They don't know how to say "I love you," so they don't.
A man with commitment issues and troubled past, he barely can even associate his feelings with love. It took years to admit even to himself that he truly does love the former Mossad assassin, much less admit it to her. He couldn't ever figure out how to tell her; so he didn't.
A women who had lived a life full of such pain that most could never understand it, her guard was always up. Trust did not come easily for her. Eventually, she realized the depth of her feelings, and that for the first time, she understood love. With such a battered past though, she never could figure out how to tell him, so she didn't.
They had only known each other for about a day, but the chemistry was already undeniable. They shared pizza and coffee, and felt more at ease with each other than either had expect. She wasn't used to opening up to people so quickly, but she couldn't help herself as she shared about her sister. That trust didn't come easily, and so she knew her feelings were already strong. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
The time the partners were investigating at a shipping yard, they ended up boxed in a cargo container. With plenty of time, they talked and got a bit caught up. He was offended that she hadn't invited him to a party, but she never told him why; she was afraid of what would happen if she let him in that much. Still locked in the container, they spent their time planning, but mostly importantly, protecting each other. She teased him about making a big deal about the injury to his arm, but everyone knew she was genuinely concerned. No one was truly surprised when she cooked dinner for him that night to make up for the party. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
They had spent the summer spending as much time together as possible. With their boss being gone, no one would know. Things didn't work out like that though; she was asked point blank if they'd slept together, and she didn't know how to answer. Then, at the end of the summer, their boss came back. They could have gone to separate teams at work, but they didn't want that. So they pretended. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
When she didn't show up for work one day, he knew something was wrong. He couldn't bare to think of anything happening to her, and he couldn't put it out of his mind. Despite direct orders not to, he couldn't help but to get involved. He'd risked everything. In the end when she was safe, they still couldn't quite communicate their feelings. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Lately, he had been closed off and distant. There had been many trips to the hospital, and many weird phone calls. She was worried. Their boss teased her about her feelings, but she couldn't help herself when thinking about all the things that could be wrong. She was devastated when she found out that it was another girl. In the end though, he let the other relationship go. When trying to figure out what to do, he shared how it wasn't him that he was afraid would be hurt, and she told him that he was a good person. She couldn't go deeper, though. In the end, the other girl told him to pick, and he did. That relationship crashed and burned. The other girl, he could live without. He couldn't let her go though, not ever. Of course, he couldn't tell her that she was the reason the other relationship failed. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
She was watching the screen when his car blew up live. Her emotions went wild. He couldn't be dead, right? As she breathlessly breathed his name, she didn't care who heard it. Her temporary bravery was gone though, when he walked in joking like nothing had happened. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Soulmates were a new concept to her. Love itself was a new concept to her. When she had been asked if she believed on soulmates though, internally she knew the answer immediately. He was her soulmate, and always would be. When she asked him the same question though, he blew her off, and her heart was broken. He didn't get it. If he felt as deeply as she did, he would have understood immediately. She'd wanted to tell him how she felt, but it was clear he wasn't ready. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Seeing her with another guy brought out a new side of him. He knew that it was part of her undercover work, but it hurt nonetheless. When she had to shoot the man she'd been seeing undercover, she broke and he broke for her. She was beyond upset, and he just wanted to help. He tried tussling her hair, as it usually made her smile. Instead of smiling though, she recoiled at the touch. She quickly apologized, her brain had just taken a minute to catch up and realize that it was him; he'd never hurt her, not on purpose. Her recoil only made him hurt for her all the more, and he thought about telling her how he felt. When she went to meet another guy at the bar to wrap things up though, he knew he couldn't tell her. He didn't know how. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
During protective duty in LA, he convinced her to loosen up. He took photos of her in a bikini, and she just smirked. Later, she teased him with her body. The feelings were getting harder to deny. When they lost the director they were protecting though, they were both numb, overtaken by guilt. They were the only comfort the other wanted. Stakes were high. They talked about partners, and how love was inevitable. Still though, they couldn't admit that they were inevitable themselves. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
After losing the director, they were both reassigned. While they were forced to be separated though, they missed each other like crazy. He even put her bikini photos on the wall. When they were reunited though, the hurt that neither had called the other was evident. All they had wanted during their time apart was each other. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
During a war game, they had been given orders not to engage. When he was knocked down on the ground though, she couldn't help herself. Protecting him was a reflex. When fighting about it later, she started explaining how she saw him. She couldn't finish her thought though, because if she did, they'd be reaching uncharted territory. So he calmly told her how he was tired of pretending, and she replied that she was too. They knew the curtain had to go down eventually, but neither was ready. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Ever since being reunited on the team, she had been different. She had met someone in Israel, and he wasn't happy about it. His jealousy was obvious. When she began hiding things, he knew he needed to confront her. Upon arriving at her apartment though, she wasn't there; only another man. Things did not end well for the other man, and she was devastated. So they fought. When she asked him why he broke protocol and risked his career, he couldn't give the full answer, and only admitted as much as he dared. "For you." He answered. It was his job as her friend to protect her. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
When she stayed behind because she was so angry at the death of the other man, he tried to respect that. At the news of her death though, he went crazy. Life, business, everything lost meaning without her. He couldn't keep going on, so he tracked down her killer, unsure if he would make it out alive. Nothing else mattered anymore though, and he needed justice. So when he was captured and realized that she wasn't dead after all, his heart about pounded out of his chest. When she asked why he was there, he answered as truthfully as could without actually saying it. "Couldn't live without you, I guess," he aanswered. What he didn't know, is that she was thinking about how she couldn't live without him either. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
When she was ready to return to work, they weren't quite ready to talk. With elevator eyes that were basically undressing each other, the sexual tension was high, though. Coworkers excused themselves, because it'd be awkward to stay. When he saw her in the men's bathroom, he thought that'd conversation would be awkward too, but it was anything but. She poured her heart out, explaining her motives and how sorry she was, how she trusted him, and how she knew he always had her back. Despite how deep she got though, and the kiss on the cheek, she was careful to not reveal just how much she cared. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
They've truly always brought out the best in each other. When he drew the office jerk's name for secret Santa, he'd planned on doing something small. She convinced him to show the coworker kindness. He tracked down the childhood present the coworker had wanted, and saw the coworker melt at receiving it. She couldn't have been more proud of him, and he didn't know how to thank her for the encouragement. He wanted to say more, but wasn't sure what to person who truly does bring out your best. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
He did have a habit of talking a lot, and goofing off. His goofy personality is one of the things that she loved about him though, and she didn't like it when he seemed to change. He was losing who he was. Honestly, he didn't seem to know who he was. He was everything to her though, and his goofy personality was one of the best parts. As she have him a peptalk, she could see it get to him. His eyes locked in hers, and she couldn't help herself when she added, "and that, is why we love you." She would tow the line, but she didn't dare cross it. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
They shared many intimate moments during an assignment in Paris. A bed was shared, photos of her were taken, and the witness they were protecting even picked up on their feelings. No one could know just how close they got though, so they lied to their friends about it. Still though, they knew they were closer from the trip. He showed her his favorite picture from the trip, and it was one of her; that was as much as they dared to say. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Neither one had a date that Saturday night, they only wanted to spend time with each other. Admitting that though, would be more than either could handle. So they lied to each other, saying their dates had canceled. They admitted to being friends, but would not go further, and enjoyed a movie. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
She had met someone during a case, and he was jealous. He didn't do a good job hiding it, either. It didn't make sense to him. He knew he didn't have a right to be jealous, she knew where he slept for God's sake. Didn't she realize they were meant for each other? They'd never said it, though, and they still weren't going to. He pushed his feelings to the side, knowing be had no right to judge her. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
An old mutual friend had died, and they were both devastated. They embraced, comforting each other the best way they knew how. She was feeling defeated, though. Why keep catching the monsters when there are alwayss more? Instead of making the world better, those catching them are just making themselves a target. His heart breaks, wanting only to take her pain away. He knows just what to do though, as he gently caresses her face and whispers that they'll catch them. There's more that he wants to say, but he can't. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
There was hardly a more romantically dysfunctional pair. They were both in relationships, but the other parties could tell the depth of the feelings for the other. The furthest they could get, was admitting they were in each other's life. When a victim's husband asked how long they'd been together, neither knew how to answer. In the end, they said they were good friends. "Cherish each other… everyday." The victim's husband told them. And they couldn't help but smile as they got lost in each other's eyes. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
When there was a bomb threat on the Navy Yard, they couldn't go to their friends wedding. They pretended they didn't care, but they were devastated. The commitment issues were slowly coming down, and for the first time, they could see themselves actually getting married. They joked about the hard parts of the wedding, but choked themselves up by bringing up the cake, rings, kiss, dance, and most of all, the vows. They finally joked and agreed that they'd both rather elope. The unspoken words were that they'd only want to get married at all if it was to each other. Expressing the depth of their feelings was too crazy of a thought, though. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
They didn't quite catch the bomber in time. There was warning and they were able to evacuate, but the bomb was going to go off. As they ran through the hall clearing each room, he told her to go on. She wouldn't evacuate though, not without him. When they were ready to go, they decided to stupidly take the elevator. They were trapped when the bomb went off, and they fell on each other, protecting each other. Trying to escape, they were hot, sweaty, and she was on his shoulders. They slipped. As they looked each other in the eyes, it felt like the earth had moved. In a way, the earth had moved. Things would never be the same between them, and they knew it. They got deeper, and neither could deny it was a matter of time. When her dad called to check on them, she said that Tony would never change his juvenile behavior. Her tone seemed angry though, not wanting to let on how much she loved it. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
The boys of the team weren't great about inviting her to guy things, and she felt left out. She made them a bet. The next girl they saw, no matter who, they had to ask out. Of course, when she made the bet, she had meant herself. Unfortunately, he hadn't realized it in time, and she was hurt. When he did realize it, she turned him down. "Cute, but you had your chance." He kicked himself for that one. Sure, he could always explain that he genuinely only wanted her. Instead, he took her rejection as a sign that the timing wasn't right. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Thanksgiving was hard for him. When he showed her his mom's picture though, he hadn't known it was hard for her, too. She listened intently as he showed her old childhood pictures of boarding school and his mom, and her care meant more to him than she'd ever known. Opening up wasn't her strong suit, not even to him. It took awhile to open up, she finally shared her own holiday struggles with her sister's birthday. His heart broke for her, and he knew he had to cheer her up. She melted as he turned on the Opera music, and he knew he'd done his job. Maybe Thanksgiving didn't suck after all, as long as they each other. No matter how much they loved each other though, neither could say it. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
She truly had not had an easy life, and the blows kept coming. When her dad was murdered, she was absolutely grief stricken. He wanted to do whatever to help, he just wanted what she wanted. She stayed at his apartment, and he did what he could to keep her safe and ward off nightmares. He wasn't able to travel to the funeral with her, but he dropped her off at the airport. As they hugged goodbye, embraced, he whispered, "At lo Lehvad." The words were music to her ears, as it was the first time she'd heard that she wasn't alone in her own language. It had been awhile since words had meant that much to her, and she only wished she tell how much they really had. Instead, she simply whispered, "I know." They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Dancing with a man worthy of her love was a life goal of hers. To be dancing in his arms felt so right, so perfect. For the first time, she felt like that goal was met. She knew it wouldn't last, but she was desperately trying to live in the moment. He had gone to the ends of the world for her once already, and here he was now in Europe with her simply for her revenge mission. All she wanted was to be his. She'd put his clothes always in the hotel room earlier, and joked that her relationship services didn't have much to do with clothes. Dancing in his arms right now, she wanted to show him what those services were. She kept her mouth shut, though. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Her relationship with her dad had been uo and down before he died. Part of the problem had been an affair he had when Ziva was younger. They were driving back to the Navy Yard she shared how her father's mistress as shaped her. He couldn't help himself, as her grabbed her hand and told her that he was glad she was who she was. The line was becoming blurred, quickly. A car rammed them, and they were in an accident before they could say more. The worry for each other after the accident was evident, but they were too afraid to tell each other just how worried they'd been. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
No one was allowed to question her loyalty. He stood up for her time and time again when she was under investigation for sharing secrets. When she was accused of sleeping with another man, he shut the interrogation down quickly, despite his own hurt. He made it an effort to work past it, and got in the investigators face claiming the investigator was going after the bears best friend. Then it turned out, they weren't after her at all, they were after the closest thing she had to a father. She was mad, hurt, and emotional. As they stood in a hidden cabin making a plan, she couldn't help but storm out. He of course, followed to comfort her. She never told him how much his comfort meant to her, or how much she appreciated him holding her. No one saw them kiss; it was guarded, hidden, and not to be spoken of. Feelings were brought to the surface, only to be pushed down again. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
When she traveled to Israel, she truly had meant it to be a short trip. Thinking it was just a visit, she even invited him. He'd been excited, eager to come. Upon uncovering the hurt though, she knew she couldn't return home. She didn't deserve her life, didn't deserve him. So she hid. She'd sent him a clue before going deep into hiding, but she never thought he'd actually be able to find her. He'd move and earth to find her though, and she knew she shouldn't have been surprised when he showed up. She still felt broken though, and knew that she needed time to heal. He begged her to come home, and was willing to give up everything for her. Before, another girl had asked him to give up everything, and he couldn't. This time, he was offering, begging even, to change with her. She knew she needed to change alone, though. They soaked up every last second they had, making goals and memories. Their farewell was fond, but neither wanted it to be a farewell at all, even though she needed it. Tears streamed down her face as they embraced and kissed goodbye at the airport. "You are so… loved," she told him. This was the closest she feared she'd ever get to admittance. He didn't have much to say before walking towards the plane for the final boarding call. "Hardest 180 of my life," he quipped. She was smiling through the pain, but he was crushed as he took one final look at her and waved goodbye. As he situated himself and started a list of goals, a tear fell down his face, too. He couldn't help but smile through the devastation as the found her very special necklace in his pocket, a true treasure. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
He truly had tried to move on. There were several dates, jokes, and all sorts of things. The first while had been hard, missing her, answering questions, and seeing them clean out her desk. It had really gotten to him when he realized she had still kept his old boarding school picture. On the hardest days, he'd clutch the necklace for comfort. He was not prepared at all though, for the day her farmhouse was on the news, engulfed In flames. "One survior," the report said. Immediately, he packed his bags and had a plane ticket booked. He went numb when he was told she was dead. Despite the years, he still loved her. It didn't mean he believed she was dead, but what hope did he have? All he had was a feeling that his soulmate was alive. Until their child was escorted to him. He hadn't known about the shy two year old, but he fell in love immediately. There were so many questions about why she didn't tell him. Deep down though, he was afraid that she knew him better than he thought. He'd never wanted kids. The two quickly bonded, though. He gave the toddler the necklace, and somehow felt better. Just when he was about to give up and work on raising the toddler, he found both an old scarf and an old picture. Paris. It was a picture from Paris. Besides, she loves Paris. These clues were for him. His love wasn't dead at all, and he was going to find her. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
She knew he'd come looking, he'd done it twice before. Everyone believed she was dead, but not him. She tracked him down even quicker than she thought he would, and her heart melted at seeing him with their child. He even convinced the toddler to wear a bandaid. They would be okay while she worked to take care of the threat. One day, they could be a family. For now though, their time was limited, and she needed to focus on their child. While the feelings were still there, they'd have to wait. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
Her heart couldn't take much more. She'd been running, hiding, protecting, tracking, and fighting for years now. She needed to return to him, to their daughter. He was still fighting for her, and she was still fighting for them. All she wanted was to go home to them. She had tracked the threat down, and was working with a new team to keep her family safe. A pair of partners on the new team reminded her of what she had with him, and she couldn't help but smile. "Don't be a wuss, tell her how you feel," she'd encouraged. She wanted to make sure they knew what they had. Not to mention there was a small part of her that knew she needed to share her feelings, too. Finally, with help from the team, the risk was over. She was ready to home, but was discouraged that she hadn't heard from him. What if she wasn't ready? How would he respond? Her heart soared when she received a video. "I love you, Ima! We miss you." In that moment, she knew she was ready. Not only was she ready, but she'd be shown grace once again. They didn't know how to say "I love you," so they didn't.
As she got off the airplane, her nerves wracked back up. After so many years, how would he react? Deep down, she knew. He would show her care, kindness, and forgiveness. This, she knew, would be the best 180 of her life. She wasn't surprised in the least when his was the first face she saw after exiting customs, a grinning 5 year old on his shoulder. She couldn't help but run to them, crying. The tears kept coming as she embraced her family- her whole family. Finally, after all these years, these two people thrown together in the most crazy of circumstances finally understood what the simple four letter "L" word meant. Maybe, it wasn't that complicated after all. The three words that they'd been avoiding saying for years didn't seem so hard anymore. In their own way, maybe they'd been saying it for years; through jokes, support, grace, gestures, and deep connection, they had been saying "I love you" in a million different ways. Now, they knew those were three words they would say to each other every chance they had, every day for the rest of their lives.
They finally know how to say "I love you," and so they do. Every day.