This just HAD to be done!

It practically wrote itself on my phone one day. Special thanks to kelleyj17, who once again helped me beta and spice up a story, even while in the middle of her Rebirth play through!

Enjoy!

"CLOOOOOUD!"

An ear-piercing scream ripped through the morning air of Junon.

"Cloud please!"

"What the…?" The ex-SOLDIER commented to himself, half-asleep.

"Please Cloud! My body yearns for you with scorching passion!"

"Huh!?" He snapped up and dashed towards the window of the inn. Below, dimly lit by the little sunlight that filtered into Junon, was a man standing next to an enormous red bike.

"Ugh. Not this guy again," he lamented. How did he find him? The desperate pleas went on:

"Cloud! Just give me another chance! I know it's big, but I will manage!"

Cloud turned around to see the Buster Sword resting against the wall. With a movement so ingrained that he barely realized he was doing it, he flipped it over his shoulder and stuck it to the magnet at his back before heading out the door.

Better to shut this guy up before he woke up the entire town.

Roche's voice was loud and clear even inside the hallways of the inn.

"Since that passionate night in the warehouse I've only yearned, nay, lusted for our next encounter!"

What an odd choice of words. One of the doors in the hallway snapped open, and Barret almost ran head first into Cloud.

"Cloud! What is that nutcase blabberin' about?" He asked, a mix of annoyance and shock on his face.

"Sorry, he just can't get enough. Go back to sleep, I'll handle him."

Barret's jaw dropped open. Nevertheless, he followed Cloud down the hall.

"Oh. Um. Wow Cloud. I didn't think that…"

"We're SOLDIERs. Those encounters are common," Cloud said, dead serious as always.

Barret cleared his throat with difficulty.

"I-I'm just surprised you know. You don't look like one -" Barret started, and then hastened to add, "Not that it's bad! It's just-"

"It's only logical. That's how we see how we measure up. Even Sephiroth got into it once in a while."

Barret then recalled Cloud's account of the Nibelheim incident: "You mean the 'panting like a puppy' part was-?!"

"Yup. He was demanding."

Barret choked a bit.

"Cloud? What is going on?" Tifa asked. She was standing in the middle of the hallway with Aerith, who in turn, had her hands reassuringly over Tifa's shoulders.

"Nothing to worry about."

"But that man is saying-"

Cloud sighed in irritation. "It was only once, Tifa. Back in Midgar, when I went with the crew to Jessie's parents' house."

"Back in Midgar? When did that even happen?" Her confusion and very visible concern were, in Cloud's opinion, disproportionate to the mundane event unfolding.

"We promised not to talk about it, OK? It was messy. Remember Wedge limping? He was so sore he couldn't even join the reactor mission."

"Sweet Gaia…" Barret said, putting his sunglasses on with shaky fingers.

"Oh God!" Tifa exclaimed, covering half her face with combat-gloved-hands.

"It's OK Tifa, he's still Cloud," Aerith said, rubbing her shoulders reassuringly.

"Cloud! I know you're in there! Come with me, before our flame is forever extinguished!" Roche yelled from outside. He paused before adding tauntingly, "I've been practicing. Tight spots are no longer an issue!" Cloud resumed his walk downstairs, with a pale Barret and distraught Tifa tagging along.

"I should've known! That night at Don Corneo's-!" Tifa lamented.

Aerith looked to the side and bit her finger, thinking about Andrea's spectacle at the Honeybee Inn. With those moves, it should've been obvious.

"Look, it's no big deal," Cloud said, with his usual, maddening calm. "I'll just send him on his way."

Red joined their entourage:

"Cloud, is what that man saying true?"

Cloud scowled, annoyed that everyone was making such a big deal out of this. "Yes."

"Cloud! I know I Staggered when I first felt your Pressure-!" More yelling from outside.

"Ah, so you have homosexual inclinations?" Red asked, ever so wise.

Cloud stopped dead in his tracks.

"I'll be ready for your focused thrusts this time! I´ve got a hunger that cannot be denied!" Roche added helpfully from outside.

Then it clicked. Cloud gasped, horror and embarrassment melting his cool-guy persona.

"N-no! It's not like that!"

"But he's saying that-" Tifa interjected.

"No! He's just angry I totally dominated him!"

The party gasped.

"T-that he couldn't handle me!"

"Oh my," Red said in an unusual, high-pitched voice.

Cloud began walking at a faster pace, cursing Roche for his stupidity.

"Cloud! Last time we rode… When you landed on me… There were sparks! I know you felt them!"

Cloud began sprinting.

"My desire to see you has driven me on!"

Cloud began a mad dash downstairs. Just then, an inn maid exited a room with a service cart filled with towels. She parked it across the narrow hallway while closing the door.

"Oh, sorry young man, let me just…" she moved it to the side at the same time Cloud tried to walk around it, effectively moving the cart in front of him.

"I've been honing my skills so that I can be more penetrating!"

Cloud and the maid began a frantic side-stepping game, trying to let him pass.

He finally resorted to hand-springing above the cart and dashing to the lobby. Cloud exited the inn and faced Roche:

"Dude! Shut the hell up!"

"Ah! We finally meet again, my old flame!" Roche said grandiosely.

"Flame?"

"Now, now, don't be modest! Our encounters have been more passionate than Nibel wolves on the rut!"

People around Junon were already gathering around and listening to the exchange. Some old ladies were murmuring and pointing.

"It was only once! Get over it! ... And get away from me!"

"Oh, I know. This is so wrong! I'm going against standing orders for you! But you can't deny there's a primal tension between us!" Roche exclaimed.

Con unas ansias locas

Quiero verte hoy

Cloud turned to see that Priscilla and a group of friends had put a song on full blast on a radio. They gave Cloud approving nods and thumbs up, inviting them to continue whatever this was.

"Cloud, I know I don't measure up, but I can change! Professor Hojo said he can change my body!"

The old ladies clutched their pearls.

"What?!" Cloud sputtered. "No, look, this is absurd! You have to leave!"

"No, Cloud! I won't go until you promise we'll go down hard again!"

"Cloud!" Aerith yelled from the inn porch, "it's OK! You don't have to hide it anymore!"

Espero ese momento

En que escuche tu voz

"Hide what?" Chadley said from a nearby bench.

"Wait, did that kid spend the night there?" Barret asked.

Red had already approached the cyborg and whispered something in his ear.

Y cuando al fin

Estemos juntos los dos

"Fascinating!" Chadley exclaimed with utmost surprise. "You mean that can be done between two men!?"

"Of course it can, boy!" Roche exclaimed. "That's the best way of experiencing it! Two fine-tuned men's bodies glistening with sweat! Body and mind acting in unison!

"Stop! All of you!" Cloud pleaded.

"A cacophony of slaps, clashes and thrusts! The epitome of the human experience!" Roche pontificated.

¿Qué importa que dirán

Tu padre y tu mamá?

Aquí solo importa nuestro amor

Te quiero

"Wait!" Yuffie, out of who knows where, yelled from among the scandalized Junon inhabitants. "You mean you two are fucking!?"

"Wait, what?!" Roche asked incredulously.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of," Aerith assured them from the doorway of the inn. "I think we can all learn to be a little more open minded-"

"Gaia, no!" Roche exclaimed, hands clasped dramatically over his heart. " I'm no queer!"

Amor prohibido murmuran por las calles

Porq-

At that moment, Priscilla thankfully stopped the music. The tweens suddenly found something interesting to look at elsewhere.

"Then what was all that about? The thrusting and-and sweating?" Barret stuttered, half embarrassed himself.

"Sparring! With our swords!" Roche said, taking note of all the people that were looking. "Oh, Cloud, I'm sorry-I had no idea…"

"Look, just-" Cloud began.

"If you thought there was something else between us, I'm sorry," Roche continued.

"Huh?!"

The SOLDIER had carefully stepped backwards towards his bike.

"Look, I don't want this to be weird. We tussle nice, hard and long but-" he stopped for a second, realizing what he had just said. "Oh, curses!"

He jumped on his bike and roared the engine into life.

"Look um, Cloud, I think we should have other partners – sparring partners! It's not you, it's me! Um-yeah. See ya later!" That said, Roche revved the engine and rode away, no sign of his dramatic laughter.

Cloud saw everyone nearby whispering quietly to others.

"W-what just happened?" Cloud asked.

"I think you just got dumped," Aerith said.

"Wha-no! We were not a thing!"

"Phew! Told you so Tifa!" Barret exclaimed, removing his sunglasses and exhaling into the glass to clean them a bit.

"Well, we should be used to encountering such colorful people by now," Tifa said, still a bit shaken, while pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"The downsides of being overly dramatic with language, I suppose," Red said, sitting next to them.

"It was never like that!" Cloud exclaimed.

"So, that time with the wig and the dress at the Honeybee Inn was…?" Aerith asked innocently.

Barret dropped his glasses: "THE WHAT NOW!?"

Roche has become one of my favorite characters from the Remakes.
Also, the song is called "Amor Prohibido" by Selena.
Thanks for reading!