At school, the South Park kids are eating ready to eat another school lunch.
Stan: I missed Chef's food.
Kyle: Me too. I'm glad Damien brought him back.
Cartman: Yeah. This is awesome.
Clyde: I actually brought my lunch from McDonalds.
Craig: What?
Tweek: When did you do that?
Clyde: Probably yesterday.
Tolkien: Did you know Ronald McDonald was here?
Kyle: Really?
Tolkien: Yeah. He was here because someone stole a Big Mac. Nichole told me all about it.
Stan: I wonder who?
Clyde starts eating his McDonalds lunch and then PC Principal enters.
PC Principal: Okay, Children. listen up. Apparently, someone pissed off Ronald McDonalds the other week by stealing a Big Mac from a McDonalds from here in South Park! And he tried to kill that said person, so guess what?! All McDonalds related food are banned from this school! If we catch you eating McDonalds food on school grounds, your punishment is 3 months of detention and a one way ticket to Summer School! That's all I have to say.
He leaves and Clyde was shocked.
Clyde: Should I throw this in the trash?
Cartman: Nah. Eat it quickly before he comes back.
Clyde starts eating his McDonalds food quickly and the Melvins noticed the whole thing.
Butters: No McDonalds at school?!
Dougie: You've really done it this time, Butters.
Later during recess, Pip and Dougie were having a snowball fight when Butters approached him.
Butters: Fellas, I have an idea on how we can get rich.
Pip: What is it?
Butters: We can sell McDonalds to all the kids here.
Dougie: Um, no! We're not doing that. Do you remember the last time you pissed off Ronald McDonald?! He and Grimace tried to kill all of us!
Butters: He doesn't have to know. I mean everybody wants McDonalds, so we can give them what they want. We could be rich!
Dougie: Well...
Pip: Where are we gonna find the McDonalds food? We're in school right now.
?: Come behind the trailers.
They heard the voices and the Melvins went behind the trailers and the voice came from Nathan.
Butters: Nathan?
Nathan: I smuggled the McDonalds food here. Come back here and tomorrow and your business will be ready.
Pip: Alrighty then. Let's do this.
Dougie: Hopefully we don't get caught.
(Play Can't You Hear Me Knocking by The Rolling Stones for this section.)
The next day at school during recess, Butters, Pip and Dougie are wearing sunglasses. They then approach their stand and start to sell McDonalds food to all the kids on the playground. Pip sells Nate a quarter pounder with large fries. Butters begins to sell more food to the rest of the kids. After school, the trio of Melvins are in Butters' room with their huge pile of money. Later, Pip sneaks to McDonalds, spills hot water all over the control panel that activates the security cameras and then steals a ton of food to give to Nathan. The next day at school, Nathan gives them the food and they sold more of it. Dougie become worried about getting in trouble, especially because he never got in trouble before, not counting all the times he was caught stalking and acting perverted towards the 4th grade girls. And so, all of the kids on the playground continue eating McDonalds food.
Jessie: Best food ever.
Kal: Yeah. Hopefully PC Principal isn't here to see this.
At the McDonalds Headquarters, Ronald wakes up in his office.
Ronald: How long was I out?
Steve: 3 and a half weeks. You were trying to kill some kids over a stolen Big Mac.
Ronald: What?
Steve: Yeah. The cops tranquilized you.
Ronald: Oh I see. Was this Burger King's doing?! Is he doing something to make sure his shitty food is more popular than mine?!
Steve: Actually, he did get the cops on you, but he's not doing something you just mentioned. In fact, a school principal from Colorado apparently banned your food from his school because of what you did, and one of the students is selling your food illegally to the other kids.
Ronald: SO YOU'RE TELLING ME SOME ASSHOLES AT A SCHOOL BANNED MY FOOD BECAUSE OF WHAT I DID AND SOME ASSHOLE KID IS SELLING MY FOOD TO OTHER KIDS THERE?!!!
Steve: Yeah.
Ronald: OH THAT IS IT!!! WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE SCHOOL?!!!
Steve: It's called South Park Elementary.
Ronald: OKAY!!! I'M GOING BACK TO SOUTH PARK AND KICK SOME ASSES!!!
He leaves.
Back at school, PC Principal was doing his paperwork when Ronald McDonald kicks the door open.
Ronald: ARE YOU THE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO BANNED MY DELICIOUS FOOD FROM THIS SCHOOL?!!!
PC Principal: Ronald McDonald? What are you doing here?
Ronald: I'm here because my assistant told me that you banned me all because I tried to kill three kids who were stealing from me! And I heard that same kid is selling my food to all the kids in here!
PC Principal: Wait what?!
Ronald: Yeah! And it's your fault for banning my food! I'm gonna call Grimace to find that playground here! GRIMACE!!!
Grimace enters.
Grimace: Yes Ronald?
Ronald: Find the playground and kill the kid selling my food!
Grimace: Yes Sir!
PC Principal: You don't have to kill him! I could just punish him myself and...
Ronald: YOU'RE NO BETTER FOR BANNING MY FUCKING FOOD FROM THIS FUCKING SCHOOL!!! GRIMACE, GET THE BRAT AND BRING HIM TO ME SO I CAN KILL HIM!!!
Grimace: Okay Ronald!
Grimace leaves the office.
Back in the playground, Butters sees Annie approach his stand.
Annie: Do you sell Burger King?
Everybody gasped and were angry.
Pip: No. We sell McDonalds.
Annie: Aw.
Dougie: But why do you want Burger King?
Annie: Well...
Butters: You went behind our backs and got the free Burger King for life thing, didn't you?
Annie: No! I was just wondering if...
Grimace kicks the door open and enters the playground.
Grimace: Now to find the... (He sees Butters selling McDonalds.) I FOUND YOU!!!
Tweek: Ah! Is that Grimace?!
Nate: Dude, we stopped drinking your shakes!
Grimace: I don't care about the shakes! All I want is this kid right over there!
Nelly: Go ahead and take him. We don't care.
Francis: Nelly, what did I tell you?!
Nelly: Not to let random strangers or crazy restaurant mascots take Butters away.
Francis: Good! Keep this up and I'm gonna dump you again!
Nelly: Fine.
Grimace: First you stole a Big Mac and now you're selling our food?!
Millie: So this whole time, it was you who stole the Big Mac?!
Butters: Hey! Blame the cashier bitch for not giving it to me!
Angela: Yeah! Lay off my Butterbear! He meant no harm!
Grimace: Silence! And you, spike headed kid, you're mine!
Dougie: Guys, don't worry. I have a friend who can save us.
Pip: Who is it?
Dougie: You'll see.
He makes a phone call.
Cartman: What's going on?
Kyle: Grimace is here to kill us!
Stan: Not us. Just Butters.
Kenny: (What?!)
Grimace pulls out his phone to call Ronald.
Grimace: Ronald, I found the kid who's been selling your food in the playground! It's the same kid who stole a Big Mac.
Ronald: (From the phone) I knew it the whole time! You didn't have to tell me! Don't worry! I'm on my way there!
The phone call ends.
Grimace: Time to die, brats!
Butters: Oh no! We're gonna die!
Burger King enters the playground and all the kids noticed him.
Burger King: Here ye! Here ye! Did somebody call the Burger King?
Grimace: Burger King?! Oh shit! What's he doing here?!
Butters: You called the Burger King?!
Dougie: Yeah. He's friends with my stepdad.
Grimace: Hey! Go away!
Burger King: Oh, hello Grimace! You feeling hungry, boy?
Grimace: Not for your disgusting food!
Burger King then pulled out a nugget.
Burger King: Are you sure you don't want a nugget?
Grimace: No!
Burger King then fed him a nugget and he starts choking and lays on the ground. He then laughed.
Burger King: Disgusting, isn't it?! Now where are you, Ronald?
Cartman: Damn. He dissed his own food.
Kyle: He's obviously just joking, dumbass!
Ronald then entered the playground.
Ronald: Well well well. If it isn't the Burger King. What are you doing here? You coming to tell me that you're closing down 2,000 more locations?
He laughs hard.
Red: What the hell is happening?
Wendy: I don't know, but it can't be good.
Burger King: No. I came to give you your mother's panties back because she woke up with the king this morning.
Cartman: Oh Damn...
Ronald: YOU KEEP MY MOTHER'S NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!
Burger King: Oh, what are you gonna do, spill hot coffee of an old lady again and get sued?
Craig: Ha! Roasted.
Ronald: I might just spill hot coffee on your ass, pussy!
Burger King: Look, Ronald. I didn't come here to fight. (He then pulls out a whopper.) I came here to offer you a whopper.
Ronald then starts gagging dramatically.
Ronald: Oh god! Not that flame broil bullshit!
Annie: Whoppers are good! What are you talking about? (All the kids on the playground gave her angry glares.) What? You actually agree with that psycho?!
Bebe: I mean he does have a point. Whoppers are gross!
Ronald: That little bitch with the blonde hair and red glasses gets it! In fact, how about I offer you something a little better? (He pulls out a Big Mac.) How about I offer you a Big Mac?
Burger King: Meat's looking a little thin there, Ronald. You're compensating for something?
Ronald: I'm compensating? At least I don't have to come out with a red bunned burger from the Spider-Verse so people will remember who the shit I am! You know who I have?! I have Cardi B, I've got Travis Scott! They're my homies!
Pip: Didn't Travis Scott ruin the 2019 Super Bowl halftime show?
Dougie: Please don't mention that.
Burger King: Look Ronald, just close your eyes and open your mouth.
Ronald: Is this a trick?
Burger King: Oh no. I'm just gonna give you what I gave your mother last night. My meat in your mouth! (He then shoves the whopper into Ronald's mouth, much to the shock of all the kids in the playground.) Yeah! How do you like that, clown boy?! That'll calm you down. (He gets up and approached the main 4.) God, I fucking hate that guy. So, why do you guys eat McDonalds and not Burger King? Our burgers are flame broil.
Stan: Well, I like the taste to your food more, but back in 2020, I threw up a lot and I got like really bad food poisoning and so, I decided that I'm never gonna eat it again.
Kyle: Same thing happened to me.
Cartman: And me.
Kenny: (I died from it.)
Burger King: I'm sorry. What about the rest of you kids?
Annie: Your food is awesome.
Everyone gave her angry glares again.
Red: I'm sorry?! Do you want to die from eating that stuff?!
Burger King: It's just her opinion on my food.
Millie: We know, but still.
Burger King: Anyways, I'm gonna take off now. But before I do, do you guys want some free Burger King?
Annie: Yes!
The Rest of the South Park Kids: NO!!!
Annie: (Pouts) I hate you guys!
Burger King: Oh... Okay. You sure? I'm not a psycho like Ronald.
Kyle: We don't want your food.
Burger King: Alright then. If you change your mind, let me know.
He is about to leave until Ronald got up and punches him in the face hard.
Ronald: Did you forget that I ALWAYS COME BACK?!!! PREPARE TO DIE, BURGER KING!!!
Burger King: Oh it's on, Clown Boy!
(Play Breaking the Law by Judas Priest for the rest of this section.)
Ronald McDonald and Burger King start having a fist fight on the playground, and all the kids start cheering. Ronald was punching Burger King multiple times and he then gets kicked in the nuts. Burger King counterattacks by punching him directly in the eye.
Cartman: Holy shit! Ronald McDonald and Burger King are fighting in our skewl!
They continued to fight harder.
Ronald: YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR POISONING GRIMACE WITH YOUR NUGGETS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!
Burger King: We'll see about that, clown boy!
Ronald punches him in the face and Burger King was continuing to fight back. All the kids cheered and some were chanting "fight fight fight" multiple times and the two restaurant mascots continued to fight until...
PC Principal: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!!!
The song abruptly ended with a record scratch at the 0:53 mark.
Burger King: Oh shit.
Later in the principal's office...
PC Principal: You two were fighting on a playground full of kids! Like seriously?! You are the richest people in the world and you decided to fight on my school grounds! I expect this kind of behavior from the students who come here, especially Eric Cartman, but you two?!
Ronald: HE POISONED GRIMACE WITH HIS NUGGETS!!!
Burger King: He was gonna kill three of his students! What was I supposed to do?!
Ronald: YOU COULD'VE KILLED HIM WITH YOUR FOOD, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!
PC Principal: ENOUGH!!!
Ronald: IN FACT, IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR BANNING MY FOOD!!! YOU CAUSED ALL OF THIS!!!
Mr. Mackey: Ronald is right. You did kinda piss him off.
Mr. Garrison: I think we should lift the ban.
Strong Woman: Good idea. Let's call everyone to the assembly.
Later at the assembly, PC Principal starts to speak.
PC Principal: Students, I have an announcement to make. Apparently, Ronald McDonald is pissed because I banned his food from this school all because of what he did. So, I have decided to lift the ban of McDonalds food. As of today, you are free to bring any food from restaurants to this school for lunch, especially McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's and many more. This is to avoid pissing off all of the mascots of those said restaurants. Any questions?
Nate: I have one. Can we bring Applebee's food to this school for our lunches?
PC Principal: Yes, Nate! I just said that! Oh, and Butters, you will not be going to Summer School. You're only getting detention for the rest of the month for illegally selling food in this school while it was banned! And we all learned something today and that lesson is... never piss off Ronald McDonald. Anyways, you can all go back to your classrooms.
Ronald: And remember, YOU BRATS BETTER NOT PISS ME OFF AGAIN OR ELSE I WILL COME BACK HERE AND KICK ALL OF YOUR ASSES!!!
Burger King: Let's just go. This meeting is over. And sorry for the fight we had.
PC Principal: It's fine. Just don't do it again.
Ronald: We won't.
Chef: By the way, we called 911 and they took Grimace to the hospital.
Ronald: Good!
Everyone left the assembly and all the kids gave Butters, Pip and Dougie angry glares.
Millie: Nice going, you dumb cocks!
Nelly: Stupid assholes!
She angrily kicks Dougie in the face.
Dougie: Ow!
Daniel: You guys are dicks!
They all walked away angrily.
Dougie: I told you guys this was a bad idea! Now every kid is pissed at us for what happened!
Pip: But at least we still made thousands of dollars. Now I can pay to get a roof on my head.
Butters: True. But I got detention. My parents are gonna be really pissed.
Pip: I'll pray for you.
Dougie: Next time, you should listen to me!
Butters: Okay! We will!
Dougie: Good! Anyways, here's my stop. See you after school.
Dougie goes in his classroom.
Pip: Allie and I are still a thing, as long as I never do it again, and I won't.
Butters: Good for you.
They entered their classroom.