Title: Bittersweet
Summary: Angst smut and Love collide in a reimagining of S9's "Back In The Saddle."
Rating: M
AN: Oooh, this came out of the blue because, honestly, this episode REALLY pissed me off. This really could have gone differently. They could have really talked since it was the first time - in months - they'd seen each other and…LIKE PER FRIGGIN USUAL…someone interrupts.
This will have smut. Dirty smut because, why not. He's pissed, she's whatever she is…lol
Chapter 1 - He's Moved On
He's moved on.
It's an intrusive thought which fuels my restless days and nights. The insomnia, the evenings when I sit in a darkened apartment wondering how royally I've failed now make sense. Bud confirmed it once, joking about falsifying a marriage for the Commander to some mystery woman in the presence of her dying mother.
I hadn't pressed for details because the idea of the man I loved - still love - being bound to someone else eats me up inside. While the wedding itself may have been a sham, the ugly truth was confirmed by a knock on his door and a very pregnant Catherine Gayle on the other side.
Arriving at his loft with files in hand was my own sham, a way back into his life while he avoided message upon message that I had left on his machine. I needed to see for myself how much damage I'd done and if we could even mend fences again.
Our conversation was tense at best and the barb he tossed about mine and Webb's non-existent pillow talk made me believe he still cared. I wanted to say that I missed him, I loved him and would give my life to turn back the clocks to simpler times. I wanted to beg forgiveness for a mad woman too amped up on adrenaline and PTSD to realize she destroyed a good man with just one word: 'Never.' As if my heart could ever stop beating for him.
Catherine looks well, happy and familiar in his presence. By the way Harm stared back; it wasn't too hard to guess who he'd married and what kind of fruit a, supposedly, fake wedding produced. Marine decorum was the only thing that kept me from running but my retreat was far from elegant. I've held a disdain for that woman since we first worked together and her baby blues were clearly interested in my partner. I just never thought that they'd…that he'd… Shit.
Maybe that's why I'm still sitting in my Corvette parked in a darkened corner where I'd have a clear view of his apartment window. It's a reminder of another night, not so long ago, when the same window bore an image of the man I loved comforting a woman that wasn't me. The thought makes me shiver and for the zillionth time I pray to God so that he may rid me of these feelings I have for Harm.