AN: I really like this Chapter, just because of how absurd it gets. It's been in planning for a while.
Congrats to Karmia for guessing last week's riddle correctly. The answer: Four cars! (They are arranged in a square.) Enjoy your cookie and your acknowledgement.
(::)
Disclaimer: I don't own Minecraft. if I did, I'd add Dessert Biomes.
Beta: AxeHelix
Chapter 85
Wanted
[Cobb]
It was a beautiful day in Minecraftia! The sun was shining, the birds were clucking, and the puffy clouds were chugging across the azure sky.
Also, there was a giant cake.
Yeah. For some reason, I was standing atop a gigantic floating cake. Miles and miles of sugary frosting spanned in every direction and the ground had the springiness of soft, sponge cake. The clouds hovering above would occasionally send down drizzles of milk, presumably to wash down the delectable cake beneath us.
I looked on in awe at the landscape-sized dessert before me. Had I somehow stumbled upon some sort of dessert biome?
I reached down and scooped a handful of frosting and a sample of the cake. I tentatively tasted it and found it to be ten times more delicious than any cake I had ever tasted. It was heavenly and decadent, two qualities in sharp contrast with one another.
I opened my mouth wide to catch the drizzle of warm milk. It washed down the delectable dessert and cleansed my palate in preparation for another generous helping.
However, as I reached down for more, I noticed the surface getting unusually darker. I glanced up and yelped when I saw the once fluffy clouds turn stormy and grey. They spread in volume, blocking out the bright sunlight and casting the cake in an unusually red shadow.
Black bolts of lightning began to descend, the first of which struck close enough to singe my arm. Dark electricity spread atop the surface of the cake, staining the pristine frosting with mold and decay. Maggots and bugs burst forth from within, repulsing me enough to spit up the cake I had previously thought delicious.
"Okay, I get it!" I shouted up to nobody in particular. "I'm asleep! This is a nightmare! I'll never eat cake before bed again! Lesson learned! Just make it stop!"
But apparently my psyche wasn't yet satisfied with teaching me the dangers of late-night snacking.
As if emboldened by my plea to stop, the drizzles of warm milk became downpours of boiling hot blood that formed puddles atop the decaying confectionary. The maggots and bugs were swept over the sides in a massive waterfall of disgusting waste and scum. My feet sank into the moistened frosting like quicksand.
Wind started whipping across the cake like a typhoon, ripping huge tracts of the dessert and shredding them to dust. Cookies as sharp as throwing stars began to pelt from the clouds like hail, riddling the ruined ground that was my foothold and upping the level of peril.
"Geez—my mind is really messed up!"
But even then the storm of horror didn't cease. For then, the stormy clouds above parted slightly to reveal a large, shadowy silhouette. It looked down towards me with blood red eyes filled with such loathing and malevolence that I squeaked in fear.
Those red eyes narrowed dangerously before the silhouette reached up and gathered a bundle of the dark grey clouds between its hands. It compressed them tightly, channeling an insidious aura within its palms to fashion an ebony scythe with a skull around the blade so that the edge erupted from the skull's left eye socket.
"I'm not gothic or broody! I don't listen to heavy metal or punk rock either!" I exclaimed in terror, trembling at the imagery my mind was coming up with. "Seriously! Where does my mind come up with this shit!?"
The evil presence in the clouds mockingly laughed before rearing back. With scythe in hand, it was going to carve up what was left of the cake and me along with it.
When black lightning flashed across the storm clouds, I caught a glimpse of who that presence was.
And then the scythe struck.
"…Cobb… wake…"
"N-no…" I tossed and turned. "No… the… the cake is… a lie…"
"Wake up!"
I felt someone roughly shake me to my senses before I sprung up out of bed in a cold sweat. I gasped for breath and clutched my head, trembling from head to toe over the nightmare I had just seen.
Never again was I going to eat cake before bed.
I expected to see Floyd or Lenz as the one to wake me up. They were the ones sleeping in the other rooms after all. Instead, however, I was surprised to see Wynn, looking pale and anxious.
"Come on." She whispered urgently, yanking me by my arm and dragging me out of bed. The sudden force caught me by surprise and caused me to fall ungracefully into the carpet. Still, Wynn refused to give me the chance to right myself; she kept dragging me across the carpet, barely sparing me a glance. "The others are awake. We have to get you out of here."
My mind was still sleep-addled and recovering from a traumatic nightmare so there was only one thing I could mumble into the carpet I was being dragged through.
"Whazza…?"
"There's been an influx of news." Wynn cottoned on to my confusion, a testament to how well we understood one another. "Troubling news concerning you and Floyd."
Hearing that, I reached up with my other hand, grabbed Wynn's shoulder, and pulled myself up to a standing position. Wynn didn't slow down in her pace as she exited my bedroom, out into the hallway, and into the main living area of our bunker. As she said, Floyd and Lenz were already awake. They looked tired, pawing at their eyes to remove the residual traces of sleep, but they also looked alert.
Whatever Wynn had to say, it didn't look like it could wait until morning.
"What's going on?" Floyd asked while Wynn drew me towards a table. They gathered around and watched as Wynn withdrew a set of maps from her backpack.
"This." Her word was accompanied by the sound of the two maps slapping against the table for all of us to see.
They weren't maps like the kind we used to navigate. They were more like detailed photos, similar to the wanted posters we had seen.
…
Actually, they were wanted posters.
Both for Floyd and me.
"…What—"
"—the—"
"—Hell?"
Floyd, Lenz, and I all questioned in turn what we were looking at. Was this part of the same bad dream? How could we be wanted men? We… we helped people. We were heroes! There had to be some kind of mistake!
I leaned over the posters and nearly bumped my head with Lenz and Floyd. We were all scrutinizing them with a careful eye, trying to make sense of it.
The likenesses were expertly drawn. They weren't just shoddily done. Even though my face looked unflatteringly stupid, I couldn't deny the resemblance. Only someone who saw our faces would know what we looked like.
The names matched us too. King_Cobb and Flawwed_Floyd. Floyd's offered a bounty of two-hundred emeralds, claiming he was… an Endward Cult Lieutenant!? How was that possible? Floyd hated the cult. They almost killed him in Nitebane. So why would he be suspected of being a Lieutenant? It made no sense!
As for my poster, I let out a whine of distress when I saw my bounty was a thousand emeralds and that I was suspected of being an Executive.
"I don't believe this!" Floyd exclaimed as he picked up the bounty poster and glared at it. "Only two-hundred emeralds? And they write it like I'm Cobb's sidekick or something."
Irritation crossed my mind. "Are you seriously complaining about that!? Look at this!" I held up my own poster and shoved it in Floyd's face. "When have I ever looked this stupid? It's like the artist thought I was brain-dead!"
Liver: Well… Brain isn't the liveliest of—
Brain: Zip it. I'm still processing this…
"How come you're the Executive and I'm the Lieutenant?" Floyd questioned resentfully. "You're worth five times as much, too. You'd think things would be more equal—"
"You two are cultists!?" Lenz shouted with a deep look of betrayal. "After all this time!? I commend your patience for playing the long game, but still—!"
"We're not cultists." I assured Lenz with a wave of my arm before the gravity of the situation finally dawned on me. "Wait! We're not cultists!" I panicked, looking from Floyd—who was also beginning to grasp the severity of the situation—to Wynn who…
My eyes widened fearfully as I turned towards the Captain and waved my arms. "C-Captain, please! You got to believe us, we're not cultists! These posters are lying! We would never—!"
"I know they're false." Wynn cut in, causing me to go quiet. "I've known you long enough to tell you're not a cultist, Executive or otherwise. It would also be counterproductive for you, since you saved my life in Halstatt and thwarted the cult's Creepers here." She turned her gaze towards the blue-nette who stiffened. "While I can't say I know Floyd well enough… he is your friend and I'll trust your judgment if you claim he's innocent."
"He is!" I shouted instantly. "He fought a Lieutenant in Nitebane! He's killed cultists before! He fought against 4Blite! Cara and Soul can attest to that! He's blameless!"
"Then both of these posters are false." Wynn glared at the offending posters with disdain. "Lies and baseless slander, distributed to the Kingdoms on the pretense of upholding justice." She snarled. "Despicable."
My breath hitched. "So… so you're not going to arrest us?"
She huffed. "Of course not! Do you think I'm someone who would abandon a friend just because a piece of paper told me to? Or that I would stab a comrade in the back just to come out wealthier?" She folded her arms. "I am a Captain of Ringwood. I have sworn an oath to uphold justice and punish wicked criminals. And you two," she pointed to the two of us, "are as far away from the definition of 'wicked' as night is from day. Arresting you would be a stain on my honor."
"I…" I blinked back tears before fixing my gaze to the floor. How could I have ever thought she would turn us in? Even if it was for a moment, I felt like trash for doubting her. "I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize. Anyone would jump to conclusions after a bombshell like this." She gestured to the wanted posters before placing her hands on the table before her. "What's more troubling is where these posters are coming from."
"I take it that means these aren't just a prank." Floyd remarked dryly.
"No. They're genuine." Wynn said grimly. "Nitebane issued them just under a week ago. They've since been circulated across Minecraftia's eastern Kingdoms. Daymonte, Oak Docks, and perhaps Jolin. They only reached Ringwood today."
"Hang on. Did you say Nitebane issued them?" Floyd inquired skeptically. "But… but how? It's a ruined Kingdom. Did the Griefers or Hackers—?"
"Neither. Someone has done the unthinkable and ousted the Hackers and Griefers from Nitebane." That elicited surprised gasps from all of us. "Nitebane has officially requested to be acknowledged as a Kingdom again. After centuries of ruin, someone has freed them and intends on returning Nitebane to its former glory. As such—and I won't sugarcoat it—the other Kingdoms will be in a hurry to capture the two of you."
"What!? Why?" What did Nitebane's former glory have to do with us?
"But… but Cobbert is a hero!" Lenz tried to explain. "He… he saved Halstatt from Alec and his Griefers! How could Nitebane or Daymonte forget that? And, through his efforts, Ringwood was spared being overrun by Creepers! To imply that they would turn on him is just absurd!"
"You seem to be misunderstanding how much the populace knows." Wynn informed carefully. "I myself ordered my guards to keep Cobb's victory over Alec a secret to protect him from the Hackers. All anyone knows is that a Crafter known as the 'Billionth' was the one to slay Alec. Nobody would connect that to him unless they researched his number at the Hall of Records. The same goes for the Creeper herd. True, Cobb provided the Creepers' weakness, but he only learned it outside the walls while he and Soul were burning the forest. He and Soul are only out of prison because we blamed the forest fire on the cult. We can't contradict our stories now."
"So then… so then, to the general public, I'm just like any other Crafter."
"Yes. And it's because of your anonymity that Ringwood wouldn't bat an eye over arresting you."
I recoiled. "How does that make sense? Why target us when we've done nothing wrong? Why is Nitebane after us in the first place? Heck, I've never even been to Nitebane!"
"It's because—" Wynn stopped abruptly when she heard a creaking noise coming from above. She quickly withdrew her rapier, shielding me from sight, as she turned to face the elevator from which Crafters entered the Inhouse.
After a few moments of nothing happening, Wynn returned the rapier to her belt and spoke to us in a hurried whisper.
"There isn't much time. All of Ringwood knows about these posters and know that you're in the Kingdom somewhere. Any minute now, I expect a messenger from His Eminence to order me to search for and arrest you two."
"But I thought he was a good guy!" I protested to which Wynn silenced me with a glare.
"He is a good man. Naïve, but a good man. And it's not his fault. You need to understand that in Kingdom politics, relations are everything. For centuries, Nitebane has been largely ignored by the Kingdoms because it was deemed unsalvageable. They all turned a blind eye to its crumbling economy and did nothing to aid against the Griefers. Nitebane will not have forgotten that.
"You visited Nitebane with Cara, right Floyd?" The blue-nette nodded. "Did she tell you about the EXP Factories?" Another nod. "I expect the factories will be the first to be returned to full operational capacity. The Kingdom needs exports after all, and EXP is worth its weight in emeralds. The citizens can save on equipment costs by enchanting with Efficiency and Unbreaking while also optimizing resources with Fortune, Silk Touch, and Looting. They can pretty much corner the market in Enchantments.
"The other Kingdoms know this, and will want to establish good trading relations with them. However, Nitebane will be suspicious and untrustworthy after centuries of being ignored, so the other Kingdoms will have to offer them more generous trade deals to build trust… or provide a peace offering, such as apprehending and turning over two wanted criminals."
"Oh…" I realized with a sinking stomach. It wasn't that we were being accused as high-ranking cultists that earned us the attention of the other Kingdoms. It was that Nitebane wanted us arrested, and the other Kingdoms wanted to be in Nitebane's good graces. Whichever Kingdom captured and turned us over to them would be in a favorable position to barter resources and EXP. More so than the other Kingdoms targeted by Nitebane's rancor.
What did the lives of a couple of nameless Crafters matter in comparison to allying with a Kingdom? Floyd and I were just bargaining chips.
"It's another story entirely for Ringwood." As if it couldn't get any worse, Wynn had to open her mouth again. "So soon after a cult attack, the citizens are in a frenzy over even the slightest sign of a black-leather cap. They're irrational and scared, but that makes them more violent."
"So, if presented with two supposed high-ranking Endward Cult members, they'd rip us apart." Floyd filled in, looking pale. "That about sums it up?"
Wynn's silence was telling.
The wanted posters only offered the reward if we were alive. That struck me as odd since I remembered 4Blite's to be dead or alive. It wouldn't matter to Ringwood's citizens, though. They wouldn't even bother trying to take us alive. They despised the cult. We'd be lucky if they didn't burn us at the stake!
"Great. Just great!" Floyd exclaimed while sinking into one of the chairs. "So, what, now they'll be hunting us!? All because of a piece of paper!? This… ugh… this is unbelievable…"
"Why is Nitebane after us though?" I questioned aloud. "I haven't been there at all."
"I'm not sure." Wynn frowned. "An old foe must hold a grudge against you two. Their accusations are baseless, but they know enough that nobody will care, given the position of power Nitebane holds. I won't lie, establishing an EXP trade with Nitebane is tempting. It would do wonders for our current economical situation. It would help us out of the hole set forth by the cult and their Creepers."
"…So then, should we let ourselves be caught?"
Wynn turned to me with a look of shock. "What? No!"
"I'm just saying…" I paused, thinking over my words. "The guards won't kill us if we turn ourselves in. They'll take us to Nitebane so we can figure out what we did to piss them off. And Ringwood establishes good relations." I blinked as I stared back at Wynn. "Isn't that the most favorable case?"
"No—Cobb, you're correct, that is the most favorable case, but there's no telling what Nitebane will do to you." Wynn frowned as she looked me in the eye. "Don't even think about turning yourself in… yet. We need to find out more about Nitebane and whoever took control before considering handing yourselves over."
"Indeed." Lenz chipped in. "They may only want you in Nitebane to publicly execute you themselves. I know you did nothing wrong so there is no reason to believe anything printed on these flimsy wanted posters."
"I don't want to go back to Nitebane." Floyd firmly stated. "I almost died there once. No matter what, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't survive a second time."
Again, Floyd idly touched his eyelids. It was becoming a habit for him whenever he was uncomfortable.
"I don't want to hear any more talk of you turning yourself in." Wynn pressed determinedly. "As a Captain of Ringwood, I am officially advising you to go on the lam. Keep out of the law's clutches and disregard what any official figure says."
I couldn't help but snicker at the irony. "Does that include what you're saying now?"
She replied by softly smacking me across the head. "You know what I mean. From now on, you and Floyd will be considered criminals."
"If that's the case, why aren't we running out of this Kingdom as fast as we can?" The guards would arrest us, but the citizens were at rip-us-open-and-drink-our-blood levels of wanting to kill us, just because they thought us to be cultists.
"You can't run out there right away because I still have stuff to tell you." Wynn returned the wanted posters to her backpack. "You do have to leave though. Today. Staying in this bunker might buy you a week, but eventually you'll need food and one of the neighbors will notice Erin, Lenz, or I spending unusually long amounts of time in an outhouse."
Brain: You could only blame diarrhea so many times.
"Not to mention I'll be considered an accomplice and lose my captainship if you're discovered."
"Got it. We'll pack up quick." I signaled Floyd and Lenz to grab their gear and be back. I already had everything on me. "Can't say I expected this… or that I feel comfortable with this. I'm… a little scared, honestly. But we were going to leave in a day anyway. We're heading towards—"
"If you wouldn't mind, I'd rather you not tell me where it is you're planning to go." Wynn cut me off with a raised hand. "That way, if his Eminence asks me, I can honestly claim ignorance. Though I advise against heading east."
"I'll keep that in mind, thanks." We were heading south to Zeppil so it worked out. Unless of course our wanted posters were there waiting for us.
Gulp.
Five minutes later, Floyd and Lenz were finished packing up. Lenz was quite somber saying goodbye to the Inhouse, though Wynn promised that she and Erin would look after it in our stead.
"His Eminence will order me to search for you guys soon." Wynn sighed, glancing at a clock at her belt. "The Northern, Eastern, and Western toll gates have been repaired and beefed up to deter cultists from exiting or leaving the city. Security there is too tight, so your only chance would be to use ender pearls—"
"Don't got any."
"—or to slip out through the Southern toll gate. It's still under repairs and there aren't many guards." She looked concerned. "Do you have a plan to travel through—"
"We can use these." I assured her, taking out the Potions of Invisibility I had taken off of Hugh the cultist. "We just need to strip off our armor and not hold anything and we should be okay."
"Isn't this the same tactic those cultists used?" Floyd asked with a raised brow. "Not the best way to prove we have nothing to do with them, eh Cobb? Also, eight minutes? It's a long way to the Southern toll."
"We'll make it."
"Wait!" Lenz panicked, seeing the potions in me and Floyd's hands. "You only have two potions! What about me?"
"What about you? You're not a wanted criminal."
"Floyd's right." I nodded to the engineer. "You can just walk about normally. Nobody should have any reason to call you out as our accomplice. We'll stand at your sides so you won't lose us."
"…Very well."
"You probably already know this, but don't kill anyone while running." Wynn advised. "You can run or fight, but when you start killing, people will doubt your innocence more and more."
I nodded. As long as they only tried to capture us, I would have no reason to kill. But the second anyone decided we were better off dead… well, I wouldn't sit idly by.
"And one last thing." Wynn caught my shoulder before I could drink the potion. "Sorry. I know you should be in a hurry, but this is very important.
"Cobb, you know I know you're innocent." Wynn clarified, to which I nodded. "You know that I'm against imprisoning you since I've seen the way you fight for people. I can't express in words how grateful I am to you for Halstatt and stopping the herd.
"I just want you to know, however… that I can't promise I won't come after you."
I was confused by the double negative, but I think I understood the gist of it.
"Like I said, His Eminence will order me to pursue you. Even though I'm grateful for all you've done… I swore an oath: To defend this Kingdom and to pledge my loyalty to His Eminence."
"But Cobbert's innocent—"
"But King Miles doesn't know that!" Wynn stressed. "To him, you are a criminal as well as a way of salvaging what's left of this Kingdom through bartering with Nitebane. You've benefited Ringwood and its people, but I can't deny that King Miles' orders will also benefit Ringwood and its people. Therefore, I can't ignore his orders if he asks me to capture you. I can drag my feet to buy you some time, but other than that my hands are tied.
"Meaning, if a Ringwood citizen was to see Cobb and I, and that same citizen saw me acknowledge Cobb's existence, I would have no choice but to appear as a Captain arresting a dangerous criminal." She fixed me with her amber gaze. "Do you understand?"
I did understand. We were practically brother and sister, but she had her responsibilities to Ringwood to uphold. The Kingdom needed her. She couldn't possibly put my needs ahead of the tens of thousands of citizens entrusting their lives to her. It was the reason I had suggested turning myself in. She was already doing so much to stick her neck out for us. It would just be petty to hold it against her.
"I understand, Wynn. Thank you." I respectfully bowed. "Thank you for everything."
Wynn smiled lightly, even though it was a bit sad. "You better get going. Don't trust anyone either. No telling what new lows people would stoop—"
I abandoned all professionalism as I reached out and hugged the Captain tightly. Some of her long ivory hair got in my face and she stiffened in my embrace, but soon settled by returning the gesture.
"You be careful, okay?" She pleaded, terrified to death for the innocent newb with a target on his back.
"I will." I nodded. "I'll wait 60 seconds and think of you every time I'm about to do something stupid."
She laughed genuinely, though she sounded a little choked up. "I knew I could get you to listen to me."
"Um… not to rush this moment, but I already drank the potion." The invisible Floyd commented with a twinge of panic. "Seven minutes fifty seconds… forty-nine seconds… forty-eight seconds…"
With a final squeeze, I let go of Wy—my big sister—stripped off my armor, and downed my potion. My black-and-white hoodie and jeans vanished into thin air, making me just as non-existent as my archery skills.
One at a time, we all entered the elevator and shot up to the surface. Up there, we were wanted men. I hid my fear well, but the idea of constantly checking my back for signs of being followed or recognized was difficult to accept. Just yesterday we were making plans walking in plain sight. But now…
Not the best first day for the Beginners.
[Wynn]
Not five minutes after Cobb and his friends left, there was a heavy knock at my front door.
I took one glance at the tear-stained face of my housekeeper and knew she would be too distraught over Cobb's unjustified wanted status to reign in her emotions.
"Upstairs." I whispered to her as a second set of knocks assaulted the door. She tremulously nodded before scurrying up the steps and out of sight.
Outside, I caught glimpses of armored guards wearing Ringwood's colors. Swords were at their belts and I didn't have to guess why they were here.
I got up from my seat and walked towards the door, dumping the two wanted posters in the fireplace along the way. I would play ignorant for the moment.
On the third set of knocks, I opened the door quickly and pulled off a passable look of astonishment. "Why, hello there. Is there a reason why so many guards are at my doorstep?"
"Captain Wynn!" One of the guards exclaimed with a salute. The others did the same. "We've been searching all over the plateau for you! You've always been there on time, every day. What have you been doing here all morning?"
"I was expecting a personal meeting with Daymonte's envoy." Not entirely a lie, since the odds Veronica would show up uninvited were one-hundred percent. "Forgive me. I wasn't aware I needed to inform you of my schedule."
"Ah. N-no, no. I wasn't—" The guard wilted under my stern gaze. "I mean… I wasn't implying… forgive me for my rudeness, but His Eminence has an urgent order for you."
"I see. That demands my full attention." I began, trying to bide my time. "Perhaps we can discuss this inside? My housekeeper just made breakfast."
The guards looked at me as if I was some mysterious creature with multiple heads and even I had to wince at how out of character my offer sounded. I would never normally invite twenty guards into my home just so they could inform me of a royal order over breakfast.
"Er… I'm afraid there's no time for that."
"Right. We need to act quickly." Another guard chimed. "His Eminence requests you to help search for the wanted Crafters King_Cobb and Flawwed_Floyd. He said you were familiar with them."
"Cobb… Cobb…" I tapped my chin, pretending to recall a name that I had already committed to memory. "Ah, that's right! There was a fellow like that. It was so long ago, I had honestly forgotten."
Spencer was among the guards at my doorstep and he seemed shocked. "You forgot him!? How could you—the guy killed a Ha… ghhhhhh…" he cut himself off, remembering not to say a word about it. "He accompanied us to Daymonte!"
"With all the damage of the Creeper herd and the craziness of the Bounty Day, I had a lot on my plate to bother remembering an insignificant Crafter." I winced again at the tone of dismissal in my voice. It was to buy Cobb time. It was to buy Cobb time.
"Well he's not as insignificant a Crafter as you might think." Another guard informed, making me curse at how quickly we were approaching the crux of the order. "He's an Executive of the Endward Cult. That blue-haired guy is his Lieutenant. We heard rumors that he was living here—"
"I can assure you those two criminals are not within this mansion." I shut him down. "Only my housekeeper and I are here. You are welcome to prove me wrong if need be."
I was hoping they would. Wasting their time searching my mansion would work in Cobb's favor.
"We have no reason to doubt you." The guard at the front replied. "His Eminence simply wanted you to lead us in our search for them. We know they're still somewhere in the Kingdom since eyewitnesses saw them yesterday. The toll gates haven't seen them either, but are now on high alert."
"Captain Iron_Lung is leading a search party of fifty and they're going building to building. We thought we'd head towards the Southern toll gate since it's the weakest and in need of the most protection."
"Perhaps." I replied evasively. "It's a sound assumption. However, could they not also ender pearl over the walls? Or burrow underground? We cannot rule out these possibilities."
"You're right ma'am." The front guard nodded respectfully. "But we also can't ignore the weakness of the Southern toll gate. It's the likeliest escape route."
I gnashed my teeth. "You… make an excellent point. Very well, we shall move to the Southern toll gate. Just give me a few minutes to get ready—"
"But you already have your rapier and armor. What more do you need?"
"I… oh, yes, you are right. I could not be more prepared." I cursed my own preparedness. Why couldn't I have dumped everything in a chest!?
"Good. Then we can go, yes?"
"…I can't think of anything else that would otherwise impede me so..." I paused for a few moments longer than usual. "Yes. Let us move with haste."
The guards nodded and moved aside to let me pass and lead them.
I let out a short sigh before breaking into a light jog. It was a steady pace that I could claim preserved my energy when really it would buy Cobb more ti—
*SPLASH*
The feeling of invigoration never felt so damnable. A Splash Potion of Swiftness had been thrown at our feet by one of the guards.
"You seem to have forgotten something after all, Captain." The guard with the splash potion, Ricardo, laughed. "Not to worry. I have enough Potions of Swiftness to go around."
"Very good, Ricardo." I fake cheered while internally I was screaming. "With this, we'll reach the Southern toll gate in no time."
…Joy.
[Cobb]
Even though it was safer for Lenz to appear as inconspicuous as possible, we didn't have the time to dawdle. We whispered to him to pick up the pace when our invisibility timers hit the four minute mark.
The problem was, he was incredibly slow. He was panting in exhaustion and sweating, yet still he kept running. He fully realized we needed to leave Ringwood as quickly as possible. This was aided by the fact that our wanted posters were being pasted on item frames all over buildings and walls. Everyone was abuzz, speaking about Nitebane's latest revival or of the high-ranking cultists worth enough emeralds to buy an airship.
It made for a very tense atmosphere. Floyd and I had to pull Lenz along at one point when his pace got between jog and slog. Through our combined efforts, we made it to the toll gates with just two minutes left to spare.
"Almost there." I whispered to Lenz in an attempt to motivate him. "Just a little further and we're out."
Security there was lighter. There were only three guards covering the large gap made by several Creeper explosions. There were a few wooden stands acting as toll gates, but they wouldn't notice a pair of invisible Crafters slinking by. It was a cinch.
"Oi! Hold up one second!"
Lenz froze after being pointed at by one of the guards in front of the toll gate. This guard had green hair and it was with an internal groan that I recognized him to be mother-fucking Bitters! Of all the guards, it just had to be him.
"You there! With the tinted glasses!" He called out again, catching the attention of a few passing Crafters. Bitters approached Lenz with a measured gait. "I remember you. You're friends with that punk, Cobb."
Punk? I bristled indignantly before realizing it was the least offending thing I'd been accused of all day.
"I guess that makes you a cultist too, huh?" Bitters questioned loudly, causing a bunch of citizens to stare in their direction. The bastard was trying to rile up the crowd.
"Er… I heard the news about Cobb." Lenz began. "I was horrified to discover his connection to the cult. It caught a lot of people who thought they knew him by surprise."
"That so?" Bitters inquired suspiciously. "You've just cast him aside? You're not considering sympathizing with him or believing him to be innocent, right?"
"Not at all." It was hard to tell whether the sweat on his brow was from running or from the nerves at being scrutinized.
I glanced at my arm worriedly. Godamnit, that green-haired asshole was wasting all our time!
Bitters looked Lenz up and down before narrowing his eyes. "Where are you heading?"
Lenz shrugged. "Just out to… mine some redstone." He invented on the spot.
Bitters frowned. "Then how come I don't see an iron pick?"
I panicked at the hole Bitters poked in Lenz's story, but Lenz recovered quickly.
"I was planning on mining the iron for it first." He remained calm. "It is cheaper and more practical, no?"
Bitters narrowed his eyes and hummed to himself. If he was going to come to a conclusion, it had to be now. We only had a minute left on our Invisibility!
"Alright, I see no problem then." Bitters moved aside to let Lenz pass, permitting me and Floyd to breathe again. Lenz remained neutral as he moved to pass the guard.
"Just remember to inform the guards if you see him." Bitters held out an arm to stop the engineer one last time. "Cobb is cultist-leading scum and deserves to rot in a cell for the rest of his life."
Floyd and I ignored the guard's final parting words and kept moving on, eager to pass through those toll gates and escape into the charred remains of the forest.
But Lenz stopped dead in his tracks. "What did you say?"
We whirled around, trying to drag the engineer away, but Bitters had heard and seemed eager to repeat himself.
"I said what I've always been saying since the moment I met him." Bitters clarified with added venom. "Cobb is no good. He feigned incompetence just to make himself look good when really he had cultist knowledge. No wonder he passed those Creepers back at the basin! He studied the things and used that information to herd them towards Ringwood! Nothing but pure evil."
"Ignore him, Lenz." I whispered urgently so that Bitters wouldn't hear. "We have to go, now!"
Our timers only had thirty seconds!
"Perhaps you are right." Lenz conceded to the guard. "Perhaps Cobb is a cultist, masquerading as a Crafter just like you and I."
Lenz clenched his fists, glaring at Bitters with obvious disdain.
"But do keep in mind that a cultist masquerading as a guard was more willing to defend his allies in Halstatt than a guard of your caliber who simply ran away."
…
Brain: Oooh, Bitters is gonna need a Potion of Healing for that one.
Bitters was fuming over Lenz's words. His face went red with anger and screwed up with fury. "You nerdy…" Bitters reared back a fist to punch Lenz in the face.
*WHACK*
Only for a shield to appear out of nowhere and block it.
"What the… Gah!" Bitters was struck across the chest by a floating iron sword.
Lenz looked on worriedly as the invisibility on Floyd and I wore off, revealing us for all eyes to see.
"…Shit." I mumbled to the sound of alarmed cries, shocked gasps, and angry sputters.
"It's them!"
"They were here all along!?"
"You're right! He looks just as stupid as he does in the poster!"
"Invisibility Potions! I heard the cultists used that to infiltrate the Kingdom!"
"So those two are guilty!"
"Why conceal themselves if they've got nothing to hide?"
I felt the odious glares being directed at us from every witnessing citizen. It was palpable how much they hated us, just because they thought us to be cultists.
"I... forgive me, Cobbert." Lenz apologized, cowering between Floyd and I over the enemies on all sides. "I exposed the two of you-"
"Our invisibility was wearing off anyway." Floyd comforted with a slight nudge to the engineer's side. "And that guard had it coming."
The remaining two guards covering the toll gates were quick to arm themselves and set off fireworks to alert any nearby guards or Captains. They glared at the three of us. "King_Cobb and Flawwed_Floyd! You two are under suspicion of being high-ranking members of the Endward Cult! And you with the glasses, you're obviously aiding them as an accomplice! All three of you are under arrest!"
Floyd and I quickly put on our armor and readied our weapons. We would have to fight our way through while there were only two guards to worry about. It was only a matter of time before the citizens just mobbed us in an angry frenzy. They were already starting to move in with on-hand weapons.
"Wait!"
A familiar voice called out from the crowd before an ivory-haired blur leapt over heads and skid to a stop between us and the toll gate.
"It's Captain Wynn!" One of the citizens cheered, causing a round of applause to accompany her arrival.
She took it in stride, flipping her hair and withdrawing a rapier from her belt. My heart sank into my stomach. Even with the head-start she gave us, we were too late. She had to arrest us now or else risk her captainship. She couldn't just let us go!
"All of you please stay back." Wynn advised. The citizens followed her order, but the twenty guards she brought with her were surprised to hear that they too had to back away. "These three Crafters are very dangerous and skilled. No doubt they have many deadly tricks up their sleeves that could catch any ordinary Crafter unawares. For your safety, please leave them to an experienced Captain."
I caught Wynn's gaze and saw her nod imperceptibly.
Wynn, you beautiful bastard! I felt my spirits lift again. She was trying to keep the guards and citizens out of the fight for our benefit.
The guards hesitated, not quite comfortable with leaving their Captain to face three supposedly deadly cultists.
"Surrender yourself, King_Cobb!" Wynn called out in a commanding tone that almost made me drop my weapons. "You have no chance of escape. Captain Iron_Lung will have seen those fireworks and will be here in TEN MINUTES to apprehend you. Even if I cannot defeat you, I only have to keep you indisposed until help arrives."
I caught on to her hidden message. We had ten minutes to escape and then there was nothing more she could do for us. On the one hand, challenging Wynn to a fight was verging suicidal. But with three of us against her and my suspicion that she would be holding back to give us a chance of escape, our odds weren't so bad.
I tilted my head towards Floyd and Lenz who both seemed to understand Wynn's intentions. With a nod, I turned back to face her and mustered up the most evil voice I could think of.
"I'm afraid surrendering is not an option, Captain Wynn_Whispers." It was weird calling her by her full name, but she was doing it with me, so, when in Ringwood… "While I'm aware of how skilled and determined you are, I'm afraid you alone don't stand a chance against the three of us."
Wynn opened her mouth to spit out another line of cheesy dialogue, only for another line of cheesy dialogue to cut her off.
"Who said anything about her being alone?"
The next instant, Floyd, Lenz, and I were all sent sprawling onto our backs with arrows sticking out of our chests. I winced at the projectile, wondering with confusion who could have—
"Oh no…" Lenz breathed as he pointed up towards the rooftop of one building where a blonde archer was twirling her bow idly.
Veronica.
The guards and citizens pointed up to the roof in astonishment as the blonde Captain slid down and landed perfectly beside an agape Wynn.
"V-Veronica… what… excellent timing…" She sputtered with her eyes darting between us and the newly arrived Captain.
"I knew it all along!" Veronica called out as she pointed a finger at me. "I knew these guys were cultists the second I heard that they slept under the same roof as—I mean the second I laid my eyes on these three little turds!"
Wynn blushed beet red, but admirably refused to facepalm.
"Don't worry, Wynn!" Veronica called out supportively, causing the uncertain guards to readily step aside to let two professionals handle things. "With the two of us forming our dream team, we'll capture these pricks and split the reward fifty-fifty! Let's kick some cultist butt!"
"Y-Yes! Let's!" Wynn had no choice but to agree.
...
…I couldn't do it.
"Pftt…"
I couldn't hold it in.
"Pppfffhahahaha!"
I burst out laughing in sheer disbelief at the current situation. Even though it was serious and spelled disaster for me and my friends… it was just too hilarious! Once I started, I couldn't stop. The onlookers thought me bold to laugh in the face of danger or just plain insane, but I didn't care.
To have one Captain pretend to apprehend me only for another Captain to show up thinking it was genuine. Never in a million years would a situation like this ever happen again. And that's what made it funny. Even Floyd found it in himself to chuckle a bit.
Wynn had chosen that moment to facepalm, her rapier hanging loosely at her side. The sight of it just set me off again, causing a more uproarious laugh to tumble free from my lips and unfurl into the sky. I completely lost it, rolling onto my back and just laughing.
"Ahahahahaha!"
"You think you're hot shit, don't you!" Veronica called over angrily, already arming her bow for another shot. "Yuck it up, you little turd. I'll be the one with the last laugh when this is all over."
"I seriously doubt it!" I shouted between laughs, tears in my eyes. Oh God, I couldn't breathe!
"Cobbert, you are making her mad…" Lenz warned in terror, fumbling with his own bow as he watched the blonde Captain simmer. He inched behind Floyd, using him as a shield while Floyd used his shield as a… shield.
With a twang, the Golden Hawk of Daymonte launched an arrow at my face and began the battle.
Ten minutes. Two Captains.
Reaaaaaally not a good beginning for the Beginners.
Inventory (Cobb): 1 Fishing Rod {Backlash} [Knockback II, Luck of the Sea III, Unbreaking III], 1 Stone Pickaxe, 1 Iron Sword, 1 Golden Sword [Sharpness I, Unbreaking I]{Weak}, 1 Golden Shovel [Silk Touch I, Unbreaking III], 1 Flint and Steel {Weak}, 15 Cobblestone, 12 Flint, 12 Torches, 5 Coal, 2 Oak Wood Planks, 2 Sticks, 1 Crafting Table, 1 Oak Wood Door, 1 Clock, 43 Dirt, 1 Bucket, 4 String, 6 TNT, 64 Steak, 64 Cooked Mutton, 64 Baked Potatoes, 1 Pumpkin, 1 Iron Helmet {Weak}, 1 Leather Tunic [Dyed Green, Unbreaking I], 1 Iron Leggings {Weak}, 1 Iron Boots, 6 Rotten Flesh, 46 Emeralds, 1 Map {Ringwood Region}, 1 Book {Advanced Mob-Slaying}, 1 Book {Citizenship Information}, 1 Paper {Ringwood Entry Pass}
[EXP: 6]
Inventory (Floyd): 1 Iron Pickaxe, 1 Iron Sword, 1 Shield, 1 Bow, 1 Fishing Rod, 1 Furnace, 1 Crafting Table, 3 Sticks, 3 Ladders, 8 Cobblestone, 1 Oak Wood Door, 1 Minecart, 1 Bed, 1 Boat, 1 Potion of Regeneration II {0:22}, 1 Potion of Regeneration II {0:22}, 1 Potion of Regeneration II {0:22}, 1 Potion of Fire Resistance {8:00}, 2 Flint, 2 Gunpowder, 9 String, 10 Ink Sacs, 5 Cooked Fish, 64 Cooked Chicken, 64 Apples, 3 Wool, 1 Iron Chestplate, 1 Iron Leggings, 1 Iron Boots, 1 Book {Citizenship Information}, 5 Arrows, 1 Paper {Entry Pass}, 4 Emeralds
[EXP: 20]
Inventory (Lenz): 1 Bow, 1 Shears, 3 Levers, 4 Wooden Buttons, 1 Stone Button, 5 Redstone Torches, 17 Redstone Repeaters, 3 Redstone Comparators, 24 Redstone, 64 TNT, 15 TNT, 1 Hopper, 1 Dispenser, 3 Blocks of Redstone, 5 Pistons, 10 Cobblestone, 10 Torches, 13 Wheat, 2 Sticks, 1 Minecart, 1 Compass, 9 String, 25 Gunpowder, 64 Steak, 28 Arrows, 1 Potion of Night Vision {8:00}, 1 Crafting Table, 1 Pumpkin, 64 Emeralds, 14 Emeralds, 1 Book {Airship Piloting 101}, 1 Book {Notebook}, 1 Book {Citizenship Information}, 1 Paper {Daymonte Entry Pass}, 1 Paper {Ringwood Entry Pass}
[EXP: 5]
Inventory (Soul): 1 Iron Axe, 1 Shield, 1 Splash Potion of Healing II, 1 Splash Potion of Healing II, 1 Splash Potion of Healing II, 1 Potion of Strength II {1:30}, 1 Potion of Strength II {1:30}, 1 Potion of Invisibility {8:00}, 1 Potion of Invisibility {8:00}, 1 Potion of Invisibility {8:00}, 1 Iron Helmet, 1 Iron Chestplate, 1 Iron Leggings, 1 Iron Boots, 1 Crafting Table, 20 Oak Wood Planks, 18 Steaks, 9 Emeralds, 1 Book {Citizenship Information}, 1 Paper {Ringwood Entry Pass}
[EXP: 35]
AN: Captains vs Beginners! Who will win? How will they win? What is the meaning behind Cobb's strange Cake Dream?
And most importantly, who will remove the stick shoved up Bitters' ass!?
Find out next time on My Craft!
For this week's Omake, I couldn't think of something so I scanned my computer for something suitable a wrote a while back and I found this little gem of an interation.
Please enjoy!
Omake: Mark and Teal
Lieutenant MarkAble was a methodical, attentive, and well-rounded individual. He worked hard to organize the cult's Eastern Division and manage paperwork and certain Crafters.
So, when he learned he would be participating in a mission joined by Teal_Larkspur, he felt the need to set a few ground rules to keep the affectionate woman away from him.
He demanded they sleep in different tents distanced no less than ten meters from each other, and that Teal refrained from touching him for the duration of the mission, unless otherwise asked or when Mark's life was in danger.
Surprisingly, Teal agreed.
But on one condition.
"Kiss me." She declared openly, sporting a rather confident smile. "If you kiss me on the lips, I'll follow all of your other rules to the letter."
Of course, Mark could never muster up the courage for something like that. It would just feed Teal's infatuation with him all the more. And Mark had a feeling that Teal knew that.
But he wasn't about to give up and let her have her way. So, when she asked him to kiss him, he had a hastily formed plan at the ready.
"Very well, Teal." He spoke with a resigned tone, surprising the blue-nette. "Close your eyes and let's just get it over with."
Teal's eyes sparkled with excitement. "Really? You will!" She was practically jumping with joy.
"Yes, yes. Just close your eyes before I change my mind."
Immediately, Teal's eyes snapped shut. Her lips were puckered and she was leaning slightly forward, ready to accept Mark's act of affection.
But Mark had other ideas.
Mark kept his breathing controlled as he approached Teal. After testing if her eyes were really shut by waving his hands in front of her face, he quietly raised two digits—his index and middle finger—pressed them together, and curled them so that the knuckles stuck out. He closed his own eyes and raised the knuckles to his mouth, testing the texture. He was certain they would be impossible to discern from a real pair of lips… but just to be safe, he moistened them with a light lick.
Perfect. He thought approvingly.
Again he waved his hand in front of a waiting Teal before slowly pressing his moistened fingers to her mouth. Teal, with eyes still closed, hummed her approval, pushing against the fake lips. When Mark felt her tongue glide across them, he quickly drew back, blushing like crazy.
"Alright, there's your kiss!" He spoke with a cracked voice. "Satisfied?"
Teal's eyes slowly fluttered open and she raised a hand to her lips, running her tongue along them as if to savor the flavor. She eyed Mark seductively, her lips turning up in a smile. "Very~"
And so, Teal kept her word. On the first day, the two Lieutenants rested in separate tents on separate beds and Teal hadn't touched him once.
The second day was much the same.
The third day, Mark woke up in his bed…
And nearly screamed when he felt an extra pair of arms hugging him from behind.
He didn't even need to ask who it was. He already knew. If the strands of blue ponytail trailing beside his head or the fishnet stocking-clad arms and legs wrapped around him weren't enough of a clue, he could always count on Teal_Larkspur to be the only woman in Minecraftia to ever spoon him. He, for some strange reason, being the little spoon to her big spoon.
He could hear her snoozing contentedly behind him, hugging him tenderly like one might an oversized teddy bear.
While it irritated him that she would disregard the rules he set forth (the fact that he cheated his way out of her kiss condition was irrelevant), he had to admit that, with the morning as cold as it was, her presence was quite comforting. Her body was soft and warm against his—
No! Bad thoughts! He freed a hand to smack himself in the face. I'm not looking for a relationship!
He tried to wriggle out from Teal's hold, but it only caused her to stir and eventually wake up.
"Mmmhmhm. I was having a nice dream." She gave an airy giggle as she hugged Mark closer, resting her chin on his shoulder. "You were in it, buuuut with a lot less clothes~" She whispered the last bit into his ear, enjoying the way he fidgeted.
"Teal!" He groaned, straining to break her loose hold on him. "What happened to our agreement? I gave you your kiss—"
"You gave me two of your fingers." Teal nipped lightly at his neck, causing him to whimper. "You were trying to trick me, you naughty boy~"
"But your eyes were closed! How… how did you—?"
"I peeked~!" She grinned happily while her hands started to roam over his chest. "But enough about that. Let's you and I play a little early morning game." Mark took a sharp intake of breath when one of her hands trailed lower. "Try and escape my grasp. The longer you take, the more intimate these hands get~"
"Couldn't we just play Twenty Questions—Eep!"
It was when Teal's hand began to slip into his pants that he freaked out. He rolled around, Teal hanging on for the ride, as he desperately tried to squirm, wriggle, and worm his way out of her embrace. Teal's giggles turned to full-blown laughter at his fruitless struggles. She looked to be having the time of her life, rolling around the tent with him while her hands occasionally teased lower and lower to guarantee an adorable response.
By the time Mark managed to roll out of the tent and onto the forest floor, he was panting with exhaustion, his face flush with mortification. Teal was panting too, but for other reasons.
"Uh-oh." She sing-songed as her warm body settled over Mark's, her chin resting atop his magenta-haired head and her hand halfway into his pants. "I think lefty wants to meet little MarkAble junior~!"
"Don't you touch him!" Mark shrieked, though he dared not move for fear of her hand brushing up against anything. "Please, Teal, I don't—"
Whatever Mark wanted to say, Teal didn't know. He had stopped so abruptly and his eyes were looking, not at her as she would have wanted, but at a pair of boots not even a meter away from them.
A tough-looking Crafter with his sword planted in the dirt was looking down upon the two Lieutenants, sporting a roguish smirk. Behind him were about fifteen Crafters, all with bows loaded and aimed at the pair.
"Good morning." The Crafter with the sword greeted. "So sorry to interrupt your lovemaking, but my compatriots and I were wondering if you were carrying any valuables with you."
Before Mark could point out the difference between 'lovemaking' and 'non-consensual rape', Teal asked a question of her own.
"Who are you supposed to be?"
"Ah! But where are my manners?" The apparent leader flourished dramatically. "We, madam, are the Rosewood Knights, here to divest you of your weighty valuables. Diamonds and emeralds, if you are so afflicted." He made it sound like they were performing a charitable service, but it was plain to Mark that they were asking to steal from them.
"I do hope you'll acquiesce peacefully to our requisitioning." The leader nodded to the archers aimed towards them. "The last group we asked… well… let's just say things got a tad messy. Horrible tragedy, really. Completely avoidable if they had just listened."
Mark had a pretty good idea what they wanted. And a pretty good idea of what they'd do if they didn't get it.
He tilted his head up to look at Teal, who tilted her head down to look at him. They shared a meaningful look, and, with Teal's pleading puppy dog eyes staring him down, Mark rolled his own and nodded.
Her follow-up smile could only be described as maniacal.
"Oh, my gosh! She's so fast!" Came a forced voice as Teal raised up the Head of one of the Rosewood Knights. She was throwing her voice off in a poor imitation of the knight's when he was alive.
"And so cool! Ooooh!" Teal deepened her voice even further, raising another knight's Head and shaking it as if it was swooning.
"And so so gorgeous!" She continued in a perfect imitation of the leader knight's voice as she raised his Head up last. "Why oh why can't Mark see what he's missing? What all our archers are missing! Why, it's Teal_Larkspur!"
"Thank you! Thank you! You're too kind." Teal gushed, bowing for the puppet show she was performing with the remains of the slain Rosewood Knights. Killing them had taken all of five minutes, and that was only because Mark had argued that she couldn't bring one of them along as her toy. A shame, but it wasn't like she didn't have other people to occupy her time.
"So, Mark," she turned to her fellow Lieutenant with a seductive lilt in her tone, "where were we~?"
"Leaving." Mark finished for her. "We were leaving."
He had already packed up both tents in the time it took Teal to dispatch her enemies. He prodded the knights' gear with his foot as he passed, picking out several useful potion ingredients along with Heads for quotas and emeralds for expenses.
He was also refusing to look at Teal, likely not wanting to recall what had almost happened had they not been interrupted.
Teal fell into step beside him, skipping lightly while shooting fond glances in Mark's direction. If she did only that for the rest of the journey, he honestly wouldn't mind her company.
But when she got too forward or bored… her teasing would haunt his dreams. Not in a bad way per se, but—
No! He just wanted to be friends with her! Anything more just wouldn't work.
He sighed hoping the Ocean Monument was close.
AN: I enjoy writing these two Lieutenants. Just because they're the bad guys doesn't mean they have to be unentertaining.