Chapter Four
Nothing to do With Her
"There were footprints outside the gate where the Colossal Titan would have been. However, if there are footprints, one would expect tracks, wouldn't they? And yet, none led to or away from Shiganshina.
Eyewitnesses said it showed up within an hour or so after we returned from our most recent expedition. Shouldn't we have seen a Titan of that size during our expedition? Why hadn't we ever seen it before? It's almost like it came out of thin air…"
- Wall Maria report by Captain Volkmar Saabye c. 845
Taryn and Bethan stayed close with the Delker-Albin bunch. At first, Taryn wasn't sure why, though there wasn't anything detestable about them, the fact was they were strangers. There were families they were friends with out and about. But she developed her own theories after she saw those same friends with their complete families, mother, father, and children. Just seeing them made her want to smack the smiles off their faces. And the fact that Taryn knew these families made it worse.
By the second day in town, Taryn felt pretty confident she had a good grasp on what to expect in the near future. For breakfast and lunch, they were given a roll of bread. For supper, they were given a cup of vegetable soup or stew in addition to the bread. By the eight evening bell at the clocktower rang, they were expected to return to their housings. By the ringing of the ninth bell, the lights were snuffed out.
On day three, both locals and refugees were gathered in the town square, beneath the clock tower. A group of Garrison soldiers waited at the entrance door atop a flight of stairs, on either side of the center soldier.
Around her, mothers tried to keep their children hushed, everyone else waited with bated breath. Bethan held onto Taryn's upper arm, her body huddled close as if Taryn were the mother in the relationship. There was an uncomfortable weight in the air as the crowd slowly stopped chatting amongst themselves without instructions from the soldiers. Everybody, from the locals to the refugees wanted some sort of news.
"Can I have your attention, please," the center soldier declared, projecting his voice. Taryn almost chortled, wondering if that declaration was a force of habit or not. "Three days ago the Titans broke into the Shiganshina District of Wall Maria. Normally if this happened citizens would have been evacuated and the Titans would have been enclosed within Shiganshina. But, that's not what happened, and now the Titans are roaming all across the inner borders of Wall Maria."
"Get the fuck on with it," Taryn said under her breath. Bethan squeezed Taryn's arm, scolding her with the utterance of her name. "We already know all this. If they're going to share news, share news."
"Since then, the Survey Corps and the Garrison Brigade have been working together to evacuate as many Wall Maria citizens as possible and try to eradicate the Titans. However, the Titans have spread too far, too fast. And the damage done in the Shiganshina District is too great to repair safely. After much discussion, the Royal Government had declared Wall Maria lost to humanity."
Murmurs broke out amongst the crowds, some started sobbing soon after. Taryn's stomach plummeted, and her blood ran cold. A tightness formed in Taryn's throat, followed by a pressure behind her eyes. Bethan squeezed Taryn's arm, tighter and tighter. She knew it was going to come to this at one point or another. She knew that the instant she saw the Armored Titan burst through the north gate. But now that someone finally said it out loud…
Why did bad news manage to still gut a person even when they already knew what was coming?
The soldier went on to explain that the Government understood that families might have gotten separated in the evacuations. So, starting the next day, one person per family was permitted to venture to neighboring towns to ask around for any missing loved ones. The rest were otherwise instructed to remain until further notice.
So, on the fourth morning, Taryn and the Delker-Albin's bid Bethan and Emilie, who had her parents to worry about, a farewell for the day. Taryn initially stayed with the remaining Delker-Albin's. They found an area in town at the side of the road where they wouldn't get in the way. While Anja entertained Jakob, Lorelei, and Tobias when over their current supplies. Namely their collective money and what they could use it for.
After an hour, Taryn grew restless. Perhaps it was because Taryn had been working in the shop full-time since she was twelve, but she needed to do something. "I'm going to walk around for a bit." She stood up. "I'll meet you outside the tavern if you end up moving around."
Lorelie glanced up at her. "Alright, be careful."
"Bye Taryn!" Jakob called, waving his hand in the air enthusiastically.
She gave the family a smile and a wave of the hand before she took off.
Wandering, Taryn hugged her jacket close around her, somewhat embarrassed by the state of her clothes. Wrinkled from her shirt to her skirt, sweat, and dirt clinging to the fabric. It shouldn't have embarrassed her as much as it did. She was hardly the only person in this situation. Every refugee was going around with the same clothes on their back.
Would they have the opportunity to change clothes at all? Or bathe? Sure, they were being fed, if only begrudgingly. Who could say that hospitality would go any further than that, especially now?
The simple fact was, Taryn did not trust the Royal Government to have her best interest in mind. She did not trust them to have the citizens of Wall Maria in mind. Taryn had more faith that the Government was currently planning their exit strategy into the Underground.
"Holy shit…"
Taryn turned her head toward the direction of the voice, only to catch a glimpse of a familiar head of sandy blond hair. For all the time Taryn spent in Lewyn's arms, she couldn't remember if he ever held her as tenderly as he did at that moment. Sure, she held him when his brother died, but that was her being a supportive friend when he couldn't get that support in his family.
He was engaged, though. Was Lewyn's betrothed okay with him holding a woman who wasn't her? A woman he had casual sex with, at that.
Still, Taryn wasn't about to say no to a hug. She wrapped her arms around Lewyn, relieved to find the survival of another familiar face. A familiar scent of musk and aged fabric filled her nose.
Lewyn hadn't changed much since they ended their little trists. He might have trimmed his shaggy hair. But it was still Lewyn. "I can't believe you're… here," Lewyn said breathlessly. "Everything okay with you?"
"Yeah… I got out with little problems. I've found my mom, but we don't know where Dad is."
"Reverse situation for me. I've also been looking for Johanna."
"Johanna?"
'His fiance, stupid.'
"Y-Yeah…" Lewyn ushered Taryn down the road, so they could walk and talk. "I was actually with her father when it happened. First, we heard something like thunder, and then the ground started to shake. When I took a peek outside to see what was going on, I saw rocks crashing into people's homes. People started running north, screaming. That was when I grabbed my father-in-law and got us the hell out."
"I was out of the bakery." Taryn's eyes scanned through the faces they passed as if trying to locate Johanna, though she had no idea what the girl looked like. "So I saw what happened."
"Shit. So… it really was a Titan? Taller than the Wall?"
"Yeah."
"Shit. How the fuck did the Survey Corps miss that?!"
Taryn held up her hands. "I don't know. Christoph made it sound like the Survey Corps are just as stumped as the rest of us."
Through a frustrated sigh, Lewyn halted and carded both hands through his hair. She could hear him muttering a string of curses under his breath. When Lewyn finally put his hands down, his already frizzy hair was standing up on end. "One thing at a time," he murmured, more to himself than to Taryn. They continued walking, side-by-side. "So, what's new with you?"
"Um… not much really…"
"Ah… Great…"
"Great."
"Great."
"Wonderful."
"Wonderful."
"Great."
Silence.
Small talk apparently came easier to them when they were fucking.
Or, not so much fucking, as it was that they saw each other more often. Or it could have been simply because Lewyn was now an engaged man and his history with Taryn had now become a great big horse in the corner.
"Oh," exhaled Lewyn, "isn't that…?"
Taryn looked up to find a woman with her arm stretched into the air as far as she could get it. The woman waved at the pair before she power-walked toward them with the hem of her skirts flying left and right. She was a woman in her late forties to early fifties. Her brown-black hair fell just inches above her shoulders. Trailing behind her, were two young men and a younger woman in their twenties.
Mrs. Birnbaum went straight to Taryn, the woman's hands clamped around her upper arms with a vice-like grip. The older woman's eyes seemed sunken in and hollow. "O-Oh, thank goodness…" Mrs. Birnbaum said through an exhale. Her voice, while usually pleasant, sounded hoarse. "I heard Bethan was asking around for you and your father."
Stiltedly, Mrs. Birnaum loosened her grip on Taryn's arms and rubbed them from her shoulders to her elbows. "Amelie said she was going to try and get you out of the bakery… We… We haven't seen her since…" Her hands went back to gripping Taryn's upper arms. "You have to know where she is, right?"
Out of instinct, Taryn opened her mouth as if to answer 'yes,' but any words remained trapped in her throat. She recalled that day, what had happened when she'd seen Amelie last. They finished at the tavern, shared a few words, and that was when the Colossal Titan appeared. It kicked the gate open and the Titans came into the district. And then…
And then…
Breath caught in Taryn's throat just as an ice-cold sensation tingled across her body. She recalled Amelie's stunned expression, unable to look away from the Colossal Titan looking down at them. How she needed Taryn to pull her back onto her feet. She yelled at Amelie that they needed to go. And Taryn…
Taryn just left her alone, while she was in shock.
And if Mrs. Birnbaum hadn't seen her, then wouldn't that mean…?
"I-I…" Tears began to well in the corners of Taryn's eyes. Her voice came out small and childlike. "I thought she was behind me…"
But that wasn't entirely true. Taryn hardly thought of Amelie once she let go of her arm. She was focused on getting to the bakery, focused on getting Jakob to safety, and focused on finding Bethan and Garit. She never considered Amelie until now.
"I thought she was behind me," Taryn repeated, as though that insistence would make it true.
She dared to look at Mrs. Birnbaum, to find a shattered woman. The color drained from her face and eyes microscopic.
One of the Birnbaum boys, Lukas, the youngest son and second youngest, stepped forward. "Mom?"
Anger flashed across Mrs. Birnbaum's features. In one fluid movement, she released Taryn's arms and struck Taryn across the face; first with her right hand, then her left. Lukas and Elias, the middle brother, went straight to Mrs. Birnbaum's side before she could hit Taryn again.
"You left her?!" Mrs. Birnbaun shrieked loud enough to get the attention of every passerby. Lewyn approached Taryn, his hands on her shoulders as she tried to ease the stinging in her cheeks. "You left my baby?! I thought you were her friend! Give her back! Give her back, GIVE HER BACK!"
Elias took his mother into his arms while his wife, Wyndham rubbed her back. Lukas stood between Taryn and his mother as the woman wailed.
Taryn wanted to vomit.
Lewyn, for his part, stayed at Taryn's side. But he didn't have any idea what to do in this situation any more than Taryn did. He simply stood at her side, watching as the Birnbaum boys managed to escort their emotionally shattered mother away from Taryn.
Even when Mrs. Brinbaum's sobbing grew too distant to be heard the pair remained rooted in spot. Taryn felt a flurry of emotions in her chest. A part of her wanted to be comforted by Lewyn, she wanted someone to say that Mrs. Brinbaum was out of line. That Taryn couldn't be blamed for Amelie's death.
But another part of her knew she didn't deserve the comfort or the lies. Mrs. Brinbaum was within her right to call out Taryn. She was to blame for Amelie's death. If she had just taken Amelie by the hand, even for a few minutes, she might have been able to avoid the Titans altogether.
Another wave of nausea hit Taryn suddenly. Crouching down, she wrapped one arm around her stomach. She tried to breathe in through her nose slowly and deeply, willing it to pass.
This entire experience, the Colossal Titan, the Armored Titan, the fall of Wall Maria, people she knew and loved either missing or dead… None of it felt like it was her life. Everything Taryn experienced since she left the bakery should have just been a horrible nightmare. She should be waking up in bed, shaken from a dream, but still able to go about her day.
How could everything have just fallen apart so easily? Just a week ago Taryn knew what her future held. She knew she was secure, she had a house, a bed, food, and clean clothes. Garit was at her side last week. Amelie was alive. She knew Mr. and Mrs. Royce were alive and well. Everything made sense a week ago. But in an instant, it all came tumbling down.
Was stability so fragile it could collapse in just a matter of hours?
With one last intake of air, Taryn stood back up, her nausea passing. In the corner of her eye, she saw someone staring at her. Someone with brown hair done in braids that fell down her front. Someone glaring a hole into Taryn's head.
She turned her head to get a better look at the person staring at her…
But there wasn't anyone with brown hair looking at her.
"Well…" Lewyn's voice startled Taryn. His gaze wouldn't meet with hers. "I should… get going."
"Uh…" Taryn responded in a moment of brilliance.
"Yeah. I've uh… There's a lot of people around." He gestured around them, then gave Taryn an awkward shrug of his shoulders. "And there's a curfew…"
All Taryn could do was nod. She didn't hold it against Lewyn for not comforting her. Not when she was the one who did the most harm. Did he even see her the same way now? If nothing else, it might discourage any second thoughts Lewyn had about the two of them.
Taryn shuffled her way back to the Delker-Albin's, a little amazed at how much one exchange between people could leave her so emotionally drained. Lorelie, Tobias, and their kids were still in the same spot Taryn left them in. But now they were seated on the ground in a circle.
She sat down behind Jakob with her back against the building wall. "Six… sick hicks nick stick.."
Anja took over. "Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks." Her little cousin started clapping for her, impressed in the way most youngsters had for their older peers.
"That's pretty good," began Tobin. "But can either of you say it five times fast?"
Immediately Jakob and Anja tried again, their voice overlapping each other.
"Six stick sticks nick sick thick six shix-"
"Sick-sick-hicks-nick-sticks-"
Peering over the kids, Lorelie spotted Taryn, her back to the wall and eyes closed, breathing deeply and steadily. "You alright, Taryn? You don't look so good."
"I'm fine," was Taryn's automatic response.
That was what people just did, right? They said 'I'm fine' even though their thoughts were running a mile a minute. They said 'I'm fine' when they really weren't. A little fib to hide what was really on their mind. To change the subject while still sounding polite.
To say those darker, hidden thoughts out loud, to say that Taryn left Amelie for dead, that she was positive the Royces were dead one way or another… To voice her concerns that Garit hadn't made it out…
There was a power to words. A book could speak to a person so deeply that they came back to it over and over. The daily papers told them what happened further in the Walls. They told them what businesses were worth spending money on. A word from the Royal Government could mean the difference between life and death. And to speak the dark thoughts out loud was a full acknowledgment. That yes, she did leave Amelie for death. Mr. and Mrs. Royce, in all likelihood even Benji, were dead.
That… That Garit was dead.
Eventually, Jakob and Anja grew bored of trying to say tongue twisters. A silence soon fell over the group; Taryn was brought out of her revelry when she felt a pair of small hands above her knee. Opening her eyes, Taryn saw Jakob leaning against her. "Do you know anything fun, Taryn?" he asked in a tone that told her he was deliberately trying to be cute.
"Fun how?"
"Something to pass the time. They're expecting us to just sit around."
"It's just for the time being, Jakob," pipped Lorelie.
"What did you do for fun before all this?"
"I'd read, mostly," Taryn murmured a response. A sudden pang shot through her when she remembered the brand-new books she was forced to leave behind in the evacuation. The worlds she couldn't experience anytime soon. The recipes she wanted to study. Gone. Forgotten and likely collecting dust by the river. And that was assuming a Titan hadn't trampled them.
Jakob's expression brightened hopefully. "So, you know some good stories, right? And you tell me one?"
Taryn's mouth hung open ever so slightly, drawing a blank on stories. How could she pick just one? Should she choose a story that wasn't very long? Of course, Taryn wouldn't be able to recount the books word for word, but she should be able to give a decent summary of the books. But then Taryn had to consider the stories that were appropriate for Jakob.
As she wrestled with herself, Anja had scooted up beside Taryn and Jakob, waiting patiently. Shit, she needed to come up with something. Should she just make something up? Well, it seemed as good an idea as anything.
"Uh… In an enchanted woods, was a mountain town. A mining town." Taryn couldn't help but inwardly cringe. Hadn't she read enough to know how to better open a story? "Within the mountain were two things of note; an abundance of valuable stones that the very backbone of the town and the neighboring towns functioned on, and a horde of goblins."
A bout of sharp pain dug into Taryn's thigh. Jakob had his elbows resting on her leg, with his face cradled in his hands as she spun her tale. "S-So, the miners, consisting of a majority of the townsmen and women, had to work around the goblins. It wasn't easy though, and as a result, the two factions came to blows on more than one occasion. Often ending up bloody on both sides.
"Now, in town lived two young women, Tilly and Alline." Tilly and Alline? Damn, it was a good thing Jakob and Anja didn't know Taryn before all this. Otherwise, they would have pointed out how obvious she was being. "Both girls weren't to be pushed around easily, but Tilly was loud and brash. Alline had a silver tongue and charm to boot. They had been friends since childhood, not a milestone in their lives happened without each other knowing.
"Tilly's older brother, however, was one of the miners. Time and time again he managed to escape the pushback from the goblins under the mountain. Until he didn't. Tilly's first response was to seek comfort in Alline's arms.
"'They keep doing this to us,' Tilly cried.
"'I know,' said Alline.
"'They keep doing this! What have we been doing to get back at them?'
"'I don't know, Till. We don't know when they strike back, and everyone believes they live in the mountain. They likely know the place better than we do.'
"'I'm going to apply for a mining job,' said Tilly. 'I'm going to find their stronghold, their fortress, whatever they live in. I'm going to find it's weakness. We're going to destroy them.'
"Alline knew Tilly well enough to know she was serious, so when Tilly applied for the mining position, Alline followed suit. They created a plan where one would cover for the other as one of them searched deeper and deeper into the tunnels.
"A few weeks went by, but they hadn't been able to find anything. What's more, the big boss was beginning to notice the absence of one girl or the other. Alline tried to convince Tilly to ease up on the search. They'd gotten lucky so far, but what would happen when that luck ran out?
"'We're onto something, though,' Tilly said, picking at the cave wall. 'I can feel it!'
"'That maybe,' argued Alline. 'But if they let you go because you're not doing your job you won't be able to search the-'
"An explosion went off deeper in the cave. A couple of miners came running screaming that the goblin king joined the fray. In the distance, a hulking creature with a mighty hammer. One swing of the thing easily took out one of the miners.
"Around the girls, the other miners were panicking. The goblins could get that big? Since when? 'We have to go!' Tilly shouted turning around.
"She ran out of the mouth of the cave with the other miners. Whispers asked what they were supposed to do when the goblin king followed them out. Would they have to evacuate the town?
"The question was answered for them when the goblin king stopped just inside the mouth of the cave. With a mighty roar, he lifted his hammer and started to bring it down. Rock tumbled down, blocking the mouth of the cave, bit by bit until the opening was sealed completely. And just like that it was over.
"Over the next few days, there was talk about what they did now. Without the mine, the town's economy was damaged. But the goblin king's message was clear. Meanwhile, Tilly searched and searched for Alline. No one who was in the mine with them saw her leave. No one had seen her since that day. E-Eventually, Tilly realized… realized she-she left Alline in the-in the cave."
Taryn swallowed, realizing just how dry her throat had become. Her voice had grown shaky as she neared the end of the story.
"Eventually, the town itself started dying. People left to find work elsewhere. Tilly, however, stayed behind for as long as possible, as if waiting for Alline to escape out of the mountain. Decades past. Not one goblin was ever seen outside the mountain. And it's said, in the ghost town you can still see Tilly wandering the streets sobbing and waiting."
She swallowed several times to help moisten her throat. The refugees and locals were only allowed so much water per day now. It best Taryn save it for her meals and the afternoon heat.
At her side, Jakob sat up, staring intently at his lap. "So… They just let the goblins get away with it? They just left? That's dumb!"
Taryn shrugged one shoulder. Not all stories had a happy ending. Taryn and Amelie's certainly didn't.
"They shouldn't have gotten together to kill the goblins," grumbled Jakob.
Bethan didn't say much about how her search went when she came back that evening. She simply cupped Taryn's face in one hand and guided Taryn's bangs out of her eyes with the other.
"You have your dad's hair," Bethan used to tell her affectionately when Taryn was younger.
After a moment, Bethan went to speak with Lorelei, Tobias, and Emelie about what their plans were moving forward. Taryn didn't say much throughout the rest of the night, too exhausted by everything to want to be included in the conversation.
That night, Taryn slept on her left, facing Bethan's back. One arm under her head, as a pillow. The steady sounds of people breathing and snoring around her. She wanted her bed, she wanted a real blanket, she wanted a change of clothes. And more importantly, she wanted Garit. She wanted the warmth of Garit's arms, the soft yet sturdy feeling she got when she sat on his lap with her head resting on his shoulder.
A small squeak escaped Taryn's throat when she took in a deep breath in an attempt to stop the tears from forming. The squeezing sensation in her throat grew unbearable. She should have that conversation with Bethan. That conversation where they spoke about the real possibility that Garit…
But Taryn didn't want to have that conversation. She didn't want to say those three weighted words out loud. Didn't want to face the fallout when the words were spoken. Would Taryn be able to take care of the fallout on her own this time? Because she knew, just knew, Bethan would go away again the moment they acknowledged that Garit was gone.
A shuffling caught Taryn's attention, she could just vaguely make out Bethan turning to face Taryn. She reached out and slid her hand into Taryn's, she could feel the heat of Bethan's pewter wedding ring against her cold flesh. Taryn's fingers twitched. Suddenly overcome with the childish desire to run her finger over the back of Bethan's hand to trace a line connecting the three freckles on her mother's hand. Three freckles, forming the points of a triangle, starting with the top point between Bethan's middle and ring fingers. As a child, Taryn amused herself way too much by tracing the outline of the triangle over and over and over or just feeling the surface of Bethan's wedding ring.
Taryn wasn't sure if she really slept that night. She remembered closing her eyes one minute, then opening them again to find Bethan's hand out of hers. But she did not feel rested come morning.
That day, several townsfolk rounded up old, unwanted clothes to donate to the refugees. Using several tables from the local taverns, they organized the articles gathered by children's clothes and adult clothes.
Taryn went out with Lorelei to go "shopping." Half the endeavor involved elbowing into the crowd and trying to grab something that was just the needed size before someone else could yank it away. The children's clothes were the worst of it. Full-grown women screamed at each other, making the townsfolk who took time out of their day to help uncomfortable.
Taryn helped Lorelei gather at least three days' worth of clothes for Jakob and Anja. Which mostly involved guarding Lorelei and watching to make sure one of the hands around them didn't reach out and grab something out of her hands.
Someone slapped someone else. The woman who was slapped lunched for her attacker. Taryn caught sight of a local townswoman shrieking. Immediately, the woman put her arms around her daughter and took them back two full steps.
Lorelei used the distraction of the squabbling women and dove to grab a couple of sets of boys' clothes. She held them close to her chest, shoving her way back out of the crowd as a Garrison soldier was brought in an attempt to regain control over the peace.
Taryn found out shortly after that Lorelei had picked out clothes at least two sizes too big for Jakob for him to grow into. Planning for the event that they wouldn't have a proper home again for months. Or, heaven forbid, years.
The problem with accepting clothes through donations was that not everyone had taken good care of their clothes. That was where the money purse Taryn hid on her person saved the day. She was able to buy a few sewing needles and a spool of thread to help her group mend their clothes. And they used the opportunity to help Anja master a few stitches. Sewing was, after all, an immensely useful skill to have no matter the sex or place in the world.
That evening, Bethan and Emilie returned with the others before the dinner bell, like always. They usually collected their meals in a large building that usually served as a farmer's market, where local farmers would sell or buy goods and livestock. Until further notice, it served as a canteen as it was large enough for the Wall Maria refugees to eat in and return their bowls when done.
That evening, Taryn noticed the man ladling soup in their bowls for them was giving the refugees a particularly nasty glare. There were a few whispers and jeers from the locals. With the loss of Wall Maria came the loss of resources and the flow of goods until further notice. Meaning it wasn't just space that the refugees were taking up, there was only so much that could go around.
Taryn was the first in her group to finish, so she waited outside lest she continue to bear witness to the glares. Gray clouds plump like a quilt blanketed the sky. Hopefully, it wouldn't start thundering again if rain came…
"...suck the common folk dry, I'll bet," Taryn heard. " So drunk and fat off their own power, those noble bastards are keeping us from working under the delusion that Titans got into Maria."
Delusion?!
Taryn whipped around to find a couple of middle-aged men standing in the dying light of a shop window closing up for the night. "I'm telling you, the idea of a Titan standing taller than the Wall is bullshit," the first man continued. He had a fuzzy beard, but no hair on his head. His shirt sleeves were rolled up just below his elbow. He was a little on the husky side and might have been chewing on whatever tobacco he managed to save. "You didn't see a Titan when you left your home, did you?"
"Well… no, but-"
"And neither did I! See what I mean?! I'll bet you the last of my tobacco that anyone who says otherwise is being paid off."
Of all the stupid-
Paid off?!
Taryn wasn't sure what offended her more, the notion that she was being paid off to uphold a farce or the notion that she would honestly be living like this if she was being paid off!
The man's companion, for his part, looked uneasy with the entire conversation. Niceties prevented him from either changing the subject or just walking away as the man continued.
'Just walk away,' Taryn told herself as her hands balled up at her side. 'Don't say a single fucking word. Just walk away…'
"Why would they do that though?" asked the man's companion.
"To get richer. They want it all for themselves."
"That's not how economics work, idiot," Taryn spat. Her eyes were locked on the man, making it clear who her words were directed at. "If the nobles have it all, that stalls the economic growth. Meaning it would render our currency system worthless. If that were remotely true, they'd just have a bunch of worthless metal."
"Why don't you mind your own damn business," growled the man.
"Well, according to you, I'm being paid off to keep up some charade. You kind of made it my business."
The man turned his head to the side to spit out his tobacco. "I'm no idiot. A Titan taller than the Wall would've been found a long time ago. Ain't it a bit odd that a Titan capable of smashing through the gate only decides to smash it down now? So, yeah, everyone claiming they saw it is being paid off."
"So, by that logic, I'm choosing to live like this?" Taryn extended her hands, gesturing to the town. "I'm choosing to live in near-squaller as opposed to my own house? I fail to understand how you aren't an idiot."
"You know what, girl? I don't think I asked for your opinion."
"I didn't state any opinion. Only facts It's not my fault you don't like it, dumbass."
Taryn saw the rage in the man's eyes before he stormed up to her. As soon as he was within arm's length of her, the man drew his arm back, ready to strike. And Taryn let it come, she let the man strike her across the face, she let him call her a 'haughty bitch'...
So she could claim self-defense when she drove her fist into his nose.
The man cried out, his hands covering his bleeding nose as he was bent over double. A string of 'bitch, bitch, goddamn bitch!' left his lips. After he gathered his bearings, the man tried lumbering his way back to Taryn, his open palm now balled up into a fist.
Taryn threw herself at him before he could bring his fist down on her.
The force caused the two to slide back a few inches. With one hand grasping the man's beard, Taryn held him in place long enough to bring the heel of her opposite hand down, smashing down his nose again.
The man took a page out of Taryn's book by reaching behind her and grabbing a handful of her hair. He yanked her back and to the side, forcing her off him and to the ground. The next thing she knew, pain erupted in her abdomen where he kicked her.
Immediately, Taryn's arms went around her stomach in an attempt to ease the pain. The man grinned, thinking himself the victor after laying the finishing blow against a delicate maiden who got in over her head. As the man-made to leave, Taryn's leg shot out, kicking him in the knee.
The man's leg buckled and Taryn pounced again.
"Wha- TARYN!" came Bethan's voice.
"Yeah! Get 'em, Taryn!" cheered Jakob. Lorelei scolded him immediately after.
Taryn punched the man in the face again; the man's hand suddenly shot up and plastered itself against Taryn's mouth and nose. Swiftly, Taryn turned her head to the side, freeing her mouth from the man's touch, and then she turned her head back toward the appendage and dug her teeth into his flesh.
The man yelled out in a mixture of pain and frustration. He tried to shove Taryn off with his other hand. It only prompted her to dig her teeth in deeper.
The only thing that brought Taryn fully out of the moment was the arm that wrapped around her waist and then the other that wrapped around her shoulders. "All right, that's enough! That's enough!" someone shouted as Taryn was pulled off the man.
Her chest heaved as whoever grabbed her kept her in place. The man was, likewise, pulled away, held back by two men. "Simmer down, Uhlrich," she heard one of the men say. "You wanna get the Garrison involved?"
Finally, Taryn glanced over her shoulder to find Tobias holding her back. Her breathing settled and suddenly she could feel pain in her stomach and her knuckles. "Fucking bitch provoked me!" Ulrich shouted, jabbing a finger in Taryn's direction. "Fucking know-nothing bitch!"
Taryn managed to flash Ulrich her middle finger as Tobias carried her away back to Bethan and the Delker-Albin's. He didn't put her down, or remove his grip from her until Ulrich's friends led him away and the crowd dispatched.
"Taryn!" Bethan spat as soon as Tobias released her. She was pinching the bridge of her nose, her eyes squeezed shut. "Just… Why?"
"He claimed… we were being paid off to… to lie about what happened in Maria!" Taryn's breathing settled down a bit, but she could still feel her heart rattle her ribs and a tremor in her hands.
"That didn't mean you had to engage with him!" Bethan gave her the same exasperated look Taryn was on the receiving end of many, many times over the years.
"You can't reason with that kind of stupid," Lorelei added. She had her arms wrapped around Jakob who held her wrists in place in front of him.
So Taryn was supposed to just ignore stupidity like that? Just ignore how someone said the worst thing that ever happened to her simply didn't happen. Bullshit! That was how stupidity bred like rabbits. The best thing to do was nip it in the bud now and keep it from becoming an issue later.
"You're lucky the Garrison didn't get involved," murmured Bethan. "And even then you would have been lucky if it was just the Garrison."
"What are you saying?" Taryn asked vaguely aware that Lorelei escorted her son and brother away. "That-That-That I should just keep my mouth shut whenever someone says something that stupid?! Just pretend the horrific things I've seen with my own eyes were just some fabrication?!"
"Yes!"
Taryn's jaw clenched. How could Bethan ask that? Pretend that Amelie and Mr. Delker didn't die because of the Titans (and Taryn's negligence in Amelie's case). Wasn't that like pretending they didn't exist at all? Did that mean they were just expected to act like Garit went to pick up some personal use milk and got caught in conversation?
Exhaling, Bethan ran her fingers through her hair and said through her sigh, "Taryn…" She paused to place one hand on Taryn's shoulder, the other ran through Taryn's bangs. "You've always known right from wrong, you've always known when to step in for someone who needs help, no one's ever been able to make you do something you truly didn't want to, and your father and I have always loved that about you… But we had a home back then. We don't have anything right now. We can't afford to have principals. What we need to do is play by the rules and stay in line."
There was some truth to what Bethan was saying, Taryn knew that but… Why did that mean suffering in silence just so some dumbasses could keep the illusion of safety? Just because it made things just a little bit easier?
Back at the tavern as the refugees were getting ready for light's out, Lorelei had Taryn lay on her back so she could inspect the damages. Taryn's knuckles were already showing signs of bruising, but it was her stomach that had Lorelei a little concerned.
After she asked for Taryn's permission, Lorelei unbuttoned Taryn's shirt and shimmed her waistband down slightly. Her abdomen was an angry red from Ulrich's blow.
"Okay, how's this?" Lorelei gently pressed the tips of her fingers against Taryn's stomach.
It hurt, but Taryn didn't think the pain she felt was quite what they were looking for. This pain seemed more surface-level as opposed to internal. "Not bad," murmured Taryn.
"And this?" Lorelei pressed down a little harder.
"Same. More or less."
"I think you should be okay. Just be mindful for the next few days."
Taryn buttoned up her shirt, murmuring thanks as Lorelei stood up. In the corner of her eye, she could see the older adults talking amongst themselves. Plans for tomorrow perhaps…
Sighing through her nose, Taryn brought up her left palm and thumbed the scar at the base of her fingers. She had to wonder whether or not Bethan was thinking of the incident where Taryn got the injury that resulted in the scar.
She was twelve with a few more months of school to get through. It was late winter, still chilly but the snow was also melting on and off. Everything was muddy and wet.
The bell signaling the end of the day was still going off. Taryn and Amelie were talking about how necessary it was for students working in family businesses to stay in school after they turned twelve. "I just think those who already have their family apprenticeships shouldn't have to bother with the last year of school," said Amelie. "We can read and write just fine, and our arithmetic is probably better than most of our classmates."
"Mom said at least part of it is to socialize with people our own age."
"Yeah, but most people our age suck."
Before Taryn could say anything else a sudden shout and jeers stole her attention. The girls looked to find a crowd made up of their classmates and a group of younger students gathered around, watching a couple of boys shove each other to the ground. "Case and point," Amelie deadpanned.
Taryn scrutinized the crowd, trying to see who was in the center of the circle they had formed. After a moment, she had made out Braum, the class snot, shoving another boy to the ground. With the other boy down, Braum grabbed his bag and dumped out its contents. It took Taryn just a little longer for Taryn to finally recognize Braum's victim, Horst.
"Shit!" Taryn hissed, making her way to the crowd.
She knew Horst was Braum's favorite target. Twelve years old, and with six years of school under his belt Horst still had a difficult time reading. And Braum shit that he was, loved to torment Horst with this fact.
As far as Taryn understood it, Horst did try to explain to his parents and teachers what was going on. But they didn't quite have a full answer to why he couldn't read like everyone else. At least part of it was because Horst had a hard time describing it. The most he ever got was that the letters he saw were the same letters everyone else saw.
And Mr. Schulte, the teacher of classroom six, called upon Horst to read out loud when he knew the boy struggled. As far as Braum was concerned, that was an open invitation to give Horst hell.
Approaching the crowds, Taryn pushed her way to the center of the circle. She arrived just in time to see Braum grab Horst by the back of his shirt and throw him back to the ground. "Hey!" Taryn said loud enough to silence the jeering from her classmates. They almost parted ways for her, giving Horst and Braum a clear view of her. "Cut it out!" She pointed at Horst's discarded things. "Pick those up!"
Braum scoffed. "Or what?"
"Cut it out. Pick them up."
"Or what?" Braum repeated. "Come on! This dumbass really should be in the younger class. Or maybe they should just save everyone the time and ship him off to the Underground now. What do we need a blight on society taking up space for?"
Taryn placed her school bag at her feet and then took a step forward. "Apologize to Horst."
"Why should I? I'm right." By now, Braum had taken one of Horst's school books. He opened it to a random page and held it out in front of Horst's face. "C'mon, what does this say?"
Horst's gaze bounced between the pages in front of him and his own hands. His mouth tried to form words, but they came out in uh's and um's.
Braum laughed at Hort's discomfort, causing Taryn's hands to ball up so tight her nails were hurting her palms. She placed herself between Braum and Horst, then smacked the book out of Braum's hand. "Apologize!"
"Why don't you mind your own business?!"
Braum shoved her hard enough that Taryn stumbled back so fast her feet ran out from under her. She fell onto the cobblestone on her side. After she caught her breath, Taryn slowly rolled onto her hands and knees. She kept her head down as Braum and a group of his friends laughed.
Taryn stood up, keeping her head down, her eyes hidden by her bangs. "What?" Braum asked her mockingly. "You gonna cry?"
Before he could register the look of rage on Taryn's face, she had already hurled herself at him. Tackling Braum, the two slid across the stone. As soon as they came to a stop, Taryn's fists came down upon Braum's nose. The boy stared shrieking like a girl and tried to use his arms to shield his face while Taryn brought her fists down one after another.
By now, even some of the youngest students gathered around to see what was going on. Boys fighting after school was not an unusual occurrence. But how often did one hear about a girl getting into a fight with a boy? And win, from the looks of it.
Unknown to Taryn, her knuckles were beginning to bruise. But she was aware of the blood seeping out of his right nostril. With the blood rushing in her ears, she missed the whispers around her hinting that someone was coming.
"Taryn Ende!"
A hand grabbed Taryn by the wrist, snapping her out of it. She looked up to see Mr. Schulte, a curmudgeon of a man. Dull as a person, and dull as a teacher with favoritism for the boys in class. Taryn remembered thinking how much of a letdown he was after moving up from the fifth class after Mr. Arlert. With a bushy brown and a receding hairline, Mr. Schulte looked much older than Taryn's parents despite being around the same age.
"Come with me," he ordered, pulling Taryn to her feet.
Mr. Schulte dragged Taryn back into the schoolhouse by the wrist and down the hall to his classroom. Several rows of long tables and benches lined the room in front of a desk and blackboard where Mr. Schulte usually was during class.
It wasn't until they reached his desk that Mr. Schulte finally released Taryn's hand. He took his seat at his desk and steepled his fingers. "Now," he began, "give me one good reason why I shouldn't send you home with a letter to your parents."
"Braum started it," Taryn said firmly. "He was physically bullying Horst and wouldn't stop until I stepped in. He shoved me first."
"Even if Braum was giving Horst a hard time, you should have come to me first."
"Horst has been coming to you all year!" Taryn argued, recalling the afternoons Horst stayed behind to speak to Mr. Schulte. "And you're still letting Braum bully him! You even gave him more ammunition today by calling on Horst to read out loud!"
"Horst's reading ability isn't going to get better if he doesn't apply himself. But that doesn't mean you should use violence, Taryn."
"I already told you, Braum was the one who got violent first! It's not even Horst he's gotten violent with. You know this and you're still giving him a pass!"
She could see Mr. Schulte getting irritated with her. "You're a lady, Taryn, there are other ways to handle things."
Oh, for the love of…
"Well, maybe I wouldn't have had to use violence if you got off your sorry fat ass and did your fucking job for a change!"
Taryn knew she had done it well before she finished speaking. The look Mr. Schulte gave her tried to will her to spontaneously combust.
Mr. Schulte stood up, and Taryn heard him opening a drawer. He took out a thin rod.
Without warning, Mr. Schulte reached across his desk and grabbed Taryn by the left arm. He yanked her toward him so firmly she flew off her feet. With one hand, he laid Taryn's arm down, palm up, and kept it in place with such a grip Taryn would later find he left a bruise in the shape of his hand.
In his other hand, Mr. Schulte lifted the rod and brought it down so fast Taryn could hear it whip through the air. She flinched when the rod struck her palm, but she didn't allow herself to cry out. But Taryn didn't realize Mr. Schulte had more than one strike in mind until she heard the rod whip the air again. After the second strike, Taryn tried to pull her arm out of Mr. Schulte's grasp.
At the time, Taryn wasn't unconvinced that he had broken a bone in her hand. The skin around her palm was a furious shade of red, and Taryn wasn't sure if she could feel her first two fingers. At least it wasn't her right hand.
Taryn was still trying to pull her hand out of Mr. Schulte's grasp, sweat dripping down her brow so profusely that she wasn't fully aware she had tears in her eyes.
She only cried out after the third strike, when he had finally broken the skin.
Taryn successfully yanked her hand back and cradled it close to her chest, ignoring whether or not her own blood was going to stain her shirt. She tossed Mr. Schulte the most hateful glance she could manage before Taryn whipped around and headed straight for the door.
She threw it open vaguely aware of Horst, Amelie, and a small gaggle of students were outside the room listening in. Squeezing her eyes shut, Taryn allowed a few tears to slip out. She ran back to the bakery, forgetting her school bag.
The bakery closed shortly after Taryn arrived home. Within the hour, Bethan and Horst's parents stopped by the schoolhouse to have a heated discussion with the schoolmaster, Mr. Schulte, and Braum's parents. In the meanwhile, Garit took Taryn to see Dr. Jaeger to have her hand stitched up.
In the end, Taryn was grounded for getting into a fight. But the silver lining was that Braum never messed with Horst so long as Taryn was nearby.
Authors Note: So, we're going to have a few notes on worldbuilding
It's been mentioned before that working-class children start apprenticeships at twelve and work by fifteen. Apprenticeships are considered "higher education" so by twelve the child is done with mandatory schooling, from age six to twelve (generally). When they say 'sixth class,' it's essentially the equivalent of being in sixth grade in the American school system. The school year, however, is similar to the Japanese school year. The flashback took place in late winter/early spring so Taryn and Amelie were almost done with their last year of school.
The idea with Horst is that he's dyslexic but grew up in an environment ill-equipped to help him.