—CONFRONTATION—
—J
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As I stared into the dull, green eyes of the man I once loved, I realised I felt nothing for him whatsoever. Sure, my heart sunk at his obvious suffering but other than that, nothing.
"Are you okay? You look a little pale," I asked, kindly telling him he looked like shit.
He was thinning at the waist and chewing on his lower lip like nobody's business, both of which concerned me. V was often known for smoking cannabis back in Uni and even I knew towards the end it got slightly out of control. Now, it looked to have spiralled and I dreaded to think what drugs were currently pumping around in that system of his.
"Jennie," he whispered; voice cracking at the seams.
His tone was pleading and whilst I'd hardly go as far as to say my heart broke, it certainly didn't swell either. If ever I needed confirmation that I no longer held romantic feelings for my ex, here it was. Although that wasn't to say I didn't care. It hurt to see him in such a state of distress.
"What's happened, V?"
His eyes were unable to focus and although vertical for now, I suspected he wouldn't be for much longer unless I offered him a seat, sharpish.
"Do you have any paracetamol or anything? I need something to take the edge off," he rasped, clinging to his head as though suffering extent pain.
I wanted to tell him no but feared he may resort to other methods of persuasion if I were to even say so.
"Erm, I have some in my bag. Is it wise to take them? It won't hurt you will it?" I asked, handing over the packet.
I watched on in horror as he cracked open three and swallowed the lot without needing water, reaching for a fourth.
"That's enough," I warned, removing the pills from his grasp.
His soft eyes lingered on me for a second and even though chapped to the extreme, his worried lips managed a small smile, heartbreakingly sad in its statement.
"You're wearing her shirt," he commented, pointing towards my chosen attire. "It didn't take her long, did it?"
I reluctantly let out a sigh and silently scorned myself for not covering up more in the form of real clothing. I wasn't ashamed of my relationship with Lisa, but that didn't mean I wanted to parade it underneath my ex's nose.
"And I assume you're sleeping with her?" he asked, apparently needing spoken confirmation.
"Yes, she's sleeping with me," spoke Lisa, joining us from the safety of her bathroom, minus a shirt.
Bloody marvellous!
I'd say Lisa chose to go just with sports bra on purpose. Sure, I stole her current shirt from the bathroom floor but would it have killed her to grab another?
"Here she is. Lisa Manoban; the one and only," mocked V, apparently feeling better now he'd washed down a dose of paracetamol.
His violent tremors had somewhat subsided, yet still in dire need of help, I found myself wishing he would leave.
"What are you doing here?" I questioned, adopting a tone resembling that of patronising.
I didn't mean to sound condescending but implementing a calming tone seemed to be the sensible thing to do. After all, who knew what he was capable of? Being maxed up to the eyeballs could see a person do unthinkable things.
"I'm in a spot of bother," he replied, leaning back and casually resting each arm on the sofas back.
"What kind of bother?" asked Lisa, pinning me to her side.
Was she scared?
"Same as last time."
"How much?" she responded, conversing with V as though I wasn't present.
"Two grand." He paused, looking suddenly remorseful. "They're following her."
"What?" I interrupted, no longer able to just silently sit back and listen. "Who's following me?" I asked, having my biggest fears confirmed when V looked nothing short of guilt-ridden.
"No one's following you, Jennie. He's just trying to get a reaction from you," explained Lisa, unknowing to my current predicament.
She proceeded to keep me positioned by her side but I soon escaped her tight hold, needing answers.
"Grey eyes? Neck tattoos?" I asked, aiming my enquiry at V. "He's following me because of you, isn't he? Why?"
"What the hell, Jennie?"
Lisa appeared suddenly furious as she directed her question at me; her undeniable confusion on the matter making me wary.
"Why didn't you tell me this was happening?" she asked, certainly picking her moments.
Her desperate tone and anxious expression didn't sit well with me, though I didn't dare let on. I wouldn't gift V the satisfaction.
"I asked you a question, answer me," I demanded, not taking my eyes away from V's.
"Yeah, it's because of me," he whispered, ever the coward.
"For fuck sake, V! I said I'd kill you if you did this again," growled Lisa, baring actual teeth. "What part of stay the fuck out of her life didn't you understand?"
"Wait, what?" I probed, honing in on the last part of Lisa's speech in particular.
She was talking as if she had an active part in V's departure and the sudden realisation that I was being kept in the dark surrounding this whole thing knocked me for six. I didn't understand any of it and if I wasn't provided with suitable answers in the next coming seconds, I would've expressed my extreme anger in the most terrifying of ways possible.
"Can someone explain what's going on? Who are you in bother with and why do I have someone following me?"
Both Lisa and V shared an odd exchange; their hateful expression saying it all.
"It's Lisa's responsibility to tell you," smiled V, certainly enjoying himself.
I turned my attention to Lisa, waiting not-so-patiently for her to elaborate.
"Look, Jennie. I know you're confused and scared, but it's important that you remain calm," she explained, angering me further.
"Maybe I'll calm down if you tell me what's going on!" I snapped, done with all the secrecy and code-talk.
V piped up from the sofa; the three paracetamols he had knocked back certainly working their magic.
"There never was a job in Scotland," he interrupted, obviously changing his mind regarding 'Lisa's responsibility'. "I owed some people money. Bad people and when I couldn't pay up, they threatened to hurt you. Lisa helped me accumulate the cash and told me to use the rest to skip town. Without you."
What the fuck?
"Fast forward a year later and here I am in the same predicament. They need their cash and they're threatening you if I can't get it."
Embarrassment and shame both veered their ugly heads and as if that wasn't bad enough, wrapping my mind around the fact that my Lisa was the reason V left proved just about impossible. I couldn't believe it.
"You paid him to leave?" I whispered, aiming my enquiry at Lisa.
"Yes, but I did it to protect you."
"Protect me?"
"Yeah, he wasn't just smoking weed, Jennie. He was taking pills, snorting coke, and these men he was involved with were dangerous. I didn't want them knowing you," she declared, sounding awfully stern.
I allowed the severity of the situation to sink in before I continued, desperately clutching at straws. I was trying to see the rationality behind it all but was failing miserably in my attempts.
"How much?" I asked, needing to know.
"Two thousand."
Lisa lowered her gaze, unable to look at me.
"Well, at least it was more than fifty quid," I laughed, though I was far from amused.
I was disgusted.
"I should be used to people taking money at my expense by now," I stated, ignoring Lisa's downfallen face. "Am I not good enough, or something?" I asked no one in particular, verging on hysterical.
"You know you are, Jennie," insisted Lisa, desperate for my gaze on her. "This wasn't about the money. It was about getting him away from you. He was putting you in constant danger and I was worried sick."
"Bullshit!" interrupted V, wide-eyed and raring to go. "You were waiting for this moment all along. Couldn't wait to get rid of me so you could worm your way in. Well, at least now we can swap notes. Tell me Lisa; does she warn you when she's about to come for you, too? Scream your name until she's blue in the face? Oh, and does she still do that cute sigh after you've fucked her good and proper?"
I barely had time to swallow my disgust before Lisa launched herself forward and pulled V up from the sofa by grabbing the collar of his shirt. He was up and in her face within seconds, emulating the true essence of murderous. Though, quick to use my reflexes, I sensed her need to punch something, and cautiously intervened.
"Lisa, don't!" I begged, placing my hand on her trembling arm.
Not expecting my help, V momentarily looked to me with appreciation but I didn't dare gift him the satisfaction of eye contact. What he had said hurt and whether he was high or not was irrelevant.
"Do you regret taking the money?" I asked, skipping formalities.
I looked V dead in the eye and hoped that in doing so, I initiated honesty.
"No," he replied, smugly so. "I only regret not asking for more."
His brutal words hit me straight in the gut and not wanting to break down in front of him, I turned my back on them both, determined not to show my tears. Nothing more was said as I moved past both of them to escape their pathetic excuses. I simply made my way towards Lisa's bedroom, where upon my entrance I ripped off her shirt and scouted out my own clothing.
"Jennie, please wait."
Ignoring Lisa's pleas, I flung myself around her bedroom and began heaving on my top; the one I'd brought along with me for the purpose of redressing tomorrow morning after a delicious night spent having mind-blowing sex with the one I thought I could rely on.
Note the fucking sarcasm.
"Please just let me explain," she whispered, approaching me with caution. "I know you're angry but don't act rash. You're not safe."
"No!" I replied, pushing on her chest when she got too close.
"No?"
"You heard me. I said no," I bit back, looking her dead in the eye. "I can't believe you did this."
"I made a mistake not telling you. I'm sorry."
"You can't even bring yourself to apologise for paying him off, can you?" I spat, sensing the familiar build-up of tears. "I was gonna break up with him anyway, Lisa. You could've just waited!"
"I didn't do it for that reason and you know it," she scolded, disgusted at my insinuation. "And I'm not sorry about paying him to leave. I did it with good intentions and I stick by my decision. I just wish I'd told you."
"Why didn't you?" I questioned, prompting the start of yet another discussion. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It was never the right time," she insisted, making me scoff.
I mindlessly grabbed my bag and checked my phone was inside before I flung it over my shoulder in preparation to leave.
"Do you remember when I found out Mino slept with me for a bet and I told you it made me feel like a prostitute?" I asked, to which she nodded. "That's exactly what this feels like right now, only worse because instead of it being Mino who hurt me, it's you. You put a price on my relationship with V, which means you put a price on me."
"No."
"No?" I enquired, confused.
"Don't fucking compare him to me. I am not Mino, Jen. I would never, ever do that to you," she rasped, truly outraged.
"You really don't see the similarities?" I questioned, finally stopping to look her in the eye.
"No, I don't. There isn't enough money in the world to name your worth. I've waited ten years for you and I'm not about to let some drug addict ex ruin what we've got. This, us; it's the best fucking thing to ever happen and I won't let you walk away."
"That's not your decision to make, Lisa," I replied, moving past her.
I almost reached the door when an alarming thought crossed my mind; my curiosity seemingly getting the better of me.
"Where did you get the money from?"
"What?" she asked, sounding awfully confused.
"The money you gave V. Where did you get it from?"
She refused to answer me at first but soon gave in, likely realising I had a right to know.
"Student loans and stuff."
"And stuff?" I prompted, unsatisfied with that answer.
Student finance was barely enough to live on, let alone pay off a bunch of people.
"Mum's engagement ring. I sold it," she mumbled, splitting me in two.
On one hand, her desperation must've been serious for her to sell the ring but on the other, I was just about ready to ring her bloody neck. How could she even justify doing such a thing? This was V's mess to sort out, not hers.
"Well, that's the final nail in the coffin, isn't it?" I expressed, sealing our fate.
I couldn't stand to be around her.
"That's what you think but it's not," she insisted, glaring those ocean blues of hers straight into mine with so much intensity, I momentarily contemplated forgetting the entire thing to start the reconciliation process. "I'll fix this, Jennie. I always do because you're the love of my life and I'll die before I let anything bad happen to you. I can't apologise for my actions because in doing so, I'll be apologising for loving you," she countered, stern as ever. "And I could never be sorry for that."
I ignored the desperation in her tone and the look of total despair on her face. I sensed that if I didn't walk away soon, I'd fall straight into her arms and beg her to forget the entire charade. But in doing that, I'd be sending her the wrong message entirely and I needed remain strong in my statement. It was important for Lisa to understand that I wasn't some vulnerable girl that needed protecting twenty-four seven from school bullies or against men who seemed so set on taking money at my expense. I was no longer in secondary school and needed her heroic assistance all the time. I was my own, independent person and I just needed her to love and respect me enough not to lie. She had plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth, yet never did. She needed to know that this sort of behaviour was not acceptable and I, for one, was certainly not about to stand for it.
So I left.
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