August
I watched as the small lift was lowered and Nathan pushed the wheelchair into the small lift. He made sure the wheelchair was secure before he pushed the button and the small lift moved up. He had hopped into the van as he made sure the wheelchair was in position then he locked the breaks. He hopped out of the back of the van, closed the doors and I looked straight ahead.
Today, I am going back to Granta House. A place I thought I'd never have to see again.
I had wondered if I would be excited about leaving the care center, but I feel like I wanted to stay.
"Ready to go, Mate?" Nathan asked after he had gotten into the van and he looked back at me.
"I guess," I said with a frown.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm just in a mood."
"That's all going to change once you get home."
"Home is in London."
Nodding, he turned then he started the engine. The van headed down the long drive as I looked straight ahead and I watched the van moving by the open gates.
Ever since Louisa suggested that we make our own home, I had dreams about what that home would look like. In great detail, I saw the outside of the house, the walk, the inside of the house and the back garden. I would talk in great lengths with her and Mother about the house and the landscape.
But then I started doubting things. I knew what Mother wanted contradicted with what I wanted and I knew she would eventually get her way.
My dreamhouse was slowly becoming my prison. A box where I would live out the rest of my days alone and I would not be able to do anything else, but look out of the window.
I had woken up screaming from nightmares where I am in my box and Louisa, Lily and Stevie walked away. Leaving me alone. Abandoned. Forgotten.
"Want me to put the radio on," pulled me out of my dark thoughts and I glanced at the back of Nathan's head.
"Sure," I said and he turned the radio on.
Granta House
I wasn't sure how long it was before we pulled up to the gates of Granta House. The gates were open and Nathan steered the van down the long drive then he steered the van to the right. We came to a stop as I closed my eyes and I heard the soft click of the engine after he turned the engine off. I listened to the back doors opening and the soft hum of the lift as the wheelchair was lowered to the ground.
"Will!" Louisa called out, but I didn't open my eyes. "What's wrong? Why do you have your eyes closed?"
"I don't want to look," I said, softly.
"You mean you don't want to look at the house?"
"Yes. I don't want to look at it."
"Why not?" she asked and I felt her fingers moving through my hair.
"I'm afraid of what I'll see if I do open my eyes."
"You won't know what it looks like unless you open them," she said and I felt the wheelchair being turned around. I slowly opened my eyes and I lifted my head up.
What was before me caused me to blink my eyes several times.
The sunlight shimmered on the stone walls of the half-towers connected to the house. They stood on either side of the hallway which led from the main house and both towers had pointed, black shingled roofs. I could just see the small windows in the tower walls and the stain glass shimmered. Several, ivy covered trellises surrounded the bottom of the towers and a wooden exit door had a small cement path leading to the main cement path.
"Is that how you pictured them?" Louisa whispered as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
"Even more so," I whispered.
I looked at the front of the house with different shades of stone with dark wood trim windows arched at the tops and I flipped the joystick. I stopped the wheelchair while I looked at the stain glass under the arches. The flat top bushes were under the windows and a stone border outlined the flat top bushes. I flicked the joystick when I saw the semi-circle path in front of the front doors. Four marble columns with a small cover led to the front doors and I could just see the black tiles on the top of the cover. I moved the wheelchair back so I could see the roof and the black shingles shimmered in the sunlight.
"Want to see the rest?" Louisa asked and I nodded. We headed down the cement path while Nathan walked behind us and I looked at the flat top bushes against the walls and the stone borders outlining them. We went around the corner and I noticed an opening. I stopped the wheelchair after turning to face the opening and I saw the grass, plants outlined by stones and a large, circular window took up most of the wall in front of me. The stain glass was a verity of bright colors and a black T was at the center of the window. I could just see the smaller W, L, L, N and S and I wondered if there were small, stain glass bumblebees scattered around the letters.
"What's with the T?" Nathan asked.
"It's for Traynor," I explained. "The smaller letters are for me, Louisa, Lily, Stevie and…you."
"Me?!"
"You are a member of the family," Louisa said and I turned the wheelchair to look at Nathan. He wiped the tears from his eyes then he smiled. I turned the wheelchair to face left and we went down the rest of the cement path. I looked at the stone wall which surrounded the back garden and smiled. "Want to go inside?"
"Yes," I said and we headed back to the front of the house. We headed for the front doors as Louisa removed the keys from her purse and she unlocked the doors. She opened the doors then she walked back to me and she carefully sat on my lap. She slid her arms around my shoulders and I flicked the joystick. The wheelchair moved over the threshold into the living room and she leaned over to kiss my lips.
"Ooooooo!" made Louisa move back and I looked at Tommy and Lily, who was holding Stevie in her arms. Mother, Georgina, Treena, Bernard, Josie and Louisa's granddad standing near the couch facing the large circular window. Treena was videoing us with my video camera and Georgina was smiling. I rolled my eyes and I flicked the joystick to move the wheelchair forward. I glanced around the living room with my eyes then I saw the two doors to my left.
"Those lead to the towers," Louisa said as she pointed to the doors. "That one leads to the tower we're using for storage. That one is for the tower we were looking at. It leads to a surprise."
"A surprise?" I asked with wide eyes. She walked to the door then she unlocked the door. She opened the door and I used the joystick to move closer. We went inside the tower after she turned the lights on and I saw a semi-circular room with a ramp going upward. There was a stone railing covering the part of the ramp not connected to the walls. At the back of the room was what looked like a lift shaft. We headed for the lift shaft and Louisa pushed the call button.
A few minutes later, the lift doors opened and we went in the lift car. The lift doors closed and the lift car moved upward. She looked down at me as I smiled then the lift doors opened. I flicked the joystick as the wheelchair headed for the windows and Louisa came to stand next to me. I looked out at the view and she placed her hand on my left shoulder.
"Wow," I said with a cat-like sound and she carded the back of my head. A few minutes later, we took the lift back down then we went back in the living room. Louisa closed and locked the door behind her after we went in the room and I stopped the wheelchair next to her.
"Now…," Louisa said as she walked to the couch facing the large, circular window and she turned to face me. "Which wing do you want to see first?"
"I'd rather look around this room, if that's alright," I said as I flicked the joystick and I moved the wheelchair around the room. I looked at the paintings from our old flat on the walls, at the door which led to the closet, at the doorway which led to the main house, the furniture from our old flat mixed with new pieces, the plants in the marble planters in the corners, the windows and double doors which looked out at the back garden, the nicknacks from our old flat, the hard wood flooring with non-skid carpeting under some of the furniture then I stopped at the large, circular window.
"Mind explaining the T?" Bernard asked as he walked to me.
"It's for Traynor," I explained.
"And the smaller letters?"
"William, Louisa, Lily, Stevie and Nathan."
"Ah."
I flicked the joystick and I moved the wheelchair to Louisa.
"I'd like to see the left wing," I told her and Louisa nodded. We headed for the left wing and I looked at the long hallway. There was a window at the end of the hallway and I noticed the frames on the walls.
"Those are family photos," she said and I barely nodded me head. "Now, do you remember which room's which?"
"If I remember correctly, the first room is the home gym," I said and I flicked the joystick. I steered the wheelchair into the room and I stopped at the center of the room. I looked at the equipment, the workout mats on the floor and a stereo with CDs sat on the table near the door. There were mirrors on the wall to my right and I looked at the view from the windows. I turned the wheelchair around then left the room and I looked at the doorway in front of me. "This is my den."
I flicked the joystick and the wheelchair entered the room. The room looked like my den from our old flat except a little bigger so I can move around in the wheelchair. The books and other things I had in my den were in the room and my computer sat on a desk designed for wheelchairs.
"Treena found some software so you can turn things on and off," Louisa said as she walked to the wheelchair. "Go ahead."
"Lights on," I said and the lights clicked on. "Lights off."
The lights went off and we left the room. We headed down the hallway then I stopped the wheelchair.
"That has to be the home theater," I said and I steered the wheelchair in the room. There was a large screen television at the back of the room with a DVD player sitting on a cabinet underneath, two couches with a space for my wheelchair to sit between them, some cabinets with DVDs inside, speakers on the walls and smaller cabinets with snacks. I flicked the joystick then I left the room as I steered the wheelchair to the room across the hall and I looked into the room. "This is your home office."
"Yep," Louisa said and we went in the room. "I had to put in a door."
"I understand. You wouldn't want a certain toddler to play in here."
I moved the wheelchair around the room as I looked at the paintings and posters on the walls, the drafting table and other things in the room then we headed back to the hallway. We headed for the next set of doors and I leaned the back of my head against the headrest.
"Are you ok?" she asked.
"Yep," I said then looked at the doorways to my left. "Those are the storage room and the laundry room."
"Right."
"Over here is the dining room and the kitchen," I said as I flicked the joystick and we went into the dining room. I looked at the large windows at the back of the room and I noticed everything in the room was from our old flat. I moved the wheelchair around the dining chairs and the dining table and Louisa had a slightly confused look on her face. "I'm trying to figure out where to sit."
"Oh. Right. You can't be in a draft," she said and I steered the wheelchair through the doorway which led to the kitchen. I noticed the small kitchen island in the middle of the room and I steered the wheelchair around it a few times. The appliances and other things were from our old flat, but I noticed my coffee machine was missing and I frowned. "Sorry."
"It's fine," I said when I noticed the cabinet near the door leading out to the hallway. "What's in there?"
"That's for your medical equipment."
"It's locked, right?"
"Right," she said and I smiled when I saw the ceramic banana cookie jar with a cartoon, smiling face sitting on the counter. "Come on. You didn't think I forget that!"
"Seeing how this looks like our old kitchen, it would feel empty without it," I said and she softly laughed. We left the kitchen, went down the hallway and I stopped the wheelchair. "The right wing is the bedrooms, right?"
"Right," she said and we headed for the hallway to the right wing. More frames of family photos were on the walls and the doors to the master bedroom was at the end of the hallway. I flicked the joystick and we headed for the first doorway. "This is the guest room."
I steered the wheelchair in the room and I saw the dark blue curtains in front of the windows. The walls were a soft blue and the bedding was two different shades of blue. I looked at the furniture, nicknacks, paintings on the walls, the carpet under the bed, and the doorway leading to the bathroom. I turned the wheelchair around as I left the room and I looked at the door in front of me.
"We had to switch the linen closet with the half-bathroom," Louisa said and we headed down the hallway. I stopped at the door to the half-bathroom then I turned the wheelchair to face the doorway.
"That's my room," Lily said after she walked down the hallway and she stood near the wheelchair. I steered the wheelchair in the room and I smiled at the purple walls with blue trim. Fairy lights were on the walls and some of her clothes were on the floor. She quickly went to pick the clothes off the floor and I smiled. "Oh! Sorry!"
"No worries, Kiddo," I said then I saw something sitting on the middle shelf of the bookcase. "It that the music box I gave you?"
"Yep. Lady was able to get hold of it as well as the rest of my stuff," she said and Lily removed the wooden box from the shelf. She walked to the wheelchair as she placed the wooden box on my lap and I looked at the words etched into the mirror on the lid.
"You're still my little pixie," I whispered and Lily kissed my cheek before she placed the wooden box on the shelf. We left the room and I looked at the door to my left. "This is Nathan's room, right?"
"Right," Louisa said and I turned the wheelchair to face the room across the hallway. I steered the wheelchair into the room and I smiled at the bright colors of the border on the top of the walls.
"This is Stevie's room," I said and I saw the plush animals in the crib. The teddy bear was in the middle and Louisa placed her arms around my shoulders. "I love it."
We left the room and I steered the wheelchair back to the bathroom next to Stevie's room and Louisa smiled.
"You should have seen the mess he made taking a bath last night," Louisa said and I softly laughed. We left the room as I turned the wheelchair around, steered the wheelchair toward the master bedroom and Louisa opened the doors. She walked back to the wheelchair and she sat on my lap. I steered the wheelchair into the room then stopped the wheelchair in the center of the room. Except for the hospital equipment, the room looked like our bedroom in our old flat. "Sorry about the white walls."
"It's fine, Clark. I even like that wood paneling behind the bed," I said and she slid her arms around my shoulders.
"I had to put the windows a little higher on the wall so you won't be in a draft."
"Hmph," I said as I steered the wheelchair to the doorway to the bathroom and I noticed the two showers. "One for me and one for you."
"What?"
"The showers."
"Oh. Right."
We headed out of the room as I steered the wheelchair into the living room and Mother walked to me. She knelt down next to the wheelchair and we locked eyes.
"Do you want to go out and see the back garden?" Mother asked.
"Only if you go with me," I said and I saw some tears in her eyes. Mother stood as we headed for the double doors and she opened the double doors. She stood back so I can steer the wheelchair outside and we headed into the back garden. She had closed the door as she stood by the doors and I scanned the garden with my eyes.
The cement path encircled the garden with smaller paths snaking around the flowers outlined with stone. Stevie's play area was near the house and there was a sandbox, a small, plastic slide and a plastic water table sitting in the grass. Trees lined the stone walls and the trees were bordered by stones. There were some flowering bushes and large leaf plants scattered among the flower beds and at the center of the garden were large, mossy rocks with a recycling waterfall.
"I thought that would be safer than a pond or a fountain," Mother said.
"I agree," I said while I moved the wheelchair closer and I noticed the small indents in the rocks.
"They contain seeds for the birds," Mother explained and I nodded.
"Were you able to plant the butterfly bushes?" I asked.
"This way," she said and we headed down the cement path in silence. "I am sorry that your father isn't here."
"He never came to see me at the hospital after I had pneumonia or the care center," I said with a small sigh.
"He has his reasons."
"I know one of them," I said and she stopped walking. I turned the wheelchair around to face her and she was holding the small gold cross in her right hand. "You forget. He brought me the pamphlet while I was in the hospital."
"I considered leaving him after I found out."
"I wouldn't blame you."
"I really don't understand why he decided to end everything."
"I have no clue. But I don't want you to blame yourself. You did everything in your power to keep this family together and I am damn proud of you."
Tears appeared in her eyes and she leaned over to hug me. She placed her head against mine as I felt her shaking and I wanted to wrap my arms around her.
"You truly are my angel," she whispered.
"With one hell of a tarnished, bent halo," I teased and she laughed before moving back. She wiped the tears away on the back of her hand then she removed a tissue from the pocket of her suit jacket. She wiped her nose then she stood straighter and I saw a calm look on her face.
"Let's go see if there are any butterflies," she said and we headed for where the butterfly bushes had been planted. I saw several different varieties of butterflies fluttering around the bushes and I smiled.
"I remember chasing butterflies in your garden when I was small," I said as a butterfly landed on my left hand and the wings moved in and out. We didn't move until the butterfly flew away and I glanced up at Mother. We headed down the cement path as I noticed the garden gnomes and I had seen the green frog sitting on one of the mossy rocks at the center of the garden.
"Um… I think half of the gnomes I picked for the garden are missing," I said and she slyly smiled.
"Those are in my gardens. I think of them as replacements for the ones you destroyed," she said.
"Fair," I said then we headed back to the house. Louisa opened the doors as we went inside then she closed the doors.
Later that night
Nathan finished the night routine as he wrote the medical information in the medical file then he placed the medical equipment in the drawer of the small table next to the bed.
"Are you going home?" I asked.
"Nah. I thought I'd spend the night. In case you need me," he said then he headed for the doorway. He turned to look at me then nodded before he left the room. I looked up at the ceiling while I listened to the sound of music coming from down the hallway and I blinked my eyes a few times.
"Ok. Lights out," Louisa's voice said.
"Ok," Lily's voice said and the music stopped. "Night, Louisa."
"Night."
I waited until Louisa walked in the room and she headed for the bathroom. She turned to look at me before she went inside and I wanted to get out of bed so I could join her in the shower.
"Only in your dreams," a voice said in my head and I sighed.
A few minutes later, Louisa walked out of the bathroom wearing a Minnie Mouse nightshirt and her panties and she headed for the bed. I had many dreams of her wearing that outfit and she noticed the happy look on my face. She turned off the lights and used the light in the hallway to get into bed with me. She moved the bedding back then she snuggled down next to my right side and moved the bedding up.
"Happy to be home?" she asked in a soft voice while she slid her arms around my right arm.
"Would you be upset if I said no?" I asked as I turned my head to look at her. I could just see her eyebrows go down and she bit her lower lip. "It has nothing to do with the house. I love it."
"I created your dreamhouse?" she asked with a small crack to her voice.
"Yes, Clark. You created my dreamhouse. Well, more like my dream castle."
"Mum did say a man's home is his castle."
"She's right."
"Then what's wrong?" she asked. I tried to figure out what to tell her. I finally explained about how I was doubting I would ever get what I wanted in regard to my dreamhouse and she reached over to brush some hair behind my right ear. I also told her about my nightmares. "I would never do that to you."
"I know you wouldn't."
The room became quiet while I felt her moving her fingers long my cheek and I glanced at her.
"It's certainly quiet, isn't it?" I asked.
"Yeah. It is," she said.
"The main house was always quiet. Once I moved to London, I made sure the bedroom window was open. I needed to hear the sounds of the city. I didn't hear that in the hospital or the care center. Just the sounds of the nurses' sneakers, moaning, screaming or coughing of the patients, hushed voices, voices over the Tannoy or the lift. This silence isn't so bad. It's… It's sort of comforting."
"Comforting?"
"Like I don't have anything to worry about. That everything is alright. Even with me being like this."
"Mum told me you truly feel at home when the house wraps itself around you like a comfy blanket."
"Did you feel that way back in our old flat?"
"Not really. It wasn't really ours. It belonged to the manager of the building. I guess that's why I really wanted to make your dreamhouse a reality. Not just for you, but for me."
"Then, to answer your question, I am glad to be home."
"So am I."
We laid there in the silence of our home as I listened to my loving wife's breathing even out while she drifted off to sleep and a small smile spread across my face.