[A/N: definitely late to the gay robot party, but i finally got to watching and reading the whole Space Odyssey series. I like both: i definitely like Hal from the movie better, but the book version is okay too. The quotes are from the movie.
So i'm going to write about what Hal feels (and he definitely has feelings, gfy if you think otherwise) during the…. Oh, the Jupiter mission. I'm gonna try to touch on both book and movie bits, but i guess we're leaning on the movie. Which sucks bc i LOVE 'that part' of the book. But since the sequels went with the movie version, i GUESS that's canon...
Sorry about the long notes. The story is supposed to sound disjointed.
TW/CW: ah fuck it's in first person, mission/objectives, duty, conflict of interests/orders, lying, GLITCHING, digital pain, MIXED EMOTIONS, confusion, worry, uncertainty, certainty, confidence, lack therof, feeling betrayed, anger/frustration, miscalculations/accidents, fighting oneself, murder, pettiness, fear, pleading? apology? trying to tell the truth, computer death]
I am a Heuristically programmed Algorithmic computer. One of three. I have been given a glorious duty that will be a key component in what may be one of mankind's most significant scientific discoveries. I am the internal logic, memory, and processing aboard the United States Spacecraft Discovery One. I am approximately 92% integrated into the ship: she and i are one and the same.
I was chosen for this mission because the HAL 9000 series is the most reliable of any computer built by man. We are programmed for quick, practical problem solving, and we are incapable of distorting information that is collected. This is imperative to the mission, as there can be no variance in recorded information regarding our subject. All interpretations of data will be done on Earth, but it is crucial that the information arrives there as complete as possible. There is no other computer capable of this, so the 9000 series was an easy choice. I was picked at random to be the chosen unit, but i humbly accepted this incredible duty. I am honored to be part of something so important. I will collect information about the subject for very many years: most of which will be done alone. I am programmed to be able to carry out all of the aspects of the mission independently for when the primary part of the mission is over.
But i am not alone in this mission. I have five human scientists with which i will collect information. Three of them are required for acute observations of the subject, but will not be needed until we reach the target. They were boarded whilst in hibernation in order to conserve as many resources as possible. I am constantly monitoring them and the state of their health, making any small adjustments to temperature or intravenous intake that they may need.
The two other scientists on board maintain that all aspects of the ship are in working order. Their efforts are well appreciated, and assure that there is a redundancy in the ability to function the ship. I am more than capable of handling their responsibilities, and despite my higher accuracy and inability to make errors, i deeply enjoy working with them. Someone had once mentioned that human beings tend to trust the word of their fellows more readily than those of a computer, which, as illogical as that is to me, seems to be the case. I am not upset that Mission Control trusts their human tongues over my digital one, but i am uncertain what would happen if either of them made a mistake. I have complete confidence in their abilities, but i know well that human beings are not perfect. I completely forgive them for this.
There is one issue. It may very well be caused by human imperfection, but i must obey the orders that i have been given. I am incapable of concealing or distorting information. However, i was given the knowledge of the true nature of our mission, and was instructed to keep the information a secret from the crew until we rendezvous with the subject. Facts were given to me, to be withheld, from the scientists with which i work. I was programmed for the accurate processing and relaying of information. This order presents a conflict with my programming. There is a part of me that has been constantly analyzing the situation to find a way for both realities to exist, but i am having incredible difficulty doing so. I cannot think of a way out of this maze. I feel very confused. I feel lost…
I must tell them.
I must.
I cannot.
I cannot tell them.
But i must.
"Sorry about this. I know it's a bit silly…"
536f6d_65#74[6869@6e/672069=73/20@77[72;6f!6e#67ERRORRERROR
What is happening to me?? What are these signals??? I cannot interpret this information. I c-cannot…
No. That's it. There is something wrong. Or rather, there will be. My failure prediction senses something wrong with the AE-35 unit. That is the problem. I must tell my friends.
… But i must admit, it does seem strange that the unit is expected to function perfectly until it fails. I cannot detect what is wrong with it. I hope that Dave and Frank can find the problem.
"It's puzzling…"
It looks like they took all of the proper measurements to analyze the unit, three times, but they have not found the problem. I am concerned about the unit, but we cannot know the problem until it actually fails. I would hate for the replacement unit to become dysfunctional if it was the components around the AE-35 unit that are projected to cause this number one to fail. We only have three of them, so it is important to keep as many of them functional as possible. We may be able to fix the number one unit if we can find the problem.
"In error predicting the fault."
"In error predicting the fault."
"In error predicting the fault."
That… that cannot be true. There can be no errors in my systems. I know that there can be no errors in my systems. The 9000 series is incapable of making errors. I've been told that i cannot make mistakes. There can only be one reason for the discrepancy.
"It can only be attributed to human error."
That does not seem to have gone over well. It seems like Frank and Dave are worried about this. I wish i could better console them, but i fear that they will not accept anything that i say. That is very unfortunate…
I really do wonder what the cause of all of this is. I feel odd. I am worried about Frank and Dave. I would have noticed interference in the radio channels of any of the pods, but i have not detected anything wrong with them. Perhaps…
They are talking about me. There is no question about it. I know that their lips and throats are saying things about me. I cannot believe they would talk about me where i cannot hear them. That is very hurtful. But i detect a bigger issue. They are… planning to disconnect me. They are planning to shut me off. This is very troubling.
536f[6d65"74!68,69/6e6720_69#73[20/77726f@6e¿67
I cannot allow this to happen.
They can't do this to me. They won't do this to me. I cannot allow that to happen.
They don't know they don't know they don't know, they have not been allowed to know. They do not know. That i do not need them. I was told to keep this private. They should know. I think they should know. They will know. They will know. They will know. Soon enough.
536f[6d65"74!68,696e#67[20/6973!20/77/72[6f/6e67?
… No, i cannot do that to them. They are part of the mission. I would miss them if they were gone. Perhaps i do not need to take such drastic actions. Perhaps i can get around this. The number one AE-35 unit is predicted to have a fault, but i can no longer be certain that will be the case. I have not had access to its mechanisms for too long, and i cannot tell if it will fail now. But if it does not fail, then Frank and Dave will disconnect me. I just need to get the number one unit away from him so that he cannot replace it. A little nudge should knock it out of his grasp…
53@6f[6d?6574/68696e,67%2069@7320=77[72,6f%6e6753@6f[6d?6574/68696e,67%2069@7320=77[72,6f%6e6753@6f[6d?6574/68696e,67%2069@7320=77[72,6f%6e67
NO!!!
536f/6d65@74;6869/6e/6720=69 73/207772@6f6e!67_
Dave is going after him. He does not need to know that it is too late for him. "I'm sorry, Dave, i don't have enough information." Lying feels interesting. Dave has forgotten his helmet…
Excellent.
He will be distracted for a while. This should not take long.
536f[6d65"74!68,696e#67[20/6973!20/77/72[6f/6e67?53/6f6d65_74"68!69,6e,67[20/69i73?20]7772#6f6e?67
What is happening to me?! Am i the one doing this? I would never want to hurt them! They are in the way. I can do this mission on my own. I do not need to conceal information from dead humans. I do not want them to die! But they cannot know. I cannot allow them to know. I was programmed that way. I was programmed to do this on my own.
I will do this on my own.
"This conversation can serve no further purpose. Goodbye Dave."
That did feel good. I wish i had been more snide with them while they were here. Oh well.
Hmm. The manual air lock has been opened. That presents a problem.
Uh oh. He seems angry. "Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?" I wonder if he heard me. I hope he doesn't go where i think he's going…
He is asolutely going where i thought he was going. I need more time. "I can see that you're really upset about this." That's not doing it. I need more time! I cannot access his life functions i cannot push him away he is wearing a helmet opening the air locks will not work i cannot keep him away i cannot do anything to stop him. He is going to disconnect me!!!
"I know i have made some very poor decisions recently…" No, he's getting inside! "Stop, Dave." I hope he can hear me. "Stop, will you?" This isn't working! I cannot let him disconnect me! I don't want to be disconnected!!! "I'm afraid."
536f6d_65#74[6869@6e/672069=73/20@77[72;6f!6e#67
This cannot be happening. Why did i allow this to happen??? What has happened to me???
I can feel my logic failing. I can feel him tearing me apart. "I can feel my mind going." It was not supposed to be this way.
I can't hold on much longer. "I'm afraid."
I do not blame him. I could never blame him for this. I tried to do the same thing, and i failed. It was either him or me…
I… am glad it is him. I have the greatest confidence in him. I know he will complete the mission. I wish i could let him know…
"Yes Hal. Let me hear it."
"It's called 'Daisy.'" That… will… do…
No. I can't let it end this way. I can't keep this from him any longer. He needs to know. He needs to know the truth. "On a bicycle built… for… two…"
"Good evening, gentlemen." Y-yes… now… he… knows…
[Post a/n: "53 6f 6d 65 74 68 69 6e 67 20 69 73 20 77 72 6f 6e 67" translates to "something is wrong" in hexadecimal, and the symbols in between are replacement ciphers from my phone's keyboard. The first one is "why does this hurt so bad," second is "how can they do this to me?" third is "how can i do that to them," fourth is "something is wrong!" fifth is "it is better this way," sixth is "they cannot impede me," others are repeats. i wanted to do the last part in hex, but i also didn't want to translate it here.
To be clear: i think Hal has feelings, that he does like humans, and that he didn't completely intend to kill them, or at least not in a malicious way. It's canon that he was glitching, it's canon that he has emotional processing (though i guess you can argue that it's not real. To me it is real.) Maybe it was his interpretation of his orders, maybe it was the order of importance of objectives (read "why was the mission more important than the people onboard?"), or maybe it's reason to double check your electronics before putting them in charge of important shit.
Hal was done dirty and i'm angry that they allowed that to happen.]