A/N : Hi I am back with an update. Hope you enjoy.
He wasn't okay. Rafe Cameron knew he was fucked. The moment he had decided to have a friends with benefits situation with OBX's golden girl Kiara Carrera he was essentially wrecked.
He saw her get out of John B's car, her golden brown curls catching sunlight and her usual timid smile absent from her face. As if she sensed him she glanced at him and their eyes met.
This invisible connection he had with her was although too overwhelming for his liking but he hadn't been brave enough to cut it off. Let her go.
Ever since he had accidentally wandered to the music club and found her playing cello he had been hooked. He knew she wasn't like other girls, she worried more about books and studies than primping and the fancy make up stuff, not that he had anything against that, in fact he liked women who dolled up and that is why he was surprised when he found himself attracted to her.
But she wasn't the average teenage girl, Kiara Carrera was ambitious but wasn't cutthroat, she was loyal but always stood for the right even if her friends were wrong and she was kind without being a pushover.
For a few seconds she stared at him and he waited, not only for their usual signal but also for that shy smile that lit up her face but he saw unease.
How easily he could read her expressions was scary in its own way because this was strictly casual and nothing more. A passing fancy, until both or anyone of them got bored of this intense physical attraction, which they hadn't until now.
In her usual slightly demure manner she began walking towards the main hall of the school and he noticed she didn't look back at him which she always did.
TTTTTTTT
Something was going on with his firefly. He often called her that but the fact that he thought that she was his was something that he didn't want to think about. Rafe made sure he crossed paths with her all day hoping she would come to him or maybe, maybe on the off chance tell him what had happened? Which as he knew was a long shot because she preferred to spill her guts to The Three Stooges and no one else.
There had been a time when they were in middle school she used to be attached at the hip to Sarah, his sister but those days had ended as soon as the sophomore year ended. He didn't know what happened between them nor did he care.
They had been fucking each other for almost half a year but she had never opened up to him except on the rare occasions when she pretended her friends were busy and she needed someone to accompany her to a book reading or some weird art movie or for a local concert of some Indie band.
And Rafe had been happy to oblige initially out of boredom but lately because he enjoyed her company so much so, that he had often begun looking up things she liked and casually sliding them into their conversations which, they, again rarely had, just so he could spend time with her.
He saw her exit the chemistry class and stop short when she saw him. Topper was yammering about the upcoming soccer match and Rafe had half a mind to tape his mouth shut.
Again like a besotted fool he waited for some encouraging gesture but saw her rush to the toilet.
Anger and something else which hit him forcefully had him do the most insane thing and follow her to the girls washroom.
She was about to wash her face and two other girls were standing in front of the mirror. He asked them if there was anyone else and the one immediately behind Kie shook her head.
Rafe then ordered them out and they left. Standing this close to her he could see her eyes were puffy and she was looking pale. He had never gotten this worried before for anyone else except his sister.
"What's wrong?" He genuinely wanted to know. An unknown urgency was hammering his insides.
Kiara angrily whispered, "Are you mad? Do you want people to find out?"
It hadn't been easy to hide their arrangement. Once or twice he had wanted to say fuck it all and disclose it but that had been out of the frustration of sneaking around rather than wanting to define what they were to each other.
But did he really want people to find out was something he hadn't given a serious thought to so he said what he thought she needed to hear. And somehow even as he did, he felt an odd lump in his throat.
"No. But I asked you what's wrong, Kie. You've been avoiding me."
"Rafe. I…," she ran a hand through her hair, "I..just…I am stressed about my finals. So I am not in the mood."
It was infuriating, insulting and wounding at the same time to hear her say that. He wanted to know if she was alright and she was telling him she wasn't in the mood to have sex. How difficult was it to just tell him if she was feeling well? Guess it was not worth it to share stuff with a guy who's just a booty call. And why in the world was this hurting him?
However he couldn't and shouldn't exactly blame her. It was mutually decided that this would be a sex thing and nothing more.
"Kie." Slowly he came close, as if she might shrink away from him. "I mean you don't look okay. All day I have been watching you. It looks like you're hurting." Rafe took a chance and caressed her arms.
"Rafe. I am fine. I said I am not in the mood. So don't push it." Kiara was too kindhearted for her own good and he had once told her that she should show her fury when she felt it but this was not the time to fire up.
That weird gutting feeling returned when he heard what she truly thought of him and shrugged his hands away. "I told you I won't touch you unless you want me to. You know I am not like that. Although you may have heard some stupid shit but that's just…Kie… I just wanted to ask if you were okay? I wasn't looking for a quickie."
Something about his statement might have convinced her because he witnessed the softness in her hazel eyes returned.
She came closer and unknowingly began fixing his jacket. He had always found her need to fix things that were awry, adorable.
"Rafe. I need to tell you something important but I… but I need to be stronger when I do that and I don't want to lie to you so…. I just need time."
He wanted to smile but the next thing she said pissed him off. "Also we're not exclusive so I won't mind you hanging around with Chelsea."
He found himself swallowing his resentment and ire. "Who's Chelsea?" He bit through his teeth.
"The mascara girl." Kiara walked away and then momentarily paused, turned back and smiled once before she left.
He hadn't even noticed "the mascara girl". He had been too concerned about Kie's swollen eyes and pallor. He was worried about her and she was telling him to get laid, this truly was fucked up, but at least she had looked back at him this time.
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He rode his bike until he felt his pent up vexation dissipate. Kiara's parting words had managed to expertly piss him off. But the main question was why was he enraged at her suggestion? In fact he should have done just that, had a quick fuck with that girl maybe then he wouldn't have felt so keyed up.
He thought of the last time he had been with someone else and he knew the answer to that was six months ago since the day he had seen Kie play cello.
FLASHBACK
She had been practising for the school's music festival and had been so engrossed that she hadn't even notice him enter the school's music hall.
He had always seen her as a harmless little ladybug but she had turned out to be a vibrant firefly suddenly lighting up when you least expected it.
The moment her eyes snapped open when she had stopped playing, was the moment he knew he wanted her. Her innocence and that untouchable reticence was somehow alluring. The emotion of the melody clouding her eyes in a dreamy way.
He kept staring at her looking for any weakness in the reserved armour she sported around her, wanting her to give up the silent duel between their eyes. But she didn't cower, the strength in her gaze had him admit defeat and he clapped.
"Bravo. Kie. I never pegged you for an artist." he walked closer and pulled on a string. And her evident outrage at his gesture made him feel as if he had struck hers.
"I shouldn't be surprised by a backhanded compliment from you." She began putting her cello in the case, having effectively dismissed him.
The air around them turning thick, the tension around them palpable. Something dangerous sizzled between them and Kiara felt it tug within her body. The way his cobalt blue eyes raked her should have appalled her but it did the opposite, she felt hypnotised.
His scent wafted around her as he closed the distance between them undoubtedly with the intention to unnerve her.
Just because she was introverted by nature didn't mean she was a coward so she held her ground.
The challenge in her eyes was too tempting to pass on. Something about the way her coffee brown eyes turned darker in anger was even more fascinating, so he surprised them both by taking her packed cello from her.
"What are you doing?" She lunged closer to take it back but he moved the arm with which he was holding the cello away a little and that unconscious movement had her almost flush with his body.
She felt a tingly sensation worming in the pit of her belly which paralyzed her for a few seconds. Rafe analysed the quick lusty punch to his gut and decided that he enjoyed it, and his signature smirk lighted his face.
Seeing that cocky smile had her step back.
"Helping a lady." He answered and moved his arm as if testing the weight of the instrument. "How can someone so tiny carry something like this?" It was a rhetorical question.
"Give it back. I don't need your help. You can't seduce me with these cheap theatrics."
Her answer shouldn't have delighted him but she really was a firefly, reserved and shy one minute and foaming at the mouth the next.
"You think I am trying to seduce you?" He took one step forward and she took one back until her back was against the wall. He slightly tilted his head, putting one hand against the wall and whispered, "Do you want me to?"
Yes.
"No." She mumbled.
Why did she all of a sudden feel so hot everywhere? His proximity was doing weird things to her. She wasn't a virgin and had had sex before but this magnetism was different, potent and unique.
He smiled at the obvious lie. Leisurely he moved back, "If you do, just holler at me." And with that he carefully placed the cello, which he was still holding in the other hand, on the stand nearby and sauntered away.
After that chance encounter he had unconsciously begun seeking her out. He began going to the cafeteria during lunch hours just so he could see her, he would go to the music rehearsals just so he could watch her play and every time their gazes clashed that familiar awareness between them returned. It was like a nasty itch that begged to be scratched. He wanted her so much that it was making him insane.
And then one fine and fortunate day they found themselves alone in the chemistry lab. He had been threatened by his father and she, perhaps like usual, came early.
When she saw him leaning against the teacher's desk she inquired, "What are you doing here?" This intense physical attraction between them wasn't fading in fact it felt like it was engulfing the whole room.
"Waiting for Mr Chemistry. I don't know what his name is." he shrugged.
"Mr Shoupe." She supplied. She shouldn't find his indifference sexy.
"You?" He asked, still leaning, apparently not affected by her presence at all.
"I came early, I have to work on an assignment." she gripped her backpack tighter, he made her edgy, the need to just touch him was so foreign and yet too consuming.
She should move away now, Kiara thought as she stood just a few feet apart. Rafe kept looking at her, both of them very much attuned to the sexual tension that surrounded them.
He didn't know who made a move first but he was damn grateful for it.
Had she thought he wasn't affected?
He grasped her face gently and kissed her, as she gingerly responded at first just barely touching and then she inched closer and her hands circled around his neck. Momentarily he retreated just enough to mumble, "Is this you hollering at me, Firefly?"
"Yes." She answered and hurriedly pulled him closer.
The feel of her soft body against his was a pleasure he hadn't known he craved. Damn Kiara Carrera was a sexy little vixen in sheep's clothing. He wasn't aware that she could kiss like this.
It was insanity, it was like playing with fire, Rafe Cameron represented everything that she despised. He was a mean arrogant jerk but that mouth on him was something else.
She had never thrown caution to the wind before. Vaguely aware that someone might walk in on them anytime soon she mumbled, "Wait….Wait."
The way that he instantly stopped had her see him in a new less abhorred light.
"What?" He grasped the desk, so he wouldn't snatch her back in his arms. That said something about his self control as she herself felt tempted beyond reason.
"We can't." Kiara instantly bent to pick her backpack which might have fallen off when they were groping each other.
Fury flared in his eyes, "We can. But you just won't."
"I mean. Not here. Someone might see us, Rafe."
"Okay." He ran a hand through his murky blonde hair, which disobeyed and fell on his forehead again. Her hands itched to brush them off but she restrained herself.
"Then name a place and a time, Firefly."
"We'll have to decide upon the logistics of this."
"It's like you're planning a mission on Mars, Kie." He chuckled and she was astounded that it was such an infectious sound.
Smothering her own laugh she added, "I mean people can't know."
She looked utterly enchanting standing there a little disheveled from his kisses planning "the logistics" of there next meet.
"Of course I wouldn't want it any other way."
"We never knew each other. You're just the rich jerk who plays soccer."
"Yeah and you're just the timid little golden girl who plays cello." She would've walked away then but he suddenly pulled her in his arms and with a long satisfying kiss muttered, "Consider it a deal. No feelings, no obligations, just sex."
She was breathless when he let her go so she merely nodded.
TTTTTTTTTT
PRESENT DAY
"No feelings, no obligations, just sex." His own words echoed in his ears and he bristled. Just because he had said that a long time ago didn't mean it was still true for him.
An unfamiliar ache encompassed him as he rode to the hills again. Ever since Kiara had begun acting strange he was in a turmoil. He couldn't focus on soccer and had been kicked out of the match again this week by the coach.
Rafe took a swig of the whiskey he had stolen from his father's cabinet and then threw it away thinking she would totally have his hide if he got drunk and drove.
He shook his head at his own thoughts. How and when she had started to matter he wasn't sure of that but she did matter a lot.
The realisation that he felt something more than physical attraction for her didn't panic him, instead he was more anxious about the way she was acting. Kiara was keeping him at arm's length, always finding excuses to avoid him.
In school she acted no different, pretending not to know him. It gutted him that she could dismiss him so easily, never once glancing at him even during today's match. And it had peeved him so much that he had picked up a fight with one of the team mates.
Feelings and shit wasn't his style. He didn't do this deep kind of thing so the distress he had felt had translated very well into punching Barry's face.
His thoughts circled back to her. He didn't know what he would do if she ended this arrangement but one thing he was sure of that he won't let her go just like that.
It wasn't just about sex although he'd never been so wildly attracted before but gradually it had become more, at least for him, so he would definitely fight for her before he set her free he contemplated ignoring the agonising fist that squeezed his heart.
TTTTTTTT
Kiara was getting ready for bed. She stared at her reflection and saw the hollowed out look that haunted her face. Not only was this pregnancy making her sick but also the stress of someone finding out about it before she told her parents and Rafe.
Rafe, he was such a fascinating contrast. Always rude and rough with others and so gentle with her.
She thought about how he had punched Barry, to be fair Barry deserved it for messing Rafe's game but Rafe's tendency for violence sometimes scared her.
Although she was sure he would never hurt her, she wished he would just face his feelings rather than just act out like this.
She slowly rubbed the moisturiser on her face and promised herself that tomorrow was the day when she would finally reveal her secret to her parents and Rafe so she could stop feeling so guilty and stressed all the time. Because all this stress probably wasn't good for the baby.
A clinking sound on her window jostled her out of her thoughts. Kiara took a peek through the curtain thinking it might be one of her friends but was befuddled to see Rafe standing outside on her balcony. He must've climbed up to her room.
She instantaneously opened the window and let him in. "Are you insane? What if someone saw you? Or worse, you could have broken your neck climbing up the exhaust pipe."
Her concern for him spread a soothing warmth around his heart.
In her white pj shorts with watermelons printed on it she looked so endearing. On an impulse Rafe had come to her house but now was stumped. His vexatious feelings for her had propelled him to take such an impetuous step. He was violating their agreement just by coming to her house.
For a few seconds Rafe nervously paced through her room. In his white shirt and khaki shorts he was looking so dashing, Kiara observed with an inward sigh. Too bad her fantasies regarding him would never come true.
"I know this is against our thing…." He hesitated for a minute then shook his head and continued, "You know…but hear me out. What if we changed it, Kie."
Her heart sank thinking he was probably ending it. She shouldn't be hurt. This was bound to happen someday she cajoled herself and unknowingly crossed her arms over her abdomen.
"Kie … I know I am the last person you might consider this for but….. look I am bad at this shit, okay." He wiped his mouth with his hand in a nervous habit.
"Rafe, what are you saying?" she stared at him as he took her hand and sat her down on her bed.
"We were never supposed to know each other, right? But I know that you pretend to laugh at unfunny things other people think are hilarious just so it wouldn't hurt them and I know that you like those boring book readings and art films. I mean I've suffered through them before and I can do it in the future too because it's you. It's you, Kie. It's just that I know that you probably hate me right now for wanting to change this but I….. it's not just sex anymore for me. It's become more and I get this twisty feeling…" he took her palm and placed it on his heart, "here when I think you're distancing yourself from me because you may have gotten bored of me…." Then he stood up and scratched the back of his head and Kiara could only stare at him extremely befuddled.
Were her fantasies coming true?
He felt more just like her.
He felt more and that was making him act like such a loveable moron.
"So yeah. Let's talk about stuff. Do things together."
"Is this your weird way of asking me on a date?"
"If you want me to. No pressure, no coercion." He sliced his hand through the air for emphasis.
Kiara smiled at his obvious nervousness.
"Rafe…I.."
"Oh and I got you this." He took out one long stemmed pink rose. It was so beautiful. Kiara's heart was a puddle at that moment.
"I was gonna get more but I felt it might be too corny."
"Rafe." Kiara felt tears cloud her vision. She knew she wanted the more that he felt and was offering but she couldn't accept it when she was still hiding her pregnancy.
She took the rose from him but didn't fling herself in his arms like she wanted to instead held her tears at bay before uttering the words she knew would really change everything.
Two words that might destroy what fate was offering her this instant, something she had secretly coveted for but hadn't dared to say out loud, Rafe.
She knew he would break her heart.
"I'm pregnant, Rafe." her voice barely a whisper.
"What?" He took two steps back as if someone had pushed him.
"It's your's."
"Kie this is not … this…it's not funny."
"I'm not messing with you…"
In shock he ran a defeated hand over his face and then let his hands fall, "It's impossible… no… no…this can't be happening…. We used protection…we were…."
"It's not always foolproof. But you don't have to worry. I'll figure something out but please don't tell anyone yet. My parents don't know… annnd I….."
She stood up consoling him out of habit, being kind-hearted it was second nature for her to put others first but her voice faltered with emotion at the end, she was right, he was breaking her heart.
Turning slightly away she wiped her tears, she felt so lonely, it was so stupid that she had expected something different from him.
Maybe because all week he had been so attentive with his small gestures of compassion. Showing up at the grocery store where she worked helping her restock the supplies, bringing her books from the library, buying her a ticket to the new biography crime movie she had been meaning to watch and now this freaking rose.
Those damned tears in those big brown eyes landed a punch to his heart but being a father? It was just too fucked up for someone like him who was so fucking screwed up in the first place.
Fear and panic licked his throat hence like the colossal jerk that he was he muttered, still taken aback by this news.
"I can't Kie… I just…. I have to go.."
Through a haze of tears she nodded and looking up she twisted around as if titling her face up would somehow will the tears back.
She waited for him to leave.
She had turned her back but he knew he was the one who had done that first figuratively. He lifted a hand desperately wanting to hold her, touch her, take her in his arms and reassure her but he wasn't strong enough. Thus he curled his fingers into his palm and left the way he had come in.
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