'Here you go sweetheart, get that down you.' Tansy shifted Hope's damp weight slightly so that she could take the mug of hot chocolate that Remus was offering her. She wondered idly if it was just hot chocolate or whether it had been laced with a calming draft of some kind. Then she realised that she was just too exhausted to care; if she could achieve emotional numbness by using a potion then she would take the break from the continual inner turmoil and take it gladly. She took a deep swig of the sweet, creamy liquid and felt herself shuddering slightly as the taste registered on her tongue. She realised she needed the sugar; she'd barely eaten that day, having been too worried about leaving Hope to go to classes.

They had been sat in Minerva and Tansy's sitting room for nearly half an hour. Harry, Mrs Weasley and Remus had gradually calmed Tansy down until she had stopped shaking and her breathing had become less erratic. When Mrs Weasley had finally deemed her safe and she had been allowed to hold her daughter, that had helped to calm her even more.

'I've got to go, Tansy,' Harry said regretfully, looking at his watch and standing up suddenly. 'I forgot that I'm supposed to help Hermione run a Prefect's meeting about how the first day back went. Then we have to discuss the excitement of the corridor duty schedules or something. I can't wait.' He pulled a face and fingered his head boy badge with a rueful expression. Then his expression brightened a little. 'Dobby told me that it's something good for dinner tonight though. The house elves are all really pleased to be back after their enforced holiday and they're cooking up a storm in the kitchens.'

'Hogwarts food is always good.' Remus said cheerfully, standing up too. 'Better than my wife's but don't tell her I said so.' He clapped Harry on the shoulder. 'See you at dinner.'

'You're a modern man, Remus so why don't you cook for yourself?' Mrs Weasley questioned, a look of mock-outrage on her face.

'We swop turn and turn about,' Remus interjected quickly, holding out his hands in a pacifying gesture. 'Or rather we used to. Obviously now I'll be eating at the castle some evenings when I'm on duty. Anyhow, you're all invited for dinner or drinks or whatever once we've settled into our new house. Give us a week or two to get unpacked though.'

Remus and Tonks had just bought a small house off one of the quiet backstreets in Hogsmeade. Remus had shown Tansy and Minerva a photo of the small, thatched cottage the previous day. It had late summer roses growing round the front door and a small overgrown garden. It looked calm and peaceful and although its location was totally different, it reminded Tansy of the Welsh cottage that Sirius and Fred had bought for her two years ago.

'That'll be lovely, Remus,' Harry said, 'I'll bring the booze, oh…' He had glanced at his watch again. 'Hermione's going to feed me to the dragons. See you later Tan!'

'Thank you, Harry,' Tansy whispered, surprising herself, and everyone in the room with words; this was the first time she'd spoken since the Potions class.

'I'm afraid that I've got to go too,' Mrs Weasley said, heaving herself to her feet. 'Percy was supposed to hear back from his promotion application today. I'm sure it'll be good news and I want to surprise him with a nice dinner.' A look of sadness flickered briefly across her face but it vanished again in an instant. 'I'll see you tomorrow morning Tansy and I'll see you too Madam.' She tapped Hope's tiny nose gently and then brushed her microscopic tuft of auburn hair with a forefinger. 'You know, she reminds me so much of Ginny when she was a baby. The hair and the expressions on her tiny face…'

Tansy felt herself tensing and her ears tuned out. Although she twisted her head violently to try and restore her hearing to normal, the buzzing increased. Her hot chocolate sloshed over the side of the mug and onto the arm of the sofa. Ignoring her scalded fingers, Tansy stared at Mrs Weasley in horror, her ears totally refusing to register what the other witch was saying for a few seconds.

'…whoops.' Mrs Weasley took the mug from Tansy's uncomprehending fingers and used her wand to conjure a cloth out of thin air. 'It's okay dear, how's the hand?' Tansy ignored the question and Mrs Weasley used the cloth to wipe the chocolate off the girl's fingers and off the arm of the sofa. Finally, she wiped the bottom of the mug.

'What's the matter, dear?' Tansy flinched away as Mrs Weasley used her free hand to sweep a lock of Tansy's wild, curly hair out of the girl's face so that she could peer more closely at her.

'Molly, Tansy's had a bad day.' Remus shot a concerned look towards the young witch and Mrs Weasley nodded sympathetically.

'I know, dear.' She put the mug down on the coffee table beside the arm of the sofa. 'Things will get easier love. 'I'll see you both tomorrow.' She leaned in and kissed Tansy's forehead and then touched Hope's forehead once more, in a gesture of farewell. Then she turned away.

She had just reached the door when she turned back.

'I almost forgot. Fred said that he would visit you this evening. He's sorry that he hasn't been for a couple of days. He's trying to reopen the shop and I think he's finding it quite hard without George…' Her eyes filled with tears and she groped for her hankie. 'Anyway, I hope that you feel better soon.' Mrs Weasley turned and left the room before Tansy could even react to the news that Fred would be visiting later or the mention of George's name.

'Tansy?' Remus had taken Harry's vacated chair directly opposite to where Tansy was sat. Tansy looked away from his intense expression. Outside the castle grounds and the lake looked stunning in the afternoon sunlight and she could see that several groups of students had taken their homework outside for an hour of study before dinner.

'Tansy?' Remus asked again, his voice soft, almost pleading. Tansy couldn't bear the tone of his voice and she looked round quickly.

'I'm… I'm sorry, Remus.' It seemed to be her default response to everything these days. She had to apologise for everything; her failure as a witch, her failure as a mother and her failure as a human being. Her sheer inability to cope with life.

'Merlin, Tansy? Whatever for? You don't have to be sorry for anything.' Remus sounded emotional. 'I'm the one who should be sorry, love. I had no idea and I didn't notice that you weren't using your wand. I didn't think…' He swallowed, wiped at his eyes and then seemed to shake himself. Then he did the typically-Remus-thing; he was never one to ruminate over something that had already happened in the past. Remus was more of a problem solver, immediately moving on and working through the issue until a solution was found.

'We need to find a way for you to move on from this. We can do it together.' He said firmly. 'You can do it Tansy. We just need to find a way to get you over this small hurdle.'

Tansy imagined herself holding the handle of her ebony wand and raising it in the air ready to cast a spell. Immediately, her breathing became erratic and she felt her earlier shakes returning with a vengeance. Fog descended in front of her eyes and she jerked her free hand up to her face to rub it away. Her ears tuned out and a strange buzzing seemed to fill her head. Dimly, she was aware of someone pulling the baby out of her arms. Tansy fought to hold on to her; Hope was the only thing grounding her to the situation. Whoever it was persevered and they were stronger than she was. With a sense of numbing despair, Tansy felt the baby being taken away. She was alone in the fog once more.

'Deep breaths Tansy. Try to calm down. I'm here now.' A familiar voice penetrated through the buzzing in Tansy's ears; Minerva had returned. Tansy blinked and her adoptive mother's concerned face swam into view. Minerva was still wearing her outside cloak and hat and she smelled of autumnal leaf mould. Tansy gulped in air like a half-drowned person and tried to follow Minerva's instructions to breathe deeply and evenly.

'I…' She tried to explain through chattering teeth because she was sure that if she could only tell them that it was impossible then they would leave her alone. If she could only tell them that this was something that couldn't be fixed then they would give her up as a lost cause and leave her in peace. Perhaps they would even give her back her daughter.

Remus, cradling Hope securely in one arm conjured a blanket out of thin air and draped it over Tansy's shoulders. Tansy was still struggling to find the words to explain why she couldn't bring herself to touch her wand. In the end she gave up and settled for something else instead.

'Ears tune out… my eyes go fuzzy… fog… it fills everything…' The two adults looked at each other with concerned expressions but Tansy was too far gone to feel embarrassed. She reached her arms out towards the baby. 'Please… Remus… I need…' She felt a single tear sliding down her cheek.

'Tansy, we need to discuss what just happened in your Potions class.' Minerva began.

'Please, I need…' The two adults exchanged looks again. '…she helps me to fight the fog.'

'Tansy, will you listen to me please…?' Remus had handed the baby back to Tansy but Minerva immediately placed her hands on her, clearly untrusting of Tansy's ability to hold Hope safely.

Tansy suddenly felt an uncharacteristic stab of fury towards her adoptive mother and choked suddenly; it was so intense and such a change from her usual emotions that it took her by surprise. For the first time since waking up in the hospital wing a month before, she felt a sense of her old stubbornness rising up inside her.

'…we will help you to use your magic again.' Minerva had been talking for a while but Tansy only caught the tail end of what she'd been saying. Tansy looked up at her despairingly. '…if we start small, maybe some easy Transfiguration spells or something then perhaps…?' Minerva's voice tuned out.

'…I know it's hard but we can fix this.' That was Remus speaking. Tansy looked up and caught his eyes and held them. A look of hope flickered across his face as Tansy finally seemed to acknowledge the things that they were saying to her.

'You can't fix this, Remus…' Tansy's voice was soft but firm. '… you can't fix something that's broken beyond repair.' She watched as the look of hope vanished from his face, crushed by her words.

Tansy stared him down. Her ears had filled with white noise again and it wasn't until she felt Minerva pulling the baby gently out of her arms that Tansy realised that Hope had finally woken up. The baby was twisting awkwardly in her mother's tight embrace, kicking her tiny legs in discomfort and grasping at the air with her starfish hands. Tansy could see that her back and legs were stained yellow from where her nappy had leaked. Now that she was focused again, she could smell it too, and she wrinkled her nose automatically.

'Tansy, let me take her. She needs changing.'

Tansy shook her head numbly and pulled the baby tightly into her chest, causing her to squawk with discomfort. She was determined that she should be the one to sort out her daughter; Tansy felt as though she had barely been present in Hope's life today. Other people had fed her, changed her and comforted her while Tansy attended her classes. She staggered to her feet, the blanket sliding off her shoulders to the floor, and swayed as a wave of vertigo hit her. Both Minerva and Remus reached out concerned hands to steady her but Tansy shrugged them off.

'I… I want to do it... for Hope… she's mine…' Tansy gave up trying to explain why it was so important to her and made her way shakily over to her bedroom. She could feel the concerned eyes of Remus and Minerva burning into her back as she went.

Once she reached the bathroom, Tansy looked down at her tiny daughter and knew immediately that she would have to run her a bath. Clutching Hope securely to her chest, she leaned over and twisted the bath taps to turn on the water. As she leaned in further to put in the plug, another wave of dizziness hit her and she jerked upright, banging her elbow painfully on the corner of the changing table. She glanced down in dismay at the baby, aware of just how close she'd been to knocking Hope's head against the table. Her daughter's face was screwed up in discomfort and she was crying properly by this point. Her whole lower half was stained a sick kind of yellow and the front and sleeve of Tansy's robes were also smeared. Tansy suddenly realised that she was crying too. She slid down the wall and brought up her knees so that the baby would be safe and let the tears fall.

It was some minutes before she moved and then it was only the knowledge that her daughter couldn't be left in her current predicament that forced her to her feet once more. She knew that she couldn't do it on her own. Biting her lip against the sobs that threatened to take over her entire body, Tansy walked back to the bathroom door and across her bedroom. The two Professors were sat exactly where she had left them, talking intently. They both looked up as they heard Hope's plaintive cries.

'I… I can't do…' Tansy struggled to get the words out. 'Please can you help me?' Once the words were said, it was the easiest thing in the world to let her adoptive mother encircle both her and the baby in her arms and lead them back, through the bedroom and into the bathroom.

An hour later, Tansy and Minerva sat opposite each other across the tiny table in their living room. Hope had been bathed and fed and she now lay contentedly asleep in a wicker Moses basket beside the sofa. Tansy had also taken a shower and Minerva had produced a brand-new pair of fleecy pajamas for her to put on. Despite the mild September evening, Tansy felt chilled and shivery and it felt comforting and safe to be wrapped in the soft material.

'Try and eat a few more bites please, Tansy.' Tansy waited until Minerva had looked back towards her own plate and used the fork to move the sausage casserole around the plate; Harry had been right and the food tonight really was delicious but she still had very little appetite today. 'That doesn't just mean move it about your plate.' Tansy looked up to see Minerva looking disapprovingly at her.

'I… I'm sorry. I'm not hungry.' Tansy looked miserably down at her plate.

'How about some of Molly's cake? She's made you a lemon drizzle, your favourite.' Tansy looked over to the kitchenette and was quite surprised to see the enormous cake tin; she'd been too preoccupied to notice it before. Minerva used her wand and summoned it over to the table and when she removed the lid, Tansy saw that the cake inside was indeed her favourite; a moist, lemony sponge, sandwiched with a rich lemon curd and topped with crunchy lemon icing and candied lemon peel. To her surprise, her mouth started to water in anticipation. Minerva used her wand to cut Tansy a large slice and then cut herself a smaller one. The cake was moist and delicious and it slid down quickly and easily, as did the second slice that Minerva placed on Tansy's plate when the girl had demolished the first.

It wasn't until they had both finished eating and had moved over to the sofa that Minerva broached the topic of the Potions class again.

'Tansy, I know you've had a very difficult day but we need to discuss what happened during your Potions class.' Tansy felt her heart sinking. 'Will you tell me what happened?' Tansy took a deep breath; she could feel her earlier fear and anxiety grumbling disconsolately under the surface but she felt slightly calmer now and she had always trusted Minerva McGonagall more than anybody else.

'I…' She hesitated, trying to find the right words.

'Take your time, Tansy.' Minerva moved herself closer to the young witch and placed a hand on her shoulder.

'I… I can't use a wand… I knew I couldn't…' Tansy stammered.

'Is that why you left it up here?' Minerva asked gently and she slid Tansy's wand out of her pocket and placed it in the young witch's lap. Tansy recoiled as if Minerva had placed a venomous snake there instead of an inanimate object.

'I can't. It makes me… I go back there. I remember…' Tansy drew in a deep, shaking breath. Although the words were painful, once they were out in the open, she felt a certain lightness. 'In Potions… I went back there…'

'You remembered the last time you held a wand.' Minerva said quietly.

'And what I nearly did with it, Professor!' Tansy said desperately. 'I nearly… I nearly betrayed everyone!'

'You saved everyone,' Minerva said firmly. 'Without you many lives would've been lost. We might even have lost the war. Tansy what you did that night on the castle lawn, what you did with that wand was incredible! You saved us all!'

'But I…'

'You remembered who you are. You used that wand to protect your friends. You used your magic for good, Tansy.' Minerva hesitated and then she slid off the sofa and, wincing slightly at her creaking knees, she moved herself round so that she could kneel in front of Tansy. Their faces were on the same level and Tansy was forced to look her adoptive mother in the eyes.

'Tansy, I'm not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do. But I am going to remind you of something.' Tansy looked into Minerva's determined green eyes, suddenly feeling slightly afraid of what she was about to be told. 'Your magic is a part of your very soul. You cannot abandon it now any more than you can stop your heart from beating and still live. Whether you use it intentionally or not, your magic will always find a way out. Look at what happened in Potions today when Mr Weasley tried to restrain you!' Tansy felt her cheeks warming and a feeling of shame swept through her as she remembered how she'd unintentionally flung Ron across the room.

'It is far better if you use it in a controlled and deliberate way, Tansy. Otherwise it will start to control you. It could do a lot of damage.'

Minerva McGonagall looked into the young witch's deep blue eyes for a few seconds, as if she was making sure that Tansy had understood the importance of her words. Then she placed something else in Tansy's lap and sank back onto her heals. Tansy stared at the object for a few seconds and understanding suddenly dawned on her. With a hand that shook, she picked up her ebony wand and pointed it at the thing.

Tansy never knew how long it took her to summon up to courage to cast the spell but it felt like hours. Minerva waited in silence, letting Tansy work through her fears and summon her courage without interruption.

'Acris argenti!' Tansy thought the words clearly in her mind, jabbing the ebony wand.

The muggle matchstick in her lap turned silver and a pointy.

Thank you so much for your reviews; you have no idea how much they inspire me and cheer me up! I'm feeling a bit like Tansy at the moment; so stressed and anxious about what's happening in the world right now and work being so busy too. Thank you again for my reviews!