Conjunction
10
Commissioned by Shurukka and Kenainath.
The bell signaling the end of the school day rang and Ranma sent his students a smile. "Alright, you're free to go. I'll see you all tomorrow."
The class filed out and he made his way to the locker room. After a quick shower to wash the sweat off, he changed into his normal clothes and made his way over to the main building. Heading upstairs, he found the teachers' lounge. Inside, Setsuna sat grading papers.
"Hey. You about done?"
"Just about," she murmured distractedly. Shifting a bit in her chair, she brought a hand up and absently rubbed at her neck. Moving around behind the older woman, Ranma put his hands on her shoulders and began to rub. Setsuna let out a quiet half-moan, half-sigh as he worked on her. "Is there any way I can convince you to do this for me at home?"
"Sure. How's a full body massage sound?"
"Nnf~. It sounds heavenly," she sighed, returning her focus to the papers before her.
"Want to go get dinner or something after you're done?" he asked, putting a bit of ki into the technique and starting to work on pressure points to aid in relaxation and improve the body's natural healing.
"I'd love to, but I can't," Setsuna said, sounding disappointed. "I have duties to attend to. I won't get home until after midnight, and that's if I leave shortly. I could start cutting back, but I'd still need to take care of them at least three times a week.
"Alright. Doing anything tomorrow?"
Setsuna shook her head. "Saturday evenings and Sunday are my days off. I'm free unless an emergency comes up."
"Alright. I have a thing Saturday at six. How about we do something after that?"
"Mm," Setsuna hummed, leaning back into Ranma's hands. To her surprise, he let go of her shoulders, only to reach up and grab her neck. Before she could protest, he pulled her head hard one way, then the other, popping seemingly every vertebra in her neck one after the other. She winced at the momentary pain, before her body went a bit limp as a low moan escaped her. "Oh god, can you do that to my back?"
Looking down into her red eyes, Ranma smirked. "Yep. And everything else. Ever had your arches popped?"
"No?" Setsuna shook her head.
"You'll like it. Saturday. I'll come by and pick you up at seven, maybe a little after if I run late. We'll go get something to eat, maybe go do something, then head back to your place and I'll give you a massage."
Narrowing her eyes, the senshi of Time asked, "Has Usagi decided to lift her embargo?"
"Heh. Not yet. But it's just a massage, so it's fine," he waved her concerns off.
"Alright. How fancy should I dress?"
"Casual. Super casual. I heard you like bowling."
Setsuna chuckled. "I do. The others have banned me from playing against them without a handicap."
"Oh yeah?" Ranma grinned. "So you're pretty good, huh?"
"You could say that. Does that intimidate you?"
"Nah. It might actually be interesting."
She considered him for a moment, before a smile pulled at her lips as her eyes narrowed. "We can make it more interesting. How about we add some stakes? Whoever wins can have whoever loses do whatever they want for a whole day."
"Slave for a day?" Ranma asked, and Setsuna nodded.
"Just so you know, if you lose, I'm going to have you make a twin, then dress you up as a maid and butler and wait on me hand and foot. You'll be massaging every part of my body, feeding me, and whatever else I can dream up—so long as it skirts the rules of Usagi's embargo."
"That's fine. I've done worse," Ranma shrugged.
Smiling as she stared up at him, Setsuna asked, "Any idea what you're going to have me do, if you win?"
"Hm. Well…" he considered for a moment, before a thought occurred and he grinned. "When Usagi found out I spent ten years on the road, away from TV and movies, she started making me watch what she said were essential—"
"Just what did she expose you to?" Setsuna sighed, rolling her eyes.
"Some American thing called Star Wars." Sending the woman a mischievous look, he said, "I liked that outfit they made Leia wear…"
The green haired woman blinked. "You want to dress me up as slave Leia?"
"Yup."
She giggled. "Just so you know, I bought one of those costumes for Halloween a few years back."
"Good, then we don't have to find one. And just so you know, I own my own maid and butler costumes."
Laughing, the woman smiled up at him. "Oh, this is going to be fun. It's been a long time since I've had someone who I could play games with." Forcing herself to sit up, Setsuna sighed. "Alright, I need to finish this and get going, if we're going to be able to do anything tomorrow."
"Sure," Ranma nodded. "See you tomorrow."
Bending down, he rested his hand on her jaw and turned Setsuna's face a bit, before kissing her. Setsuna let out a quiet whimper as their lips came together and her mouth opened, her tongue darting out to explore as Ranma's own mouth opened, teasing her tongue with his. And then, he pulled away with a grin, tossing a wave over his shoulder as he left her there, flushed and uncomfortably aroused.
"You, you jerk," Setsuna grumbled as she realized he'd done it intentionally. Frustration towards her blonde leader welled up and she made a mental note to get back at Usagi for this later. There was only so much teasing she could take before she broke, and it had been a long time for her…
Actually, I've never properly broken in this body since my last reincarnation, so I'm still a fucking virgin. Gonna strangle that brat!
Ranma chuckled as he left the school. He felt kind of bad about the teasing he was doing to Setsuna, but Usagi had been pretty insistent in her request that he frustrate the green haired woman to get back at Setsuna a bit for always messing with her. It was a harmless bit of teasing and sexual frustration, so he didn't feel too guilty.
And Usagi pretty much gave me the green light to stop teasing her when it looks like she's about to snap. I figure I'll get her good and worked up during that massage, then give her what she wants. That woman needs to relax.
He almost missed the entirely too familiar brush of ki and what felt like mana as he made his way to the school's exit. Almost. It was accompanied by an equally familiar voice demanding, "Where the hell am I now?"
Ranma winced. He considered his options in that split second as he spotted the large, familiar form of Ryoga turning around.
On the one hand, he really didn't want any of the craziness of Nerima intruding into his new life. He was done with that place and nearly everyone in it, and you couldn't pay him to go back. And if Ryoga ran his mouth—and Ryoga was an idiot, so even if he promised not to, he'd let something slip eventually—then it would only be a few hours before Ranma had Amazons and everything else breathing down his neck.
On the other hand… he kind of missed his friend and rival. Ryoga, once he stopped blaming Ranma for every damn problem in his life and got Akari as a girlfriend was actually a pretty decent guy. They'd never be close, but the pig boy was one of his very few male friends.
The decision was taken from him as Ryoga spotted him. "Saotome Ranma, prepare to—!" Ryoga paused, caught himself, and chuckled. "Heh. Force of habit. Is this where you've been? Everyone in Nerima has been looking for you."
Ranma sighed, shaking his head. "Alright. Come on. Let's go find somewhere quiet to talk."
The bandanna-clad man followed closely as Ranma led him to a nearby park. Spotting a phone booth, he said, "Stay here and don't go anywhere."
"I'm not going to get lost while you use the phone, Ranma," Ryoga grunted, and when Ranma sent him a skeptical look, sighed and unwrapped a length of rope from around his waist, tied to his belt, and handed the end to Ranma.
Taking the rope, Ranma walked into the phone booth and pulled out a few yen coins, before dialing Usagi's number. The phone rang twice before a boy picked up.
"Tsukino residence, Shingo speaking."
"Oh, hey. We've never been introduced. I'm Saotome Ranma, Usagi's boyfriend. Is she in?"
"Eh? So she actually dumped that creep Mamoru?" the boy on the other end asked.
"Yep. Listen, this is a pay phone, and I don't have much change, so…"
"Right, sorry!" Ranma heard him cover the phone and yell, "Usagi! It's your boyfriend! … Saotome, not Chiba!"
A moment later, Usagi took the phone, "Hey, Ranma! Sorry about Shingo. What's up?"
"I ran into a friend. You know that little park across from Hotaru and Usa's school? Think you could meet us there?"
"Sure! Wait, me or…?"
"Well, he's cursed like I was. Think you can break it without, you know?" Ranma asked.
Usagi hummed for a moment. "Probably. Doubt he'll be able to use that curse the way you can though, since I'm not gonna…"
Ranma chuckled. "Yeah, no. He wouldn't even if he could. It'll be fine."
"Alright then! I'll be there in a few!"
"Thanks. We'll be waiting." With that, he hung up and collected what little change the phone spat back out. Leaving the booth, he nodded to Ryoga. "Alright, someone's coming to meet us. Think you can not be an asshole or start a fight when she gets here?"
"Who do you think you're talking to, Saotome?" Ryoga demanded angrily. When Ranma only raised an eyebrow, the other man nodded. "I won't start anything."
"Alright," Ranma nodded, handing Ryoga the rope back. "Let's go find somewhere to sit down."
They found a shaded spot overlooking a small koi pond with a few benches. Ranma sat and, after taking off his heavy pack, Ryoga grabbed a second bench and dragged it across the path from Ranma before sitting. Crossing his arms, Ryoga demanded, "What the hell happened, Saotome?"
"Did you see the video?"
Ryoga's face pulled into a disgusted snarl and he looked away. "Yeah."
"That happened. Akane decided she'd rather marry Kuno. I came home and caught them having sex in our bed. It obviously wasn't the first time it'd happened."
Looking annoyed, Ryoga asked, "After everything that happened, you couldn't have tried to work things out?"
Ranma opened his mouth to tell the other man to fuck off, but caught himself. Instead, he said, "If you came home and caught Akari fucking Pantyhose Taro do you think you'd try to work things out?"
Ryoga winced. "I'd probably kill him."
Sending the pig boy a skeptical look, Ranma knew they both knew what would really happen. Given Ryoga's techniques, that would be prime shi-shi hokodan fuel. He wouldn't just take out Taro, but Akari and everything within a mile, if not more.
"It's not like you to just run away, Saotome."
"What other choice did I have? Sure, beating the shit out of Kuno would've felt really great at the time. But we both know Akane would have tried to step in the middle of that, and wouldn't have held back. I was a girl at the time, it'd be fine for me to kick her ass too. But that'd just piss off her entire family, and mine, and somehow I'd be the bad guy. Or, say I just left and went straight to Nerima with the evidence. It wouldn't have mattered. Tendo, pops, and mom all tried to convince me to take Akane back, even with Akane herself coming out and admitting that she did it, didn't regret it at all, and wanted to end the engagement. They would have tried to move the engagement over to Nabiki or Kasumi, but Kasumi went and eloped with Tofu to keep that from happening and, last I heard, Nabiki ran off to America to some college in California—probably because she knew she'd be next if she stayed. I satisfied honor on my part. I was going to marry Akane. I did everything I needed to do. She's the one who decided she didn't want it. She broke it off in the worst way possible, but that's on her. Not me. I may not smell like roses here, but this is as free and clear as it gets."
Ryoga sighed, but eventually nodded. "Alright. I guess you're right." Turning a glare on Ranma, he said, "I spoke with your mother. She's worried about you. You should at least call her."
Ranma made a frustrated noise. "She tried to convince me to take Akane back."
Ryoga glared. "She's your mother. I haven't seen mine since I was ten! And here you are, running away from yours because you had an argument!"
Glaring right back, Ranma's fists clenched at his side. They could both feel the tension building in the air. Things were about to get real ugly, real fast, if one of them didn't back down. "She tried to side with Akane against me!"
"No, dumbass! She tried to do what was best for your family! She may have been wrong, but she was trying to help you!"
The ki and anger in the air abruptly popped like someone had stuck a pin in it, as both of them felt a massive magical signature appear nearby. Ryoga looked confused, while Ranma just sighed. It powered down to just barely detectable and, a few moments later, Usagi pushed her way through the brush and onto the trail they were on.
"There you are!" Usagi smiled as she moved over to Ranma. "Not interrupting, am I?"
Ryoga and Ranma exchanged a look and the pigtailed boy shook his head. "No, you came at a good time. Ryoga, this is Tsukino Usagi. Usagi, Hibiki Ryoga," Ranma made the introductions.
Usagi frowned slightly, even as she bowed politely. Ryoga sent a curious look at Ranma. "Who's she?"
"My girlfriend."/"His girlfriend."
Usagi turned a happy smile on Ranma as she giggled and dropped into the seat beside him. Ryoga looked poleaxed. "You got a girlfriend."
"It's complicated," Ranma muttered. Looking to Usagi, he asked, "So, what do you think?"
The blonde stood and moved over to Ryoga, holding her hand out over him as the man looked very confused. Humming, Usagi considered for a moment. "He is super cursed! Like, how does somebody get this many curses cursed."
"You told her?!"
"Don't yell!" Usagi yelled back, making the man on the bench flinch. "He didn't have to tell me. I can sense it. You've got a Jusenkyo curse, half a dozen minor curses affecting things like misfortune and timing, and one big, nasty bloodline curse. I think it… makes you get lost. Teleport out of a phone booth into the Sahara, lost."
"…That's happened," Ryoga muttered.
Moving back to Ranma's side, Usagi nodded. "I can break them."
"You what?!" Ryoga demanded, careful of his volume this time. Looking to Ranma, he asked, "You're sure this isn't some kind of scam?"
"No scam. She cured my curse too. A bit different from what you're gonna get."
"Different how?" Ryoga frowned.
Ranma shrugged and shifted from male to female form and back. "I can control it now. She's just going to completely remove it for you."
Ryoga's mouth fell open. "You would do that for me?"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "You think that if I found a cure I wouldn't share it? What kinda asshole do you think I am?"
"What do I have to do?" Ryoga asked, looking to Usagi with desperation in his eyes.
Usagi smiled. "Not much. Just one, tiny little thing."
"Anything!"
The blonde's smile grew a bit sharp. "Great. I want you to apologize."
"Huh? Sure! I'm sorry for yelling—"
"No, no! Not to me," Usagi shook her head. "I'm not the one you owe an apology to."
Ryoga blinked, before looking to Ranma, who shrugged. "I didn't put her up to it."
"You didn't have to," Usagi shook her head. "He was a jerk to you. A jackass."
"It, that. He was—"
"No." Usagi's voice was quiet, but firm as she fixed Ryoga with a stern look. "All of the problems between you and Ranma come from your curses, not from Ranma, but you blamed him for everything. Which only made it worse, when you chased after him and got yourself cursed again at Jusenkyo."
"But the bread—!"
"Oh my god! You were ten! It was just bread! Ranma was hungry too! Are you a child?! Get over it!" Ryoga flinched, a noise escaping his throat like a scolded dog. "I swear, it's like dealing with my little brother when he does something stupid. You know what you did was wrong, now apologize for it!"
Ryoga groaned, hanging his head. After a few moments, he sighed and looked up, meeting Ranma's eyes. "Saotome… Ranma. I'm sorry. I was… a dick."
"Alright," Ranma shrugged, then winced as Usagi elbowed him. "What?!"
"Apologize for antagonizing."
"What? But—!"
Usagi sent him a knowing look. "You know you did."
Grumbling quietly as Ryoga smirked silently across from him, Ranma forced out, "Sorry Ryoga."
The blonde considered them for a moment before nodding. "Okay. No more fighting! Got it?"
""Got it,"" they both muttered.
Standing with a smile, Usagi moved over to Ryoga and held her hand out over his head. "Here goes!"
The blonde began glowing with white light as they both felt her mana well up. Ryoga rocked back on the bench as if he'd been punched all over and Usagi frowned. "That got the Jusenkyo curse and all the minor stuff, but that bloodline curse is stronger. Let me just…"
"Wait, wait, wait—!" Ryoga panicked as the princess lit up like a second sun. A moment later, he was crushed into and through the bench as it collapsed around him, driving Ryoga into the ground. The light show cut off like someone had thrown a switch. Ryoga lay there twitching, his body and clothes faintly smoking.
"All done!" Usagi chirped, before bouncing over to Ranma and seating herself in his lap.
Eventually, Ryoga forced himself to sit up. He looked around wide-eyed, as though just seeing the world for the first time. "I… feel kind of lost?"
"How did you feel before?" Usagi asked, and the boy frowned.
"Like I knew where I was going."
"So you felt sure of your direction, but always lost. And now you feel lost, but that's only because that feeling of knowing where you were is gone," the blonde concluded.
"Gonna have to learn how to read a map and navigate normally," Ranma pointed out, and Ryoga nodded.
The bandanna-clad boy frowned, then. "Uh… I uh, I don't know how to get home from here."
Ranma sighed, before reaching up and giving Usagi's hips a squeeze. "I should take him back to Nerima."
"I'll come with you!" Usagi grinned.
"You can stop and see your mom while we're there," Ryoga reminded, and Ranma winced.
"I'd rather not—"
"No, no. We definitely should," Usagi grinned. "Actually, I have an idea. Let's go pick up Michiru. She has a car. We can all go together."
Ranma leaned around to the side, so he could look Usagi in the eye. "I've told you what she's like. And if we go there, we're pretty much throwing the floodgates open for all the other craziness that comes with Nerima. They'll start coming after me again and you'll get caught up in it—"
Usagi smiled, reaching up and laying a finger against his lips. "We'll be fine~!"
With that, the blonde bounced up out of his lap and turned around, grabbing both of Ranma's hands in her own and pulling him to his feet. "Let's go. I want to meet your mom."
Ranma sent her a skeptical look, but nodded. "Alright. Remember though, I warned you."
"I'll remember," Usagi rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out.
Ryoga gathered himself and managed to get to his feet, before grabbing his pack. "I guess I'll just… follow you," he shrugged as they left the park. "So, how'd you two meet?"
"Hehehe~! That's a secret~," Usagi giggled.
Ryoga looked to Ranma, who shrugged. "A friend introduced us. It's complicated."
"Seems like everything's complicated with you lately."
Ranma blew out a breath and nodded. "Tell me about it. So, how have you and Akari been?"
"We're good," Ryoga nodded. Hesitantly, he said, "We're getting married soon. You uh, you want to come?"
"Sure," Ranma nodded.
"Well, then it's a good thing you called me. This way, your children won't be cursed," Usagi smiled.
Ryoga blinked, before his mouth fell open. "That… yeah. Yeah! Haha! That's great news! Akari's gonna love hearing it."
Still grinning like a loon as they left the park, Ryoga asked, "So, how serious is it with you two?"
Usagi pressed herself into Ranma's side and grinned. "I'm pregnant."
Ryoga stumbled and fell flat on his face, crushed under his pack. After a moment, he managed to pick himself up and stared at Ranma, his expression silently asking if they were just yanking his chain. Ranma nodded. "It's true. And uh, Michiru too."
Ryoga's gaze shifted between the happily nodding and smiling Usagi and sheepish Ranma. "You've got two girlfriends?"
Ranma winced and Usagi laughed. "Nope! He's got," she paused, then began counting on her fingers, "five so far."
"Five." Ryoga's face could have been carved from stone. "So far."
"So far! We're working on the other five."
"It's not what it sounds like," Ranma tried. "I'm not a womanizer—"
"No. Of course you're not," Ryoga laid the sarcasm on thick.
"Actually, no, he's not," Usagi stepped in, chuckling. "It's my fault. Well, partly. Mine, and Hotaru's, but it was my idea first, so…" Usagi shrugged. "Basically, I have several female friends and we're all very close."
Ryoga sent her a skeptical look. "You'd have to be…"
Usagi wagged her eyebrows. "Really, really close."
"Oh."
"Yeeeah," the blonde giggled. "So, since we were all kind of having boy troubles and getting tired of it, I came up with the idea of finding a good one to share. Everyone agreed to it, but I think a few of them thought it was a joke. And then I proved them wrong, so now we're all trying this whole thing together."
Ryoga studied Ranma for a few moments before shaking his head. "I want to blame you." Ranma winced and nodded. "But… You never did actually go after any of the girls throwing themselves at you in Nerima, and you tried to do the right thing by marrying Akane."
"You have no idea how much of a pain in the ass that was."
"Well, this isn't Nerima, and we're going to work together instead of fighting each other, so it'll be fine~!" Usagi waved Ranma's concerns off.
Looking around, Ryoga frowned and asked, "How much further is it? It doesn't usually take me this long to get somewhere, even if it's not where I want to be. It's like the streets are all miles and miles long and places are way further apart than I thought."
"Because they are," Ranma sent Ryoga an incredulous look. "How far do you think China is from Japan?"
"About a day's travel, if I go through Australia. Two days if I detour through France, but they've got good food, so I like stopping there."
"Through Australia to get to…!" Usagi looked confused. "I'm no geologist, but even I know those are in completely opposite directions! One of them is in the southern hemisphere!"
"Don't bother trying to understand it," Ranma sighed. "Look, it's gonna take a while. Just relax and learn how to walk like a normal person."
"…I think I hate it already."
"This is the place?" Michiru asked as she slowed down.
"Yeah," Ranma nodded, and the teal haired woman pulled up and parked on the curb. "Remember, don't get swept up in the crazy. Don't agree to anything. Don't sign anything.If someone tries to fight, tell them you're not a martial artist. If a tiny old man jumps on you, don't scream, it'll just encourage him. I'll deal with it."
Michiru met Usagi's eyes in the passenger seat. "Is all of this really necessary?"
"It's funny though," Usagi chuckled. "He's hyped it up a lot, so I'm going into it like I'm walking into a circus."
"This ain't Barnum and Bailey's. They didn't invite the audience to join the show," Ranma grumbled as they climbed out.
The pigtailed martial artist led the way through the gate and up to his mother's house. He paused on the threshold, before ringing the doorbell.
"Coming!" his mother called from inside and, a moment later, the door opened to reveal the auburn haired form of Saotome Nodoka. Her eyes went wide as she saw Ranma. "Ranma!"
"Hi, mom—oof!" Ranma had to catch his mother as the woman lunged out of the door and wrapped him in a hug. He returned the hug a bit awkwardly.
"You came back!" Nodoka cried, squeezing Ranma tightly enough that he felt something pop.
"Yeah. Can we come in?" he asked, and Nodoka pulled away, looking over his shoulder at Usagi and Michiru.
The woman looked them over for a moment before nodding. "Of course. Please, come in," she said, and led them inside.
As they walked through the entry, Usagi paused as she spied something interesting. Picking up a framed picture, she showed it to Michiru.
"Cute," Michiru smiled, and Usagi put it back where she'd gotten it.
"Husband, Soun, Ranma's come home!" Nodoka announced as she led them into the living room, where two older men were playing shogi and drinking beer.
Ranma frowned as he took them in. Genma looked just as Ranma had last seen him. Soun, however, looked a little worse for wear—more of his hair and mustache having gone to gray.
"Boy," Genma grunted, his eyes straying over to Usagi and Michiru for a moment before dismissing them. "You made your mother worry."
"Welcome home Ranma! I'll call Nabiki and have her on a return flight this afternoon, and we can have the wedding tomorrow!" Soun cheered.
"Ain't gonna be no wedding," Ranma growled. "Get that outta your heads. No weddings. No dumb plans. You try anything, and I do mean anything, you'll be eating through a straw for the rest of your days."
"But son—"
"No," Ranma shook his head. "That ain't why I came here. If you want me to leave, I can go right back out that door."
"Please don't," Nodoka begged, before turning a menacing look on her husband and their house guest. "Behave yourselves, or else."
Both older men flinched, and Nodoka turned back to their guests. "So, who are your friends?"
Usagi stepped forward and hugged Nodoka with a beaming smile. "I'm Tsukino Usagi. I go to school with Ranma."
"O-oh, it's, ah, nice to meet you, dear," Nodoka awkwardly returned the hug.
Usagi let go and Michiru bowed, more formal than her blonde leader. "Kaiou Michiru. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Nodoka returned the bow. "Saotome Nodoka. These are my husband Genma and our friend Tendo Soun. If you'll excuse me a moment, I'll go make some tea."
"Sure," Ranma nodded and the trio sat down on one of the living room couches.
"Boy, where have you been hiding?" Genma demanded as Nodoka left the room.
"Not hiding, pops. Goin' to school. Transferred schools so I wouldn't have to deal with Akane. The one I'm in now has a good teaching program."
Genma nodded. "So, you're still planning to open a dojo?"
Ranma noted the hopeful tone and grinned. "Maybe. If I do, it'll only be for a few students. Nothing like you're thinking."
"But what about joining the schools?" Soun asked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He got one up to his mouth before everything in front of the filter fell into his lap.
"No smoking in the house," Ranma warned, knowing his mom hated it, and not liking it himself. "We'll get to that in a minute. I don't wanna have to repeat myself."
"What are you going to do, if not teach the art?"
Ranma shrugged at his father's question. "Turns out, after having to put the Tendo home and dojo back together again after so many fights, I got good at construction. I'm getting all of my certifications for everything needed to start my own business building homes. It pays more than teaching, and it's fast and easy."
Genma considered for a moment, before muttering, "The place could use a few repairs…"
Eventually, Nodoka returned with a tea setting and snacks, and Genma and Soun joined her on the couch opposite Ranma, Usagi, and Michiru. "So…" Nodoka began as she began serving, "If you aren't here about marrying Nabiki…?"
Ranma heard the expectation in her voice and shut that down immediately. "Not interested."
"Then is it about Akane? Have you finally found it within yourself to forgive her and carry on with the wedding?"
Soun looked hopeful, but Genma frowned, looking doubtful. "Nodoka," Genma began, "I don't think it's that simple—"
Nodoka slowly turned her head to look at her husband. "Tell me, husband. In all your years on the road with Ranma, were you completely faithful to our marriage? Or did you seek the comfort of other women?"
"Erm…"
"Listen. Just because pop ain't got a leg to stand on here don't mean he's wrong. There ain't no fixing that."
"But son," Soun tried, "surely you can forgive a little indiscretion. You can win her back—"
"Hah!" Ranma laughed. He opened his mouth, only to close it as Usagi rested a hand on his thigh. Glancing at the smiling blonde, he bit back on what he'd wanted to say—that Akane wasn't a prize and he wasn't willing to try. Instead, he went with, "She don't want anything to do with me and the feeling's mutual. We're done. It's over. Give it up. She cheated and if you bully her into dumping Kuno and I do take her back, do you think she's gonna love and respect me?"
"I'm sure you can work it out and you'll both heal with time. You've been through too much to simply give it all up."
"She's the one that gave it up," Ranma shook his head. "I did my part. I fixed all the mistakes someone," he glared at Genma, "made, engaging me to other girls. I was faithful to Akane. I got engaged to her. She's the one who stepped out. I upheld my own honor. I'm about as clean as I can be here. This is all on her. Akane doesn't want to do it. Kasumi married Tofu. And Nabiki's out of the country."
And good riddance, he didn't add, but wanted to.
Nodoka coughed politely, drawing Ranma's attention. "Ranma, could we speak privately for a moment?"
"Whatever you got to say, you can say it in front of everyone."
Nodoka hemmed, glancing at the girls beside him. "Are you sure? It's rather personal."
Ranma shook his head. "It's fine."
"Very well," Nodoka nodded. "I spoke with Akane, after." Frowning, she sent her son a stern look. "You shouldn't have aired your dirty laundry like that, by the way. There was no need—"
"There was a need," Ranma countered. "I needed to make it clear to everyone what happened, so no one could say I was to blame for this."
"But my son, you are."
Ranma blinked. "'scuse me?"
"I didn't want to say this in front of everyone, but," Nodoka hesitated. "Akane spoke of… performance issues, shall we say? She intimated that the reason she sought out another man was because you weren't performing your husbandly duties properly. But it's okay! Just like martial arts, this is something you can train and become a man among men at as well."
Ranma felt his mouth fall open. Across from him, Soun and Genma looked uncomfortable. Just to make sure he wasn't imagining things, he looked first to Usagi, then Michiru, who both looked as confused as he did. Finally, he said, "Hang on. You think she cheated because I'm a quick shot or something?"
Nodoka winced, then nodded. "She said your sex life was unsatisfactory…"
Ranma palmed his face, while Usagi giggled. Nodoka sent the blonde a stern look. "Young lady, it's impolite to laugh at a man for something he has difficulty controlling at the best of times."
Usagi laughed harder and Michiru sighed. "Mrs. Saotome, she's not laughing at Ranma."
"Oh? What's so amusing, then?" Nodoka asked archly.
"She, she thinks, hehehehe~!" Usagi had to stop to breathe, before continuing, "She thinks you're… pfft bahahahaha!"
"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up," Ranma rolled his eyes. "Look, mom. I ain't got any problems when it comes to 'marital arts.'"
"Now son, it's perfectly normal for a young man your age—"
"No, Mrs. Saotome," Michiru cut in. "You don't understand. I assure you, Ranma has no problems satisfying a woman, sexually."
"You… you're certain?" Nodoka raised an eyebrow.
"I'm—"
"You shut up! Don't spoil this for me!" Usagi yelled, glaring across Ranma at Michiru, who rolled her eyes and fell silent.
Nodoka, Soun, and Genma all shared confused looks. "Ms. Tsukino—"
"No, no!" Usagi shook her head, smiling. "Please, call me Usagi, mother. I insist!"
"Usagi—" Nodoka paused, blinking. "You said…"
The blonde nodded. "It's nice to finally meet you, mother, father."
"Likewise," Michiru added.
"Boy, what's going on here?" Genma demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring across the coffee table at Ranma.
"Husband, hush," Nodoka shushed Genma, before looking between Michiru and Usagi. "You're engaged?"
"Well, it's not official," Michiru began, only for Usagi to cut her off.
"We're pregnant."
Soun choked on the cookie he had been eating. Genma dropped his teacup in his lap, thankfully though the liquid wasn't cool enough to trigger his transformation into a panda. Nodoka… was frozen in place, like a statue.
"Michiru and I are," Usagi continued. "So, I'm hoping to get married in a few months. All three of us! Plus all of our friends. There are ten of us."
"Ten," Genma repeated absently.
"But, but, schools," Soun muttered.
Nodoka drew a breath. "My son is so manly~!"
Usagi leered at the whispered words. "Oh yeah. You have no idea. Even with four of us working together, he still outlasts us."
"So either his ex-fiancee lied, or someone misunderstood something," Michiru supplied.
"She didn't lie," Ranma murmured, his eyes closed in thought. "I remember her complaining to Kuno about it. Akane is one of those 'one and done' kind of people. She wanted to go once, have it take maybe ten minutes, and that's it."
"Don't talk about my baby girl like that!" Soun roared, only for Ranma to pin him in place with a glare.
"Why not? It's true. Actually, hell, it may be on the tape. I've got one somewhere if you want to go back over it," Ranma shrugged.
Nodoka winced, actually blushing. "Oh. Oh dear," she sighed. "I misunderstood. She never said exactly what the problem was, only that she wasn't satisfied. You're saying that it's actually…"
"Completely the opposite," Michiru nodded.
"She couldn't satisfy him," Usagi giggled.
Bowing her head where she sat, Nodoka sighed. "Son, I apologize. I made a grave mistake. I didn't realize she wasn't worthy of you."
"Wha-what?! Nodoka, that's my Akane—!"
"Who is an absolute failure of a woman," Nodoka cut him off. "I've met your daughters, Soun. Akane is the least of them. You should have engaged Ranma to Kasumi yourself. She is the best of the three. A womanly beauty, demure, kind. If you had, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Nabiki's body is very womanly, but her personality is rotten. I remember her being such a sweet little girl, too. Akane has a classical beauty, but she needed to mature and grow out of childish behavior—behavior you allowed to flourish, through neglect."
Nodoka paused, considering for a moment, before she smiled. "Or perhaps my son is simply too manly for one woman."
"It's that one," Usagi giggled.
"But what about the schools?"
Ranma sighed. "Mr. Tendo, listen. If this is about the art, there ain't two schools to join. Kasumi and Nabiki never practiced and all Akane was good at was breaking bricks and complaining about people being better than her. I'm saying this as master of the art myself. She was half trained at best."
"That, well," Soun murmured, "I didn't have the heart to continue their training."
"Soun," Genma sighed. "Everyone knows why you stopped the art. It's understandable. But the boy's right. As a martial artist, Akane was a failure. The boy tried to help her. I tried. She never took to it. Never tried to do better. You can't teach someone who doesn't want to learn, or who spits on your art because they think it's cheating."
"The only way to join the schools through the art at this point is if you teach me," Ranma finished his point.
"I can't."
"Then they won't be joined," Ranma shrugged. "I tried. As for the families joining, I can't help you there. I tried that, too, and we saw what happened."
Soun considered for a moment, before turning his eyes on Usagi and Michiru. "You said you're both with child. Kasumi is pregnant as well. Perhaps—"
Ranma moved, clearing the table and grabbing Soun by the hair. Soun thrashed and kicked as Ranma dragged him outside by the hair. "Son, what are you doing?!"
"Boy?!" Genma started to stand, but Ranma turned and glared, then shifted into Ranma-chan.
"Usagi can cure the curse. Sit down, shut up, and let me handle this or you're not getting it," she promised, before shifting back to male form and continuing to drag Soun outside.
Looking afraid now, Soun said, "Genma, I think your son means to hurt me. You have to help me, old friend! We need to convince him to join the schools through our grandchildren!"
Genma slowly turned from Soun to look at Usagi, who picked up a cookie and began nibbling on it. "It's true. I cured Ryoga's curses before we came over. I fixed Ranma's a few weeks ago."
"Genma! Help!"
Genma grabbed a glass of water off the table and splashed himself with it, before holding up a sign proclaiming, 'I'm just a panda!'
"Genma, no!"
"Mr. Tendo, let's talk," Ranma opened the door and dragged him outside, closing it behind them. "So, about my kids…"
The others listened as howls of pain and the meaty thump of fists and feet beating a man sounded from outside. Michiru awkwardly picked up her teacup and took a sip. "This is good tea, Mrs. Saotome."
"Thank you, dear. Please though, call me mother! Or Nodoka, if you must. We're going to be a family, after all." Looking at the two girls on the couch across from her, she asked, "So, Usagi, what are your plans for the future?"
"Hmm," the blonde hummed, before smiling. "I'm looking to get into politics, eventually."
"And what about you, Michiru?"
"I'm a successful violinist, concert performer, and artist. I've been investing the money I've made in the stock market and am expecting some nice returns," Michiru explained.
Nodoka frowned slightly. "You're not planning to put your careers ahead of being mothers, are you?"
"Nope!" Usagi giggled. "That's what minions are for!"
"We prefer 'underlings.' But you may as well just say what you really mean and call us 'slaves,' your highness," Michiru snarked.
"Uehehe~!"
Michiru rolled her eyes. "My career, such as it is, is pretty laid back. Not very demanding. Usagi's may be, once she actually starts working on it, but we're not in any kind of hurry. I wouldn't say I'm going to be a housewife, but… I don't see any reason to work myself to death when I can let my money work for me."
"We've got plenty of time," Usagi shrugged.
"I see." Smiling, Nodoka asked, "How many children were you thinking of having?"
"Not really sure. I'm torn between saying as many as nature and magic allows and waiting until after the first one to make a decision."
Michiru thought about it for a moment before smiling. There was a bit of a sharp edge to it, Nodoka noticed. "I think I wouldn't mind one every now and then… Whatever happens, happens."
A look passed between the two younger women and Nodoka wanted to ask if something was wrong, but Genma changed back to his human form and interrupted before she could. "So you know about magic and all this stuff, then?"
"You could say that," Michiru chuckled. "All of our closest friends are aware and capable of using magic."
Ranma chose that moment to drag a bleeding, broken lump of misshapen flesh back into the living room. Genma and Nodoka looked worried at Soun's conscious and moaning form.
Usagi sighed and stood up as Ranma pushed Soun onto the couch beside Nodoka. Holding her hand over the man, his wounds quickly closed over, joints popped as they reset, and broken bones shifted back into place. After only a moment of this, Soun was left whole and healed. Ranma grabbed Usagi around the waist and pulled her into his lap as he sat back down across from his parents and Soun.
"So. What was that about joining the schools?"
"Nothing!" Soun yelped. "It can't be done! I'm sorry, Saotome, but young Ranma has done everything in his power to satisfy honor here. Let's just let the matter drop."
Nodding, Ranma asked, "Hey, you know, it occurs to me that I've got two kids on the way and I heard Kasumi is having a kid soon too. Akane might even get knocked up soon. How about we have my kids and their kids get married?"
"No, no, no!" Soun shook his head, going white as a sheet. "No, son, it's okay! Let's just, let's give the children a chance to be themselves. If something happens, it can happen naturally. If not, then that's fine too."
"Soun… what did the boy do to you?"
"Nothing Saotome!" Soun denied, cringing where he sat.
"Are you sure?" Nodoka asked, concerned for their mutual friend. "I heard such a ruckus outside…"
"Positive, Nodoka! Nothing untoward at all happened! I merely fell. Young Ranma helped me up, and I lost my balance and fell again, into a tree. Several times. I think it's time I stop drinking during the day. I'm getting too old for that sort of thing and my health can't take another accident."
"If you're sure, Soun?"
The man nodded frantically. "Certain!"
"Alright, pops. You ready to get cured?"
Genma nodded his head. "I've been ready."
"Usagi, would you please?" Ranma asked, and the blonde nodded.
"Of course!" Turning a smile on Genma, she said, "Just one little thing, first."
Genma's expression soured. "Is it money? Because I don't have—"
"Oh, no. Not money. This won't cost you anything," Usagi promised. "I just want the same thing from you that I asked from Ryoga."
"What's that?" the balding martial artist asked warily.
"An apology."
Genma looked confused. "What for?"
Usagi chuckled. "Well, you see, my mom has this thing where, if me or my brother have done something wrong, she makes us actually admit to what we've done, and then apologize. That way, we know what we're apologizing for."
"I don't have anything to apologize for," the man shrugged.
"No? Nothing comes to mind?" Usagi asked.
Genma shook his head and Michiru frowned. "How about trying to train your son in a dangerous technique by wrapping him in fish paste and throwing him into a pit full of starving cats?"
"The life of a martial artist is fraught with peril."
"Did you or did you not fully read the technique and the warnings that came with it?"
Genma shrugged. "Some mistakes were made, but the boy came through stronger for it."
This time, it was Usagi who asked, "What about engaging your son to multiple women, essentially selling him off for food, money, and whatever else?"
"I did what had to be done," the man countered unrepentantly.
Usagi exchanged a look with Michiru as they both realized they were arguing with a brick wall at this point. The blonde looked to Ranma, who shrugged. "It's your call."
The princess nodded. "Alright. No cure then."
"WHAT?!" Genma roared. "Boy! Tell her to—"
"Shut up, pop," Ranma cut Genma off. "I can't make her do anything. If she doesn't want to, I'm not gonna try to change her mind." Grinning, Ranma added, "I did the honorable thing. I found a cure to the curse you got us both. I brought her here to cure you. And now that she's tellin' you the price, you don't wanna pay. Too bad for you, this ain't somethin' you can just steal and run off with. My conscience is clean. Sucks to be you though."
"Now, Usagi," Nodoka started, only to be cut off.
"I've been getting lessons from a friend in how to negotiate."
The auburn haired woman blinked. "Pardon?"
"Set-chan has the most experience out of any of us."
"That's an understatement," Michiru muttered, earning a quiet giggle from Usagi and a nod.
Continuing, Usagi explained, "She says the key to negotiations is learning what the other side wants, or needs, and then withholding that thing until they give you what you want. You want grandchildren, and everything that comes with it."
"Well, yes," Nodoka agreed, warily.
"Do you want to see your grandchildren?" the blonde asked, metaphorically laying her cards out on the table. "Do you want to spend time with them, after they're born? Do you want them to know their other grandmother?"
Nodoka sat up a bit straighter. "Young lady, do not try to threaten me with something you aren't willing, or able, to follow through on. Ranma would obviously—"
"No Ranma wouldn't," Ranma cut in. "Turns out, I did learn something from Akane, mom. You stand with the person you're with. Even if that means goin' against family, or the world itself. So if she says no, it's no."
"No here, too," Michiru added. "I'll be fine explaining to my child that they can't see their grandmother, because she's the sort of crazy person who might make them sign a seppuku contract at the age of four then attempt to execute it a few years later, and not acknowledge that there's something deeply wrong with this."
"So yeah! For you," Usagi pointed at Genma. "One apology, one cure. And for you," she pointed to Nodoka, "one apology, or you're cut off." Turning to Ranma, she said, "Can we go home now? I could really go for some of those 'husbandly duties,' hehehe~!"
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind an hour or four of nonstop, mind-blowing sex," Michiru smirked.
Ranma made to open his mouth, only to frown and look around. "That shoulda brought the old lech running. Where is he?"
Genma and Soun both winced, looking around. ""Shh!"" they both shushed him, before Soun continued, "Quiet, Ranma, or you might summon him."
"He disappeared a few weeks ago and we haven't seen him since. He could just be on a training trip…"
Ranma shook his head. "Nah. He's up to somethin."
Genma and Soun both sighed. ""Probably.""
"Boy. Son. Are you really going to just leave your old man like this?"
Ranma shrugged as he stood and helped Michiru and Usagi to their feet. "Nope. You are. It's all on you, pop. Only you can help yourself, and there's only one way to do it. And don't go tryin' to pull any bullshit! She'll know if you're lying."
"Mm!" Usagi nodded. "I can tell."
Nodoka got up to follow them as they left. "Where can I reach you?"
Ranma grabbed a pen and note pad from beside the phone and scribbled down his phone number. "Here. Don't try to come after me and don't give this out. I don't need every loon in Nerima bangin' down my door."
"Ranma, can't you please see reason? There's no need for all of this—"
Turning a stern look on his mother, Ranma said, "What you did wasn't right. I know that now. You abused my honor and that stupid contract any time you felt like it. I'm willing to let it go if you're willing to admit it was a mistake and make up for it."
"Nng," Nodoka made a quiet, frustrated sound as she glared back at her son. "Ranma, you're being unreasonable. You can't just use family against me—"
"Why not? You did," he pointed out. "Or is this one of those things where it's okay if you do it to me, but it's not okay if someone else uses it against you?"
Usagi grabbed Ranma by the belt and pulled him towards the door, turning a smile and a wave on Nodoka. "You've got a few months to make up your mind, if you want to make the first birth. If you don't by then, we'll assume you aren't ever going to. Hope to see you then~!"
Michiru bowed as she followed the others out. "We hope to hear your decision soon."
Soon enough, the trio were in Michiru's car and driving back towards Michiru's home. Usagi grinned from the passenger seat. "I think that went well!"
Ranma considered for a moment, before nodding. "No fights. No explosions. No groping. No fiancees…" He frowned and shook his head. "Too well. Can this thing go any faster?"
Michiru chuckled. "You don't seriously expect—"
The rear driver's side window smashed open, sending chunks of safety glass spinning through the car. A dark-clad figure flew through the rear window and the car filled with smoke as several smoke bombs went off inside.
"I told you so!" Ranma yelled, over the sound of brakes screeching and the girls screaming.
And over it all, there was a familiar sound of laughter. "Ohohoho~!"
Ranma cleared the smoke, wrapped up and being carried in a ribbon by the leotard wearing form of Kuno Kodachi, the Black Rose. "Ah, my dear, darling Ranma! I've found you again, after all these long years! Worry not, for I have liberated you from the clutches of those harlots!"
The pigtailed martial artist sighed and flexed, snapping the steel wire impregnated ribbon and dropping to the ground. "Nope."
Kodachi used a second ribbon to swing back around using a light pole, landing in front of Ranma. "No? No what, exactly, my prince?"
"This. All of this. I'm not back, Kodachi. Look, I ain't interested. I've got a girlfriend. More than one, and two kids on the way. The days of playing these stupid games are over. Go home. Before I bend my rule about not beating up girls."
"Ah, no," Michiru's voice called from the direction of the car, as glass crunched under foot. Ranma turned and found a very irate Sailor Neptune and Sailor Moon stomping their way from the car. "Not before she pays to repair the damage she caused."
"You, but," Kodachi's head cocked in confusion as she looked between Ranma and the two senshi. "You're the Sailor Scouts."
"That's right," Moon nodded.
Kodachi turned to Ranma. "You're… with them?"
"Yup," the boy confirmed.
"…I, that is, nn. I saw him first—"
"No," Moon shook her head.
"Doesn't matter," Neptune added.
Looking like a cornered animal, Kodachi turned and made to leap away, her ribbon flicking out towards a building… only for a golden disc to fly through the air and neatly bisect it. "Where do you think you're going?" Moon demanded.
"Anywhere but here!" Kodachi began to run, only for a globe of water to form and explode practically on top of her, knocking her to the ground and stunning her temporarily. Moon was on her a moment later, grabbing her by the head and holding her in place. "Release me at once!"
"Nope." The blonde's hand began to glow. "Moon Healing Escalation!"
"Ahh!" Kodachi wailed as she was hammered into the ground with enough force to crack the asphalt.
When she was done, Moon let go and dusted her hands off. She toed the insensate, smoking form of Kodachi with one pointed boot. "Wakey wakey."
Kodachi blinked and sat up. The gymnast looked confused and uncertain as she looked around, then looked down at herself. Her arms moved to cover her chest and she clenched her legs shut. "…What just happened?"
"I healed you," Moon explained. "Ranma told me about you and your family. I spoke with some friends, and the best answer we came up with was either you're doing it because you enjoy it, or you're legitimately crazy. So? Which was it?"
"Uh… I, I don't," Kodachi raised one hand up to her forehead. "Everything feels strange."
"Crazy it is, then," Neptune nodded.
"Not surprised," Ranma shook his head. "That 'attack' would probably break half the people in Nerima."
"Well, I mean, it's Moon. So," Neptune murmured. "'Break the enemy by healing them' has always been her thing." Turning her attention to Kodachi, she glared. "You. You owe me for my window. I'm going to have to have the car detailed to get all the glass out and whatever was in that smoke bomb left residue all over that I don't think is safe—"
Kodachi's eyes went wide. "It's very much not! It's a potent sedative in powder form." Forcing herself to her feet, she bowed deeply. "Please forgive me! If you give me your address, I'll have the car replaced today!"
"I can just get it repaired—"
"It's safer for everyone involved if it were scrapped. That powder can linger and be effective for months."
Neptune sighed. "Fine. But if that address leaks…"
"It won't!" Kodachi promised. "I've, I've been a fan of yours since the very first time I saw you all on television! I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you."
"Except smash your way into her car and try to kidnap me," Ranma snarked as Neptune walked to her car to gather her paperwork and anything identifiable.
Kodachi looked up and met Ranma's eyes. The girl blushed deeply and bowed even further. "Saotome-sama! Please forgive this lowly, ignorant woman her trespasses! I have wronged you repeatedly. I know I have no excuse—"
"Alright, alright!" Ranma yelled, reaching out and taking her shoulders, forcing her upright. "Jeez, stop it. You're embarrassin' me." Taking a breath, he continued, "Look. If Moon says ya weren't in your right mind…"
Sailor Moon nodded. "Nutty as a fruitcake!"
"Then I'll take her word for it. Ya did some stupid stuff, yeah, but no one really got hurt." Eyeing her suspiciously, he asked, "You're gonna stop tryin' to kidnap or marry me, right?"
"Of course!"
Ranma nodded, before his lips twitched into a grin. Tall young man shifted into short and curvy redhead. "What about me?"
Kodachi blinked slowly, before reaching down and pinching herself. "Ow," she muttered, before looking to Sailor Moon. Pointing to Ranma, she asked, "Am I… hallucinating? Did your magic wear off?"
Moon giggled as Neptune came back with her information. "No, that's just Ranma. Here. Destroy this when you're finished."
"Of course," Kodachi nodded, accepting the paper, folding it up, and tucking it down the top of her leotard between her breasts. Turning back to Ranma, she asked, "So… you were the same person this whole time?"
"Magical curse. Moon cured it," the redhead explained, before shifting back to boy Ranma.
Kodachi sighed. "So all this time, I was attacking one of you and chasing the other. It seems I have even more to make up for."
"Don't worry about it. Fix Mi—" Neptune coughed quietly. "Neptune's car and stop chasin' after me and we'll call it square.
"I, no. I can't do that," Kodachi shook her head. "Given how much trouble I've caused you, that is insufficient."
Ranma shrugged. "Whatever, then. Anyway, we gotta go." Looking to Neptune, he asked, "Got everything you wanted out of that car?"
"Yes," the aqua haired woman nodded.
Looking around, Ranma spotted an empty lot. Giving the car a good kick, he sent it tumbling into the lot. A couple of ki attacks had it burning down and destroying the evidence—and the chemical hazard that Kodachi had cooked up. "Let's go."
The trio took to the rooves and began running and jumping across town. "I warned you!"
"Hehehe! You did!" Moon nodded.
Neptune shook her head. "Still not seeing what all the fuss was about."
Ding ding!
Ranma ducked reflexively. A second later, a bike crashed into the back of Sailor Moon's head.
Everyone stopped as the bike, and its rider, balanced precariously atop Moon's head on one wheel. Opening her mouth, Moon pointed up. "Is… is there really someone parked on top of my head?"
Ranma sighed. "Yep."
Neptune stared for a moment, before nodding. "Okay. I'm impressed. That's some amazing balance."
"Meh. I could do it in my sleep."
"Airen!" Shampoo called, hopping the bike down onto the ground and climbing off, before launching herself at Ranma in a hug.
Ranma caught the plum haired girl with a sigh of long suffering. "Shampoo."
"Where you been? We search all over!" Frowning, she added, "Saw what mallet girl did. Very awful. Come back to China with Shampoo, you no have to worry about that."
"No, I'll just have to worry about being treated like crap by the rest of your tribe cause I'm a guy." Seeing the confused looks from Moon and Neptune, he explained, "Her tribe's run by women."
"…And they abuse their men?" Neptune asked, a bit skeptical.
"Not abuse! Just show a man his proper place," Shampoo nodded. "Airen no have to worry. Too, too strong. The tribe respects strength. They'll be forced to respect you."
"Nah, still not interested. I've got girlfriends already and kids on the way. I can't play these games anymore Shampoo."
The amazon frowned, before making the obvious connection. Letting go of Ranma, she strolled towards Moon, only for Ranma to grab her by the hair and stop her. "No Kiss of Death."
"But airen, obstacles are for killing!" Shampoo protested.
Ranma groaned. "Do you know who they are?"
Shampoo shrugged. "Dumb magical girls. Too much power, no skill."
"'No skill?'" Neptune repeated. "We've got more experience—"
"She's right," Ranma interrupted. "Experience or not, you don't have the sort of skill we have. And Shampoo here isn't against attacking someone in their sleep. Are you?"
Shampoo smiled. "Airen know me too, too well. That best time to deal with obstacles."
"Right. We're not gonna have any of that. Come on, let's go talk to the old ghoul while we're here. I want to settle this today. Might as well bring duck boy in too."
Shampoo turned, forcing Ranma to let go of her hair. Staring at him intently, she asked, in perfect Japanese, "What do you mean, 'settle it?'"
"I knew you were faking that accent!" Ranma accused, earning an amused look.
"Aiya~! Shampoo think airen too, too cute, if just now figuring out. Silly Japanese think big boobs," she grabbed her tits and showed them off, "and dumb accent mean amazon head empty." Letting go of her breasts, Shampoo asked, "Which does airen like best?"
"How about you just be you, instead of trying to be what you think I want?"
The girl nodded. "Alright. Promise not to run again?"
"No more running," Ranma nodded.
Shampoo reached down and picked up her bike. "Come, then. We'll go see grandmother." Casting a glance at Moon and Neptune, she added, "You can tell me how you met the Sailor Senshi while we go." Frowning, she muttered, "And why you've knocked them up."
"Sure. Fine. Just make sure Mousse doesn't try anything stupid."
Shampoo smiled. "You know I can't guarantee that."
"You will if you want a cure."
Shampoo nearly missed the landing of her next jump. "Come again?"
Ranma smirked. "You heard me. A cure. For you and duck boy. But it comes with conditions."
"…Best we take this to grandmother, then."