All My Broken Pieces II
When in Rome
(c) 2024 by reallyhatemilk
Trailer: Three months after he left Xena and Gabrielle in Rome, Ares shows up in Octavius' palace to find a secret that devastates him. So, the usual but in Rome: love, lust, jealousy, tragedies. And the bad boy getting hurt; and learning to love.
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#darkness, #angst, #romance, #slowburn, #obsession, #sexual tension, #passion, #desire, #violence, #emotional sex, #emotional rollercoaster, #love, #heartbreak, #heartache, #introspection, #inner dialogue, #inner conflict, #stream of consciousness, #emotional hurt/comfort, #psychological drama
Author's notes: Historical accuracy of anything seemingly historical in the story corresponds to that of the show itself :)
Pairing: Xena/Ares (F/M), Gabrielle/other female (F/F) Rating: M
Copyright disclaimer: The characters from the series Xena: Warrior Princess belong to the Renaissance Pictures.
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Dreams.
There were several of them, the ones she'd thought he sent, that he claimed he hadn't, the ones from before Amphipolis. And now, ever since coming to Rome, occasional new ones; glimpses of the night at his temple. Made her wake up out of breath, all of them. But the former raised her pulse way more; those she wished hadn't recurred. Those hurt the most.
In one of them Eve was a bit older, she was walking already. There was this old house, a bit like her grandparent's farm, but in town, not far from her mother's inn; there were kids running around, the neighbors' kids; and then it was dark and cold outside, and they were sitting by the fireplace; she turned to pick up more wood and, turning back, she saw Ares catching Eve right before she was about to run into the fire.
She stared at the scene, paralyzed; it took a while for her heart to start beating again.
"Whoa, she's fast," he raised his brows, sitting down on the nearby chair, adjusting the squealing girl in his lap. "It wouldn't be funny if I hadn't caught you, believe me," he said sternly, but the corners of his mouth went up when all he got in response was a wave of giggles.
"She's gonna give me a heart attack one day," she knelt down and threw several wood chunks into the fire.
"I told you, Xena, they should be put on a leash until they learn to stay away from things that kill them."
She walked up to him and reached out to run her fingers through his hair, stroking Eve's head with her other hand. "How about I put you on a leash first and we'll see how you like it, how about that?"
His eyes glimmered playfully. "What if I do like it?" he asked huskily, his hand going under her dress, roaming up the back of her thigh as he nuzzled her baby bump.
"I think I could live with that," she closed her eyes, a tingly wave flooding her stomach as she ran her fingers through his hair. Then, she thought that Gabrielle was coming back tomorrow, and that they would be visiting Cyrene for dinner, and that he was here, with her, making her feel like – and it all crumbled down on her so hard that she wanted to cry; because it wasn't possible for it to feel so good, life wasn't like that. Or maybe it was, at that moment. Maybe it could last for just a little while longer.
She looked down, her eyes seeking his, hand on his cheek. "I love you,"she whispered, her thumb tracing along his cheekbone, her vision blurrying.
"Because of the leash?" he tried to grin, but his eyes went serious, and cloudy with such emotion that her tears rolled down her face.
Or the one where she walked down the white marble corridor, turned left and entered a spacious, bright bedroom with a huge bed in the middle, where, buried between white bedsheets, he was spread on his back, sleeping. At first she stopped and stared, marveling at how it was possible that, despite all the bad blood between them, despite who he was, the sight of him made her feel so light and calm; like all that he'd broken, he somehow mended back together, stronger that it ever was.
She walked up and joined him in bed, propping herself on her elbow.
"Come back here," he muttered sleepily, reaching around her waist, squinting at her as she stroked his forehead.
"I'm pregnant."
His eyes snapped open, mouth parting; she ran her fingers from his temple down to his jaw, watching him bite his lower lip, his eyes going hazy as he grabbed her hand and pressed his mouth to her palm. "You know for sure?"
"I checked with Aphrodite."
Then, she felt his touch on her belly, gentle, examining; for some reason, it made her blink back tears; and she met his shimmering gaze, and her tears fell. "You're a dream come true," he whispered, gazing at her with that incredulous look in his eyes, sending a little tingle up her back. "You make me feel like I'm about to go insane…" he whispered against her mouth as he cupped her face, their lips and noses brushing.
With a shaky breath, she forced her eyes open and turned towards the window.
The sun was high up; noon already.
She should've already been in Octavius' office but she couldn't move, frozen in one of those moments when reality came crashing down on her head like a ton of bricks.
If someone had told her two months ago she would end up a military advisor for Rome, she might have thought twice about accepting Octavius' help.
At first she thought the job was just a formality — they had all agreed it was wise to make it seem there was a reason for her and Gabrielle's presence in the palace other than what only the three of them knew was harboring the fugitives that they were — and since it was only natural for the future ruler of Rome to surround himself with advisors, it was a perfect cover. And it gave them income, and something to do, so that they didn't go crazy in this place that, as much as she tried for it to be otherwise, she still hated with all of her heart — and the daily passing by the wax statues of Caesar in every atrium of the palace didn't help.
Surprisingly, she seemed to be the only one. Gabrielle was adapting quite well. She didn't seem unhappy at all, especially since Octavius started to show genuine interest in her comments on city housing and social issues. No wonder, though — it seemed like she'd been doing this all her life.
Seeing Gabrielle so happy helped, it did; to see that at least one of them settled in here. In fact, she'd never seen Gabrielle so excited about anything before, not since years ago when she applied to the bards' academy in Athens. It made the stay here a bit more bearable.
She let out a sigh. It was time to go.
This was definitely the longest she'd ever spent staring at her reflection. Not that she'd ever been the one to stare in the mirror, but right now, something kept her stuck there. She didn't know how long she was standing there; long enough to scan every inch of the intricate, golden leaves adorning the frame of the huge wall mirror in front of her. Laurel leaves; of course. The mirror was even topped off with the damn laurel crown. She grimaced, trying to erase the vision of Caesar's face flashing before her eyes.
Gods damn; no matter how much she adjusted her tunic, something still wasn't right. It hugged the breasts too tight.
Of course it didn't fit — she gained weight. And no wonder, with all the endless amount of food they were being fed daily. Compared to their diet here, their meals throughout all the years they spent on the road amounted close to nothing.
Well, it was time to do something about it. She'd never had a belly before.
Her hand roamed lower, below the navel, stroking around the subtle swell pensively.
Then, her heart stopped, a sudden wave of heat flooding her face.
She had forgotten to drink the herbs.
That morning in Amphipolis, with all the chaos, saying goodbye to her mother, barely conscious after the nightmare of the night with him, uncertain if he was going to help them get Celesta's tears, if he was going to keep his word and take them to Rome — and she was going to be in a coma for hours, in his care — she trusted him with his life — hers, Gabrielle's and Eve's — and she just forgot.
But he had kept his word. The whole show they'd orchestrated for the gods, the dramatic run, their chariot falling of the cliff, making it seem Gabrielle and Eve were killed, her fake suicide afterwards; it wouldn't have gone as flawlessly if it hadn't been for him.
And his face when she drank the vial and felt drowsiness weigh her eyelids down almost instantly; he caught her up in his arms right when her knees gave up, when, for those few seconds, it felt so real, like she was actually dying; the tearful look in his eyes, it was real. And haunted her ever since.
She let out a shaky breath, her hand pressing onto the swell of belly. His face when they stood outside Octavius' palace, when the gate opened and all she had time to say was a brief thank you, when they both blinked hard not to let their tears fall. The next long weeks spent longing for home, for Greece, exiled to the accursed Roman soil, away from everyone they knew. Away from him. She hated herself, every single day; for every look in the mirror when she saw him there behind her, for every night she tossed and turned in the sheets, wishing for him to come and stop her from going insane, for having to wipe her eyes every time she told herself he never would.
Like he said; he had to stay away if their location was to stay hidden from his family. It was just that, she'd somehow refused to think it was for good. She didn't think he could stay away for real; in fact, she'd half-expected him to show up on the next day the latest. Or a day after, or within a week, or two. Then, she struggled to stop. Stop waiting. Stop thinking. Stop having to pretend to Gabrielle that she was fine, that she was glad he was finally out of their lives for good. And stop that damn weakness he'd unlocked.
Though, that she never managed.
The lump in her throat grew until she felt the tears on her chin. When she closed her eyes, she could almost feel him there, nuzzling her hair, his chest against her back, hands roaming around her waist. It felt like it did in the dreams; when she found out she was with child, tears in his eyes when she told him.
She couldn't breathe.
"I wanted us to be a family… to take care of you and our child, to be the father I never had…"
A cold shiver ran down her arms, more tears falling. She couldn't breathe. Her chest, it hurt physically.
"Xena?"
The sight of Gabrielle was like a bucket of cold water.
She composed herself instantly, wiped her face, threw the hooded linen cloak over her shoulders, and headed towards the doorway.
"I'm fine."
"No, you're not." Gabrielle reached for the hems of the cloak and covered her chest where she only now realized her tunic was covered in tear-stains, very prominent on the bright yellow fabric. "What's wrong?" Gabrielle asked softly.
"Nothing — Gabrielle, we'll talk later, I'm late."
"For what?"
"I'm seeing Octavius."
It that at very moment that she decided to just call it work from now on, because the look on Gabrielle's face stirred her in a very unpleasant way; and it was hardly the first time. First it was Ares, now Octavius. Being jealous of Ares she understood — Gabrielle might have felt threatened — but Octavius?
Only that it was different this time. Gabrielle didn't feel threatened by Octavius.
She felt threatened by her, Xena.
It started to show after the bacchanalia; the way Gabrielle looked at him, the way she smiled at the sound of his name. But to be jealous of her, really? Because of what, a little drunk threesome they had at a party? With a kid who could almost be their son, for fuck's sake. It was so damn ridiculous that — even more so, since he was such a complete opposite of—
"Oh, a meeting… I see. You mean, the sword practice?"
"You damn well know what time it is and where I'm going. You do work for him, too, from what I recall," she said, clenching her jaw; this was getting frustrating. "Just say it, Gabrielle, and let's get this over with. Go on, say it. What, you think I'm sleeping with him behind your back?"
"I don't know, are you?"
"What?" she grimaced, taken aback.
"Are you?"
She scoffed, her brows going up, the absurdity of the question making her speechless. "If you fancy him that much, why don't you ask him yourself…" she spat and left without looking back.
From then on, the only thing they talked about was Eve. She wondered whether they would have talked at all if it hadn't been for Eve.
At times, she felt they wouldn't have.