Trigger warning for this chapter (although it might be me being over cautious).

Tansy and Healer Knits had been struggling for nearly an hour to make any progress. Healer Knits was unfailingly patient and kind but Tansy was struggling with even the simplest instructions - she was completely exhausted; since her Legilimency session with Snape on Monday night she had been struggling against an almost irrepressible tide of brain fog. Tansy was fully aware that she was sinking fast and that her methods of controlling the fog attack were certainly not normal or healthy but she was just too tired to care. She struggled to remain present in the room, then jerked upwards as she felt Healer Knits's hand on her knee; the other woman was leaning forward in her chair and saying something. Tansy shook her head violently and dug her fingernails into the back of her hand and the pain helped her to focus.

'…you seem very distracted today. We haven't really made any progress and the session's almost over. Is there anything the matter? Anything you'd like to discuss with me?' The Healer's words finally reached her. Tansy dug her left thumbnail into the back of her right hand. The anxiety that seemed to be circulating through her body was making it hard for her to focus on words right now although she knew that Healer Knits was expecting an answer. There was a long silence.

'I… I started… started… Legilimency with… Professor Snape…' Healer Knits's mouth turned down and Tansy suddenly wondered if she'd said the wrong thing.

'Why is that, Miss Laverstock?'

'Because… because I need to remember.' Tansy suddenly felt even more exhausted than before as her words reminded her of the uphill struggle in front of them; they had only had one session and she was already slipping.

'What do you need to remember?' Healer Knits asked. Tansy saw the Healer's eyes dropping to Tansy's hands before they flicked back up to her face.

'I need… I need to find what… what happened… what I did to George…' Tears pricked at her eyes and she felt her heart starting to gallop in her chest. 'To clear his name so they can prove he was Imperiused… and for my… my trial next month.'

As she stumbled through the sentence, shame flooded through her as she realised that she wanted desperately to give up even though they'd only had one session. Then she remembered what it had felt like to have Professor Snape sifting through her mind and she shuddered as anxiety flooded through her again. The memories that he had found pressed close and Tansy raked her fingernails over the back of her hand, trying to distract herself.

'Okay, Miss Laverstock, I can imagine that that must be very difficult for you?' Healer Knits asked softly, reaching forwards and prising Tansy's hands away from each other. Tansy nodded numbly.

'It's… it's hard to… the memories he found…' She tried to explain but then gave up as the words came out jumbled around each other.

'Can you tell me about them?' Tansy twisted her hands free from Healer Knits's restraining grasp and pushed them down to her sides. Pressing her arms with a bruising force against the side of the chair, she drew in a deep breath and opened her mouth. Panic suddenly flooded through her and she jolted back into the chair, her mouth snapping shut. She shook her head.

'No! No! No!'

'Okay, Miss Laverstock, okay. You don't have to. Take a deep breath.' Healer Knits said quietly, leaning forwards again.

'Not today… I'll try again… I promise… I'm sorry…' Tansy mumbled, trying to keep her breathing even.

'It's okay, you don't have to talk about it today if you don't want to. We can try again in our next session.' Healer Knits said reassuringly. 'You're finding it hard to focus and your mind isn't clear.' Neither of these statements were questions and Tansy nodded gratefully.

'The… the fog is winning… I can't fight the memories.' Tansy said, incoherently.

'Miss Laverstock, conversely to what I have just said, it might help if you did try to talk about the memories instead of repressing them and keeping them bottled up inside you.'

'I… I will… I promise that I'll try… not today… I'll try again… I'm sorry…' Tansy almost begged. She wanted this session to be over; she needed to be alone so she could fight the incoming tide of fog and anxiety by herself.

'It's okay, I understand,' Healer Knits said softly. She looked at Tansy, her concerned eyes taking in everything. 'I'm not going to pretend that I am not concerned that this is causing you to relapse again, Miss Laverstock. I'm also going to speak to Minerva when she gets back from class.' She paused, then she looked pointedly down at Tansy's hands. 'Before we finish, can I put something on your hands? They look sore and I'm afraid that they might get infected.' Tansy jolted herself back to the present and looked down at her hands too, shocked to see that she had started scratching again and they were bleeding quite badly.

Stupid stupid. She chastised herself, worried what Healer Knits would think. I can't let her see me like this. She might guess.

'Miss Laverstock, can I put something on your hands?' Healer Knits repeated, looking worriedly at Tansy. Tansy nodded and watched as the other woman reached into her bag and withdrew a pot of cream. She spread a thick yellow paste that smelt of tangy oranges onto Tansy's hands. Immediately the stinging pain dulled slightly. The fog inched closer. The anxiety swelled.

'Miss Laverstock? Are you in need of any other medical attention?' Tansy shook her head quickly. The Healer looked carefully at Tansy as if x-raying her. There was a long pause then the door opened and Minerva McGonagall walked in.

'Ah, Healer Knits, I'm glad I caught you.' Minerva said. Then she turned to her daughter and smiled a greeting.

'Hello, Minerva, I would like to speak to you too, oh are you going Miss Laverstock?' Tansy had stood up abruptly, taking both Minerva and Healer Knits by surprise.

'I… I need the bathroom.' Tansy lied, almost running over to the door. When she reached it, she remembered to turn and stammer a thank you to the Healer. Healer Knits nodded and smiled at Tansy as she wished her a good afternoon, but her expression was uneasy.

Minerva's POV

'How did she do?' Minerva asked, as soon as Tansy was out of earshot. She turned to Healer Knits and was surprised to see that the other woman was shaking her head, her expression troubled.

'She's not doing so well today, Minerva.' Healer Knits said, her voice sober. She looked Minerva in the eyes. 'I'm actually quite concerned about her. She told me about the Legilimency sessions with Professor Snape and I'm afraid that they may have caused her to relapse some.'

'She seemed to cope with the session on Monday better than we anticipated but I know that she's quite foggy today,' Minerva said, swallowing down a thrill of apprehension at the other woman's words. 'I tried to get her to talk to me yesterday but she wasn't in the right frame of mind.'

'With all due respect Minerva, I'm not quite sure what you anticipated.' Minerva shrugged; she didn't really know herself what she had meant by those words. 'Miss Laverstock is my patient and I am worried that revisiting the trauma has already caused the progress of her recovery to stall. I'm unsure why putting her through this is necessary; her trial is more of a formality than anything and finding the truth will not help poor Mr Weasley now even if it will give some closure to his family.'

'I agree,' Minerva sighed, suddenly feeling every one of her many years. 'Even so, we have been informed that the Wizengamot require her to give evidence in court. You know as well as I do that it would be impossible for her to even be in a full courtroom let alone survive a cross examination with everyone looking at her.' Minerva felt torn; on one hand she agreed totally with what the other woman was telling her but on the other, she knew that if Severus found enough evidence to show the court, then Tansy might not even have to attend the trial. Minerva wanted to spare her that ordeal if she possibly could.

'I hear you Minerva but I'm still uneasy about this.' Healer Knits said doubtfully. 'I suggest that we see how it goes but I hope that if I advise you to halt the sessions then you will listen to my advice.' Minerva nodded, wondering if there was any 'right' answer to this dilemma because it seemed to her that saving Tansy pain now would only cause her more agony in the future.

'Of course, Healer Knits.'

'I would also like to up her sessions to four times a week, just as a precaution. I'll see her again on Friday morning.' Healer Knits glanced at her watch and then stood up swiftly. 'I'm running late, I'd better dash.' She shook Minerva's hand and then left the room at top speed.

Tansy's POV

Tansy and Fred were walking in silence, hand in hand, through the frozen orchard. Tansy was preoccupied with her own all-consuming thoughts and it took a huge amount of effort for her to drag herself back to the present. She glanced at Fred, alarmed and then ashamed at herself for not noticing his expression before because he looked drawn and defeated. A wave of self-hatred swelled through her and she chastised herself silently for being self-centred and not noticing how upset he was even though they'd been walking for more than a quarter of an hour. She bit her lip and forced her own problems to the back of her mind.

'Is everything okay, Fred?

She squeezed his hand and, as he turned to face her, she saw that his eyes were slightly unfocussed as if he too was preoccupied with something else, beyond their current situation. He nodded but then changed the nod to a head shake. Then he shrugged and looked over to where Healer Douglas was reading a copy of the Weekend Prophet in a transparent warming bubble over by the woodshed.

'Not really.' His voice caught slightly and Tansy automatically closed the distance between them and pulled him into a hug. He felt stiff and wooden in her arms and it was so strange to be this close to him that she almost pulled away again. Then his arms tightened around her and he started returning her hug.

'I nearly got my weekend privileges revoked.' Fred admitted, finally pulling away.

'What happened?' Tansy bit her lip – she had wondered why Healer Douglas was supervising Fred's visit home because last weekend he had been allowed home without a chaperone. 'You… you don't have to talk about it if you… if you don't want to.'

'No, I do want to talk about it Tan.' Fred sighed and looked down at her. Then he started to walk again. 'I… my therapy is getting… it's getting harder… I suppose that before now I was just so out of it that I never really noticed how hard it was. Now I'm doing it properly it's really…' His voice broke and Tansy felt her heart clenching with pity for him '…it's just really hard. On Wednesday things just got too much and I lost it. I…' Fred looked down at his right hand and clenched and unclenched his fist a few times. 'It's hard to say it out loud.'

'What is it, Fred? What happened?' Tansy asked, stopping walking and pulling him round to face her again.

'I know… I know you'll understand Tan.' Tansy nodded and waited for him to continue. 'I… I hit a wall again and I broke my hand… I broke three bones in my hand.' Tansy felt her stomach flipping at his words. She looked down at his hand in surprise, resisting the urge to take it and check that everything was working properly.

'It's okay...' she began, but then trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

'I know it's stupid but I just needed the release and it… it felt good.' Fred's voice was small.

'Sometimes it feels good to have a physical pain to focus on.' Tansy said softly, inadvertently pulling at her own sleeves. For half a heartbeat, she wanted to tell him everything but at the same time she couldn't bear the thought of anyone else knowing. 'It's okay, Fred, I understand.'

'It's stupid; I just wanted to keep hurting myself. There's so much… hurt inside me and I can't find any way of releasing it. The things they suggest don't always work.' Fred suddenly gasped and ran his fingers through his purple hair. 'I'm sorry… it's mad… you don't want to hear this.'

'Fred,' Tansy breathed, leaning in and hugging him again. 'It's not mad and I want you to talk to me about it.' For several seconds they stood in silence. 'Do you want to talk about what tipped you over the edge?'

Fred immediately shook his head and Tansy nodded understandingly; sometimes the Healers, Remus and her adoptive mother were right and talking helped but there were also times when it just served to make you feel the pain all over again. She wasn't going to force Fred to talk about what had tipped him so far over the edge that he had broken his own hand if he didn't want to.

'Anyway, that's why we got lumbered with Healer Douglas.' Fred nodded over to where Healer Douglas was happily humming to himself inside his transparent warming bubble and periodically checking on them over the top of his paper.

'He's okay, I like him almost as much as I like Healer Knits.' Tansy said quietly.

'He's the best. He offered to work overtime to escort me today even though it's his day off. I find Healer Knits a bit too formal at times. I like Healer Douglas better.'

'Each to his own,' Tansy said, smiling at him. 'I like her and she's been so kind to me. She's very perceptive though and I sometimes wonder if she can read my mind. Even when I don't tell her stuff she nearly always seems to just know about it. Minerva's the same.'

'How are you getting on with the outpatient sessions?' Fred asked, as they started to walk again – it was far too cold to stand still for any length of time.

'I had a bad session on Wednesday but the one on Friday was… was better. Healer Knits doesn't think that I should be doing the sessions with Snape. She told me on Friday that she thinks they'll hinder my recovery.' Tansy felt her arm being jerked violently backwards and realised suddenly that Fred had stopped walking abruptly and was staring at her.

'What sessions with Snape?' Something stirred in the pit of Tansy's stomach.

'The… the Legilimency sessions… to find the memory… of…' She couldn't say it out loud so she simply stared at him, willing him to understand.

'Of?'

'Of… of…' Tansy tried again but found that his name stuck in his throat.

'Tansy...?' Fred whispered and Tansy drew strength from her name.

'Of George,' the name prickled slightly and she swallowed the spike of anxiety and pain, willing herself to remain in control. '…of what happened when I… they want to prove that he was… that Bellatrix forced him.' She shook her head violently as her thoughts fogged over. 'I can't remember it. I can't find the memory.' Anger flooded Fred's face at her words.

'Why?' Fred's voice was cold and furious and Tansy took a step backwards, letting go of his hand.

'Snape… Snape thinks I've suppressed the memory because…' Tansy's voice broke '…because it was so painful… I'm sorry, Fred.' She finished, her voice tiny and brittle.

'No, I understand that,' Fred said, breathing loudly and steadily. His hands had clenched into fists by his sides as he struggled to remain in control. 'What I don't understand is why Snape is looking for the memory of George being forced to r- rape you? Why does he need it anyway?' His voice was getting louder, his breathing faster and more out of control.

'They c- couldn't prove he was cursed.' Tansy tried to keep her voice steady, trying to calm Fred's rising anger. 'The courts said… that he might've acted of his own free will. I…' She was struggling to keep herself calm and the rising panic was not helping. Tansy quickly grabbed at her arm with her opposite hand and squeezed tightly and the pain helped her to focus.

'I… can't remember by myself; I've blocked it out… Snape is… he's helping me find it.'

'THEY THINK HE DID IT BY HIMSELF? THAT HE WANTED TO RAPE YOU?' Tansy took a step back as Fred advanced but he grabbed a handful of her robes and yanked her forwards again. 'THEY THINK HE ACTED OF HIS OWN FREE WILL?' He took a step towards her, raising his other fist so that it trembled in the air in front of her face. Tansy heard a shout from Healer Douglas but her heart was beating loudly in her ears, drowning out his words and making it impossible for her to hear what he had said.

'THEY THINK HE ACTED OF HIS OWN FREE WILL? DO YOU THINK THAT TOO? IS THAT WHY YOU KILLED HIM?'

'Fred, I…' Tansy began. 'Fred, I'm sorry! I thought you knew… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… please let me go.' Fred let out a bellow of rage and swung at her. Tansy flinched but he diverted the blow away from her face at the last second.

'Mr Weasley! Calm down!' Healer Douglas was beside them, his hand on Fred's shoulder. 'Let her go now.' Fred gave another bellow of rage and shoved the Healer away from him with his free hand. Healer Douglas staggered backwards, lost his balance and fell over, his wand flying out of his hand.

'Fred…' Tansy whispered, just as Fred gave her a hard push away from him. She crashed to the frozen ground. As she stared up, aghast, Fred swung round in a full circle and planted his fist firmly into the trunk of an old gnarly apple tree. He hit it again and again, his rage completely consuming him. His bellows of rage became cries of pain. Tansy struggled awkwardly to her feet and reached for him but Healer Douglas got there first.

'Mr Weasley stop now.' The Healer sent a cushioning charm at the apple tree so that Fred wouldn't damage his hand any more. Fred finally shuddered to a halt, cradling his broken right hand in his left and breathing heavily. 'Good, Mr Weasley.' The Healer waved his wand and a potion bottle appeared out of thin air. 'Drink this, please. It's just a mild calming draft.' Fred's brown eyes filled with tears and he turned away, shaking his head.

'Stay back, I don't want it.' Fred warned the Healer. Suddenly, he dropped into a crouch, cradling his broken hand between his legs, and started crying properly, turning his head away as if he was ashamed of himself. Tansy moved forwards but Healer Douglas threw out his arm to stop her.

'Careful, Miss Laverstock.' Tansy ignored the warning and pushed passed.

'It's okay, Fred.' With shaking hands, she took the potion from Healer Douglas and uncorked it. Then she crouched next to Fred and held it up to his mouth. 'Please Fred. Drink this.'

'I'm sorry.' The words were muffled with sobs.

'It's okay. I'm sorry too. I thought that you knew. Drink it, please Fred…' Fred looked at her, misery etched in his eyes and across his face.

'I made you bleed.' Tansy looked down at herself and realised he was talking about a spot on her arm where a small red stain had appeared on the arm of her Weasley jumper. Her heart jumped a little but she summoned a calm smile to her lips and shook her head.

'That wasn't you, Fred; it's just an old scrape from my practical Defence class yesterday. I just banged it and opened it again when I fell.'

'When I pushed you.'

'Fred, it's nothing, honestly. I'll get your mum to bandage it when we go inside,' she lied. 'Please just take the potion; it'll make you feel better.'

'Okay.' Finally, he let her pour the potion into his mouth. She watched as his tears quietened slowly, waiting while the potion worked its magic. Then she stood up and gently pulled him up to.

'Let's go inside Fred, and Healer Douglas can sort out your hand.'

'No, I don't want him anywhere near me.'

'Okay,' Tansy said calmly, although inside she was feeling anything but. She glanced at Healer Douglas who nodded at her as if to tell her to continue. 'Can I look at it?'

She waited for him to nod before she gently extended his broken hand in front of him. She slid her wand out of her sleeve and then tapped it smartly, thinking the splinting charm – she could've mended it fully but it seemed silly to try a more advanced healing spell when Healer Douglas was standing right there and anyway, she wasn't sure if she had the brain focus to do it properly.

'Let's get out of the cold.' She suggested, please when Fred nodded and let her lead him towards the house.

They were halfway across the orchard when Fred spoke again.

'I'm so sorry Tansy, I lost it.' He reached for her, then yelped as the movement jolted his broken hand.

'It's okay. It's fine. Nothing happened. I'm not hurt.' Tansy turned to him stood on tiptoe. With a shaking hand, she pulled his head down and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Please let me know what you think!