Chapter 4- Making Amends

ANGELICA'S POV

Castiel and I were currently making out which would have gone further if my head was in the game. I kept thinking of Dean and how I hurt him just four days prior to today. Right at this moment we were kissing, fully clothed and damn if I would let him pull away this time just because I was stuck in my head. If he noticed he didn't say anything, but he did try to stop before we did something we would regret in the long run. I wouldn't let him pull away though, not with all these raging hormones roaring within me begging for pleasure and release. I would take anything I could get which sometimes infuriated me to no end.

He was on top of me. I would occasionally buck my hips, the most sensitive part of me rubbing against the most sensitive part of him, causing him to groan. I felt his hard erection throbbing between my legs as my nipples hardened underneath him.

He broke the kiss lifting his head as he whispered raggedly or coarsely, "Angel I think... I really think we should..."

I pulled him down and kissed him with all my heart before he could finish.

"Angel..." he said in a constricted moan. "We should stop..."

"No, it's okay Cas." I said wanting more. A breathless whimper escaped me as I bucked my hips a little harder.

"Fuck Angel!" he whispered before backing off me to start sitting on the edge of the bed far enough from my grasp. "We can't...we can't do this..."

"Why? I'm not asking for sex yet. I just want you to touch me."

He moved back over to me, and we resumed our position on the bed but this time I flipped him over and began kissing him. He flipped us back over after a while and kissed my collarbone pulling my skin into his mouth making me gasp. He removed my top and bra, flinging it somewhere away from us as I lifted to give him better access as he began biting and kissing where he had access to. Then he added his hands making me wish they never left each spot he touched exploring my every contour and played me like a finely tuned instrument as I brushed my hands through his hair.

I began moving his T-shirt from him, but he pulled away.

I lifted my head and lifted myself up with my elbows. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." The answer came out as quickly as my question.

"Tell me."

"You won't like what you see." he said before covering his face to hide his humiliation in reference to the slight pudge he had going on there in his belly area.

"It's just me." was the only response that came to mind, so I said it. The words had the desired effect and calmed him as I placed reassuring kisses on his face. After all I was his friend before becoming his girlfriend. That had to mean something, right?

I removed his top and this time he didn't resist. He gathered the courage and opened his eyes to gauge my reaction. My face had nothing but a look of appreciation, love and adoration. He wasn't exactly muscular but was somewhat extremely toned and he had a six pack if that makes sense. He also had that v shaped muscle that went downwards into his jeans fully there in no need of developing back again. He was perfect in every way, in every sense of the word.

"I think it's sexy." I said tracing along his stomach with my fingertips as I finally looked up at him.

He laughed at what I said before his face turned serious with a hint of embarrassment yet curiosity. "You do?"

I nodded and he leaned back over brushing our noses together whisper soft before kissing me again. I flipped us over and began trailing kisses along his upper body along his neck to his stomach which elicited his breath to hitch a little which made me smile from not knowing I could get that reaction out of him until I got to his jeans.

I moved back up his upper body and rested my hand on the side of his face as our lips met in a passionate and tender kiss filled with love and promise. As soon as his lips leave mine, he continued kissing the other side of my neck, this time kissing and nipping which would most likely leave a hickey, causing me to moan and I thought it was amazing of how he could make me feel as he cupped one of my breasts in his palm. I stifled a moan not wanting it to end. I made sure to mark him in the process like he did me earlier. He kissed my shoulder and everywhere else he could get to causing me to breathe out his name and moan in continued bliss.

His hand let go of my breasts as he sucked them touching my stomach as it continued getting lower. I could tell he was nervous due to never doing this with me at least. I have known him for so long I know when his first kiss and heart breaks were before we were dating.

Every guy I've dated before Castiel would wind up with a kick to the groin if they tried going further than I was comfortable with, but it never happened with him. His hand went to where my wet spot was, and his finger slid inside me as I moaned. I bit down on his shoulder as though to relieve some of the pressure building inside of me.

As his fingers moved inside of me faster and faster, he sucked the skin of my throat before murmuring against my mouth. "That's it. Come for me baby."

His name kept falling from my lips again and again until I felt dizzy and until...

"God Cas, don't…don't stop, oh…"

The pressure released from what started at my core down to my toes in tingles in what felt like a wildfire or earthquake through my orgasm. Then he began licking and nibbling down my legs and in between my thighs.

We rolled over so I was on top of him as I paid attention to his stomach again. I wanted to give him as much pleasure as he was giving me, so I unbuckled his belt.

"Cas," I said nippling his lower lip. "I want to try something."

"What would that be?"

"This," I said as I wrapped my hand around his cock, and he groaned which gave my nervous hand the courage to start rubbing up and down. I think all his thoughts flew all out the window as I continued. I bent my head down and licked his tip, teasing him with my tongue before taking his whole cock into my mouth as his hand naturally came down onto the back of my hair as he softly moaned. Then my hand resumed its task.

"Angel..." he said in a muffled moan before he came into my mouth. I swallowed it and hovered over him nibbling his bottom lip eventually kissing him. He growled as he tasted himself on me before switching our position.

"My turn," he said pulling my pajama bottoms down all the way along with my underwear to bury his head between my legs after flipping us again so that I was on my back, and I couldn't help but let his name fall from my lips as if in silent prayer.

"Oh God... Cas...I think I want you to make love...to me... now." I said after a while under his ministrations. "I think I'm ready."

We agreed our first time nothing would be between us since it was my first time since I was on the pill. Believe it or not, I never had sex with others before him. The farthest we got was making out and him going down on me. I told him to make it as quick as he could and that I trusted him when he looked at me unsure.

"Angel…" he warned but as soon as I gave him the puppy eyes and pout he relented. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and he gave me a tender kiss as he positioned himself at my entrance pausing long enough for me to change my mind and say no.

"Please, just do it," I said when I noticed he paused. "I don't need it to be anything special like fairy lights and champagne."

He began to enter me at a slow pace as our eyes locked in a tender way as I held my breath waiting for the inevitable.

"I love you Cas."

"I love you, too," he responded softly noticing I was holding my breath. "Breathe, baby for a moment. This will hurt but not forever."

With that, he almost entered me, but I stopped him with my next statement as he was kissing my neck after looking at the pictures on my wall and nightstand of Dean and me. "I'm sorry but I can't do this."

As I look over at the two pictures sitting next to my bed on a nightstand, I couldn't help but smile at the pictures of the two of us. In those pictures was a picture of us as kids on a slide smiling at the camera without a care in the world about a year after I met him. On the next picture was of us now taken a year or so ago. In the picture we were standing with our fingers interlaced hanging between us smiling as we faced each other looking into each other's eyes. Both pictures were taken by my parents. I even had a collage of pictures of just the two of us taken by different people or my parents. I remember them like they were yesterday except I can never get those happy moments back only make new ones.

I become visibly upset and start to cry realizing I can't make new memories with him if I don't make things right.

Cas stops his attempt to enter me and pulls me up to him and gathers me into his arms brushing the tears away with the pad of his thumb only for more to spill. "Hey, hey. None of that. What's wrong? You're going to make me cry. You don't want to see that right?"

I shake my head where my head lays against his chest laughing before silent tears come down my face as I stop.

"That's my girl!" he said lifting my face up to his as he wiped my face kissing me again and my forehead.

"I messed up with Dean and I don't think he'll ever forgive me. There's something I left out when I told you what happened a few days ago. He kissed me."

"Did you kiss back?" There was a hint of hurt in his voice that he covered up by coughing into his elbow.

"I did but I didn't mean to. There was just something there and when he asked me if it meant anything to me, I lied to his face."

A tear fell down his cheek soon joined by others. "I suspected that I just didn't want to acknowledge it."

"See this is why I didn't want to tell you. I've already hurt you," I said wiping his tears away.

"Hey, don't worry about me. Fix things with him with a voicemail," he replied getting up as he helped me up. "You and I are going to have a big talk after you leave it."

Sitting on the bed leaning against Cas, I thought of what finally to say on the voicemail, but he didn't pick up from all the times I tried. The first few times I tried I hung up without sending a voicemail.

"Hy, this is Dean Winchester. I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now but if you leave your information at the dial, I'll be sure to get to you as soon as possible."

"Hey, it's me," My voice begins to crack as I said the next part. "You should know I never regretted meeting you. My true love was right in front of me all these years and I failed to notice him. That true love was you. Plus, where am I going to find another Dean Winchester? Please don't let one bitter argument ruin our friendship or what we could have. I shouldn't have let you go that day. Maybe..." The phone clicked signaling the end of the call before I could finish.

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