Title comes from "Butterflies In Love With Flowers" by Liu Yong.

"Ah, Your Highness! What brings you to Ming Guang Palace?"

Xie Lian jumped and turned too quickly not to be suspicious. "Ah, General. I- Are you busy? I hoped to discuss something with you, if you have the time."

"I'm not busy," Pei Ming assured him. "I am surprised to see you here, though. I thought you'd be with Crimson Rain. From what I've heard, you two have been attached at the hip since he came back!"

To Pei Ming's surprise, Xie Lian's face turned red. Strange; he hadn't thought Xie Lian was embarrassed about his relationship with Hua Cheng. He certainly was blatant enough about it that he didn't seem to be.

"Would you like to come to the Palace of Xianle for tea?" Xie Lian asked Pei Ming. "There should be enough of it built by now for tea, I think."

"Ah, we can just stay here and have tea," Pei Ming replied. "Come inside. Or we could go down to your Puqi Shrine-"

"No!" Xie Lian said quickly. "No, tea here sounds lovely, if you don't mind."

"Of course not," Pei Ming said, peering at Xie Lian. "Your Highness, are you alright?"

"I-" Xie Lian looked to both sides, then told Pei Ming in a whisper, "I wanted to ask your advice."

It took Pei Ming a moment to put it together, but then he realized what sort of advice Xie Lian would solicit from him in particular. "Ho, ho," he said, feeling a smirk rise to his lips. "Well, of course, Your Highness. Whatever you need."

Xie Lian looked mortified. It seemed Pei Ming had finally discovered the one thing that could break through even his thick face. "Would you mind if we went inside?"

"Of course. Ming Guang Palace is open to you." Pei Ming opened the doors with a gesture, and Xie Lian scurried inside. Pei Ming followed him and pulled the doors closed behind him. He wasn't expecting visitors anyway, but Little Pei did come around sometimes, and sometimes Ling Wen sent messengers to tell him to visit her and bring alcohol. He didn't think Xie Lian would appreciate any interruptions.

"Alright," Pei Ming declared, "what do you want to know? I must admit, I have more experience with women than men, but I'm certainly not inexperienced in the latter area. And Crimson Rain has been known to transform into a female form sometimes, hasn't he? If you want to try with him like that, I can give you lots of tips."

"No," Xie Lian said hurriedly, "no, that's not- Well, that's sort of- But-"

Pei Ming watched Xie Lian fluster himself into a blushing mess. "I'll call for tea, then," he declared.

Xie Lian seemed to pull himself together while they waited for the tea, and he managed to put on a completely normal-looking front when one of Pei Ming's subordinates brought it out. Once they were alone again, the front fell almost immediately, and he looked up at Pei Ming with wide eyes.

"General Pei. I'm here because you have a great deal of experience in something I have never experienced before, and I think you- I want to know-"

"Your Highness," Pei Ming said, wondering if perhaps they should drop the formality for the conversation he was anticipating, "do you want tips on sex with Crimson Rain?"

Xie Lian made an inarticulate noise of distress and buried his face in his hands. Pei Ming poured them both tea and waited.

"General Pei," Xie Lian said after a moment, his words slightly muffled by his hands, "do you know what cultivation method I use?"

"The same as General Xuan Zhen, isn't it? One of those stuffy, limiting ones."

"My cultivation method forbids alcohol, excessiveness in any form, and… sexual relations."

Pei Ming gaped. He knew that Xie Lian and Mu Qing's cultivation method was a strait-laced one, but to require total abstinence? He couldn't imagine it. And this was the cultivation method that Xie Lian had been using for eight hundred years? Of course, he didn't have spiritual power for most of that time, so he probably didn't have to closely follow its tenants, but he'd certainly had spiritual power since defeating Jun Wu. Hua Cheng had been gone for most of that time, so it made sense that someone as devoted as Xie Lian would stay true to him, but Hua Cheng had been back for weeks now. And yet…

"Your Highness, are you telling me that you and Crimson Rain haven't done anything?"

"I've never wanted to before!" Xie Lian cried. "My cultivation method was never a problem for eight hundred years! If I ever felt… anything, I just recited the Dao De Jing and it was fine! But… San Lang…"

Pei Ming didn't fully understand what Xie Lian was saying, but he understood enough. "You've never done anything before, but you want to do something with Crimson Rain."

"I… think so? I've never felt anything like this before. Do I even know San Lang well enough to feel like this? How long does it usually take for you to feel that you want to have sex with someone?"

Pei Ming scratched his head. "It's normally very quick, but sometimes, it's longer. There have been times where it's even taken ten whole minutes!"

Xie Lian lifted his head from his hands to gape at him.

"Although I have been told I'm an exception in those matters," Pei Ming added. "Either way, though, you spent a great deal of time with Crimson Rain since your third ascension. You definitely know him well enough to know you want to have sex with him."

Xie Lian's face went right back into his hands, but not so quickly that Pei Ming couldn't see how red he'd gotten. "I've never felt this before," he moaned. "And I don't just want to… do things with him, I also love him! Does that make it different?"

"Ah, well, I wouldn't be the person to ask," Pei Ming admitted. "You know about my past with women, Your Highness. I've never been much for… romantic feelings."

"How quickly do those pop up?" Xie Lian asked, peeking up at Pei Ming. "How long did it take for you and the Rain Master?"

"Me and-" Pei Ming was very glad he wasn't drinking his tea, because he would have spat it all back out on the closest thing they had to a Heavenly Emperor, even if Xie Lian refused to officially accept the position. "What are you- Why would you ask- I'm not in love with the Rain Master!"

Xie Lian blinked. "You're not? My apologies, I simply assumed…"

"Absolutely not," Pei Ming declared. "I- I respect the Rain Master greatly, and I'm grateful for all that she did while we fought Jun Wu, but I'm certainly not in love with her. I've never been in love with anyone. Didn't you listen to Xuan Ji when she talked about how cold my heart is?"

"I didn't think Xuan Ji was the most reliable source," Xie Lian admitted. "But never mind, then! We don't need to talk about the Rain Master if you don't want to."

"There's nothing to-" Pei Ming forced himself to stop. "Your Highness, you came here to ask for my advice. I can confirm that it's entirely normal for you to feel attraction towards your Crimson Rain, and I'm sure you've spent enough time with him to be in love with him. If you want to have sex with him, I'm sure he would be thrilled."

"You- Really?"

"Have you not seen the way he looks at you?" Pei Ming demanded. "Crimson Rain would certainly be willing to do anything you'd want."

"But I don't just want him to be willing, I want him to want it too! Do you think he wants it?"

"Oh, I think he wants it." Pei Ming had seen the way Hua Cheng looked at Xie Lian like he wanted to devour him. "So, if that's figured out, do you want tips? If you've never done anything before, I could tell you what I've found men to enjoy in my experience, and I could tell you what I enjoy. You might enjoy it too!"

Xie Lian's face was back to being bright red. "Ah, no thank you, General Pei! I think- Or, I don't think- San Lang and I can figure things out on our own."

Pei Ming personally didn't find virginal fumbling to be particularly interesting or attractive, but considering how obsessive Hua Cheng seemed to be on the point of Xie Lian, he was sure Hua Cheng would enjoy anything they did together. Pei Ming wondered if Hua Cheng had ever done anything, or if he'd spent the last eight hundred years waiting for Xie Lian. Pei Ming normally never would have even considered such a thing, but if Xie Lian had managed to go eight hundred years without sex, surely Hua Cheng could manage too?

Pei Ming was sure he couldn't, but as he'd said before, he was exceptional.

"Well," he told Xie Lian, "let me know if you change your mind. I can answer any questions you have. And tell me how things work out! I'm rooting for you!"

Xie Lian's face went impossibly redder. Pei Ming didn't think he'd get that update. "Thank you, General Pei! I- I should be going. Thank you for the tea! A-And the advice!"

Xie Lian practically fled Pei Ming's palace. Pei Ming laughed and shook his head. To be honest, he hadn't expected Xie Lian to be so flustered by the discussion of sex, but it was fun to see that his face wasn't thick enough for everything.

"General?" Pei Xiu poked his head into the room. "Did I just see His Highness leaving your palace?"

"You did," Pei Ming agreed. Pei Xiu adored Xie Lian, especially since Xie Lian agreed to revoke his banishment early in return for all he'd done in the fight against Jun Wu. To be fair, Pei Ming was grateful for that too; he preferred having Pei Xiu at his side rather than off in the mortal world on his own.

Pei Xiu blinked. "Why did he look like he was fleeing?"

"Ah, Little Pei," Pei Ming sighed, "there are some things people do that must be kept private."

For an instant, Pei Xiu looked horrified, then he relaxed. "Oh, did His Highness ask you for advice about Crimson Rain?"

Pei Ming sipped his tea. "He did."

"And… Did you give him good advice?"

"Well, I'd like to think I did." Pei Ming gave Pei Xiu a look. "Are you looking for advice too, Little Pei? Perhaps about your own little ghost? How is Banyue doing?"

Pei Xiu's face went almost as red as Xie Lian's had been. "General!"

Pei Ming laughed. "Maybe you'll understand when you're older."

"General, I'm over two hundred years old!"

Pei Ming patted Pei Xiu's head absently, heading towards the door. He wouldn't spread gossip about Xie Lian - he respected him too much to do that, and he also wasn't stupid enough to anger the most powerful god in the heavens - but he couldn't keep it entirely to himself.

Ling Win would love to hear about this.