Rule by ijnfleetadmiral

15337. Bismarck and Tirpitz are asked to stop trolling the historians. It's lead to some very unforeseen revelations.

Admiral Hartmann didn't know what it was, but for some reason he was on-edge today. The feeling had started when he awoke that morning, so he was just waiting for something to happen. Finally, around 10AM, he was jarred from the monotony of paperwork by a soft chuckle from his son Klaus.

"Something funny?"

"Ja," Klaus replied, "Bismarck posted a humorous photo on her trip with Tirpitz."

"Ah." Hartmann knew Tirpitz was visiting her sister while on leave from her posting in Norway, and the pair had decided to take a tour of the country together, visiting numerous places and meeting their fans.

Lunchtime came, and Hartmann and his son enjoyed a meal in the base commissary together.

It was the last moment of peace they got that day.

As Hartmann eased into his comfy desk chair upon returning from lunch, he decided to check the X accounts of the various German shipgirls to ensure they hadn't posted anything that would necessitate disciplinary – or legal – action. He smiled as the first post was from Bismarck.

Family photo, May 1941. Hug your siblings now because you never know what might happen in the future.

The photo was taken at sea…and clearly showed a pair of Bismarck class battleships steaming proudly in formation.

It did not appear to be doctored in any way, and had already gotten close to 300,000 likes.

Hartmann took a deep breath and read some of the comments.

HOLY SH – a WWII photo of BOTH of them?! PLEASE tell me this ISN'T photoshopped!

YAASSS! I KNEW photos like this existed!

Quick! Someone colorize this…I need it for my new desktop background!

Hartmann blinked, thought for a moment, then turned to his son.

"Have you checked your wife's social media lately?"

Klaus's response was to quickly pull out his phone and do just that. Hartmann could tell the instant he saw the photo, for his eyes widened and then he facepalmed epically.

"She didn't…" he moaned.

Hartmann sighed. "What now?"

"Bismarck bought a camera for her trip with Tirpitz. A Rolleiflex Automat Model 2."

"So?" Hartmann was confused.

"It's a German camera from the 1940s," Klaus replied. "So any photos taken today with the camera…"

"…would look like they were taken during World War II! Verdammt!" Hartmann performed his own facepalm. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly in an effort to calm himself.

"Please contact your wife and tell her and her sister to come home. Now."

The following afternoon, the pair of German battleships and a heavy cruiser strolled into Hartmann's office.

"Reporting back from leave, Herr Admiral," Bismarck announced, coming to attention in front of Hartmann's desk.

"You two are in trouble," the Admiral stated, before noticing Prinz Eugen was also in the room. "Prinz, why are you here?"

"I went with them, sir," the German cruiser smiled happily. "Any chance I get to spend time with Bismarck!"

Bismarck blushed, Klaus grinned at his wife's reaction, and Tirpitz rolled her eyes.

"May I ask why we're in trouble, sir?"

"Enjoy taking photos on vacation?" Hartmann quipped.

"Oh, that…" Bismarck trailed off.

"Hipper posted those pics online?" Prinz Eugen gasped. "I thought those were for their eyes only!"

"Wait, Hipper was with you, too?" Hartmann looked confused. "I only have leave requests for the three of you." He looked over at his secretary, Emden. "Did she go AWOL?"

"Not to my knowledge, Admiral," the light cruiser replied. "As far as I can tell, she hasn't left the base except for patrols."

"She wasn't with us," Bismarck confirmed. "Prinz Eugen took the photos of me and Tirpitz." She shrugged. "German Navy historians have been clamoring for the private collectors to show off the photos of Tirpitz and I they're keeping hidden, but to no avail. I thought since the private collectors won't 'share the wealth', to use an American phrase, why not create some to share freely?"

"Oh, those photos!" Prinz Eugen apparently realized something. "I thought – never mind," she cut herself off when she saw both Admiral and Captain Hartmann looking askance at her.

"'What photos were you thinking of?'" Admiral Hartmann inquired. "He asked, hoping he won't be called to testify somewhere."

"Eh?" Prinz Eugen looked confused briefly before she realized what Hartmann was asking. "Oh, no…don't worry, sir!" She giggled. "Judging by the goofy smile on his face he was a very willing participant."

"You're not easing my mind, Prinz," Hartmann reminded her, causing the cruiser to blush and look away nervously.

"What photos are they talking about?" Tirpitz leaned in and asked Bismarck, who shrugged.

"No idea…I'm as in the dark as you are. Meine Kapitän," she addressed her husband, "do you have any idea what they're talking about?"

Klaus shook his head. "Nein…it's new to me as well."

Hartmann rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I can see this isn't getting us anywhere." He turned to Emden. "Call Hipper here, please."

The shipgirl in question arrived within ten minutes. "You wanted to see me, Admiral?" she asked, standing beside Prinz.

"Apparently, you took some pictures that caused quite a stir," Hartmann stated. "While I'm all but certain I'm going to regret asking this, could I see the photos in question?"

Hipper smirked. "You want to see those photos, sir?" she asked. "I didn't know you were into that sort of thing."

Hartmann facepalmed, as he immediately knew what sort of 'thing' Hipper was referring to. "Please tell me you didn't post those photos online…"

"Of course not!" Hipper vehemently denied. "They were just for mine and my boyfriend's viewing pleasure. Well," she amended. "I guess you could say they were for Scheer's viewing pleasure, too, as she was the one who took the photos, so yeah…" she trailed off and giggled at the dumbfounded looks the rest of the room was giving her.

"What?" She shrugged. "It was his birthday and he was on his graduation trip…things got a little crazy."

Before Hartmann could reply, the door to his office opened and his eighteen-year-old son Hans-Ulrich walked in.

"Good afternoon, Father, Klaus," he greeted Hartmann and his brother, and nodded respectfully to the shipgirls in the room.

Until his eyes landed on Hipper, who smirked flirtatiously at him.

"Hallo, Ully…" she trailed off playfully, giving him a cute little wave.

Hans-Ulrich looked highly flustered.

Hartmann was confused…and then everything clicked.

It apparently clicked for Prinz, too, for her eyes widened in recognition.

"Hey! You're the guy in Hipper's pics!" She grinned. "I gotta say, somebody up there likes you to bless you that much! You could have a job in the movies, if you get my drift."

Hans-Ulrich went beet red. Hipper burst into giggles. Klaus gaped at his brother. Emden shook her head and concentrated on paperwork. Bismarck looked highly uncomfortable on hearing such things about her brother-in-law, while Tirpitz's expression said she was filing away information for a later discussion with her sister.

For his part, Hartmann felt like he was having an out-of-body experience. Hearing your youngest child was sexually active was one thing, but to hear said young man had apparently lost his virginity to a heavy cruiser while on a school trip, while a Panzerschiffe apparently took photos of the occasion, was quite another.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Emden, call Scheer here and then would you, Tirpitz, and Prinz Eugen please excuse us?"

Emden paged Scheer to the Admiral's office and then she, Tirpitz, and Prinz Eugen lost no time in making their escape. Once the door was closed, Hartmann turned to Hans-Ulrich and Hipper.

"So you two slept together?"

"Not until much later in the evening was sleep involved," Hipper muttered, smirking as she apparently relived the event in her mind.

Given his uncomfortable-then-happy expression, Hans-Ulrich's mind seemed to be recalling the night as well.

Hartmann rolled his eyes. "And in order to preserve the event for posterity, you had Scheer photograph your…'activities'?"

Hipper smiled. "Don't worry, Admiral…Scheer was compensated for her time." She grinned at Hans-Ulrich. "Very well compensated. By both of us."

Bismarck cleared her throat awkwardly. Klaus's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. Admiral Hartmann looked at his son, who was trying hard to look nonchalant, but it was obvious there was a part of him that wanted to look very pleased with himself.

It was at that moment Scheer strolled in, saw Hans-Ulrich, and blushed deep red while grinning unrepentantly, causing Admiral Hartmann's brain to register what actually happened.

"Both of them?" He asked Hans-Ulrich, who finally gave up all pretenses of trying to hide his true feelings and grinned goofily at his father.

There was a snort-cough from the corner, and Admiral Hartmann turned to see Klaus taking a sip of water while Bismarck mock-glowered at her husband and appeared to be trying hard not to laugh herself.

"We wanted to give him an unforgettable memory before he goes off to the Shipgirl Officer Program," Hipper explained. "We'll be waiting for him when he graduates."

Hartmann turned to his son. "What are you, a triple?"

"More like a triangle," Scheer commented. "Three angles, all…connected." She placed heavy emphasis on the last word while gazing lustfully at Hipper and Hans-Ulrich. Hipper purred and returned the gaze, while Hans-Ulrich appeared to be preoccupied with thanking every deity he knew of for his incredible fortune.

Hartmann sighed. "At least tell me you used protection."

"Protection?" Hipper asked.

"Why, were we supposed to use some?" Scheer looked confused.

"YES!" Hartmann, Klaus, and even Bismarck all exclaimed.

"We used protection!" Hans-Ulrich frantically assured them. "I made sure of it!" He turned to the two giggling cruisers. "You two were wrong to make them think otherwise." He straightened up to almost Prussian levels of attention. "I should discipline you for such an infraction."

Both Hipper and Scheer looked extremely hopeful their boyfriend would follow through on such a threat.

"Perhaps you should," Scheer taunted.

"Ja! Punish us…Vati," Hipper purred.

Without so much as a by-your-leave, the trio ran from the room, leaving Hartmann, Klaus, and Bismarck stunned.

"Of all people, Hans-Ulrich?" Bismarck murmured in surprise. "I never thought…"

"…that my brother had it in him? Neither did I," Klaus finished, grinning as Bismarck smacked his arm playfully.

"That is not what I meant and you know it!" She finally let out a giggle at the whole situation as the couple turned to look at an apparently shellshocked Admiral Hartmann.

"Admiral?"

"Father?"

Hartmann came out of his thoughts and sighed. "I'm going to become a grandfather very soon, aren't I?"

Bismarck blushed. "While I would love to become a mother someday, Herr Admiral, Klaus and I hadn't really planned on children in the near future –"

She blushed when she realized Hartmann hadn't been speaking about her. "Oh, you meant them? Then ja, you probably are."

Hartmann facepalmed as Klaus finally lost it and roared with laughter.