Beautiful Boy
AUGUST 2ND, 2006
0645 LOCAL
SHARP MEMORIAL HOSPITAL
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA
It had been exactly one month since Adam Harmon Mackenzie-Rabb had made his grand entrance into the world, approximately ten weeks before he was set to that September. In the wee hours of July 2nd Harm was awoken to Mac's very unexpected contractions. Everything that happened in the hours following seemed to be a blur. However, the days and weeks that had followed seemed to drag by in a way that made Harm worried they would never end.
The past month had probably been the longest of his life, taking the first place prize away from the month he spent in the hospital recovering from the ramp strike accident. He found himself almost wishing for that, or at least wishing that he could somehow offer himself up to trade spots with his son - his very tiny son who was currently hooked up to a lot of wires and machines that Harm kind of understood but not really. He was getting better every day, something the doctors said and Harm and Mac saw, studying him incessantly like any parent would do with their new baby.
Adam still had a couple of more weeks left, according to the doctor Harm and Mac had talked to that morning…which was technically yesterday morning - Harm wasn't getting the best sleep. All he knew was that two weeks was equivalent to another eternity in NICU terms.
Most days Harm and Mac were both there together, but most nights they took turns, one of them going back home to see Clara and actually try and get some real rest. Their "home" for the past month had been Trish and Frank's house, their own home being largely unattended to since the night Harm and Mac rushed off to the hospital. Trish and Frank were doing a better job at taking care of Clara than Harm and Mac could've given the circumstances, and they were also doing a damn good job at making sure Harm and Mac stayed sane, too.
That night (last night), it had taken some additional coaxing to get Mac to go home. They had gone back and forth for about thirty minutes before Harm pointed out that it had been almost two days since Clara had seen either of her parents - and that night was his turn to stay anyway.
Harm wasn't sure if going through all of this was easier or harder with another kid back at home. He'd done the preparation as soon as he and Mac decided to have another child - he knew that his attention would be split two ways, one child would have different needs than the other, etc. But he never thought he would be split quite like this, too. Guilty about not leaving one kid at home and guilty about leaving the other kid in the hospital to go see the kid at the home.
"She's having the time of her life here," Trish had reassured him when she had come to visit that past weekend. "I don't think she'll want to leave."
Still though, that didn't make Harm feel that much better.
But at the same time, he couldn't imagine going through this without his first born. Even though she was more anxious than usual because her parents were more anxious than usual, she was very much the port in Harm and Mac's storm, and very excited to be a big sister.
Ironically the person Harm felt the farthest from was also the person he was the closest to: Mac. There was a time when he found her difficult to read, but now he knew her better than anyone. He could see how the guilt was eating at her, and every time he tried to reassure her that none of it was her fault he only felt her drawn more inward. The wound was still too fresh, and Harm knew better than to press Mac when she didn't want to share.
Two more weeks, Harm told himself as he watched Adam's tiny chest move up and down, Two more weeks and this will all be behind us and we can be normal again.
Harm straightened up in his chair, wincing at the sound of his back cracking in several places. The first few nights he'd dedicated himself to pacing, determined that the physical movement would somehow make the time move faster. Now he just sat, standing vigil for any minor change, any small new development that could mean something bigger.
He looked at the name tag on the side of the bed. Mackenzie - Rabb, Adam H. was written on it in slanting blue marker. Clara's name had been a collaboration of Harm and Mac, inspired by a slip up in pronunciation of Mac's first name by a nurse in the hospital. They hadn't known it at the time, but the meaning behind her name was "bright," something that both of them thought was fitting. She was indeed bright - their bright, smiley, energetic little girl.
Harm hadn't suggested the name Adam from a religious standpoint - though, he supposed that wasn't entirely true. He wasn't the most religious person, finding conflict with it from an early age mostly due to his father's death, but something about naming their son after the christianity's first man seemed like a good omen, a good luck charm that would help him get through this.
Harm knew all about people suddenly turning to higher powers in times of struggle, but he'd never found himself doing it until this moment.
"It's gonna be okay, son."
That was the mantra Harm had heard repeated to him and, in turn, he was repeating it to his own son. It was something the Admiral had said to him when he'd first called, something Frank told him nearly every time he saw him, and something Harm's own father definitely would've said to him. And Harm had no choice but to believe it to be true. Everything would be okay.
TWO WEEKS LATER
1030 LOCAL
MACKENZIE-RABB RESIDENCE
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA
It was a little delayed, but Harm finally got to do one of his favorite car rides: taking his and Mac's kid home from the hospital. The day he drove Clara home he'd been a bundle of nerves - the DC traffic, possibility of late-February ice on the roads, and paranoia that he'd suddenly forget everything he ever knew about driving the second he got behind the wheel not helping him at all. This time though, Harm was more relieved than anything else.
"We're home!" Harm announced when he opened the door to the back seat. Mac stood up, smiling at him with the first genuine smile he'd seen from her in weeks. He leaned in to give her a kiss.
"See?" he said. "I told you everything was gonna be okay."
"I know," Mac smiled. "I couldn't have done this without you, you know."
"I couldn't have done it without you, either," he replied. He nodded towards their living room window, where Clara was eagerly awaiting their entrance, her nose and hands pressed against the glass. Trish and Frank had spent the whole morning trying - and failing - to keep her preoccupied. Harm really couldn't blame her - everyone was practically buzzing with excitement.
"Alright," Mac bent down to retrieve Adam, who had spent the whole car ride sound asleep, from his carseat. "Let's go home."
Harm nodded in agreement. "Let's go home."
Challenged myself and my ADHD to see if I could write this piece in thirty minutes without getting distracted. It ended up taking a little under two hours, but that was because my muse got away from me, not because I got distracted! I had the scene of Harm in the NICU in my head for awhile, and decided this evening that I couldn't let it sit idle in my brain any longer. Hope you enjoyed!
-Harper