Tansy's POV

'Flora Young to room five please. Flora Young to room five.' The cool female voice over the tannoy startled Tansy, who had been dropping off, her head against the wall and she jerked upwards - she was exhausted. The muggle sleeping tablets had run out three days ago and she hadn't had more than twenty minutes of uninterrupted sleep since.

Tansy glanced warily around the room, convinced that people were staring at her but there were only two other people waiting; a mother with two toddlers over by the toy box who caught her eye and smiled, until Tansy looked away in embarrassment, and an elderly man, half hidden behind the huge newspaper he was reading. Nobody was looking at her; she was just being paranoid. She felt Hope stirring in her sling and looked down at her, hoping that she was still fast asleep. The baby had turned her head so that her cheek was pillowed between Tansy's breasts and her eyes were shut, the thin membrane of her eyelids almost translucent in the bright lights of the surgery waiting room. She looked so peaceful and content that Tansy smiled softly and felt herself relaxing a little.

'Flora Young to room five please. Flora Young to room five.' The tannoy announced again.

Tansy used her finger to stroke the soft auburn curl that had escaped from under Hope's hat and wondered if she would be brave enough to take her daughter for a walk around the park after they'd finished here. It was freezing out but she had a warm coat and the fresh air would probably do them both some good, but being out of the flat always made her jumpy.

'Flora Young? Are you ready?' Tansy jumped horribly and looked up at the middle-aged woman standing in front of her. She had a kind face and a stethoscope hanging around her neck and a name tag pronouncing her to be Dr Kate Thomas on her breast pocket. Tansy grimaced, trying to convey her apology as she remembered that she had registered under the name of Flora Young. She nodded quickly and stood up too fast. She felt her head spinning and put out a hand to steady herself on the back of the chair.

'Careful…' The doctor put out a hand in case Tansy swayed again. 'Follow me, I'll take the baby changing bag.' There was a note of authority in the doctor's voice that reminded Tansy of Madam Pomfrey and it helped her to relax slightly. Dazedly she followed her down a narrow, carpeted corridor that smelled slightly of antiseptic and cleaning products and into a consultation room.

'Take a seat.' The woman dumped the nappy bag on the end of the paper covered examination bed as Tansy sank uneasily into the seat opposite the desk. 'So,' the doctor took the seat beside the computer and looked carefully at Tansy, 'what can I do for you this morning?' It was stupid, but even now, even when there was no threat at all, Tansy felt as though she was fighting with a mailed fist that was holding her voice box and squeezing tightly. She coughed and looked down at baby Hope's head to avoid the doctor's eyes. She could feel a blush rising in her cheeks.

'Miss Young?' The silence stretched uncomfortably. Tansy took a deep breath and opened her mouth.

'I… I need some more sleeping tablets please.' Her voice was barely audible but, when she looked up, she could see that Dr Thomas was nodding.

'Okay,' the doctor turned towards the computer on the desk beside her, making no comment on the fact that Tansy had finally spoken to her; the last time she'd been here, Tansy had resorted to a pen and paper. 'I see that you've had the full four-week course of the temazepam.' She looked up and Tansy nodded numbly. 'I'm sorry Miss Young but I really don't feel comfortable prescribing this indefinitely. In high doses like this it can cause some very very nasty side effects. I think the way forward would be to start reducing the dose and having some therapy to tackle the root cause of your sleeping problem.'

'I… I don't need therapy.' The words were almost inaudible. The doctor smiled kindly and then leaned forwards.

'I think a course of CBT could really help you to overcome your anxiety. It might also help you to sleep without the medication.'

'I…' Tansy was about to deny that she had anxiety when she realised how ridiculous that would sound.

'How long have you suffered from selective mutism, Miss Young?' The doctor asked, in a gentle voice.

'I…' Once again, the denial caught in Tansy's throat. She sagged, suddenly feeling defeated. 'I… I… since I was a child… something happened to me and…'

'And how old were you then?' The doctor pressed, when Tansy had mumbled herself to silence. There was another long pause.

'Eight,' Tansy finally muttered.

'And you're…' The doctor consulted the screen for a second, '…eighteen years' old now?' Tansy nodded, wondering where this was going. She wondered if she should just confund the woman now, before she could delve any deeper into Tansy's past, but she was sceptical if she had the energy or the magical reserves to do it.

'Would you be prepared to attend a course of CBT?' Tansy shook her head firmly. To her surprise, she felt her eyes filling with tears.

'Miss Young?' She felt the doctor pressing a tissue into her hand and shook herself mentally, trying to pull herself together; she was always so close to tears these days. 'I understand that talking about this issue is hard for you but a referral to a specialist might be of great help. Do you know what caused this problem in the first place?' Tansy shook her head again but then changed it to a nod. She looked down at the baby's head and took a deep breath.

'I… I don't want therapy, Doctor Thomas, please… I just need to sleep.' Tansy's whisper seemed loud in the silent room. 'I don't want to talk about it.' When she looked up, the doctor was looking at her with compassion.

'Can you at least tell me what caused the problem?' Tansy took another deep, steadying breath and then bit down on her lip so hard she tasted blood.

'I… I was…' The words stuttered to a halt and she felt more tears springing to her eyes. 'I was…' It was no good; the harder she tried, the harder it became. 'I… I can't…' Suddenly her mind flitted back to a conversation with Minerva McGonagall all those months ago.

'Do you remember that it helped? Talking about what had happened to you helped you to accept it and move on. Together we beat the darkness and the fog and you started to get better.'

Tansy wondered if it really was that easy; perhaps if she could tell this woman everything that had happened to her then she'd get better.

'I… I was… I was abused… by my foster parent.' The words tasted bitter and final. Doctor Thomas was looking at her with sympathy. 'It got better when I went away to school but last… last January I was…' She looked down at Hope and tried to draw courage from her daughter.

'Last January I was… assaulted… I…' It was too hard and the tears were now coming thick and fast.

'I understand, Miss Young,' there was a pause, 'just to clarify, you fell pregnant after the assault last January?' Tansy nodded and looked down at the baby in her arms; sometimes she couldn't believe how much her life had changed in the past year .

'And you had the baby,' the doctor consulted her notes, 'at the start of August?' Tansy nodded again.

'I had her early… thirty weeks. I was ill…' The words were nearly incomprehensible and the doctor was tapping away at the computer so Tansy couldn't be sure that she had been heard.

'None of this is on your file, Miss Young.' A small crease appeared between the doctor's eyebrows as she spoke. 'After your last visit, I requested your medical history files from your previous surgery but they appear to be missing.' The frown deepened and Tansy could tell that they were treading on thin ice. 'The NHS number you submitted is also incorrect. Do you have it written down anywhere?' Tansy shook her head wearily and started to slip her wand out of her sleeve. There was nothing else for it; she was going to have to confund the doctor.

'Well, I wouldn't expect you to know it by heart. Please try and find the relevant documents before your next appointment. Meanwhile, I will request another search for your files. Things do go missing in transit more frequently than is preferable.' Tansy relaxed slightly but then tensed again immediately as the doctor continued.

'The baby doesn't appear to be registered here, either. Have you registered her with another practice?' Tansy shook her head again.

'Do you live by yourself, Miss Young? Do you have a support network of people to help you?' Tansy briefly considered lying but then shook her head. The doctor nodded and started tapping on her keyboard again. She was asking way too many questions.

'I would like to register the baby here today. Can you give me her name please? I would also like to refer you for a course of CBT. There is a specialist on site here who is very good. I also have to contact social services. You are extremely young and vulnerable and…' Tansy stood up suddenly – it was the mention of social services that had tipped her over the edge. This was too much; she was getting in too deep. All she needed was a prescription for sleeping tablets. Merlin, she could've robbed a chemist again, as she had the previous year when she'd been on the run with her friends, except that she knew that they would be on the lookout for someone doing just that.

'It's okay, Miss Young…' Doctor Thomas stood up too and laid a restraining hand on Tansy's arm, as if she was afraid that Tansy would run, but it was too late; Tansy had already slipped the ebony wand to the tips of her fingers.

'Confundo!' The non-verbal spell hit the doctor in the centre of her forehead and her eyes fogged slightly.

'What was I saying? Oh yes… here is your prescription, Miss Young. I've put the meds on repeat so you can request it as often as you need it for six months. After that you'll need an appointment.' The doctor frowned down at the green slip in her hand, as if suddenly wondering why she had put such a strong sleeping tablet on an unlimited repeat but Tansy's spell still seemed to be affecting her thinking processes and she shrugged.

Tansy nodded her thanks, and took the green slip from the doctor's hand. The effort of casting the spell had made her feel dizzy. Added to this, baby Hope had woken up and she was wriggling in a way that told Tansy her nappy was full and uncomfortable. Soon her whimpers would progress to full blown cries.

'Are you feeling okay, Miss Young? You've gone slightly pale.' Tansy swayed slightly but nodded resolutely, causing the doctor to look sceptically at her.

'I… the baby needs changing.' Tansy changed the subject.

'There are baby changing facilities just down the corridor.' The doctor smiled down at the baby and reached out a hand to stroke her cheek. Although Tansy knew that it was ridiculous, she had to lock her knees in place to stop herself from drawing away. 'She's beautiful, what's her name?'

'Faith.' Tansy whispered, plucking the rather pious sounding name from thin air and the doctor handed Tansy the changing bag and then nodded her out of the consultation room.

'Merry Christmas, Miss Young.'

'Merry C- Christmas.' Tansy stuttered over the reply.

The door swung shut behind her and she quickly glanced at the digital clock on the wall at the end of the corridor which showed the time, date, outside temperature and the moon phase. It was the twenty-third of December. A wave of longing swept over her as she thought about Christmas at the Burrow with her friends and the Weasleys. In her minds eye she saw them all sat around the table, plates piled high with Mrs Weasley's delicious cooking. Then, the vision soured as she saw the empty chair between Fred and Ron.

'The facilities are just down there, Miss Young.' Tansy jumped horribly, coming back to reality with a bump; the door had opened behind her and Doctor Thomas had appeared, her arms full of files.

Tansy found the door to the baby facilities and quickly entered the room beyond, gratefully locking the door behind her. She leaned against the locked door, closing her eyes and counting slowly back from ten to calm her racing heart. Then she unslung Hope from her front and placed her gently on the elevated changing table and started to peel off the outer layers of winter clothing. She wrinkled her nose at the smell.

'What a mess,' Tansy crooned softly. Hope kicked her legs excitedly as Tansy freed them from the winter snow-suit and Tansy saw the tale-tale yellow stain on the legs of her Babygro that foretold another nappy blowout. She sighed and leaned down to kiss her daughter's head before quickly and expertly starting the clean-up.

'There we go, all done.' Tansy checked that the baby wasn't going to wriggle off the table then turned to the sink to wash her hands. She did a double take when she saw her reflection in the mirror; the girl that stared back had tired brown eyes; half hidden behind thick rimmed spectacles. Her auburn hair hung poker straight to her chin and her nose was covered with a smattering of freckles. The transfigurations that she had cast on the day that she had run were still holding fast and that was a good thing; Tansy knew that she didn't have the magic ability to recast them if they failed.

'Come on let's go home Hope.' She turned back to her daughter and scooped her up into the sling.

The next chapter! Slightly shorter than usual but it's a good place to stop. Hope you enjoy.

Thanks for my reviews.