Delphine went around taking orders. After a while, she made it to the Eds. "Okay, what do you three want?"
"I'll have buttered toast, pudding skin and a bowl of Chunky Puffs!" Ed ordered. Delphine just gave him a look before turning to the other two.
"What did he just order?" she asked.
"My apologies for my friends selection. Pray tell, what is on the menu?" Edd asked.
"We have salmon steak, cooked beef and I just made a batch of apple cabbage stew." she listed off.
"Salmon's fish, right? I'll take that." Eddy ordered.
"I'll take the beef." said Ed.
"I would like to try the apple cabbage stew, please." Edd politely ordered.
"Okay. And what do you want to drink with that?" Delphine asked.
"Would you happen to any milk?" Edd asked. The occupants of the Inn all suddenly turned towards Edd, who was looking around in confusion.
"What did you just order?" Delphine asked.
"I...asked for a glass milk?" Edd repeated.
The moment he said that, everyone but his friends all started to laugh.
"HE ACTUALLY ORDERED MILK!"
"WHAT A BABY!"
"YEAH! A BIG BABY!" Ed laughed, not really getting the joke while Edd started to turn red from embarrassment.
"Listen...you. The only drinks served here are ale or mead. You want milk? Grab a bucket and find a cow." Delphine explained. "And if you do, don't come back. This place isn't for milk drinkers."
"Of course it's not!" Eddy suddenly said while slinging his arm around Edd's shoulder. "Sockhead here was just joking! Trying to lighten the atmosphere after all the crazy things that happened a few hours ago."
"No, I'm seri-" Edd tried to protest before Eddy's arm tightened around his neck.
"We'll take three ales!" Eddy ordered.
"That's better." Delphine said before walking away to get the food.
"Eddy, what are you doing?!" Edd whispered. "We cannot consume alcholic beverages! We're underaged!"
"Back home, yeah. But we grew up now. And you saw how everyone laughed at you for ordering milk." Eddy whispered back. "So let's just relax for the moment. Besides, what kind of men would we be for passing up alcohol?"
"Responsible and respectable." Edd answered.
"We are?" Ed asked, earning a laugh from some of the other patrons.
"Where did you find these guys?" Gerdur asked his brother.
"We met during the trip to Helgen, where we were going to be executed by Hadvar and the other Imperials." Ralof answered before glaring at Hadvar, who glared back.
"So you were all slated to meet your ends on the chopping block?" asked Hod. "How are you alive then?"
"Well, I was about to be beheaded, but was saved when Helgen was attacked by a dragon." Edd answered.
"A dragon?!" Alvor yelled in surprise as the patrons began to murmur to each other.
"Haha! A dragon? You guys're drunker than I am!" the town drunk, Embry, slurred before bringing his bottle of ale to his lips, causing him to fall over and out of his seat in the process.
"Embry has a point. Dragons are a myth." said Delphine's co-owner, Orgnar.
"Well that 'myth' has turned Helgen into a pile of smoldering ruins." Hadvar countered, with Ralof nodding.
"Hmm. That's not good." Delphine muttered as she passed out everyone's food.
"Finally!" Eddy said before he and Ed tore into their food.
"Gentlemen, have some manners!" Edd chastised before he calmly ate his stew. "Mmm. This is quite delicious." he said before a bit of Ed's meal stuck to his cheek. "Why do I even bother?" he asked as he wiped the food from his face.
"Thirsty!" Ed said before taking the ale he was given and chugged it. A moment later, his eyes widened as his eyes watered. "Eddy, why is my throat on fire?" he rasped.
"That's because you're not used to alcoholic beverages." Edd whispered to him before taking his own ale. Not wanting to be laughed at again, he took a big gulp and forced it down. "A...robust flavor." he wheezed with a watery smile.
"Ah, you both are being wimps." Eddy scoffed before he took a sip of his drink, then started to cough and hack his lungs out when it hit his throat. "S...S...Smooth!" he got out, making the others laugh.
"What kind of man can't handle one drink?" one laughed.
"It's okay. The first one's always rough! But after that?" Embry said before laughing and downing his own booze. "It goes down like water...*hic*..." Eddy took another sip and forced it down with a smile.
"You're right...like water." he wheezed.
"They are milk drinkers!" one patron whispered with a chuckle.
"Back to the dragons." Hadvar spoke up after clearing his throat. "The whole thing is true. A dragon destroyed Helgen. We barely made it out of there with our lives."
"Wait...so dragons really have returned?!" Hod asked.
"Indeed. And it may not be just one." Ralof admitted. "If one could destroy Helgen, what could more of them do?"
"B-But that's impossible! Dragon's have been gone for a long time! Why are they coming back now?!" asked Lucan.
"We do not know. We plan to bring this news to the rest of the holds." Hadvar answered before scowling. "The problem now is Whiterun."
"What's wrong with Whiterun?" Eddy asked after wiping his mouth of bits of fish.
"Skyrim is made of nine Holds. Eight of them are involved in our war, but Whiterun is neutral. Jarl Balgruuf refuses to get his people involved, so he won't listen to anyone from the Empire or Stormcloaks." Ralof explained. "Which means neither Hadvar or I can warn him about the dragons."
"Oh dear." Edd muttered before an idea came to him "Perhaps we can be of assistance and warn him in your stead?"
"You? No, wait. That may work since none of you are part of the war!" exclaimed Hadvar. "He may listen to you and will be able to fortify his Hold to stand against the dragons!"
"Hold that that." Eddy suddenly said before grabbing Edd and bringing him over to an empty corner. "What are you doing, Double D?!"
"I'm offering to warn Whiterun of the threat of the dragons." Edd stated.
"Are you out of your mind?!" Eddy yelled.
"Eddy, we can't just ignore this threat! We all saw that dragon kill those people and burn those buildings! If that dragon comes back and attacks another town without proper defenses, even more lives will be lost!" Edd explained. "Can you honestly live with yourself if you didn't warn anyone about that?!"
Eddy thought back to those moments in Helgen. The terror the dragon induced from it's presence and it's ability to roast anyone alive haunted him for a moment before he shook it away.
"Okay, you have a point." he admitted. "But if we're doing this, I want something out of it. We're not a charity, Double D."
"Eddy!" Edd quietly snapped.
"So which way to Whiterun?" Ed asked, causing his friends to look at him.
"It's not that far from here." Ralof answered as he showed Ed a map. "You take a right out of Riverwood and follow the road North."
"Whoa whoa! When did we agree to go?!" Eddy said as he pulled Ed away.
"Your friend here agreed." Hadvar answered.
"We must help people fight against the dragon, and-" Ed began before Eddy grabbed Ed's mace and, to the confusion and horror of everyone, literally rammed it up his nose, causing his head to morph around it.
"Shut up, Lumpy! I do the talking for us!" Eddy growled before pushing Ed aside.
"Is he...okay?" Gerdur asked with a disturbed expression.
"Ed's fine. There's nothing in there to damage, anyway." Eddy brushed off. "Anyway, you're wanting us to risk our necks to let the head honcho around here know about the dragons, right? We'll do it, but only if we get some cash out of it."
"Cash? What's cash?" Hadvar asked.
"What?! You know! Moolah! Dinero! The green and paper with faces on it that makes the world go round!" Eddy answered.
"One bottle of ale and he's talking crazy." Embry said before drinking his own booze again.
"What my friend here is asking for is payment in exchange for warning Whiterun." Edd explained.
"Oh! Why didn't he say that before?" Ralof asked.
"We don't have that face paper stuff you mentioned. We only use gold around here." Hadvar explained.
Everyone could hear the 'CHA-CHING' as Eddy's eyes turned into dollar symbols, a massive grin on his face.
"Now is he okay?" Gerdur asked while Edd slapped his hand over his face.
"To move this story along, Eddy says we'll do it." Edd answered.
After snapping Eddy out of it and getting proper directions to Whiterun, the Eds had decided to set out tomorrow morning so that they could get a full night's rest, which left them with plenty of time to recover, resupply and, in Edd's case, learn more about the world they were in. Which is how Edd found himself at the Riverwood Trader while Ed and Eddy went off to explore a little around the village.
"So you'll be needing some supplies for the trip to Whiterun, correct?" Lucan asked Edd. "Well, I got a few things I can spare if it means helping out. Just make sure that the Jarl sends some help to Riverwood."
"I'll do everything I can to convince the Jarl to send assistance." Edd promised while Lucan gathered a few spare potions and food.
"Alright. You speak to Alvor about having your armor looked at? Better to have a blacksmith inspect it for damage then finding out it's ineffective the hard way." Lucan suggested.
"I shall remember that." Edd responded as Camilla, Lucas's sister, entered the building.
"Lucan. I want to talk to you about what we discussed earlier." she said.
"No! No no no no no no no!" he repeated in an angry tone. "How many times do I have to tell you?! It's too dangerous!"
"So we're supposed to just let the thieves get away with robbing the store?!" Camilla demanded. "You loved that thing!"
"True, but it's not worth risking our lives to get back!" Lucan countered. "You're not going and that's final!"
"And if I decide to go anyway?" she challenged.
"Will you just listen to me already, you stubborn woman?!" Lucan yelled. Camilla looked ready to continue before Eddy suddenly came in.
"Hey, is there a woman named Camilla here?" he asked before holding up a folded piece of paper.
"I'm Camilla." the woman in question answered. "Is there something you need?"
"Got a letter for you from a guy named Faendal." he said as he held the letter out to her. She was about to take it before Ed barged in, a letter in his hand.
"LETTER FOR CAMILLA FROM...uh...FAENDAL!" he declared.
"Another letter from Faendal?" Camilla asked.
"Yeah. Faendal the music man asked me to deliver this letter!" Ed explained, confusing Camilla.
"Faendal is the archer who works at the lumber mill." she corrected.
"Uh...oh yeah! He said to deliver this letter and say it was from the music man!" the dumbest Ed said out loud.
"He did?" both Camilla and Eddy said at once before Eddy tried to hide his letter, only to have it taken from him by the woman as she read both letters.
"What is this?" she asked after reading the letters before looking at the two Eds that had them. "What's going on?!"
"Care to explain, Eddy?" Edd spoke up with a frown, making Eddy sweat and smile.
"Alright, alright! Quit crowding me!" Eddy huffed. "The guy playing the harp at the Inn told me to give you this letter and say it was from the archer, which would make you hate him for saying a lot of nasty things about the other guy. Said it was to make you like him more and forget the other."
"I believe I understand the situation." Edd stated as he read both letters. "Both men are vying for you affection and have both unknowingly concocted the same scheme to trick you with false letters into hating one and loving the other."
"Hmm...Excuse me for a moment." she said before calmly walking out the door.
"Should we be worried?" Ed asked.
"Only for those two idiots." Lucan answered. A moment later, two men were heard screaming for a moment before silence returned. A few moments later, Camilla returned with a smile while dusting her hands off. "How'd the talk go?"
"They were both understanding." she answered.
Both men, now sporting bruises, were floating in the shallows of the nearby river.
"What a woman." Sven slurred.
"Thut upf." Faendal said through swollen lips.
"I owe all three of you for this." Camilla said before looking them over with a smile. "You three look capable. How would you feel about helping us?"
"Now you're asking strangers to solve our problems?" Lucan asked with a sigh.
"Well you won't let me go get it, so why not ask them?" she asked.
"Get what? We're already going to Whiterun. What more do you people want?" Eddy huffed.
"Nothing much. I just want someone to go and retrieve something that was stolen from us not too long ago." Camilla explained.
"Oh yeah? What was it?" Eddy asked.
"It's nothing much. Just a golden claw that's been with us for a while." Lucan answered.
"Golden?!" Eddy repeated with a grin.
"Not again." Edd groaned.