Author's note: As my regular readers know, I have long made it a hobby to take passages I find on Harry Potter stories that have one crucial word misspelled or misused, and then write stories in which these malapropisms are taken literally. Now, we all know that such passages are not confined to the Harry Potter subcategory; hence, the present collection of crossover tales. As in the original "Minuets", the attributions may or may not be verifiable when you read this, since the authors in question may choose to correct their syntax, change their pen names, and/or delete their stories; still, you have my word that these passages have all really appeared in this subcategory.

A word about technique. Obviously, none of these vignettes actually reflect the intentions of the authors quoted, and in many cases the whole context of the passage has been radically altered. However, I have made it an ironclad rule that any pronoun will refer, if at all possible, to the same person or thing in the Minuet as in the original story, and any direct quote will be attributed to the same character. (And of course this applies to OCs and historical figures as well as to canon characters.) Also, you should perhaps be aware that, when you see an ellipsis like this . . . in a quote, it means that some part of the sentence, passage, or direct speech has been cut for the sake of brevity, whereas an ellipsis like this… represents an actual ellipsis included by the original writer; the distinction may, on occasion, be a crucial one.

Disclaimer: All stories quoted belong to the authors named; the cover image is by Filippo Baratti; the various crossover elements belong to all sorts of people. (Including, in the first chapter alone, Dan Brown, Carolyn Keene, Eric Kripke, John Landis, C. S. Lewis, Rob Liefeld, Nomura Tetsuya, Terry Pratchett, Stan Sakai, Bob Schooley and Mark McCorkle, Cordwainer Smith, Rebecca Sugar, and whoever actually came up with Azur Lane and Metro Exodus.) The Minuets themselves, however, are strictly my own work.

Other Minuets collections: If you enjoy these vignettes, please be advised that I have also published Minuet collections for the Animorphs, Avengers, Batman, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Harry Potter (of course), Lord of the Rings, Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir, NCIS, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Star Wars subcategories. All are currently available on my profile.

"The jacket had symbols of yellow shields, and in the center[s] of theses yellow shields were red crosses with a red arrow pointing to the center of [each] cross." –Sephilar, "Latufimarn"

"I don't understand," said Nancy Drew.

"Well, it's like this," said Robert Langdon. "Faber College, of course, was largely funded by the Instrumentality of Mankind, who were dead-set against anyone propagating religion through the multiverse. So members of the St. Jeffrey Terrel Confraternity had to use secret cues to indicate themselves to each other, and one of the things they came up with was to include color plates in the exact centers of their theses that featured coats of arms with a gold background. The idea was that, since the blazonings of such shields began with the word 'or', that implied that they could be something else besides what they seemed; in this image of a Rodney family mail-jacket, for instance, the suggestion would be supposed to be 'a cross potent gules indicated by an arrow of the same, or three eagles displayed purpure'."

"So Steven Universe was a closet multiversal evangelist during his college years?" said Nancy.

"Apparently," said Langdon. "Good for him; maybe there's hope for that franchise yet."

Nancy smiled quietly to herself; she could remember a time, not long before, when the discovery that someone had been helping to spread Christianity throughout the multiverse would have evoked a very different response from Langdon. Evidently his encounter with Aslan earlier that month really had changed some things.

"So [I] clicked on the ultra-ship Friedrich der Grobe." –Captain Saint 1st, "Reality Is (Not) Funny"

"If I may ask, ma'am," said Mr Bent, "where did you get your name?"

"From an Iron-Blood king of the past century," said Friedrich der Grobe. "Apparently he was under the impression that being the finest military commander of his age relieved him of the need to have any manners; he was notorious for going about blowing his nose noisily during church services and spitting on ladies' drawing-room floors. So he's gone down in history as Frederick the Disgusting – and serve him right, if you ask me."

Mr Bent frowned disapprovingly. "And the Iron Blood named their greatest battleship after such a man?"

"Well, he was the finest military commander of his age…"

"He looks down at the road with a simile on his face." –Lefty Pinman, "Until We Meet Again"

"Well, Riku?" says Kim Possible. "Does it jog any memories – of the car, or of the people in it, or anything like that?"

Riku studies the tire tracks in the muddy dirt road intently for a second or two, then shakes his head sadly. "No," he says. "I'm sorry, but I can't remember anything – just that I woke up under a tree about a mile down this road, with a splitting headache and a sting in my cheeks that I didn't understand until I saw my reflection in a rain puddle." His fingers, as he spoke, stole unconsciously up to his face, on which was tattooed, in bright green script, My heart is like a singing bird whose nest is in a watered shoot.

Kim sighs. "Typical," she mutters. "Well, don't worry, Riku. The Mad Similist has to slip up sooner or later; when he does, we'll get him."

"You weren't kidding when you said these woods were chalk full of fuglies, Bugs." –Sunny Lighter, "Turtle Loops"*

"Did you suppose that I was?" said Miyamoto Usagi sharply.

Dean Winchester shrugged. "Well, yeah, kind of," he said. "At least, I assumed it was some kind of inside joke or weird samurai metaphor. But no," he added, glancing around at the white, stiff, calcareous trees that surrounded him as far as the eye could see. "Apparently, you literally meant that the woods were chalk – and that that chalk –" (here he broke a branch off the nearest tree, and wrinkled his nose as insect-sized versions of mutant-humanoid monstrosities from post-apocalyptic Russia spilled out of it like bark beetles) "– is full of tiny fuglies."

"Yes."

Dean shook his head. "Strange place, the multiverse."

"How profound an observation," said Usagi dryly. "You should seek employment as a guru, Winchester-san."

*Crossover with Ninja Turtles.