Chapter 7 - Work
It's goddamned painful to stand at attention while Admiral Chegwidden absentmindedly flips through pages of some sort of service record. My eyes sting but I'm damned if I'll ever show any emotion other than concept in front of my commanding officer. I knew this day would come, that in Harm's absence I'd eventually be saddled with a new partner.
It all makes me sick to my stomach, one - because the choices I've made that led to this very moment and two - because of Harm's own choices which led him to Paraguay instead of letting me die in the Chaco.
No, I don't want to die. I remind myself. Especially not now that he and I…Harm and I are…something. I won't call it a boyfriend and girlfriend type of relationship because it doesn't feel that way.
The concept of being friends with benefits won't work either seeing as both of us threw the "L" word around multiple times since Friday evening.
And yes, I stayed with him the whole time. Leaving only on Sunday afternoon to retrieve my uniform and then return to him again.
With a smirk on his face Harm watched me dress, straightened the EGA on my lapel and kissed me goodbye like a husband would. We hadn't resolved much but some of the ache was gone and a little hope made me smile for the first time in months. When I left, part of me stayed behind with him and I opted to miss our mandatory Monday meeting in an effort to track down a witness that had been in hiding.
I hoped to stay out of Chegwidden's crosshairs but shortly after lunch I was summoned to his office where I now stand with a bead of sweat running down my spine and sheer hatred for what he's done to us.
"Colonel!" I snap out of my thoughts long enough to realize Chegwidden is standing before me, his expression one of care and concern. "Where did you go just now, Mac?"
I'm tempted to roll my eyes but I don't. The Marines taught me to face adversity and no Matter how many stars this squid has on his epaulet, I'll never fear him. "I'm here, sir. Please let me know why I'm here."
"Your new partner."
Fuck. Here we go. "Respectfully, sir, I don't need a new partner. I don't need a partner at all. I'm perfectly capable of-"
"Snap to." He doesn't use a stern voice which surprises me. Instead, his tone is soft, pained and I wonder if he's finally atoned for his role in all of this. I come to attention, my heels sounding so loud in the confines of his office. "You are not allowed to be a loner here, MacKenzie. Do you understand?"
"Aye, sir."
"You can find your new partner in Sturgis' old office. I suggest you drag yourself down there, make your introductions and get him up to speed on your current investigation. While you're at it, assign him some of Imes' files. Dismissed."
"Aye, sir."
Him.
Like I need another man in my life tormenting me. I keep myself together as I rush out of his office and nearly barrel through Sturgis when he tries to stand in my way. My legs want to give out before pushing through the double glass doors but, somehow I stay upright.
It's almost dizzying to walk down the hallway, past the elevators to where a supply closet once was. I'm not prepared to do this. I'm not prepared to start again which makes it impossible to plaster any sort of welcoming smile or pleasantries.
When the man standing by the window turns I wonder if I've simply lost my mind. Why else would I fall into my "new" partner's arms without caring who sees through the open door?
"Woah there, Marine." He catches me, cradles my body and I marvel at how well we fit together. I flash back to the past few days, the way he touched every inch of my skin and kissed me like my lips could feed an unstable appetite. I love this man. I love him so much it hurts.
"You're my new partner?"
Harm's chuckle is a rich rumble I feel against his chest where my head now laid. "I am."
"How? When?" He walks us back a few steps, enough that he's able to close the door and leave us with some relative privacy. I let him go reluctantly and then drop into the one guest chair that fits in this crammed little office.
"I spoke to Chegwidden that day you kept sleeping after…he made me an offer and when you went home to get your things, I countered with one of my own." His hand gestured between the two of us. He looks around at his new digs frowning at all of the unsightly pipes running up and down the walls. "I guess this is my punishment?"
"Does he know? About…about us I mean?"
"No." He deadpans and I wonder if Harm and I wonder if he's as confused as I am about our relationship. "No but, damn did I want to tell." His eyes lock on my lips when I lick them and he stops an inch away from kissing me.
"Are we an us?"
He turns his head slightly and smirks. "Working on it, I hope. Look, invite me over tonight. I'll cook and we can go over the case you're working on. Maybe even take a stab at Carolyn's old files?"
He sounds insecure and it's one of the cutest things I've ever seen to have him look at me with pleading eyes. "Yeah. Yes…Yes, please come over." Come over and stay. Stay forever. "I'll umm get out of your hair, I have a meeting with Sturgis."
"Okay." Harm cups my face in his hands and then kisses me. It's quick and chaste leaving me wanting more from him. "I'll see you later."
It feels different when I walk down the hall, like a new life had been infused into this dark and dreary building. When I push past the double doors I spot Chegwidden in the bullpen, our eyes making contact for just a breath. I expected a signature scowl on his face but instead his lips curve into a knowing smile.