Trigger warning

Fred's POV

With a sigh of relief, Fred saw the impenetrable light shield that Tansy was projecting around her shudder and go out.

'That's it, Tansy.' Fred moved forwards at the same time as both Healer Knits and Healer Douglas.

'I don't think so Mr Weasley.' Red hot anger flashed through him as Healer Stone pulled him back. On the floor, Tansy tensed and cringed away and the air around her shuddered slightly.

'Stop it Mikala; let him stay.' Healer Knits snapped, without taking her eyes from Tansy. She lowered her voice. 'It's okay Miss Laverstock, I'm going to extend your arm so we can see what you've done.'

Tansy didn't even seem to notice as the Healer knelt beside her and gently extended her arm to better inspect the wounds. Healer Knits's face betrayed no hint of emotion as she looked at the injury but Fred, himself, stifled a sob and he dropped to his knees beside Tansy, unable to tear his eyes away from the damage she'd inflicted on herself. There was now so much blood that he could barely make out the severity of the wounds. Beside him, he heard a low intake of breath from Healer Douglas.

'HIT Blythe, get me blood replenishing potion lot fifty-nine and two vials of AA208.' He ordered. 'Healer Stone, don't just stand there watching - resuscitate HIT Williams.' He turned back to Healer Knits and knelt beside her.

'We're going to heal your wounds, Miss Laverstock,' Healer Knits said softly, clearly trying not to startle Tansy. Her hand slipped under Tansy's wrist so she could support it. 'Ready Douglas? On the count of three. One, two, three.'

They both directed their wands in unison at Tansy's arm. A pale pink light started to issue from both wands, joining together and then disappearing into the wounds which started to glow slightly as the edges started to fuse together.

'There you go Healer in Training Williams, get up slowly now.' Healer Stone said loudly from nearby. Tansy blinked and then suddenly pulled her arm away and cradled it against her chest. Fred heard Healer Douglas mumble a swear word under his breath as the combined spell fizzled away.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock…' Healer Knits began, trying to pull the young witch's arm towards her again. Tansy cringed away and shook her head.

'Tansy,' Fred began, leaning over her protectively. 'They're trying to help you. You need to let them help.' Gently he pulled her arm out again, almost gagging as he felt her blood on his own skin. Tansy let him manipulate her arm and she leaned her head against his shoulder. When he looked down at her, he saw that her eyes were blurred and unfocused and she no longer seemed to have any idea what was happening.

'Thank you, Mr Weasley. On the count of three again Douglas.' The Healers renewed their efforts and, gradually, the wounds started to scab over.

Suddenly a piercing noise filled the small room. It was a different alarm from the one before, louder and more urgent. Instantly, everything changed.

'Fuck, she's crashing.'

With one movement Healer Knits and Healer Douglas pulled Tansy out of Fred's arms and laid her flat on the floor. The newly resuscitated HIT grasped Fred's arm and pulled him to his feet and into a corner, away from the medical emergency. Fred watched with a gnawing terror as Healer Knits pointed her wand at Tansy and sent a burst of orange light at her. It seemed to disappear into Tansy's chest whilst the band of light remained attached to the Healer's wand, binding the girl to the Healer's magic. Simultaneously, Healer Douglas pinched Tansy's nose with one hand and started crooning the breathing spell, his wand pointed at her mouth.

A long time seemed to pass although in reality Fred didn't know if it was seconds, minutes or even hours – he was staring at the two Healers as they worked feverishly over Tansy's body, completely unable to tear his eyes away. The spells seemed to be taking an effort to maintain and both Healer Douglas and Healer Knits had perspiration standing out on their foreheads. When HIT Blythe returned with the potions, neither of them looked up.

'She crashed,' HIT Blythe said faintly, stopping in the doorway, his hands full of potion bags.

'Set up… a… potion drip… please, BRP… first…' Healer Knits said, through gritted teeth. The HIT hesitated and then followed the order, his hands fumbling clumsily with the potion bags.

Another indefinite period of time passed and then the alarm quietened suddenly, leaving an echoing silence in its wake. Both of the Healers sat back with sighs of relief.

'She's stable. That was too close.' Healer Douglas said, wiping his face with the sleeve of his robes. He then looked down at himself, seemingly surprised when he realised that he wasn't wearing his green scrubs – apparently neither he nor Healer Knits had had a chance to change before the alarms had summoned them to Tansy's room.

Healer Knits seemed too exhausted to move. After several long seconds, during which she simply stared at Tansy's naked body, she finally looked up.

'Thank you, Mr Weasley,' her voice was sincere. 'Without you, we would probably have been too late.' She let HIT Williams help her to her feet and then she used her wand to levitate Tansy over to the bed.

'I'll see to her,' Healer Douglas said, moving forwards. 'There's no need to exhaust yourself Aspen; that spell really takes it out of you, I know.' He used his wand to conjure some bandages out of thin air and then directed them to wrap themselves around Tansy's wrist. Then, with another flick, he dressed her in pajamas and covered her with a blanket. He then checked the potion drip and nodded approvingly at HIT Blythe.

'That was too close. We nearly lost her, Duncan.' Healer Knits said soberly, moving over to the bed. She waved her wand over Tansy again, as if to reassure herself that the young witch was okay. Then, her face grim, she turned to Healer Stone, who had been watching proceedings from over by the door. Fred moved quietly over to the bed and stoked Tansy's hair out of her face, reassured to feel her warm breath on his fingers. He realised that the Healers had forgotten him for the time being.

'What happened? From the start.'

'Miss Laverstock overreacted to a totally normal procedure. I was checking her over in case she had self-injured as protocol dictates. When I asked her to remove her clothes she refused, so naturally I assumed that she had hurt herself in some way. So I made the choice to see where her injuries were so I could administer first aid.' Fred felt his anger starting to simmer at Healer Stone's obnoxious, nasal tone and her complacency. For the first time, he was starting to understand what had happened and why Tansy had been naked.

'Mikala, did you read Miss Laverstock's file?' Healer Knits asked, her voice like ice. 'If you had, you would've realised just why vanishing her clothes was the worst possible thing you could've done under the circumstances.'

'I…'

'That was extremely badly handled, Mikala.' Healer Douglas said, shaking his head, his expression as grim as Healer Knits's.

'I don't think it was – I was clearly right; the girl was self-harming. She needed medical attention! Look at her wrist!' Healer Stone protested.

'She self-harmed after you vanished her clothes.' Healer in Training Blythe said, his voice low but distinctive – he looked nervous about speaking out against one of his superiors but there was also resolve and determination in his expression. 'She didn't seem to know where she was. I think she was hallucinating or having a flashback. She grabbed the scalpel and seemed to be trying to defend herself but when Healer Stone approached, she turned it on herself instead.'

Fred couldn't contain it any longer – his anger, which had been simmering beneath the surface for some time was now rising in a wild, unstoppable force. Healer Knits turned to him, hearing his sharp intake of breath. She looked surprised to see him there.

'Mr Weasley! Take a deep breath. Mikala, watch out…' Her voice turned sharp as Fred, now completely unable to control himself advanced on Healer Stone with his fists raised. 'Mr Weasley, calm down or I will stun you.' The red mist was blinding him but her words seemed to hit some nerve deep inside Fred's mind. He stopped. With a force of will he hadn't known that he possessed he dropped his fists to his sides and concentrated on breathing deeply.

'Good work, Mr Weasley,' Healer Douglas was by his side in an instant and Healer Knits was in front of him, blocking his view of Healer Stone. He felt her take him by the arm.

'Miss Laverstock will be okay now. Let's get you out of here. I promise that you can see her again later.' Healer Knits said. She then turned to her colleges. 'Thank you for your help, Duncan. Mikala I want to see you in my office before you go home. You two as well,' she added, turning to the two HIT's who exchanged petrified looks with one another.

Then she led Fred from the room.

Tansy's POV

Unconsciousness was not the same as true sleep and when Tansy woke, she had absolutely no idea where she was. She looked wildly around her, convinced that she was back in the dungeon again and it took a few seconds before she recognised her small bedroom in St Mungo's. She was lying on the bed, with no recollection of having got there. Slightly alarmed, she tried to sit up, then realised that her head was spinning and she felt horribly lightheaded.

'Miss Laverstock, you're awake at last.' Tansy turned her head on the pillow as the jovial tones of Healer Douglas echoed through the small room. He took one look at her expression and hastened to reassure her. 'It's okay, don't panic.' He approached the bed slowly, coming to a halt several meters away.

'Let's sit you up. Is it okay if I help you?' He asked carefully, waiting for her to nod before he closed the distance. As he pulled her into a sitting position, Tansy felt her stomach flip over.

'Here.' With an expert manoeuvre, drawn from years of practice, Healer Douglas conjured a bowl from mid-air and put it under Tansy's chin as she retched, shuddering as the bitter taste of bile filled her mouth. 'You went green.' He informed her cheerfully, after it was over. He vanished the bowl with another flick of his wand and then handed Tansy a damp cloth for her mouth. Tansy grimaced as she felt her stomach contracting again, almost turning itself inside out in its efforts to empty itself.

'I bet that tastes vile, huh?' Healer Douglas said, handing her a peppermint. Tansy nodded thankfully and popped it into her mouth. It helped to settle her stomach slightly.

Recollection was starting to trickle back now that she was fully awake and no longer feeling quite so nauseous. Tansy dropped her eyes to her arm and winced as her eyes caught sight of the thick, white bandage on her left wrist. She felt herself starting to tremble. She realised that she felt awful; it wasn't just the nausea or the fact that she was dizzy and weak from loss of blood but also the pit of anxiety in her stomach. It hadn't been this bad for a very very long time.

'You need to talk to someone, Miss Laverstock,' Healer Douglas said seriously. 'I'm going to get you a potion to help settle your stomach and then I'm going to inform Healer Knits that you're awake. Unless you'd prefer to speak to me of course?' When Tansy made no move to acknowledge his words, he smiled cheerily at her, showing her that he wasn't offended.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock. I understand that you find it hard to talk to people that you don't know. I'm sure that Healer Knits will be in as soon as she's free – she's with another patient right now. I'll just get you that potion.'

The potion made Tansy's head feel much less rocky but it also produced a clarity of thought that came with a wave of both confusion and shame as she realised fully what she had done. Tansy kicked off her blankets and drew her knees up into her chest and tried to calm herself by thinking of baby Hope. The anxiety bubbled inside her, irrepressible and she wiped a stray tear from her face and dropped her head to her knees. She remembered how Malfoy had cornered her. How he'd advanced on her, his wand outstretched, his hand swiftly unbuttoning his robes. It was almost impossible to convince herself that she'd been having a flashback and that he hadn't been in the room with her.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock.' Healer Douglas said, clearly concerned by her rapid breathing. He approached the bed again. 'Deep breaths. I want to avoid giving you a potion if I can help it. Ah, Aspen, you're here, excellent timing.'

'I'm sorry I took so long.' Tansy looked up at the sound of Healer Knits's voice and saw her exchanging a meaningful look with Healer Douglas. Then she dropped her face back to her knees because she couldn't be bothered summoning the curiosity to care.

'Miss Laverstock?' Healer Knits asked gently, coming over to the bed and sitting down in the chair as Healer Douglas left the room. Tansy turned her head briefly and met her eyes. 'I won't ask how you're feeling as I know it must be pretty awful. Later on, when we've talked, I'll get you a potion to help. We need to talk first though.' Tansy nodded but didn't speak because the panic inside her was making it impossible for her to even conceive of words right now.

'I know what happened, Miss Laverstock. I've spoken to the HITs and they told me everything.' Tansy felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. 'Can you look at me, Miss Laverstock?' Tansy turned her head again, meeting the Healer's eyes. 'I'm sorry that a member of our team treated you like that. I'm sorry that she made you feel like that.' The Healer said simply. Another tear escaped and rolled down Tansy's face, tickling her cheek and Healer Knits pressed a tissue into her hand.

'I will be filing a formal complaint against her. She won't work on this ward again, Miss Laverstock. She will probably be asked to leave St Mungo's although unfortunately that decision doesn't rest with me.' Tansy drew in a deep, shuddering breath and raised her head slightly, acknowledging the Healer's words.

'I can see that you're currently in a lot of pain, Miss Laverstock. It might help if you talk to me.' Healer Knits said softly. When Tansy didn't respond, simply stared at her, she continued. 'Can you tell me what made you want to hurt yourself?'

Tansy lowered her face to her knees again and drew in a deep breath. She couldn't believe that they were back here again, not now when she'd been trying so hard to get well.

'I know it's hard, Miss Laverstock but can you try to talk to me?' When Tansy still didn't respond, the Healer sighed. 'When you hurt yourself, were you trying to take your own life, Miss Laverstock?' There was another long silence and then, slowly, Tansy nodded.

'Okay, Miss Laverstock. Thank you for telling me that. I'm sorry you felt that bad.' There was no judgement in Healer Knits's voice. 'Do you know what made you feel that way?' Once again, she waited for Tansy to answer. The silence stretched for a long time.

'He was going to… to hurt me again…' Tansy spoke the words into her knees, her voice almost inaudible.

'Who was going to hurt you?' Tansy looked up and met the Healer's eyes.

'Mr…' She couldn't say his name. 'I… I saw him… I went back there…' She shuddered and then quickly looked around the room, just to make sure that he wasn't there with her. Then she looked over at the door, which was shut. She wanted to get out of bed and check that the bathroom was empty too but she knew that her legs would probably give way if she stood up.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock, he's not here; no one is going to hurt you.'

'Are you sure? What about the bathroom?' The words escaped before she could stop them, before Tansy realised how paranoid they sounded.

'He's not here, Miss Laverstock. I'll check the bathroom if you want.' Tansy wondered why this woman was playing along with her paranoia but she let her check the bathroom nonetheless. When she returned, she sat down on the chair and looked Tansy in the eyes.

'There's no one in the bathroom. You are safe, I promise. You were having a flashback.' Healer Knits said gently. 'Can you try to tell me about it?' There was a long pause during which Tansy summoned the courage to speak.

'He… he… it was the day after I… they took me to the manor… my mother… Lestrange… she… she tortured me… I… I don't remember anything else until… until I woke up in the dark…' Tansy didn't know where the words were coming from; she'd never spoken to anyone about what had happened to her at the manor, not even to Minerva. 'Mr Malfoy…' The name made her feel suddenly nauseous again in spite of the potion that Healer Douglas had given her and she clenched her stomach muscles and took a few deep breaths. 'He came in… I knew what was… what he would do… he…' Another tear escaped from her eye and ran down her cheek. '…he did it to me before. He used his wand… made my clothes vanish… then he…' Tansy gasped suddenly and cringed against the headboard of the bed, drawing her knees even tighter into her stomach. Once again, her eyes circled the room of their own accord, looking for him.

'Go on, Miss Laverstock. He's not here. He's locked up in Azkaban prison. You're perfectly safe.'

'I can't…' But Tansy suddenly found that she could. She drew in a deep, shaky breath. 'He raped me.' The words tasted bitter on her tongue. 'Earlier… earlier when Healer Stone… made my clothes disappear… I went back there…' She glanced around the room again, just to make sure they were alone. 'I wanted to stop him… him hurting me again… but… but I knew I wasn't strong enough… so I…' Tansy dropped her eyes to her wrist; she had held herself together quite well up until this point but she suddenly lost the battle and started to cry.

'I… thought that I'd rather die than let him… let him rape me again. I'm sorry…' She felt the Healer taking both of her hands in hers. 'I was... it was wrong... I don't want to die! I want... want to... get better for... for Hope...' The words were incoherent but too important not to say.

'Look at me, Miss Laverstock.' Healer Knits waited until the young witch raised her eyes. 'You've done so well, telling me this today. I understand why you tried to hurt yourself. You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm sorry that Healer Stone's actions caused you to have a flashback.' The bittersweet realisation that she was finally fully understood made Tansy feel weak with relief.

'I… I don't want to talk… anymore… today…' She sobbed; her crying hand now reached the point of hysteria. Through a veil of tears, she saw Healer Knits nodding understandingly.

'It's okay, Miss Laverstock. No more today.'

'Here Aspen,' Healer Douglas had returned with a calming draft and both the Healers watched approvingly as Tansy drank it down without any resistance.

'Excellent,' Healer Douglas said cheerily, 'you'll feel better again in no time.' They both watched her expectantly for several minutes until her sobs had reduced to mere hiccups and her tears had stopped.

'Excellent,' Healer Douglas said again. 'Now, dinner has just been delivered to the ward. do you want some?' Tansy analysed the state of her stomach and shook her head; she knew that she was still far too wound up to be able to eat. Her stomach felt full of butterflies and, even after the various potions she'd consumed in the last hour, the thought of food made her feel sick. Healer Douglas's face fell slightly and he exchanged a look with Healer Knits.

'Are you sure, Miss Laverstock; you've barely eaten for days.' Tansy looked at him levelly.

'I… I'm not hungry…' Although it was the first time that she'd spoken in his presence, he masked his shock very well.

'Are you sure?' He asked again. 'Can we try something plain perhaps? You need sustenance.'

'I'm… I'm too… it'll make me sick.' Tansy said, incoherently; she suddenly felt exhausted and the effort of explaining herself was daunting.

'Why will it make you sick?' Healer Knits asked quietly.

'When… when I feel like this… I can't eat… I'm always sick… I don't want to be sick again.' Tansy shuddered as she recalled the taste of bile.

'Okay, I understand, Miss Laverstock.'

Healer Knits withdrew her wand and waved it over Tansy. She exchanged another look with Healer Douglas. Then she turned to Tansy.

'Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest with you. You are dangerously underweight. Your blood pressure is very low and your heart is working too hard. If you don't get some nutrition into you soon then you're going to collapse.' Tansy stared at her, for once appreciating the honesty of the other woman's words.

'Anxiety is making your insides feel all churned up, Miss Laverstock,' Healer Douglas put in. 'The problem is that it is also masking your body's normal senses of hunger. It's making you reject the idea of food.'

Tansy closed her eyes for a few seconds and concentrated on calming herself. Then she opened them and spoke in a voice so quiet the two Healers barely heard her.

'Then put me on a tube feed. I want to get well. I don't want to collapse.'

Hi all, no more updates for a few weeks but I'll be back soon! Thanks for all my reviews so far. To everyone who is concerned about 'my Healer Stone' – it was a very long time ago and I am okay now although writing these chapters set in hospital is strangely triggering, hence the small break! Plus I'm going on holiday!