A/N: Wow! The response I got for this story, despite FF clunking out, is amazing. Thank you for your interest and support. Twice a week until the beginning of May seems about right, based on how much is already written. I will publish my Operation Awesome chapter later this week too. Let's get this heating up!

My father wasn't home, which was typical. More often than not, I was left to take care of myself, sometimes for long stretches of time. I knew how to cook and do laundry, which was all I really needed to do until he returned from wherever he went. He had always demanded no friends in the house when he was out, though I never brought anyone there even when he was home. He worried about what someone could see.

It was always so strange to me how hard Heather worked to find time to be without parental supervision so she could drink and have sex. I could have had boys in my room, in my bed, any time my father was away, from the time I was 14 if I'd wanted. It was only my nervous hesitation that had kept me relatively pure to this point.

No one from school, not even Chuck, had ever been to my house. I know people thought it was weird, but I managed to avoid it the entire time I went to school in Burbank. It helped that I had a car, so I could meet people or go where they were instead.

My father never cared what I did or where I went, so long as I didn't get arrested for something stupid like underage drinking, lest it attract attention to his nefarious schemes. So he wasn't home to notice how meticulously getting ready for a date with Chuck.

My dad knew who Chuck was, although they had never met. He knew I spent a lot of time at Chuck's place. He didn't know that Chuck's house was actually a college apartment he shared with his 20 year old sister and her roommates, because Chuck's parents were both gone. When I met Chuck, it was only two months after his father had deserted them. Tragically, their mother had already left when Chuck was nine and Ellie was 12.

I never dressed specially for when Chuck and I hung out. But, this was a date. I had promised him it was a real date, so I made sure I took it seriously. I chose a floral sundress that I knew he hadn't seen before. It had thin straps and a stretchy bodice that fit tightly around my breasts, with tiny little buttons down the front. The skirt was full and fell in folds to just above my knees. It was primarily blue, with tiny, delicate pink, purple, and green flowers. The fabric was silky and clung to my curves.

I didn't need stockings with the high-heeled sandals I chose. However, I stood in front of my bureau with the top drawer open, sifting through my lingerie, deciding what to wear. I remember thinking at first that it didn't matter what I chose–Chuck wasn't going to see it. And yet, I pulled out one of my prettiest thongs–white lace with bows, sexy, with the tiniest bit of silky fabric to barely cover me. With the skirt over it, I felt like I wasn't wearing anything underneath.

I had never even dressed like that for Bryce when we were dating. Standing in front of the mirror, I felt an unfamiliar ache deep inside me, troubled because Chuck was on my mind as I felt it. The two of us weren't like that. Why was I flushed thinking about our date?

I shook off the feeling, telling myself it was just my raging hormones and lack of boyfriend making me feel this way. He was Chuck—a sweet, kind and caring guy.

I drove to Chuck's apartment at Echo Park to meet him. He answered the door and quickly stepped outside. I wondered if he was worried his sister or her roommates would comment on the fact that he was going out, all dressed up, with me. "Wow, Sarah…you look…beautiful," he gushed.

I blushed furiously, acutely aware of feeling bare under the skirt.

He wore cologne, something he never did at school. It was subtle, but fragrant. Woodsy and masculine and I really liked it. He wore his jeans and his chucks, like always, but he also wore a button-down shirt over a light gray t-shirt. My heart skipped a beat when I realized how handsome he looked. I found myself staring, watching his sinewy muscles beneath his shirt and wondering how it would feel to touch him.

What was wrong with me? The unusual thoughts, combined with the unusual stirrings inside my body, were confusing me. I silently told myself to just calm down, think of something else.

He smiled and took my arm gently, not noticing my intense scrutiny.

"A Nerd Herder?" I asked as we walked towards his car. I was laughing.

He chuckled as well. "Ellie needed the car for class. Big Mike let me take it, since I told him I had a date."

Big Mike was Chuck's boss at his part-time job, the Buy More. Chuck was officially too young to use a company vehicle. The fact that his boss let him borrow it spoke about how much Big Mike trusted him.

"You didn't tell him it was me, though, right?" I teased. Big Mike knew I was Chuck's friend.

"I didn't need to. He was just thrilled that I had a date. I didn't want to burst his bubble." He chuckled, self-deprecating. Chuck opened the passenger door for me, let me in, and then shut the door after me.

"So where are you taking me?" I asked.

"The park. For ice cream. That's not too cheesy for a first date, right?" he asked as he started to drive, a little smirk on his face.

I giggled. "It's perfect."

We were chatting, perfectly comfortable with each other as we drove. I was dressed up, feeling sexy and grown up, but being with him just felt…normal, relaxed. He was right about that part when he had suggested this.

As we drove, I noticed an open piece of mail tucked into the visor. It looked like a card. Chuck's father's name was on the envelope.

"Chuck, did you hear from your father?" I asked in surprise, pointing to the mail.

He blew out a breath, making a noise as his lips vibrated. "Yeah. My birthday."

He didn't say anything else, obviously upset. Chuck's birthday was almost three weeks ago, but for it to be in the Herder, he had to have just gotten it.

What kind of man deserted his children and then randomly sent a belated birthday card?

"I'm sorry, Chuck," I offered, wishing I hadn't upset him.

"It's ok," he murmured.

I took his hand, squeezing it supportively. He held my hand, longer than necessary. After a long, silent pause, he seemed to notice and let me go. His mood stayed dark until we arrived at our destination.

He bought me rocky road ice cream at the cart in the park, remembering my favorite. He chose orange sherbet. We strolled casually, then sat side by side on the park bench. When we ate ice cream, we always shared a spoonful with each other. This time was no different. What felt different was when I watched him take the bite from the plastic spoon, how hyper focused I was on his lips and the gentle way he licked them before he swallowed. It made me feel warm inside, despite the chilly treat.

I don't know if he noticed how I was feeling, or if he saw something on my face or in my eyes, but he quickly reverted to trying to make me laugh. Humor was his primary defense mechanism. Soon I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering, sputtering the last few spoonfuls of soupy, melted ice cream.

I must have gotten some drops of ice cream on my face, but I didn't notice…until he reached over casually and brushed his thumb very close to my lips. It was friendly, platonic, but I felt something like an electric shock when he touched my skin.

I'm attracted to Chuck. I couldn't deny that feeling, not after I was still feeling the reverberation of his touch after he pulled his fingers away.

I was in a state of disbelief, telling myself we were friends and nothing else. This may have been a real date, but I was still with my friend. We were merely enjoying each other's company, like we always did. Just friends.

But why? Why the absolute impossibility?

Suddenly, I had no answer to that, though I seemed to have been dismissing the same question all the time I had known him.

Why couldn't we be a couple? He was the one who asked me out, as a real date. My attraction to him was increasing, intense and totally unexpected. He thought I was pretty, I knew that. I started to imagine that the people around us, walking by, feeding the ducks, thought he must be my boyfriend.

Why couldn't that happen?

I'm convinced he could see that desire on my face, because immediately he got uncomfortable and stood up, guiding me along the path next to the water. I grabbed his arm and rested my cheek against his bicep as we walked. He looked down at me like he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself.

"Thank you for the ice cream, Chuck," I said softly.

"My pleasure," he smiled. His body was tense, betraying his upset, that he was trying to hide from me.

We walked the entire path around the lake, side by side. He continued to steer the conversation to neutral topics, as if he knew what was simmering under my skin and he feared it.

Why? Why would he not want me as his girlfriend? Did he not feel that way and I was just wishful thinking? Had he been hurt before and was shy of relationships in general? Was he worried that he would lose me as a friend if we got together but then broke up?

Stop! I shook myself, pushing the thoughts out of my mind with great effort. This was not what today was supposed to be about. I was here with him because I hadn't felt like being groped by Heather's boyfriend's cousin. I needed to stop thinking this way before I ruined our date.

He doesn't know the real you, what you are capable of, a nagging voice in my head reminded me. A guy like Chuck would never go out with a criminal, a thief. He wouldn't even be my friend anymore if he knew.

My chest ached as I acknowledged that difficult truth. I tried with all my strength to push those thoughts away.

We started to walk back to the car when I felt a tiny pebble inside one of my sandals. I tugged on his arm, motioning for him to stop for a moment, while I stooped to slide a finger under my heel to shake it loose. One of my dress straps slipped off my shoulder, falling down across my arm. I felt Chuck's gaze dip, his eyes lingering on my chest.

I slowly pulled the strap back into place, watching in fascination as Chuck's cheeks flushed deep pink. He had always been so respectful, a perfect gentleman, looking only at my face whenever he had spoken to me in the past.

Was he feeling the same way I was feeling? The idea that he did, that he could, filled me with warmth. What was happening? It was all so strange, so new. I felt almost breathless as we approached his car.

He let me in the same way as he had at Echo Park. "How about some coffee?" he asked as he turned the ignition on.

My breathless anticipation continued as we sat there. I made an impulsive decision, only one of a series that I would make this evening. Forgetting my fears that I wasn't good enough for him, I held my breath, closed my eyes, leaned across the divide between the seats, and kissed him.

His lips were sweet from the ice cream, so luxuriously soft against mine, I almost melted. I shocked him, I was certain, feeling him stiffen, reeling away from me. But it only lasted for a few seconds, and then he kissed me back. My heart leapt in my chest when I felt him respond.

He was an amazing kisser. He opened his mouth, fluttering the tip of his tongue against my lips until I opened mine as well. My skin was covered in goosebumps and I trembled as we continued kissing fervently. He pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. His other hand was in my hair, his thumb stroking my cheek.

He pulled away first. He kept his eyes closed. I could hear his breath, heaving and ragged. Cheeks flushed, he opened his eyes and looked down at me through his eyelashes. "Sarah…"

"Ssh," I hushed, leaning my forehead against his.

"I don't understand," he whispered, his eyes still averted.

"Didn't you ever wonder what it would be like to kiss me?"

He was still embarrassed, his skin so flushed I could feel the heat from his cheeks on mine. With a crooked grin, he replied, "Every day since I met you."

I felt a rush of heat sweep down inside me. "Why didn't you ask me out?"

"I thought I just did two days ago," he chuckled. "You had a boyfriend before."

I sat up sharply, searching his face. "All that time…you…?" It hurt to realize he had been interested in me the entire time I was carrying on with Bryce. He turned fire engine red. "So you just pretended to be my friend?"

That shook him out of his state. "Not pretending. I am your friend. I always will be. No matter what." He looked in my eyes, hypnotizing me with his intense gaze.

Would he, really? Even if he knew the truth? The pointedness of his gaze made me believe it all, every word.

"But…you wanted something more?" I asked expectantly.

He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. When he opened them, he added with a delicate whisper, "I felt something more. I couldn't help it. But you didn't, I mean, you weren't–"

I leaned forward quickly, pressing my body against his, and kissed him again, passionately, full of emotion that I had been unaware I had been harboring. I was breathless again when I pulled away. "I was…stupid. And blind." I sighed and smiled. "I wasted so much time."

He smiled radiantly, his face transforming from worry to joy. "Well, then, I'm glad I asked you out."

"Me too," I said, bumping my nose into his.

"So…coffee?" he asked, his eyebrows dancing and eliciting a giggle from me.

The first thing I thought was my house, my empty house. My bed. My blood turned to ice. What was the matter with me?

I had felt nothing but hesitation and fear when it came to physical intimacy. I had only kissed him and we weren't even officially a couple. And yet, all I could think about was my lacy underwear and how I wanted so much for him to see it, touch it…touch me.

Slow down. I admonished myself, feeling no better than Heather with her hedonistic desires. Even spurred on by Heather's wild tendencies, Bryce and I had gradually increased the physical nature of our relationship.

"Sounds great." I could tell him all about me and my past over coffee. I trusted his words, that he would understand.

We could go slow, I told myself. But we could start, find a way to progress our relationship in a way that was comfortable for both of us. This would be alright, I told myself.

I didn't know I was playing with fire, doused from head to toe in gasoline, completely unaware of how dangerous the situation had truly become.