'There you go, good girl.' The words were meaningless but it felt nice to let baby Hope hear her mother's voice at last. The baby finished the bottle and Tansy placed a muslin over her shoulder and lifted her up so that she could be winded. Hope protested sleepily and buried her face in Tansy's hair.

'Good girl,' Tansy mumbled again, patting the baby's back rhythmically but gently; she didn't want Hope to sick up her breakfast. It was already after eight o'clock in the morning and she needed to get ready for lessons. She stared out at the castle grounds, squinting slightly against the bright early-morning sunlight and hoped there would be time later to take her daughter outside for some fresh air.

'Did she take the whole bottle?' Tansy looked up as Minerva walked in through the door of the bedroom, balancing a tray piled high with breakfast items on the tip of her wand. She nodded in reply, suddenly feeling stupid and tongue-tied. Then she shook herself mentally, telling herself off for being so stupid.

'And there it is, you clever girl!' Minerva said brightly, as Hope let out a small burp. Tansy felt something sliding down the back of her neck and her heart sank slightly. It was only a dribble but it was enough that she'd have to wash her hair and find clean pajamas for the following night.

Tansy lowered Hope onto her lap, then sighed as she heard the tell-tale sounds of the baby filling her nappy. It seemed to go on forever and, when it was finally over, Tansy looked down, surprised to see that the nappy had held its contents without leaking.

'I'll change her while you get ready,' Minerva offered, crossing over to the wardrobe. When she opened the door Tansy could see several brand-new sets of school robes hanging like dead things inside. 'You must have some breakfast too before class. Oh and I almost forgot…' Minerva fished in the pocket of her emerald green robes and withdrew a crumpled piece of parchment which she restored flat with a tap of her wand. '…your timetable.' She said, holding it out to Tansy.

Still cradling the baby, Tansy inspected it. It seemed a lot less full than usual and she wondered idly if Minerva McGonagall had removed some of her classes so that she wouldn't overdo things.

'All of the eighth years will have three hours a week for each subject rather than the usual four.' Minerva explained, seeing Tansy's questioning eyes. 'There just aren't enough hours in the day to timetable anymore and the teachers' schedules are impossible already. There will probably be more coursework to make up for it but…'

Tansy's ears tuned out and she felt herself paling as she looked down at the timetable again. She tried to control her breathing, which was becoming increasingly panicked by reassuring herself that she had quite a quiet day today – an hour of Herbology first thing, then the rest of the morning off and double potions in the afternoon. She wasn't particularly successful and the room suddenly seemed to be lacking in oxygen. She felt pressure on her shoulder and looked up into Minerva's worried face.

'Tansy? What's the matter?' Minerva slid onto the bed next to the panicking girl.

Tansy leaned into her adoptive mother and buried her nose in Hope's fuzzy hair, inhaling the comforting smell of dried baby milk. She didn't want to leave her, even though she knew that the people who would be looking after her were infinitely more capable than she was.

'Tansy?' Minerva pressed. Tansy opened her mouth to answer but no words came out. She struggled silently at the anxiety that seemed to hold her voice box tightly in its fist. Tears smarted her eyes and she dropped her gaze.

'Deep breaths, Tansy,' Minerva instructed. She sounded brisk and business-like. 'Take your time. Breathe with me.' Several long minutes passed while Tansy struggled to breathe in time with the other woman. 'I need you to tell me what the problem is so that I can help. You can write it down if it's easier.'

This had been happening a lot over the last few days; whenever Minerva realised that Tansy was starting to panic or was having a fog-attack, she would ask Tansy to try and let her know, either verbally or by writing, what she was feeling. Then, they would try to find a solution together so that Tansy could start to feel more in control. It was exhausting and there were times, like now, when Tansy wasn't at all sure that it was helping; sometimes it just felt easier to let her brain win, let the panic overrule her, let the fog descend.

'Tansy?' There was another long silence.

'Leaving Hope… fog… lessons…' The girl finally muttered, still avoiding the other woman's eyes. Minerva nodded, as if Tansy's incoherent answer had made all the sense in the world.

'Thank you for answering me, Tansy. I understand that it's hard to leave Hope but it's only for an hour.' Minerva's voice had taken on a gentler tone and she squeezed Tansy's shoulder supportively. 'Hope will be fine, I promise. Madam Pomfrey will look after her this morning.'

'Potions?' Tansy asked, her voice tiny. Speaking in full sentences was just too exhausting.

'Mrs Weasley will be coming over this afternoon. If you don't want to leave Hope for the full two hours then it's okay. Professor Snape will let you leave early.' Tansy barely listened to the second part of what Minerva had said; she was trying to quell the new spike of anxiety that had risen with the prospect of Mrs Weasley looking after Hope.

'Now…' Minerva gently removed the dozing baby from Tansy's arms and they both wrinkled their noses simultaneously at the smell from her loaded nappy. 'I want you to have something to eat and then you need a shower so you can wash your hair. I will come and fetch you in half an hour. We can drop Hope off at the hospital wing on our way to the greenhouses.' She pushed the tray of breakfast items into Tansy's lap. 'Come on then Madam, let's get you a clean nappy.' Cradling the sleepy baby in one arm, Minerva summoned the changing supplies from Tansy's bathroom and left the room.

Sometimes it was nice to be told what to do. It was a relief for Tansy to mindlessly follow Minerva McGonagall's instructions so that she didn't have to think for herself.

With shaking fingers, Tansy unhitched the sling and reluctantly handed Hope over to Madam Pomfrey.

'It's my guess that she'll sleep through until you get back,' the Matron said reassuringly, seemingly aware of just how difficult Tansy was finding this. 'A troupe of dancing pixies wouldn't wake her.' Tansy glanced down at her tiny daughter and felt something snap inside her. She bit her lip against the sobs that fought to break free.

'Tansy, she'll be fine.' Minerva had seen the anguished look on Tansy's face. A tear spilled over and then, suddenly, there was nothing that Tansy could do to stop them all from rolling down her cheeks. She hadn't cried properly for days, not since she'd talked to Remus and Minerva back at the Scottish cottage. She'd thought that she'd dried out and completely run out of tears but today she seemed to be making up for lost time.

'Poppy, is there anything you can give Tansy to help her to calm down? She has to attend class in a few minutes.' Minerva stroked Tansy's hair off her face and held her tightly as the girl sobbed into her shoulder.

Madam Pomfrey placed Hope in a crib over by the window and then turned back to them. She looked hard at Minerva and then shook her head.

'I'm not going to give you a calming draft, Miss Laverstock,' she said softly, but firmly. 'If I make it easier today then it will only seem harder tomorrow.' She patted Tansy's shoulder sympathetically and turned to Minerva. 'This is a perfectly normal reaction, Minerva. All new mothers' find it very difficult to leave their babies for the first time.'

Tansy knew that she was being irrational but this knowledge did not make it any easier to cope with the reality. She'd left Hope for an hour at a time when she'd been staying at the cottage with Minerva. However, this felt totally different; at the cottage she'd always been within calling distance. It hadn't felt like abandonment.

'Take a deep breath, Tansy. You can do this.' Tansy wondered how Minerva could be so sure. 'It's only for an hour. She will be fine.' There was a long pause while Tansy tried to control herself. 'Come on, we're both going to be late for class.'

Minerva led her shaking daughter out of the hospital wing. Tansy sniffed and wiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her robes. Her heart seemed to be galloping in her chest and she felt strangely out of breath considering they were walking down a perfectly flat corridor.

'I…' Minerva stopped walking and leaned in to hear Tansy's whisper. '…scared to leave her… know it's silly. I'm sorry.'

'Tansy, you heard what Madam Pomfrey just said. This is perfectly normal. Merlin, most new mothers don't have to leave their babies until they are much older than Hope. You have nothing to apologise for. Here…' She handed Tansy a lacy handkerchief with an embroidered 'M' on the corner and the young witch used it to wipe at her still leaking eyes.

Perhaps it was lucky that the morning's Herbology lesson was a theoretical one, preparing the eighth years for a practical session two days later: Tansy found it extremely difficult to concentrate on Professor Sprout's lecture because her head seemed to be full of the fog again. Her ears kept tuning out and her eyes would lose their focus on the scrawled chalk words on the blackboard. When the Professor finished speaking, they were all given worksheets and textbooks. Tansy stared at hers but even writing her name across the top seemed to be an impossible feat.

At the end of the lesson, Professor Sprout collected the sheets. She nodded approvingly at Neville's and Hermione's and gave both Ron and Harry a smile of encouragement. Her smile faltered when she saw the blank parchment in front of Tansy. She looked sympathetically down at the young witch and Tansy dropped her eyes, feeling herself going pink.

'Is everything okay, Miss Laverstock?' Although the Professor spoke in a low voice, Tansy felt sure that everyone in the greenhouse was staring at her. She stared blankly at the desktop.

'She's fine,' Harry said coming to her aid. 'It's just that…'

'Mr Potter,' Tansy could hear the frown in Professor Sprout's voice. 'I'm asking Miss Laverstock. I understand…' The Professor's voice tuned out for several seconds. She turned back to Tansy who had just clapped her hands somewhat violently over her ears in an effort to get them to work again.

'Bad day?' She asked, her voice gentle. Tansy stared at her for a few seconds and nodded slowly. 'Thank you for coming to my class anyway. I can go over the work with you later in the week when you're feeling more up to it.' Tansy didn't think that her brain would ever be up for it but she nodded anyway, desperate to get out of the greenhouse and back to Hope.

Severus Snape's POV

'In…' Severus Snape opened the door of dungeon seven. The assembled eighth years looked up and started moving towards him. 'Ah Mr Malfoy.' Severus continued in his silkiest voice as the Slytherin boy walked past him. Draco looked positively terrified to be singled out from the crowd. Gone were the days of his cocky arrogance; he looked like he wanted the floor to open and swallow him up. 'I want to see you in my office after class, our chat got cut short last night.'

Draco nodded and scuttled into the dungeon. Severus saw that he had taken a seat by himself at the very back of the room. He looked pale and thin in the flickering light of the mounted torches behind him.

The Gryffindor eighth years were the last to enter the dungeon, with Granger and Potter flanking Tansy Laverstock so closely that it looked like they were holding her up. Tansy Laverstock herself looked dazed; there was something unfocused about her eyes and Severus wondered if she ought to be attending class at all. If he was honest with himself, he thought that she looked extremely unstable.

He closed the dungeon door and then walked over to the blackboard. The students were all rummaging in their bags for quills, textbooks and parchment. Severus glanced at the Gryffindor table and saw that Granger had found Tansy's Laverstock's things for her and had placed them on the desk in front of the other girl. Tansy Laverstock was staring blankly at the blackboard but even from here he could tell that she wasn't really seeing it. Severus thought back to the staff meeting the previous night, at the end of which the headmistress had informed the other Professors that Tansy Laverstock would be returning to class in an attempt to get her back to normality. He knew that Professor McGonagall was only doing what she thought best for her daughter but he wondered if it wouldn't do more harm than good; the girl looked like she needed another month of recuperation.

'Attention please.' Silence fell immediately as it always did when he started a class. 'Today we will be brewing the Cardiatica Curavi potion. Can anyone tell me what this potion is used for?' Predictably Hermione Granger's hand flew up. Severus swallowed down his annoyance; he was trying to break the habit of a lifetime and treat these particular Gryffindors fairly.

'Yes, Miss Granger?' Perhaps there was a hint of the old sarcasm in his voice but it was definitely toned down.

'Cardiatica Curavi is used to treat patients who have undergone a cardiac arrest, Sir, but only if the cardiac arrest has been caused by the heart illness Cardiatica Adgressus. It can't be used if the cardiac arrest has been caused by something else, lack of blood for example.' It was pretty impressive that the young woman still managed to sound as though she'd swallowed a textbook when she probably hadn't had time to do any studying for over a year.

'Correct, Miss Granger… er… ten points to Gryffindor.' The students all exchanged incredulous looks when they thought that he wasn't looking. Severus swallowed down his annoyance and continued the class.

'The potion itself is relatively simple; there are only four active ingredients plus a base of pomegranate juice. It should take a maximum of five to ten minutes to stir up as it is always freshly brewed in an emergency.' Severus used his wand to highlight the list of ingredients on the blackboard.

'There is only one complex part; the dragon liver has to be spelled for extra potency. Over the next two hours I will come to each of you individually and show you how to mix the potion. The effects of misspelling a dragon liver could be catastrophic so I forbid you to start on your own. The rest of you will study the theory of the potion and compose an essay to be handed in to me by the end of the class.'

Tansy's POV

Tansy had been staring at the unopened textbook in front of her for well over an hour without making a single move to do any work when she heard Professor Snape's footsteps behind their desk. She tensed and her elbow hit her cauldron with an echoing clang. Professor Snape placed a handful of ingredients in the centre of the table and surveyed the four Gryffindors with an uncharacteristic mildness. His eyebrows rose slightly when he saw the empty sheet of parchment and the unopened textbook in front of Tansy but he made no comment.

'Shall I start with you, Miss Laverstock?' He asked, in a low voice. His eyes flicked down to the blank parchment in front of Tansy again. 'Once we've made the potion you can go. The essay can be completed for a later date.' Snape poked his wand at the base of Tansy's cauldron and the fire crackled into life.

'The first step is to add the pomegranate juice so that it can start to simmer.' Snape said quietly. There was a long, expectant pause. Tansy was fully aware that all of her friends and Snape too were holding their breaths. Slowly, she forced herself to obey Snape's instructions. She could feel herself starting to tremble violently.

'Now add the dittany, flitterbulb and the snakeweed and stir counter clockwise until the colour changes from purple to pale pink.' Tansy dropped the three ingredients haphazardly into the cauldron and took hold of the metal stirring rod and tried to stir but her hands were shaking so badly by this point that she splashed herself with the mixture. It stung slightly where it touched the bare skin of her hands.

'Miss Laverstock, I know that you are capable of this.' Tansy jumped as Snape spoke softly in her ear. She knew that he had lowered his voice deliberately to the point where her friends would not hear him. 'Another five minutes and you can leave. You can do this.'

You can't do this.

The voice inside her head countered, loudly, and she shook her head to dislodge it.

After two minutes of stirring, the contents of the cauldron turned the pale pink of the inside of a seashell.

'One last step.' Snape pushed the cauldron to one side and placed a small quantity of dragon liver on the bench in front of Tansy. 'The spell is always nonverbal; think the words Cardica curus, accompanied by a flick and a sharp jab with your wand. Like so…' He demonstrated the wand movement. Tansy looked up at him numbly, her heart rate speeding up. She had expected this to happen eventually but she had not expected it to happen today. Wands were rarely used during Potions classes.

'Your turn, Miss Laverstock.' Tansy stared miserably at the dragon liver and didn't move. 'Where is your wand, Miss Laverstock?' Tansy knew but she shrugged in reply: Her wand was hidden in her bedroom under a pile of clean underwear that the house elves had delivered that morning. There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

'Never mind, you can use mine for today.' Snape placed the handle of his wand into Tansy's shaking hand. 'On the count of three… one… two…'

Tansy's mind was exploding as she fought to suppress the memories of the last time that she'd held a borrowed wand in her hand. Her heart was beating so fast that she felt weak and the air in the dungeon seemed to be devoid of oxygen. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself so that she could cast the stupid spell and get out of there.

Suddenly, she started violently; she was no longer in the dungeon. The pale faces of the crowd on the castle lawn below her looked up at her as she hung suspended in the air in front of them. The air tasted of leaf mould and wild garlic. Slowly, as if her arm had a mind of its own, she raised the wand into the air and looked up into the sky.

Thank you for my reviews. They are hugely inspiring to me. I hope you are all keeping well.