Chapter 3: Pain
"You can't wake up,
this is not a dream."
FF to 28 ABY…
Jaina, was now 19 years old. In the span of the past 13 years, a voice began to whisper to Jaina. Yet, unlike a malevolent force, this voice assumed the role of a guide. It wasn't merely a disembodied presence; when Jaina found herself in uncomfortable or perilous situations, this entity actively intervened to shield her. Remarkably, it possessed the ability to interact with the environment, capable of pushing or knocking objects and people away, serving as an unusual guardian in her life. On the flip side, having been denied the opportunity for Jedi training, the young woman lent her skills to assist her mother in her work. She actively participated in repairing and contributing to the construction of new ships, making her valuable in the efforts to fortify their fleet.
A storm brewed on the horizon. The clouds, dark and grey, released a torrential downpour, with heavy rain cascading from them. Lightning illuminated the skies, its jagged bolts tearing through the darkness, accompanied by resonant booms of thunder that echoed through the air. The elements clashed, creating a tumultuous symphony of nature's fury. She was jolted from her deep sleep upon hearing the voices of her parents and Luke. Wondering why he was there so late into the night, she pondered if he should be at the Jedi academy with his students, including Ben. It had been 13 years since their last meeting on that emotional day, yet they maintained nightly communication through their Force bond and commlinks. Until recently, all communication had abruptly ceased. It seemed out of character for Ben, according to her observations. Silently, she rose from her bed and approached the source of the commotion. Upon entering the living area, Leia collapsed to the floor, overcome by loud sobs. "Mom!" Jaina hurriedly dashed over to catch her mother.
Han knelt down to his wife's fallen level, cradling Leia as she cried into his chest. "I'm so sorry, Leia, Han. I believe it was already too late for him. Snoke has a strong hold on him, and it's been that way since we first learned about the voices in his head," Luke conveyed with sorrow in his tone, maintaining a surprising calmness. He glanced at Jaina as she made her presence known to everyone. "Jaina."
"What's going on, Uncle Luke? Why is Mom crying?" she asked, confusion evident as to what could have made her mother suddenly break into tears. It had to be something profoundly devastating to render her mother so emotionally vulnerable. Jaina wasn't prepared for what would unfold next. "Uncle Luke?" Silence gripped the room, interrupted only by Leia's sobs. "Something's happened, hasn't it? Otherwise, Mom wouldn't have reacted like this."
"There's just no easy way to say this. But let me ask you something first," Luke spoke, confident that he knew the answer that would come from Jaina. "Have you noticed any difference in your communication with your brother? I ask this because it's concerning him," he finished, now awaiting her response. Meanwhile, Leia continued to find solace in Han's comforting embrace, overwhelmed by the weight of the news.
Jaina's face contorted with concern, taken aback by Luke's intimate knowledge. Desiring an explanation, she inquired, "Only just recently, like in the past month or so. It's almost as if... he's blocked me. Like Ben disconnected from our bond. But what does that have to do with this?" The young adult placed a reassuring hand on her mother's shoulder, aware of the added stress on Leia, who was already burdened with leading the newly formed Resistance against the malevolent faction known as The First Order. The toll of losing many of her men in combat weighed heavily on the war General, causing significant turmoil.
"Ben has fallen to the dark side," Luke stated simply, understanding the painful gravity of his revelation. As much as it hurt to disclose this truth to Jaina, she deserved to know. He was keenly aware that this would impact her the most, reminiscent of that day when he had come to take Ben away. However, now that she was much older, her emotions were considered much more potent than before.
It felt like a cruel jest. Ben? Embracing the dark side? It didn't align with her perception of her older brother. "No. No. Absolutely not—I don't believe you. He would never go down that path. I-I know him!" Jaina vehemently rejected the idea, her disbelief evident. The knowledge of their family's history with the dark side, particularly their grandfather Anakin Skywalker's transformation into Darth Vader, lingered in her mind. She only knew fragments of the story from her mother and uncle. Anakin Skywalker was a great man, but Darth Vader, in her eyes, was a malevolent force responsible for horrific deeds, such as the destruction of Leia's home planet of Alderaan.
"Jaina - I know it's hard to hear but I'm telling you the honest truth." Luke released a sigh, fully aware of his niece's stubborn nature when faced with challenging situations like the one at hand. "Ben tried to bury me under rubble, possibly with the intention to kill me. When I resurfaced, the bodies of all the other Jedi trainees scattered across the temple. Everything was destroyed. It was a truly horrific scene."
"How could you let this happen? I thought - we thought he would be safe there. You said you could help him." She glared at him, eyes glowing with red in a matter of minutes just like Luke witnessed 13 years ago. Tremors also accompanied shortly afterwards. It happened more often as she grew up. The more powerful the mood swings, the stronger the shake. However, for a moment Jaina turned back towards her parents, and it all but stopped all together. Seeing her mother in such a state caused her to calm down while still trying to comprehend the news, "Mom, dad - he's lying right? Tell me it isn't true."
Han found himself wishing that the unfolding events weren't a reality. However, compelled by Luke's narrative and Leia's earlier ominous premonition, he had no option but to accept the unsettling truth. "Princess..." He found himself almost speechless, not knowing what words to choose. "We couldn't believe it at first, too, but...I don't think your uncle would lie about something so serious. Ben is really gone. Consumed by the dark side." His voice trembled as he spoke. Jaina could've sworn she saw tears in his eyes - and Han never cried, ever. She found it heartbreaking.
"I-I felt it."
All eyes turned to Leia as she spoke up for the first time since learning about her son's fate. "What do you mean, Mom?" Jaina inquired, her voice tinged with concern.
Leia gently extricated herself from Han's embrace, sitting up on her own while wiping away the tears from her face. "The moment Ben turned, it felt like a part of me had died. I've never experienced such a feeling before. Oh." Leia's hand moved to her forehead as she began to feel a bit lightheaded from the stress and pain. "Jaina, darling." She called out for her daughter, reaching out with her other hand.
Without hesitation, Jaina took her mother's hand. "I'm here, Mom." The sight of her parents in distress hurt her deeply. Despite the typical rebellious behavior during her teenage years, Jaina loved her parents dearly. They were all she had in Ben's absence, and now they were her main support, along with Luke. "Tell me."
"We didn't want to tell you the real reason. I know you only know about Ben's nightmares, but during that time, he was being manipulated by a voice. A voice that we now know belongs to a man named Snoke. He was feeding Ben false lies - such as how we didn't love him enough, that we preferred you over him as our child. It's ridiculous." Leia explained, her lightheadedness no longer a bother. "Your father and I kept it from you because we didn't want you to worry even more at that age."
"That's why we kept you home after discussing this with Luke. We thought that perhaps if he managed to get Ben, he could have gotten you too," Han interjected, taking a seat on the lounge chair. The idea of potentially losing both kids had Jaina been sent off was unimaginable for him. However, a nagging question lingered in his mind – why was Snoke only targeting one child and not the other? It struck Han as peculiar and raised suspicions about the motives behind the sinister influence.
"Why haven't we found this... this Snoke person? He must be stopped, and we need to save Ben," Jaina inquired, her frustration evident. She couldn't comprehend why Luke hadn't taken more direct action to locate the culprit, especially if it involved someone meddling with his family.
Luke joined his brother-in-law, running a hand through his grown-out hair. He sensed the confusion and shared the same sentiments as Han. With a soft sigh, he explained, "That is not exactly an easy task, Jaina. Believe me—I've been trying, but no luck, unfortunately. Snoke is doing well in hiding his location, no doubt about that." Luke's admission of failing to save Ben resonated with a heavy sense of responsibility. "I feel largely responsible for this. It's been eating me up inside. I'm sorry to the three of you. You've entrusted me to purge Ben of the darkness surrounding him, and instead, I let everyone down." The weight of guilt overwhelmed the Jedi Master, and the desire to escape from it all gnawed at him. He hadn't even wanted to come here in the first place, tempted to run away and hide from everyone. There was one part of his story that Luke hesitated to reveal to them—a detail that would undoubtedly add to their distress. And potentially provoke their anger, especially Jaina.
"Uncle Luke, no, don't, please," Jaina pleaded, now feeling a sense of guilt for her earlier blame. She understood that her emotions had gotten the better of her, and she didn't mean to place the blame solely on him ,"There's no need to talk that way. I'm sorry - I know that you did everything you could for him. If what you say is true about Snoke and that he's been the cause of Ben's nightmares and manipulating him for years, then there is no way for you to have known just how strong of a grip he had on him. We can't give up, however. We'll find him."
"Luke, kid, don't be so hard on yourself. Leia and I could never blame you for what happened," Han reassured, though the admission that followed was difficult for him to voice, "Perhaps this was just something that was... unavoidable."
"What? How could you say something like that, dad? That's absurd!"
Han immediately focused on his daughter, sensing the anger in her voice after his earlier statement. He realized he might have been better off keeping that sentiment to himself, but it was his genuine reaction to the situation.
"I can't believe you really think Ben turning to the dark side couldn't be prevented! Of course it could have!" Jaina's voice rose slightly, yet she attempted to maintain her composure. "Recalling what you said earlier, you kept me back home for protection in case he got to me too. But you know what? I truly believe that if you'd let me go, our bond should have—no, would have been enough to drive Snoke's influence away. I'm his strength as he is mine. Don't you get it?" The frustration and conviction in Jaina's words were palpable, expressing her belief in the strength of their sibling bond. "Wouldn't you say so, uncle Luke?"
"Luke?" Leia called out to her brother, noticing the blank look in his eyes. She could sense the internal conflict brewing within him, burdened by the weight of responsibility. "Please, you're not at fault for any of this. If anything, it's mine. Maybe if I hadn't been working so much and given both Ben and Jaina equal attention. The same goes for your father," Leia confessed, glancing over towards her husband and nodding in agreement with her statement. "We were so busy with our jobs that we didn't think about our kids. Han and I would rarely see each other either since he'd take every smuggling job he could score—even if we didn't need the money." The weight of guilt and self-blame hung heavy in Leia's words as she acknowledged the unintended neglect in their family dynamics.
"I'm sorry I—" Luke abruptly shot back up on his feet, swiftly making his way towards the landing pad where his ship stood. Just before exiting, he paused to speak one last time to his family. "This is too much for me right now. I lost a nephew and a handful of padawans who just wanted to become a Jedi. I let them all down, too." Pulling up his hood to shield himself from the continuous rain pouring outside, he added, "I'm going away on a long journey to... meditate. Please do not come looking for me. That is a warning, especially for you, Jaina." With those words, he boarded his X-Wing and hastily blasted away before anyone could respond.
Jaina was left perplexed as Luke specifically called her out for not looking for him. In the moment, she struggled to comprehend it. But one thing was for sure, however, "He said not to look for him. He never said anything about going after Ben."
"Jaina, no," Han instantly rejected the idea.
She anticipated his strong refusal, maintaining eye contact with her father as she asserted, "I have to. Uncle Luke just abandoned us in our most critical moment. There's no way you expect me to just sit back while my brother, YOUR son, is out there kriff knows where. I honestly stick by my theory that I am the only one who can save him now, as I know I would have before."
"Jaina Solo, like hell I'm going to let you do that. You're to stay here and that's final!"
"Why? So you two can go back to doing your jobs and ignoring me like you've been doing for the last 19 years?" The youngest Solo acknowledged, even in the heat of the moment, that she might have taken it a bit too far. Despite it, the gravity of the situation, especially when it came to Ben's fate, lingered heavily in their conversation. "You can't stop me."
Han felt bothered by the way she had talked back to him. He paced back and forth in a line, his hands finding a place on his hips as he grappled with the tension in the air. His own thoughts were telling him to find calmness before choosing his next words, "Do you really think your mother needs to lose another child?! Huh? That is the outcome you're walking into if you go looking for your brother. Kriff, you may have the Force but you don't know how to defend yourself in a lightsaber duel. He'll easily outpower you!"
"I don't need the Force nor a lightsaber to bring him back. Just watch me," Jaina challenged, standing her ground with a stubbornness reminiscent of her mother.
"Now, that's enough you two! Jaina..." Leia finally intervened, stepping in between her husband and daughter. Usually the one to diffuse tension in family arguments, she continued, "We do not need to be fighting amongst ourselves right now. In a moment like this, the three of us need each other and lean on for support." Leia placed a hand on either of Jaina's shoulders, emphasizing her point. "But I have to agree with your father here. You're not going anywhere. Let me and The Resistance handle this. It's the only way I'll be able to forgive myself. Please, darling..." She pleaded with her youngest.
"Fine. If you're that worried about it, then..." Jaina stepped away from her mother, relenting. "I won't go. I'll let you take care of it." With that, she turned and walked back to her room, locking the door behind her. She headed into her closet and began packing some clothing along with a couple of essentials. Among those essentials were a heavy blaster pistol and a stun blaster stowed away in a hidden compartment only she knew about. One item, in particular, caught her eye on the bedside table - her commlink. Jaina picked it up and called into it, "Hey, I need you to pick me up."
Authors Note: Hey guys! I hope you're enjoying the story so far! This is the last before FF to The Force Awakens, that's where it truly begins to take off. One more thing too. I made a promotional video on YouTube for the story. Search: Jaina and Ben Solo | There Is Still Hope by naboorruu :)