Different Fortunes, Season 1, Episode 1, The Old Man and the Sea.
Greetings everyone it's been a while hasn't it?
For some of you it might have seemed like I dropped off the map there, with Total Drama Homespun going dark, I apologize for the lack of updates about that. Fanfic isn't the best site for communicating with people.
To clear up some air, yes it's official, Total Drama Homespun has been deleted from the web for the time being. But it'll be back soon. I wasn't satisfied with the direction and the quality of writing so I've done some extensive rewrites. Those are nearing completion and should be out in the next few months.
In the meantime, I've been working on another secret project for you guys. One related back to Total Drama Endless, which if you haven't read this is your warning to turn away now and go read that before coming back here.
Welcome to Different Fortunes! An Elseworld concept for Total Drama Crossovers.
It's a very classic criticism of any story out there, that certain characters or concepts weren't given enough time to develop in the narrative. While this is usually a pretty understandable complaint the truth is that no story is ever going to have the time and pacing to fully explore everything it introduces, meaning unfortunately some stuff is always going to fall to the sidelines.
This is partly why I've always loved the comic concepts of Elseworld stories, or as Marvel calls them, What-Ifs? Breaking away from the main continuity always leads to some very fun one-shots that aren't bound by the normal restraints of the franchise.
Another similar genre I greatly enjoy is Alternative History, there's great fun in watching the normal timeline of history be tweaked in a way that it butterflys away from the known and into the strange and exotic.
This mini-series is a celebration of that. A series of one-shots showing how fickle history can be in the moment. Come with me as I invite all of you to take another look down memory lane and see how differently things could have gone under the right circumstances...
A room lit by oil lamps, glowing in an aethereal haze, a voice rings out across its dim expanse, coy, invocative.
"Fate is a fickle thing…"
The lamp lights dance upon statues of heroic figures, frozen in their struggles.
"…It is often the difference between glory and oblivion rests within the choices of a single moment. Our destinies forever gambling their way through the great game of life."
A bust appears, a contemporary figure sculpted in Greek marble, the unmistakable grin of Chris McLean.
"…You've come the know the choices made in one such game. Come to know their consequences as inevitable."
The bust cracks, splinters. Pieces soaring outward, breaking into fractal patterns.
"…Yet, upon the path walked in life, there is the shadow of a thousand choices not taken, and in the infinite abyss of all creation, even the most unlikely fates are made reality."
Perched on her dais, surrounded by cornucopias overflowing with gold, A goddess appears from the haze, white robes over Mediterranean skin, bronze curls spilling from a golden crown, her eyes masked by a cloth blindfold.
"To the Greeks, I was Tyche, Goddess of Fortune, to you I am your hostess. You are in my domain now
You think you know fate?"
The goddess's lips curl into a smile as she holds aloof a golden coin, she flicks it in the air.
"…Let's see how different it could have been?"
…
(Spoilers for Total Drama Endless)
…
The door to the Fact Hunters room burst open and a deluge of mist pours out of the doorway. Rick Sanchez emerges from the fog.
"I did it! I ****** did it!"
"Great, can we finally sleep in our own beds now?" Beatrice quips.
"Later," Rick says. "Everyone get in here quick I'll explain inside."
Slowly and groggily. The Fact Hunters shuffle onto their feet and march back into their barrack. Rick and Doofenshmirtz are standing there waiting for them, surrounded by strange and complex scientific equipment.
"The hell have you two done to the room?" Indiana asks indignantly.
"We'll worry about that later," Rick tells him. "Remember when I said the only thing giving the other teams a chance is that they've got those freaky gem-powered superwomen?"
"Vaguely," Roy says.
"Good, Because I've created a way for one of us to become one of them," Rick says.
He pulls out a syringe filled with a strange crystalline substance.
"Wait, what?" Beatrice says.
"It wasn't easy," Rick admits. "We're talking real cutting-edge science here, took that whole stash of gemstones and even some help from this guy."
He gestures to Doofenshmirtz who blushes.
"Oh, it was nothing, you know I'm always glad to lend a hand to an aspiring evil scientist."
"Yeah, apparently this guy's some kind of idiot savant. I'm surprised too." Rick says.
"Well, how about that Rick? Looks like you can't judge a book by its cover can you?" Dipper asks smugly.
"Alright Dippy Fresh, don't overstep your boundary," Rick says. Dipper scowls.
"That's not saying much coming from someone who wants to physically transform his teammates into some kind of rock monster."
" I've only got enough formula for one person and that's sure hell not gonna be you," Rick says.
"What!? Why not?"
"You seriously think you could handle this kind of power?" Rick asks him.
"I-I don't know." Dipper stammers. "Did you think Doof could help make it?"
"Drop it, kid. You're not getting an upgrade, much as you need one. We need someone competent, but not too competent so that if this destroys them it'll be a big loss." He thinks for a moment. "Beatrice!"
The girl backs away slowly. "Oh no you don't."
"Come on, you've got the right body type and everything," Rick says.
He takes a swipe with the needle at her, she bolts to the other side of the room, Rick corners her between one of the beds and the wall.
"Listen, much as I don't want to lose, I've already had enough body transformation for one lifetime," Beatrice says eyeing his needle nervously.
"Even better, if you're used to the process we won't have to worry about fixing any psychological trauma," Rick says.
He goes in for another jab, she takes the opportunity to hop over the bed and get past him. Rick gets up only to find Indiana and Lenny standing between him and Beatrice.
"Much as I hate to interrupt this show and dance, I think I'd speak for everyone I saying we appreciate the experiments but it'd be preferable if you could act more like Doctor Willy and less like Professor Hojo," Lenny says.
"He's right… I think." Indy says. "The girl said no, find someone else."
Rick gives them a contemplative look.
"Gentlemen you make a decent point."
Lenny smiles pleasantly. "Glad that you see things our way,"
"…Counterpoint, I'm literally always right about everything."
With surprising agility, Rick leaps past the two men, His needle landing in Beatrice's arm.
The girl screams and collapses to the ground, convulsing. Eyes dilated and unfocused.
"What did you do?" Indiana yelps hoarsely.
"Shut up and trust the process!" Rick counters.
Beatrice's writhing grows more and more erratic until... Beatrice Suddenly reverts back to normal and picks herself off the ground.
"Wow. Really hated that. Thanks Rick."
"Oh gosh, she's alright guys!" Dipper exclaims, looking deeply relieved.
Rick looks confused.
"Hey Doof, do your "inators" you speak so fondly off have a habit of not working? Because now'd be a great time to know."
"No, no. It's funny actually, I've got an almost perfect track record with the inators, you know they all work perfectly." Doctor Doofenshmirtz insists.
"Seems it failed this time," Indy says.
"Great." Beatrice looks annoyed. "No, actually, I'm really glad that was all for nothing."
"Now wait, you don't know that!" Doof says.
Beatrice takes a step forward then collapses again, body shuttering once more. Once she's picked herself back up again, she gets a fleeting glance at her hand and gasps. The others crowd around her. Doof and Rick both give a vindicated smile.
"…Maybe it just needs some time to work," Doof says.
…
"In the story you know the young Beatrice found herself at the mercy of contrasting fortunes. Dancing on the knife's edge between victory and defeat for most of the game. While it is true she eventually found the strength to overcome her many trials to reach the finale her time amongst the Fact Hunters was an unhappy one. Feeling as if she was an outsider, pushing people away, and eventually feuding viciously with Rick Sanchez. But for want of a moment's choice made by her old enemy, Beatrice's fate took a different path."
…
Later in the day Amethyst, Dipper, Yao and Perry the Platypus cower in a dark corner of the Nostromo. Yerdey Yisme in his Xenomorph costume bearing down on them. Suddenly all four look past him and gasp.
Yerdey pauses uncertainly.
"What are you people looking at?"
A coil of water strikes him, slicing through the costume. He falls to the floor and looks up startled at what the others see.
There stands a girl, her blue face flecked with golden freckles, her regency gown simplified and embroidered with blue geometric patterns. Her auburn hair now ultramarine and tied with gold lace.
There was no mistaking it.
Beatrice hadn't just become a gem…
…She'd become another Lapis Lazuli.
…
"HOOOOOOOOOOOO **** SON!"
Rick and Doofenshmirtz practically prance around their newest creation, giddy as schoolgirls.
Doof giggles excitedly, his normally squeaky voice even higher than usual. "Perry the Platypus can attest, but I'm not used to my inators being allowed to work without any catches so this is a big moment!"
"We ******* killed it Doc!" Rick agrees. "See what happens when you people listen to me!?"
"Not that you gave us a choice." Indy grumbles. He locks eyes with Beatrice.
"How you feeling kid?"
"Less weird than when I was a bluebird actually," She admits. "You guys are going to change me back after this is over right?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah sure, worry about that later." Rick insists. "Let me see those water powers."
"Uh… alright."
She directs her attention to their barrack's bathroom. Dramatically she raises a forearm.
The sink explodes in a burst of water, sending a faucet knob careening into Dipper's forehead.
"AGH!"
"Ah cheese and crackers. Sorry." Beatrice says with a wince. "Guess I'm not good at this."
"You'll get better!" Rick says, an affirmative hand on her shoulder. Beatrice looks up at him surprised, she's been so used this past week of only seeing the old scientist care for himself. Now though he was looking at her with unconcealed pride. Pride for his own invention, she told herself. Still, she had to admit, it was a nice change.
There's a very firm knock on the door. Roy glides over to it with his usual aloofness.
"Fact Hunter Residences, to whom of our hopelessly inferior rivals thinks they're worth our time tonight?"
"Just open the door!"
Indy opens it finding there before them, the two natural gems that had inspired Rick and Doof's latest experiments. The stout Amethyst from Short N Spunky and the team gem of the Flower Girls, the original Lapis Lazuli, who looked uncharacteristically agitated.
"Sup Nerds! We came to say hi to the new gem!"
"Oh!" Chirps Doof. "Excited to meet your new friend we created I see?"
Lapis gives him a stony look.
"Where is she?"
Beatrice shuffles into view, mildly bashful before the two creatures whose identity she's now assumed.
"Uh, hi guys. Guess I'm one of you know."
"No, you're not one of us!" Lapis Lazuli says firmly. The Fact Hunters seem surprised.
"I thought we were the same gem type or something?" Beatrice asks.
"You're not a gem!" Lapis says exasperatedly. "You can't be a gem! You were a human this morning!"
"I know. It's weird. Wasn't really my choice."
"Then change back! Change back now!"
Beatrice flinches back. The other gem's voice filled with distress.
"Fair's fair ladies."
Rick has returned to Beatrice's side.
"I don't appreciate being left out of **** got that? If your teams both get crazy space women with incredible powers then we get one too. Even if we had to make one ourselves."
"We have to hang onto our competitive edge!" Dipper insists, walking over, now brandishing a black eye.
Amethyst chuckles.
"Pretty sure you guys were already winning way too many challenges but hey whatever. Still awesome to get a new gem. If you we can take you under the wing and show you the ropes tomorrow right Lapis?"
"What? No! We're not doing that!"
"That's fine, I'll manage on my own," Beatrice says. Amethyst shrugs.
"Aight, give us a shout if you change your mind."
"Hopefully you'll change your mind about a lot of things," Lapis says.
Rick takes a swig of his trusty flask, belches then sneers down at the Flower Girl.
"Keep dreaming."
Lapis storms off, Amethyst shuffling after her. A strange pit of disappointment stirs in Beatrice's newly rearranged gut.
"I was kind of hoping Other Lapis would be more cool about this."
"Don't let her get to you kid," Rick says. "I'll train you myself tomorrow."
He gives her a gruff smile. Almost in spite of herself, Beatrice grins back.
…
"In life, Rick Sanchez's mind was as fleeting as it was brilliant. In your story after transforming Lenny into a gem, Rick's desire to personally oversee his project quickly faded. Perhaps he innately recognized that someone as aloof as Lenny could only be governed sparingly, perhaps his lack of specialized power gave Lenny's transformation a lack of focus.
Yet with Beatrice as his muse, and Lapis Lazuli providing a benchmark to be surpassed a stubborn comparativeness took root in Richard's mind, causing him to pour himself into Beatrice's development.
Soon the fruits of his labour became apparent."
…
"Made it!"
Lapis burst from the left door of the lounge, wings of liquid water dissipating behind her. The other contestants who had already made it through the Rodney House look up from what they're doing to see who's arrived.
"Yo Lapis!" Amethyst calls. "Welcome to the party!"
Lapis looks around, the rooms already starting to get crowded, with most of the other two teams and the ship crew now lounging about. Although of course not a single other member of her team.
"Wait, we're my team?" She asks.
"They got some kind of bet going, seems like they're taking the scenic route."
Lapis groans.
"What about… Her?"
"You mean us?"
To her disgust she finds Rick Sanchez sitting at the bar. His fake gem Beatrice perched next to him.
"Hey, Lapis! Guess who was the second one out after the Platypus!?" Rick taunts.
"Having water wings made it pretty easy," Beatrice admits.
"It didn't for me." Lapis growls. The diplomatic smile Beatrice had been wearing disappears and an almost haughty look takes its place.
"Maybe you need more practice."
"I have thousands of years of practice with them!" Lapis shouts back.
"Doesn't look like it's doing you much good." Wednesday Addams observes, dryly.
"HO HO! HOLY ****!" Rick cackles. "Goddamn Wednesday! You ******* Got'em son! Show me some skin!"
A tiny crack of a smile graces Wednesday as Rick high-fives first her, then Beatrice, then Amethyst.
Lapis grins her teeth and covers her face with her hands.
…
It's a few hours later when Peach and Janna arrive in tandem, their bet having been settled in a draw much to the gathered crowd of contestants' chagrin. When the last contestant still in the house, a Short N Spunky member named Tomoko falls to materialize Rodney himself goes to talk with her and discovers she's intent on staying.
That night a party is held in the NickEarth capital, the locals intent on giving the Endless cast a proper send-off.
Lapis Lazuli stands far from that happy scene, perched atop the engines of their host's starship. A distant remorse in her eyes as she stares off into the night sky. Her wings unfurl behind her.
"Where are you going?"
She turns and finds one of her teammates, Athena. The Goddess's hawkish eyes fixed on her.
"Where's the team?" Lapis askes. "I noticed they weren't at the party."
"The Princess and Janna are helping Jeremy clean washrooms, as was the conditions of their bet," Athena informs her. "…And the other three were kind enough to volunteer to help them."
Lapis sighs.
"They're a good bunch. Tell them goodbye for me. I'm quitting."
"You are not."
"I'm sorry, you're not talking me out of this."
She takes off towards the sky. Athena grabs her by the arm and plants her back on the ground.
"Hey!"
"None of my troops coward on my watch," Athena says sternly.
"Then throw the next challenge and vote me out!" Lapis challenged her.
"You're letting that other girl affect you too much."
"So what if I am? That's my choice!" Lapis says, glaring. "Isn't that the whole point of this planet? You get to make your own choices."
She paces the ship, fuming with indignation.
"Homeworld was a thousand rules about what you were supposed to be. I came to Earth for something different and got my gem cracked and trapped in a mirror for five thousand years. I get out, only to spend several months as part of some hateful fusion. Stuck under the crushing ocean, bound to another gem that hated me.
I had to escape all of that to get the privilege to live my life. But humans, they get it all for free, without work, and now? Now I can't even be me! Someone gets to have my identity! My powers, just because they wanted it! It took me forever to learn to live on Earth and some human can just learn to be a lapis in under a week!" Lapis cried stricken. "It's not fair! She shouldn't be better than me!"
"She'll only be better than you if you surrender," Athena growled. "She's only won two challenges for them."
"She has a mentor though."
"Then starting tonight so shall you." Insisted Athena.
…
So in the quiet hours of the night, when does with mortal needs were at rest, the Goddess and the gem spend their hours rebuilding Lapis's confidence.
"I'm not ready for this."
Two days later the cast is submerged beneath the great oceans around Mahri Nui watching as Conner hands out sea scooters for a race.
Lapis shifts uncomfortably
"This isn't the right place, the sea brings back bad memories. Next place will probably be better."
"Nonsense Lapis, we know you'll do wonderfully." Princess Peach says encouragingly.
"We stand together as a team," Athena proclaims. "All of us will do our best to secure victory and overcome the odds, no matter how imposing Richard and his gem seem, will shall vanquish them."
"I mean Homie you say that, but they like just yesterday ***** up Doctor Eggman real good," Markus says.
"Still, wasn't smart enough to keep his hat," Janna says, the girl wearing Eggman's goggles over the tricorn she'd gotten in the Rodney House.
Athena gives them both a look.
"We still got this." Markus insists.
Janna raises her fist.
"Yeah! Let's kick some Fact Hunter butt!"
…
"Contestants on your mark!" Conner shouts, he's at some point acquired a pistol and is holding it over his head.
"Get ready…
"Get-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
Doof's scooter suddenly rockets off into the distance at great velocity, taking the scientist with it.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO PUT SO MUCH JUICE IN IT DOC!" Rick calls.
Conner shakes his head.
"Screw it Just go already."
He fires his pistol and the other contestant takes off after Doofenshmirtz. Most of the group performing better than the scientist, none more so than the two ocean gems.
"I'm surprised you're up for another race!" Beatrice calls to Lapis, the two of them the only ones racing by their own propulsion.
"You thought you beat me?" Lapis challenges.
"Kinda, yeah,"
They round a corner, and with a tight maneuver, Lapis overtakes the other gem.
"You can't take me down that easy! Now eat my bubbles!"
With an extra burst of speed, she cements her lead.
"Well done Lapis," Chimes in Athena over a little bracelet radio. "Remember your Aesop, race smarter, not faster."
"Beatrice, I'm seeing someone out front and it's not you!" Rick calls over the radio. "What the **** is that about?"
"It's temporary," Beatrice insists. "We just started, I'll catch up!"
"Don't you forget I made you the best player in this whole goddamn hack contest! You're better than her and you know it!"
"She isn't alone!"
Peach speeds passed Beatrice, waving cheerfully.
"Hello! Goodbye!"
"HEY!"
"Beatrice tell me I'm not seeing this," Rick says tersely.
"Don't worry. Working on it!"
She sends a current rushing outward, knocking the Princess off her scooter and into the sand.
"That wasn't nice!"
"Sorry, not sorry!" Beatrice shouts back.
The rest of the race proves just as contentious. Lapis and Beatrice spend most of it neck in neck, trying with exceeding difficulty to gain the upper hand.
"Welcome sports fans to the exciting conclusion to the race around Voya Nui." Announces Conner. "The teams have almost made it to the final leg of the race, where they'll be careening down a canyon on a straight shot to the finish line. It's been a tight race between our two beautiful Lazulis all game and the locals are on the edge of their seats on who's gonna win. What do you say Pridak? Really gets the old protodermis pumping eh? Really makes the 15% biological part of you feel alive?"
"That's not how any of that works it's not," Pridak, one of the local Barraki says bluntly.
"Well I didn't do the research Jeffery did," Conner says indifferently.
"Wot then are you freaky humie's doing in here mucking about with us, if you don't even care about Mahri Nui!?"
"I don't know, blame Yerdey. AND HERE COMES THE TWO GEMS!"
Lapis and Beatrice have just rounded a corner into the canyon. Steeled resolve on both their faces.
"Unbelievable!" Conner cries. "There within a hair's breadth of each other ladies and gentlemen, who will win? An honest, lifelong, true blue Lapis Lazuli? Or Beatrice, a lab-grown attempt by Doofenshmirtz and Sanchez to spit in the very face of God himself!? One of them will take it all! The other's probably going to spend tonight crying in the shower."
Lapis glares determinately at Beatrice.
"You're not beating me a second time."
"I would have already if it wasn't for your friends getting in the way,"
"At least I have friends!"
Beatrice looks offended.
"I have friends! The whole team likes me," She insists. "I mean yeah, Dipper says he misses when I was a redhead, but still…"
"Amethyst says she keeps trying to hang out with you, but you only ever spend time with Rick."
"Well yeah! I got to spend all my time training if I want to be as good as you!"
Lapis's concentration wavers a moment.
"You think I'm better than you?"
"YES! Dummy!" Beatrice shouts. "You've got millennium more experience at this whole Lapis Lazuli thing than I do. It would have been nice to have a friend teach me how this works if you weren't so insistent on being a jerk all the time,"
"I'm not helping someone on the enemy team!" Lapis says stubbornly. Beatrice grumbles.
"Teams, Teams, Team. You people all only think in regards to this crummy contest! What's wrong with having friends on other teams? You sound like Rick."
"I'M NOTHING LIKE RICK!" Lapis cries. Though the moment she's said it she hesitant. "…Right?"
A sharp cry cuts through Beatrice's reply. It's Peach and Markus. The two having gained on them, and lunged at Beatrice, sending the Fact Hunter spinning out.
"THAT'S FOR EARLIER!" Peach calls.
"What are you two doing?" Lapis asks, startled.
"Lapis keep going!" The Princess says, flames of excitement dancing in her eyes. "Don't let them win! We have to beat the Fact Hunters into the dust while we still can!"
"Peach are you feeling alright?"
"Yo! You should've seen her back there!" Markus laughs. "This race has been bringing out a whole competitive side on Peachy I ain't since Pinata Island! This **** be hype ******!"
Peach clears her throat awkwardly.
"I'm sorry, but we take races very seriously in the Mushroom Kingdom and- MARKUS GET AWAY FROM THE WALLS!"
"Why?"
A second later both of them scream, a giant eel has shot out of its burrow toward them, it crashes into the opposite wall, sending all of them tumbling to the bottom in a landslide of dust and rock.
"GUYS!" Lapis shouts. She turns, sees Beatrice floating a little ways away. For a moment both gems stay there waiting for the other to move.
After a second's turmoil, Beatrice turns and darts toward the finish line. Lapis glares, then turns the other way to help her friends.
"Lapis we gonna be aight, don't worry about us!" Markus says as she slowly starts lifting rocks off them.
"You must make it to the finish line," Peach urges.
"It's fine, we all need to cross to win anyway," Lapis says dismissively.
Peach lets out a cry and points. Lapis turns in time to see Beatrice devoured by another eel.
"YO!" Markus shouts. "She's not-"
"She'll be fine, gems can take a lot," Lapis says bitterly. "She deserved it anyway. Hold still."
By the time she's freed them both, every other contestant has crossed the finish line, and Conner's already announced Short N Spunky as the winners.
"I'm sorry we cost you the race," Peach says ruefully.
"It's fine," Lapis insists. "At least we beat the Fact Hunters."
A rumble comes from one of the cliff walls. An eel emerges, it coughs up a rather dishevelled-looking Beatrice.
"****** don't speak so soon!" Markus exclaims.
"DESTROY HER LAPIS!" Peach shouts "DESTROY HER!"
"Say no more!"
They take off after her. Lapis willing herself to move faster underwater than she'd ever had before.
She bolts past Beatrice and clears the finish line.
The entire crowd of contestants erupts into a cacophony of noise. Rick and Doof shouting in despair. The other two teams have erupted into deafening jubilation.
Both the Flower Girls and Short N Spunky, seize upon Lapis and host her up. The gem laughs happily, not caring at all that most of the Fact Hunters are glaring at her. All of them deeply bothered.
All of them, oddly, except Beatrice.
…
The mood amongst the teams hasn't returned when they get back to the ship.
"Well Rick, guess your magic gem formula wasn't infallibly after all was it?"
Perry chitters.
"Perry the Platypus raises a good point, we were bound to lose a round sooner or later," Doof says.
"Yeah Dipstick, don't get ****** lippy with us unless you want to give me even more of a reason to vote you out tonight." Rick snarls.
"You can't vote me out! You're the one that messed up when you think about it!" Dipper says.
"The child may be stupid but he does raise the point that this is an excellent chance to finally rid ourselves of good old Dicky Sanchez."
"Who said that?" Rick demands. He looks around and finds himself staring into the eyes of Roy Brown.
"Oh, it's you, Roy. You've done so little for the team I literally forget you're here when you're not being an insufferable piece of ****."
Rick pauses then turns to the others.
"Actually hold that thought…"
…
After Roy's elimination most of the team retreats to bed, hoping for another victory tomorrow. Beatrice of course doesn't join them, sleep having been unnecessary since her transformation. Instead, she slips down to the lower halls of the ship and practices her craft.
"Good, you're training."
Rick marches over, surveying her with approval.
"This is what I ****** like about your Beatrice, you don't quit and you get **** with having to spell it out."
She looks up.
"You're not mad about me losing?"
"Why be mad now, when I can win later?" Rick asks. "Who gives a **** if we lost Roy, good riddance, there are a couple other people we could lose as well without it mattering. Individual challenges don't matter because by the end of this **** it's going to be you me and Doctor D. I am I right? Or am I right?"
"You're always right," Beatrice says obediently. Rick laughs and tussles her hair playfully.
"You always know what I to hear B! You're my girl! Who's my girl!?"
"I'm your girl," Beatrice replies a little despondently.
Rick points at her and walks out of the room. "Don't you forget it!"
He leaves. She sighs and returns to training. Guilty conscious playing with her.
She hears Rick re-enter the room.
"I Have a confession!" Beatrice blurts out.
"Do you? Oh, how exciting!" Says a voice that definitely isn't Rick.
She turns and finds Doofenshmirtz and Perry there. Doof waiting with a plastic container. He opens it, revealing several juicy-looking orange slices.
"Now Beatrice, I know as a Gem you don't need human nourishment anymore but this always made my daughter Vanessa feel better when her team lost a soccer match."
"Thanks, doc," Beatrice says, graciously taking a few. "Sorry about losing today,"
The Evil Scientist waves her off good-naturedly.
"It's cool, accidents happen."
"Yeah but…." She puffs out her checks awkwardly, dreading the next words. "Would it still be fine if it… wasn't an accident?"
"Wait is that your confession!? You threw race on purpose!" Doof gasps. "How evil! Beatrice, I'm so proud-"
"No! I was trying to do the right thing. I couldn't win just because Other Lapis was busy rescuing her friends."
"Sure you could've."
"Well, I didn't want to," Beatrice insists. "Sorry if I let you down Doof."
"It's cool, I'm very used to being disappointed," Doof says nonchalantly. "Besides you're still one of my favourite inventions I've ever made. Much higher than my Robotic Henchman Norm, don't tell him I said that, he gets sensitive."
"Thanks, Doc." Beatrice frowns. "Do you think Rick would understand if he found out?"
"Of course!" Doof says at once. "Both he and me took it upon ourselves to look after you once we subjected you to the Gemtransforminator! Besides he's a cool guy that Rick. Real understanding."
…
Regardless of Doof's advice. Beatrice still doesn't tell Rick. The day's challenge instead goes by smoothly. Running around, searching for statues on the mean streets of Falconia.
"God damn," Rick says. It's late in the day and they've just scaled the entrance to the city's imposing castle. The others have ran ahead, leaving the two scientists to take in the sights. "How's that for a view doc?"
"Yeah... It's alright." Doof says. "I don't know. All this grandeur is a little on the nose."
"Right?" Rick smirks. "This Falcon's not really subtle if you catch my drift. Guy's practically screaming he's an evil theocratic dictator."
"Oh, speaking of evil. That way you used Beatrice as your minion to destroy Robotnik's lair? Don't think I didn't notice that." Doof teases. "Admit it, it felt nice didn't it?"
"Listen I'm not evil alright?" Rick insists. "But not going deny how much fun I had watching Beatrice own Eggman. She's a good kid."
He throws an arm around Doof.
"You me and her are going all the way, right doc?"
"Right!" Doof says happily. "You, me, Beatrice and Perry the Platypus!"
Doof breaks away his grip.
"You're seriously not thinking of bringing your nemesis to the finale?"
"Well no, but you know how Perry the Platypus is. He's always the one that wins."
"And what? You'd just let him?"
"I mean, you never want him to win, be nice sometimes, but I mean, he's the Good Guy, I'm the Bad Guy, cards on the table here, when everything's over he does better than me. That's just the law of nature or something."
"This isn't nature, this is a Reality TV show," Rick says a little impatiently. "Morality doesn't matter, you want to win you just have to want it more than the rest of the cast,"
"Perry the Platypus is very determined you know," Doof says.
"Forget about the stupid platypus!" Rick demands. "I need you fully committed to our alliance dammit!"
"I mean it's always going to be hard with Perry the Platypus around!"
Doof stares at him then abruptly begins laughing maniacally. Doof gasps happily.
"You're first evil laugh! Rick, I knew I'd get through to you."
He pauses for a minute.
"What are you laughing about?"
Rick's laugh devolves into a coughing fit. He recovers and smirks at Doof.
"Nothing you need to worry about doc."
…
"PERRY'S GONE!"
The Fact Hunters, their rivals, the staff and their hosts for the day's challenge, the Shrink's Family, all turn their attention to Rick, running back to the picnic blanket in a state of distress.
"Wh-aaa-at!?" Doof cried.
"I saw it happen Doc!" Rick grabs his ally theatrically. "He abandoned us. He got a mission from his little petting zoo spy agency and he bailed! No goodbyes or anything! He totally betrayed us!"
Doof if possible looks even more stricken.
"NO!"
"Yes!" Rick shouts. "I didn't want to believe either doc!"
"This is troubling un-Perry like behavior," Lenny observes.
"I know!"
Doofenshmirtz sighs and slumps his shoulders dejected.
Beatrice pats him on the back. The other teams, however, glare ominously at her and Rick.
…
She's on the way to one of her normal training sessions that night when Beatrice is ambushed by the other two teams. Amethyst, Tails and Lapis, all with accusatory looks in their eyes.
"Did you help Rick get rid of Perry?" Amethyst demands. The question throws Beatrice off entirely.
"What? No! Where's this coming from? Rick would never do that!"
"Tails says he saw it happen."
"It's true!" Squeaks the Fox. "He cornered Perry and sent him away with that handheld portal gizmo he's not supposed to be using anymore."
Beatrice's brow furrows.
"Okay so, even if this happened, which it didn't. Why is this any of you people's business? This is inter-Fact Hunter affairs!"
"Listen Bea, everybody's got skin in the game if they're a cheater like Rick going around," Amethyst says. "I don't like to admit but you guys are already creaming us, and now you're cheating!? Like that's totally messed up!"
"It would be if it happened," Beatrice says stubbornly.
"Don't act like you guys are above something like that!" Lapis shouts. "You didn't have any problem taking advantage of my friends getting hurt back in Mahri Nui."
"Yes, Lapis I did. Why do you think I threw the race?"
The others are shocked, Lapis most of all.
"Yo! B! My Girl!" Laughs an emphatic Amethyst. "I didn't think you were cool enough to double-cross Sanchez!"
"Not so loud!" Hisses Beatrice. "He can't find out!"
The Other Lapis gives her an odd look.
"I changed my mind," She says from nowhere. "You are a Lapis Beatrice."
The apparent change of heart leaves Beatrice surprised, but gracious.
"Uh thanks-"
"You're just like they wanted us to be back on Homeworld," Lapis goes on. "You don't feel anything or have your own identity. You're just a tool, one for your master to use however he wants."
Beatrice glared at her. "Hey! It's not like that with me and Rick!"
"When's the last time you said no to him?" Lapis asks. "Or better question, if he's your friend, why are afraid of him?"
Beatrice stays silent. Lapis nods to the others, and they turn to leave.
"Even if you're cheating, I guess I should be happy for you," She says. "You wanted my life and you got it. Hope it's everything you were looking for."
"Maybe I only ended up like this because you were too busy hating me to offer anything different!" Beatrice shoots back.
The words seem to strike home, the Other Lapis freezes guilty, then looks away.
"Yeah… Maybe…"
With that, she leaves, and the only company Beatrice is left with her own disappointment.
…
Great sheets of rain pour over the chitinous towers of the City of Tears, The Kingdom of Hallownest's melancholic capital.
"Lenny you said this Hornet friend of yours would be here." Indy grumbles, like the rest of the Fact Hunters he's perched beneath an overhang, trying and falling to stay try.
"I said this is one the places she appeared Doctor Jones," Lenny says helpfully.
"Real shame that you're wrong Lenny, this one here could have kicked that bug bitch's ass easy with all this rain around." Rick laughs, boxing Beatrice's shoulder.
"Ha ha, know what I'm saying kid? Hyrdrokinesis and all that ****? You feeling me?"
"Yeah, Rick, I get it," Beatrice says subdued. Rick cock's an eyebrow.
"Rest of you wait there, me and B are going to take a look around."
He has her fly them up to a balcony of one of the great towers then folds his arms.
"Alright, Lay it on me Beatrice, besides the bugs, what's bugging you?"
"It's nothing."
"Don't play games here kid, I need you in top condition."
"Did you get rid of Perry?" She blurts out.
"Yes sir!" Rick says proudly. Beatrice looks momentarily relieved.
"See, I knew you wouldn't- wait! What!?"
"Doof's little zoophilic life patterner was distracting him, so he had to go," Rick says, causally taking a swig of his flask. "Not judging Heinz for being overly sentimental about a Platypus by the way, cards on the table I've stuck my dick in stranger things, Perry was just getting in the way of our game."
"I can't believe you'd do that to Doof! You really hurt his feelings," Beatrice says.
"Who gives a fuck? He'll get over it!" Rick says unashamedly. "I made a call Bea, just like I made a call with you back in episode five. I'm the guy who's always right about everything! You people's job is to shut up and listen to what I need you to do. You got that?"
Beatrice winches, fearing what she's about to do.
"No Rick…."
Rick gives her a dangerous look.
"What was that?"
"Whatever little servant/master thing we've got here is over. I'm done!" She tells him with growing confidence. Rick laughs sarcastically.
"You little bitch, you're seriously going to walk out on me. I'm the one that fucking made you!"
"Yeah, Sorry not sorry."
She turned to fly off. Something hits the wall beside her. She leaps back and spins around to see Rick, arm outstretched, a device in hand. First she mistakes it for his portal gun, then with a skip of her mineral heart, she recognizes it as part of the same machine that first made her.
"You really didn't I'd have a backup plan if you went rogue?" He sneers. "Those powers belong to me."
"Try and take them!" She challenges. Rick laughs.
"Bad move B!"
He presses a button on his other wrist and within seconds is wrapped in a metallic suit. Some of Beatrice's confidence shatters.
"Ah phooey…"
…
At the base of the tower, the other Fact Hunters watch mystified as something comes barreling out one of the towers and crash lands next to them.
"Rick Scachez and Beatrice the Lapis Lazuli!?" Doof cries. "What are you doing?"
"Get away from her Doc! This little bitch is mine!" Rick shouts.
"Hey got rid of Perry!" Beatrice shouts.
"Wha-aa-at!?" squawks the doctor.
"How cold. Even I sort of liked the Platypus." Muses Wednesday Addams distantly.
At once the mood shifts, Lenny, Dipper, Doof, and Indy all surround Beatrice.
"I said step aside shitheads!" Rick yells.
"You mess with her you mess with us!" Indy says.
"You people are strong enough to be an obstacle.!" Rick taunts.
He lets drop an octagonal device from his suit. It lets out a pulse that electrifies everyone but him and Beatrice until they slump over unconscious.
The injustice of it pours anger through Beatrice, any leftover feelings of sentiment towards Rick quickly disappearing. She forms a water whip and strikes, it sends him flying back. He gets up snarling.
They both take off into the air, the fight vicious. Rick holding just as little regard for his former pupil's safety as she does for him. Beatrice desperately trying to hold him at bay but the scientist is simply the better fighter.
He catches her foot and throws her through the wall of another tower. She lands in some odd almost monastic sanctum, getting up just in time to dodge an energy blast from some strange physic beetle. By the sound of the ethereal music that permeates the place, some other bug must be going crazy on a pipe organ somewhere.
The physic beetle explodes. Rick stands behind it, silhouetted by the hold in the building he'd tossed her through.
"I thought you were smarter than to start a fight with me kid!"
He launches a vial of some green substance that explodes into several vicious-looking creatures, she casts them away with a burst of water, suddenly wondering if gems can die.
"Really… though you'd stay by my side until the end. Not gonna lie. I'm disappointed by my partner here."
"Guess that makes two of us!"
"Oh really!"
He lunges forward and seizes her by the neck.
"You think you're too good for me? That it? You remember what you were before I turned you into a gem!? Fucking nothing! You were a miserably snarky little piece of shit no one cared about! Just as fucking alone then as you are now!"
"She's not alone!"
Both of them turn.
The other Lapis had just appeared, standing behind Rick defiantly.
"She's has me."
Beatrice breaks into an almost comical smile before Rick tightens his grip on her painfully.
"Wow! Bravo! Big fucking deal!" He snarks. "I'm the Smartest Mammal in the Galaxy! You think I can't handle two of you?"
"Who knows?" Lapis smiles. "Can you handle this?"
"Handle whAGHA!"
She's thrown a nearby vat of spiritual energy at him. It shattered and several misshaped insect ghouls appear out of it and attack Rick. He drops Beatrice who scurries over to Lapis, both of them give each other a reassuring look
"Hey Rick!" Beatrice calls. "Since you're already upset now's a good time to mention it. I lost the challenge on Mahri Nui on purpose!"
Rick bellows with rage.
"I think you made him mad," Lapis says.
"He's already mad, how worse could he get?" Beatrice asks.
In the midst of being attacked Rick straps two new devices to his wrists, they activate and begin surging with energy as he shouts to the heavens.
"Oh, much worse. I was wrong," Beatrice says in a little voice.
The sanctum and most of the tower attached to it explode into a fireball of orange flame, the reflections of it dancing in the puddles of the rainy streets.
Lapis and Beatrice are sent careening through the air. Rick flying after them, eyes blazing with rage.
"Lapis!" Beatrice calls. "I'm sorry about this!"
"Don't apologize it's my fault!" Lapis insists. "I should never have left you alone with Rick. It's my fault you didn't have anyone to talk to about this."
"It's fine! I don't care! What Rick did was wrong, I get why you were mad."
"I was just so jealous of how easy you had things."
"Easy?" Beatrice blinks. "My life's kind of crummy. A Lapis Lazuli isn't even the first thing I've been forced to turn into. Why would you be jealous of me?"
Lapis gapes at her. Then laughs. Beatrice laughs as well.
They hold each other by the arm and land, laughing in the lake.
Rick lands on a platform, guns drawn.
"Anytime you're ready to die ladies!"
For a moment theirs nothing.
Then the lake glows, a white incorporeal form emerges from the water. It materialized in a Lapis, large as a building and with traits of both Beatrice and the Flower Girl Lapis. A pair of blue gemstones on each shoulder.
She looks at herself in surprise.
"W-What Is this?"
"It's fusion." She informs herself. "Trust it. Be something more."
"Okay."
Rick laughs up at the new being.
"Gonna take more than Kaiju mode to beat me bitches!"
Hands made of water burst from the lake, pinning Rick down, then freezes him in place.
"Wait! What the fuck are you doing?"
More hands, larger now, surround a tower, it begins to buckle under their pull. Rick's eyes grow wide.
"Beatrice you can't fucking do this to me! I'm your goddamn master!"
"We belong to no one!" Booms the Giant Lapis, arms raised. "Not now, and not ever again!"
They lower their hands, the tower falls. Glass, metal, chitin and insects come raining down burying Rick as he howls with hatred.
The Giant Lapis smiles. Then disappears in a puff of smoke. Beatrice and Lapis still laughing.
"Beatrice, you were incredible!" Lapis cries. "So much better than my last fusion!"
"Thanks…" Beatrice says. "That was really strange but really cathartic." She pauses. "That's not your people's equivalent of…"
"…Of what?"
Beatrice whispers something in Lapis's ear.
"What? No!" Laughs Lapis. "Fusion's its own thing. Besides we gems grow out of the ground silly."
"Okay good."
They hear a whimper and see Rick, still alive and half buried under a pile of rubble.
"Well Rick? Any more objections to me doing my own thing from now on?" Beatrice asks.
"I think you broke my legs…" Moans Rick.
"Maybe being without your powers will humble you a little," Lapis says.
"I could literally give less of a fuck what you two have to say right now…"
"Well, care about this. You made Beatrice a Lapis Lazuli, but she gets to decide what that means to her."
She takes a step forward. "Until then, she'll have me, and Amethyst, and the Shorties and the Flower Girls by her side. Ready to accept whatever's in store for her as she learns how to be something like me-Ow!"
Lapis recoils, having stepped on something sharp. She looks in horror to see one of Rick's syringes sticking from her foot.
The scientist's eyes gleam victoriously.
"Too bad you're not going to be a gem to help huh! Got fucking one of you in the end you pretentious bitches AHA HA HA!"
He begins to laugh uproariously then trails off suddenly. The other contestants and their host Conner have just caught up with them, none of them looking happy.
Rick sighs.
"Ah fuck…"
…
That night, Rick's brought to the elimination room wrapped in bandages and bound to a hospital bed. Conner and the Fact Hunters regard him without much affection.
"You know Rick I was going to let eliminating one of your own slide in the hopes karma would kick your ass," Conner says pleasantly. "But now that it has, and you've tried to murder two of my other players I have no choice but to immediately and dishonourably eject you from the game."
"This is bullshit and you know it!" Rick complains. "Doof back me up."
"I don't feel like it right now," Doof says arms folded. "Maybe if Perry the Platypus was here he'd get me to reconsider but we'll never know now will we?"
Rick grumbles. "Fine, get rid of me then, you're all pieces of shit anyway. I can see you're lingering before you send me out, what are you going Beatrice that little turd press the button or something?"
"Actually Rick, I'm getting that honour," Dipper informs him gleefully. "Remember how you said I had no chance, huh Rick? Well looks like the same kid that helped defeat Bill Cipher's going take down the Smartest Mammal in the Universe too!"
Under his layers of gauze and bandages, Rick looks surprised.
"Wait! You were part of that Pines family the whole time!? What the Fuuuuuuuuuuuu-"
Dipper presses a button and Rick disappears down a chute and out of the game.
"Man, that was satisfying!" Dipper declares. "Gonna be even better once we're rid of his junk!"
"What about me?" Beatrice asks. Indy places a hand on her shoulder.
"Kid you're more than Rick's little stooge now. You're a Fact Hunter."
"Always have been…" Lenny says.
"…and you always will be!" Doof cries.
"At least until the teams merge in two episodes." Coughs Conner under his breath. Indy looks at him suspiciously.
"What was that?"
"Nothing!" Pleads the host.
…
Bentley looks down at his computer gravely. He's sitting in the Flower Girls barrack.
"It's complicated but eventually with Doctor D's help me and Tails might be able to remake the Gemtransforminator but it'll take a while."
"I love being a Gem, but I got to admit this is seriously wild! I'm a squeeze bit jelly." Amethyst says.
"How are you feeling Lapis?" Peach asks.
"Yo, can we even call her Lapis anyone?" Markus asks.
"Markus…" Peach scolds. "That's the last thing she needs right now."
The door opens and in walks Beatrice looking uncertain.
"Uh hi? How is she."
"Fine! Don't come in!" Cries a voice beneath a blanket. Peach tuts sympathetically.
"Poor thing, she doesn't want to be seen right now."
"Really, like stupid level of self-conscious in her new form," Janna says.
"I have a right to be! I'm a freak! Everything's wrong!" Lapis says.
Her friends nudge the figure gently.
Reluctantly a human girl emerges from the blankets, she's brown-skinned and dark-haired. Face full of freckles barely visible over her embarrassed blush. Her eyes still just as blue as they had been when she was a gem.
"I'm really sorry about this," Beatrice says. "I hear you're going to be stuck like this for a while."
Tears form in the corner of Lapis's eyes. "I don't know who I am anyone. I-I don't know what this means."
"That's alright." Beatrice laughs. "You've got people here to support you. We'll take it one step at a time."
The human girl who was once a Lapis looks into the eyes of her opposite, then slowly, hesitant at first. A smile returns to her lips.
…
The scene fades before Tyche.
"Surprised? At the beginning, I promised you a story of comradeship between Rick Sanchez and Beatrice. However, even in the oddest world, some things are never meant to last.
Perhaps in a world even more different than yours, they could have stayed allies, yet it seems that even in the best of scenarios they're naturally drawn to conflict.
But Rick and Beatrice's fate does not exist in a vacuum. Even if it ended similarly to the story you know, the implications for those around them are far from what could be expected.
Somewhere in another place and time, a girl who became a gem stands hand in hand with a gem who became a girl, ready to enter the merge. What awaits for them there I'll leave to you, but regardless of what is to come. Their approach to it will be drastically unfamiliar. Their destinies already altered…
…by a set of Different Fortunes."