Walking With You

by Aylatha

"And how have you been, Sonea?", Lorlen asked. "Well." "Well, she says", Akkarin huffed, covering his face with one hand. "I'm still alive, aren't I?" Lorlen's eyebrows rose. Rothen's knees buckled. "What?", he yelped, colour draining from his face.

10. Morning Mist and Silver Sun

A/N:

I would like to take this moment to thank all the people who leave guest reviews. Every single one of them always makes me very happy.

It took me two days to come up with a title for this one. This has never happened before, and it almost drove me insane. Two days of brainstorming, looking up song titles and poetry, and then the poem I took the title from just happened across my way by accident. I guess these things happen.

I need to fix some minor errors – I forgot that Peakin is also one of the Higher Magicians as well as Telano – I tend to forget about these two, as they are not as prominently featured as the others, and not nearly as influential.

I've also realised, much to my horror, that the map of the Guild grounds doesn't face north – the Guild's main entrance faces west, not south. As a result, all directional descriptions I've used so far are wrong – I'll have to go back and fix those.

In this chapter, Sonea finally gets her hands on the fourth book, Akkarin struggles with his emotions, Trassia causes additional work for Lorlen (and gets career advice), and Takan takes Sonea out. No, not like that. No, not like that, either.

---

The smell of Autumn was in the air, and Sonea spotted the first yellow and golden leaves as she slowly made her way back to the residence. She wasn't in any hurry to get home today – she didn't know what to expect, and it made her nervous – even though she had tried to get herself to the point where she wouldn't expect anything.

One couldn't be disappointed that way.

She'd been surprised when Takan had told her in the morning that the High Lord had been, unexpectedly, called away to a meeting with the Higher Magicians. Given Takan's apologetic demeanour, Sonea was inclined to believe that this was the truth – that Akkarin hadn't just come up with an excuse to avoid her.

Sonea's last two birthdays had been hardly what you could call "similar", there had been no pattern, no thread connecting these two days. Before, back when she had still been living with Jonna and Ranel, her birthdays had always played out in a similar manner – due to monetary constraints, there had never been a grand celebration of any kind, but they had tried to get something special to eat. And, in the event that they had money saved up, Sonea got something new to wear.

She'd celebrated her seventeenth birthday with Rothen, a few months after she'd joined the Guild. Rothen had thrown her a grand feast, had given her delicacies to taste she'd never thought she'd eat in her life. He'd also gifted her with a hairbrush with a silver handle – something Sonea would have never bought, even if she could have afforded it.

She'd left that brush behind when she'd moved into the Novices' Quarters, worried that something might happen to it. Nobody would bother stealing a simple wooden brush.

And after that, she had become Akkarin's novice, and he had outright ignored her birthday. Back then, Sonea had come up with two theories – he either a) genuinely hadn't known her birthday, which was entirely possible, or b) hadn't seen the need to celebrate his hostage's birthday with said hostage.

By now, she had a third theory.

However, her musings were interrupted by the fact that she had arrived at the residence, despite having dragged her feet. Letting out a soft sigh, Sonea brushed her fingers against the handle. She stepped inside, and stopped dead at the sight that greeted her.

Akkarin was waiting for her, as usual, but he was not alone – Rothen and Chessea were there, as well, and Takan was lurking in the background.

And the guestroom had been filled with various globe-lights of different sizes, ranging in colour from golden-yellow to a light brown, and different shades of oranges and reds. It caused the impression of being inside a forest covered in autumn leaves. It was so beautiful, Sonea was speechless for several moments.

She felt silly, now, for assuming that Akkarin would ignore her birthday again, and quickly banished these thoughts to the deepest recesses of her mind, lest he notice them.

As soon as she had roused herself from her stupor, congratulations and well-wishes came flooding in. Blinking tears away – where had those even come from? Sonea quickly put down her box. Rothen was the first one to reach her, enveloping her in a tight hug, wishing her all the best for the coming year. Chessea came next, no less enthusiastic than Rothen had been.

Akkarin and Takan abstained from embracing her – although Sonea wouldn't have minded – and gave her smiles instead as they, too, wished her well.

"This is beautiful", Sonea whispered, gesturing to the lights above.

"I am glad you like them", Akkarin replied with a chuckle.

"Well, then, time to hand over gifts?", Chessea asked, rubbing her hands together.

"Wait, what? Gifts? As in, plural?", Sonea gasped.

"Of course", Chessea huffed. "We all got something for you. And I don't want to hear anything along the lines of how it's too much or that you're being spoiled. It is your birthday. You deserve to get spoiled."

Sonea, who had already opened her mouth to protest, closed it again.

Rothen let out a chuckle, and handed Sonea a small box. She opened it to find a barrette inlaid with green gemstones. She gaped at it for a moment before asking, in a somewhat faint voice, what kind of gems they were.

"This is green tourmaline", Rothen replied. "Nothing too outrageously expensive, but still a nice-looking stone. I picked them to match the Healer's robes you will be wearing one day."

Sonea let out a squeal at hearing that, and threw herself into Rothen's arms again. He chuckled, patting her back.

Chessea approached next, holding a small package wrapped in silk paper. Sonea carefully unwrapped it to reveal a handkerchief made from fine cotton. When she unfolded it, she saw that the letter "S" had been stitched into one of the corners, surrounded by tiny orange blossoms.

"Are those marigolds?", Sonea asked with a grin.

"Indeed. I embroidered it myself."

"Wow", Sonea breathed. "I'm pretty good at sewing, but I never bothered to learn embroidery – I always felt like it was a waste of time."

"That does not surprise me", Chessea replied with a chuckle. "Though I could teach you, if you're interested."

Sonea considered this. It would give her something to bond with Chessea over, and enable Sonea to likewise show her appreciation to others by making something like this.

She could make some for Jonna and Ranel. And Hania and Kerrel. She'd have to use cheaper fabrics, though, or they would wind up stolen before anyone could say "Forcestrike".

"I might get back to you once I have a little more time, I'm currently rather busy with a lot of things", Sonea replied. "I do like the idea, though. Oh, and thank you very much for this – it is lovely."

"You are more than welcome, Sonea."

Takan was next, handing her a thin, flat cardboard box tied with a pretty velvet ribbon in some shade of dark blue. Sonea quickly wrapped the ribbon around her hand and pocketed it, deciding to give it to Viola. It wasn't terribly long, but she might be able to tie off a braid with it.

Sonea opened the box, curious to find out what it was that Takan had got her – and was very confused to find a piece of paper inside.

Sonea picked it up, and read the words written on it – and was even more confused afterwards.

"Takan, I'm afraid I have no idea what this is", she admitted. "I can read it, but it doesn't make any sense to me."

Takan let out a chuckle. "It's an admission ticket for a music performance. I've decided to share my hobby with you for your birthday."

Sonea's eyes widened. "That's so nice of you", she whispered. "Wait, a music performance at one of these big houses? I've never actually been inside one."

"Indeed", he replied, his eyes shining.

"I promise that you will enjoy yourself", Chessea chimed in. "This season's performances have all been spectacular so far."

"I'm looking forward to it, then", Sonea replied with a smile. "Thank you, Takan."

She placed the ticket back in the box, and sat it down on the table next to the handkerchief and the barrette.

She turned to look for Akkarin, who had managed to disappear from view. She finally spotted him holding a wrapped parcel – a parcel that very suspiciously looked like a book.

He gave her a rather cheeky grin, having apparently noticed – or guessed – her train of thought.

"Don't tell me – is this the book I couldn't find?"

"Indeed", Akkarin replied, his eyes sparkling.

Chessea let out a huff.

"You're awful", Sonea complained. "You said that on purpose after hiding it somewhere I wouldn't look, didn't you."

"I have nothing to say in my defence, except that it would have been a shame if you had discovered your gift early, and spoiled yourself the surprise."

"Fair enough."

"Happy birthday, Sonea", he told her softly as he handed the parcel over.

The wrapping appeared to be the same that had been on the book when he'd bought it, however, he had added a silk ribbon to it. Sonea noted that both he and Rothen had had a similar thought as to which colour to pick.

She pocketed this one, too – it was long enough to be threaded through her hair, she was certain – and cautiously unwrapped the book.

Her jaw dropped when she saw that it was a work of art – and she let out a small shout when she saw the title: The Life and Deeds of Lady Tessia or The Birth of Magical Healing.

Sonea traced her fingers over the cover and spine almost reverently, loving the texture beneath her fingers. Then, she looked up at Akkarin, who was watching her with a smile.

"This is wonderful. Thank you so much."

"I am glad you like it. And I hope that it proves an interesting read."

"I'll be sure to tell you."

Unable to help herself, she flipped the book open.

Akkarin let out a chuckle. "I fear the time for socialising is over – nothing can come in between Sonea and her one true love – books."

"Oh, shut up", Sonea replied absently, already reading the introduction.

"Sonea!", Rothen protested in a shocked voice. "You can't tell the High Lord to 'shut up'!"

"Eh? It's not like this is the first time", Sonea replied, looking up with a rather confused look on her face.

"I can attest to that", Chessea added with a chuckle.

Rothen looked thunderstruck.

"The things I put up with for the sake of the future of the Guild", Akkarin sighed dramatically.

"My poor brother. How you must suffer", Chessea lamented in a dry voice.

"Well, then, we shall be on our way", Rothen, who had recovered somewhat, said. "Sonea, would you have time to come over tomorrow evening? Tania asked me to tell you that she wants to spoil you rotten."

"Sure, I have time", Sonea replied, exchanging a glance with Akkarin for good measure.

"I'll invite Lorlen, then – make certain he eats a decent meal for once."

"Ah, dear Lorlen – I should pay him a visit before I leave", Chessea mused. "Would he still be in his office?"

"Of course", Akkarin huffed. "He practically lives there."

"Very well."

"Enjoy the remainder of the evening, Sonea, and make sure to treat yourself. Lady Chessea is right – you do deserve it."

"Thank you, Rothen."

Rothen bowed to Akkarin, and moved toward the door. Chessea gave her brother a smile, and offered Sonea another hug – she was even willing to put her new book down momentarily – before departing.

Half of the globe-lights winked out.

"I would not recommend bringing the book into the dining room", Akkarin observed when he noticed Sonea eyeing it.

"I'll just have to eat quickly, then", she returned.

"Quickly? Sonea, you underestimate Takan."

Takan, who was still lurking in the background, let out a chuckle. "Go on up, High Lord, Lady Sonea, the food will be ready soon."

Akkarin led the way upstairs, and pulled out Sonea's chair. She thanked him with a smile – then frowned as something occurred to her.

"Will it be safe for me to go to that music performance with Takan?"

"I think so. None of the spies have ever come into the Inner Circle. None of the 'higher ups' usually bat an eye if people die in the slums. It would be a different matter in the city proper. And if someone came looking for you, he would look for you here. At the residence. The last one wouldn't have dared to search the Guild, and trying to find a magician in the Inner Circle is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Besides, the concert takes place on a Sixthday – there will be numerous of people out and about."

"So – it was just about me being here by myself, or going into the slums?"

"The slums is where they hunt for victims – even if the spy wasn't looking for you, there would be a chance that you might run into him by accident. Besides, the slums are too far away – I could never get to you in time. The Inner Circle is a different matter – but, as I said, I don't expect there to be any actual danger.
"In the unlikely event that you should come under attack – there is an entrance to the Thieves' Road in the alley behind the concert house. Take Takan, and make a run for it."

"Good plan. I'll be sure to remember that."

Takan started bringing in the food, and Sonea quickly realised that this feast was certainly grander than the one Rothen had held in her honour. She guessed that Akkarin was either trying to make up for last year, or outdo Rothen.

Or maybe both.

The food was divine, as always, and Sonea savoured every single bite.

When she paused to take a sip of wine, she caught Akkarin watching her with a wistful look on his face. She shot him a questioning look, and he gave her a grimace that was probably supposed to be a smile.

Oh dear, Sonea thought. Here we go again.

She put her glass down and waited for Akkarin to speak what was so clearly on his mind.

"I fear I have another thing that I must apologise to you for, Sonea", he uttered quietly. "I purposefully ignored your last birthday. You already hated the weekly meals that I subjected you to, and I didn't believe that you would have liked it if I'd forced you to spend your birthday with me, as well. I imagine that this would have made you rather uncomfortable."

"I had thought that this might have been the case", Sonea admitted. "Although I wasn't certain that you knew my birthday, either. But you are right, I would have been uncomfortable, or assumed that you had some kind of ulterior motive because past me thought you to be the worst man in existence, and incapable of any form of kindness. Past me was stupid."

"Don't say that", Akkarin chided. "You had no reason to think well of me. I believe I told you that once before."

"I don't see why you should be the only one who needs to be told the same thing over and over until you believe it", she grumbled.

Akkarin let out a chuckle.

"All that being said, I'm not angry. I believe that you made the correct choice, back then. The situation was hardly ideal. Oh, and in case this makes you feel better – Tania tracked me down to sneak me some pastries, and pass on Rothen's well-wishes. While it hadn't been as nice as my previous birthday, it wasn't completely miserable, either."

"I see. I am glad to hear that."

"Furthermore, if this is an attempt to make amends, it is working – although I would not have insisted on such a grand feast."

Akkarin let out a huff, amusement shining in his eyes, but said nothing in reply.

When Takan came back upstairs to remove the empty dishes, Sonea thanked him for the magnificent feast. Takan gave her an indulgent smile, and assured her that it was nothing.

Once they were done eating, Sonea retreated to the library to properly acquaint herself with her new book. She sat down in one of the window seats, determined to watch the sunset as she read. The days were already growing shorter, and winter would soon be here.

Sonea had only learned to love winters after coming to the Guild. Before then, winter had been a time of hardship – short, dark days, hunger and freezing cold had hounded her for as long as she could remember. And then there had been the Purge.

Every year, magicians gathered in the Outer Circle to drive out people deemed vagrants, miscreants and criminals. The people they were supposed to drive out – not all of them "guilty" – had a habit of greeting them with volleys of rocks.

Right before the Purge that had wound up changing Sonea's life, her family had been driven out of the stayhouse they had been living in in the North Quarter, as the King had decided that it was unhygienic for so many people to live in such a small space. As a result, Sonea had been in the North Square, and thrown that fateful rock.

She wondered, sometimes, if Merin was aware that he had, indirectly, caused the awakening of her powers.

Knowing what she did now about illnesses and infections, Sonea had to admit that the King's decision hadn't been unreasonable. However, it had still uprooted her family – her uncle had lost his clients in the Inner Circle as a result, and they had slipped back into poverty.

Jonna and Ranel had been so proud to make it out of the slums, too.

Sonea had no idea how long she'd spent reading – the sun had set a while ago, though – when the shimmer of an approaching globe-light heralded Akkarin's arrival.

"Aren't you going to sleep, Sonea?", he asked her softly when he spotted her, book still in her lap.

"No, I don't think so."

"You do have classes tomorrow."

"You shouldn't have gifted me with such a fascinating book, then! This is all your fault."

He let out a chuckle. "I take it that you are pleased with it, then?"

"Very much so. It's my favourite present, to be honest. Thank you so much for this, truly."

He gave her a brilliant smile in return. She couldn't see his eyes properly as his globe-light was hovering behind his head, casting them in shadows, but she imagined that they must be shining.

"I'm very glad to hear that. I see you've already made some decent progress – may I sit with you so that you can tell me about it?"

"Oh, sure", Sonea replied, gesturing to the other end of the window sill.

Whoever had designed those seats had not only taken care to make the windows as large as possible, but also wide enough so that a person could lie down on the window seat comfortably. As a result, Akkarin could sit with her without it becoming cramped.

He listened attentively as Sonea summed up what she had read so far in animated language, her eyes alight. Any and all mentions of black magic had been removed from Tessia's biography, but it had still proven a fascinating read. And, if the picture it painted of her was accurate, Sonea found that she liked Tessia.

Akkarin was watching her with a look on his face Sonea had never seen before – one she couldn't place. She tried to put it out of her mind and focused on what she was talking about. She would examine this new expression at a later time, when she could be assured that she had her mind to herself.

Unexpectedly, the clouds parted, revealing a moon that was almost full. Sonea stopped speaking in mid-sentence, and turned to look outside.

"Extinguish your light, Sonea", Akkarin instructed in a hushed voice as his own globe-light winked out.

Sonea did just that, and sucked in a surprised breath. The moonlight bathed everything in a bright, silvery glow, making familiar things seem ethereal and otherworldly.

"So beautiful", she breathed in awe.

"Night changes many things, and not always in a bad way", Akkarin replied, still keeping his voice low, as though afraid to break the spell. "Sometimes, on nights such as this one, I like looking out at the Guild, thinking of all the people under my care, all the people who depend on me for their protection – even if they don't know, and never will. It makes me happy, in a way, to know that I am keeping all of them safe."

"That's good", Sonea replied, turning to face him – and barely managed to suppress a sound at seeing his profile illuminated by the moonlight.

If she had thought that his earlier expression had been a potential problem, well, this was worse.

"It must be hard, doing all of this, without getting any recognition or thanks", she somehow managed to say almost without missing a beat.

Akkarin turned to look at her, and paused for a moment before saying, "I was hardly doing it for the recognition. And besides, my efforts no longer go unrecognised – having you on my side, and your acknowledgement of everything I've done, more than makes up for all the time I've been struggling alone, with only Takan by my side."

Sonea felt a strange kind of warmth fill her at hearing his words – and, when she noticed the tender look on his face, she had to glance away, fervently hoping that he wouldn't notice her blush in the moonlight.

"It's not fair", she whispered, staring out at the silent Guild grounds. "You keep putting your life on the line to keep us all safe, and, even though I would love nothing more than to tell everyone about all the things you've done for them, I know I can't. It's maddening."

"I understand the sentiment, but I wouldn't want people to idolise me, either. They shouldn't think of me as a hero, no matter how 'heroic' my deeds may seem to them."

"I suppose", Sonea sighed, leaning her head against the glass. "I still hate this whole situation."

"Now, no more of that. Today is a day for celebration, not for getting lost in gloomy thoughts. I won't have you feel bad on my account on your birthday."

"But I am allowed to feel bad on your account on any other day of the year?", she queried, turning her head back to look at him.

"If it pleases you", he replied with a smirk.

"Excellent."

Sonea had been about to add a cheeky quip to that, but was interrupted by a huge yawn. Covering her mouth with her right hand, she blinked a couple of times, surprised.

"I think I might go to bed now, after all", she observed.

"That is a brilliant idea."

Akkarin rose to his feet, and created a dim globe-light to avoid blinding them both. Not having brought a bookmark, Sonea dug out one of the ribbons, and placed it inside the book. She rose to her feet, and placed the book on a nearby table.

"Aren't you taking it back to your room?", Akkarin asked, surprised.

"No – I'll try to come in here tomorrow, read a bit before dawnfeast, and see if I can catch the sunrise. We might get a silver one tomorrow, if I'm lucky."

"A silver sunrise?"

"Yup. When the sun is hidden in the morning mists. It's one of my most favourite things about Autumn."

"Well, you won't be able to see a sunrise from this room", Akkarin pointed out.

"I know that", she replied, rolling her eyes. "I can always go back to my room, but I don't want to read in there. This, right here, is much nicer.

"I see. I wish you luck, then. Do let me know if you've seen one."

"I will."

Sonea followed Akkarin out of the library, not bothering to make a light of her own. They stopped in front of her door, and Akkarin turned to face her.

"I hope you had a pleasant evening, Sonea", he said softly.

"I did. It was wonderful. And it was very lovely to see Chessea – I had not expected that at all."

"Oh, she made certain to inquire after your birthday as soon as you had become friends", Akkarin chuckled. "She would have been a bad friend indeed if she had missed it."

Sonea made herself a mental note to discretely inquire after the birthdays of the people she had recently come to care about as soon as she was somewhat more awake.

Instead, she glanced up at Akkarin, trying to scrap her courage together.

"Um, Akkarin, might I ask something?"

"You can always ask me anything, Sonea", he replied gently.

"I mean, yes, I know that, but – this is a bit – out of the ordinary."

"Go on."

"Well, you see, the thing is, I feel like I haven't shown my appreciation for this wonderful gift properly. Which is, as I am aware, just my own perception. But, well, I've already hugged the others – including Takan – and I'd feel bad if you'd be the only one who got left out. That is to say, you obviously don't have to go along with this. But, I, uh, I would like to hug you, too."

Sonea wasn't entirely certain what had possessed her to just say all of this. What she was suggesting was highly inappropriate – there was no excusing this as "offering comfort" or "care-taking". She had truly just gone and asked her guardian for cuddles.

To be fair, she had got hugs from Rothen often enough, back then, but she had a very different kind of relationship with him.

Part of her felt mortified, and wanted to expire on the spot.

"I am not opposed to that idea", Akkarin said, much to her relief. "And I would feel rather put out if I did not receive the same kind of treatment as the others. You can hardly expect me to let slide the fact that you hugged my servant, but not me", he said with mock affront.

Sonea looked up, a smile on her face, grateful for him diffusing the tension like this.

"Thank you", she breathed as she moved toward him, and wrapped her arms around his middle, like she had done the last time.

His arms came up to encircle her more readily this time, and he held her close, though not as tightly as he had the other day.

"I know that you are tactile", Akkarin murmured. "There is no need for you to feel ashamed or insecure about this. You've been touch-starved for long enough, and partly because of me – if there is anything I can do to help remedy that, I am more than willing to do it. And I am not just offering this out of guilt."

"I see. Thank you. It's just – this is very different from either of us needing comfort."

"It's not really that different. You need this for your well-being. And besides, we have Lorlen's blessing."

"Really? Well, that is good to know", Sonea huffed, amused.

Akkarin let out a chuckle, causing his entire frame to vibrate. "Although his requirements are certainly lower than mine."

"Wait", Sonea said, extracting herself somewhat from his hold to look up at him. "You have requirements? For things like hugging?"

"Of course", he replied, sounding puzzled by her question. "It's fine if you ask for one, or if it is beneficial to you – in cases where you can't respond. This doesn't apply to just hugs, though. Touch in general."

Sonea stared at him. He actually had a checklist for this.

"This is seriously adorable", she whispered, once she had recovered somewhat.

Akkarin stared at her for a heartbeat before abruptly glancing away, a blush creeping up his cheeks. Although he wasn't flustered enough to retreat fully – they were still holding each other, for which Sonea was grateful.

"I'm not sure when someone called me 'adorable' for the last time", he admitted. "That came as a bit of a surprise."

"I didn't overstep, did I? I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it's fine", he replied, turning his head to look at her. "Just, please don't do this in public. I have a reputation to lose."

"Of course", Sonea replied with a laugh.

His cheeks were still dusted pink, and part of her preened at the knowledge that she had just made him blush.

Akkarin coughed, as though to get over his own embarrassment. "Now, then, have you been hugged enough for your liking, or would you like to stay like this a while longer?"

"I – I'd like to stay like this for a bit longer, if you don't mind."

"I don't."

Sonea made a happy sound, causing him to let out another chuckle. She snuggled into his embrace and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent. She wasn't entirely sure what it reminded her of, but she really liked it.

Unfortunately, her well-earned cuddle time was cut short by another massive yawn. Sonea let out an annoyed huff, and regretfully loosened her hold.

"I think I should go to bed after all", she sighed.

"Yes, you should", Akkarin agreed, amusement dancing in his eyes.

She stepped back and took hold of his hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. They were cold – apparently, Akkarin hadn't expected her to do this – but warmed quickly under her touch.

"Thank you, once again, for this lovely evening, and the gift."

"You are more than welcome", he whispered, squeezing back.

Sonea smiled, and slowly retracted her hands. Another yawn threatened to overcome her, and she quickly covered her mouth with a sleeve. She managed a somewhat mangled "good night" and disappeared into her room.

She didn't bother making a light – the moonlight illuminated everything well enough in here, as well – and started undressing.

The fact that Akkarin had allowed her to hug him had made her happy. She hadn't expected him to deny her request because he would dislike it, but had feared that he might not trust himself with that. For she was fairly certain that he would like to do more than just hugging.

This thought caused an intense blush to spread across her face and neck, and Sonea buried her face in her robes as though that might help. A few months ago, this realisation had sent her into a panic. Now that she knew Akkarin better, hand grown closer to him, she no longer felt like that. He had proven, on several occasions, that her trust in him hadn't been misplaced. Not that she had feared this, but it was still nice to know that she had been right.

Sonea draped her robes over her chair, and pulled on her nightgown. As she crawled under her blanket, the look on Akkarin's face earlier resurfaced in her mind, and the warm, fuzzy feeling returned. When Sonea fell asleep not much later, it was with a smile on her face.

---

Akkarin was very pleased with how this evening had gone. He had, admittedly, been a bit apprehensive about Sonea's reaction in advance, worried that this might have been too much, or too little. An extremely irrational part of his mind had even fretted over the fact that she might not like his gift, something even his near panic-addled brain had noticed was stupid because a) Sonea loved books and b) was interested in Healing in general, and Tessia in particular.

He had been equal parts relieved and delighted when all of his fears had turned out to be completely unfounded. And the fact that she liked his gift best of all had pleased him immensely.

Granted, she was yet to properly experience Takan's, but still. Until then, he could bask in the knowledge of having picked the gift she chose to value most.

With a sigh, he rolled onto his back, and recalled the moment Sonea had – almost shyly – asked to be allowed to hug him to show her appreciation. Akkarin had inwardly been delighted – this was different from seeking or offering comfort. She had wanted to hug him, and not out of desperation.

He had agreed without a second thought. He'd give her anything she asked for, including himself.

Unfortunately, this thought caused him to feel an intense flare of desire and longing. Letting out a gasp, Akkarin drew on some Healing magic to ease his discomfort while thinking of less pleasant things such as Kariko, having to hunt Kariko's spies, and the disgusting awfulness that were the city's sewers.

As soon as he had himself back under control, Akkarin rolled onto his side. Thankfully, he didn't usually have such strong reactions when in Sonea's presence – somehow, it was easier for him to remain focussed and not drift off into daydreams of what might or could be. Fear of her righteous indignation if he let something slip might help with that, too.

However, Sonea couldn't smite him if she wasn't in the room.

Determined not to dwell on those thoughts, Akkarin instead recalled how beautiful she had looked in the moonlight. When he'd turned to look at her, he had, for one brief moment, felt tempted to do something stupid. Thankfully, his brain had caught up in time, and had managed to prevent this.

Just a few months longer. Just a few more months, and then, this torment will end. One way or another.

And Akkarin was determined to make use of the time left. Determined to prove, as much as he could without declaring himself, that he was worthy of her.

A notion part of him still struggled to accept. However, he had decided to ignore that. Sonea should be the one to make that call, not him. He would lay bare his heart, and then let her be the judge of it, and him as a whole.

He prayed that she would look at him favourably.

Letting out an annoyed huff over the fact that his thoughts had taken a turn in this direction, he dredged up happy memories from tonight – the look on Sonea's face when she had noticed the globe-lights, and her visitors, her exuberant joy at receiving presents, her delight in Takan's cooking. And his own joy over having been able to give her all this, and the fact that she had chosen to embrace him because she had been grateful to him.

Akkarin burrowed a little deeper into his bedding, curling up into a tight ball, a smile on his face. Tonight had been good. He'd accomplished everything he'd wanted to, and received something unexpected in addition. Truly, life couldn't be better.

---

"That must be a very interesting book, Sonea", Trassia observed.

"It is", Sonea replied without looking up where she stood, leaned against the wall outside Lord Larkin's classroom.

"Would you at least let me see the cover?", Trassia huffed.

Sonea huffed in turn, but uncoiled the silk ribbon from her hand and placed it inside the book before closing it so that Trassia could read the title.

She had not been prepared for her friend's reaction. Trassia's eyes widened almost comically, and she sucked in a surprised breath.

"Oh, my, I never thought I'd ever get to see one of those", she breathed. "Where did you get this? This book costs a fortune, and is only printed on demand!"

Sonea thought she'd misheard. She knew that books were expensive as a rule, and had assumed that this one was on the more expensive end of the spectrum, given how beautiful the cover was, and that there were illustrations in it as well. However, she hadn't known just how valuable it was, or that you couldn't just go to a book store and buy a copy.

Akkarin had ordered this one printed for her.

She realised that Trassia was still waiting for a reply. Her mind still spinning, she said, absently, "The High Lord gave it to me."

Trassia blinked, clearly not having expected that, before letting out a low "oooh", her eyes lighting up.

"I wasn't aware the High Lord held you in such high esteem, Sonea", she uttered sotto voce.

Feeling a sudden sense of dread, Sonea turned to face Trassia, and noticed the look on her face – she looked like she'd just stumbled upon a very tasty morsel. Sonea felt a surge of panic.

"Trassia, what are you saying?", she gasped, resisting the urge to look around for Regin. "It was a birthday present – nothing more! It's – it's not anything like what you're implying!"

Sonea had caught Trassia's meaning, but she dreaded putting it into words herself. Dreaded the consequences that might bring.

"Wait, when was your birthday?", Narron interjected with a slight frown.

"Yesterday", Sonea replied. "We had a small celebration in the evening – Rothen and Chessea were there, as well."

"Chessea as in Chessea of Velan?", he asked for clarification.

"Yes, that's right. She made a handkerchief for me. It had marigolds on it", Sonea rambled on, grateful for the fact that Narron had changed the subject.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Say what? That it was my birthday? I wasn't aware that it mattered. I could hardly sweep into the classroom, announce that it was my birthday, and expect you all to rejoice."

"Sonea, as your friend, I would have loved to give you something, at the very least congratulate you", Narron told her softly.

"I, well, that makes sense, I guess, but – I'm not exactly used to having friends around here, you know."

"I suppose. And we could have asked, too. That being said, I would like to congratulate you, even if it's a bit late."

"Hardly too late", Sonea replied with a smile. "And you don't have to get me anything. I already feel like I own far too much stuff, anyway."

"Be that as it may", Trassia interjected, sounding annoyed that she had been excluded from the conversation for so long, "something as rare and valuable as this strikes me a bit odd as a birthday present. Are you certain that he's not interested in you?"

"Trassia – "

"If I were you, I would certainly take it as a sing of interest – you could hardly make a better match, and I know for a fact that he gets marriage proposals from all over, despite the fact that he's ignored every single one to date. And any woman here at the Guild would do anything to secure him – he's handsome, powerful, tall, brooding, and from an ancient family with powerful magical bloodlines. Not to mention that he is the High Lord. As I said, you can't realistically do much better than that. The only reason I'm not interested is because I am already happily situated."

Sonea wasn't sure how she felt after hearing Trassia list all the reasons why Akkarin would be a good match. Sonea obviously didn't care about things like magical bloodlines or powerful families. Although she couldn't deny that he was handsome. And kind. And caring. She could certainly do worse.

Wait, what am I thinking? This is not the time to fantasise!

"Trassia, I assure you, it's nothing like that. Please stop saying such things. Maybe he just has too much money, I don't know. He's not – he can't be. Just – please. Drop it."

Trassia frowned, and studied Sonea's face more closely.

"I honestly don't understand why the thought distresses you so much. I thought you liked him? That you got along better with him these days? What is it that has you so worried?"

"At a guess, I would say it's the thought that I might go spreading rumours about her again", Regin's rather annoyed voice sounded from somewhere behind Sonea.

Sonea stopped breathing, feeling her insides turn to ice. How long had he been there? How much had he heard? Too much, from the sound of it.

"Regin!", Trassia snapped. "I think I told you to stay away from Sonea! Get back, now! Narron! Don't just stand there! You were supposed to keep him away!" She marched past Sonea, and started shooing Regin away like he was some kind of pesky animal. "Wait. Did you just say that you started those rumours about Sonea and Lord Rothen? On purpose?"

"I did", Regin replied in a terse voice.

Sonea, who had reached her limit for going without oxygen, sucked in a breath. Narron shot her a worried look.

"How could you?! And I thought that you were evil before! You absolute disgrace! You do realise that you could have cost her the guardianship? Or was that your aim?"

"Not – exactly. She insulted my House. I wanted to get her back. It was the first thing I could come up with."

"If I weren't a lady of good breeding, I'd strike you!", Trassia growled, venom dripping from her words. "But, if I'm being perfectly honest, what surprises me even more than you starting rumours like a petty child is the fact that everyone else believed them. Seriously? Did none of those people have eyes, or a functioning brain? How could anyone even believe Lord Rothen capable of such a thing?"

Oh, thought Sonea, a hollow feeling in her chest, here we go.

"It was plain to see that he considered her a daughter!", Trassia seethed, much to Sonea's surprise. "Whenever I imagine the ideal father, Rothen is the one who comes to mind! My own sire certainly wasn't anything like that. Barely had the time to look at me, would rather leave me in the care of the servants than spend time with me, let alone teach me anything. Not Lord Rothen. And Sonea isn't even a relative of his – she's literally a girl he picked up from the streets! And he still spent all that time taking care of her, teaching her things because, for some reason, he felt responsible. And what was the reward for all that kindness, all that hard work? You accusing him – and Sonea – of vile things. You disgust me, Regin of Winar."

Sonea felt marginally better after hearing all that – while some people had not believed Rothen capable of such a thing, they all had thought her capable. Had assumed that she had seduced him, had won his guardianship that way.

Sonea still felt sick just thinking about this.

By now, a crowd had gathered to watch the spat between Regin and Trassia. Sonea felt another surge of panic.

"Sonea, you're looking awfully pale there", Narron said, taking a step toward her, his voice tinged with concern.

This was bad. There was no way people wouldn't talk. There'd be rumours about her and Akkarin next. She'd have to leave the residence, go back to the Novice's Quarters. Where she'd be alone. And Lord Ahrind certainly wouldn't allow her to hang up dried lavender, and then the nightmares would return, and people would ask questions, and then they'd find out about Akkarin, and then he'd be executed –

"Sonea, you have to slow down your breathing, you're breathing too fast!", Trassia implored, appearing in her field of vision. "Can you hear me? You're getting too much oxygen into your body, and that's bad for you."

It's called hyperventilation, Trassia, the word kinda implies breathing too fast. Yes, I can hear you. And yes, I know that having too much oxygen in my body is bad, thank you very much. What do you want me to do about it? Stop hyperventilating? Gee, I wish I could.

Trassia's expression took on a slightly panicked note when Sonea showed no outward response. Taking a deep breath, she turned away and all but shrieked, "We need a Healer! Someone fetch a Healer!"

Narron flinched, and Sonea felt that.

"Try not to shriek into her ear, I don't think she appreciates it", he chided as he tugged on her arm to get her to move away from Sonea. "Sonea, do you want to give me that book to hold on to? You're gripping it rather tightly. Can you let go of it?"

Sonea considered the question, and decided to try. Somehow, she managed to loosen her bruising grip, and Narron cautiously extracted the book from her hands.

"I'll take good care of it, don't you worry", he promised.

Unfortunately, no longer having anything to hold on to increased Sonea's anxiety, and she fisted her hands into her sleeves in a desperate attempt to soothe herself as her breathing became even more erratic.

Then, she registered the sound of running footsteps, and a familiar voice shouting for people to clear the way. Part of Sonea wanted to feel relief, but she couldn't muster enough energy.

"Over here!", Trassia yelled, waving. "Sonea is hyperventilating, we can't calm her!"

Lorlen skidded to a halt in front of Sonea, his eyes full of concern.

"Can you help her, Administrator?", Narron asked, wide-eyed.

"I happen to be a Healer", Lorlen huffed. "I think I can manage."

"Oh."

Lorlen locked eyes with Sonea, and slowly lifted his hands, as to make sure that she was aware of what he was doing. He gently placed his hands on her temples, and stayed like that for a while. She could sense his mind "hovering" nearby, but he didn't speak.

"Sonea, you need to slow down your breathing, you have far too little carbon dioxide in your blood, and it has started to turn alkaline", Lorlen said in a calm, soothing tone. "If you can, place your hands on your stomach, and try to push them away when you breathe in. If you can't slow down your breathing by yourself, I'll help you, but it would be better if you did it on your own."

Sonea managed to move her hands in a rather jerky movement, and placed them on her stomach. Then, she tried to breathe all the way down there, realising that her breaths were too shallow.

"That's it. Very good. Listen to my voice, and time your breathing. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Focus more on breathing out. That's it. In through your nose, out through your mouth."

Slowly, her breathing started to even out, and the dizziness she had begun to feel lessened. Once she was somewhat calm, her body sagged slightly as the tension ebbed from her muscles. Sonea let out a gusty sigh, and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Will you let me inside?"

Sonea opened her eyes to give him a nod before closing them again, and drawing up the room that represented her mind. When she opened the door, Lorlen was already waiting outside.

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks to you", Sonea replied with a tired smile. "That was certainly unpleasant."

"What happened? Did you have a flashback?"

"No, I just panicked. My thoughts spiralled out of control, and before I knew it, I was hyperventilating. I knew what was happening – and that it was bad, thanks – but I couldn't do anything. I felt like I was frozen in place. Trapped inside my head."

"Those things happen, please don't feel bad about it. I saw Regin in the corridor with you – did he do something to cause this?"

"No, he didn't really do anything – Trassia was the one who started it, really."

"I must admit that I am confused."

"I don't mind showing you the memory, it'd be easier than me trying to explain everything", Sonea sighed.

"Very well."

Sonea tried to remain as detached as possible as she showed Lorlen what had happened, from the moment Trassia had asked her about the book onward. Lorlen, for his part, watched in silence, and showed no outward reaction.

"As things stand", Sonea said once they were done, "I don't think either Regin or Trassia had any kind of malicious intentions, and I most certainly don't want to accuse either of them of anything. But – there were so many people. I fear a repeat of what happened with Rothen if people start spreading Trassia's words around."

"I see. I understand why you would be worried about this, but there is no need to. Nobody has any proof to offer that there is anything untoward going on between you and Akkarin, and, as a result, no-one can send you back to the Novices' Quarters."

"Not having proof didn't stop them from assuming the worst back then, though", Sonea whispered. "Lady Vinara even came to see me, asking questions – I felt mortified. Nobody had any proof, and yet they still believed Regin's lies to be true. And, what was worse, neither Rothen nor I could subject ourselves to a truth-read to prove our innocence, either. I had no other choice but to leave – Rothen tried to stop me, said that it was unnecessary, but I couldn't just do that to him, not after everything he'd done for me. And I can't let the same thing happen to Akkarin, either."

"I just essentially prove-read you", Lorlen pointed out. "With your permission, I could make it abundantly clear that there is nothing going on between you and Akkarin, and could, furthermore, confirm that nothing untoward ever happened between you and Rothen as well. And then there is the fact that Regin, very helpfully, admitted to having started those rumours about you out of spite in front of a crowd. All of that should help forestall the circulation of malicious rumours."

"That – that should work. Thank you. And for including Rothen in this. The whole thing has been quite a burden on my mind."

"Honestly, that Regin… every time I think he can't sink any lower, he manages to surprise me."

"I'll admit that I felt vindicated by Trassia's words, earlier, and that it was a nice feeling. Though I was surprised that she never even seemed to have considered that I might have – well."

"Not everyone here at the Guild assumed the worst of you, you know", Lorlen told her softly. "The ones who didn't usually just didn't go around loudly announcing that."

"Maybe they should have. It would have been nice to know they existed."

"I suppose. But people with no complaints tend to be quiet."

Sonea hummed in agreement.

"Now, then. Before we return to the outside world, there is one last thing I want you to be aware of: While the fears that caused your thoughts to spiral out of control earlier were valid, at least to some degree, they were also quite unfounded. I believe that you do realise this, yourself."

"I – yes, yes, I do. I just – one thing let to another, and then – "

"It's fine, you don't have to justify anything. I just want to keep you from somehow convincing yourself that these 'threats' are real. They are not. Everything will be fine, I promise."

"Thank you", Sonea replied, managing a genuine smile.

"Do you think you will need a hug, afterwards?"

"I – I'm not sure. It'd certainly be nice to get one, but – there'd be people watching. And Regin."

"Forget about them. What matters is your comfort – whether you are comfortable being hugged in such a situation, or not."

"I think – I think I should be able to manage without one for now. I don't feel all that terrible, really. Oh, and I'll be eating with Rothen tonight."

"Very well. Ready?"

"Ready."

Lorlen removed his hands from her head, and Sonea blinked her eyes open – and stumbled. Lorlen's hands shot out to steady her.

"Thanks. I hate it that this happens every time", Sonea griped.

Lorlen grimaced. "Can you stand?"

"Yes, it's fine."

"Good."

Lorlen retracted his hands, and turned to face the crowd, Regin and Trassia in particular.

"Sonea has allowed me to view her memories. Ordinarily, there would be no need for her to volunteer such information – however, given past events, I asked her permission to share what I have learned.

"I would like to make it abundantly clear that there is nothing untoward going on between Sonea and the High Lord, and that, similarly, nothing untoward ever happened between her and Lord Rothen. If you hear anyone say anything to the contrary, assume that those people either blindly believe and parrot gossip, or that they are lying, especially if they are unable to offer proof. Now, looking out for fellow novices and reporting worrying incidents is one thing. Maliciously spreading rumours, another. I sincerely hope that you will all take this to heart, and act accordingly." Lorlen cast his gaze over the gathered novices, and waited for a moment to let all that sink in. "Sonea, you are free to return to classes, or go back to the residence. Regin, Trassia, you two come with me."

"Thank you, Administrator. And for your help, as well", Sonea said, bowing.

Lorlen gave her a smile before beckoning to her classmates. Both looked rather apprehensive as they followed him down the corridor.

Narron made his way over to Sonea, and held the book out for her to take.

"Here you go. I took good care of it, just as I promised."

"Thanks, Narron."

"So, are you going to stay? Or are you going back to your room?"

"I'll stay. I feel much better already."

"All right."

The class Lord Larkin had been teaching had left meanwhile, and the door to the classroom was open. Narron ushered Sonea inside, and sat down next to her.

"Um – you're not angry with me for getting Trassia into trouble?"

"The person who got Trassia into trouble was Trassia", Narron sighed. "As much as I love her, I know she has a hard time reining herself in, and tends to get carried away when she is excited about something. She should have stopped when you asked her to. And, for what it's worth, I'm glad the Administrator was able to get everything sorted. I can't imagine that Trassia meant to cause you any trouble – the way I see it, she was genuinely delighted at the thought that our supposedly cold-hearted leader might be interested in you. It would be like straight out of a folk tale, really."

Sonea let out a groan and hid her face in her hands. "Except that the very idea is utterly ridiculous! Why would he even consider such a thing? He's the High Lord – you heard Trassia list all of his 'good quantities' – and I'm – me."

"You really have to ask?"

Sonea huffed, and peeked at him in between her fingers. "Ask what? I'm too tired for this kind of thing, Narron. Just say what you mean, please."

"Well, then, seeing as how Trassia listed all the High Lord's good qualities earlier, allow me to do the same for you – although my list will be slightly different."

Sonea lowered her hands in favour of twisting them in her lap, not entirely sure what to expect.

"You are curious, smart, always eager to learn something new, kind, caring and gentle, modest, witty, and surprisingly athletic, from what I've heard. Good with a weapon, too, which certainly impresses some guys. You never back down, never let anything stop you once you've made up your mind, and are generally good company. All of that is more than enough for people to want to be friends with you, unless they are of the bigoted persuasion, in which case they're beyond help, anyway. On top of that, you are also beautiful, very much up to the beauty standards of the elite."

Sonea took a moment to absorb all of this. Some of the things Narron had just said sounded very similar to the ones Akkarin had told her on that evening, seemingly so long ago. However, Akkarin had been trying to calm her, he'd certainly not listed qualities that would make her a desirable partner, in whatever form.

"Wait", she whispered as a realisation struck her. "You think I'm beautiful?"

She didn't even attempt to hide the disbelief in her voice.

"Objectively speaking, yes", Narron replied with a chuckle. "Mind you, I'm not attracted to you, but I can see why other men would be. And I'm not just talking about physical attraction, either. Intelligence can be attractive. Power can be attractive. Being skilled with knives can be attractive."

"For what it's worth, I have to agree with Narron", Benon, who had sat down somewhere behind them, chimed in. "To the right person, you'd be very attractive."

"Kindly stay out of this, we didn't need your input", Narron scolded.

"I've never thought of myself as 'beautiful', to be honest", Sonea admitted.

"You would hardly be the first woman to do so", Narron replied with a chuckle. "Many feel insecure about their looks, especially if there is someone around they perceive as much more beautiful, much more attractive. To be honest, I prefer those to the ones who are convinced to be the most beautiful creature in the world. They tend to make for better company than vain airheads."

"I see."

"I would also add your immense magical strength to the list, but this doesn't really matter here, at the Guild."

"So – it might matter to people outside the Guild?"

"Possibly. If a family with a weak bloodline – or what counts as 'weak' here in Kyralia – wanted to strengthen it, they might consider you as a bride for their heir, might be willing to overlooked your background in the hopes that you would produce powerful offspring. And such a match could be beneficial to you as well. That being said, the reverse holds true as well – a daughter with little or no magic might become almost unmarriageable. I'm afraid such is the nobility's obsession with power, well, the magical kind."

Sonea grimaced, and remembered Akkarin's sister Elyssa.

"I'm most certainly not interested in something like that", Sonea huffed. "I want a partner I can trust, someone who is willing to accept all of me, as I am. I don't need a husband willing to overlook part of me just because he wants another. And I'm not some kind of broodmare."

"Fair enough", Narron grimaced. "All that being said – the High Lord gifting you a valuable book need not necessarily be a sign of interest – books are rather unusual courting gifts, after all. And I don't know him well enough to guess his intentions. And you said that he gave it to you as a birthday present, too. If he had given it to you just like that, I'd be more inclined to believe that it might have been a courting gift. Although – you are still a novice. He can't court you, not yet."

Sonea hummed thoughtfully. "And then there's the fact that he kinda forgot my last birthday. He might have got me something 'bigger' this year to make up for that."

"He forgot your last birthday? This is outrageous. I'd have a word with him if I wasn't worried that I'd die of fright if he looked at me."

Sonea let out a chuckle. "He more than made up for that, in my opinion. Yesterday was lovely. And don't even get me started on the book."

A sudden thought occurred to her, and she flipped the book over so that the cover was hidden.

"Are you worried about Lord Larkin?", Narron asked with a grin.

"He's a historian, I bet he'd say something if he saw it", Sonea grumbled. "I don't need another fuss over this."

"Understandable."

Sonea hadn't acted a moment too soon, for Larkin breezed into the classroom in his usual cheerful manner. He was surprised to notice that Trassia and Regin were absent, and Narron just informed him that the Administrator had called them to his office.

Sonea shot him a grateful look, and he playfully nudged her shoulder with his.

As Larkin began his lecture, Sonea's thoughts drifted off. Given the things Narron had said, and the context of the situation, Sonea was fairly convinced that the book hadn't been a courting gift. Even if Akkarin were interested, he wouldn't be stupid enough to blatantly show his regard while she was still his novice. That would only cause both of them trouble.

A small part of her was disappointed.

Sonea mentally scoffed at herself.

See, that's what you get for getting your hopes up. Never expect anything. It only leads to disappointment, every time.

Determined not to let these thoughts drag her down, she instead focused on the lecture. History was a fascinating subject, and Larkin by far her favourite teacher. And Sonea still valued her academic progress, even though overthrowing Akkarin was no longer the drive behind her actions. No, she was doing this just for herself now.

---

Lorlen hoped that he managed to invoke some of Akkarin's intimidating air as he strode down the corridor at a brisk pace. Then again, he had the massive advantage that neither Trassia nor Regin actually knew him – he barely had any dealings with the novices, after all. Incidentally, Sonea was the only novice he'd ever really interacted with.

He swept into his office and settled into the chair behind his desk. Both novices looked sufficiently nervous. Lorlen steepled his fingers, and fixed them with a hard stare.

"If you would care to explain why your classmate was having a panic attack in the middle of a university corridor?"

Trassia and Regin exchanged a glare, and the former took a deep breath.

"I honestly didn't mean to cause Sonea any distress, Administrator, I swear! I was just – I didn't mean to be presumptuous, but – she's always been by herself, and I thought – I honestly just want her to be happy! She deserves that. If anyone's to blame for the fact that she panicked, it's him!", she declared, pointing an accusing finger at Regin.

"I distinctively remember Sonea asking you to stop", Regin replied in a frosty voice. "Did you listen to her? No. You just kept harping on and on, despite the fact that she was visibly uncomfortable!"

"You don't get to lecture me on that front!", Trassia hissed. "Not after what you did."

"Just because I did awful things to her, doesn't mean that what you did wasn't awful, as well", he shot back.

"How dare you!"

Lorlen cleared his throat. The novices turned to face him, and both of them ducked their heads upon seeing the expression on his face.

"Regin is right in saying that you should have heeded Sonea's words, Trassia", Lorlen said sternly. "Boundaries are important. If someone tells you 'no', it means 'no'. If someone asks you to stop, you stop. It doesn't matter if you meant it in jest, or if you thought that it was nothing serious. If someone is uncomfortable with what you are doing, you stop. Incidentally, Trassia, what discipline will you be choosing?"

"Alchemists."

"Oh, good. You'd make a terrible Healer if you can't respect your patients' boundaries."

Regin let out a chuckle, and tried to disguise it as a cough.

Lorlen shot him a glare, and Regin quickly schooled his features.

"Anything to add on your end, Regin?"

"Not – really. I wasn't planning on getting involved, I only spoke up when Trassia kept needling Sonea. I – I very clearly remember how easy it was to spread the rumour about her and Lord Rothen around, how quickly people would believe them. Even if Trassia didn't have any bad intentions – and I don't believe that she did, she's Sonea's friend, after all – other people might spread those rumours around. I felt that the only way to get her to stop was to drive home how serious this might become if she didn't stop with her insinuations."

"So – you were trying to help Sonea?"

"Yes. As strange as this may sound to you, Administrator", Regin replied defensively.

"Your interference did nothing to calm her", Lorlen pointed out. "Her distress became heightened when she realised that you had heard everything."

"I can't really fault her for that", Regin replied with a grimace. "Why would she expect me, of all people, to come to her aid? Of course she'd assume that I'd do something awful again. She has every reason to."

He seemed resigned, his posture slumped.

Trassia shot him a dark look, but said nothing.

"Sonea told me that she doesn't believe that either of you were acting with ill intentions, and has refrained from levelling accusations against either of you."

"What?", Regin exclaimed in disbelief. "Why?"

"Would you rather be accused of something?"

"No, of course not, but – "

"Just because Sonea hasn't accused you of anything doesn't mean there won't be any consequences for either of you", Lorlen pointed out, giving both of them a pointed look.

Both novices swallowed hard. Lorlen picked up his pen, and wrote a quick note to Vinara before handing it to Trassia.

"You will report to Lady Vinara for a week, starting tonight. Hopefully, helping treat patients will teach you something about boundaries, and consent. Furthermore, both of you will tell anyone who asks you about today's events that Trassia's words were merely speculation, or gossip, or whatever you want to call it – you will make it clear that there was no evidence to support her words, and tell people that I truth-read Sonea to prove this."

"Yes, Administrator", Trassia replied in a subdued voice.

"You will also apologise to Sonea for having ignored her boundaries. Regin."

The boy straightened his spine, an apprehensive look on his face.

"You will tell everyone who cares to listen that you were the one to spread the rumours about Sonea and Lord Rothen, and that you did so out of malice, without having any proof to offer. Sonea deserves to be able to spend time with her father figure without having to worry about what the gossips might say about that."

"Yes, Administrator. Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Because I feel like I'm being let off easy."

"Feel free to do some extra atoning if you wish to. Oh, but be advised that I will raise this matter with the High Lord. He may wish to raise the matter with you, in turn."

Regin paled visibly, while Trassia made a small sound of distress.

"Now, then, I hope that you will use this opportunity to reflect on your actions, and better yourselves. You are dismissed."

Both novices bowed to him, and filed out the door. As soon as they were gone, Lorlen let out a groan, and hid his face in his hands. He really hadn't needed any of that, and neither had Sonea.

While Lorlen would agree with Trassia that Akkarin would be a good match, he could also understand why Sonea would panic upon hearing her friend say such a thing.

Then, he stilled when he remembered a stray thought of Sonea's shortly before she'd panicked. She thought Akkarin to be handsome.

Lorlen couldn't help but grin like an idiot. He wasn't certain if Sonea still remembered having this thought after everything, but if she had noticed this once, she was bound to notice it again. Now he could only hope that the thought that the book might have been a sign of his interest wouldn't distress her too much – Lorlen didn't think she was ready to consider such things, not yet. And he was fairly certain that Akkarin hadn't intended for his gift to be interpreted as such.

Which begged the question – why on earth had he given her something as ostentatious as this for her birthday?

Lorlen glanced out of the window, and actually hated the fact that it was far too early to visit Akkarin. They would have to talk.

---

When Takan informed him that Lorlen was early for the evening meal, Akkarin could hardly believe it. However, when he connected with Takan's mind, he could, indeed, see Lorlen approaching the residence at a brisk pace, a scowl on his face.

— Oh, dear. Something's happened.

— He will definitely need some wine, by the looks of him.

— "Some" might be an understatement.

Akkarin withdrew from Takan's mind, and went over to the wine cabinet to pour two glasses. By the time Lorlen arrived, Akkarin was ready. He skipped the greeting, and just pressed the glass into Lorlen's hand.

His friend gave him a grateful smile, and almost downed the entire glass at once. Akkarin summoned the bottle, and refilled the glass.

"Bad day?", he asked in a concerned tone.

"Afraid so", Lorlen grimaced. "And I fear that it concerns you, as well. There's been another incident."

"Sonea?", Akkarin asked, alarmed.

"Let's sit down. You may want to hold on to that bottle."

Akkarin frowned as he settled into his favourite armchair, and tried to rein in his impatience as he poured himself a glass.

Lorlen took another sip of wine before looking up, his expression grave.

"First off, don't worry too much, she's fine. And she told me that she's eating with Rothen tonight, which should further help."

"I see. That is good to know. Well, then, what happened?"

"I was on my way to my office when I heard someone call for a Healer. As in, out loud, not mentally. Assuming that I was, most likely, the only Healer nearby, I responded. When I arrived at the scene, I found Sonea, who was hyperventilating."

Akkarin sucked in a sharp breath, his grip tightening on the left armrest.

"I talked her through a calming exercise, and she managed to regulate her breathing on her own. Then, she let me into her mind, and I did some damage control in there. Sonea also showed me the memory of the conversation preceding her panic attack."

"So, it wasn't a flashback?", Akkarin asked, relaxing marginally.

"No. One of her classmates said something that caused Sonea's thoughts to spiral out of control. This wasn't linked to any traumatic experience she's had."

"Was it Regin?", Akkarin asked with a frown.

Lorlen shook his head. "It was Trassia. I was confused by that, as well, until Sonea showed me the memory." He let out a sigh. "Sonea brought her new book to class, and Trassia got curious. After Sonea showed her the cover, she wanted to know where she'd got it, and Sonea replied that you'd given it to her, without providing any context. This caused Trassia to assume that it was a sign of affection on your part, which caused Sonea to panic."

Akkarin felt his insides freeze over.

"Sonea immediately tried to dissuade Trassia, pointing out that she had received it as a birthday gift. Narron briefly managed to change the subject, but Trassia would not be deterred. She pointed out that it was quite a valuable gift, proceeded to list all of your good qualities – superficial ones, mostly – and refused to listen to Sonea's pleas to stop. She eventually caught on to the fact that Sonea was distressed at the notion – something she couldn't comprehend – and that's when Regin inserted himself into the conversation. He'd been standing somewhere behind Sonea, she only noticed him when he spoke, and panicked even more, fearing that he would spread rumours about her again."

"Again? What do you mean?"

"Trassia asked the same thing, and Regin admitted to having spread the rumour about Sonea and Rothen on purpose, and out of malice. Trassia lost her composure, then, and had a few choice words to say on the matter. Sonea was glad that her friend was standing up for her, but it did little to calm her overall, as by now, a crowd had gathered. Her thoughts then started wildly spiralling out of control as she began imagining the worst-case scenario – the whole thing ended with your execution – "

"Lovely", Akkarin grumbled.

"Look at it this way: She certainly cares. Anyway, Trassia then noticed that Sonea had begun hyperventilating, and tried to calm her. When that failed, she called for help."

"I see", Akkarin replied, tapping his fingers on his armrest. "I am glad you were able to help Sonea. Thank you for that. Then what happened afterwards? After you left Sonea's mind again, that is."

"With her permission, I revealed that she had shown me her memories, and that nothing untoward was going on between you two, and that nothing unwanted had been going on between her and Rothen, either – something that had been a burden on her mind ever since Regin spread those rumours."

Akkarin made an angry sound as he searched his mental library for Sonea's memory of that incident. He must have seen it before, but he couldn't remember what had happened. Eventually, he found the memory in question – he watched, with no small amount of anger, as Regin made insinuations about Sonea, to which she responded by showing him exactly how to handle men like him, and proceeded to down him with a swift manoeuvre.

I'll have to ask her to teach me that one.

She then followed that up by making a scathing remark about the men of his House, and Regin retaliated by suggesting that Sonea must have won herself Rothen's help, and his guardianship, by offering bedroom favours.

Disgusted, Akkarin shoved the memory away, and looked up to find Lorlen watching him with a concerned look.

"Ah – apologies. I just searched for Sonea's memory of that incident. Can I kill Regin? Please?"

"No. No murder. Murder is bad, Akkarin."

Akkarin pouted.

Lorlen let out a sigh before continuing with his tale.

"I made it clear to all the novices present that anyone who said anything different on the matter was either a brainless gossip, or a liar. I then took Regin and Trassia with me after giving Sonea the option to go home – she chose to stay. I questioned her classmates, who were quite honest. Trassia revealed that she'd had no ill intentions, that she just wanted Sonea to be happy. Regin, much to my surprise, had been trying to help Sonea when he noticed that Trassia was ignoring her pleas, and pointed out that Trassia should have stopped when Sonea asked her to. Trassia replied that he hardly had a right to say that, and Regin argued that him having done horrible things to Sonea made the thing she had just done no less horrible. I added that Regin was correct, and stressed the importance of boundaries. In order to help Trassia learn all about that, I sent her to the Healer's quarters to assist with treating patients for a week. I also charged both of them to let people know that Trassia's words had been baseless assumptions, and Regin to tell everyone that he had made up the rumours about Sonea and Rothen. This should forestall any bad rumours spreading about you and Sonea."

"I see. Thank you for your forbearance. Sonea certainly doesn't need any of that again."

"She was more worried about you, you know", Lorlen replied with a chuckle. "Speaking of – I discovered something interesting in her mind earlier."

"Did she give you permission to share that with me?"

"No", Lorlen admitted somewhat reluctantly.

"Then I don't want to know."

"But you'd love to!"

"No. Sonea will tell me herself, should she deem it necessary."

"Very well. That being said, I think it would be better if you didn't raise today's incident with her. It might make her uncomfortable. I imagine that she'll tell Rothen. If she wants to discuss this matter with you, she'll do that on her own terms."

"I see. That is some decent advice – Sonea wasn't comfortable talking about that incident concerning those Healers with me, either. I will give her space in this matter."

"Good. I'm sure she'll appreciate that."

"Thank goodness you were nearby, though", Akkarin whispered. "Just imagine what might have happened if another Healer had reached her before you."

Lorlen grimaced, and took another sip of his wine.

"By the by, Akkarin, why did you decide to gift Sonea with such a rare and expensive book?"

"Let's see… Sonea likes books, has an interest in Healing in general, and Lady Tessia in particular, and I ignored her previous birthday because forcing her to celebrate with me would have been awkward at best. Those were my motives. Satisfied?"

"Didn't you think that people might ask questions? And Sonea almost suffered an aneurysm when she realised just how valuable your gift was."

"I honestly hadn't expected her to bring it to classes", Akkarin mumbled.

"Why-ever not? You just described it as the perfect gift!"

"Well, part of me was worried that she wouldn't even like it!", Akkarin retorted.

Lorlen gaped at him for a moment before rolling his eyes so hard, Akkarin feared they might get stuck.

"I love you, Akkarin, but you can be a right idiot sometimes."

"I'm not sure if I should feel flattened, or offended", Akkarin huffed. "I am allowed to be irrational occasionally, thank you very much."

"I suppose. Though I get the impression that she likes your gift very much."

"She told me that it is her favourite", Akkarin admitted, feeling bashful.

"See? Good job, Akkarin. I think you're doing well. And the celebration, did she enjoy that, too?"

"She did. We actually spent some time in the library, watching the scenery outside – it was beautiful, with the moon almost full – and then – and then, she asked if – if she could give me a hug, to show her appreciation."

Lorlen made a small noise that sounded suspiciously like a squeal. "I hope you let her?"

"Of course. How could I not?"

Lorlen let out a giggle, and reached for his wine. "I am so happy for you both. Just you wait, Akkarin. She'll fall in love with you yet."

Akkarin reached for his own glass, and fervently hoped that Lorlen was right.

---

"We'll be arriving soon, Lady Sonea. Are you ready?"

Sonea patted down her pockets, and nodded. She had her vials and her knife, she was as prepared as could be.

The carriage stopped in front of a grand building that had clearly been built out of magically-shaped stone. Takan got out first, and offered Sonea his hand. She thanked him with a smile, and they joined the crowd of people eager to get inside.

Takan wasn't wearing his servant's uniform, instead, he wore simple clothes of good quality – not unlike the things wealthy tradesmen wore.

Sonea was aware of the fact that there was some kind of hierarchy among servants, but had no idea how any of that worked. However, she figured that being the High Lord's servant was probably one of the better positions.

They filed into the foyer, and Takan consulted their tickets before turning right. Ignoring the stairs, he went through a door on the ground floor, and they found themselves in what appeared to be a cloak room. Takan handed over his coat for a small fee, and ushered Sonea into the auditorium.

The entire space was filled with rows of tip-up seats, and each row had a number. Takan quickly found the correct one, and started moving along the row, looking for their seats. They had to squeeze past a few people who had already taken their seats, though they didn't seem to mind.

They seemed surprised when they noticed her robes, though Sonea couldn't guess why.

Sonea was no stranger to music, as it was everywhere in the slums – people would sing working songs, or songs to pass the time, and street performers tried to make a living. The crowd at a bolhouse might burst into song at any given moment, sometimes with the sole intent of dissing the authorities. Performers would also visit bolhouses, especially in winter. Music had a tendency to make everything better.

However, Sonea had never seen so many musicians in one place, and there were a great number of instruments she was unfamiliar with.

"The musicians are organised in sections", Takan explained in a whisper. "In front and the middle back you have the string section, over there, on the left, are the woodwinds. The brass section is on the right. And in the far back, on both sides, are percussion instruments, such as drums, gongs, and xylophones. Sometimes, they have harps, as well, but it seems that there won't be any during tonight's performance."

"I see. That's interesting."

The musicians were busy tuning their instruments, and some even tried to get in some last-minute practice. Sonea smiled at that. It reminded her of some of her classmates, who would spend every minute before an exam pouring over books and scrolls.

When a man came striding onto the stage and climbed onto a small podium, people started clapping. Sonea went along, despite having no idea why they were doing this.

"That's the conductor", Takan explained in a louder whisper. "It's his job to make sure all musicians work together in harmony. He tells various groups when to come in, and determines the piece's speed and volume."

Sonea nodded her head. The conductor motioned for the musicians to rise before turning, and bowing to the audience. Then, he turned back around, while the musicians sat back down, and picked up a thin rod. Silence fell, and everybody seemed to be holding their breaths.

The first piece stared with a blast, startling Sonea, who had not expected this. However, it didn't take long for the music to sweep her along, and by the time the piece was finished, she was clapping enthusiastically alongside everyone else.

Sonea had never heard music being played like this before, it was an extraordinary experience. She was smiling brightly most of the time, and had to Heal her hands several times because all that clapping hurt.

Sonea was rather surprised when the conductor turned around to bow to the audience after the next song, and left the stage, followed by the musicians.

"Is it over already?", she asked, her voice tinged with disappointment.

"No", Takan chuckled. "There'll be a short intermission, is all. The musicians need to rest, and the visitors to stretch their legs. We could go get something to drink."

"Good idea."

"Just make sure to finish your drink before the end of the intermission. Food and drinks are not allowed in here."

"Got it."

Takan quickly secured them two glasses of wine, and insisted that he pay, as it had been her birthday. Sonea gave in after a bit of arguing.

They walked out into the foyer, and Sonea glanced up at the gallery above them. She'd noticed small compartments or whatever they were called which had been occupied by nobles. They were much closer to the stage, and appeared to have more comfortable seats, too.

Leave it to the nobles to snatch the best places away, Sonea thought sourly.

"Sonea!"

She stiffened at hearing that voice – granted, she'd never heard he speaker sound so breathless before, but she recognised the voice nonetheless.

Takan caught her panicked gaze, and immediately moved closer to her.

"We can leave, if you wish."

"No, no, I don't want to. I refuse to let him spoil this evening, for either of us."

"I see. If you change your mind, just say the word."

"Thank you."

Sonea took a fortifying breath and schooled her features before turning around. Regin's face was a bit blotchy, and he was clutching his side with one hand. It seemed as if he'd been running.

She could sense Takan move in closer at her back, as though to show his support. Sonea could have hugged him.

"I'm sorry if I startled you", Regin wheezed as his colour slowly started to return to normal – apparently, he was Healing himself. "I saw you from the gallery, and I had to – I tried talking to you for a week with no success."

Sonea felt no need to comment on that. The reasons why he had been unsuccessful so far were called "secret passages" and "Narron and Trassia".

Although he seemed to have given up at one point. Not that this had caused either Sonea or her friends to let their guard down.

Having realised that she wasn't going to say anything, Regin opened his mouth.

"Regin! What do you think you were doing, running off like this?", a sonorous voice boomed.

Regin jumped, and paled, his eyes widening. Looking over his shoulder, Sonea saw a couple approaching them at a quick pace. Given their obvious similarities with Regin – and, to some extent, Donevin – Sonea guessed that they had to be Regin's parents.

They were already quite advanced in age, which made sense, given that they had an adult grandson. Their style of clothing was different from what Chessea and her husband had worn – the lady, in particular, wore a dress with a ridiculously bloated skirt, and Sonea idly wondered why she would subject herself to that.

This is just what I needed. Regin and his parents.

Given her previous experience with Winar men, Sonea braced herself for something unpleasant.

"And who is this?", Regin's mother – presumably – asked with an arched brow as she examined Sonea.

"Ah – mother, father, this is Sonea, the High Lord's favourite. Sonea, these are my parents."

They bowed to each other, and Sonea kept her face carefully blank. She would give them no quarter.

"Oh, my", Lady Winar said, flipping open her fan and partially hiding her face behind it. "You are surprisingly pretty, for a Dwell."

Behind Sonea, Takan made a barely-suppressed sound of anger. However, Sonea had been shoring up her defences, and was prepared to retaliate.

"I can see where Regin got his charming manners from", she replied in the sweetest tone she could muster.

Regin winced.

It took his mother bit longer to realise that she had just been insulted in turn. She snapped her fan shut, her eyes blazing.

"Why, you – "

"Mother, don't!", Regin warned.

"Regin, stay out of this – "

"You are about to prove her point!"

Lady Winar paused, and narrowed her eyes at Sonea. Sonea gave her the most innocent smile she could muster in return.

"I suggest that you don't get into a verbal sparring match with Sonea", Regin warned. "And don't insult her unless you want to face the High Lord's wrath."

"Or the King's", Sonea interjected smoothly. "Honestly, I'm not sure which you should fear more."

"I had heard that you have managed to gain the favour of the King", Lord Winar interjected with a frown. "Is this true?"

"Indeed", Sonea replied, inclining her head. "And I don't intend to do anything that might lose me his favour. Like going around and insulting people for no reason."

She punctuated that with another smile.

Lady Winar looked as though she'd bitten into a sour grape.

"I take it the High Lord has been teaching you rhetoric?", Lord Winar asked.

"He has, among other things. He made certain that I was well-prepared to deal with any situations that may arise."

"I see."

The look he gave her was calculating, as though he was trying to determine just how dangerous she might be. It showed that he had a little more sense than his wife.

"I still don't understand why you would run off on us just to speak with a classmate you see every day", he said, turning to Regin with a frown. "You're not a child any more. Don't act on every silly whim."

Regin opened his mouth to make what looked like an angry retort when something slammed into Sonea's legs, latching on to her. Sonea made a rather undignified sound, and fought to retain her balance. Takan's hand shot out to steady her.

Regin looked down at Sonea's "assailant", and his jaw dropped.

"Miss Magician!", a cheerful voice exulted.

"Hello, little man", Sonea breathed. "You gave me a bit of a scare there. It's not a good idea to scare magicians. If I'd put up a barrier in response, you would have got zapped."

"Oh. Sorry."

He let go of her legs, and Takan released his hold on her, as well.

Regin's parents looked as thought they were in the wrong play. Regin seemed to be taking this in stride.

Sonea turned, and crouched down in front of the boy.

"Did you run away from your parents again?", she asked softly.

"They were talking to boring people again", he pouted.

Sonea suppressed a sigh. "You can't run off every time you get bored, especially not in a place like this. The palace is one thing, but this is a public place – you don't know who's hiding in the crowd. There could be people here who are looking for an easy target. Others might see an opportunity, and seize it."

The little boy looked thoughtful, and was about to say something when Lady Winar spoke in a snide voice, "You would know all about these things, I'd expect."

Feeling an intense flare of anger, Sonea surged to her feet. Takan shot her a warning look, and Sonea took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down. When she turned to face Regin's mother, she had herself under control once more.

She locked eyes with the other woman before dropping her gaze to take a closer look at her gown, making sure that she noticed. Then, she looked up again, and pinned Lady Winar with a penetrating stare.

"Two-hundred-and-fifty."

"I – what?"

"If I were to turn your dress into money, I could feed two-hundred-and-fifty families for a week. You parade your wealth around for all to see while my people starve, and freeze in the streets in winter, and you have the gall to look down on me? I never bought anything I didn't need. The High Lord recently offered to increase my allowance, and I declined. Every single unnecessary thing that I own was given to me. What do I need a brush with a silver handle for, when a wooden one gets the job done just as well? You can't even impress anyone with a hairbrush. It'll only cause more work for the servants because silver doesn't stay clean! How dare you."

At the end of her speech, Sonea was trembling with rage. She took a shuddering breath, letting out tension. It would not do for her to lose her cool.

Regin had turned a shade paler, although Sonea wasn't sure if it was because of what she'd said, or if he was worried that she might attack his mother.

She shot him a quick glance in hopes of reassuring him.

He gave her something that might be considered a smile in return.

"Mother, I believe I told you not to provoke her", he ground out. "Do you want to cause a scene?"

The little boy tugged on Sonea's sleeve, and she turned to look at him.

"Miss Magician, why is she being mean to you?"

"I wish I knew", Sonea replied with a sigh. "You'd have to ask her."

He considered that before nodding his head. Then, he marched past Sonea, planted himself in front of Regin's parents, and put his tiny hands on his tiny hips.

"Why are you being mean to Miss Magician?", he demanded, loud enough for several people to hear.

Heads turned in their direction, and Sonea couldn't tell whose feelings of mortification were the most intense – hers, or Regin's family's.

She hadn't expected him to take her words as a suggestion. This was just something people said.

Well, at least Lady Winar appeared to have been rendered speechless. She gaped at the little boy like a fish on dry land, blinked several times, and finally managed to regain her composure somewhat.

"Well?", the boy prompted in the most authoritative voice he could muster.

"I, that is, I was just – "

"Miss Magician is a really nice person. And if you're being mean to her for no reason, it makes you a bad guy."

Sonea was quite glad she wasn't on the receiving end of children's logic – she wouldn't have known what to say to that.

Lady Winar looked mortified.

Her husband cleared his throat, and tugged on her arm to get her to step back.

"That was some impressive calculating right there", he said in what he probably thought was a conciliatory tone. "I wasn't expecting that."

"I know. A woman who is good at maths. How outrageous."

Regin let out a chuckle at her deadpan tone. "I can top that, father – the High Lord thinks that Sonea would make a great Warrior."

Lord Winar looked rather flabbergasted.

"My lady", Takan interjected. "The intermission will end soon. If at all possible, we should try to reunite the boy with his parents – or hand him over into the care of the staff."

"Good idea. But how do we do that? I don't suppose the walls here have Eyes."

"Not as far as I know."

"I suppose I could pick him up, and see if he can spot them", Sonea mused.

"Allow me to help", Regin said, much to her surprise. "I am taller than you."

"Oh, right."

He surprised her further by crouching down in front of the boy, who was watching him sceptically.

"Would you like to ride on my shoulders?"

The boy paused for a moment before nodding enthusiastically. Regin gave him a grin, and hoisted him onto his shoulders.

"Tell me if you can see your parents."

"Right."

"Is it normal for parents to bring children this young to attend these kinds of things?", Sonea asked Takan with a frown.

"Not based on what I have observed. They tend to be at least seven or eight – at that age, they would have started their formal education, and would be used to sitting still for longer periods of time. That is not to say that younger children can't do that. But I don't think I've ever seen a child this young in here."

"How comes you know each other?", Regin asked Sonea.

"We met at the palace, where he ran away from his parents because he was bored. When the King found out, he wasn't pleased. Said that the palace wasn't a nursery."

"Well, no kidding. What were they thinking…"

"I see them!", the little boy announced, pulling on Regin's hair, making him wince.

"Wave them over."

Sonea turned to confirm that they had spotted their son before helping Regin lowering him back to the floor. She turned back around to see that his parents had reached them meanwhile.

"I see you've managed to misplace your son again", Sonea said in a cool voice as she greeted them with the shallowest bow she could manage.

"Ah, yes, it seems so", the father stuttered as he bowed in return. He then shot a rather nervous look in the direction of Regin's parents – who decided to ignore them.

Interesting. Is this a personal feud, or have they fallen out of favour to this extent?

"Try not to lose him again. I won't always be around to mind him for you", Sonea instructed.

"Yes, quite. Thank you, Lady Sonea."

A gong chimed, causing the gathered people to stir.

"We should head back, my lady", Takan implored.

"As should we", Lady Winar said archly. "Come, Regin."

"Go on ahead, I'll be right there."

The little boy's parents used their distraction to beat a hasty retreat. The boy waved at Sonea, and she waved back with a smile.

"Sonea."

She suppressed a sigh as she turned to face Regin, who was watching her with obvious apprehension.

"Keep it brief, Regin."

"I just – I need to talk to you. Please. I can't – I don't – please. I have to – I promise I won't bother you again, afterwards. I swear it on the honour of my family, and the good name of my House. Just – please."

Sonea had never thought she'd see the day Regin would beg. He seemed borderline desperate, wringing his hands, his eyes darting between hers as though he wasn't quite certain where to look.

Sonea remembered Akkarin's words that running away wouldn't solve problems. Regin was, apparently, well enough to be able to handle speaking with her. She could hardly use his well-being as an excuse to avoid him, now.

"Very well. I'll be waiting over there, by that column."

"Thank you", he breathed, his face lighting up. "I promise not to keep you waiting."

Another gong chimed, and Regin grimaced.

"See you later", Sonea offered.

He gave her a nod. By now, the crowd had thinned, and Regin created a disk of magic under his feet to take a shortcut. Sonea and Takan passed their glasses to a servant, and hurried back inside.

"Are you quite certain that this is wise?", Takan asked in a whisper.

"I don't think I'd do either of us a favour if I keep running from this. I'll hear him out, and that should be the end of that."

"Very well."

Sonea forced herself to put all thoughts of Regin – and what he might want with her – out of her mind, determined to enjoy the rest of the performance. The music soon captivated her again, and she quickly forgot all her worries.

The second half of the concert was even better than the first one, and by the end, Sonea was in a great mood. She spent the short walk outside excitedly chatting with Takan. They had to queue for a bit to get his coat back, but finally made it back into the foyer.

"Would you like for me to relay your conversation with Regin to the High Lord?", Takan asked in a low voice.

"I think that might be helpful. I would feel a bit safer that way. And it would save me the trouble of having to tell him later. That is, if you are fine with that."

"I am used to spying for him", Takan replied with a shrug.

Regin soon appeared, and made his way toward them. He still appeared nervous – not something Sonea was used to. He'd always been the very picture of confidence, always so sure of himself.

Well, except for when –

Sonea forced herself to abandon that train of thought.

"Thank you for waiting", Regin said with a terse smile as he reached them. "I – truth be told, I wasn't certain that you would."

"I suppose I can't fault you for that, given my recent behaviour", Sonea replied.

"I guess. Well, then, the reason I've wanted to speak with you is – well, I've been doing some thinking. It's been a bit of a longer process, really, and, well. Basically, what I want is to apologise."

Sonea gaped at him, unable to help herself. Regin grimaced at seeing her reaction.

"I've realised, over the course of the last year, that my behaviour toward you has been atrocious, and unworthy of a nobleman – no, anyone who thinks of himself as a decent fellow. I'll admit that this wasn't easy, and part of me struggled against these realisations, refused to accept that I might have been in the wrong. But I was, and I am sorry. I'm sorry for all the awful things I said to you. I'm sorry for starting those rumours. I'm sorry for chasing you, and hurting you, and for every little thing I did that I might not remember. For planting Narron's pen in your box, and trying to frame you for stealing Lord Jullen's inkwell, too. The things I did were petty, and cruel, and you did not deserve any of them."

He took a deep breath. So far, he'd been unable to look her in the eye, had been busy examining his boots. Now, he lifted his gaze to hers – it was open, and vulnerable. Another expression Sonea had never expected to see him make.

"I'm not saying this because I expect you to forgive me – I don't expect you to, not after the things I've done, and I was told that, just because I apologised, that didn't mean that you had to forgive me. I just – I just wanted you to know that I am truly, genuinely sorry for what I've done. I regret every single thing. I – if you'd let me, I'd like to find a way to make amends to you, as much as I can. You don't have to, obviously. I would totally understand it if you'd never wanted to talk to me again after today. I just. Wanted you to know."

He shrugged in a rather helpless manner. Sonea was silent as she took a moment to digest what he had just said.

"I must confess that I never expected anything like this", she replied at length. "But I appreciate your words, and I acknowledge the growth you've undergone, and your apology. I – know what it is like, to realise that you were terribly wrong about something, or someone – and I know how hard it can be to admit as much. I commend you for that. However – I can't forgive you for what you've done. I don't know if I'll ever be able to."

"That's fine", Regin assured her. "I – some of the people I spoke with pointed out the fact that I – that I hurt you, deeply. That my actions must have traumatised you", he said haltingly, closely watching her reactions. "Only a fool would expect you to just brush that off. It's fine, you don't have to forgive me. Although – I would like to try to become someone you might be able to forgive, one day, if that's all right with you."

"That seems acceptable. I most certainly won't get in the way of you trying to better yourself. As for you making amends to me – I'd have to give that some thought, especially since I have no idea as to how you could do that. I'm not aware that you have anything to offer that I might want."

"Fair enough. Oh, uh, I also wanted to thank you – for all those little things you did for me that you didn't have to – and for saving me from tumbling down the stairs the other day. I – reacted poorly, and I'm dreadfully sorry for that, as well."

"You panicked. It happens."

"Yes, but – you'd just saved me, in a way, and instead of thanking you, I – it was certainly not my intention to burden you with my problems. You hardly deserved that, on top of everything else."

"You didn't do it on purpose, which makes it easier for me to deal with", Sonea replied. "I won't hold that against you. Although I do appreciate your apology."

"I see. Thank you. You are too kind – and I mean that in the best way possible."

Sonea let out a huff. "People keep telling me that like it's a bad thing, so this is a welcome change."

"Right."

"Was that all?", Sonea asked cautiously.

"I think so."

"All right. In that case, I would like to leave. It's getting late."

Regin nodded his assent, and they started moving toward the entrance. Sonea had somewhat absently noticed that the crowd had been thinning rapidly during their conversation, and by now, the place was empty. There was something eery about a grand house like this being silent.

They stepped outside, and were immediately buffeted by cold winds. Sonea made an angry sound, and threw up a barrier around them to ward off the chill.

"Thank you, Lady Sonea", Takan said.

"Warn me next time", Regin gasped. "You almost gave me a heart-attack."

"Oh, no, I'm so sorry – I wasn't thinking – "

"It's fine. And you don't get to apologise to me." He let out a sigh. "I'm not looking forward to walking back to the Guild."

"Didn't you come by carriage?"

"I went to visit my parents beforehand, and they sent their carriage to fetch me. The plan had been for them to drop me off at the Guild, but – they made it abundantly clear that they weren't going to wait for me."

"Rude", Sonea muttered.

"It may not surprise you that they didn't like the idea of me 'consorting' with you. I guess my father was trying to coerce me into leaving with them."

"I see."

Lord Winar may be the smarter of the two, but he's still a jerk.

"You could ride with us", Sonea suggested tentatively, uncertain as to how he'd receive such an offer.

"Didn't you come here in the curricle?", Regin asked, surprised.

"No", Sonea huffed. "I wouldn't feel confident cruising around the Inner Circle just yet. We're currently practising on the Guild grounds. I am getting better at it, though."

"I see. Well, uh, if you could take me along, I'd be much obliged."

"Sure."

Thankfully, the carriage came around the corner that very moment, and Sonea strode toward it. Takan handed her inside, and Sonea plopped down on the bench facing forward. Regin followed after her, and sat down opposite her. Takan climbed in after him, and sat down next to Regin, which earned him a confused look.

"What, did you expect me to sit down next to Lady Sonea, Lord Regin?", Takan asked in a dry voice.

"N-no, I suppose not."

Sonea rapped on the roof of the carriage, and off they were.

"Behave yourselves", she warned the others, "or I'll make you walk."

Thankfully, the ride back was short. Sonea called to the driver to drop them off in front of the university entrance.

Takan handed her down and stepped away. Sonea moved to the side to allow Regin to climb down. On a whim, she turned and offered him her hand, the same way Takan had just now.

Regin paused when he noticed, and Sonea felt a surge of panic. She'd only meant to be nice, but there was a chance that Regin wouldn't want to touch her, or that he'd think that she was being improper.

She was about to retract her hand when Regin surprised her by placing his hand in hers. She helped him down, and Regin swept a deep bow.

"Thank you most kindly, o gallant Sonea."

"You are most welcome."

Regin let out a giggle, and Sonea gave him a tentative smile in return.

"So – I guess I'll see you on Firstday?"

"Right. Unless some kind of disaster strikes, I'll be in class."

"Well then, good night. And thanks again for the ride."

"Don't mention it."

Regin gave her a shy smile before turning, and heading around the university building. Sonea watched him go, not entirely sure what to make of him. Letting out a soft sigh, she turned away and started down the road toward the residence.

"How are you feeling, my lady?"

"Quite well, all things considered."

"I see. That is good to hear – although the High Lord may be a bit disappointed."

"Why, what did he do?"

"He ignored my edict that he is banned from the kitchen", Takan replied with a huff, "and has apparently melted some chocolate. I'm not entirely certain why, though. But I imagine he wants to give it to you, assuming that you might need it."

"That's so sweet", Sonea whispered. "Wait – don't tell him that I said that. But I am not someone to refuse chocolate. Even if it is liquid."

"He should have stayed out of my kitchen. Can't leave him alone for a single evening without him doing something to annoy me."

"Please don't be too cross with him."

"That'll depend on the state of my kitchen."

"I'll help you clean."

"Out of the question. While I expect you to be more capable than the High Lord in this regard, it would be highly inappropriate for you to do such menial work."

"Oh, shove off. I grew up without any servants around, you know."

"Still."

They spent the rest of the walk bickering amicably. Sonea was quite eager to find out what it was that Akkarin had concocted for her, and quickened her pace. Takan let out a chuckle, but hurried to keep up. Tonight, Sonea couldn't get home quickly enough.

---

A/N:

I've run into a bit of a problem with the books' timeline – in "The Novice", Rothen states that Sonea is almost 17. Based on that information, I deduced that Sonea's birthday was in late summer or autumn. At the beginning of "The High Lord", Sonea states that she is in her third year, and that she's been living with Akkarin for 1 ½ years. Later in the book, she tells Akkarin that she's almost 20. If she was, indeed, 17 at the start of the second book, she would have been 18 in her second year, and 19 in her third year. Not 20. This doesn't physics.
I wracked my brain trying to figure this out for a bit, and then came to the conclusion that Trudi Canavan might have made a mistake here – 17+3=20, after all. Except that it doesn't work like this.
For the sake of my sanity, I have decided to ignore this discrepancy, and that we're missing a year somehow. Sonea turns 20 in her third year.

The chapter title is a line from a poem called "I Sit Beside The Fire And Think" by J.R.R. Tolkien. Go read it. It's lovely.

Originally, Chessea wasn't present for Sonea's birthday celebration, but, since she's her friend, I felt that I had to include her. This brought on the problem of what she could gift her, something that would both make Sonea happy, and not throw a fit because it cost money, and that was practical on top of all of that. Then I went, hey, Chessea is a noblewoman. They know how to embroider things. Let's have her make Sonea a handkerchief.

Turns out that writing panic attacks is easier than writing breakdowns – possibly because I find breakdowns harder to deal with myself. I also used this opportunity to research what, exactly, hyperventilation does to the body. I knew that lack of CO2 was an issue, but not that it caused the blood to become alkaline.
I don't know if this is a common thing, but I retain full awareness of my surroundings during panic attacks, and can still hear and understand people. My brain always cranks up the sarcasm to 100% whenever people tell me things like "You have to breathe!" Thank you, Captain Obvious. I know that not breathing is kinda unhealthy. I understand that the people might be panicking themselves, or are just trying to be helpful, but still.

Sonea has reached the denial phase! Yay!

In an interesting twist that wasn't planned on my end and just happened, Regin is echoing Sonea's words from Chapter 3, back in the classroom.

My original draft for the ride home from the concert house had Sonea's carriage come under attack by the next spy, and Savara swoop in to save them. While I liked that version very much, I decided not to go with it as it would have presented a number of problems.

It will please you to know that, in Chapter 10, and at around 300 pages of text, I finally figured out how to resolve the main conflict. I haven't ironed out all the details yet, but I know how to get there – and back again. The middle part will figure itself out.

A note on fashion II:
Regin's parents are wearing what is essentially Tudor fashion. There are sites on the internet that allow you to calculate the worth of clothing, and express that in money, or items, or food. The dress mentioned in the chapter has a value equal to 1.200 gallons of Anuren dark. Akkarin could happily spend the rest of his life permanently drunk, and bathe in the stuff, if he were to sell Lady Winar's (or one of his mother's) gowns.

Glossary:
sotto voce = in a low voice (ital., literally "below voice")

Akkarin: * picks the perfect gift for Sonea *
also Akkarin: She might not like it. Help.

Sonea: * sees Akkarin's face illuminated by the moonlight *
Sonea: Shit, he's handsome. This is problematic.
Akkarin: Sonea is so beautiful, I could kiss her.

Lorlen: I shouldn't have to teach 18-year-olds about boundaries.

Lorlen: Sonea thinks that Akkarin is handsome! Wohooo!

Takan: Lorlen is early.
Akkarin: What, is he sick?

Lorlen: I am not drunk enough for this.

Akkarin: Is murder legal yet?

A random child: * attaches himself to Sonea's legs *
Regin's parents: *visible confusion *
Regin: I guess this is normal.

Takan: What were you doing in my kitchen?
Akkarin: I figured that Sonea might need some chocolate when she got home.
Takan: That's no excuse to vandalise my kitchen, you lovesick fool.