Walking With You

by Aylatha

"And how have you been, Sonea?", Lorlen asked. "Well." "Well, she says", Akkarin huffed, covering his face with one hand. "I'm still alive, aren't I?" Lorlen's eyebrows rose. Rothen's knees buckled. "What?", he yelped, colour draining from his face.

2. Scars

A/N:

Remember me saying that the first chapter was short? Well. This one has 41 pages. I wrote it down within the span of one and a half weeks (large parts of it had already been finished inside my head before then).

---

The mundaneness of everyday life seemed strange to Sonea as she sat down so that Viola could brush her hair. How could she pretend that everything was normal, when so much had happened? Sonea couldn't yet say if it would change anything – she still had so many questions, and she had no idea how Akkarin would act around her, now that the stress caused by the attack had faded. However, she had to keep up appearances, at least while Viola was inside the residence. She couldn't alert her servant to the fact that something was amiss.

Viola hummed softly as she started parting Sonea's hair into sections. It was still a bit too short for her to do much with it, but Viola was creative.

Sonea had worn her hair short for most of her life, mostly out of practicality. Since she'd always been small and skinny for her age, she'd been able to pass herself as a boy for a long time, which had – usually – worked in her favour. With a wry smile, she remembered how Cery had taken her scarf on that fateful day, and used it to cover her hair so that she'd looked more like a girl – and wouldn't so easily be suspected of having thrown stones at the gathered magicians. Of course, his efforts had been in vain when Sonea had awakened her magic, and sent a very crude, very basic Forcestrike along with her stone, which had knocked a magician named Fergun unconscious. And that had prompted him to take Cery hostage later in an attempt to get her expelled from the Guild, make it so that the Guild would never again consider taking in people from the lower classes.

It had been Akkarin who had discovered Cery, and set him free. Sonea knew that he had a habit of haunting the hidden passages inside the university. Had he found Cery by accident? She'd always wondered, ever since she'd become his hostage, why he had bothered to save him.

Maybe, she would finally get answers.

When she'd joined the Guild as a novice, she'd quickly noticed that the magicians and other novices thought that her short hair was appalling. In an attempt to fit in – and because it seemed like not much of a sacrifice on her part – Sonea had started growing her hair out. She no longer had a valid reason for keeping it short. Besides, she reasoned, if she found that she absolutely couldn't live with long hair, she could always chop it off again.

However, much to her dismay, Sonea had come to the realisation that she was unable to do anything with her own hair – no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't figure out how to move strands the right way, and the only thing she had managed on her own had been a ponytail. She'd eventually worked up the courage to ask Viola – unlike Tania, who was all smiles and kindness and bustling around, Viola was much more reserved, and the fact that Akkarin had appointed her as Sonea's servant hadn't helped, either. All that had made it difficult for Sonea to connect with her.

However, Viola had gladly risen to the task, and seemed to delight in surprising Sonea with new hairstyles – or variations thereof – now and then. Although Sonea still preferred to keep things simple. She wasn't trying to impress anyone, after all.

"There, my lady, all done", Viola announced, sounding pleased.

Sonea turned her head this way and that in order to get a better look. Viola had braided her hair into three braids – one starting at the crown of her head, and one above each ear – that joined at the nape of her neck, where she'd tied them off. The rest of Sonea's hair fell down her back in a low ponytail.

"Thank you, Viola. Good work, as always."

Viola smiled, bowed, and left.

Sonea tucked a loose strand behind her ear, grabbed her box, and left her room. She was hungry – more-so than normal, which shouldn't surprise her, given the circumstances – and she was eager to reach the Foodhall. She closed the door to her room behind herself, turned around, and almost jumped out of her skin when she spotted Akkarin standing a few feet away.

Praying that he hadn't noticed her start – she wasn't even sure if he'd already been in the corridor, as she hadn't been paying attention – Sonea squared her shoulders and bowed.

"Good morning, High Lord."

"Good morning, Sonea."

His face was back to the way it usually was, blank and expressionless. It was a stark contrast to the face she had seen last night, one that had shown terror, pain, and regret. It made her wonder if the face she was seeing right now was a mask – and what his real face looked like.

Akkarin didn't move from his spot, but he once again extended his hand toward her. Letting out a soft huff – and fervently hoping that he hadn't heard her – Sonea grasped her box by the handle with her left hand and approached him, placing her right hand in his.

Instantly, his gaze sharpened once more. Only two days ago, this look would have sent her into a near-panic, but she found that she was less daunted by it now.

Akkarin soon released her, and dropped his hand to his side.

"You have recovered quite a large amount of magic overnight, which is good", he told her. "However, it is still nowhere near what I would like it to be. I would prefer it if you didn't attend classes today."

"What? But why? I feel perfectly fine!", she protested.

"You almost died last night", he replied, his eyes flashing.

"Almost!", she shot back. "It's not like I'm sick! And I can't afford to fall behind in my studies!"

He'd listened to her tirade without any outward reaction, however, the last point she raised caused him to lift an eyebrow.

"Fall behind in your studies? Sonea, every time your teachers report to me, they sing you the highest praises – how clever you are, how hard-working, and dedicated. And don't think they do that because they wish to please me – my fellow magicians found out long ago that insincere flattery doesn't work on me. You are in no danger of falling behind in your studies if you take a day to rest."

"My teachers said that?", Sonea asked in disbelief.

"Perhaps not in those words, but the sentiment was clear. Do you mean to tell me that you were unaware of this?"

"I never go the impression that they were impressed with my performance. Lord Yikmo is, I think, the only one who ever praised me – and I wasn't inclined to take what he said at face-value, at least at first. I thought that he was just trying to be nice, given how much I struggle with Warrior Skills."

"Unbelievable. Singing your praises to me, but neglecting to tell you – I'll have to speak with them."

He clicked his tongue in disapproval.

Sonea's mind was spinning. She'd have never thought that she'd ever be able to win her teachers' approval – had been convinced that they'd never see her as anything more than "the slum girl", an inconvenience they had no choice but to deal with – especially once she had become the High Lord's chosen novice. She'd been certain they resented her for it.

She shook her head, trying to get a grip. Still, she felt that she should attend classes.

"Still not convinced, are you?", Akkarin asked with a huff. "I'll remind you that you have Warrior Skills this afternoon. I am not letting you anywhere near the Arena if you're not at your full strength. Even if we assume that nothing were to happen, your teacher might notice that you are weakened."

"That's – a fair point", she conceded.

"Besides, it is important to take breaks every now and then. You can't keep going at full speed forever – you'll burn yourself out that way. And I don't need you to turn into another Lorlen – one of his kind is more than enough."

"I do take breaks", Sonea protested half-heartedly.

Akkarin snorted. "We both know that's not true. You're terrible at doing things in moderation. You spend your Freedays studying! Even I went to take a walk yesterday, and I have an entire guild to run."

"And assassins to fight."

"That, too. Inconvenient business, let me tell you."

"But – I'd feel bad if I stayed here all day when I'm not actually sick", she argued, trying to get him to understand her viewpoint. "Can't I at least attend morning classes?"

"And feign that you were falling ill around midbreak? It'd be more believable if people hadn't seen you already. Think of it as a pre-emptive treatment, to prevent an illness."

This gave her pause, and mollified her somewhat.

"Look, I know you're not keen on my company – you'd be free to go outside, as long as you stay within sight of the building. I wouldn't want to have to explain why my sick novice is traipsing around the gardens."

Sonea opened her mouth to protest, but closed it again, not knowing what to say. Part of her had wanted to tell Akkarin that he was wrong about her not being keen on his company, and the rest of her had immediately started shouting.

"All right, I'll stay – if you promise that you'll let me go back to classes tomorrow."

He let out a huff, amusement shining in his eyes. "You're a stubborn one, aren't you."

"You should have been very well aware of that when you decided to make me your novice. You brought this on yourself."

"I concede defeat on all points. Very well, you have my word that I'll let you return to classes tomorrow. I'll send a message to your teachers that you are unwell – but nothing too serious."

"Right."

Her stomach chose that moment to let out a deafening growl. Blushing a bright scarlet, Sonea spun on her heels and fled back to her room, too embarrassed to care that she was being rude. She slammed her door shut for good measure, and placed her box on her desk. When she checked her reflection in her looking glass, she found that her entire face, and most of her neck, was covered in an intense blush. Letting out a groan, she went to her wash basin and splashed water on her face.

Logically, she knew that there was no shame in being hungry, or her body making her aware of this – but still. The timing could have been better.

When she peeked out into the hall a few minutes later, Akkarin was gone. In his place, Takan was waiting for her. He smiled when he spotted her, and bowed.

"Good morning, Lady Sonea. You are looking much better, if I may be so bold."

"Thank you, Takan. I'm feeling much better, too."

"The master usually takes his dawnfeast in the dining room, and you are welcome to join him. Alternatively, I can bring some food to your room."

Sonea considered this. She wasn't sure if this was Takan's idea, or if Akkarin was offering her a way out. Either way, she guessed that it'd probably be less work for Takan if she went to the dining room. Knowing what it was like to work hard, often-times from dawn 'till dusk, Sonea had always tried to be as little a bother to the servants working at the Magician's Guild as possible. And Takan had probably not slept much the previous night, seeing as how the corridor was spotless.

"I'll go to the dining room, then. Oh, and good job on the cleaning."

"Thank you, my lady."

Sonea slipped into the dining room to find Akkarin already eating. Not quite sure how to act – they'd never taken dawnfeast together before – she hovered near the door.

Akkarin glanced up.

"Do be seated, or the raka will grow cold."

Sonea's gaze fell onto a tall metal carafe with a lid that had been placed near the chair she usually sat in. A place had been set for her, as well. She briskly made her way over to the table, and poured herself a cup while pulling the chair out with her foot. As soon as she was seated, she downed the first cup, not caring that it was almost too hot to drink, barely managing to suppress a sigh of contentment.

She was surprised to see that Akkarin himself was also drinking raka – she hadn't known that he liked it – most magicians preferred sumi. Sonea had tried it, at Rothen's insistence, and had found it not to her liking.

"I didn't know you drank raka", she observed as she poured herself another cup.

"I like drinking it in the mornings, it helps me wake up."

"I'm guessing Takan drinks raka, too?"

"Naturally. Though not nearly as much as you do."

Sonea almost spat out her drink. "You keep track of how much I drink?"

"No. But I do manage the budget. It's a good thing I told Takan to increase our stock when you moved in, or you would have decimated it all in no time."

"I don't drink that much", Sonea muttered, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

"Don't take it to heart – I'd be much more worried if you drank the same amount of wine."

"Oh, yes, that would be bad. I'd be permanently drunk."

He hummed, and reached for an empty plate, which he proceeded to load with food. Once he was done, he sent the plate her way and placed it on the table in front of her with absolute precision. Sonea had to grudgingly admit that she was impressed.

The food he had selected for her seemed mostly to be of the nutritious kind, and Sonea figured he wanted to make sure she would recover her magic as quickly as possible. However, there were also some of her favourite foods, as well, and Sonea wondered if he'd actively remembered what she liked.

For it was rather obvious how he knew her preferences.

"I would like for you to finish all of that", he told her, lacing his long fingers together. "Take your time; it's not like you need to go anywhere this morning."

"What do you mean?"

"It's possible to spend hours at the dawnfeast table, and eat quite a lot of food that way", he explained.

"Only if you have nothing to do", Sonea huffed.

Akkarin let out a chuckle. "I'll let my parents know that you think that they have nothing to do."

Sonea blanched. She hadn't considered that nobles might have a habit of doing this. Or that Akkarin's parents might be among them. She hadn't even considered the fact that he had to have a family outside the Guild, seeing as none of his close relatives were magicians. Also, given his age, he might already be an uncle. Sonea tried, and failed, to imagine what he would be like, interacting with children.

And then, she remembered to her horror that he might have just heard all of these thoughts. In a desperate attempt to get her brain to stop going on weird tangents, Sonea started revising formulas in her head.

"I've decided to take it slow today myself", Akkarin said between bites. "The paperwork can wait."

"Moderation", Sonea agreed, nodding her head sagely.

Akkarin snorted. "You will be the death of me."

They spent most of the morning eating in silence. Sonea was actually surprised by the amount of food she managed to eat. She also noticed that Akkarin's behaviour was different from normal in two ways – he was far less formal with her than previously, more expressive – although she caught him reverting to his usual aloof persona several times. The second change was that he hardly spoke – usually, when they had evening meals together, he would ask her questions, had sometimes even tried to provoke her. Not today. Occasionally, either of them would make a remark on something, but apart from that, they both kept quiet.

Sonea was pretty much convinced that he was trying to give her space.

She found herself appreciating the gesture.

After several hours of eating – with breaks in between, of course – Sonea announced that she was too full to continue.

"You've eaten far more than what I asked you to", Akkarin replied. "Or expected to. I always took you for a small eater."

"I try not to waste food", she retorted, a little defensively.

"I know. That was not a criticism. You just surprised me."

"I'm surprised, as well", she admitted. "I never knew I could eat so much. I don't usually have the time."

And staying too long in the Foodhall was usually a bad idea.

"Well, then, you are dismissed. Try and do something relaxing."

"I'll do my best."

Sonea rose, bowed to him, and left. Once outside in the corridor, she paused, unsure what she should actually do. She had a feeling that Akkarin wouldn't approve if she studied, but apart from reading something not related to her studies, Sonea couldn't think of anything else to occupy herself with.

After racking her brain for something, anything to do for several minutes, Sonea gave up, and decided to go outside. The day was slightly overcast, and she figured she might be able to spend several hours outside without getting sunburned. Seeing as how she wasn't in any hurry, she slowly made her way downstairs and across the guestroom.

She found it rather odd, really, that Akkarin seemed to like receiving people in what was essentially the entrance hall of his house. Although this could be a means to keep people from snooping around upstairs. She had no idea if Akkarin had any incriminating things stashed away, but if she were secretly practising some kind of forbidden magic, she'd most certainly not want to give people easy access to them.

Once outside, she turned to face the building, examining the windows. She could sense the wards Akkarin had put in place – only the door had remained as it had been before, although Sonea wouldn't be surprised if Akkarin decided to ward it, too, once they had all retired.

He'd said that she could test the wards as soon as she'd recovered enough. Sonea assumed that, since he didn't allow her to attend classes, she hadn't recovered enough for his taste – despite that, she contemplated striking the wards if only to mess with him. This thought brought a smile to her face – however, it dimmed quickly when she realised that Akkarin was, most likely, not doing any of this to annoy her, but that he might be genuinely worried. She hadn't had the time to analyse everything that had happened the previous night yet, and decided that now might be a good time to do that.

She turned, walked a bit along the facade, and sat down with her back braced against the wall.

Almost a year ago, she had come back to the residence one night to find a magical battle going on in the underground room. Akkarin and Takan had both been there, along with a stranger, who, just like Takan, had been from Sachaka. Sonea had arrived just in time to see Akkarin kill the stranger with black magic – something she was sure she would never forget. Akkarin had not been pleased that she had witnessed this, and had claimed that the stranger had been an assassin sent to kill him. Takan had corroborated that story, but Sonea had dismissed that, knowing that he was loyal to the High Lord. Akkarin had sensed that she wasn't convinced by his story, and had told her that it didn't matter whether she believed him or not, and had reminded her to keep silent about all this.

Back then, Sonea had developed several theories of what might have happened, assuming that Akkarin's claim that the stranger had been an assassin was false. She hadn't been able to figure out why a random Sachakan magician would want to assassinate the High Lord of the Magician's Guild.

Ever since that incident, she'd tried even harder to avoid Akkarin. Before that, she had only known that he was capable of killing people, had suspected that he might be stalking the slums in search of potential magicians he could kill to increase his power.

Murders were happening in the slums, but the descriptions of the murderer – rare as they were – didn't match Akkarin's appearance. One of the most marked details about the murderer had been that he wore a ring with a red gem. Sonea had never seen Akkarin wear any kind of jewellery, let alone something as ostentatious as this. Of course, he could have put the ring on before he set out to do the murdering, but that would be stupid. People who wanted to commit a crime usually took great care not to attract attention, after all. Putting on jewellery that would make one stand out made no sense. And Sonea couldn't picture Akkarin as someone foolish enough to make such an amateur mistake.

Which begged the question as to why that murderer – whoever he was – was wearing such a ring. Unless the ring was some kind of token, some kind of symbol – but she'd never heard that any of the Thieves employed such obvious methods. Whenever they left messages at crime scenes, they did so in more subtle ways, and never drew attention to the messengers themselves.

Or so Sonea had heard – thankfully, she'd never been visited by a messenger before.

Either way, she had no clear evidence that Akkarin was the murderer, or that he was connected to the murders. She'd eventually come to the conclusion that, perhaps, Takan's magical strength was enough for the High Lord, although she still had no idea what he wanted the extra power for. He was already the leader of the Guild; the only thing he might want beyond that was to be king.

And then, last night, another man had broken into the residence, a man who had made it abundantly clear that his target was, in fact, Akkarin. He had not happened upon Akkarin doing something forbidden, had not wanted to confront him about breaking the law. No, this man had broken into her room in the middle of the night with the aim to use her as a hostage, so he could kill Akkarin more easily.

And he'd been a black magician.

Sonea knew next to nothing about Sachaka, and had no idea what their stance on black magic was. Sachaka wasn't part of the Allied Lands, and not bound by any of their laws. She couldn't rule out the possibility that the use of black magic was more widely spread there, or if it might even be legal. She shuddered at the thought.

However, considering the possibility that Sachakan assassins sent to kill Akkarin might (all) be black magicians, this would explain why he, himself, needed Takan. Sonea knew from Lorlen's mind that a magician using black magic could far surpass his natural limit, could become many times stronger than he had originally been.

For Sonea, this changed many things – forced her to reassess the situation. Akkarin had been right when he'd said that she wasn't one to wilfully ignore evidence. She could not, in good conscience, pretend like last night's intruder had been anything but a single-minded killer – albeit one who was thwarted in the attempt. The whole business made her wonder if he had been in the slums previously, killing people to gather strength.

She still was no closer to figuring out why some random Sachakans would want Akkarin dead, but Takan and Akkarin had mentioned two names last night: Kariko, who was, as it seemed, behind these attacks, and Dakova, who appeared to be dead. Dakova, whose mere name being uttered had affected Akkarin.

Sonea shuddered. Part of her was terrified to continue that train of thought, frightened of what conclusion it would lead to. Akkarin was terrified of these people – if not for himself, then for her sake.

Despite all that, she needed answers. She needed to hear Akkarin's side of the story, maybe get Takan's account, too. Especially now that she, herself, might have become a target as well – although she had absolutely no idea how this Kariko should have been able to watch the fight.

Her musings were interrupted when the window she was sitting underneath was opened, and Takan poked his head out.

"Ah, there you are, my lady. I was going to ask what you would like for midbreak."

Sonea tilted her head back as far as she could while she gave this some thought.

"I'm still pretty full, I don't think I could eat much. If it's not too much trouble – could you make me something simple, something that I could eat out here?"

"Certainly, my lady. And it's no trouble at all."

She gave him a grateful smile before returning to her brooding. However, it didn't take long for Takan to return with a platter covered in different kinds of sandwiches. He'd also brought a jug of pachi juice, and gently reminded her that she shouldn't forget to drink enough.

"Takan, can I talk to you for a bit? That is, if I'm not keeping you from your duties."

"I can spare some time", he replied. "I understand that you must have plenty of questions."

"I do."

"Feel free to ask, but I must warn you that I am not at liberty to talk about certain things."

"Understood. Well, um, the first thing is a bit – oh, I don't know how to put this, I'm worried that I might offend you."

"I assure you, my lady, that I am not easily offended. Ask away."

"All right, then." Sonea took a deep breath. "Takan, were you – were you a slave, before?"

"I was", he replied softly. "My previous master's name was Dakova."

"Somehow, I knew you'd say that", Sonea whispered, her eyes wide. "Is it a common thing, to keep slaves in Sachaka?"

"You're either a magician, or a slave. That's how the world works, and I never questioned it. Not until I met him. And even after that, it seemed such a strange concept to me – a world without masters and slaves. Where people belonged to themselves."

Sonea clasped her hands over her mouth, horrified. "And no-one ever questioned this? People think it's fine that things are that way?"

"Those born into slavery are conditioned to believe that this is how it should be. Of course, it's possible for slaves to become magicians themselves, but that, in turn, requires them to keep slaves of their own. No slave turned magician ever attempted to help the ones they left behind. And the ones born into power don't want things to change, for obvious reasons."

"I'm so sorry something so horrible happened to you", Sonea whispered, reaching out to squeeze Takan's hand.

"You are very kind, Lady Sonea, and very lucky to have been born here. Someone like you would not survive in Sachaka."

"It does sound that way, doesn't it", she replied with a hollow laugh. "But – you're free now?"

"Of course. Kyralians don't keep slaves. And I implore you to you never say anything suggesting otherwise to Lord Akkarin – unless you want to see him angry."

"Yea, no, I can do without that. But – that means you could leave here, if you wanted to."

"In theory, yes."

"What do you mean?"

"When I came here, all those years ago, I had no idea what to do, how to behave. I didn't know what being 'free' meant. All I knew was servitude, and my way of serving made Lord Akkarin extremely uncomfortable. He offered me employment as his servant, and eased me into things. He understands that sometimes, the conditioning takes hold of me, as it is very deeply ingrained. I don't have to explain to him why I do these things.
"The Magician's Guild is the only environment outside Sachaka that I know, though. If I were to leave the Guild, I'd have to adapt to a new environment, this time without any help. Then there is the fact that I feel indebted to Lord Akkarin, that I have to repay him. Although he disagrees. And lastly – though most importantly – if I left, he'd die, and not just because he'd refuse to eat any cooking apart from my own."

Sonea felt chilled to her core. She was pretty certain she knew what Takan was alluding to, but she didn't dare voice it. Instead, she glanced away, taking a shuddering breath.

"The High Lord mentioned yesterday that there was a very strong bond connecting you two, that you'd die for him. I think I understand why, now."

"Naturally, the mere thought upsets him terribly."

"I figured as much", Sonea replied with a small laugh. "Tell me, Takan, does he always turn into an oversized mother rassook whenever he gets worried?"

"Always", Takan replied, mirth dancing in his eyes.

"I would have never expected this", she admitted. "He always seemed so stern, so unyielding."

"Well, I'm afraid that's all just an act", Takan replied with a grin. "Deep down inside, he's a big - " He broke off in mid-sentence, the smile on his face freezing somewhat. "Oops. He's noticed our little chat. I imagine he'll be along momentarily to voice his displeasure."

Sonea had only moments to brace herself before the window above them on the first floor was thrown open, and Akkarin stuck his head outside.

"Takan! Come up here and help me re-arrange the furniture!", he demanded.

"I'll be right there, master. Lady Sonea, enjoy your meal."

Akkarin disappeared from view, and the window shut with an angry "thud". Takan hurried inside, and Sonea sat there, confused, trying to understand what had just happened. Then, she let out a chuckle as she deduced what it was that Takan had almost told her, and why this would prompt Akkarin to interrupt their conversation.

Still smiling, she reached for the tray, determined to enjoy Takan's superb culinary skills. She could completely understand that Akkarin wouldn't want to live without his cooking.

---

Taking a fortifying breath, Lorlen quickened his pace as he approached the High Lord's residence. He hadn't meant to meet with Akkarin today, but he had, rather unexpectedly, been swamped with some requests and letters of business he wanted to run by his "friend". Through the grapevine, Lorlen had also learned that Sonea was, apparently, ill, and so he decided to kill two rassooks with one stone, and make an unplanned – and unannounced – visit.

Not that he expected to be able to surprise Akkarin – whenever Lorlen had visited him in the past, Akkarin had been waiting for him in the guestroom, a glass of wine in hand. Somehow, he'd always known that Lorlen was about to arrive, even before he'd forced his blasted mind-reading gem on him.

Lorlen lifted his free hand and examined the ring with the red gem Akkarin made him wear with disgust. He hated Akkarin for doing this to him. Hated the fact that he could see into his mind, see and hear everything that was happening around Lorlen – whenever he was watching. And Lorlen couldn't tell if Akkarin was watching, unless he chose to speak to him.

The only good thing about this was that it wasn't one-way communication – he could reach Akkarin through the ring, if he wanted to. And it seemed that other magicians were unaware of their conversations.

Lorlen tucked the folder containing the paperwork under his left arm as he approached the residence. He was surprised to spot Sonea outside, sitting with her back braced against the wall, an empty tray next to her. She appeared to be deep in thought, her brow wrinkled.

Lorlen softly cleared his throat.

"Administrator!", she exclaimed, looking up, and made to rise.

"No, don't bother yourself. I heard you weren't feeling well?"

Sonea settled down again and grimaced.

"Must've eaten something funny at the Foodhall yesterday. I was feeling pretty awful this morning, and the High Lord insisted that I shouldn't attend classes today, especially because Warrior Skills was part of today's schedule."

"I see. Well, it's not a good idea to have magic thrown at you when you're not at your best. I take it you are feeling better now?"

"Yes, I managed to eat something", she replied, nodding toward the tray. "I think I'll be able to go back to classes tomorrow."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Did you come to check on me, or are you here to see the High Lord?"

"Both, actually."

Her gaze softened, and she gave him a small smile. "Thanks, I appreciate it. Though, I should warn you – they've been re-arranging furniture for what feels like hours now."

"They?"

"The High Lord and Takan."

"Oh. But why?"

"I think it's his way of blowing off steam without blowing anything up." She hesitated for a moment. "You've known the High Lord since you were very young, haven't you, Administrator?"

"Yes, we were novices in the same year."

"Did he, by any chance, have a flair for being dramatic, back then?"

"Oh, yes", Lorlen replied with a chuckle. "He could be terribly dramatic."

Sonea hummed. "I'd say that hasn't changed."

"So, he's re-arranging the furniture because he's being dramatic?"

Sonea nodded, her eyes shining.

"Oh, dear. Do you know what caused this?"

"I do, but – it might be better if you asked him. The last time I shared something with you, it didn't exactly end well for either of us."

"Right. I wouldn't want to put you in an uncomfortable position. I'll go look for him – and hope I don't get crushed by furniture."

He gave her a wry smile, and took his leave.

The door opened at his touch, as usual. As he went inside, he could swear he heard her mutter "mother rassook" under her breath, followed by a giggle.

Lorlen shook his head, utterly confused by her behaviour, but decided not to ask. Seeing her in a good mood was rare, and he didn't want to ruin it.

He could hear heavy objects being moved above – and, really, there wasn't much down here to re-arrange. Lorlen ascended the stairs and soon found himself in front of a sitting room that had been used frequently before the guestroom downstairs had been created.

"I'm afraid I'm all out of ideas, master", an unfamiliar voice spoke.

Lorlen guessed the speaker had to be Takan – he'd hardly ever seen Akkarin's servant, let alone heard him speak.

"Well, this will not do", Akkarin groused.

"We could move it back to how it was before."

"Absolutely not."

"Hm…" Lorlen could hear footsteps as Takan appeared to be moving around the room. "How about we shift this divan a little bit over that way?"

"Let's try that."

As Lorlen approached the door, he was treated to the rather hilarious sight of both men trying to move a reasonably sized divan. With visible effort, they achieved their goal. Akkarin straightened, and took in the change.

"Much better. Thank you, Takan."

"Not at all."

"Hello, Lorlen. Do stop hovering and come inside."

Lorlen jumped slightly, not having realised that Akkarin had noticed his presence.

"You do know that you have magical powers, don't you?", he said by way of greeting, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yes, I've noticed. However, using magic would have been boring."

"I see."

Lorlen wasn't sure he understood, but then again, there were quite a few things he didn't understand about the High Lord.

"Seeing as how you're already upstairs, we might just as well stay here", Akkarin decided. "Would you care for some refreshments?"

"Oh, I'll take whatever you're having", Lorlen replied as he settled into one of the comfortable-looking armchairs.

"It's too early for wine", Akkarin murmured. "Takan, could you bring us some sumi?"

"At once, High Lord."

The servant bowed, and slipped from the room, leaving the door open.

"What exactly prompted this?", Lorlen asked as Akkarin settled into the armchair next to his, nodding in the direction of the divan.

"I caught Sonea and Takan chatting earlier."

"And that upset you to the point you had to turn your house upside-down?"

"No – I don't have any issues with them talking, it was what they were talking about that was – problematic. Takan was being a bit too forthcoming with information about myself, which I disapproved of. I separated them, and reminded Takan to be a bit more mindful."

Lorlen frowned. "Are they very close?"

Theoretically, there was nothing wrong with relying on a servant, or having a cordial relationship with one, but given Sonea's background, getting too close to one might come back to bite her.

"This is a very recent development – they're currently bonding over a shared experience. Which is good. Sonea needs this. They've barely spoken two words to each other before that."

"And – you don't see any issues with it?"

"Takan isn't going to do anything inappropriate, if that's what you're worried about. He merely wishes to help her. And, unless you decide to go around and tell everyone that she's become best friends with my servant overnight, this shouldn't be an issue."

"I see." Lorlen frowned as he noticed dark circles under Akkarin's eyes. "You don't look too well."

"Is it that obvious?", Akkarin asked with a sigh.

"Don't forget that I've known you almost all my life."

"Hm. I had – a bit of a rough night."

"Does this have something to do with Sonea's illness?"

"No – it has to do with something that happened during my travels."

Lorlen frowned, and was about to point out that Akkarin had never really talked about any of that –

"I was rather surprised to find that you were awake in the middle of the night", Akkarin said smoothly, derailing Lorlen's train of thought.

"I was working", Lorlen huffed.

"I know. That's the point. You're not supposed to be working in the middle of the night. Keep this up, and you'll not only be the youngest administrator to have been elected, but also the one to die as the youngest."

"Don't be so dramatic, Akkarin."

"I'm not being dramatic. I'd hate to have to replace you."

"I've been grooming Osen as my successor for years, I assure you he'd be more than capable of taking over, should anything happen to me - "

"Then give him more work to do. You're a Healer, Lorlen. You ought to know better."

Lorlen glanced away, not really having anything to say to that. Akkarin had an annoying habit of being good at winning arguments.

"Sonea is just like you, you know", Akkarin huffed. "Can't do anything in moderation, either. Between the two of you, I'm sure I'm going to lose my mind."

"Well, at least you managed to make her take a break today."

"It wasn't easy, I assure you. She tried to convince me to let her attend classes." He let out another sigh. "Well, enough of that. Lorlen, what can I - "

He broke off in mid-sentence and fixed his attention on the hall. Lorlen heard the sound of quiet footsteps, and moments later, Sonea appeared. She was walking slowly, wringing her hands, her brow furrowed.

Akkarin narrowed his eyes, and called her name. She started slightly, and turned to face them.

"High Lord, Administrator, I didn't realise you were in there", she said with a bow.

Akkarin beckoned, and she moved into the room, taking in the details before returning her attention to them.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better. Takan brought me some food earlier."

"I see. Were you outside all the time?"

"Yes. I was – thinking. About a lot of things."

Lorlen frowned slightly as he watched their interaction. Something was off, but he couldn't put his finger on it right away. Then, he realised that it was Sonea's behaviour that was unusual – whenever he'd seen her interact with Akkarin in the past, she'd been very keen to avoid eye contact, always keeping her gaze lowered. Not today – her gaze kept flitting around, as though she didn't know where to look, and he could have sworn that she had tried to establish eye contact with Akkarin once or twice. Not that she could endure his intense gaze long – but then again, there were few who could.

"Well, I am glad to see you spend some time outside for a change", Akkarin stated with a wry smile. "Did you reach any conclusions?"

She shook her head. "My thoughts were going in circles, and it was starting to drive me crazy. I need to distract myself, but I have no idea how – I'm guessing I'm not allowed to study?"

"Indeed. You are supposed to rest."

"Well, I don't know what else to do", she huffed.

Lorlen found that somewhat alarming, and it seemed that Akkarin shared the sentiment, for he frowned.

"You are very welcome to peruse the library for anything that strikes your fancy, as long as it doesn't have anything to do with your studies. I can send Takan to assist you, if you'd like."

"That would be great. Thank you, High Lord."

"You need a hobby", Akkarin told her bluntly.

"I don't have time for a hobby!"

"Takan has time for a hobby."

"Really?", she asked, astonished.

Lorlen suppressed a chuckle.

"What, did you think he spends all his days slaving away for me without ever doing anything fun?"

Sonea winced. "I wasn't really thinking anything", she muttered. "I figured servants had a lot of work to do is all."

"That is true. However, I do give him days off occasionally. Of course, you wouldn't have noticed, since you have a habit of making yourself scarce."

Sonea chose not to respond to that. Akkarin steepled his fingers.

"I was being serious, Sonea. I want you to pick something that you do for yourself. And I don't care what it is. While I would prefer it if you spent more time outdoors, you are free to choose something else. And if you'd rather stay here, you could start painting, perhaps. I hear you're pretty good at sketching maps."

Sonea flushed slightly, and Lorlen decided to come to her rescue.

"Or you could learn how to play an instrument", he suggested with a grin.

"Anything but that", Akkarin groaned. "I still remember the absolute horror of my youngest sister learning how to play the violin. My ears were bleeding."

Sonea looked very surprised to hear this.

"I understand that you take your studies very seriously, but if you never do anything for fun, you'll end up like Lorlen here."

"Excuse me?!"

"And one Lorlen's enough", Sonea said with a sage nod.

"Indeed."

"I'm insulted", Lorlen huffed, placing a hand over his heart, feigning hurt.

"You'll get over it", Akkarin replied.

"I'll think about what you said, High Lord. In the meantime, I'll be familiarising myself with your library."

"By all means."

Sonea bowed, and left.

Shortly after, Takan returned with the sumi. Akkarin thanked him before asking him to join Sonea in the library.

"Do you know her reading preferences, my lord?", Takan asked.

"No. I don't know what kinds of books Rothen gave her to read back when he taught her, but it's possible that most of the books she's read were textbooks."

"I see. I'll recommend a few things to her, see if anything catches her fancy."

"Thank you."

Lorlen picked up his cup and blew on his drink to cool it.

"No hobbies to speak of. What was Rothen thinking?", Akkarin complained as soon as Takan had left, covering his eyes with one hand.

"He was probably focusing on teaching her all the skills she'd need to be able to join the university", Lorlen pointed out. "And it seems that she actually enjoyed spending time with him, which would have made up for the lack of recreational activities."

Akkarin lowered his hand and glared at Lorlen. Lorlen felt a brief flash of fear, but resolutely pushed the feeling away. He was not going to be cowed by Akkarin, not this time.

"Don't look at me like that. You're to blame for the fact that she no longer has anything left she can enjoy."

"Good one, Lorlen."

"What do you mean?", Lorlen asked, confused.

"Wait, you actually believe that. You think that I'm the one to blame here. Well then, I have bad news for you: The one responsible for this mess is you."

"What? How dare you - "

"Think for a moment. If you had only done your job during Sonea's Guardianship Hearing, had only confirmed that she was speaking the truth instead of digging around in her memories, we wouldn't be in this situation. But no, you just had to poke your nose where it didn't belong. If it hadn't been for you, Sonea would have had no reason to fear me. She was certainly unsettled by what she'd witnessed that night, but she didn't understand what it was that she'd seen. But you just had to tell her. If you hadn't done that, you'd have been the only one suffering the consequences of your actions. But you just had to drag her into this, and, by extension, Rothen."

"I was worried that - "

"I don't care about your intentions, Lorlen. They don't change the fact that, because of your actions, I had to find a way to silence three people instead of one. And if you hadn't been so damn nosy, none of us would be in this mess. We'd all be so much happier."

Lorlen was stunned into silence. He tried to come up with something to say to defend himself, but, with a sinking feeling, he realised that Akkarin was right. If he ignored why he'd done the things he'd done, and just looked at the actions themselves, he had to admit that his decision to ask Sonea to show him that memory had set in motion a chain of events that had led them to this point. Lorlen sagged in his chair.

"Hurts, doesn't it, when you realise you've done something wrong", Akkarin said quietly.

Lorlen glanced up, expecting to see malice in the High Lord's dark eyes, but instead, there was only sadness, and some kind of sympathy.

"I take it you're familiar with that feeling?", Lorlen croaked.

"The list of my regrets is endless", Akkarin sighed.

"What would have happened, had I never discovered your secret?"

"I cannot say. However, I'd advise you not to get too wrapped up in thoughts like that – it's a dangerous road to take. We cannot change the past; it has been written, and the ink has dried."

Lorlen didn't know what to say to that. Logically, he knew that, but his heart didn't want to listen. Feeling like he might go insane if he continued thinking about this, he desperately tried to think of something else they could discuss.

"I was surprised by Sonea's behaviour, earlier", he ventured tentatively.

It seemed to be a good choice of subject because Akkarin immediately perked up.

"She's been full of surprises as of late", he said with a chuckle. "Two days ago, she showed up in my library, looking for something to help her with an assignment. She'd never shown an interest in exploring the residence before.
"The following day, I found her in the garden, quite distressed – she'd found a young songbird with a broken wing, and her seemingly boundless compassion caused her to feel sorry for the tiny creature. She may well be the most compassionate person I have ever met – few would go as far as to show pity and empathy toward someone who had wronged them, for example."

Lorlen thought back to the Formal Battle Sonea had fought against Regin, a year ago, and had to agree. Regin had tormented her mercilessly – and Lorlen was certain that he didn't even know about every terrible thing he'd done to her – and despite that, Sonea had been willing to Heal him after she'd knocked him unconscious.

If she hadn't impressed everyone in the Guild with her honourable conduct during the fight, she had most certainly done so when she'd shown kindness to someone who had hurt her.

"She's amazing, isn't she", Lorlen mused.

Akkarin let out a chuckle. "Now, Lorlen, I guess there was a reason you came to see me?"

"Oh! Yes, I'd almost forgotten, what with everything…" Lorlen picked up the folder and handed it to Akkarin. "I've received these, and would love to run them by you. Some of the demands made in these are quite outrageous, and I fear we might need some royal intervention."

"I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you. Thankfully, King Merin tends to listen to you."

"Hm. Though I am certain there are some that aren't pleased by this. Oh, well. Such is life, I suppose."

"Politics", Lorlen groaned.

"Politics", Akkarin agreed.

---

Once Lorlen had left, Akkarin went to his study to tackle the matters Lorlen had entrusted him with. He was glad that they had managed to part on somewhat amicable terms, though their fight had been unpleasant. However, Akkarin had felt the need to set Lorlen straight. The way he felt morally superior to Akkarin had grated.

— Master?

— What is it, Takan?

— Do you know Lady Sonea's favourite dish?

— Why do you want to know that? Wait, I didn't -

— You didn't miss her birthday, no. I just thought I could make it tonight, do something nice for her.

— I'm sure she'll appreciate that.

Akkarin fell silent for a moment as he pondered how to answer Takan's question. He did know the answer, but not because he'd ever bothered to ask her, or made an effort to connect with her. No, he had stolen that information directly from her mind. While he had, on occasion, made use of all that knowledge, sometimes without even noticing, he felt that it would be wrong if he told Takan. Especially considering the current situation. If Takan were to mention to Sonea that Akkarin had been the source of that information, it would certainly not go over well.

And besides, the information was somewhat dated. It was possible that her preferences had changed meanwhile.

— I don't know her favourite dish. You should ask Rothen's servant. I'm sure she could tell you.

— Good idea. I can also ask her about what kinds of books Lady Sonea liked to read.

Akkarin smiled to himself as Takan's mind drifted off, and withdrew. He was immensely pleased by the budding friendship between Takan and Sonea – she currently had no-one she could confide in, and Takan would be able to help her with the things she was sure to struggle with in the near future.

You could help her, too, the annoying voice piped up again. You understand trauma just as well as Takan. This would be an excellent chance to improve things between you and Sonea. Establish yourself as someone she can rely on.

Akkarin wanted to strangle the voice. Doing something like this would mean taking advantage of the vulnerable state she was in. He knew with absolute certainty that Takan had no ulterior motives, that he was acting out of genuine kindness. Akkarin couldn't say the same thing for himself.

He sighed, and buried his face in one hand. He knew he would have to talk to Sonea, explain things to her – she deserved to know the truth, now more than ever. Keeping her in the dark would be unfair, and risky. He hoped fervently that she would be willing to believe him.

I should give her space for now, give her time to process everything. It wouldn't do to overwhelm her when last night's events are still so fresh on her mind. She's been through enough already.

---

Sonea raised her hand, then paused, biting her lip. Even though she'd made up her mind earlier, doubts now crept in. Scolding herself for second-guessing herself, she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders.

Once Takan had left her to her reading, she'd sat down in one of the window seats with a book on sea creatures. Conveniently enough, the windows overlooked the path leading up to the residence, and Sonea had surreptitiously kept an eye out for Lorlen.

Once he had left, she had waited for another half hour, not wanting to pounce on Akkarin the moment his guest was gone. After that time had elapsed, she had set out to find him. However, the sitting room had been empty, and she hadn't been able to find him in the guestroom, either. It had still been too early for the evening meal – the only options left had been his study, and his bedroom.

And that was how she'd ended up in front of this door. Sonea didn't know if Akkarin was inside – but if he wasn't, she'd see him at the evening meal – it was a Firstday, after all. She could still ask to speak with him then.

She was not going to bother him if he was in his bedroom.

Before she could change her mind again, Sonea resolutely rapped her knuckles against the door. It opened only moments later, and she stepped inside.

The study was a small, but nice-looking room. The dim light of the afternoon sun fell in through a window that almost took up the entire wall, illuminating a massive desk carved out of some kind of valuable wood – Sonea didn't know what kind of wood it was, only that it cost a fortune.

Akkarin was sitting behind the desk, writing something. He looked up, and his expression shifted into one of surprise.

"Sonea! I wasn't expecting to see you."

"Oh, um, I can come back later if now's a bad time? Or, or tomorrow."

Unable to stop herself from fidgeting this time, she wrung her hands.

"I was merely surprised to see you – you've never sought me out before."

"Well, I guess there's a first time for everything", she replied with a slightly nervous laugh.

Good grief, why was she so nervous?

Get a grip, Sonea.

"Indeed. Give me a moment – once I've finished writing this letter, I'll have time for you. Take a seat – you can leave the door open, if you'd like."

Sonea had been about to close the door – since it'd been closed upon her arrival – but paused to determine if she'd prefer the door to be open, or closed. Open seemed like the better option, this time.

This was the second time he'd asked her whether she'd like for a door that was usually closed to remain open. Sonea guessed he was trying to put her at ease. She felt herself appreciating the gesture.

With a start, she realised she'd forgotten to bow to him – however, he'd already turned back to his letter. Bowing to him now would be weird.

She settled into the chair in front of his desk, and barely managed to suppress an exclamation when she saw what Akkarin was writing. Not because of what the letter was about – since everything was upside-down from her perspective, she couldn't read it – but because he made writing seem so effortlessly elegant. This, she found, wasn't fair.

"Did my letter do something to offend you, or are you trying to curse the recipient?"

Sonea jumped, and looked up to find Akkarin watching her with an amused look on his face.

"No – it's not like I even know who it is for."

"Then why were you glaring at it?"

"Because – because it's not fair", she complained. "Your handwriting is so pretty, while mine is – well, you've seen my notes, haven't you."

Feeling incredibly self-conscious, she lowered her gaze. Akkarin paused before putting his pen down.

"Sonea, you are doing yourself a great disservice by comparing us like this", he told her softly, lacing his fingers together. "Tell me, how long ago did you start to learn how to read and write?"

"Uh, well, I first started reading lessons while I was on the run from the Guild", she replied with a slight frown, looking up. "The Thief who was hiding me had a scribe he lent me. Rothen taught me how to write after I came here, and continued working on my reading skills, as well. That was about half a year before I became a novice."

"So that's been two years? Maybe three?"

"Something like that, yes."

"Noble children are taught how to read and write as soon as they are able to hold a pen, and I was no different. Additionally, my tutors kept telling me that I was gifted. I've had over twenty years to perfect my calligraphy. The reason you can't keep up with the people around you is simply because you've had so much less time to practice writing, and through no fault of your own. To think that you were able to get to the point where you were able to attend classes in such a short time is astounding, really. You should be proud of yourself."

Sonea stared at him in disbelief. Part of her figured that, based on what he'd just told her, all of her classmates had been reading and writing for almost ten years before joining the Guild. Still, she had a hard time thinking of her terrible writing skills as anything else than, well, terrible.

"Sonea, you lack self-esteem. The way you put yourself down constantly hampers your progress. You would get better results if you believed in yourself more."

"I don't think it's that simple. I'm not going to get better at writing simply by believing that I can be better."

"That is true", he conceded. "But having more faith in yourself would certainly not hurt." He stilled suddenly before shifting his weight in his chair. "I just had an idea – that is, this is just a suggestion on my part, you are under no obligation – but if you'd like, I could – I could tutor you."

His fingers were twitching, and he glanced away from her. With a start, Sonea realised he was nervous – afraid that she would say no. The thought that he, one of the most powerful men in all the Allied Lands, was afraid that she, the slum girl, would reject his offer, was baffling.

"Do you think it would help? That I'd get better?"

He glanced up, the expression on his face unreadable. "You would certainly get better, both at writing words, and at spelling. I can't promise that you'd ever be able to write the way I do, since, as mentioned before, I am gifted in this area, but – Lord Larkin showed me the maps you drew for him. The ability to draw and the ability to write beautiful letters are often linked to one another."

"And – you'd have time for this?"

"I should be much more invested in your education than I am, to be honest", he replied with a wry smile. "But until now, there wasn't much I could have tutored you on that would have been helpful to you. Or that you would have cared to learn."

"Would practising calligraphy count as a hobby?", she asked, trying very hard not to grin.

He let out a huff. "I'd let it count, but – are you certain that you want this to be your hobby? Spending time with me?"

Sonea paused. Only a day ago, the answer would have been a resounding "no". She'd have done anything to stay as far away from him as she possibly could, and would have only accepted an "offer" if she had taken it as an order or a demand.

She frowned as she tried to put how she felt into words. Not exactly an easy task.

"I do want to get better, desperately – I hate feeling so inadequate, even if you tell me that there's no reason for that. And yours is, by far, the prettiest handwriting I've ever seen. Could we – maybe do something like a trial run, see how this works out for us? I have no idea what you're like as a teacher, and I am, as you pointed out, not the average novice."

He grimaced at the reminder. "I need to clarify something on that front – I truly meant that to be a compliment. I am aware, though, that my choice of words was poor, which I realised as soon as I'd spoken them."

"Oh", said Sonea. "The thought honestly didn't occur to me. People usually only brought this up whenever they wanted to 'remind me of my place'."

Akkarin scoffed. "Every single person willing to dismiss you based simply on your origins is a fool."

Sonea gaped at him. Her reaction didn't seem to please Akkarin, as he frowned at her.

"You desperately need more self-confidence", he stated. "Which is why I'm giving you an assignment. I want you to start writing a diary, if you will. Every evening, you'll write down all the things that you've managed to accomplish that day. I don't expect you to write several pages worth of things each day, but you should, at the very least, have done one thing you can be proud of. And keep in mind that 'being good at something' is relative. If you struggle with something – like Warrior Skills – you may think that you being able to do something others can do effortlessly isn't worth mentioning. It is, though, since, for you, it was hard. You don't have to show me the diary, unless you want to – it's supposed to help you get a better view of yourself, make you appreciate your many talents more. You may be surprised at what you'll find out about yourself that way."

Sonea considered this. It didn't sound like a terrible idea, although she had no idea how successful she'd be at this.

Then again, maybe this is something I need to practise, too.

"I'll try my best. Though I don't have anything I could use as a diary – I'd have to purchase a book or something."

"Do you have enough money? Should I raise your allowance?"

"Raise my – I have more money than I can spend, even though I give some of it to my aunt and uncle every month! I most certainly don't need more money." Sonea sobered as she remembered that she was, essentially, confined to the Guild grounds, at least for now. "I guess I won't be able to do that for a while."

"I'm sure Viola would run an errand for you if you asked her to. Or, if you're not comfortable with that – you could ask Rothen's servant. I haven't forbidden you from speaking with her, and I don't see the need to."

Sonea stilled at the reminder that, technically, she was still his hostage – just because her perspective of things had changed – might continue to change – didn't mean he was going to let her go – whether in the figurative or the literal sense. Sonea knew that, even if he wanted to, he couldn't just hand her back to Rothen – it would raise too many questions.

Akkarin seemed to have realised he'd just touched on a sensitive subject, if his expression was anything to go by.

Sonea resolutely pushed these thoughts from her mind for now – one thing after the other.

"I think I'd prefer to ask Tania – it's not that I don't trust Viola, but I don't know her as well."

"As you will. Now, Sonea, I really need to finish this letter. We can talk once I'm done, all right?"

She nodded in reply, and busied herself with looking around the room. One wall was taken up by a bookcase – based on what she could see, the books in here were whatever he might need for work or correspondence – books on finances, the law, even etiquette.

The other wall was bare except for a large painting depicting a sunset by what appeared to be the sea. Sonea had never actually seen it for herself – although she had been to the Marina – but knew that it was an enormous body of water. This certainly looked the part. The painting was stunningly beautiful, and she soon lost herself in admiring all the little details.

The rustling of parchment told her that Akkarin was done with his letter. Sonea turned to face him as he placed the finished letter in a box, and put his writing utensils away. Then, he fixed his dark eyes on her.

"We need to talk", Sonea blurted out before he could say anything, "about what happened last night. And other things. You – you said that you had proof, now. I – I need answers. I've been running around in circles – inside my head, that is – and I fear I'll go insane if I don't - "

"Calm down, Sonea", Akkarin interjected in a soothing tone. "You won't be able to think clearly if you're this agitated. Take a couple of deep breaths. Slow down."

Realising she'd just spoken in one breath, Sonea sucked in a lungful of air, and tried to slow her breathing. After a while, she could feel herself calm down.

"I was planning on speaking with you, though I had wanted to allow you some time to process everything first. Although it seems that waiting any longer does not agree with you."

She shook her head.

"Very well. I know you must have many questions, and I promise to answer them all to the extent of my ability – unless they concern matters and secrets that I cannot share with you. I am beholden to certain things, you see."

"That sounds – acceptable."

"All right. Well then, is there anything in particular that you would like to start with?"

"You promised to tell me how you can communicate with Takan."

Akkarin blinked, evidently surprised by her choice of topic. "I suppose it is as good a place as any for us to start from", he mused. "Very well. First off, are you aware of the murders happening in the slums?"

"My aunt told me about a murderer wearing a ring with a red gem", Sonea replied. "I've been thinking about this matter just this morning. How is this relevant, though?"

"You may have been wondering why someone who wants to commit a crime would be foolish enough to wear a ring like that."

"I did wonder about that, yes."

"Well, you see, these gems are special. They're called Blood Gems, and they have magical properties. Blood magic and black magic are different matters – one can learn the one without learning the other – and I suppose that learning blood magic would not count as a crime according to Guild laws – but I digress. Most magicians that I know of practice both.
"As the name suggests, the gems contain blood – usually that of the creator, although it is possible to use another person's blood instead. Assuming that the creator used his own blood, he can use this gem to establish a mental link with whoever is wearing the gem. This has two big advantages over ordinary mental communication: Other magicians cannot detect the conversation, and it enables non-magicians to communicate with magicians. Takan has one of my gems – it was through that gem that I managed to wake him, managed to hatch the plan to distract the assassin."

"That sounds convenient. Why doesn't everyone use these gems?"

"That knowledge was deemed too dangerous. You see, Blood Gems enable the creator to access the mind of the wearer at any given time. Not only can I read Takan's mind, I can also see and hear everything around him. While it is possible to tune out minds connected to your own, having too many Blood Gems is not advisable, as it will cause your mind to 'fracture'."

"I see. So, this murderer is connected to a magician who made the gem, then?"

"Murderers. There have been several of them. But yes. The magicians who sent them – the Ichani – use these gems to keep tabs on their men, to make sure they don't abandon their mission, or betray them – but they also use them to gather information. This is how Kariko might have found out about you, if he was paying attention."

"Oh", Sonea said, feeling a chill coming over her. "I'm not sure he ever saw my face, the intruder, that is – I certainly never saw his."

"Kariko doesn't have to know what you look like in order to track you down. Knowing that you are with me would be enough – the next spy he sends could find out more about you with very little effort."

"Fair point."

"It was probably due to the amount of power the creator gains over the wearer that this knowledge was deemed too dangerous, and was buried."

"That makes sense – wait", Sonea whispered as she realised something horrifying. "Lorlen has a ring like that – you didn't – you're not - ?"

The look she gave him was almost pleading – she desperately wanted him to tell her that he hadn't done what she feared.

However, Akkarin's expression was grave, and he made no move to reassure her.

"Lorlen has another one of my gems, yes. However, unlike Takan, he doesn't wear it willingly. I made him wear it after finding out that he knew my secret, to keep him in line. Out of the three of you, Lorlen is the most dangerous, the one who could cause the most harm. I cannot afford to let him do as he pleases."

"But, surely, that's a little extreme? I thought he was your friend?"

"My 'friend' decided to expose my secret to the Guild, and started plotting my downfall, the moment he learned the truth from you. Sonea, do you know the punishment for practising black magic?"

She mutely shook her head, somewhat unnerved by the intensity of his gaze.

"It's execution", he told her bluntly. "No other crime will earn you such a punishment. Even seeking to learn black magic will get you expelled. The Guild has conditioned itself to fear black magic to the point it has lost all rationality. Lorlen – my friend – didn't even consider talking to me, didn't even consider that I might have reasons for doing what I do. No, he immediately marked me as power-hungry and evil. And I can assure you that Lorlen is very familiar with every law the Guild has. He knew he was condemning me to death."

Sonea was stunned. She had not expected this – she was familiar with most of the Guild's laws, but she hadn't known that executing people was even a thing.

"I'm guessing that he purposefully withheld that information from you. I don't know if Rothen knows."

"But – do you really think that he would have dared to do something, when you were keeping me here?"

Akkarin let out something that sounded almost like a sigh, and glanced away briefly, before fixing his eyes on her again.

"Sonea, Lorlen would sacrifice both you and Rothen if he thought he could win against me that way", he told her softly.

"No – there's no way. He wouldn't. He – no. You – you're lying. I won't - "

"Lorlen is not thinking as an individual, but as a leader. And leaders sometimes have to make choices like this – have to decide whom to sacrifice, and whom to save. I would do the same thing, as a leader, myself. However – Lorlen is blind as to the real danger. He thinks he's acting for the greater good, that sacrificing you or Rothen would be worth it in the long run. He's wrong. If he did succeed in removing me from the picture – in whatever manner – you would all die."

Sonea didn't know what to say to that. She didn't know a thing about leading, couldn't say if what Akkarin claimed was actually true. A good leader ought to try and save as many people as possible, right?

Again, she found that she didn't have the knowledge needed to form a solid opinion on the matter. Instead, she focused on something else.

"Why would we all die?"

"Do you know why the Ichani want me dead?", he returned.

"No. I have been trying to figure that out, but have had no success."

"Because I'm the only thing standing in the way of them realising their dream of conquering Kyralia, and destroying the Guild."

"Come again?"

"Do you remember the night the last spy broke into the residence?"

"I do", she replied in a clipped tone.

"I told you, back then, that the Sachakans both hate and fear us. Some of them have been desiring revenge for a long, long time. They haven't forgotten the Sachakan War."

"But – that was centuries ago!"

"That's easy for us to say, as the victors. While we suffered our share of pain and loss, it was infinitely worse for the Sachakans. Furthermore, I've heard that Kyralian magicians committed atrocities during the war. I don't know if these reports were exaggerated or not, but war tends to bring out the worst in people. Besides, the truth doesn't necessarily matter – if the Sachakans believe that they were wronged, then that would be enough for them to want revenge. Besides, they are a proud people. They do not take kindly to insults, and losing a war is a rather grave insult."

"They started the war!"

"True. But that hardly matters at this point."

Sonea mulled this over.

"I've never heard anyone mention a potential threat from Sachaka", she said with a frown. "Surely, this would be common knowledge? At least the Higher Magicians ought to know. And do something about it."

"I'm sorry to say that they don't know. The Guild hasn't cared to keep an eye on Sachaka, confident that the devastation wrought during the War was enough to cripple the country to the point the Sachakans wouldn't attempt another invasion. The Guild's current leadership is completely and utterly unaware of the danger. I told you – Lorlen thinks I'm the enemy."

"You haven't exactly done much to convince him otherwise", Sonea pointed out. "Regardless of your reasons. Your actions only made you seem like a villain even more."

"I'm well aware of that. However, I didn't have the means to convince him – I can't let him into my mind, the risk that he would learn black magic through me is too great. While I doubt that Lorlen would ever be capable of abusing that kind of power, it would put him in the same position as me – the risk of the entire Guild turning on him. I couldn't do that to him, not on top of everything else."

"But then – how comes that you know?", Sonea asked with a frown. "It seems a bit – convenient – that you, the only person using black magic, are also the only one aware of this threat."

"I understand what this must look like, from your perspective. I found out quite accidentally when I went travelling shortly after I graduated. It was also during my travels that I learned black magic. However – before I explain all this in detail, I need you to answer a few questions for me so that I know how much information you are lacking."

"All right."

"What do you know about Sachaka, and what information have you been able to glean from the two assassins who broke into the residence?"

"I only know what we learned about the War in history class, and nothing at all about the country or the people. Well, except for the things I've heard from you, and Takan."

"Go on."

Sonea sat up straighter, feeling like she was back in the classroom. Quizzes were easy – no writing involved.

"The war between Kyralia and the Sachakan Empire broke out when Sachakan magicians invaded. Kyralian magicians rose up to face them, supported by a few magicians from Elyne. Mostly due to their superior co-operation, they managed to drive the invaders back, turn the tide of the war, and start a – counter-invasion? They managed to take Arvice, the Sachakan capital, and the emperor handed over the man who had started the war in an attempt to placate the Kyralians.
"During the War, the technique to share power with other magicians was perfected, and Lady Tessia discovered how to heal with magic. Following the War, the Guild was founded.
"Kyralia tried to rule Sachaka for some time, but that didn't work out, and the magicians returned home. The Sachakan Empire ceased to be, and the rulers called themselves 'kings' afterwards.
"Around that time, the Wasteland was created – although historians can't seem to agree on the who, why and how. Some say that it was created by Kyralians, who were trying to cripple Sachaka to make it impossible for them to invade us again. Others say that it was the Sachakans who did it, created the Wastes as a barrier, to keep us from invading them. I honestly don't know what to believe."

"While I can't say for certain – I wasn't able to unearth any records on that – I think that it's more likely that our side created the Wasteland. The Sachakans certainly believe that. And they resent us for it. I can't even fathom a guess on the 'how'. According to what records we have, the Wastes just appeared, seemingly overnight. This suggests that magic was, somehow, involved, although I have no idea how anyone could have attained such a vast amount of power. Even a black magician releasing all of his magic couldn't cause devastation on such a scale. That we know."

"So – even if you stored up lots and lots of magic, you'd be unable to do something like that? Is there a limit as to how much magic a person can store?"

"I honestly don't know – but if anything, it's less a matter of not being able to store enough magic, and more a matter of there not being enough magic available to take. If a black magician, such as myself, doesn't have access to many powerful sources, he will, in a way, remain limited. I can't take power from Takan indefinitely, not without endangering his health."

Sonea bit her lip. This made sense, somehow.

"To answer the rest of your question – I can't really say much about the first assassin. By the time I arrived, the fighting was as good as over, and you were speaking in a language I couldn't understand. The only thing I could take as factual information that night was that he was Sachakan – and a magician. I – didn't believe any of what you told me. I couldn't figure out why a random Sachakan magician would want to assassinate you, and thought it more likely that he had, like me, stumbled across you practising forbidden magic."

"I can't say that I blame you for that line of thinking – people are usually hesitant to accept an inconvenient truth, especially if it doesn't align with their view of the world. Believing that the assassin had been a victim enabled you to continue thinking the way you had, without having to challenge your belief system. Which is never an easy thing to do."

"I guess so… And, uh, I appreciate that you're being so understanding about all this. Last night's events have – changed my view of things quite a bit."

He gave her a wan smile, and motioned for her to continue.

"In the time between the two attacks, I sometimes tried to figure out what was going on, but couldn't make any headway. I couldn't take you at your word, but I had no other information to go on. It was maddening, really, and I tried to put it out of my mind.
"Last night, I woke up when the assassin cut me, and realised, to my horror, that my magic was being drained. I felt utterly helpless - "

We've all been there.

We've all been there.

Sonea sucked in a startled breath as she realised what Takan had been implying with these words. She stared at her hands, and willed them to stop shaking – when had they started shaking? Surely not. Surely, she must have misunderstood him. He couldn't possibly mean – Sonea sucked in another breath and tried to get herself back under control.

She looked up to find Akkarin leaning toward her, a hand outstretched as if he wanted to offer comfort. When he saw that she was regaining control over herself, he immediately retreated.

Sonea hoped with all her might that he hadn't caught her thoughts just now, and resolved not to tell him in too much detail how the ordeal had affected her, just to be on the safe side.

He's traumatised. That trauma has to come from somewhere.

Sonea laced her fingers together and took a deep breath.

"The first things I noticed about him was that he was a black magician, and that I couldn't place his accent. When I was a kid, I'd like to play a game where I'd listen to people talk, and try to guess what country they were from based on the accent, the words they used. Some people barely have an accent any more if they've been living here for a long time, you know, but the way they phrase things or what words they use still gives them away. I was pretty good at it, too. And, since I could rule out all the Allied Lands right away, this only left one logical conclusion – he had to be from Sachaka."

"Impressive."

"Eh, I don't know. Anyway, I had no idea what he was after at first, not until we were outside in the hall, where he told me that – that we were going to pay a visit to – 'my master'."

She had not been prepared for the look of utter fury that flashed across Akkarin's face. She instantly remembered Takan's warning to not allude to Akkarin that he was anything like a slave master.

Akkarin balled his right hand into a fist, and took a deep breath, which obviously took him some effort.

"He's lucky he's already dead", he growled, eyes flashing.

Sonea kept quiet, not wanting to egg him on – she had to admit that this display was frightening, even if she knew that it wasn't aimed at her.

Closing his eyes, he let out a gusty sigh. "I apologise. It was not my intention to unsettle you. It's not like you were at fault here."

"I – I know. I just – force of habit, I guess?"

"Might be. Habits that are linked to survival – regardless of whether the threat was real or imagined – are difficult to unlearn." He gave her a wry smile. "Don't beat yourself up over it. I should have kept my temper in check."

"Right. Um. I briefly considered trying to lure him away from you, but thought that too risky, especially since I didn't know where Takan was. I didn't want him to get Takan's strength, too."

"Good thinking, Sonea. Things would have been infinitely worse if he'd managed to steal Takan's magic, too."

"I figured that compliance was the only viable option. I wasn't in a position to do anything, not at that moment, but figured that, if I managed to stay conscious, I might be able to something.
"When the assassin demanded that you drop your knife, I thought that this was the end. Thought I was going to die, right then and there. And when you went and dropped your knife – I thought you had gone insane. That we were all doomed – that he'd either kill us, or that, if you managed to overpower him somehow, the magic stored within his body would blow up the entire building. I – I don't know if you know, but – when Rothen and some others finally cornered me, my uncontrolled magic was melting snow, and collapsing brick walls. I – I didn't see how any of us were going to survive this unless you managed to take his magic."

"I didn't have a very concrete plan in mind", Akkarin admitted, "but one thing was certain – I could not allow him to kill you. I was willing to do near anything to find a way to get you to safety. Once you were out of harm's way, I could still come up with a plan for taking him out safely. I could have tried to get my knife back – once I'd shattered his shield, it would have been easy – or I could have sent Takan to fetch me another one. And then – you continued to surprise me yet again. Tell me, Sonea – why did you move towards me? Why didn't you try to escape?"

Sonea frowned as she tried to come up with a good way to explain this.

"Did you ever practice any kind of martial arts? Sword-fighting?"

She knew that was something some Warriors did, although it was more of a hobby; a relic from bygone days, nothing that had practical values in the eyes of people capable of wielding magic.

"I dabbled a bit when I was young, but it didn't hold much interest for me. Being an especially powerful novice, I was much more interested in honing my magical abilities."

"You were powerful from the start? How powerful?"

"I honestly can't recall", he replied with a wry smile. "It's been too long since I've been at my natural level."

"Oh, I see. Well then, allow me to explain a few things – mind you, I'm not an expert at martial arts, either, but I do know a thing or two. Simply speaking, being in a situation where your opponent has a weapon, and you don't, is bad – which should be fairly obvious", she added with a lopsided grin. "In such a scenario, you should try to disarm your opponent, and take his weapon for yourself. However, things get a lot more complicated when your enemy has control over your body, in whatever form. I'd never heard of anyone keeping someone in place by digging a hand in the other person's hair, but let me tell you, it's effective. In addition, I barely had the strength to stand upright, which further limited my options. Taking his knife was out of the question.
"Letting myself fall was the best thing I could think of – I was hoping that he'd think that I was losing consciousness or something. Next, I had two goals: Get the knife, and get away. Since the knife was in front of me, continuing in that trajectory made sense. I could use the momentum caused by my first lunge to continue forward, and hopefully make it. Going either right or left after picking up the knife would have cost me more strength and effort, and it would have meant that I would have to get past him. Assuming that I managed to do that, this would still leave me defenceless – I didn't have enough magic left to form a shield – I'd actually considered that I might be able to manage one single Strike, and was resolved to go down fighting rather than – but that was before you and Takan distracted him. Furthermore, I knew, somehow, that I'd be safe if I made it to your side, that you didn't want me dead – as much as that confused me. Takan would have been unable to help me – heh, I would have found myself trapped by the barrier you put up around him, which I wasn't aware of at that moment."

"I see. That is all quite fascinating", he replied, steepling his fingers, a thoughtful look on his face.

"Um", said Sonea, very eloquently.

"It seems that we got a little side-tracked."

"Right, sorry", she replied with a grimace. "So. What I found out from the second assassin was that he was a black magician from Sachaka, and that he was very determined to kill you. Though – I have absolutely no idea why he thought that taking me as a hostage would work – if he'd observed us, he would've never had come up with that kind of plan."

"His approach was certainly unusual", Akkarin replied with a frown. "Usually, these spies will rent a room somewhere in the slums and lie low, until they work up the courage to go looking for their first victim. They'll visit places like bolhouses, where they're likely to be able to casually touch people and check if they have magical potential. They try to strengthen themselves as quickly as they can, without drawing too much attention. The one who came here a year ago found the passages under the city by accident, and wound up underneath the residence. He wasn't quite ready to fight me yet – he'd been trying to scout out the place. I caught him.
"This one, however – seeing how all the others before him had failed, he decided to try a new method. He'd heard that I had a favourite novice – a female one – and, since he didn't know what that word meant, he assumed that you were my main power source. Sachakan magicians are protective of their slaves, especially the powerful ones, in the sense that they consider them valuable assets. They usually do not take kindly to losing them, in whatever manner – unless, of course, they kill them themselves. He theorised that I would not want to risk him killing you."

"So, he basically thought that I was your slave."

Akkarin winced. "Yes."

"I figured as much", Sonea replied, balling her right hand into a fist.

He took a deep breath, visibly letting out tension as he did so. Sonea decided to follow his example, and unclenched her jaw – she hadn't even noticed how tense it had been.

"I also spoke with Takan today", Sonea said. "Based on the things the two of you mentioned, I had questions, and I was planning on getting his view on things, as well. When he brought me food, it seemed as good a time as any." She took another deep breath, and unclenched her fist, thought that took some effort. "I asked him – if he'd been a slave, before he came here. I'd already suspected it, and wasn't too terribly surprised when he confirmed it. He told me that in Sachaka, you're either a magician, or a slave, which, I'll be frank, was quite horrifying. Based on that – as well as the things that you said – I assumed that at least some Sachakan magicians practise black magic, and that they use their slaves as power sources."

"Both assumptions are correct."

Sonea took a shuddering breath. "It's hard to imagine", she admitted. "An entire country populated by slaves – assuming that their society is structured similar to ours, I'm guessing that there are a lot more slaves than magicians."

"Indeed. Though not all slaves have magical potential – magicians who own large estates or businesses usually keep slaves to do manual labour and the like, while also keeping slaves they draw power from. Not so the Ichani – they live in the Wastes, where resources are scarce, and survival without magic impossible. They cannot afford to keep slaves with no magical potential alive."

"How awful. But why would they live there, if living conditions are so bad?"

"They don't do so by choice. The Ichani are outcasts – banished to the Wastes by their king. They are the lowest of the low, and they like to remind others of it. Rasing crops or livestock in the Wastes is virtually impossible, so they adopted a nomadic lifestyle. They often fight each other over resources, or because they can't stand each other. One would assume that they'd band together to overthrow the king – or at least force him to accept them back – but no."

Sonea was silent for a moment. "It seems there's a lot about them that the Guild doesn't know", she mused.

"Oh, this doesn't just concern the Sachakans", he replied with a humourless laugh. "The Guild doesn't even know its own history."

"What do you mean?"

"What you told me earlier, about the Sachakan War, was correct information – at least as far as we can know, not having been there – but it was only a small fraction of the truth. The rest – like the knowledge of making Blood Gems – has been buried and obscured. The Guild lies to itself, denies its own past. Not that anyone here is aware of it.
"What I am about to tell you is the real history, all of it – I found this information buried in a chest deep underneath the university. A historical record from the time shortly before the Guild banned black magic. I'll only provide you with a brief summary of the most important events, but you are welcome to read these records yourself, if you're interested." His eyes lost focus for a moment as he seemed to consider how to proceed. "What you know as black magic has another name – higher magic. The Sachakans still use this term to this day – there are no laws against its use in Sachaka, and all Sachakan magicians are capable of using it."

Sonea sucked in a startled breath. This was far, far worse than she had assumed.

"As you may know, the use of this magic was banned in all the Allied Lands – but this is a rather recent development. For a long, long time, higher magic was used in every country – its use predates the Guild by hundreds of years. Higher magic was, as the name suggests, considered the peak of magical learning – something every magician strove to achieve."

"But – that's – why would they do that? Why would they use a power like this?"

"Do you think of black magic as evil?"

"Well, yes."

"That is a flawed way of thinking. Ultimately, magic is a tool. Would you consider a knife to be evil?"

"Of course not."

"And yet, you can use knives to harm and kill others. It is the same with magic. Of course, you can cause much more devastation with black magic than with a knife, but ultimately, it is still just a tool."

Sonea considered this. Part of her rebelled against the idea that this kind of magic could be anything else than evil.

"Do you think Takan is a victim, that I am harming him by taking his strength?"

Biting her lip, Sonea evaded his eyes as she considered this. Based on what she had gathered, Takan appeared to be a willing participant, and Akkarin certainly seemed concerned for his well-being. And, as far as she could tell, Takan hadn't been harmed by this – at least not permanently. Based on what she'd seen of their relationship, Sonea was willing to bet that Akkarin would Heal Takan after taking strength from him.

"No", she said quietly, "I don't think so. He actually told me that he could leave, theoretically – but that you'd die if he did."

"Indeed", he replied in a quiet voice. "Without Takan, I wouldn't have anyone to draw magic from. Eventually, I'd be unable to fight off the spies."

Sonea shuddered at the thought. If what Akkarin said was true – and she had more and more reasons to believe him – that would spell the end of the Guild, and perhaps of the Kyralia she knew.

"The magicians of old understood that the magic they wielded was dangerous, and it was, therefore, not taught to everyone. Since the Guild didn't yet exist, each country had different laws on the requirements for being allowed to learn higher magic. Magicians would take on apprentices – usually one at a time – and teach them in exchange for money, or a little of their magical power. In times of peace, this was seen more as a ritual than anything – the magicians needed little extra power, unless they had to undertake a strenuous magical feat. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement – the magicians had someone to draw power from in a pinch, and the apprentices could easily afford their education. You see, back then, studying magic wasn't limited exclusively to the noble class – as a matter of fact, a law existed in Kyralia that Naturals had to be taught. Lady Tessia was a Natural – and the local magician took her on as his second apprentice. Lady Tessia's father was the village healer – the non-magical kind. Her passion for her father's trade was what spurred her to find a way to use magic to heal people."

This was a rather surprising bit of information – Sonea herself had been given the choice to either join the Guild, or return to the slums with her powers bound so that she would be unable to use them, once she had mastered Control. She had originally favoured the latter – despite Rothen doing his best to convince her to stay – because becoming a magician had felt like betraying her people – none of the Dwells liked the Guild. In fact, it had been Lorlen who had persuaded her to stay – he'd been worried that Akkarin would hunt her down and kill her for her magic, as she'd have been unable to defend herself.

"So – Lady Tessia couldn't have just said 'no' and continued on with her life after mastering Control?"

"I'm not sure. I don't know if blocking someone's magic was already something people knew how to do at that time. Then again, being able to study magic was seen as a privilege, even among the nobility. People usually didn't say 'no' to an offer like that, especially since she was still able to continue working as a healer – if not in an official capacity."

"What do you mean?"

"The healer's guild didn't accept women", Akkarin replied, a strange glint in his eyes. "Something Lady Tessia reportedly took offence to. Being a magician's apprentice gave her more clout, and the guild had a harder time turning her away than they did with other women."

Sonea was quite outraged to hear this, and could completely understand Tessia. Being banned from doing something based on one's sex was stupid.

Funnily enough, the situation in the Magician's Guild was the total opposite – while men were, of course, not forbidden from becoming Healers, male Healers were exceedingly rare. On the other hand, all of the Warriors were male – Akkarin had actually once asked Sonea if she thought it unfair that the few women who had considered becoming Warriors had been "persuaded" to change their minds.

She'd refused to answer, since she hadn't been able to see how her opinion would be relevant. She was just the slum girl. No-one would ever listen to what she had to say.

"As you may have already guessed, the Sachakan War was a war fought between two armies of magicians capable of using higher magic – the Kyralians drawing strength from their apprentices, and the Sachakans from their slaves, respectively. If the Kyralians hadn't been able to use higher magic, they would have surely lost."

"That makes sense", Sonea admitted. "So, then – what happened to convince the Guild to ban it?"

"A tragedy", Akkarin replied quietly. "For hundreds of years, magicians had used their powers wisely, and for the good of all. Despite the enormous power they wielded, none had ever sought to use that power for their own gain. None – except Tagin. It only took one man, and his unquenchable thirst for power, to almost bring the entire Guild to ruin.
"Tagin taught himself higher magic against the wishes of his master. Soon, it was discovered that he'd begun abusing his power, taking magic from the common folk, which was only done in times of great need. And then, he killed his master."

Sonea sucked in a startled breath.

"When the Guild moved to punish him, Tagin began killing indiscriminately to resist them, slaughtering entire villages. Tagin went on a killing spree throughout the land. The Guild sent out over fifty magicians to subdue him, all of them strengthened by their apprentices – and he killed them all. Soon after that, he turned on the Guild.
"In the end, over half of the Guild's magicians were dead. Many had gathered their belongings and fled, while some of them, the chronicler among them, stayed to protect the books and medical supplies. The situation seemed hopeless, and when the sudden and unexpected news of Tagin's death reached the Guild, the chronicler could hardly believe it. However, the devastation caused by Tagin's death was visible from the Lookout. His death was believed to be the work of his sister, who sent a letter that she meant to poison him. It is believed that she was successful."

Sonea felt chilled to her core. The fact that one single man could have caused so much death and devastation was horrifying. And all of these magicians had been able to use black magic! She shuddered to think what would have happened if Akkarin hadn't been able to kill the assassin the previous night – would he then have gone on a killing spree across the Guild, taking lives – and magic – indiscriminately?

"I hope they erected a statue of her – Tagin's sister", she said, once she'd found her voice again.

"I don't know – but even if they did, it was probably taken down later. For you see, following this tragedy, the Guild was reformed. From that time onwards, apprentices were referred to as 'novices' instead, and they would be students of all, and none. A magician by the name of Karron began speaking against higher magic, which he had started to refer to as 'black magic', and advocated that the new novices should not be taught about it at all. Eventually, he had his way. The chronicler, fearing that the Sachakans might, one day, become a threat to Kyralia again, was deeply worried about the future. He managed to persuade the Guild leaders to leave behind a secret stash of knowledge, a secret weapon, the location known only to the Head of Warriors – and his respective successor. However, seventy years later, the Head of Warriors died in a practice bout, not yet thirty years old – it is very likely that he never passed on the knowledge entrusted to him."

"So, Lord Balkan doesn't know about any of this."

"No, most certainly not. These records were lost, and later unearthed again by complete coincidence. The person who found them buried them again, but left a hint in a letter addressed to the high lord – but I will tell you more about that later."

Sonea frowned as something occurred to her. "Why did the Sachakans not take advantage of the fact that the Guild had almost destroyed itself? Why didn't they invade, back then?"

"We may never know the answer to that question", Akkarin replied. "It is possible that the Sachakans were busy with their own affairs – Sachakan society is extremely fractured, there are many different factions that tend to be at odds with one another. They are not nearly as unified as any of the Allied Lands are. Also, somehow, they never became aware of the fact that the Guild had banned higher magic – until some ten years ago."

He fell silent then, the expression on his face shifting abruptly. His hands balled into fists, and he took a deep breath, as though he was steeling himself for something. Sonea sensed a sudden feeling of foreboding.

Akkarin unclenched his hands with visible effort, taking a shuddering breath. When he looked up at her, there was a haunted look in his eyes.

"What I am about to tell you is something I have never told another living person before – Takan only knows because he was there. I – I do not know how well I'll – I will try my utmost to stay detached, to remain in the present – but there is a chance that I might get lost, suffer another flashback, like I did last night."

"Should I try to bring you back again, if that happens?", Sonea asked, leaning forward.

"I – would appreciate that. Just – whatever you do – do not touch my lower arms. If – if I were to mistake you for an enemy – I might Strike you. Which you most likely wouldn't survive."

"All right, I won't", she told him blithely, pointedly ignoring the fact that he might casually, accidentally, kill her. Akkarin seemed to find this odd, but Sonea gave him no time to comment on that. "What about your hands?"

"That'd be fine."

"Upper arms?"

"Yes."

"Shoulders?"

"I guess so."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Yes or no?"

"Yes", he replied with a somewhat exasperated sigh.

"How about a hug?"

He blinked. "You want to hug me?"

"If it helps you?"

He looked completely and utterly baffled. Then, he shook his head. "I honestly can't tell you how I'd react to that – I haven't been hugged often in my life."

"How awful. All right then, we won't try that out today. Can you keep your hands on the desk so that I can reach them easily, if need be?"

"I'll try."

Sonea tried to give him a reassuring smile, although she wasn't sure it didn't seem forced.

"I can only guess as to how this must make you feel, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen. Whenever you're ready."

He gave her a curt nod. However, instead of beginning his tale, his left hand moved toward his right one in a jerky motion, then stopped. Akkarin took another deep breath, grabbed hold of his sleeve, and pulled it back.

Sonea let out a startled gasp. His entire lower arm was criss-crossed in thin, white scars. From what she could see, none of his skin remained untouched.

We've all been there.

… you do remember what Dakova was like.

He killed her, he made me watch as he killed her, and I couldn't do anything!

My former master sometimes drained me to the point I fainted, either as a punishment, or because he desperately needed my strength.

Were you a slave, before?

...you are either a magician, or a slave.

Sonea's mind reeled in shock, and she was sure that what she was feeling was mirrored on her face. She'd had a feeling that this was where all this had been leading up to, but part of her had desperately wanted to refuse to believe it.

Akkarin was one of the strongest magicians the Guild had ever seen, and people often compared her power level to his. For a magician of his calibre to have been injured so often, and be unable to Heal himself, could only mean one thing. Not to mention that he had been unable to save that woman he had mentioned.

He was very pointedly not looking at her, staring at the desk instead. His entire body language screamed extreme discomfort, and shame. Sonea's heart clenched – while scars were usually not pretty to look at, most people didn't get them due to some kind of shortcoming of their own – they were usually the results of accidents, or inflicted on them by somebody else. And Sonea had a pretty good idea as to who was responsible for all of Akkarin's scars – and, by extension, his trauma.

Slowly, as not to startle him, she reached out with her right hand, and gently placed it on his. His left hand was still holding the sleeve, his knuckles white. He sucked in a sharp breath at the contact, but made no move to retract his own hand. Not quite knowing what to say, Sonea tried to communicate her feelings as thoughts instead. Akkarin slowly lifted his gaze to hers, his expression guarded, but slightly, cautiously hopeful.

"It was him, wasn't it. He did this to you."

He expelled a gusty sigh. "Dakova. He was Kariko's brother."

"Was. That's good to hear."

"I'll admit that killing him was satisfying."

She gave him a small smile, and gently squeezed his hand. He surprised her by flipping his hand over, and squeezing back.

"Thank you, Sonea, this means a lot to me."

"I take it you didn't become a victim because you asked for it."

He let out a hollow laugh. "I'm afraid it can be at least partially attributed to me, at least causality-wise – I was young and foolish, thought myself to be invincible – I paid dearly for that."

"You're going to have to elaborate on that because I can't follow", Sonea replied as she slowly retracted her hand.

He nodded. "You may have heard that I left the guild to travel soon after I graduated. I was about the same age as you are now, and quite restless. I used wanting to research ancient magic as an excuse to travel the Allied Lands. Eventually, I discovered some leads that pointed toward Sachaka. I knew that relationships between our countries were not exactly friendly, but being one of the Guild's strongest magicians, and having chosen the Warrior discipline, I thought I could deal with anything.
"I might have been fine if I'd entered from the Kyralian side – travellers and merchants often make the trek to Arvice, and the roads are relatively safe – but I entered from Elyne, and straight into the Wastes. I proceeded to ignore every single warning sign – frightened peasants, for example – and continued deeper into the Wasteland. Eventually, I stumbled upon what appeared to be a caravan, and decided to introduce myself to this wealthy traveller, a man named Dakova. He asked me if I was of the Guild. I told him I was.
"I was not prepared for him to attack me, and asked if I'd offended him somehow. He made no reply. His Strikes were frighteningly powerful, and it wasn't long until I realised that I was going to lose – not something I was accustomed to. When my shield failed, I warned Dakova that, should I not return, other magicians – more powerful ones – would come looking for me. This gave him pause – but my reprieve didn't last long.
"I originally thought that the fact that I had been so exhausted was the reason he was able to read my mind so effortlessly – why I failed to repel him. I found out later that all black magicians possess the ability to read an unwilling mind. Through me, Dakova learned that the Guild had banned black magic – or higher magic, as he called it. This delighted him so much, he decided that the other Ichani had to see this, too. Slaves took away my robes, and gave me rags to wear. I was too exhausted to resist. Initially, I didn't realise that they were slaves, that I was now one as well. I refused to accept this, at first, and attempted to flee several times. Dakova seemed to enjoy the hunt – and the punishment he dealt out afterwards."

Sonea grimaced in sympathy, seeing her worst fears confirmed.

"The other slaves envied me – they dreamt that, one day, a magician would release their powers so that they could become masters themselves. I already knew how to use magic – I only needed to learn black magic. They didn't know that the Guild had banned its use, that I would be breaking the Guild's law even if I used black magic to free myself. They didn't understand why the very idea repulsed me.
"The woman who explained all these things to me was a powerful potential magician – I am certain she would have become an excellent Healer, had she been born in the Allied Lands. Instead, Dakova kept her as a bed slave." Akkarin's face twisted with disgust. "Worse, we eventually fell in love with each other, and Dakova knew – he forbade us from touching each other, and loved to torment us with the knowledge that we could never act on our feelings. The Guild thinks that black magic is evil, but – you don't need black magic – or any kind of magic – to do terrible things. I've seen Dakova do things with his bare hands that I will never forget." He shuddered, his gaze haunted. "Dakova called me his 'little pet Guild magician', and loved showing me off to other Ichani. However, keeping me around was dangerous – so, to prevent me from turning on him, he read my mind every evening, and drained me of all the magic I had recovered during the previous day."

He nodded his head towards his exposed arm, and Sonea swallowed hard. She had a feeling that his other arm was just as badly scarred – and that Takan probably looked no better.

"Not that killing him would have been easy – even if I'd managed to, say, stab him, this would have still resulted in my own death. Besides, Dakova and his brother – who was also one of the Ichani – had made it known that, should either of them be killed, the other one would avenge him. They didn't travel together, but were close enough that no other Ichani would be able to kill one of them, and recover enough strength before the other was upon him. As a result, my situation looked rather dire, and eventually, I gave up hope.
"For five years, I was trapped in Sachaka. Then, one day, Dakova attacked anther Ichani, and found himself losing. Panicking, he drained his slaves of all their magic in a desperate attempt to overcome his adversary, keeping the strongest of us for last. In the end, only myself and Takan survived.
"Dakova won, but was in a vulnerable state for weeks. Soon after, Kariko arrived, and gave his brother some of his own slaves. Just as Dakova had recovered enough magic, he heard that an Ichani he despised was hiding in a nearby mine, and so he set out to kill that man. However, when we arrived, the mine seemed deserted. Dakova sent us to explore the tunnels. Without warning, the floor gave out under me. I was caught by magic, and set down on a hard surface. I had been saved by another Ichani. I assumed that this man would either kill me, or take me as his own, but instead, he led me to a hidden room. There, he made me an offer – he would teach me black magic if I returned to Dakova, and killed him."

Sonea sucked in a sharp breath. A tempting offer, really – using black magic was the only way Akkarin would be able to escape – and Sonea assumed that he'd probably also had a strong desire for revenge.

"I had, long ago, stopped caring about what the Guild did and did not allow after witnessing all the atrocities Dakova had committed. I furthermore didn't expect to survive – I'd either die in the attempt, or be hunted down by Kariko – so I felt that I had not much to lose. However, I told the Ichani that I wouldn't have time to strengthen myself to be able to defeat him. The Ichani understood this, and presented me with a plan.
"He'd laced several bottles of Elyne wine with myk, a powerful drug that confuses the mind. As he – unlike myself – had been able to use magic, the bottles were covered in dust, giving the impression that they couldn't have been tampered with.
"I returned to Dakova and told him that the fall had knocked me unconscious, but that I'd discovered a storage room filled with food. Dakova was angry that his enemy had eluded him, but pleased with the find. I sent another slave out with the wine, glad that Dakova didn't suspect anything – had he sensed anything suspicious in my surface thoughts, he would have read my mind, and discovered the plot.
"When I left the mine, Dakova was lying in a dreamlike state. He woke when I cut him, but was too addled to resist much. It is, in theory, possible to still use magic while being drained, but Dakova was unable to do so."

Sonea shuddered, remembering all too well how helpless she had felt last night. Akkarin noticed, and his eyes widened.

"I'm sorry – I didn't mean to – I should have skipped that part."

"No, no, it's fine", she assured him. "I'm glad he got what he deserved. And, really, you didn't have any other choice."

"That is true. However – I did something terrible, then. I killed all of Dakova's new slaves, as I desperately needed their strength – some part of me was still clinging to the hope that I might survive. I couldn't bear to kill Takan – we had often helped each other out, and formed some kind of bond.
"Despite the fact that I was now many times stronger than I had ever been, I didn't expect to survive – Kariko would soon try to contact his brother, and come to investigate if he didn't receive a reply. In a frenzied state, I took off, not bothering to bring supplies – just wanting to get away.
"After a few days, I noticed that Takan was following me. He'd packed supplies, as well as Dakova's knife, and insisted on treating me as an Ichani master – you can probably imagine how that made me feel."

Sonea grimaced, remembering the look of utter fury on Akkarin's face earlier.

"However, Takan refused to leave my side, and, truth be told, without him, I would have died. Not because I needed his magic – but because I would have been hard-pressed to survive on my own.
"Eventually, we managed to cross the mountains into Kyralia, and realised, much to our astonishment, that we were safe – that we had managed to evade Kariko. When we finally made it to Imardin, we were both emaciated and clad in rags – the guards initially tried to turn me away. However, I was welcomed back warmly, and soon began to forget my worries. Dakova had dreamed of taking down the Guild, but that seemed like a very distant, very unreal threat. I strove to put all that had happened out of my mind.
"By making Takan my servant, I felt that I had freed him as best as I could – he was happy to be able to serve me, and I didn't have to feel terrible about it.
"Not long after, the high lord preceding me died, and people started suggesting names for a successor. Balkan suggested me, much to my surprise, as no-one that young had ever been elected as high lord. Traditionally, that position had been held by a powerful magician, however, and I had accidentally allowed Balkan to sense my strength during a fight in the Arena. Balkan said that my travels had matured me, and the other Higher Magicians agreed. Had they known the truth, they would have been less eager to do so.
"I wasn't keen on the position at first, but began to realise that it could be useful. At the time, I grew worried that Kariko might continue his brother's plans, and try to convince other Ichani to invade Kyralia.
"I'd begun exploring the passages in the university – being as powerful as I was now, I didn't have to worry about cave-ins – and discovered a tunnel underneath the residence that leads into the city. This enabled me to make forays into the slums undetected, and that was how I found the first spy Kariko had sent. Kariko knew that I had somehow leaned black magic, and his plan now hinged on whether the Guild had decided to approve of that. Being the Guild's leader, I could easily make it seem like that was the case – however, should Kariko ever find out the truth, things could become problematic rapidly. If the Higher Magicians learned of my crimes, they would have no choice but to punish me, if only to maintain their credibility. No matter the outcome of that, the Guild would be left defenceless.
"I also stumbled the aforementioned letter, left behind by Lord Coren – the magician who designed most of the university – who himself had found a strange chest buried underground – the secret weapon left to the Head of Warriors. Coren did not, at first, realise what it was that he had found, and experimented with this new magic – creating marvels of architecture never seen before, or since. However, he eventually realised that he'd been using black magic. Feeling horrified – and seeing himself unfit to decide what to do with the knowledge he had unearthed – he buried the chest again, along with his diary. I found his letter when the library here was moved, and suspected what it was that Coren had discovered. I then spent many hours searching the secret passages instead of trying to decipher his riddles."

"And so, you found the chest", Sonea concluded.

"Indeed. Some of the information in there proved quite helpful to me, and the historical record was quite fascinating. It helped with fighting Kariko's spies, too."

"How many of those spies have you killed, since?"

"I've lost count."

"And for how long have you been doing this?"

"Five years, approximately."

"Five! You've been single-handedly keeping everyone safe from a group of bloodthirsty magicians for five years? And no-one ever knew?"

"Of course not. I can't exactly go around and tell people", he replied with a huff.

"It's just – I – I had you all wrong. I thought that you were using this power for your own evil schemes, whatever those were – it never occurred to me that you might have been doing this to keep us all safe! I feel so awful right now."

"Sonea, you had no way of knowing, or even suspecting, the truth", Akkarin replied softly. "And I did precious little to make you think well of me. Please don't try to turn me into some kind of hero – that's not what I am. I have done terrible things, as you well know - "

"Yes, but - "

"The fact that I did them for the greater good doesn't make them any less terrible. I cannot even begin to express the regret I feel for what I did to you – and Lorlen and Rothen – this unspeakable secret of mine cost me my best friend."

Sonea bit her lip. "And – you're quite certain that your friendship can't be mended?"

"Quite certain, yes. Before I forced my Blood Gem on Lorlen, he feared me. Now, he hates me, and for good reason. I have no reason to expect him to ever forgive me."

"I forgive you."

"You can't be serious, Sonea!", Akkarin exclaimed, looking horrified. "I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"Look, I couldn't, in good conscience, continue to hate you after you saved my life. Not to mention all the other things you've done – or not done. Like asking me if I wanted the door to remain open, or being mindful of my boundaries. Which I appreciate a lot, by the way. And you showed concern for my family – people I'd have expected to be far beneath your notice."

"What do you mean by the things I didn't do?", Akkarin asked with a frown.

"Well, I realised some time ago that you could have made things a lot worse for me than they were. I mean, I was certainly unhappy, and afraid of you, but you never went out of your way to make my life miserable, you never – I expected you to take my magic. I couldn't have stopped you, and would have been unable to tell anyone besides."

Akkarin opened his mouth to protest, looking even more horrified, and Sonea hurriedly continued.

"I realise now that you would've never done that, but I didn't know back then."

Sonea thought it better not to mention any of the other things she could think of that he could have done to her, a young, defenceless woman.

He considered this. Then, he fixed her with a rather unnerving stare.

"Do you still fear me?"

"No. Not any more." She paused before saying, with conviction, "You won't harm me."

"No", he replied softly, a strange emotion flickering in his eyes. "I couldn't. Not any more."

The fact that he had considered himself able to do so in the past was somewhat chilling, but Sonea could understand where he was coming from – he had an entire Guild, if not an entire country, to protect. And who was to say that the Ichani would be content with ruling only Kyralia – they could easily conquer the rest of the Allied Lands once the Guild was out of the picture.

Sonea had suspected it since the previous night, but now, it became apparent that Akkarin had fallen into the trap every kidnapper usually sought to avoid – he'd grown attached to his "victim". Sonea knew from stories that the Thieves would either move their hostages, or rotate the people assigned to guard and feed them to prevent this from happening. Akkarin had, of course, been unable to do either, and their proximity had compelled him to grow fond of her to some degree – although Sonea wasn't entirely sure how that had happened. She most certainly had never tried to get him to care, had not expected him to be capable of feeling such emotions.

Oh, how wrong she'd been.

"So… what do we do now?"

"I will continue to hunt down these spies. You will continue to study."

"How long, do you think, until the next one comes?"

"I can't say."

"Oh."

"Don't look so disheartened – I'll try and get into contact with my 'eyes' in the slums soon, and see if I can arrange a meeting between you and your family. Incidentally – do you know if any of your blood relatives share your gift for magic?"

"I don't – should I check?"

"That would be good. If any of them have magical potential, they'll have to be careful not to become a potential target."

"I hadn't even thought of that", Sonea admitted with a worried frown. "Never really considered where I'd got my magic from."

"Well, that's not too surprising."

Sonea hummed, and started wringing her hands as something else occurred to her.

"What is it?"

"I – there is something else I'd like to discuss, although it doesn't have anything to do with the Ichani – well, not directly, but I don't know if it's that important - "

"Sonea, if it bothers you, then it is worth bringing up."

"All right." She took a deep breath. "I have to admit that I'm a bit – lost, for lack of a better word. It's not that I don't believe you – you've shown me enough to convince me that you are telling the truth – but, well, until yesterday, there was a clear line – I was certain that I knew who the enemy was, there was a clear line drawn – but now, that line has blurred, and I – I don't know how to act, to be honest. I tried falling back on Guild rules, hoping that I would find comfort in routine, but – it felt wrong, somehow. I – I've seen a side of you last night I would have never thought existed, and it's markedly changed my perspective, and how I see you as a person. I – I don't know how to go on from here."

Akkarin considered this for a moment.

"You are right, the lines have been blurred, and I don't think we can go back to how we were before – not that I'd want that. I – never liked the fact that you feared me, that I had to instil fear in you to keep you in line. Not that I still see the need to do that, mind you, I trust that you are sensible enough not to do anything that will result in your own death – but going back to how we were seems like a bad idea. I'm afraid we will have to figure out where to go from here – our situation is rather – unique, and we will have to re-define our relationship. I do want to make a few things abundantly clear: I will, henceforth, do my utmost not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and I want you to tell me if something I do does make you uncomfortable. I would also like to point out – for clarity – that I no longer consider you my hostage. Rather, I'm hoping we might be able to build a proper guardian-novice relationship, not this charade I've been playing. You certainly deserve better than that."

"I am willing to give that a try", Sonea replied with a shy smile. "And I appreciate the other things you just said."

He gave her a small smile in return. "Furthermore, I won't insist on you treating me in such a formal manner any more, at least while it's just us. That is, if you're comfortable with that. You obviously don't have to. But I've noticed a certain lack of bowing today, and you don't seem to know how you should address me. If it helps you, you can skip the bowing, and the title."

Sonea was rather surprised to hear that – she'd expected him to continue to insist on the distinction of ranks – but then again, he'd never, not even once, made a derogatory remark about her origins – and, well – he'd been a slave. He might actually feel some sort of kinship with her.

"I think I'd like that", she told him. "But I am allowed to revert to titles and bowing if that makes me more comfortable?"

"Certainly."

"That's good to know."

"Another thing – I take it that you are aware that I can read surface thoughts?"

She gave a halting nod in return, not sure how this was relevant.

"I have tried very hard to stay out of your mind, given – well. However, you have a habit of screaming your thoughts at me, especially when you're suppressing a reaction. I wanted you to know about that, especially given that we might be spending more time with each other in the future. I would also like to point out that you are allowed to speak your mind – you are entitled to your own opinion, even if it disagrees with what I'm doing. I will never reprimand or punish you for speaking your mind. And I hope that, if you suppress yourself less, your thoughts will be less – loud."

"I hadn't realised I was doing anything like that", Sonea whispered.

"You don't have to feel bad about it, I just wanted you to know."

"Right. Oh! Out of curiosity – just how powerful are you?", she asked curiously, leaning forward.

"My power level fluctuates – currently, I am weaker than normally, given that I just fought a spy – but I am still several times more powerful than you are."

Sonea tried to imagine that, and was hit by the rather hilarious mental image of several life-sized versions of herself stacked on top of each other. She let out a snort before sobering again.

"Can you show me?"

"Are you quite certain about that?", he asked her, incredulously. "Until last night, you were terrified of me. Are you sure you want to know just what you are dealing with?"

"I'll remind you that I am no longer terrified of you. Though – I won't insist if it makes you uncomfortable. I just – I can't really imagine what it must be like, holding so much power."

Akkarin huffed, but extended his hand. Sonea took it, and closed her eyes. However, when she drew up the room that represented her mind, and wanted to step outside to look for Akkarin's, she was surprised to find him standing inside already.

— Don't bother with visualisation, it slows the mind down, he told her. This way.

He directed her attention toward the source of his power, and Sonea let out a gasp. She had never imagined that it could be so big – and this was him in a weakened state, right after a fight.

Akkarin sensed her shock, and immediately moved to sever the connection, having mistaken her reaction as one born from fear.

— No, don't, I was just surprised. This is – beyond what I expected. The Guild really wouldn't stand a chance against you.

— No, it would not.

Sonea hummed, and severed the connection herself.

"Thanks for indulging me."

"It was nothing." He frowned slightly before giving her a quizzical look. "Might I ask a favour of you?"

"Uh, sure, if you think I have anything worth offering?"

He let out a chuckle. "Oh, you do. You see, I'm not terribly adept with knives – I know how to cut with one, and that's basically it. I was wondering if you could tutor me."

"I suppose I could, but I must warn you – my skills are mediocre at best."

"Hardly. I was quite impressed by your performance last night – with how you managed to free yourself, and get a hold of my knife. And you did all that while being on the brink of collapsing, and you weren't exactly dressed for combat, either."

Sonea let out a groan and hid her face in her hands. "I was dressed for bed – where I was – asleep – until I was very rudely awakened in the dead of night."

"Still, your performance was quite impressive."

"Cery is much better than I am."

"Ah, your little friend."

"Yes, he somehow managed to be even shorter than I am", she joked. "Wait. You remember him?"

"He left quite the lasting impression."

"Was it because of his stench?"

"No, not that. Rather, it was - "

"How did you even find him? I've been dying to find out for ages!"

"That was rude, Sonea", Akkarin chided, though he didn't sound angry.

She ducked her head. "Sorry."

"However, I'll indulge you, and answer your question.
"Following the Meet that preceded your Guardianship Hearing, I left the Guildhall and entered the passageways. I hadn't been in that particular part for a while, and I noticed two things that were odd: A fresh trail in the dust, and Dannyl, who was snooping around."

"Dannyl? Not who I was expecting you to find."

"Hm. It turns out that he had grown suspicious that Fergun was up to something, and was trying to find out what it was. I reminded Dannyl of the rules concerning the passages, and kicked him out. Not that this required much effort – for some reason I cannot fathom, Dannyl has always been nervous around me."

"You tend to scare people just by being there", Sonea muttered. "I can understand why Dannyl would feel nervous around you."

"Hm. Fair point. I followed the trail, curious to find out what, exactly, Fergun had been doing down here myself. And that is how I discovered your friend Cerinyi. He was surprised to see me, but quite willing to answer my questions. I quickly realised what Fergun was up to, and resolved to stop him. When I told your friend that I would have to read his mind to confirm Fergun's guilt, he agreed rather quickly. We left his little cell and, just as we were about to step out into the corridor, he offered to repay me. I was, admittedly, surprised, and asked if he knew who I was. He confirmed that he did, and added that he was aware that there was precious little 'someone like him' could offer 'someone like me', but that it had felt right to make the offer. I told him I might get back to him on that."

"That's Cery, all right", Sonea replied with a fond smile.

"If you do not wish to tutor me, I'll simply have to ask him, then."

"If you can find him?"

"Oh, I'm fairly certain that I would be able to."

Sonea had her doubts about that – but then again, Akkarin claimed to have contacts in the city. If he knew the right people, he might be able to do it. And it was possible that Cery was still working for Faren.

"I don't mind tutoring you, I just don't know how we're supposed to do this, logistically. We'd need somewhere to practice. And we shouldn't just disappear to some obscure location, either – if either Lorlen or Rothen heard that you dragged me into the bowels of the university or something, it might prompt them to do something – rash."

"Good point. We could practise in the Arena. We'd be easily visible from outside, and neither of them would have to worry that I'm doing something awful to you."

"Sounds good, in theory – I have a feeling it'll cause at least some sort of commotion if we just showed up there tomorrow and started practising with knives, though. We're not – exactly known to have a close relationship. People would ask questions."

"That is true. Hm… How about this, then? We start by practising magic instead. People should expect me to take a hand in your training eventually. And I would like to prepare you for the – unlikely – event that you might run into another spy. You are not used to fighting magicians who are more powerful than you are. You would not last long against them in a fight, and would need alternative methods to save yourself. And I want you to call for me the moment you should meet with one. I don't care what time of day it is, or what I'm doing. Call me."

"I will."

"Good. We can start by practising magic, and, once we have established that training together is now something we do, we could move on to knives. I am known to be competitive, and could argue that I want to become better than you."

"That works for me", she replied with a small smile. "When would you like to start with these lessons?"

"As soon as you are able."

She bit her lip. "Could I get some time to prepare?"

He considered this before nodding. "Will three days suffice?"

"I think I should be able to come up with something by then."

"Very well, I'll let Balkan know that I'll be needing the Arena – and a powerful Warrior to provide you with an inner shield."

"Right."

The thought that Akkarin might be planning to throw magic at her was a little frightening. However, Sonea agreed with him that she would probably not last long against one of these spies. And she was bad at Warrior Skills, besides.

"Was there anything else you wished to talk about?"

"No, I think I'm out of questions, at least for now", Sonea replied. "But if you could show me those records you mentioned at a later time, I'd appreciate that."

"I will. Now then, we should make our way to the dining room – Takan would never forgive us if we let his food grow cold. And he has a surprise for you."

"He does?", she asked, not having expected this.

"Indeed. He spoke with Tania earlier – he's prepared your favourite dish."

"No – no way! It's been ages!" She leapt to her feet and excitedly clapped her hands. "I can hardly wait!"

Akkarin chuckled at her antics as he rose in a more dignified manner – not that she cared. Sonea practically bounced down the corridor, unable to contain her happiness.

---

Sonea started awake with a scream that could have raised the dead. Something was restraining her body – arms? It was too dark for her to see anything – like last night – and Sonea panicked. She struggled to free herself from whatever had attached itself to her, and fell out of bed with a shout.

For a short moment, she was stunned, then, she began to struggle even harder, as the thing was still clinging to her.

When the door to her room opened on its own accord, she froze in terror – however, the corridor beyond wasn't dark, as she had expected, instead, a light was moving toward her room at a high speed. Moments later, Akkarin came running into the room, his globe-light chasing away the shadows.

Sonea blinked somewhat dumbly into the light before looking down – only to find that she'd been fighting her own blanket. Feeling incredibly silly, she struggled to free herself. Akkarin had, meanwhile, made it to her side, and crouched down to assist her.

"Bad dream?", he asked in a low voice.

Sonea managed a nod, not sure if she could trust her voice.

"I see."

"I – I'm not even sure what it was about – but I was terrified", she whispered. "I woke up, and I thought I was trapped, like last night, that he was hiding somewhere in the darkness – I - "

She let out a strangled gasp, and burst into tears – soon, her entire body was shaking with sobs. Almost without her noticing, her left hand moved to grasp her right wrist as she felt a phantom blade slicing into her flesh. She only noticed what she'd been doing when Akkarin grasped her hand, and carefully pried it off her wrist. Sonea stared at him through a veil of tears, feeling utterly and completely helpless.

The unexpected touch jolted her out of her crying – he'd been so careful not to touch her, it came as a surprise that he had now. Then again, if this was similar to what had happened to him the previous night, she might have hurt herself if he hadn't interfered. And she was fairly certain that she'd just reminded him of himself.

However, the look he gave her was not one of reprimand – instead, compassion and kindness shone in his dark eyes. Understanding, too. It was too much to bear, and she burst into tears again.

Her left wrist was still in his hold, but her right arm flailed around uselessly as she didn't know what to do with it – didn't know what to do with herself. She was feeling too much at once, contrasting and conflicting emotions, and emotions that confused her. She let out a keening wail as she realised that she had no idea where to put all that.

She barely noticed when Akkarin released her – but started slightly when, the next moment, he shuffled closer and wrapped his arms around her. His hold wasn't too tight, but still reassuring. His left hand cradled her head while his right hand started rubbing soothing circles into her back.

Sonea let out a gasp and buried her face in his shirt, practically melting into him as more sobs wracked her body. Part of her noted that she'd probably feel awkward and/or bad for crying on him later, but the rest of her didn't care one whit – she was, mostly, glad that someone was willing to offer her the comfort she so desperately needed, and that he seemed more than willing to provide as he whispered words of comfort into her ear, words she was too distressed to make out.

Without warning, she sensed something from him – a flare of an intense emotion. Sonea's breath hitched when she realised what it was – however, almost as soon as it had emerged, Akkarin moved to smother it ruthlessly. It all happened so quickly, she was certain she wouldn't even have noticed, hadn't they been so close.

Sonea grew worried that he might have noticed her noticing – thankfully, she hadn't stopped crying this time, and might be able to pass off her reaction as some kind of sob. However, it seemed that Akkarin had been too focused on getting himself back under control, he had completely failed to notice anything else. Hoping that he wouldn't sense anything in her thoughts, Sonea resolutely locked this new realisation in a box inside her mind, determined to examine it at a later point – one Akkarin was far, far away.

He resumed his litany – which mostly consisted of "you're safe" and "I'm sorry", apparently – and, despite what had just happened, he stayed close, continued to soothe her.

Part of her had expected him to bolt.

But then again, this would certainly alert her to the fact that something was wrong – ordinarily, Akkarin would have no reason to flee from her. And, judging from his behaviour, Sonea deduced that he didn't want her to know.

At least for now.

Thankfully, she soon managed to calm herself somewhat, and tried sitting back up. Akkarin instantly let go of her, although his hands hovered near her shoulders, as though he was worried that she might simply fall over. Sonea did manage to stay upright, though, and used the sleeve of her nightgown to wipe the remaining tears from her face.

Then, much to her dismay, she noticed the rather large stain she'd left on his shirt.

"Sorry", she croaked. "Didn't mean to cry all over you. Nor to wake you."

"It's fine", he told her dismissively. "I can just dry it with magic. And please don't apologise to me for having nightmares – we can't control our dreams. I get them, too, so I understand."

"R-really? I wasn't aware."

"I can usually wake myself up. It's something I learned quickly, back when we were still in Sachaka. Screaming would have alerted every singe Ichani within hearing range, after all."

"I see. Do you get them often?"

"Not any more. Though it was very bad in the beginning. But I couldn't let anyone here at the Guild know that I was traumatised, either, as I would have been unable to explain where the trauma came from."

"I see." Sonea hiccuped.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"A little. Thank you for comforting me, you didn't have to."

He scoffed. "And watch you suffer on your own? When I know perfectly well what this feels like?"

"I didn't mean to suggest that you didn't care or anything. Just that getting comforted by you isn't something I expected." She let out a sigh. "I feel strangely empty right now, but in a good way, if that makes sense?"

"It's important to let your emotions out in some kind of controlled way, it helps you with processing them. Don't try to hold them in, especially when the only people who could see are Takan, and myself. We won't think any less of you because you allow yourself to be 'weak'. And we won't ask questions, either."

Sonea understood the message – she would have to be careful around other magicians, as they would want to know why she was having a mental breakdown, might even cart her off to the Healer's Quarters if they thought she needed help.

Akkarin rose to his feet, having apparently decided that they'd spent enough time kneeling on the carpet, and held out a hand to help her up. Sonea grasped it, however, the moment she tried to put weight on her legs, they gave out – she let out a startled yelp as she realised they'd fallen asleep.

Akkarin caught her – he'd been hovering again, the oversized rassook – and helped her sit down on the edge of her bed. As soon as she had been safely deposited, he turned around to scoop up her blanket, and proceeded to drape it around her shoulders, the same way she had done last night.

This gesture did something to her, something she couldn't put into words. She was hit by an overwhelming feeling of gratitude, but in that moment, she also felt absolutely and completely safe.

Letting out a sigh, she dug her hands into the soft fabric to release some of the still pent-up tension within her body, knowing she couldn't hurt herself that way. Once she felt a bit better, she looked up at Akkarin, who had been watching her quietly.

"You're a kind man", she said softly. "I'm honestly surprised you managed to hide it so long, and so well."

He let out an amused huff. "It's usually easier to keep people at arm's length – and your nasty dark secrets secret – if you don't seem too approachable. I cultivated a certain persona – both to give myself a more authoritative aura, and to hide my trauma, along with all the other things."

"I see you're not disagreeing with me this time", Sonea observed, arching a brow.

"Being seen as kind is something I can accept."

"And my forgiveness is not?"

He let out a sigh. "I feel like I don't deserve it, not after what I put you through. The fact that I acted for the greater good – and tried my hardest not to harm you directly – doesn't change the fact that what I did was awful, and wrong. I would have never expected you to forgive me. People don't usually just go and forgive someone who has wronged them, especially if that person hasn't asked for forgiveness."

"Well, you've already made it clear that I'm not the average novice, so realising that I'm not the average person either shouldn't really come as that much of a shock."

He let out a somewhat startled laugh at that.

"You must be feeling markedly better if you can already make jokes like that about yourself", he huffed.

Before Sonea had a chance to defend herself, Takan appeared in the doorway. His look of concern lessened somewhat when he spotted her. Akkarin turned to face him.

"Takan, do we have any calming herbs or flowers stored?"

"I'm afraid not, my lord. Should I buy some tomorrow?"

"Please do. I have a feeling Sonea will need them. I don't want to give her anything too strong right away."

"I'll remind you that you had absolutely no qualms about having me drugged during my first night here", Sonea said with a huff. "Besides, has it occurred to you to ask me what I think?"

Akkarin fixed her with a penetrating stare. "If I'd left you to your own devices that night, you would have worked yourself into a frenzy, and probably not slept at all. I thought it better to take the edge off everything so that you would be able to rest well. Besides, as someone who has graduated from the university already and knows more about healing as a result, I believe I am better able to judge these things. Some of the medicines the Healers use can be terribly addictive. I'd much rather get you hooked on melissa than nemmin."

"Fine, but that doesn't change the fact that there isn't anything here that I could drink."

Akkarin arched a brow, looking like he thought that was a challenge.

"Takan, stay with Sonea until I return."

He turned on his heel and strode out of the room. Sonea blinked, not sure if she understood what had just happened.

"Where is he going at this time of night?", she asked Takan, completely and utterly confused.

"At a guess, I'd say he's going to find something to help you sleep, my lady."

Sonea whipped her head around to stare at Takan. "Don't tell me he's going to break into the Healer's Quarters?", she breathed.

Takan shrugged a shoulder. "I wouldn't put it past him. The High Lord doesn't do things by halves."

Sonea let out a disbelieving huff, but had to agree. When she didn't say anything in reply, Takan busied himself with fluffing up her pillows – and clicked his tongue in disapproval.

"Your bedding is drenched – you must've sweated a lot, my lady. I'll change it – how is the blanket?"

"Mostly dry, I think. As is the rest of me, strangely enough. I wonder if I used magic without noticing?"

"It's not impossible. The master has a habit of putting up barriers when he sleeps. Could I persuade you to move to that chair over there?"

"Oh, of course, sorry."

Thankfully, her legs were able to carry her now, and Sonea hurried to get out of the way, dragging her blanket like a cape.

Once she had settled down again, she decided to open that peculiar can of worms she had stumbled upon earlier: Akkarin, as it turned out, desired her.

Part of her instantly wanted to panic at the thought, but Sonea forced herself to remain calm and level-headed. She wouldn't be able to make any headway if she let her emotions get the better of her – she had to look at the facts.

Akkarin had, so far, not acted on these emotions, and there was a chance that he never might. Sonea was well aware that the situation they had been in earlier could have led to any number of things, things they may well have regretted the next morning. Instead, he had squashed these urges, had continued to give her what she had needed at that moment, ignoring his own needs. His self-control was astounding.

The fact that he had covered her with her blanket had further reinforced this – had made her believe that the words spoken earlier had been earnest, that he wouldn't do anything she was uncomfortable with. She deduced that he would most likely never act on his feelings unless she gave him an incentive.

Not that she had any intentions of doing that. Sonea had no idea how long Akkarin had harboured feelings for her – or if desire was truly all he felt – but for her, this was too fresh, too new. Until last night, she had thought him to be the worst man in existence. She was just learning to trust him, slowly.

And, apart from all the things that lay behind them, all the things that had lain between them, was the fact that he was her guardian. Guardians were not supposed to start a relationship with the novice they were supposed to tutor. Sonea was pretty certain that relationships between teachers and novices were similarly frowned upon, even if she wasn't sure if they were actually forbidden by Guild law.

With a frown, Sonea tried to think back to her past interactions with the High Lord to see if she could detect anything that might have hinted at the fact that he, for some strange reason, found her desirable. Two instances came to mind – when they'd had their first meal together, he'd at one point stopped to watch her eat. At the time, Sonea had not paid that much thought, too focused on Takan's excellent cooking – she'd never eaten food this good before – but looking back, it certainly seemed odd. And he hadn't been doing it just briefly. No, he'd actually paused eating, so he could watch her.

And then there had been that one time when he'd not come into her room. Sonea had woken in the dead of night, feeling that something was wrong, and had realised, much to her horror, that the door to her room had been open, and that Akkarin had been standing there, watching her. It had freaked her out, and she'd been terrified of the thought that he might notice that she was awake. Thankfully, he'd not come into her room, and left soon after, but she hadn't been able to make sense of this strange behaviour. Nor was she aware that he'd ever done it again, either.

Well, given tonight's discovery, she had an explanation now. However, this meant that he had felt something for her for over a year, at least. And he'd never let anything on, or acted on these feelings – for which she was immensely grateful.

Though it still begged the question of why he was attracted to her, of all people – Sonea had never seen herself as beautiful or attractive, not the way some other women were, who had a certain – allure. And she wasn't aware that she had anything else to offer that might entice him. Unlike her, a nobody from the slums, Akkarin came from a powerful noble house, and he was the Guild's leader in addition to that. Sonea was certain that he could have had any woman he'd wanted, was, in fact, surprised that female magicians weren't constantly throwing themselves at him. Or other nobles their daughters, as it wasn't uncommon for magicians to marry non-magicians – and a lot of the Houses kept their daughters at home, so they could use their powerful latent magic as a bargaining chip when looking for a husband.

With a start, Sonea realised that Akkarin's situation would have made it impossible for him to marry anyone, as having another person living here would have been a massive risk. He'd probably not taken on a novice for the same reason – and would have never brought Sonea into the residence if she hadn't already known his secret.

Still, she was making no progress, and it frustrated her.

A crash from downstairs jolted her from her thoughts. Takan turned with a frown, his eyes unfocussed. Then, with a huff, he shook his head.

"I should ban him from the kitchen."

"Was that – the High Lord?"

"He just broke a mug."

"What's he need a mug for?"

"Heating water. If he used a glass instead, it might get ripped apart. And you might burn your fingers."

"Oh."

So, Akkarin had, indeed, gone out to find something to help her sleep, and was now about to make it into a draught for her to drink.

"Mother of mother rassooks", she muttered under her breath.

Takan let out a cackle.

Akkarin soon returned, having pulled a cloak over his sleeping clothes. Sonea found the idea of him stalking the Guild grounds at night in his sleepwear and a cloak extremely hilarious. Well, at least he'd had the sense to put on some boots.

Several bundles of dried flowers were floating behind him, along with a mug, and Akkarin was deftly bundling up more flowers as he walked.

"Oh, you found some lavender – good choice", Takan remarked.

"It is the right season", Akkarin replied with a huff.

He set the ingredients down on Sonea's desk and instructed Takan to string some of the bundles up around Sonea's bed. He tossed her another bundle with a smirk.

"I hope you like the smell."

Sonea gave it a cautious whiff, and found that she did. With a smile, she cradled the dried flowers close to her nose. Akkarin let out a chuckle, and fixed his eyes on the mug, causing the water inside to boil almost instantly. He dipped another bundle of lavender into the mug, and then proceeded to help Takan with "warding" her bed.

Sonea watched them, torn between fondness and amusement.

After a while, Akkarin removed the lavender from the mug and handed it to her. Sonea gave him a grateful smile and sniffed the infusion, finding that it smelled very similar to the dried flowers. As soon as the draught had cooled down enough, she emptied it, feeling much better the moment she had something warm fill her stomach.

"I think it might be a good idea for you to keep a lamp in your room, Lady Sonea", Takan told her softly. "Waking up in the dark after a nightmare can be terrifying."

"It might not be such a bad idea after all", she mused.

"I'll go fetch one, then."

"Thank you, Takan."

Akkarin took the empty mug from her hand, and instructed her to place the sprig she was holding underneath her pillow. Sonea did just that, and then curled up on her side, breathing in the scent of the lavender flowers.

"Did you actually raid Lady Vinara's gardens just for me? I'd hate to get on her bad side."

He let out a chuckle. "I didn't rip out an entire bush, she'll probably not even notice that some flowers have gone missing. And even if she did, she'd never suspect me. I'm too prim and proper to go digging around in a garden in the middle of the night."

"Right."

Takan returned with a lamp and a bell jar, which he placed over the lamp. Then, he moved one of her books to block the light from hitting her directly.

"Takan, you're the best", Sonea muttered, feeling slightly sleepy all of a sudden.

"Sleep well, Lady Sonea. I pray that your dreams will be more peaceful now."

"Mh."

Takan shooed Akkarin out of the room, and closed the door. Sonea let out a sigh, and burrowed into the pillow. It didn't take long for sleep to claim her.

---

A/N:

Lavender is well-known for its calming properties, be it as dried flowers, tea, or oil. Though not all kinds of lavender can be ingested safely. Lavender can also be used for seasoning food.

The plant I refer to as "melissa" is lemon balm. I figured I'd use that name, since Trudi Canavan likes to come up with new words for a lot of things. Figuring out how to describe lavender tea was a bit tricky – it's obviously not sumi.

I actually managed to move part of the long Akkarin/Sonea discussion to a later chapter, which actually makes it better, as they'll have an audience for that particular conversation.

Sonea's body: *embarrasses her*
Akkarin: Cute.
Also Akkarin: No! Bad Akkarin! Bad! BAD!

Sonea: Does studying count as a hobby?
Akkarin: No.

Akkarin: Sonea is so adorable.
Takan: I know. Now get out.