Where we are going always reflects where we came from.
He felt terrible, Anakin's life flashed before his eyes. He relived his first memories, as a slave to Gardulla the Hut, he remembered his other being used for the pleasure and entertainment of others, if she resisted or disobeyed she would be whipped and beaten.
Before he could walk there were images stuck in his head of slaves being forced to fight each other for entertainment. Another memory of when Watto won him and his mother flashed through his eyes, a group of slaves decided they had enough and ran away barely five steps out of the town the chips implanted in their chests exploded killing them all, despite being young and his mother shielding him from the sight, he still remembered the screams and explosions. The pain, misery, and loss all spun by and he felt disgusted, that both the Jedi and Republic would support the crime syndicate behind all this pain and suffering, and he was aiding one of the largest Syndicates responsible for slavery in the galaxy.
"I sense great conflict in you Anakin." Anakin's former master noted from beside him. Onboard a venture-class star destroyer at the command center of the ship. Although Obi-Wan had sensed his former padawan's discomfort with the force as soon as they had left Tatooine, it had grown to where even the clones had started to avoid Anakin.
"Before I met the Jedi I had dreamed of becoming someone powerful, someone who could travel the galaxy and free everybody subjected to servitude." Anakin recounted what he had once told Qui-Gon so many years ago. His eyes told the whole story, the pain he recollected, the suffering and turmoil present within himself currently.
"Take some time in your quarters Anakin, we have no orders at the moment. I'll help out with your padawan for the time being,"
"Thanks, Obi-Wan," a slight smile formed on Anakin's face, he would talk to his wife. Maybe she could help him with the conflict he was facing. His sleeping quarters were a small room not meant for long-term use or much moving around, there were gyms designated for exercise, but Anakin was used to the confined living quarters in the Jedi Temple, he still hadn't spent much time in his larger personal quarters now he was a Jedi knight. With the war most of the time he was in one of the officer quarters on board these ships. It was midday on Coruscant at the moment, Padme would be working in the senate building and he knew better than to disturb her at work, he would send a message to her apartment so that she could call after work.
For now, he had to try to meditate, something that had never been easy for him. Sitting still had never been something Anakin excelled in, he had never sat still on Tatooine that meant being punished by his owner, sitting still had always been foreign to him, when he sat down it was generally to tinker with something that had been broken, he had often been criticized for the cluttered nature of his space as a padawan, wires, and circuits spread out throughout his room. He had shifted from mechanics to lightsaber training as a way to maintain the organization in his room it is why he had grown so skilled in combat, years spent using his lightsaber for meditative purposes had honed his skills. However now that no one was checking his room for cleanliness he started to mess around with wires again.
During meditation, Jedi often could sense emotions surrounding them, as well as sometimes receive visions of the force. While for most, visions in the force were rare Anakin experienced them often and never once had a vision failed to come true.
When working on 3PO he often had visions of a completed droid with golden plating and for the longest time Anakin had believed that it had been a boy's dreams of fame and riches that had fueled that vision but now it was true, Padme had replaced the dark paneling that had once been dawned by 3PO, he now glistened gold representing the stature of the women who he now served.
He had seen himself winning the Boonta Eve classic with the pod racer he was building, again believing the dreams of a young child, but when a Jedi walked into his master's shop all those years ago it had clicked into place he had been destined to enable the stranded group to leave.
The dreams of his mother's death had come true, and the grief he had felt at the moment had clouded his judgment, he truly regretted killing all those sand people, no matter if they were responsible for his mother's death or not. It hadn't been his power to stop death that allowed her to die, it had been his denial of the vision and he hadn't acted on the dream soon enough. The next time a vision of such nature appeared he would head it, doing what the force willed him to do knowing that going against the force's wishes would only force what he saw to come true.
As he worked now with a new acceptance of the force, he was tinkering on a new hand one that wouldn't attract the sith lightning, as he had sensed the electricity honed in on metallic hand. He felt the force guide him, replacing metallic bits on the outside with some rubberized parts he had bought on Coruscant as he felt connected to them, but he had not known why at the time. Now however he realized that they had been calling to him, for they would soon be a part of him.
He sensed hope surrounding the force, he saw a gleaming city in the desert, freedom for all within. Somehow he knew the the force wanted him to be the one to create this magnificent city, but Anakin didn't know where to start, so he let the force guide him. The force showed him the remains of Jabba's palace within the walls of the city. A house humble in stature at the center of this oasis and a family within, an older Anakin had a different lightsaber one far more elegant than the one he had currently, designed for accurate hits rather than the power he used currently.
By this time Anakin was deeply connected to the force his eyes closed in concentration, hands moving seemingly of their own accord on a new hand. Unknown to Anakin, Obi-Wan watched, enthralled by this form of meditation, he had been unable to realize why his padawan had always needed something in his hands, but know it made sense. As a boy working in a mechanic shop Anakin had found a way to utilize the force to heighten his abilities to make and fix items at a speed that would seem superhuman to most. The council could offer some advice on how to aid his former padawan's growth with this technique. For now, however, he would leave Anakin in peace.
Anakin's vision changed, he sensed that whatever happened in this vision would come true if he did not pursue his dreams of freeing those from servitude. He felt an overwhelming amount of fear, suffering, and pain. The dark side ruled his vision flooding Anakin with these emotions. He saw a shadow lift his hand and choke Padme, his wife dying in childbirth, and he saw a dark figure rise breathing mechanically. Somehow Anakin could sense that this is what would become of him if he fell to the darkness within.
With a jolt, Anakin returned to reality, a loud beeping could be heard coming from his communicator. Hours had passed since he had started his work, looking down he saw sparks flash from the hand he had been constructing, chuckling to himself he removed some of the electrical elements. The hand could wait, his wife could talk to him now and Anakin wouldn't waste the little time he had with her.
"Hello, Knight Skywalker." The voice of Senator Amidala rang from the device.
"Senator," Anakin responded. They always greeted each other formally in case one had company present. "Please call me Anakin, we are friends after all." His voice was riddled with a playfulness that always seemed to burst from him while seeing Padme. However, he was met with an eye roll.
"Ani, I thought we had agreed to limit the communications between us." A pout dawned on his face.
"And here I thought my wife would be happy to see me," Anakin teased her, knowing that of course, she was glad to be talking with him. " I wanted to talk about the last mission I had, being back on Tatooine awoke some old memories." Padme smiled a little, despite the gravity in Anakin's voice, getting him to open up had been a challenge maybe he would today.
"How can I help? Would you like to talk about them?" Padme knew asking him to talk about his past would only push him away, as it had multiple times before.
Anakin smiled, "before I met you, I used to dream that one day I would explore the galaxy, freeing worlds from the shadows of slavery." He paused, he had never been the best at words. "And then I met you and Qui-Gon," a smile had crossed his face, "I was whisked away to Coruscant, and became a Jedi. But I feel like I could do more for the galaxy, as a Jedi I feel limited to the space that the republic cares about, and now that the republic has started to focus on the outer rim, they aren't looking at the slavery that the planets here are riddled with, but they are supporting the powers on each planet so they can utilize the resources and control that they possess over the hyperspace lanes" Anakin took a deep breath, he had just unloaded a lot onto Padme. As he looked at Padme, there was some understanding in her eyes.
"You feel like you've betrayed everyone from your childhood." Anakin nodded.
"I don't know what to, do." He paused, remembering the visions from earlier. " That's not true, I don't know if I have the strength to do what I need to do." Padme gave a reassuring smile.
"Even as the kid I met, you were the kindest most good-natured person I have ever met, you gave Qui-Gon, Jar-Jar and I shelter even though you barely had enough space for you and your mother. As long as that kid is in here," pointing at her heart, "I've got your back."
"Even after the Tuskens?" It wasn't much of a question, after all, they had gotten married since then. But after all the reflection he had done, he wasn't sure if he would ever forgive himself.
"Do you regret it?" She didn't need an answer, his eyes showed her everything. "We can't change the past, as long as we learn from mistakes and move forward, we'll support each other. Ok?" A small smile.
"Ok."