AN: Yeah, this chapter is late. Sorry everyone.
But it's still out. And I think I did pretty good on this. Anway the reason this chapter is late is kind of a funny story. See, Wednesday night, I was working on the chapter when I think to myself - I could really use a glass of ginger ale. So I go to the freezer where I was keeping it, only to see that the bottle tipped over and was partially frozen along the side of the bottle.
I didn't think much of it.
However, I didn't take into account the accumulated pressure combined with the freezing element. In short, when I opened the bottle, the built up pressure caused the ginger ale to shoot out and nail me in the left eye.
That's right everyone. I might get a black eye...from opening a bottle of ginger ale.
I'm such a weeny.
Anyway, after going through the joyful process of washing ginger ale out of my eye I found I couldn't see very well with it, so the last thing I was gonna do was type up a chapter that night. Instead I just went to bed.
My eye still kinda stings, but it's better than it was last night. I'm never opening a bottle of ginger ale again...unless I'm in the mood for ginger ale.
So enjoy your chapter.
Puzzle: What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrecty?
Disclaimer: I don't own Minecraft. If I did, I'd add ginger ale.
Beta: Void of Shining Darkness
Chapter 46
Auction
"Ahh, Lady Veridan of the Prescott Family! Go right in, Lord Maplefrost is most eager to see you."
The woman garbed in fine leather armor nodded politely before stepping past the fence's guards towards the Maplefrost Mansion.
One of the guards let out a weary sigh. It was such a burden looking presentable to so many powerful figures. Lord Maplefrost had extended invitations to each of the Families. All had been included.
The Cohnbosch's. The Meriwether's. Even the poorly named…erm…Turdfellow's and Longbottom's were invited.
Though the guard was certain that if anyone so much as snickered at their surname, they would be quickly expunged.
As the guard noticed two more approaching guests, he stood up straighter and put on a polite smile. He gestured his arm to the entrance. "Ahh, Lord Remington and Lady Treble. Such an honor to—" However, the guard suddenly stopped when he felt something brush past his extended arm, even when he couldn't see anything there. "The fuck?"
"It's such an honor to fuck?" The guard paled at Lord Remington's affronted tone. "I do hope you'll keep that attitude in your pants while my wife is present."
"Y-yes, Lord Remington. I am terribly sorry for my slip-up." The guard bowed low to the Lord and his wife, completely forgetting the invisible presence he felt brush past him, straight towards the mansion.
[Maplefrost Mansion]
Why does everyone feel the need to curse? Noman internally questioned as he entered the mansion, completely concealed by Spark's Potion of Invisibility. Even though he foolishly bumped into the guard at the front gate, he seemed to have slipped in without alarming anyone.
Next he'd need to find a secluded spot to reappear in. Perhaps a bathroom or storage closet.
Despite his bumbling, he did in fact have a plan. A plan he spent all of yesterday working out.
First, he had studied the guests entering to ascertain proper wardrobe: Dyed leather armor of white, blue, green, or purple. Since he had blue eyes, he figured blue dyed leather armor would match the best. A quick purchase later and he looked the part.
Then he had downed the Invisibility Potion, intending to bypass the guards and slip inside. Nobody would notice an extra guest amongst the crowd.
He planned to lay low and keep the attention off of him until the Voda Shlem was ready to be bid upon. Hopefully, the emeralds Notch left him would be enough to outbid the competition.
And if not…
Er…
He hadn't thought that far ahead. He'd just have to hope for the best. Stay optimistic and all that.
He quickly slipped into the bathroom designated for men and made a quick check to see if anyone was around. He didn't have any buckets of milk to nullify the potion so he had to wait until the eight minutes were up. Hopefully without anyone entering.
*SLAM*
…Stay optimistic.
A furious man with combed hazel-hair stormed into the bathroom, closely followed by a smaller man. "How humiliating!"
"Please, Lord Turdfellow." The small man tried to calm him down. "I am sure Lord Fitzburger meant no ill will with his snicker—"
"I don't recall asking for your opinion!" The man named Lord Fitzburger snapped. "I know the truth! Those Fitzburger's think they're superior just because their Family name doesn't have the word 'turd' in it! The nerve! The cheek!"
Noman shrunk into the furthest corner of the bathroom, watching his arm as the invisibility effect ticked by.
"I can see it on everyone's faces! That look of pity at having a name like ours!" The angry man huffed as he turned on the faucet and splashed some water on his face. "Why, I have half a mind to collect my Family and leave this offensive place!"
"Then…" The smaller man seemed hesitant. "Shall I scour the mansion for your Family members?"
"I said I had half a mind to leave." Lord Turdfellow growled. "The other half of my mind is keeping me here long enough to get my hands on that artifact. I'll bring prestige to the name Turdfellow, even if I have to own this Kingdom's legendary Voda Shlem to do it."
Noman's invisible eyes widened at what he just overheard. It was as he feared; there was competition for the Voda Shlem. And from one of the twenty-two Families too.
Lord Turdfellow straightened his hair and breathed a calming sigh. "Now…shall we return to the party? I'd hate for the other Families to think their snickers were enough to rattle me."
His companion reluctantly nodded before following the man out of the bathroom. Just as Noman's invisibility finally wore off.
His eyes were glued to the bathroom entrance, fully expecting someone else to enter. However, as the seconds turned to minutes, he realized he was safe and quickly changed into his leather clothes. He wished there were some mirrors to check himself, but realized that he had no idea whether or not Minecraftia had mirrors.
So, again, he just had to hope for the best.
With that thought in mind, Noman exited the bathroom and headed towards the dining room where the auction was to take place.
It was difficult to believe that anyone would need a room the size of a barn, just for the sole purpose of dining. But that was exactly what the Maplefrost's dining room looked like.
It had several dozen wooden tables, covered with white carpet like tablecloth. Foods of all kinds were laid out on the tables, or otherwise carried around by waiters. Chandeliers of glowing stone hung from the ceiling, bathing the room in a golden glow. Statues of gold and emerald were molded into the pillars supporting the floor above. A stone podium had been arranged for the auctioneer to present the items and call out bids. The floor was made up of a pristine white blocks, almost like…marble.
Noman gave an involuntary grimace. He had reminded himself of the spontaneous Scout with his observations of the room.
God only knew what Marble was up to now.
"Hey, Nowhere. Care for an hors d'oeuvre?"
"No thanks, Marble." He turned down with a wave.
Knowing Marble, he was probably out trying to earn another badge for something or another. He couldn't be worrying about him if he wanted to walk out with the Voda Shlem.
However, Noman was still new to auctions. He had no idea what the Voda Shlem was worth, let alone what the other Families would be willing to bid on it.
If he asked around to get an idea, there was a chance somebody would call him out as not being a member of any Families. But if he did nothing and went into the auction blind—
…
"Wait…" he turned to the waiter who had just offered him some cooked salmon. "Marble?"
The blond waiter turned around, revealing himself as Marble. "Changed your mind about the hors d'oeuvres?"
Noman was flabbergasted. "Bwuh? How…how did you even…what!?" He felt a headache coming on. "Marble, how did you get into this party!? Only members of the Twenty-two Families were invited!" He whispered to keep the other guests from noticing them.
He scoffed. "Well, duh. How else am I supposed to get the—"
"God forbid, if you say this is for the Crashing a Party Badge or…or the Make Noman Go Insane Badge, I will break your hand." Noman was shocked at the violent threat he just made. Even more so when he realized he meant it.
Marble clamped his mouth shut before clutching his dominant hand closer to his chest. "…I'm still gonna think it."
Noman's eye twitched and for one crazy moment he considered donning the Severe Shield and going on a frenzy. Thankfully, Marble was able to bring him out of his crazy thoughts. "I'm kidding! Relax. I actually have a genuine reason for being here. It's a funny story actually."
"Try me."
"Well you see, after I went to the Sheep races and bet against the Lime runner—and won a killing mind you—a fellow gambler complimented my eye for picking winning sheep, and asked me for advice on the other races. So, I told him which ones I felt were best to win for the biggest payout and watched as he won race after race.
"Turns out, the guy was Lord Maplefrost, Head of the Maplefrost Family. And he was so overjoyed at his winnings that he invited me to his party to serve as a waiter. Cool, right?"
Noman raised an eyebrow. "I still don't get why you agreed to being a waiter—you needed the Be A Waiter Badge didn't you?"
"Yup, yup!" He proudly held up his book of badges and crossed one out. "Though for the record, the badge is called I Can't Wait to be a Waiter Badge. Now, how about one of these hors d'oeuvres?"
"I…ugh…sure." Noman wordlessly accepted some salmon, deciding it was the path of least resistance, and nibbled on it while surveying the rest of the dining room. Marble aside, he'd still get that Voda Shlem.
He had to.
"So what are you doing here anyway? Are you a member of a Family?"
Noman paled at Marble's question. Why is it that the Scout only showed observance when it was against Noman? He was oblivious the rest of the time!
Still, telling him probably wouldn't do any harm. He had no interest in the artifacts after all.
"Alright, please keep this a secret." Noman whispered to the Scout while making sure no one was eavesdropping. "I'm not a Family member. I snuck in for a chance to bid on the Voda Shlem artifact."
Marble tapped his lower lip in thought. "The Voda Shlem…oh, yeah! That thing is all anyone can talk about. It was previewed just yesterday."
Noman nodded in agreement. "It's very important that I outbid everyone else. Do you think around…say…sixty-four emeralds will be enough? Or do you think more will be needed?"
"Definitely more." Someone tried to walk up to Marble to request a piece of salmon, but the blond Scout simply ignored them before scarfing one for himself. "The Voda Shlem hasn't been in Dover Plains for a long time. Chances are a bunch of the Families will bid for it just for its ties to this Kingdom's history. Assuming, of course, the thing actually works and the Voda Shlem isn't just a fairy tale."
That sounded problematic. There was no telling how much money the Families would spend just to own the artifact. It made Noman wonder why Maplefrost was even thinking about selling it.
"Sooo…" Marble trailed off as he teetered on his foot. "Who are you trying to secure the Voda Shlem for?"
"What?"
"Well, you can't be doing this for no reason, right?" Again, another party guest walked up to Marble for some salmon, but was denied by the Scout's obliviousness. "You gotta be trying to secure it for someone else, right? For a ton of emeralds?"
"No. I'm securing it for myself."
Marble's eyes widened before he pressed a finger to his lower lip. "Hmm. Are you perhaps out for revenge and planning to use the Voda Shlem's supposed power to—"
"No. No revenge, just—" He paused as if considering his reasoning. He was intending to use the artifact in his fight against the Endward Cult, but that wasn't exactly revenge. Unless it counted as Notch's revenge.
"Well, there isn't a badge for it." Marble huffed in annoyance. "It's either money, revenge, or badges. That's the motivation for all the other guilds."
Noman frowned at those words. "Is it so hard to believe that I'm doing this to save the world from the Endward Cult?"
Marble's eyes widened. "Saving the world...What, like a hero?"
"Erm…yeah. Exactly right. Like a hero."
Marble looked puzzled at something. "But…didn't all the heroes die out?"
Die out?
"Hmmm." The blond began flipping through his badge book. "I think I remember seeing a Save the World Badge…near the back, maybe?"
"Wait, Marble," Noman gripped his shoulder, "What do you mean all the heroes died out?"
Marble just shrugged. "Crafters just don't do it anymore. Selflessly helping others doesn't exactly pay the bills after all."
Noman was about to ask more when he noticed a group of people coming towards them. All of them looked irritated for some reason.
What did I do!?
Oh, wait…I'm with Marble.
What did Marble do!?
One of the approaching party guests cleared their throat and spoke sharply. "Excuse me."
"You're excused." Marble responded without missing a beat.
The same party guest scowled deeply. "Pardon me?"
"Well, I'm a waiter and not a top political figure," Marble contemplated with genuine thought, "But I suppose I can pardon you too."
The party guest grit her teeth in further annoyance. "Well aren't you the clever one?"
"Thanks. I try."
He's got to be doing that on purpose. Noman reasoned as steam practically poured from the angered party guest's ears.
"You are a waiter!" The party guest finally got out. "Which means you must pass out hors d'oeuvres to the guests. Not striking up conversations with them."
"Well, I just offered my friend some salmon." Marble explained. "Plus, I haven't noticed anyone approaching me for salmon."
A vein seemed to pop from the party guest's forehead. Just as she opened her mouth to offer further scathing comments, her eyes zeroed in on the black haired man. "I don't believe we've met. Which Family are you from?"
Oh, hamburgers!
Hanging around Marble is about to break my cover!
"Um…which Family am I from?" He repeated to buy some time. Regaining some composure he switched to the same haughty tone that front gate guard used. "Well, I should think it's obvious which family I'm from." Noman stretched out his words, hoping to bait the guests into answering for him.
"Mmmm…No, I can't recall your face."
"Must be a lesser Family."
"Boy, I hope this guy tells us about which Family he's from. Otherwise, we might all grow suspicious of him and threaten to burn him alive. I just felt the need to say that out loud so that we're all on the same page."
Murmured assents came from all the guests.
Double hamburgers!
"Well, erm, I'm from the famous…Uhh…"
Oh, God. He hated being under pressure. Why couldn't Marble do something crazy to divert their attention!?
"The Uhh Family?" One of them questioned.
"Wait…no, no, that's not what I meant."
"Well, I should hope not." One of them huffed. "I've been in the Uhh Family all my life and I don't recall your face at all."
Noman blinked in shock. Uhh was an actual Family name?
But that didn't matter! He needed another Family name. Something that sounded genuine, not made-up-on-the-fly, and would undoubtedly allay their suspicions.
"I'm of the…Wing…Winger Nut…Cornhaven…B-baron Humdinger…Family."
It's like his mouth was falling down the stairs.
And the silence that stretched on only confirmed his fears. Marble had actually chosen that moment to go be a waiter somewhere else.
One of the guests narrowed their eyes. "That's funny. Real funny." He took a step dangerously close to Noman. "Because I heard that the Winger-Nut-Cornhaven-Baron-Humdinger Family were vacationing in Oak Docks, and therefore couldn't come to this auction."
…
…
Roll with it!
"You are correct!" Noman pasted a smile onto his face, hoping the sheen of his cold sweat didn't show. "But…er…after hearing that the Voda Shlem was being auctioned, they…uh…asked me to appear in their place and represent their noble Family. After all, an artifact of such historical significance would make a great addition to our Family's prestige."
The guests nodded to themselves, apparently satisfied with the excuse. "Well, if you think you're going to win that artifact, you'll have to outbid…pft…Lord Pottyman."
The guests stifled their laughter as if sharing an inside joke.
"He means Lord Turdfellow." One of the guests whispered to Noman upon noticing his confusion. "That man is prepared to spend however many emeralds it takes to own that artifact. As for me, I'll save my emeralds for something better. Like that Looting Sword."
"Lord Maplefrost has a Looting Sword too!?" One of the guests asked incredulously. "Unbelievable. Where is he getting the levels for those enchantments?"
"Who knows? The amount of emeralds he's earning on a weekly basis is suspicious too." Another guest chimed in. "I'd give anything to know how he does it."
"What's Looting?" Noman asked, hoping he didn't sound like a Newb.
"Looting is a rare Enchantment that increases the amount of drops from felled Mobs." One of the guests explained. "It can even improve the chances of getting rare drops."
"With something like that, it would be so much easier obtaining potion ingredients. Why, I even heard that Maplefrost is selling off…"
The conversation continued as each of the guests talked about what they were aiming to bid for. Noman listened attentively, learning which artifacts were splitting up the competition. Apparently the Looting Sword was a big deal as well as a Silk Touch Enchantment Book.
Noman turned out to be more charming than he anticipated, easily winning over the guests that approached him. He even retold a story about being imprisoned in the cobblestone mines, playing it off as an event that happened decades ago instead of three days ago.
It wasn't long before Lord Maplefrost got to the front of the room to announce the auction was about to start. The crowd of guests quickly found their seats, leaving Noman struggling to locate an empty one.
Eventually, however, he noticed a vacant seat besides a man wearing purple leather armor. The man had dark grey hair, small grey framed glasses, and wore a black baseball cap. He looked subdued amidst the crowd.
It was as good a place to sit as any.
"Mind if I sit here?"
The man spared an emotionless glance before shrugging. Taking that as a good sign, Noman sat down and focused his attention on Lord Maplefrost.
"Greetings, honored guests!" He shouted jubilantly with arms spread out. "It is a fine occasion, seeing so many Families under the same roof. I'd be humbled if not for the fact I had to agree to sell so many items just to bring you all here."
The crowd laughed at his joke, even though it sounded pretty caustic.
"Now, without further ado, let us begin the auction." Lord Maplefrost stood aside to allow a small man to step up to the podium. "My butler Baltimore here will be acting as the auctioneer."
Baltimore cleared his throat while several guards brought up a single item: A diamond pickaxe.
"We'll start with this durable diamond pickaxe, enchanted with both Unbreaking III and Fortune II. The starting bid will be at twenty-five emeralds."
Wow. What a starting bid.
One of the guests at another table raised their hand.
"That's twenty-five." Suddenly, the butler began talking fast. Faster than fast. His mouth was going a mile a minute. "Twenty-five. Twenty-five. Do I hear thirty? Thirty?" Another guest raised their hand. "Thirty! Do I hear thirty-five, thirty-five? Going once, going twice – forty! Forty, forty, do I hear fifty? Fifty, we're up to fifty! Anyone for fifty-five? Fifty-five? Fifty-five? Going once, going twice…sold to Lord Cohnbosch for fifty emeralds!"
While the guards presented the pickaxe to Lord Cohnbosch, Noman had a glazed look in his eyes. He felt like he needed a nap after hearing all that. "I've heard of fast talkers, but that's ridiculous."
"You don't go to a lot of auctions, do you?" The grey-haired man beside him asked, resting his cheek on his arm.
"No. This is actually my first. You?
"Same." The man tilted his hat to get a better look at the surroundings. "I don't usually enjoy this type of company. But we all must make sacrifices."
"You don't enjoy this company?" Noman inquired. "I don't understand. Aren't you a Family member?"
"No." The man fixed his black eyes upon Noman. "But neither are you."
"Uh…I…I'm afraid you're mistaken. I am a proud member of the…the…the Family with the longest name."
The man just shook his head. "Those wealthy swine carry themselves with an arrogance, even amongst their own. And that is something you don't have. Makes you stick out to me at least."
Noman let out a defeated sigh. "Yeah, alright. I'm not supposed to be here. Are you going to tell the guards?"
"Maybe if I cared to share it." The man shrugged before returning his attention to the next item up for auction: A pair of Feather Falling iron boots. "Which item are you here for?"
"The Voda Shlem."
"Then I see no reason to rat you out since we're not after the same artifact." He held out a hand. "My name's Leadstripe."
"Noman." He greeted with a firm handshake.
Noman smiled at the man's reasoning and began to relax. The two idly chatted while the auction passed by. Among the other items auctioned was a chestplate with Thorns III, a Flame bow, and a Silk Touch Shovel. But none of them caught Leadstipe's attention.
But there was one thing.
"The next item up for auction is a real treat! A living thing, found swimming off the coast of the Morel Islands!" Lord Maplefrost gestured behind the podium just as a faint mechanical sound was heard. A large cage was rising up from the floor. And inside was…
What in Notch's name is that?
A huge light green blob was lying on the floor of the cage, wriggling around like an amorphous slug. One moment it was flat and the next it was compounding together to try and form something. However, every time it tried to gather itself, it stopped short and collapsed into a pile of goo.
"This little wonder," Lord Maplefrost continued through the shocked gasps of the crowd, "Is known as Slimy. Say 'hello' Slimy!"
The thing known as Slimy just let out a faint gurgle, as if it were a drowning man.
"Isn't he nice?" Maplefrost continued as if he was oblivious to that horrible sound. "We believe Slimy here is some evolved version of the Slime Mob prevalent in the swamps. Which is why we thought it best to keep him from the preview yesterday. Now, Baltimore, if you'd continue?"
"Er, yes Lord Maplefrost." Baltimore tried to avert his eyes from the amorphous creature. "We'll…er…start the bidding at…ten emeralds for Slimy. Do I hear ten? Ten?"
Not a single hand was raised. The guests were either too stunned or too horrified at Slimy to make a bid.
"Er…then…what about five emeralds?" Baltimore continued, trying to fish for bids. "Come on ladies and gentlemen, nothing like Slimy has ever been seen before. That's worth at least five…"
Still, nobody made any bids. For the first time during that auction, Baltimore was forced to end the bidding and return the Slimy to Maplefrost. He looked annoyed that nobody wanted the thing, but kept it in check long enough for the creature to be moved back below the floor.
As Noman watched the cage sink, he couldn't help but wonder what the Slimy was. Leadstripe showed the same morbid fascination with the creature, but chose not to speak of it. It remained in the back of his mind as the auction continued.
Next was the Looting Sword which earned quite a lot of attention. The bidding went as high as two-hundred emeralds, eliciting a small chuckle from Leadstripe before it was sold to Lord Rogers. The Lord eagerly accepted the enchanted diamond blade before excusing himself from the auction, most likely not wanting to stick around for the rest.
However, Noman didn't think about him too long when the next item demanded his full attention.
A light-blue dyed leather helmet was gingerly carried to the podium, where it immediately drew everyone's attention.
Noman saw Lord Turdfellow lean forward a little in his seat, a hungry look to his eyes. He really wanted that artifact.
"As I am sure you all know by now," Lord Maplefrost announced, "This artifact is the legendary Voda Shlem. Many years ago, it was owned by the royalty of this Kingdom. When the twenty-two Family council took over, the helmet vanishing into obscurity…until today that is."
He was doing a good job building up interest for the artifact. Many of the guests showed awe and intrigue gazing upon the device. Noman included.
"Now I know what you're all thinking." Lord Maplefrost continued as he paced before the artifact. "Is this Voda Shlem real when there have been so many fakes over the years? Well, if I can have some volunteers from the audience, I will gladly test its properties before you all."
Several hands immediately shot up from the audience. Everyone wanted an up-close look at the artifact and would happily use this demonstration as an excuse.
Lord Maplefrost quickly went around, picking out three random guests, before guiding them to the podium.
"So that's the artifact you're bidding on?"
The momentary shock of hearing Marble beside him was enough to tear his attention away from the Voda Shlem. "Marble! Stop scaring me like that. And…hey, where did Leadstripe go? Did you scare him off too?"
"Who's Leadstripe?" The Scout questioned as he leaned on the table. "I saw this seat empty when the Voda Shlem was brought out."
What? Does that mean Leadstripe left?
No, that couldn't be true. He said he was after an artifact, but never bid once. Leaving now wouldn't make sense. He probably went to the bathroom or to go get food.
"Observe the amazing effects of this artifact." The sound of Lord Maplefrost snapped Noman out of his thoughts regarding Leadstripe, allowing him to focus on the demonstration. The three guests Maplefrost had picked out were trying to punch him. However, they were all moving very slowly while Maplefrost was moving at a normal pace. And sitting atop his head was…
The Voda Shlem.
"As you can all see," Maplefrost continued while effortlessly dodging the slow punches of the guests, "this artifact makes evading your enemies look easy. Imagine if bandits or Griefers were to attack. Simply don this helmet and watch as their attacks slow down."
The audience clapped in amazement, Noman included. From where he sat he couldn't spot the slight water dripping particles of the Voda Shlem's radius, but the helmet was doing exactly what the book described it to do. And having such an ability in his arsenal would make subduing bad guys all the easier.
After dodging several more punches, Maplefrost pushed the three guests to the ground, where they slowly toppled. When they were all on the ground, he quickly took off the helmet, returning them to their normal movements.
"Now, Baltimore, if you'd be so kind as to start the bidding."
Baltimore walked up to the podium and cleared his throat once more. "We'll start the bidding at thirty emeralds."
Predictably, Lord Turdfellow's hand was the first to shoot up.
"That's thirty emeralds. Thirty emeralds. Do I hear thirty-five? Thirty-five?" Another hand shot up. "Thirty-five! That's Thirty-five emeralds! Do I hear forty? Forty? Forty!"
Noman had seventy-nine emeralds in his Inventory. The last of Notch's allowance. If the highest bid went past eighty, he'd be out of luck.
"Do I hear fifty? Fifty emeralds, going once," Noman's hand shot up for the first time since that auction began. "Fifty emeralds! We're up to fifty emeralds! Do I hear fifty-five? Fifty-five emeralds?"
Again, Lord Turdfellow raised his hand.
"Fifty-five! Do I hear sixty? Sixty?"
Noman raised his hand. The battle down to Turdfellow and himself.
"Sixty! Good heavens!" Baltimore was patting at his forehead, wiping off the sweat as he continued his auctioneer fast-talk. "Sixty emeralds! Do I hear sixty-five? Sixty-five?"
Turdfellow looked uncomfortable as he raised his hand again. He didn't plan on spending so much. Just a bit higher and he'd give up.
"Sixty-five! Do I hear—" Noman's hand was raised before the auctioneer could finish. "Seventy! Seventy emeralds! Do I hear seventy-five? Seventy-five?"
Turdfellow looked to be struggling internally on whether or not to continue. Noman was hoping he'd stop. If he made seventy-five, the next increment would be eighty emeralds; Too high for Noman to place a bid on. This was the moment of truth.
Turdfellow lifted his hand half-way before giving a resigned sigh and letting it fall to his side. He was frustrated, but had conceded defeat.
Yes! Noman practically cheered in his own head.
"Seventy-five? Seventy-five? The highest bid stands at seventy. Going once, going twice—"
"Two-hundred."
Noman and half the audience recoiled at the words that were spoken. Near the back of the room, a man wearing a set of red-dyed leather armor had his hand raised. He had a calculating look in his eyes, which were of different color; One black, one grey. He had black hair tied in a long ponytail and had a black mask covering the lower part of his face. His name was Ciro_Che.
"Er…" Baltimore pulled at his collar at the tense atmosphere caused by Ciro's bid. "We don't usually place a bid out of increment like that—"
"Oh, apologies." Ciro bowed low. "I just wanted to move things along. Would you prefer I stuck to sequence until we got up to the two-hundred bid? Or rather I place the highest bid prematurely and get this over with?"
At his phrasing, Baltimore glanced awkwardly around the room. "Well…I suppose…yes, two-hundred emeralds. Two-hundred emeralds is the highest bid. Do I hear two-ten?"
Noman just stared dazedly at the artifact. There was no way he could match that. That guy, Ciro, had just walked up and placed a bid that blew all the other buyers out of the water. He was probably waiting all that time until the smaller bid battles were over. Until the competition was just one man: Noman.
And Ciro had just trumped his bid.
"As of now, two-hundred emeralds is the highest bid."
I can't believe it.
"Two-hundred going once…"
After all that…
"Going twice…"
Noman screwed his eyes shut in frustration.
"Two-ten!"
Huh!?
Noman opened his eyes to see that Marble had raised his hand. "Two-ten! Do I hear two-twenty? Two-twenty?"
"Marble? You…but…how…"
"I said I made a killing in the sheep races. Enough for two-hundred fifty emeralds. I don't have my Mathematics Badge, but I'm pretty sure that beats two-hundred." Marble shot a gleaming smile. "You sure you need this to save the world?"
Noman nodded slowly, a smile beginning to form on his face.
"Then I'll get it for you, and earn my Help Save the World Badge."
"Two-twenty! Do I hear two-thirty!" Ciro had raised his hand again, shooting Marble a dirty look as he continued to place bids.
"Two- fifty!" Marble shouted to the surprised gasps of most of the guests. "What? That guy was doing it so I figured I could too. Two-fifty!"
"Er…two-fifty! The bid is at—my word—two-fifty!"
"Two sixty-five!" Ciro shouted. By now the auction had devolved into a shouting match. Noman took the opportunity to slide his seventy-nine emeralds into Marble's hands.
"Two…two…hang on! One…two…three…Ah! Two-eighty!" Marble shouted after successfully counting all the emeralds. "Top that, Ciro!"
Ciro growled lowly and narrowed his heterochromatic eyes before once more raising his hand. "Two-eighty-five."
He was slowing down! One more push to bring it home!
"Three-hundred emeralds!"
The crowd gasped further at the highest bid placed that day. Ciro's face paled as he hung his head low. He didn't have enough emeralds to beat that. And nobody else seemed willing to match Marble's bid.
So that meant…
"Three-hundred is the highest bid."
Could it really be true?
"Three-hundred going once…"
I—no—we did it!
"Three-hundred going twice…"
*SLAM*
"MURDER!"
The auctioneer's final words were drowned out by the shouting of one guest as he burst into the dining room. "Lord Rogers has been murdered! His gear was strewn across the halls! And somebody stole his Looting Sword!"
The guests shrieked in horror at that announcement, quickly panicking and rising from their seats. The guards rose up to calm them down at Lord Maplefrost's orders. Meanwhile, the Voda Shlem was taken by the guards as part of some security protocol along with all the other unsold items.
"Wait!" Noman called out as he rushed towards the podium, Marble in hand. He tried to batter aside the restless crowd, but they battered back. He had to get to that Voda Shlem! He couldn't lose it now! Not after they had finally won it in the auction!
But by the time they got there, the artifact was gone. Taken away until Lord Rogers' murderer and the Looting Sword were found.
Inventory (Noman): 1 Diamond Chestplate {Severe Shield}, 1 Diamond Sword {Sharpness I}, 1 Bow {Infinity}, 1 Wooden Pickaxe, 1 Wooden Axe, 1 Crafting Table, 2 Oak Wood Planks, 1 Book {Notch Mission II}, 1 Book {Artifact List}, 1 Book {Citizenship Information}, 1 Paper {Entry Pass}, 1 Paper {Dover Plains Entry Pass}, 1 Map {Dover Plains}, 1 Arrow, 2 Glass Bottle, 35 Steaks, 9 Enchanted Golden Apples, 1 Leather Tunic [Dyed Blue], 1 Leather Pants [Dyed Blue], 1 Leather Boots [Dyed Blue], 2 Bones, 12 Rotten Flesh
[EXP: 0]
AN: Just when it's in his reach, the Voda Shlem continues to evade him.
This chapter was fun to write...even with a ginger ale injured eye. I decided to write it entirely in third person as opposed to my first person perspectives. Sometimes I find it easier writing third-person. I'm still experimenting with my writing.
Should I still be experimenting this far into the story?
I dunno. Probably not. Still gonna, though.
I tried to make this as close to an auction as I could. Some of the items were generally valuable items in Minecraft. Usually the ones with the rarest enchantments. As for that Slimy creature thing...think of that what you will.
The Family names I got from some of the viewers actually. Yeah, I just PM-ed some of them asking for fancy names.
Prescott and Remington were from Slenderbrine. Uhh, Rogers, and Cohnbosch were from Void of Shining Darkness. And Longbottom and Turdfellow were from Toddem Mach. I may not have used all the names I got, but the ones I did, I just credited.
And Ciro_Che...he wants that Voda Shlem just as much as Noman. I wonder why. (9_9)
Anyway, see you next week. Unless my eye doesn't heal over...then again, I don't really see any of you at all.
...Omake below.
Omake: Fifty Shades of Chicken (III)
If what Henifer had told him at the restaurant was true, Bryan had to get to the Chicken Factory fast before his fiancé became an entrée.
Luckily, the Chicken Factory was located right next to the restaurant they were eating at. Freshest chicken around. Though in hindsight, Bryan probably should have questioned why his chicken fiancé would arrange to eat at a place so famous for its freshly cooked chicken. Henifer was so twisted. She probably intended to serve him his very fiancé on a silver platter!
The fiend!
"Chickpea!" Bryan burst through the Chicken Factory doors. "I've come to save you from this hellish place!"
"Uh, sir?" One of the factory's personnel stepped forward, his arms overflowing with coal. "I'm afraid you can't be here without—"
"Nothing can keep me from my love!" Bryan shouted heroically as he punched the defenseless factory worker in the face. "Now put down your weapons or face my fury!"
The rest of the factory's personnel turned to look at the violent man. They had no weapons in sight. Just fuel for furnaces and some seeds for breeding chickens.
"You've forced my hand!" Bryan shouted desperately, completely misreading the situation. "And by hand, I mean this iron axe I carry with me at all times!"
Suddenly, the factory's personnel realized the violent man was armed and crazy; a dangerous combination. They quickly dropped everything and scattered as he advanced.
"Don't worry, my little chickpea!" Bryan roared triumphantly as he swung the axe through the air, hacking apart the fleeing factory's personnel. "These men can't come between you and I!"
"My leg!"
"My arm!"
"My tummy!"
"These warriors are fearsome," Bryan admitted after kicking a cowering factory worker not even attempting to fight back, "but with the power of love, THERE IS NOTHING I CAN"T DO!"
"Help! A madman is killing us with an axe!"
"Oh, I'm mad all right!" Bryan shouted while gripping a factory worker by his shirt. "Mad…with love!"
"No! Just mad!"
"Listen, you little troll!" Bryan shook the factory worker. "Tell me where my fiancé is before I axe you more directly! Ha! Don't make me axe again! Haha! We wouldn't want any axe-idents to happen –"
"Alright, I get it!" The factory worker groaned. "Your puns are killing me more than the axe is!"
"Wait, wait! I have one more. I have an axe and you don't! Hahaha!" Bryan slapped his knee in amusement before his face once more morphed into dead seriousness. "Now, where's my fiancé?"
"Why would your fiancé be in a chicken factory?"
"Don't confuse me with your riddles! Just tell me where she is!" Bryan held the axe to the factory's worker's neck.
"A-alright, wait! W-what does she look like?"
"Well, she has Eggshell white feathers, cute beady eyes that burn with a passionate flame…and I don't mean to boast, but the way her little waddle sways ever so slightly in the breeze," Bryan shivered with arousal, "She really is too good for trash like me."
"…Are…are you saying your fiancé is a chicken?"
Bryan sent the incredulous factory worker a death glare. "You couldn't possibly understand the depths of our love! And what's so wrong with chickens anyway, hmmm!?"
"Nothing! Nothing at all!" The factory worker replied hastily. "I'm sure your fiancé is quite…erm…beautiful."
The death glare increased tenfold. "That's my future wife you're complementing! Don't even think about sweeping her off her feet!"
"Wha—No! No, no! I'm not! I already have a wife—"
"Oh, so now my future wife isn't good enough for you, hmm? Not good enough to have an affair behind your wife's back and risk your marriage!? HMMM!?"
"I…I don't…you're sending mixed signals, here…"
"Enough stalling! Tell me where my fiancé is!?"
"W-well, we keep the chickens in a pen just outside." The factory worker pointed to a set of doors on the opposite end of the factory. "Just through there and to the right."
Bryan nodded to himself, before dropping the factory worker. "Don't worry, chickpea! I'll save you from these madmen!"
And with that, Bryan rushed off to save his future wife from the dastardly villains of the Chicken Factory.
"Villains!? We're the victims here!" The factory worked shouted indignantly while carrying his wounded fellows.
The fiends!
AN: Tis a sad day when the Omake is funnier and more interesting than the Chapter.