The next morning they have breakfast then start the long drive home. They swap over half way through and are back home by early evening. Patrick gets her cases out of the car and brings them to the bedroom, he also phones Nonnatus House to let them know she was home and unharmed. Meanwhile Shelagh makes them some food, they spend the evening playing games and Patrick brings up the topic of Tim calling her mum. She agrees and Tim hugs her tight.
"Thank you Tim, I love you."
"Love you too mum." He mutters shyly.
"Now bedtime young man I think you have had more than enough excitement this week." Patrick says giving him a piggyback to his room making his laugh.
"Patrick you are meant to be helping him sleep not making him more excited." She huffs following them.
"Don't worry darling he will be fine." He takes the callipers off and tucks him in.
"Night son." Patrick says stroking his hair.
"Night parents." He replies after Shelagh kisses his forehead.
They go to their room and she sees her cases by the wardrobe.
"Can you help me unpack?" She asks.
They hang her clothes up and she smiles.
"Back where they belong." She says.
He takes her hand and squeezes it before carefully pulling her close to dance.
They gently sway as he hums a song he heard that reminds him of her.
"Patrick I want to be with you but I'm scared of what that means because I'm infertile."
"What did your tests say?"
She goes to her handbag and pulls out an envelope, handing it to him. He takes out the papers and reads them.
"Your chances of conceiving are very low but not impossible, so not infertile just very unlikely. I guess then it depends on how you feel and what you want."
"I just always heard such horrible things about sex that isn't for procreation that I am stuck now with what to think. If we have sex with my problem then are we sinning or being lustful?"
"Shelagh yes sex is for the purpose of procreating but for me it is also about love and sharing something special and intimate with your partner. I understand what you mean, we work in an area with hundreds of prostitutes and brothels etc. but between couples who are in loving relationships as long as both people consent then I don't believe that is sinful. I was serious Shelagh we don't have to do anything physical but if you want we can just do things that don't require penetration."
"Such as?"
"Such as kissing, massage, dancing, touching. It doesn't need to lead to anything it can just be about being close and loving each other."
"Massage. I have never had one, I would like to try that."
"Now?"
She nods and he kisses her cheek.
"Ok I promise this won't lead to anything more but if you strip down to just your underwear and sit on the bed, I will go and get some cream for your skin."
She shivers as she undresses laying her clothes on the chair she quickly looks away when she sees herself in the mirror. Her fingers shake as she sits facing the headboard with her legs and arms crossed.
"Shelagh are you ready?" He calls through the door.
"Yes." She answers.
"You didn't have to knock Patrick this is your room to."
He kneels down next to her.
"I know but I didn't want you to be uncomfortable if you were still undressing. Now I will cover your legs with the sheet so you don't get cold, remember to tell me if you want to stop or something feels good or bad."
"I will. Shouldn't I undress completely?"
"Only if you are comfortable with that."
She thinks for a minute. She takes off her bra and lays it on the bed beside her. She feels the bed dip as he climbs on behind her
"Ready." She says softly.
"Ok I'm going to start with your shoulders, back and arms. Just relax."
He rubs some cream on his hands and starts with her shoulders. He slowly moves down her upper arms then back over her shoulders and down her back. He gets into a routine and she feels her tension melting away, her head drops forward slightly and she feels loved. She feels tears build as she thinks about what she did, she nearly lost him.
"Take a breath darling, don't think about anything else but this. Do you want to stop?" He says seeing her tense up.
"No Patrick, I'm sorry."
She feels something being wrapped around her shoulders.
"Please don't stop Patrick."
"Put your arms in the sleeves Shelagh." She looks down at his pyjama top and does as she is told.
"Now lie on your back so I can do your legs." He says as she turns to face him.
"You won't stop." She says.
"Not unless you tell me to." He reassures her. Carefully doing up the buttons on the top avoiding touching her skin.
She lies down and closes her eyes as he moves to the end of the bed. Starting with her left foot he works carefully from her foot up her leg to just above her knee then repeats the massage on her right leg.
She feels relaxed and focuses on his touch and how he is making her feel. He smiles when she lets out some quiet sighs and sees her body relaxing.
"Shelagh do you want me to do your thighs?"
She looks down at him and bites her lips thinking.
"Yes." She whispers.
He kneels next to her and she watches him as he works on her. He looks so tall and handsome she feels tingles over her body and she moans as he massages a sensitive spot.
"Patrick stop." She calls out pushing his hand away.
He immediately moves back and waits for her to speak.
"Lie next to me." She says turning on her side.
He does as she asks and faces her.
"Thank you I feel relaxed and loved. I just started to feel tingly and I didn't want to do that tonight. I need time to work up to it."
"There's no need to explain my love. You did exactly what I asked you to do. Do you feel comfortable sleeping in bed together?"
"Please stay here Patrick I want to be close to you."
He turns to switch off the lamp when he turns back she has rolled over. She holds out her hand and pulls him behind her. He smiles and kisses her cheek as they go to sleep curled up together.