Chapter 9: The Inevitability of Fate
The last thing I remembered was pushing her away from that speeding van before everything went black.
After school, I walked home as fast as I could, storming through the front door. Esme was standing in the kitchen, cooking dinner for me- which was part of her regular schedule.
"Where is Carlisle?" I asked, my words caught between my heavy breathing.
"He's in his office. Is everything okay?"
"No, it's Bella," I told her quickly and ran up the stairs. I reached the door of his office and stopped for a short moment before knocking twice.
"Come in" a voice behind the door answered.
"Please, close the door" He requested and I did as he asked then took a few steps forward.
"Has something happened?"
"No I could just use some advice, but I can come back later if you're busy" I said, looking at the desk full of papers.
"I can make some time" he answered, taking off his glasses and carefully folding them before putting them on his desk. He folded his hands together.
"Well" I sat down in the luxurious chair in front of his desk- still recovering and catching my breath from the workout I did before arriving at the house. I leaned back into the chair breathing slowly.
"It's about Bella"
"Did something happen to her?"
"Not yet.. that's why I'm here" I ran my hand through my wet hair "You remember the book I told you about right, about the events that are possibly going to happen?"
He nodded affirmative "I remember"
"Well one of those events is happening tomorrow"
There was evident curiosity and interest behind his honey coloured eyes. He nodded again.
"I see. So what exactly is happening in this event?"
"So tomorrow it's going to be below freezing point, which means the roads will be frozen and very dangerous and slippery to drive on"
He was listening attentively to what I had to say, patiently waiting for me to continue my story.
"Theres this guy named Tyler and he's a student on our school. Who also happens to be quite reckless.. and a bit of an idiot." I paused for a brief moment as I rubbed the top of my head "Basically, he's a typical teenager and tomorrow while he's driving his van to school he will lose control in the parking lot and.."
My whole body ached as I thought about how the story would have ended if it wasn't for Edward. Just the thought alone of something happening to her was like agony.. unbearable. Even if she would have only been a stranger, no one should have their life ended abruptly like that especially as a teenager with her whole life ahead of her. She hadn't gotten the chance yet to discover and experience most of what life had to offer her- she hasn't lived it to the fullest potential. I wanted her to have that chance to be happy.
I also felt deeply responsible, as the only reason she was in danger in the first place was because of the sole fact that I existed in her world, so I owed it to her to fix it. Tears started to well up in my eyes. I rubbed them away with the sleeve of my sweater.
"Please, continue" he urged.
I took a deep breath before continuing, "Bella would get the short end of the stick. And probably wouldn't survive if it wasn't for Edward."
"Edward?"
"Yes. Edward would push the van away and save her. It would be the beginning of her suspicions about him and the rest of your family and she would start investigating"
Carlisle rested his chin on his folded hands, he appeared to be pensive and deep in thought.
"It would seem like as of now that's only hypothetical because Edward isn't here, and I have no idea about how probable it is that he will return before tomorrow"
I nodded "Exactly. That's why I'm here just in case, because I'd need another way to save her. I told her not to come to school but I have no idea how she's going to take that advice"
"Hmm" he answered. "Have you considered telling her the truth. Like you came forward and told us?"
"I don't even know where to start at this moment" I sighed "And even if I did, it's an insane thing to believe"
"This is a girl you say will fall in love with Edward, a vampire- and be very gracious about that fact. I'm sure she can handle whatever it is you'll throw at her"
"Maybe. But first I'll have to keep her alive tomorrow"
He scratched his forehead.
"I'll stop by the Swan residence tomorrow morning before leaving to work and see what I can do" he said.
"Thank you. I would appreciate that"
"If Charlie Swan refuses to keep his daughter home- which I don't think he will on a doctor's advice, then I can also try and talk to the school board- I'm certain they can be persuaded to cancel her classes for the day"
I nodded. I felt relieved, like a rock was lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe for a moment. His words were reassuring and I trusted Carlisle, possibly more than anyone to take care of it.
"For now you should eat something and get some rest. It's important to take care of yourself as well Adam"
"I don't sleep a lot" I told him "Ever since I woke up in your hospital"
"Hmm.. sounds like you might have a case of insomnia, which is not unusual considering your circumstances" he assessed "I can prescribe you some sleeping pills. See if that'll help?"
"Yes. Gladly"
He wrote something on a paper then we both stood up and he walked me to the door.
"Thank you again Carlisle. I wouldn't know what to do without your help"
"No problem at all Adam. You can always come to me. Even if it's just to talk about how you're feeling"
"I'll remember that"
He wished me a good sleep then withdrew in his office and continued to work through the night. Vampires were so much more productive and efficient since they didn't sleep. I envied them- I wished I didn't need to sleep at all more than ever these days.
When I walked down the stairs, I saw Esme had left me a plate with ravioli on the kitchen island. I sat down and began eating before she came in as well.
"This is.. great. Thank you Esme"
"You're welcome" she smiled politely and came to sit on the stool next to mine, her body turned towards me. "I heard your conversation with Carlisle. Are you doing okay?"
"As okay as I can be considering the circumstances" I said, my voice starting to break a little.
"You know you can always talk to me" she spoke softly, then her hand moved and rubbed my shoulder.
I flinched at the touch, moving away from her hand instantly.
"I'm sorry. I really do appreciate it but I don't feel comfortable with that"
"I'm sorry" she immediately withdrew her hand, resting them on her legs. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable"' she said as she dropped her eyes.
"It's okay.. you didn't know" I said "It's just I don't really let anyone touch me, besides the short hugs I'd give to my parents and siblings"
"I see. Is there a reason why?"
"I don't know" I shrugged "I actually love physical touch in romantic settings but it makes me wildly uncomfortable with other people for some reason"
She nodded and her lips curled into a small smile "I understand"
"Besides.. we're technically the same age which makes it kind of weird, no offense" I chuckled "I do consider you like a second mother or a big sister at the very least"
Her smile widened "And I'm glad you do. I want you to feel at home here"
"I am. You guys are great" I said as I smiled back at her and continued to eat the food.
"Anyway" I sighed deeply "I think the stress is just getting to me. This whole situation with me being here.. and now I have to worry about keeping Bella safe because I'm the only one who can"
"She's extremely lucky to have you Adam, I hope you realise that"
"Well" I said unsure of how to continue as I took another bite of my food.
"I know you wanted Edward to find love, I'm sorry things aren't going as expected"
She smiled slightly, but I could see the disappointment behind her eyes. "It's okay. I do want Edward to be happy more than anything but you're also a part of this family now, and you deserve love and happiness too Adam"
I swallowed and glanced at my food, mindlessly pricking my fork on the plate.
"I'm afraid that's an impossibility for me"
"What makes you say that?"
"Familial love.. platonic love but I don't think I'll ever find romantic love. You know how some people are just meant to be alone"
"You don't see how great of a guy you are, but someone will. I promise"
"Maybe" I answered "It's not a necessity for me though- I like being alone"
I took a breath and stood up, leaving the rest of my food. I was unable to eat whenever I felt anxious, or sleep for that matter.
"Thank you for the food but I'm going to try and get some sleep now"
Like Carlisle before she wished me a goodnight and took care of my plate, throwing away the rest of the food and putting it in the dishwasher. Again I knew a good night was going to be an impossibility. I made my way upstairs and to the guest room.
As expected I couldn't sleep that night. Even though I trusted Carlisle on his word that he would try his best to prevent disaster from happening, I was still anxious about what the next morning would bring.
The thought had crossed my mind. To ask Carlisle to turn me into a vampire; which would by far be the easiest solution to my problems. But I knew that wasn't how he, or his family operated.
I laid on my side, reading a book for a while to past the time then I just stared out of the window, seeing the night gradually transform into dawn; the sunrise coming up behind the trees. As far as there was any sun as it was hidden behind the thick mass of grey clouds. Snowflakes began to fall out of the sky, a few at first but slowly it were more and more- until at one point the whole sky was covered in white. I shivered at the cold.
I got dressed in a sweater and jeans then pulled on my sneakers and jacket before driving to school in Emmett's truck; staying quiet the whole way. He drove more slowly than usual because of the glazed frost that covered the roads.
Bella's POV
When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different.
It was the light. It was still the gray-green light of a cloudy day in the forest, but it was clearer somehow. I realized there was no fog veiling my window.
Last night I was wide awake thinking about what Adam told me at school yesterday. The words 'I don't think you should come to school tomorrow Bella' danced around in my head. What did that even mean? He was acting strange and suspicious again, just like that first day when I sat next to him in biology class.
I decided I was going to school anyway, or else I would sit at home all day making myself go crazy about what he could have meant.
I jumped up to look outside, and then groaned in horror.
A fine layer of snow covered the yard, dusted the top of my truck, and whitened the road. But that wasn't the worst part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid — coating the needles on the trees in fantastic, gorgeous patterns, and making the driveway a deadly ice slick. I had enough trouble not falling down when the ground was dry; it might be safer for me to go back to bed now.
Charlie had left for work before I got downstairs. In a lot of ways, living with Charlie was like having my own place, and I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely.
I threw down a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice from the carton. I felt anxious to go to school, and that scared me. I knew it wasn't the stimulating learning environment I was anticipating, or seeing my new set of friends. If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was nervous to get to school because of what Adam Cullen told me, that I shouldn't come.
I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday and I still remembered the hostility emanating from him on my first day. But I knew I had to confront him.
There was also a part of me that felt slightly excited about seeing him again. And that was very, very stupid.
It took every ounce of my concentration to make it down the icy brick driveway alive. I almost lost my balance when I finally got to the truck, but I managed to cling to the side mirror and save myself. Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish.
Driving to school, I distracted myself from my fear of falling and my unwanted speculations about Adam Cullen by thinking about Mike and Eric, and the obvious difference in how teenage boys responded to me here. I was sure I looked exactly the same as I had in Phoenix. Maybe it was just that the boys back home had watched me pass slowly through all the awkward phases of adolescence and still thought of me that way. Perhaps it was because I was a novelty here, where novelties were few and far between. Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress. Whatever the reason, Mike's puppy dog behavior and Eric's apparent rivalry with him were disconcerting. I wasn't sure if I didn't prefer being ignored.
My truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that covered the roads. I drove very slowly, though, not wanting to carve a path of destruction through Main Street.
When I got out of my truck at school, I saw why I'd had so little trouble. Something silver caught my eye, and I walked to the back of the truck — carefully holding the side for support — to examine my tires. There were thin chains crisscrossed in diamond shapes around them. Charlie had gotten up who knows how early to put snow chains on my truck. My throat suddenly felt tight. I wasn't used to being taken care of, and Charlie's unspoken concern caught me by surprise.
I was standing by the back corner of the truck, struggling to fight back the sudden wave of emotion the snow chains had brought on, when I heard an odd sound.
Adam's POV
When we arrived at school I got out of the truck and immediately my face went pale when my eyes scanned the parking lot. I stood in shock and stared in horror as I saw Bella getting out of her truck- my heart pounding in my throat as I started to imagine the worst case scenarios. She walked to the back of her truck, holding onto the side as she examined the tires. She stood looking at them for some time when I heard a high-pitched, screeching sound.
I looked up and saw a blue van entering the parking lot, it was squealing and spinning wildly across the ice- heading fast in the direction of where Bella's truck was standing- with her in between.
In that moment I was overcome with an adrenaline rush; I blacked out and ran towards her as fast as I could, having no idea what I was doing but reacting on pure instinct.
The last thing I remembered was pushing her away from the speeding van that came to crush her before everything went black.
So this was it. I came face to face with the fact that the only thing I feared more than dying myself was losing someone I cared about. But I never would've thought in a million years that this was the one thing to end my own life. Of course my life would be cruelly ironic in that way;having to choose between my deepest fears.
But now it was over. At least I died knowing I gave someone a chance at happiness. Perhaps I would even be celebrated as a hero, or just an idiot who gave his life for a girl he just met. Both were considerable possibilities.
I saw a bright light forming in the distance and went towards it. Then it slowly faded.
I opened my eyes staring at the ceiling. Was I back home; did it all finally come to an end?
"He's awake" a female voice said. It was a nurse standing next to my bed.
"it seems someone up there likes you" the woman said as she smiled at me "I will go and get the doctor" she added before walking out of the door.
I then noticed Bella and Charlie were in the room with me. She sat down holding her jacket on her lap while he stood, his hands in his jacket.
So I was back in Forks hospital. Why didn't the universe just let me die? At least my dream theory was definitely out of the window now.
I was surprised that I felt almost nothing after what I assumed had just happened to me. All I felt was numb. Maybe it was still the adrenaline rushing through me.
"I'm going to get some water" Charlie said, squeezing her shoulder then he was out of the door leaving us alone.
"Hey" she said "How are you feeling?"
"For someone who just got run over by a van.. I'd say I'm doing pretty amazing" I answered, my voice was sounding hoarse.
She opened her mouth to say something but then I saw Carlisle entering the room, wearing his white doctor's coat. Now I did feel something but it wasn't pain, it was fiery anger and disappointment. I glared at him.
"How are things looking?" I asked him, my voice still having a rough edge.
"You're extremely lucky to be alive. The van hit you hard enough to knock you back unconscious to the ground, but it came to an stop after that" he paused "Except some bruised ribs and mild concussion you'll be fine. We gave you painstillers so you wouldn't wake up in pain, but it's best if you take the next few days to rest and move as little as possible."
"What happened to Bella?" I asked.
I couldn't help but have Bella's safety being the first thing on my mind, after all if she got hurt then my sacrifice would've been for nothing. I also couldn't believe I was alive and talking right now, the van should've crushed me but it didn't. Maybe the nurse was right and I had God to thank for this, and I did.
"She fell to the ground after you pushed her but besides some slight abrasions she's healthy and alive- thanks to you. You did something that was incredibly brave and heroic"
Charlie came back inside with two glasses of water, he offered one to Bella but she refused, shaking her head.
I tried to sit up and this was when I felt an excruciating pain spreading throughout my body- it felt as if my lungs were going to collapse at any moment and I couldn't breathe.
"Do you guys mind if I talk to Carlisle alone for a moment?" I asked, my attention directed towards Charlie and Bella.
They stood up and Charlie led her outside, his arm around her shoulder.
I waited for a minute until they closed the door. Then breathed in and out slowly to calm myself down, I knew I could have somewhat of a temper when I cared deeply about something and right now I was furious.
"What happened?" I asked
"I don't know" he answered "I was driving to Charlie's house like I told you last night but on the road my car suddenly decided to break down and give up on me" he furrowed his eyebrows, clearly confused by this fact as well.
"By the time I had it working again it was already too late and there was an accident reported at your school so I made my way there as fast as I could"
"Your car broke down while trying to prevent this accident from happening, that's strange don't you think?"
"It's peculiar, to say the least"
"Do you think that maybe fate doesn't like being messed with?"
He was quiet for a second, collecting his thoughts.
"I don't know but considering what just happened, that is a strong possibility"
I sighed in frustration "I'm mostly someone to believe in coincidence, but these days I don't know anymore" I admitted.
Right then I didn't know what or who I was angry at exactly, it wasn't Carlisle's fault so it wasn't directed towards him. I guess I was just mad at the universe, or even God himself. But perhaps I had to accept the fact that some things were just outside of my control.
At that moment the door opened and Bella appeared in the door opening.
"Can I talk with Adam for a moment?" She asked quietly
"Sure. He's all yours" he answered, smiling at her. He walked out of the door, then glanced back at me once more before closing it behind him.
She came and sat next to me on the bed. I was suddenly speechless. And again I couldn't help but smile like an idiot when I looked at her.
"So, what did you want to talk with me about?" I asked after a moment of silence.
"Well foremost I wanted to know if you were doing okay. Tyler's van hit you pretty hard"
"It still hurts a lot but it's getting better each passing moment. Like Carlisle said it's just a few bruises and a concussion, thankfully"
"Yeah" she looked down, fidgeting with her fingers and sighed.
"I thought the van was going to crush me but then I felt your hand pushing me away and.." she stopped before taking a deep breather. "When I opened my eyes I saw you laying there. It looked really bad when it hit you"
"I know but I'm doing okay. I'm just glad you're not hurt"
"That's the thing Adam, you jumped infront of a van for me.. how did you even know it was going to happen?"
"What do you mean?" I pretended, obviously I knew what she meant.
"Like yesterday you told me not to come to school as if you knew something bad was going to happen. So how did you know?"
Was this the moment when I would turn her whole world upside down, and tell her the truth?
I stayed quiet for a moment while trying to figure out what to say. I hated having to lie to her but somehow I just couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. I didn't know how to or how she would react to that information.
"I don't know.. I think it was just a coincidence. I know you don't like the cold so I thought you would want to stay warm and cozy in your bed today"
She looked at me with her expressive brown eyes and frowned. Clearly not believing my bullshit story.
She sighed, and looked down again "I should have stayed home like you told me to."
"In hindsight yes but it's okay, you can't predict something like that would happen"
Except if you were me, which was either a blessing or a curse.
"It would have saved me from all this regret"
"Don't. You don't have to feel guilty okay? There was no way you knew that was going to happen. I made my choice"
"I don't even know how to pay you back."
"I don't want you to. Bella I did it to save your life. The only reward for me is that you're alive and breathing right now"
She smiled slightly then bit her bottom lip "Why? Why didn't you let the van crush me as it was supposed to. Why did you even bother." She stroked a strand of hair between her fingers "I don't even deserve any of that"
"You don't deserve to be alive and breathing?"
"I mean. I don't deserve what you did for me. Risking your own life"
"Bella you have no idea how special you are to m-" I swallowed and cleared my throat "I mean of course you do, you still have your whole life ahead of you"
"Huh?" she blushed intensely.
"You have your whole life-"
"What you said before that" she cut me off, adjusting her hair and avoiding eye contact.
"I don't know. I think the pain killers are making me say weird things" I lied.
"The pain killers…"
"Yes"
"Oh." she looked down. I chuckled.
"I guess what I wanted to say is.. I think you're special and I just wanted you to have a chance to live your life and be happy"
She was still looking down but I saw a smile appearing on her face; her cheeks colouring a faint red.
"There's nothing special about me.. I'm the most boring human there is" she shrugged.
"You really don't see yourself very clearly" I said, almost whispering.
Then Charlie came in and he had a look on his face when he saw us sitting next to each other in close proximity. He cleared his throat.
Bella stood up, turning towards me.
"I should go. Will I see you tomorrow at school?" She asked
"Probably not" I said, a bit of a sad tone in my voice. The idea of not seeing her again anytime soon made me sadder than I'd expected.
"I have to rest for a few days and take it easy but I'll probably be at school again before Friday"
"Oh" she responded "Well I hope you'll feel better soon"
"Thank you" I said, smiling at her. "We can talk again soon at school if you want.."
"Yes" she said as I saw her face brighten up, her eyes twinkling a little in excitement. She seemed a bit embarrassed and blushed as she noticed Charlie was still standing at the door opening waiting for her.
We told each other goodbye and I went home with Carlisle
The next few days I stayed at home, laying in bed to heal and read books. Thankfully the Cullens had a whole library full of them so getting bored was the least of my concerns.
Apparently I was the talk of the school for the whole week. Some thought I was crazy as others considered me some kind of hero. Then others.. most likely guys like Mike and Eric were mostly concerned about me possibly stealing Bella from them.
At least that was what my newfound siblings told me.
In reality I didn't know how much truth there was in any of it, but I knew that I didn't regret my decision. Seeing Bella healthy and alive warmed my heart and eased any of the physical pain I had. Maybe I was crazy, but it was worth it.
I knew however that the horrible events in her life were far from over and if I learned anything from today it was that I was going to have to fight fate in order to keep her alive.
Thinking about fate.. where the hell was Edward?