Liberation
by
Owlcroft

"You should see some of the words the writer uses to describe her – petite, winsome, fragile. I'm petite! Am I fragile? I should hope not! The nerve of the people who write things like that." She waved the book in her hand dismissively.

"So . . . what book is that anyway?" Beetlejuice, lounging on his wooden couch, was diffident and reserved in the face of such hostility.

Lydia continued to storm up and down the room. "I can't read any more of this!" she snapped, flinging the book to one side. "All that 'poor little girl' being taken care of by the 'big strong man' – all protective and . . . and condescending. It's so sexist!"

"What are you reading?" He snapped his fingers and the book appeared in his hand.

"Some ridiculous novel about how the 'poor girl' is so frightened and then the 'hero' puts his arm around her and then she's all comforted and grateful. It's just . . . awful! And she weeps, onto her 'filmy wisp' of a handkerchief. What good would a 'filmy wisp' do you when you need to blow your nose!" she demanded fiercely. She snatched the book from him and found her place in it. "Listen to this. 'The slim young girl courageously assumed a look of great casualness. "Oh, I'm not alarmed", she said gaily. Then her mien faltered just a bit and she laid a fragile hand on Walter's arm. "But I am glad you're here with me," she whispered, her lips trembling.'" Lydia threw the book aside again, this time with greater force. "What . . . hogwash! What . . . hooey!"

"Babes, that's not hooey. Believe me, I'm an expert in hooey." He grinned at her expectantly. "That's more like malarkey."

Lydia did not laugh as he'd hoped. "Oh, there's more. 'I'll see to them! Dash it all, they've got my girl!' he says when she's been stupid enough to get kidnapped. Grrr."

Beetlejuice tried extremely hard not to laugh but a snicker escaped and he covered his mouth with his hand.

"I know this was written in 1930," Lydia gave the book a glare, "but even then there was no excuse for male chauvinist pigs."

He considered that for a long moment while she continued to stride back and forth. "Um . . . I, well, maybe I shouldn't say anything, but –" he shrugged, frowning, "I'm male. And I can be a real pig sometimes, too. But," he looked at her with a combination of anxiety and sheepishness, "I haven't been a chauvinist to you, have I?"

She stopped pacing and thought for a moment. "I don't . . ." she said slowly.

Suddenly, Beetlejuice dropped his eyes and hunched in on himself. "But I . . . I –" He stopped talking and turned away from her.

"Beej?" She came to him, but he turned even further away as she put a hand on his shoulder.

"I have. Didn't mean to," he mumbled. "Didn't even realize . . ."

Lydia pushed aside the current issue of TV Snide and sat on the coffee table just in front of him. "You didn't mean to what? Beej, what are you thinking about?"

He sat in a miserable silence for a few moments, then muttered, "Did the same thing. To you, I mean. Didn't mean to, but I did."

She started to deny it, but then made an effort to remember. "Okay, maybe a couple of times you were a little –"

"I treated you just like that jerk in the book, babes. Remember Thing Thong? I kept trying to rescue you but you didn't need any rescuing at all. You got out of it just fine all by yourself while I didn't manage to do anything." He shuddered. "Except get flattened by that rock."

"Okay, but trying to help me when I was . . . ape-napped was one thing. Being patronizing and chauvinist is something else." She leaned toward him a little, tilting her face to see his expression better.

He squeezed his eyes shut and put his hand over his face. "UltraBeetleMan," he said ashamedly. "Remember? I kept pushing you into the background and I even patted you on the head and said something like 'now, now'. And you ended up saving that day, too. I'm sor . . . sorry, Lyds."

Lydia opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and thought. "Okay. That's true. I do remember that, but I wouldn't have if you hadn't mentioned it."

"I was so busy showing off and trying to get some attention – I was a real super-zero, though. So stupid, just trying to impress you but I didn't mean it that way, babes. I was just . . ." He groaned. "I wanted you to think I was somebody important but all I did was patronize you."

She shook her head remorsefully although he couldn't see it. "I really hadn't remembered it. Honest, Beej, I don't think of you patronizing me. Maybe sometimes you did, or do, without meaning to, but you're nothing like that guy in the book."

"Yeah, I am. Was. Whatever." He thumped himself in the head with his hand a few times. "Idiot. Stupid, stupid idiot."

"Don't do that." She reached out and pulled his hand from his face, but retained it in her own. "I know I was annoying sometimes, too. I probably was condescending to you at times; I know I gave you orders and insisted on doing things my way lots of times. And isn't that just as bad?"

Beetlejuice shook his head and sighed mournfully. "Nuh-uh. You always knew how to get us out of trouble. You should've been in charge all along. You saved us in that video game when I didn't have a clue."

"But you came to my rescue at the Last Resort Resort. That was maybe the bravest thing you've ever done and you did it for me." She used her other hand to rub his gently. "And I wasn't always right – I was so wrong when my grandmother came to visit. You were the one that was right all along about her and the others. You certainly saved that day."

"I know you're trying to make it sound better, Lyds, but I did treat you like that sometimes – too many times. Trying to protect you –" He broke off and wrinkled his face in self-disgust.

"You did protect me. You do protect me! And you don't do it in a condescending way." She squeezed his hand gently between hers. "And be honest, now. Sometimes I need protecting, especially here in the Neitherworld. And maybe sometimes so do you and I would be glad to be able to do that. Beej, please believe me. I wasn't trying to accuse you or hint anything to you, honest. You are nothing like the so-called hero in that horrible book. Nothing at all!"

He finally opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. "You don't think I was . . . being arrogant; you know, treating you like a kid?"

Lydia chuckled. "Only when I was a kid. And you weren't being arrogant or patronizing; you pretty much always treated me as an equal. That's one of things I love about you," then she chuckled again as he tried to look as though he weren't uncomfortable. "Seriously, Beej, I always thought of us as partners – getting into trouble together and getting out of it together. Having adventures together, having fun together, just being together."

Beetlejuice nodded then. "Partners is how I think of us, too. Equal partners in everything. And weren't we always better together? Remember the Shtinx? Neither one of us had the right answer, but the two combined got us out of there."

"That was just ridiculous – 'an embarrassed newspaper'." She laughed and moved to sit beside him, still holding his hand.

"So, you don't think I was patronizing you or being a chauvinist?" he asked uncertainly.

"Nope. Just a male and a pig. Sometimes." She grinned at him. "And I happen to like pigs."

That got a smile and a snort from him. "Me, too."

"And we'll always be partners, equal partners." She raised her brows in question. "So, as partners, we ought to decide – together – on a prank today, right?"

"Okay," he nodded enthusiastically. "You go first with who and then I'll do what. Partner," he added with a soft grin and a fond look.

"Well, there's a big meeting in Mayor Maynot's office today. He's hosting a group of influential civic leaders." She gave him a wink. "Now it's your turn, partner."

His grin expanded in delight. "It's obvious, isn't it, partner? Whoopee cushion!"

And they were off again, partners, as always. Partners in everything, partners 'til the end of time.