AN: I'll make this quick since nobody really reads these author's notes anyway. You know who you are...Robert! And you too Kevin and Peter!

I'm really hoping one of you is named Robert, Kevin, or Peter just to make you feel paranoid. They're common names.

Congrats to Laner for guessing last week's riddle correctly. The answer was you can't take pictures with a wooden leg. Enjoy your cookie and your acknowledgment.

(::)

No riddle this week...not because I can't think of one! So don't think I don't have one because I do! I just...don't feel like sharing it.

(9_9)

Disclaimer: I don't own Minecraft. If I did, I'd probably be rich.

Beta: Myself this time.

Chapter 45

Dover Plains

[Noman]

Alright, so, apparently I was mistaken in thinking that ignoring my problems would make them go away faster.

"Nowhere!"

Or maybe it was just the determination of the blond Scout following me across miles and miles worth of plains.

"Where'd you go—And don't say you're nowhere because that'd be clever!"

But, I was nothing if not flexible…in the finding alternative solutions way as opposed to the performing perfect splits sort of way.

Which is why, instead of ignoring my problems, I was hiding from them in the largest cluster of tall grass available.

"C'mon! I just need you to say, 'Thanks Marble, for breaking me from that prison,' and then we can call it a day!" Marble called out as he resumed his search. "It's purely for the badge requirement!"

I wished it was just that, then it would have been a simple matter of revealing myself and complying with his wishes. But there was more to it.

"Also, I kind of want to know the deal with that Diamond Chestplate!" He called out. "I mean, that old lady did a lot of damage with it. I'd really want to check it out!"

He saw the devastating power wrought by the Severe Shield and wanted a closer look. A look I wasn't willing to give him.

"Don't make me earn my Start a Wildfire Badge just to smoke you out." He called out threateningly before adopting a contemplative look. "Then again…I do need that badge—"

"Wait, wait!" I raised my hands up and slowly left my cover. "Just…don't burn anything, okay?"

"That's more like it." He called out happily before marching over to me and holding a hand up to his ear. "Now say the words…"

I frowned and let out a begrudging sigh. "Marble, even though you excessively burned a building...thanks for breaking me out of prison."

"Hoo-Yah!" He cheered while pumping his fists. "Another badge bites the dust!" He withdrew that book of his and crossed off something, which, upon closer inspection, was a list of badges. Some were already crossed out, but there were still a few he looked to be missing.

The Distract Someone with an Interpretive Dance Badge.

The Race Against Lime Badge.

The Tackle the Bad-Guy Badge.

The Leatherwork Badge.

The Murder Someone in their Sleep Badge.

The Assisting the Elderly Badge.

And those were just the ones on that particular page. Out of how many pages?

Some of them seemed out of place, but I was too busy shivering at the Murder Someone in their Sleep Badge.

"Now that that's done," he turned to me with an interested expression, "About that chestpl—"

"Badges!" I blurted out quickly.

"…"

"…Uh…there are an awful lot of badges in that book of yours…why is that?" It wasn't the best segue way, but I needed something to distract him from the Severe Shield. And, since all I knew about him was his inexplicable love of badges, it seemed like a good start.

Marble seemed to be in a daze as he looked at me, though. "Are…are you asking me to explain the origins of the badges as well as give an in-depth introduction of the Scouts?"

"Uh…well—"

"Because doing so would fulfill my Explain the Scouts' Introduction Badge!" His eyes were already sparkling with eagerness and he was hopping up and down. He was like a puppy with a treat dangled before its eyes.

"Well…"

Anything to keep him from asking about the chestplate.

I put on a forced smile. "I don't see why not."

He squealed in happiness and leapt for joy, before forcing himself to calm down. "Alright then…

"Five hundred years ago, when Minecraftia was still fresh and new, a Crafter by the name of Landon_Noir had a vision. A vision foretelling a set of missions that could be completed."

At the word 'mission' I remembered I still had a job to do: get to Dover Plains to find the Voda Shlem. Having wasted enough time dawdling, I continued towards the direction of the Kingdom. Marble continued telling the story, walking beside me as he did so.

"Some of these missions included making a crafting table, killing a skeleton from fifty meters away, removing iron from a furnace, deal nine hearts of damage in a single hit. Trivial stuff like that." Marble looked up as he adopted a wondrous expression. "It must have been so much easier getting badges back then."

I didn't quite get what he meant, but nodded all the same.

"Anyway," he continued, shaking his blond hair. "Landon found other Crafters who shared his vision about fulfilling missions and decided to work together with them to complete them all. This group would become known as the Scouts.

"And boy, the first Scouts did a lot! I even heard they completed a mission involving slaying a dragon! Isn't that just the coolest?"

"A…dragon?" Was this just more of the Scout's craziness shining through, or was it just a tall tale? After all, what kind of world had dragons in it?

"Yeah, those Scouts did it all." Marble smiled to himself. "However, after finishing all those missions, they realized that they had nothing more to accomplish! Their life's work was over. Landon was so devastated that he attempted suicide over eighty times."

How many!?

"But on his eighty-third attempt, he found the inspiration to make up his own missions. Ones that were far more convoluted than the initial few. Missions that he was sure would give his Scouts a reason to go on! And to keep track of which missions were completed or not, he developed the badge system.

"Completing a requirement would earn you a badge. And whoever had the most badges within a five year span would become the Official Scout Master for the next five years, complete with the privilege of thinking up new missions for Scouts to accomplish and adding to the badge pile.

"That's what I want." Marble rested his hands on his hips in a confident pose. "Once I become Scout Master, I'll add so many cool new badges. Like the Slay a Lieutenant of the Endward Cult Badge or maybe the Do the Hokey Pokey while under the Influence of Pufferfish Badge. Yes…that is my dream."

I had to cough to disguise my snicker at that last badge. "So, you've never gotten the most badges in five years before?"

He shook his head. "I didn't get the most, buuuut," he withdrew that odd sword from his belt, "I did place second ten years ago. My consolation prize was this Longsword, directly from Exter. Not only does it have infinite durability, but it also has this cool trick that lets me careen forward at breakneck speed!"

Just to prove his point, he got into that weird stance again, sword held at the ready, before moving so fast it looked like teleportation. The tall grass in his path was quickly mowed down.

"The sword has that ability?" I looked at the sword with more scrutiny. "What's the recipe for it?"

"Only the Maker knows, and he hasn't shared that knowledge with anyone." Marble returned the sword to his belt, making sure it was secured. "Cleavers, Cutlasses, Daggers, Scythes, Rapiers. The Maker makes them all, but only gives them to those he deems worthy…or those with enough emeralds." Suddenly, Marble's eyes lit up. "Speaking of unique weapons, think you can show me that chestplate now?"

"I…uh…can't, because…because…"

Come on, Noman! You may not be the best liar, but surely you can come up with something to satisfy his curiosity!

"It's…dirty."

…

"The chestplate is dirty and I don't want to show you something that is dirty." I explained stiffly. It wasn't a lie; the chestplate had accumulated some dirt after making contact with so many weapons and dooming those cellmates that challenged Nana Widow…

…

For some reason I felt a huge wave of guilt.

"Well, then I'll just clean it up for you." Marble was already reaching for the Severe Shield and I had to slap his hand away.

"No! The dirt will muddy your eyes if you look at it!"

"It's just a bit of dirt." He urged as he slipped a hand into my backpack, fishing around for the smooth diamond surface.

"Stop! It's not—"

However, he quickly tore the chestplate from my pack and held it aside before rubbing off the dirt with a bit of his sleeve. Soon, though, his eyes narrowed upon reading the item's name. "Severe Shield? That's an odd name for a chestplate…and how come it doesn't have any Enchantments tacked on?"

He turned the Severe Shield over in his hands, looking for any sign of Enchantments. Meanwhile, I was panicking, trying to grab the chestplate without him noticing.

After several failed swipes, I tried something different. "There's nothing special about it! Really! Surely nothing that has to do with several more legendary artifacts of unsurpassed power! Ha…Ha…"

I slapped a hand to my mouth. Bah! I'm terrible at lying! I internally chastised while shooting a nervous glance at Marble.

"Unsurpassed power?" He questioned aloud, shattering my hopes that he perhaps hadn't heard me. He adopted a wondrous expression as he gazed upon the chestplate's diamond surface. His own reflection looked back at him with that same face. "So…with this…I can be the most powerful Scout in Minecraftia!" he hefted the chestplate to the sky and began to laugh evilly. "All will bow before my might! I will ravage villages, plunder Kingdoms, and cut in line at the food courts without feeling an iota of guilt! MWAHAHAHAHA!"

I took a fearful step back, not knowing whether or not he'd lash out at me during his monologue. If only I was a better liar—

"Or I would do that," the maniacal look vanished from Marble's face as soon as it appeared, "IF there was a badge involved. Sadly, there is no Attain a Super-Powered Artifact of Mass Destruction and Use It for Shits and Giggles Badge." He tossed the chestplate back to me without a second glance.

"Huh?" I couldn't catch the artifact because I had my hands covering my ears at Marble's profanity. But after the air was clear of any dirty words, I picked up the chestplate, all while looking at the uninterested Scout. "You…really don't care?"

"The only things the Scouts and I care about are badges. Right, guys?" He turned around as if expecting someone there, but only saw nothing. "…Scouts?"

He jerked his head back and forth as he scanned the empty plains. Only the dry grass was there to greet him.

"GAH!" He shouted in anguish before falling to his knees. "They ditched me! I can't believe it!"

Was he so caught up in obtaining his badge that he had only just realized that he had been following me by himself?

"Those traitors…I bet they wanted the Ditch a Fellow Scout Badge! Well when I see them again, they're ALL getting the You're a Traitorous Cactus Prick Badge!"

"Um…forgive me if I'm wrong, but…since you followed me without alerting them…doesn't that make you the ditcher?"

"That's apples and oranges!" He protested before mulling to himself. "I suppose the closest Scout Den is in Dover Plains…"

While he was busy doing that, I decided to continue moving to Dover Plains. I wasn't abandoning him, per se. It was just that my reservoir of patience had sprung a leak; one that would only widen if I were to continue humoring Marble's insane badge problems.

It was no wonder those cellmates groaned at the Scouts' assistance.

"Hey, Nowhere! Wait up!"

"What's the purpose of your visit?"

Facing the toll gates of Dover Plains, I was briefly reminded of Ringwood. Back then, I had Spark for back-up. So silent and sane.

"Nowhere, are you ignoring me? Nowhere? Nowhere? Nowhere!"

And now my back-up was an obnoxious Scout, following me for no other reason but to get to a guild base stationed in Dover Plains. From there he said he'd be able to track down where his group was heading. Plus, he could earn a few badges within the Kingdom.

The toll gates were easy enough to get past, though I had to keep up my lie, claiming my number was 999,999,999 since it was both on my citizenship information AND one of Notch's orders that I keep my true number a secret.

It cost me an emerald since I wasn't a Kingdom's Captain on any official business, but I was able to get an Entry Pass. MarbleFinder already had one, much to my displeasure, and was able to continue following me.

As for the Kingdom itself…it was rather empty.

There were short cobblestone walls marking its edge, but the inside of the Kingdom was as flat as the plains. Probably where the name came from.

It was—how to put it—If I had to sum it up in one word: Farmland.

Literally, nothing but farmland stretched further than my eye could see. Rows of potatoes and carrots. Bushels of wheat piled into hay bales. Cows grazing in herds and watched by Crafters on horseback. Other Crafters dressed in leather armor, working the fields with hoes and a white powdery substance in hand.

And that was all in only one fenced area. One in which I couldn't spot where the fence ended!

A few winding gravel paths cut through the fenced in areas, allowing Crafters to travel. However, the fences had signs expressly forbidding trespassing.

Nana Widow had explained that the Voda Shlem was used to save the Kingdom in times of drought. But it looked like the land was doing okay without it.

Surely, they wouldn't miss one little old water bringing artifact.

Though that couldn't be all it was good for. I subtly took out my book and flipped to the description about the Voda Shlem.

[Voda Shlem]

Among designing artifacts for each of the Kingdoms, the Voda Shlem was the trickiest. I knew it needed to be something tied to agriculture, seeing how it's Dover Plains' primary export. But I also had to give it combat capabilities, since, well, it wouldn't be worth much if it didn't have some cool ability.

The Voda Shlem, or Water Helmet, was the middle ground. Whosoever wears it can instantly irrigate soil in a six-meter radius. But more useful, is its combat capabilities.

The wearer will have the following properties:

-Instantly irrigate soil in a six-meter radius

-The effects of water will surround you, but you will be immune to them. They will, however, affect Crafters and incoming objects within that same six-meter radius

-Infinite Water Breathing Effect

-Depth Strider and Aqua Affinity. Swim faster and break blocks easier while in water

Appearance: A light blue-dyed leather cap with the name Voda Shlem.

Mainly for evasion purposes. Any attack made upon the wielder would slow down considerably upon making contact with the cap's radius. As if it was traveling through water.

Making this was tricky. The only signs of the cap's radius are slight water dripping particles. It would have been easier just having the artifact summon water, but wielding it as such would be far too obvious to any attacker. Making the command for it was particularly daunting.

Weakness: Attacking the wielder is like attacking someone in water, though the wielder would not be bound to any of the water's effects. It sounds silly, but it's incredibly difficult to land a hit upon the wielder.

Unless of course, one has a high level Depth Strider enchantment to counter the artifact's effects. Doing so would allow an attacker to move at a regular pace, even inside the artifact's radius. Thereby keeping things equal.

Location: Dover Plains

Evasion. That sounded like the perfect artifact for me. Anytime a hostile Crafter or Mob would try to catch me, I could just wear the Voda Shlem and keep dodging out of the way. They'd be too slow to even touch me! And if I ever came across any of the Endward Cult, I'd simply tire them out or disarm them in between evasions. No need to don that chestplate ever again.

As to where to start looking for it, I had a pretty good idea. Nana Widow mentioned that there was a myth, in which the Voda Shlem was owned by the first King of Dover Plains. So it stood to reason that the Kingdom's palace, or fortress, or citadel, or castle, or wherever royalty lived would be the best place to start.

"Hey, Marble?" If the Scout was going to stick with me anyway, best to ask him about the Kingdom. "You've been here before. Do you know where the Kingdom's royalty lives?"

"In the ground."

"Thanks, I appre—wha?" I wondered if I misheard him.

"Yeah. The Kings of this place? They all sort of…died out. It all started with one King in particular." He explained nonchalantly. "A while ago. Guy was a tyrant that wasted half the Kingdom's treasury on alcohol and women. Y'know, the things all guys wish they had the money for. Anyway, when he was discovered, an angry mob stormed the palace, dragged him out, and publicly executed him." Marble frowned to himself with folder arms. "Wish I could've been there. I would've easily gotten my Execute a Public Figure Badge and been thanked for it!"

My mouth hung open in surprise. What kind of King wasted his Kingdom's treasury on trivial things like that. And I didn't know what type of guy Marble thought I was, but I'd never waste emeralds on anything like that.

"Didn't that King have any heirs? Anyone to pass on artifa—I mean, take control of the Kingdom?"

Marble snorted humorously. "You kidding? After a scandal like that? The palace was burned to the ground and whatever heirs he had took everything they could carry before fleeing the Kingdom. After that, the people decided that having a monarchy was too antiquated. Instead, they decided to govern by a council, consisting of one family member from each of the twenty-two Families." He gestured to the farmland surrounding our path. "Each Family owns a large portion of farmland and lives in a big fancy-ass mansion."

"But, wait." I held up my hands to wrap my head around Dover Plains' government. "If the farmland is privately owned, then where does the rest of the population live?"

"In the center." Marble pointed west, towards a second, much taller cobblestone wall. "The palace used to sit there, but it's basically an urban speck in a sea of farmland. In short, unless you enjoy farming, this place is dull, dull, dull."

Well, that was a problem.

If the myths were true, and the Voda Shlem once belonged to the Kingdom's royalty, passed down from heir to heir, then it would have left with the fleeing heirs. And that was only if it was among the possessions they took with them. If not, the Voda Shlem would have likely burned with the palace.

How ironic that the artifact nicknamed 'Water Helmet' would meet its end in fire.

However, if the heirs had taken the Voda Shlem, it could be…well…anywhere! Wherever they had fled to.

I couldn't stop the weary sigh from leaving my mouth. I'd need more clues if I were to come to any conclusion. I'd probably have to poke around whatever was left of the palace just to verify.

"Yo! Nowhere? You ignoring me again?"

"No, sorry, I'm just thinking." I replied hastily.

"Pfftt. Thinking? I never do that. Takes too much time."

That explains a lot.

"Anyway, it's been fun walking and talking, but I really need to get back to my group." He turned around to face the opposite way and began to jog backwards towards the Kingdom's center. "Besides, I got badges to earn!"

"Which ones?" I couldn't help but ask.

"The Run Backwards for Five Miles Badge and the Race Against Lime Badge. The former is obvious and the latter involves the sheep races. Placing a winning bet on a sheep other than a lime colored one."

"Well, that's…uh…anyway, it was nice meeting you." I offered politely, for want of anything better to say.

"Same. Hey, you ever hear about a political figure that needs to be publicly executed, could you let me know?"

"If you're in the area, sure." I nodded disarmingly, just wanting him to leave already.

"Alright! Scout Marble, AWAY~!"

And with that he was off, jogging backwards towards that central urban area.

I sighed in relief before looking around and sitting beside a fencepost. With all the prison breaking, walking, and dealing with Marble, I was pretty tired. I'd need my rest if I was going to keep looking for the artifacts.

Just a little while to rest my eyes…

…

"OI! Wake up, vagabond!"

"Huh? Whuh?" I muttered groggily as I opened my eyes. Standing before me was a guard wearing a yellow dyed leather helmet and iron armor. For a second, I panicked, thinking it was somehow one of Nana Widow's guards.

However, when I felt my Inventory still on me, I visibly relaxed.

"You can't sleep here!" The guard shouted indignantly. "Don't you know whose property that fence belongs to?"

"Um…no?" I tried to be polite about it, biting back any hostility, but I was just napping for a bit.

The guard huffed angrily while muttering about out-of-towners. "This is the property of Lord Maplefrost, one of the twenty-two representatives of this Kingdom's council! A man who doesn't take kindly to vagabonds leaning on his fence. A man who takes the security of his land incredibly serious. Get the picture now?"

"Er…"

The guard groaned before continuing. "A man who is currently hosting an auction preview for tomorrow night. Where he is to sell items and artifacts worth more than a month's worth of my salary! So if Lord Maplefrost finds out some vagabond is snoozing on his fence or even thinking about stealing the Voda Sh—"

The guard suddenly stopped his ranting, keeping his lips hung on that 'shhh' sound desperately trying to suck in the tidbit he had just let slip.

But I wouldn't let him. I stood up straighter, my eyes gleaming with interest. "The Voda Shlem? It's being auctioned tomorrow night!?"

"You…You didn't hear that!" The guard tried to threaten. "I…oh, I'm so fired."

He slapped a hand to his forehead, while my mind whirred in thought.

What were the odds? Really, what were the odds that I'd snooze right next to the farmland owned by the same person that holds the Voda Shlem?

And he was auctioning it off tomorrow night! Which meant all I had to do was buy it from him. Surely I had enough emeralds for that…unless someone else thought it more valuable.

…Oh.

Just like that, the flame of excitement had been extinguished.

There was no telling what kind of people would be at this auction. Probably those of wealth or high class. I'd have to outbid them all for the Voda Shlem.

"Well…" The guard muttered to himself as if trying to reason his mistake. "After the preview, the whole Kingdom will be abuzz about the Voda Shlem so I guess it doesn't matter if a random vagabond—"

"How do I get an invite to the auction and where is it being held?" I hastily asked the guard who just held his hands up placatingly.

"Easy there, blue-eyes. For your information, it's being held in Lord Maplefrost's mansion, tomorrow at dusk. But security will keep anything dingy-looking from entering. Not that you could even get past the front gate without being part of one of the twenty-two families."

He said that with so much condescension that I couldn't help but worry. I wasn't a member of the twenty-two families, but I had to get inside.

The Severe Shield could carve through security—

NO! No, I couldn't think like that or I was no better than Nana Widow.

I needed something else.

Something that could get me past the front gate, unseen.

…

Maybe…

I turned to hide my smile as I walked away from the haughty guard.

Looks like Spark's Invisibility Potion would come in handy after all.

Inventory (Noman): 1 Diamond Chestplate {Severe Shield}, 1 Diamond Sword {Sharpness I}, 1 Bow {Infinity}, 1 Wooden Pickaxe, 1 Wooden Axe, 1 Crafting Table, 2 Oak Wood Planks, 1 Book {Notch Mission II}, 1 Book {Artifact List}, 1 Book {Citizenship Information}, 1 Paper {Entry Pass}, 1 Paper {Dover Plains Entry Pass}, 1 Map {Dover Plains}, 1 Arrow, 1 Glass Bottle, 1 Potion of Invisibility {8:00}, 38 Steaks, 9 Enchanted Golden Apples, 64 Emeralds, 21 Emeralds, 2 Bones, 12 Rotten Flesh

[EXP: 0]

AN: Well, Noman's after the Voda Shlem. Hopefully he can get into the auction without incident, obtain the artifact, and make his escape without anything happening whatsoever.

...

Anyway, this chapter talked about Dover Plains, the Scouts, the Voda Shlem's powers. Mostly set-up for next chapter.

Also the Omake below is part two of the Fifty Shades of Chicken Omake. The idea was just too funny to pass up.

But anyway, leave a fav to get your Leave a Fav Badge. Or better yet, leave a Follow to get your Leave a Follow Badge!

Omake: Fifty Shades of Chicken (II)

"Sorry about yesterday. Henifer never really moved on after I broke things off." Bryan admitted sheepishly while sitting with his fiancé at a restaurant. "As a matter of fact, she still hasn't returned the Respiration helmet I left at her place."

"Bock Bock."

"You're right. Now's not the best time to ask. What with you and her…conceiving a chick together."

It was embarrassing, to say the least, even though the two had instantly forgotten their animosities towards each other to coo over the newborn chick. Bryan still had to call the cops to cart Henifer away. The court case to decide whether or not a restraining order would be needed would be in a few weeks.

But now, he was enjoying a lovely dinner with his fiancé. She had even agreed to pay.

God, he loved her.

"You didn't have to pick the most expensive restaurant, you know. Not that I'm ungrateful." He handed his menu to a waitress who was staring at Henrietta with a mixture of curiosity and confusion. Bryan made sure not to order any cooked chicken from the menu. "It's just that I feel guilty making you pay for all this."

"Bock Bock Bock?" Henrietta replied slyly.

"Whoa! Not that sorry." He chuckled nervously at his fiancé's boldness. "But I'll make it up to you somehow. I promise."

Speaking of promises, he had to work on those vows for when they got married. Also, he'd probably have to read up on how to properly marry someone. There was the sickness and health thing…and…well, the 'I do' is all that really mattered anyway.

While they waited for their food, Bryan admired his future wife in all her beauty.

Her cute, beady eyes.

The way the breeze made her waddle sway ever so slightly.

Her pristine, snow white feathers…

…

Wait a second!

"You're not my fiancé! Henrietta has Eggshell white feathers! " He slammed his hands on the table, his seat falling with a clatter. "Who are you and what have you done with her!?"

At his exclamation, the chicken sitting across from him jumped onto the table, grinning maniacally. "Bock Bock…BOCK BOCK!"

Bryan gasped and took a step back as if he was slapped. "Henifer!? My ex-girlfriend!? What a shocking turn of events!"

"Bock Bock Bock." Henifer replied mockingly

"I can't believe I was fooled by something so obvious! How'd you even get out of jail?"

"Bock."

"Oh, right. I forgot all about that." Bryan admitted before snapping back to the more pressing question. "But what have you done with my beloved Henrietta!?"

"Bock Bock." Henifer sing-songed as she waddled back and forth along the table. "Bock Bock Bock."

"What do you mean; I don't have time to waste?"

"Bock Bock." She adopted a vicious smile. "Bock."

"What do you mean; My wife's goose is about to be cooked?"

"Bock Bock Bock!"

"What do you mean; You kidnapped my wife, emptied her bank accounts, and took her to a Chicken Factory to be cooked and served with a side of baked potatoes?"

"…Bock." She replied flatly.

Bryan gasped. "You monster! What will the chick think when she hears you've been attempting to murder one of her parents!? Henrietta, my love! I'm coming to save you!"

And with that, Bryan rushed out to rescue his fiancé from his evil ex-girlfriend's insane plot.

"Um…" The waitress held up their orders, looking between the vacated seat and the chicken clucking maniacally. "Yeah, I'm gonna need someone not a chicken to pay for these."

AN: At least Henifer didn't try and get rid of his fiance through - *looks impishly towards the camera* - foul play? Eh? Eh?

...

I'll just go...