Fred and Healer Douglas left for St Mungo's soon after and Tansy, who had barely been holding it together, immediately felt the fight go out of her. She sagged against the back of her chair and let the false smile that had been stretching her cheeks for the last thirty minutes slide away. She dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands, trying to keep the rising panic under control.

'It's okay dear, I know it's upsetting.' Mrs Weasley said gently, taking in Tansy's expression. She patted Tansy's shoulder gently. 'He's in the best possible place and he's getting better slowly. He really is better than he was.' Her eyes filled with tears and she bustled over to where baby Hope was sitting in a bouncer, happily sucking on the ears of a large pink rabbit, and picked her up. She sniffed at her nappy and then scrunched up her nose. 'I thought that I could smell something, Madam; you definitely need a clean nappy.' The baby wriggled in her arms, dropped the toy on the floor and immediately reached for her grandmother's vivid hair and Mrs Weasley smiled through her tears.

'Now, you mentioned earlier that you had some homework so why don't I look after Hope for a few hours for you? I'll just pop upstairs to change her.' Tansy nodded numbly and whispered a thank you as Mrs Weasley carried Hope out of the room.

As soon as she was alone, Tansy dropped her head to the table-top and took several deep, calming breaths, the way that Healer Knits had taught her. The pressure building inside her seemed to abate slightly and she carried on breathing evenly in and out for several minutes. However, she couldn't keep the intrusive thoughts at bay for long and a vision of Fred hitting his fist against the trunk of the apple tree swam to the forefront of her mind again, his fist pounding at the unforgiving wood again and again as the bones of his hand broke into tiny pieces. Nausea welled up in her throat and the pressure inside her seemed to redouble. Tansy knew what she wanted. She knew what she needed. She also knew that she couldn't give in to it, not again. Tansy whimpered and grabbed at her arm and squeezed it tightly. It wasn't enough. She needed Minerva. Minerva would help her to calm down.

Tansy staggered to her feet and stumbled over to the fireplace. She grabbed a handful of floo powder and threw it onto the flames as she stepped into the grate.

'Hogwarts!' The floo roared and the kitchen vanished in a flurry of green flames.

Tansy fell forwards out of the fireplace in the headmistress's office, landing on her hands and knees on the hearthrug. The office was empty, the room in semi darkness as the weak winter sun didn't seem to be able to penetrate through the thick layer of low clouds that seemed to wrap around the castle and the grounds. The lamps flickered and hissed to themselves as Tansy scrambled to her feet and ran across the office. They sprung into life just as she flung open the door and burst out onto the landing. She ran across the landing and pushed open the door to the flat, finding it cold and empty and in a state of semi-darkness. Trembling slightly, Tansy took a step towards Minerva's bedroom, then stopped because there was something niggling at her; Minerva wasn't there - she'd gone out, but Tansy couldn't remember where and the anxiety inside her was now so intense that she couldn't think properly. Tansy took a tiny step forward towards her bedroom – she knew what she wanted right now, what she needed to do to keep the rising anxiety and panic from sweeping over her head and drowning her.

The memory of Fred hitting the apple tree came to the forefront of her mind again and Tansy locked her knees again, preventing herself from moving towards the bedroom because if she went in there then she wouldn't be able to stop herself. She would not give in to this feeling again. Not today. Not trusting herself to remain in the flat for even a second longer, she turned on her heal and ran out of the room, panic and adrenaline flooding through her body as she sprinted down the stairs and out into the corridor beyond.

She didn't know how she did it. She couldn't remember the journey from the headmistress's tower to the hospital wing because the walls were now closing in and the air that rasped into her lungs seemed to be made of treacle. Gasping for breath, heart pounding in her ears, Tansy pushed open the door to the hospital wing and ran into the room.

'…and I suppose you thought that duelling each other in the corridor was a clever…' Severus Snape's sneering words came to an abrupt halt as Tansy careened through the door and skidded to a halt just inside the room. He was standing over two occupied beds containing two lower school boys, one a Gryffindor and one a Slytherin. The Slytherin was supporting a face that was completely covered with puss-filled green boils and the Gryffindor, currently being tended to by Madam Pomfrey, had blood gushing out of his nose, eyes and ears.

'Oh Miss Laverstock?' Madam Pomfrey looked up from trying to stop the flow of blood, took one look at Tansy's expression and seemed to guess that this was not a social call. 'Go through to my office, Miss Laverstock. I'll be in as soon as I have this under control.' She glanced down at the Gryffindor again whose nose had started to bleed more heavily as soon as she'd looked away. 'Severus, I can't leave him right now. Can you…?' She nodded towards Tansy, who was now hyperventilating so much that she was starting to feel light headed and was still standing frozen in the same spot.

Tansy felt as if she'd used every last bit of her remaining sanity to get here and now, she was unable to even issue the commands to her legs to walk the remaining few steps into the matron's office.

'Come on, Miss Laverstock.' She felt an arm go round her waist and then she was being led across the room and into Madam Pomfrey's small office. The door clicked shut behind them and Snape pushed her into a chair and then bent over her, his greasy hair dangling over her face. 'What's the matter?' Snape didn't wait for an answer – he seemed to have already made his own diagnosis. He straightened up and reached for something from the medicine cabinet beside them.

'Miss Laverstock, you're having a panic attack. Try to calm your breathing. You'll be alright in a minute. It will pass.' Tansy tried to focus on his words. Tried to follow his orders with little success.

'I can't… breathe…' She managed to gasp. Any second now, she was going to pass out.

'Okay,' Snape seemed to finally realise that Tansy was unable to get her breathing under control without help. 'Drink this, Miss Laverstock.' He pressed a bottle into her hands, then seeing that she was shaking too much to hold it steady, he held it up to her lips himself and helped her to drink it. Then he took a step back and stood there watching her carefully, his black eyes inscrutable as the potion began to take effect and Tansy's started to breathe more normally again.

'Thank you, Severus,' Madam Pomfrey had entered the office. Severus took another step back and Madam Pomfrey bent over Tansy, waving her wand in a complicated series of figures of eights and jabs.

'What happened?' She asked. Tansy felt herself flushing in shame. Now that the initial mind-numbing panic was abating, thanks to Snape's calming draft, the second stage of the panic attack was well on its way and she found herself fighting tears.

'I'm… I'm sorry… I knew… I wanted… I was panicking… I tried to find Minerva, er Professor McGonagall but she's…' Tansy gulped and a tear ran down her cheek. 'I'm sorry… I don't know… I didn't know where else to go… I didn't want to…' Tansy stuttered to a halt, catching herself. 'I'm sorry…'

'Miss Laverstock, please stop apologising, you did well to come to me. It was without a doubt the right thing to do.' Madam Pomfrey exchanged a look with Snape who nodded grimly.

'Asking for help is a good thing, Miss Laverstock,' he said softly. 'Minerva has gone to the Ministry this afternoon; do you want me to send her an owl?' Tansy shook her head. 'Are you hurt in any way?' When Tansy shook her head again, he looked at her with his characteristic unreadable expression and nodded once. 'Very well. I need to talk to those two students again before I leave.' He left the office, leaving Tansy and the matron alone.

'Tansy, it's okay, you can let it out. Stop fighting it.' Madam Pomfrey said softly, placing a gentle hand on Tansy's shoulder.

'I…' Tansy stopped fighting it and burst into tears.

Madam Pomfrey let her cry herself out before she spoke again.

'Can you tell me why you're so upset?' Tansy bit her lip but nodded resolutely, determined that today she was going to try their method; that she would try talking. Then, slowly and with many pauses she told the matron everything that had happened at the Burrow that morning.

The rest of the weekend passed slowly – Tansy spent most of Sunday in the Gryffindor eighth year common room with her friends. Relationships were still stilted between the boys and Hermione but at least they were being civil to each other and Tansy hoped that it was only a matter of time before they were back to normal. Hermione also seemed less stressed and she confided to Tansy that she was sleeping better at last and that she'd also stated a meditation course which she promised to introduce Tansy to once she'd mastered the basics. Tansy returned to the headmistress's quarters that evening for dinner feeling calmer and less anxious than she had since starting the Legilimency sessions with Snape.

Her sense of inner peace lasted precisely until they had finished their dinner and were putting Hope to bed.

'Tansy, I received a note from Professor Snape this afternoon reminding me that he had a prior commitment tomorrow evening and we need to reschedule your Legilimency session.' Tansy looked up from stroking her daughter's head – Hope was fast asleep and Tansy was stroking her hair for her own benefit rather than to sooth her. 'I'm sorry, he did tell me last week but I forgot to rearrange it. Anyway, he suggested this evening instead.'

'This evening…?' Tansy felt as though she'd been slammed in the stomach by an iron clad fist. She grabbed hold of the edge of Hope's crib in an effort to remain upright and stared at Minerva in horror. 'Why… why didn't… didn't you tell me before?'

'I thought it would be best if you had some dinner before I broached the topic.' Minerva said, raising her eyebrows slightly at Tansy's tone. She placed a gentle hand on Tansy's arm but Tansy shrugged it off again. 'I thought it would be better this way – if you didn't have to dread it for hours before.' Tansy nodded numbly, her stomach churning. She clenched her stomach muscles, fighting against the rising nausea. 'I'm sorry if I was wrong. I can inform Professor Snape that you'd rather we held it another time.'

'I…' Tansy swallowed, her mouth salivating ominously. 'I feel sick… I need an anti-sickness potion.'

'Okay Tansy, sit down here.' Minerva pushed Tansy onto the bed then quickly went into the bathroom. Tansy heard her opening the bathroom cabinet with a series of taps from her wand. Her medicines were still being heavily regulated and Tansy knew that her wand wouldn't work if she tried to replicate the pattern. She wrapped her arms around her torso and then bent almost double so that her forehead was on her knees.

'Tansy, drink this.' Tansy looked up and took the proffered bottle, downing the contents in one gulp. It worked instantly.

'Do you want me to reschedule?' Minerva asked softly, rubbing Tansy's back gently. Tansy dug her thumbnail into the back of her opposite hand and scraped slowly down and the stinging pain helped her to focus. She shook her head, resigned.

'Who's looking after Hope?'

'Mr Potter, I mean, Harry has offered.' There was a long silence.

'Tansy, I want to ask you something.' Minerva sat on the bed next to Tansy and took Tansy's hand in hers. Something wet touched her hand and Tansy looked down to see Minerva dabbing a cotton ball soaked in dittany against the new scrape. The stinging pain dulled slightly.

'I've noticed that you're scratching your hands a lot at the moment.' Minerva paused, as if trying to work out the best thing to say and Tansy was able to mutter an apology. 'Tansy, I know it's something you do subconsciously when you're anxious – you don't need to apologise.'

Not anymore. I do it on purpose now. The words swam through Tansy's brain but she didn't say them out loud.

'I'm sorry,' Tansy muttered again.

'I know you're having a hard time, Tansy,' Minerva said softly. 'Would you let me cut your nails?' Tansy grabbed her hand back.

'No…! Why…?'

'Tansy, you're using your nails to hurt yourself. They need to go to keep you safe.' Minerva's voice was gentle but firm.

'But I don't want you to cut them!'

'Everyday you have more scratches, Tansy. I don't want to argue with you over this.' Minerva said patiently.

'But…'

Tansy couldn't think of an argument to counter what her mother had just said. Defeated, she nodded and allowed her mother to take her hand in hers again; Minerva meant well but Tansy knew in her heart that it would only make things worse.

Remus's POV

Remus looked up from the essay in front of him at the quiet knock on his office door.

'Come in.' The door opened and Tansy walked into the room. 'Good evening love, how are you?' The girl nodded and sild into a seat opposite him without waiting for an invitation. She looked at him, seemed to realise that he was waiting for a response and opened her mouth.

'I'm okay, Remus, how are you? Did you have a good weekend with Tonks and Teddy?' She said, somewhat mechanically. She looked down at her hands as she spoke.

Something prickled in Remus's subconscious as he looked at her; it was as if she was asking simply because etiquette dictated that she should ask and not because she really cared. Looking closely at her, (without appearing to do so), Remus saw that she looked pale and tired. There was also something else about her; a feeling of being slightly detached from her surroundings.

'I did thanks – we went to Diagon Alley to do some shopping. Teddy needed some more clothes. I think Tonks has put another bag of stuff aside for Hope when she gets bigger. Tansy smiled slightly at the mention of her daughter and appeared to become more aware of where she was.

'Thanks, Remus. We've only just started on the first bag. She's still so tiny.'

'You should both come and visit the Tedster next weekend. You haven't seen him for ages.' This time her face broke into a proper smile and she nodded. 'How was your Legilimency session last night?' He asked, suddenly remembering that she had had one. The smile slid off her face and she blanched.

'I…' She began but stopped and shook her head vigorously before trying again. 'I'm sorry Remus… it was…. Professor Snape said it was better…' She lowered her eyes, her lip starting to tremble a little. 'He… found some useful… of last year…' She mumbled incoherently, then stumbled herself to silence and shook her head violently again.

'It must be hard remembering it, love?' Remus asked gently. Tansy nodded and shuddered. Still looking into her lap, she whispered something that he strained to hear.

'He… he went too far back at first… he found memories of when… of what happened with my foster… foster father.' She stuttered to a halt again. Remus noticed that she was using her right hand to squeeze her left arm very tightly. He wondered if the pressure helped her to focus and sighed to himself, swiftly coming to the conclusion that it was a healthier coping mechanism than scratching the skin of the back of her hands. Her hands still looked awful but at least there were no new scrapes today now that Minerva had cut her fingernails.

'Do you want to talk about it, love?' He asked gently.

'I… I spoke to Healer Knits about it this morning. I don't think…' She looked up at last, a pleading look on her face. 'I don't think I can go through it again today, Remus. Can we just do Defence?'

'Okay, Tansy, if that's what you want.' He pushed the essay across the desk towards her and she let go of her left arm, winced, and reached across to take it. Her face fell slightly.

'I know it's bad Remus and I'm sorry.' She'd had a similar reaction from all of her Professors over the standard of her written work.

'It's to be expected love.' He said, knowing not to deny it – in truth he'd been horrified by the standard of her work, as had Professors Snape, Flitwick and Sprout. Her essays were a haphazard jumble which lacked all sense of structure and she didn't appear to read through anything before she submitted it.

'It's just that I can't...'

'Can't what love?' Remus asked gently.

'I can't arrange my thoughts for an essay. I can't get it down on paper, Remus.' Tansy admitted.

'It's to be expected,' Remus said again. 'Your brain is still recovering from what happened last year. You were tortured almost to the point of insanity. Things will get better.' Tansy looked at him and nodded. 'Shall we go through it together now and see if we can get it making a little more sense?' He asked, smiling at her. 'Come and sit here.' He pointed his wand to the space next to him and a chair appeared out of thin air. 'Do you want a drink? I've got some buns here too. Dora made them.' He pulled open a drawer and removed a large round cake tin. He was pleased to see Tansy's face brighten slightly, as if she was suddenly more present.

'How is Tonks?' She asked, standing up and coming round the desk. 'And how is baby Teddy?' This time she seemed to really want to know the answer. Remus breathed a sigh of relief and began to answer her questions.

Merry Christmas everyone! Please let me know what you think. Can anyone guess what is going on with Tansy?