Birdkit kneaded the soft moss in her nest until she shaped it into a perfect circle. She sat back down on her haunches, admiring her handiwork. A soft purr emitted from her chest. Much better than that messy Talonkit. She looked up at the dark sky that peeked through the bramble thickets. Where is he, anyway?
"Making moss balls?" The sneer came from Owlkit. Birdkit swung around on her haunches and glared at the bigger kit, lashing her tail back-and-forth. He was watching her from the corner of the nursery, sitting on his haunches. He was bigger than her, but she wasn't scared of him.
"So what if I am?" Birdkit demanded. "What are you doing?"
"Practicing my training," Owlkit said, drawing a paw over his whiskers. "Not being useless, like you are."
Birdkit bit back a spiteful retort. Thistlesnow had explained to her that Owlkit was short-tempered – and sometimes cruel – because he had lost his father at a very young age, and that had led to his mother, Blossomflower, becoming depressed. Most of Owlkit's parenting had been from the other queens in the nursery, to the point where Blossomflower no longer frequented the nursery and returned to her duties as a warrior. Owlkit never spoke about her, and Blossomflower barely came to see him. Birdkit let her fur flatten. She understood why Owlkit spoke the way he did. It came from a place of pain, and she was well aware he wasn't trying to hurt her. It's the only way he knows.
"What were you training for?" Birdkit asked.
"Battle," Owlkit replied. "Snakepaw taught me this super cool move. Watch." The brown tabby kit rose on his hind legs, and for a moment, Birdkit thought he was going to stumble. But he was steady, balancing on only two legs, and then he leaped straight over Birdkit, the tips of his back claws scraping her spine. Birdkit winced – he didn't break skin, but she could only imagine the damage it would do if he put all his strength into the blow, and if his claws were all the way unsheathed.
"That was really cool!" Birdkit exclaimed as Owlkit spun on his heel and faced Birdkit.
"You think so?" Owlkit asked, his amber eyes shining. "I'm going to be the best fighter ever!"
Owlkit's statement sent a shiver down Birdkit's spine. Why did every ShadowClan cat want to fight? Maybe Owlkit could explain it to her.
"Owlkit, why do you want to fight so much?" Birdkit asked as Owlkit shredded up some moss from his nest and tossed it in the air.
"What?" Owlkit turned around and stared at Birdkit as if she had grown a second head. "To protect ShadowClan, of course."
"From what?" Birdkit pressed.
"From the other Clans!" Owlkit exclaimed. "Don't you know ShadowClan's motto? Strength and honor."
"Of course I know," Birdkit argued. The three words were memorized into every ShadowClan kit's minds at birth. "I just don't know what we need to fight for. So many lives are lost, and for what? For some extra territory?"
"I can't believe you're related to Talonkit," Owlkit sighed, scrutinizing her from narrowed eyes. "Didn't you hear that he's going to train to be one of the Great Generals of ShadowClan?"
"What?" Birdkit leaped to her paws. Her brother was going to train to be a general of ShadowClan? That would put him along the lines of her father Sparrowflight and Featherheart. Those two cats had the most dangerous job in the Clan – protecting their leader, at all costs. In the Clans, the leader was what held the Clan together. Without a leader, the Clan was nothing, and other Clans could take that opportunity to attack. It was the job of the Great Generals to give their lives for their leader. So, Talonkit wants to do that? Is there any way I can talk him out of it?
"If you don't want to fight, Birdkit, what do you want to be?" Owlkit asked, tilting his head. "You can't be a warrior if you can't fight, and you can't retire to the elders' den. You'll have to leave the Clan."
Birdkit blinked twice. Owlkit had a point. She had no interest in fighting. But how could she be of any use to her Clan without fighting, in the era of chaos and warfare? Birdkit turned her back to Owlkit, and the tension hung heavy in the air. Birdkit could only a hear a soft but mumbled, "…I'm sorry," before pawsteps echoed across the den and out of the thicket.
He's right, Birdkit thought miserably as she curled up into a ball in her nest. I won't be able to provide anything to ShadowClan if I can't fight. But I just can't see myself laying a claw on another cat. Oh, StarClan, grant me an answer! She shut her eyes, tightening her short gray-and-white tail over her nose, and allowed sleep to lull her over.
When Birdkit opened her eyes, she was overlooking the dip in the pine forest that made ShadowClan's camp. Shock made her heart flip in her chest. How had she gotten here? She had just been in the nursery moments ago. She looked up at the night sky – there was only a scratch of moonlight, indicating that it was moonhigh. Birdkit looked around, spotting Fallensnow scrambling up the exit to camp and plunging into the pine trees.
"Fallensnow!" Birdkit called out.
There was no reply from the flecked tom. He simply disappeared into the pine forest, as if he had not even heard Birdkit in the first place.
"He didn't hear you." Birdkit spun around at the unfamiliar voice and found herself face-to-face with a small, light brown tabby tom with pale amber eyes and a bright pink nose. Scents of herbs clung to his pelt, and his shape was outlined with stars. Even his eyes seemed to glow with starshine. Is this… is he…
"Yes." The tom purred loudly. "I am a StarClan cat. You may not have heard of me, but my name is Littlecloud. I was the ShadowClan medicine cat under Nightstar, Tigerstar, and then Blackstar."
Tigerstar. The name sent a shudder through Birdkit's pelt. Tigerstar had been a cruel, ruthless sociopath. When ShadowClan cats spoke of strength and honor, they used Tigerstar as an example of what strength and honor was not. Shaking away any thoughts of Tigerstar, Birdkit stared at Littlecloud.
"I'm honored to meet you," Birdkit said, her voice a small squeak from being in the presence of such an ancient cat. "But… why are you meeting with me? What business do you have with me?" Am I going to die? She didn't dare put the question in words.
"StarClan has seen you struggle." Littlecloud sat down and wrapped his tail around his paws. "I knew I wanted to be a medicine cat when there was an illness that ran rampant in ShadowClan. My friend and I, Whitethroat, escaped our Clan to go to ThunderClan, to see if there was anything they could do. Cinderpelt from ThunderClan broke the warrior code to treat us. When I saw how her herbs healed me, that was how I knew I could make a difference to my Clan without harming any cat. I could save lives instead of take them. Perhaps that's a path you can see yourself on?"
"A medicine cat?" Birdkit gasped, thinking about Stormbrook. Stormbrook was ShadowClan's medicine cat – a bit grouchy, but he always meant well and was dedicated to taking care of his Clanmates as if they were his own children. "But there's so many herbs, so many illnesses, treatments… how would I know where to start?" She tried to imagine herself in the paws of a medicine cat, sharing with StarClan, treating epidemics, and yet it didn't seem possible.
"That's where your training comes in," Littlecloud meowed. "Did you really think medicine cats learn all of their skills instantaneously? It takes years for them to perfect their craft, much longer than warriors. But it's all worth it in the end."
"I don't know." Birdkit stepped back. "Why does it feel like it's the same thing as a warrior? As a warrior, if you hold a cat beneath you, you have the power to end or save their lives. It feels the same like a medicine cat, but with herbs. You can treat them, or you can't."
"You want to save lives, Birdkit," Littlecloud meowed. "A ShadowClan warrior is expected to end the lives of his opponents if they do not surrender. But a ShadowClan medicine cat is expected to save the lives she can – even if they come from a different Clan. This may be the answer to your questions."
"Maybe…" Birdkit arched her ears, trying to think about what Littlecloud was saying. A loud yowl split through the pine forest, and Birdkit opened her eyes, finding herself in the nursery again. But she couldn't ignore what she had heard, and so she scrambled to her paws. She followed the direction of the yowl, and when she looked over her shoulder, she was surprised to see that Littlecloud was following her. He's in the real world, too? As the yowling became louder, Birdkit recognized who it was. Fallensnow!
Birdkit had never been outside the camp before, and she had no idea where she was going. She was simply following the sound. But Littlecloud knew exactly where he was heading, and Birdkit found herself following him instead. The two cats skidded to a halt when Birdkit set her gaze on the most horrifying sight of her life.
Fallensnow was laying, limp on the ground, a grisly wound on his chest. Blood bubbled from his mouth, and his eyes, although still seeing, stared at the sky. Birdkit turned and stared at Littlecloud, panic making her heart race and her chest tighten. "Tell me what to do!" she exclaimed. "You're a medicine cat. We can't let him die!"
Littlecloud nodded rapidly. "You're right. Birdkit, I'm going to go find some marigold leaves. There's a few cobwebs off that pine tree over there – grab those and staunch it against his wound to stop the blood. I'll be right back."
"There's no time to waste!" Birdkit cried out as Littlecloud disappeared into the woods. Birdkit bounded over to the pine tree where the cobwebs hung off and ripped them with her teeth. She plastered them over Fallensnow's wound, as tight as she could to staunch the blood flow. A strange scent emitted from Fallensnow – of oaks and birch, the slight hint of squirrel and mouse. ThunderClan. A ThunderClan cat did that. But it wasn't important to her right now. The most important thing to Birdkit was saving Fallensnow's life. But I can't do it with just cobwebs! she thought.
As if her panicked thoughts summoned Littlecloud, the former ShadowClan medicine cat appeared holding a bundle of herbs. He dropped the various leaves and berries next to Birdkit. He nodded to the first herb – it was a bright orange flower with wide, unfolding petals. "This is marigold," Littlecloud explained. "Chew it up into a paste and rub it on the wound."
There was no time to question Littlecloud's instructions. Fallensnow's life depended on this. Birdkit grabbed the leaves in her mouth and started to chew, her teeth grinding into the petals. The taste was bitter, but once she had managed to chew it into a pulp, she started to rub it on Fallensnow's ragged wound.
"Some water," Littlecloud murmured, pushing a soaked bundle of moss towards Birdkit. Birdkit nodded and picked up the moss by her teeth, allowing the water to fall in droplets in Fallensnow's mouth. Fallensnow swallowed but let out a moan of pain as he shut his eyes.
"What's this?" Birdkit asked, nodding to the strange-looking root next to the dock leaf Littlecloud had.
"Comfrey root," Littlecloud replied. "Chew it and mix it with the goldenrod right here." He nodded to a tall plant with bright yellow flowers next to his small paws. "It should stop any infection, and if you are out of cobwebs, search for horsetail. Stormbrook will know."
"Wait!" Birdkit stared at Littlecloud, but when Fallensnow groaned, she quickly got back to work to treating his wound. "I can't carry him back to camp on my own! And neither can you – you're a spirit!"
"I'll find a cat for you and bring them here," Littlecloud promised. "Just keep treating him as I've been telling you."
"Okay," Birdkit said, tightening her voice so it would not tremble. She did not want Littlecloud to see how scared she really was. She watched as the StarClan cat bounded away, leaving a trail of stars behind him. Birdkit turned and pressed the mixture of herbs into Fallensnow's wound. Every time the tom groaned in pain, Birdkit winced, but the truth of the matter was that she was hurting him to save him.
The leaves of the pine trees rustled, and two familiar scents wafted around Birdkit's nostrils. Birdkit turned her head to see Stormbrook and Toadstep, staring at her with wide eyes. Littlecloud was next to them too, but Birdkit doubted that the two cats could see him, with his pale, star-shined outline. Maybe Stormbrook does, though.
"Birdkit!" Toadstep exclaimed as Stormbrook bounded over to Fallensnow, urgently looking over the wound. "What happened here?"
Wait a minute… Everything had happened so quickly that Birdkit hadn't had time to process the reality of the situation. This was real. This was no dream! Fallensnow really was hurt, and Littlecloud had visited her in the waking world! She hadn't woken up to a dream – she had woken up, climbed out of the hollow, and had seen Littlecloud and Fallensnow. This is so surreal…
Littlecloud hissed something in Stormbrook's ear. Stormbrook's ears pricked, and that was when Birdkit realized that Stormbrook was very well aware of Littlecloud's presence. Stormbrook cleared his throat. "It seems as if Birdkit must have gone on some late-night adventure," he meowed, his voice level. "Birdkit, you found Fallensnow here?"
Birdkit nodded. "He was really injured!" she exclaimed.
"And you treated him?" Toadstep asked dubiously, walking over to Fallensnow and sniffing the wound. His nose wrinkled as Stormbrook heaved the injured speckled warrior over Toadstep's broad back.
"I…" Birdkit's voice trailed off. How could she explain that Littlecloud had helped her? Would Toadstep believe her? Did Stormbrook believe her? Birdkit cast a glance at Stormbrook, whose face indicated nothing of his true feelings. But he had protected Birdkit so far.
"She must have seen me treat her father when he had that nasty gash," Stormbrook meowed. "Perhaps she applied some of the same knowledge. Didn't you, Birdkit?" He glanced over at the gray-and-white kit. Birdkit nodded quickly.
Toadstep's eye whiskers were furrowed in suspicion.
"There's no time for this interrogation," Stormbrook suddenly snapped. "We need to get him back to camp so I can treat him properly." He nudged Toadstep's haunches with his tail, and the brown-and-white tabby took off, with Fallensnow hanging on his back. Stormbrook scooped up Birdkit in his jaws and followed Toadstep. Birdkit looked over her shoulder to see Littlecloud watching them, his blue eyes glittering with stars.
"Know your destiny, Birdkit," Littlecloud meowed until his figure disappeared slowly.
My destiny… Birdkit thought as she hung from Stormbrook's jaws. Stormbrook pelted through the pine forest, his black-and-gray tail swarming behind him, kicking up pine needles. He leaped down the dip that made the camp, Toadstep in front of him with Fallensnow's body still on his back. Toadstep headed immediately for the prickly bush that made the medicine den. He squeezed through the bramble tunnel, and Stormbrook followed suit, still holding Birdkit. Toadstep laid Fallensnow down on a pre-made mossy nest, on the sandy hollowed out floor that was surrounded with fallen pine needles.
"I can take over from here," Stormbrook replied, dropping Birdkit to the ground as Toadstep straightened his shoulders.
"I should report to Lionstar," Toadstep murmured. "Looks like ThunderClan did this."
"We must focus on healing him, first," Stormbrook said quietly. Toadstep said nothing, instead he dipped his head to Stormbrook and bounded out of the medicine den, the top of his broad shoulders scraping the bramble tunnel. Birdkit turned on her heel, ready to leave, to return to Talonkit and Thistlesnow, but Stormbrook's stern voice stopped her in her tracks. "Birdkit."
Birdkit looked over her shoulder. "Yes?" she asked timidly.
"Littlecloud helped you treat Fallensnow, didn't he?" Stormbrook inquired, massaging a pulp of marigold on Fallensnow's throat wound.
There was no point in lying. Birdkit nodded.
"Tell me exactly how this happened," Stormbrook said. Tension sparked in the air between the two cats. Birdkit thought she was about to choke on it. At least he believes me.
"I thought I was dreaming," Birdkit confessed. "It felt like a dream, since I saw a StarClan cat – Littlecloud. He introduced himself to me, so I imagined I was dreaming! I must've climbed out of the hollow without even thinking about it, I was just so preoccupied with talking to him. Then I heard a scream, so Littlecloud and I followed it. It was Fallensnow – he was badly injured, and Littlecloud talked me through treating his wounds."
"Did he say anything else?" Stormbrook asked.
Birdkit paused.
"Well?" Stormbrook's voice was laced with impatience.
"He said that, since I didn't want to take lives, I should consider saving them instead," Birdkit said quietly, feeling her paws prick.
"So he suggested you become a medicine cat," Stormbrook said, narrowing his eyes.
"I guess." Birdkit shrugged.
"You know you are unlike any other ShadowClan kit, correct?" Stormbrook finally turned his head from Fallensnow to meet Birdkit's gaze. "You know your denmates. Your brother wants to be one of ShadowClan's Great Generals. Owlkit battle trains because it distracts him from the fact that his father is dead and his mother is still lost in her grief to notice him. Eaglekit and Hawkkit wish not to die for just their Clan, but for each other, because their kinship is so strong. Shrewkit will follow in Talonkit's pawsteps, and Leafkit is willing to do what it takes to protect the cats close to him. All of that involves fighting, and in unfortunate cases, killing. But you want nothing to do with that."
"It's not that I don't want to defend my Clan or protect my kin!" Birdkit exclaimed, leaping to her paws. "It's just…"
"You don't want to kill," Stormbrook murmured, finishing her sentence.
Birdkit sighed. "For my denmates, it's easy. For the warriors, it's simple. They see other cats as enemies, evil warriors who are out to get them, no matter what. But it's different if you try to understand them."
"And sometimes understanding can lead to forgiveness," Stormbrook meowed, his eyes glinting with emotion. "It's easier to cut down evil traitors."
"I would feel guilty killing a cat who wasn't pure darkness," Birdkit muttered.
Stormbrook nodded slowly. "I see," he said, and then let out a sigh. "There is nothing ordinary about you, Birdkit. You must face it – you cannot be a warrior if you are hesitant to kill. If there is a cat that comes at one of your Clanmates, and your only option is to kill them, how do you live with what you've done? If your priority is to save lives, or at least preserve them, then Littlecloud was right." He took a deep breath. "You must become a medicine cat."
Birdkit stared at Stormbrook, her eyes wide. Me? Be the medicine cat of ShadowClan?
But how?