The next day they drop Tim off at school and head to the surgery together. They do the jobs they need to do before opening the surgery.
"Shelagh let me know if you need a break anytime." He says still worried about her.
"I will dear. I know it will be hard to see the babies and expectant mothers but if it gets too much I promise I will tell you." She says honestly.
He kisses her cheek before heading to his office as she goes to unlock the door.
It's a busy morning but luckily with her organisation and efficiency they manage to have a 40 minute lunch break.
They sit in his office with some sandwiches and a cup of tea each enjoying the break and each other's company.
"How are you doing Shelagh?"
"I'm ok, I did get a bit upset when I saw Mrs Smith." She admits.
He nods in understanding. Mrs Smith is a lovely woman but she is currently pregnant with her 8th child, he can see how that would upset Shelagh.
"Come here darling."
She goes around his desk and stands next to him, he takes her hand and guides her to sit on his lap.
"Patrick we are in public!" She half shouts.
"Shelagh we are in my office with the door closed, no one else is here and I want to comfort you."
Still blushing she wraps an arm around his shoulders and holds the hand he offers her.
"We will get through this together, there are other options we can look at. Before we do though I think we need to have an honest talk about what we want and I have something I feel I should tell you but don't know how." He tells her.
"Patrick I love you with all my heart and I agree we need to talk even if it is about things that we would rather forget."
He kisses her forehead and she hugs him close.
"This is actually really comfy." She giggles.
"I am happy to be your seat anytime anywhere."
"Maybe not anywhere Patrick. I don't believe the Sisters would appreciate seeing it."
"Oh I don't know it might be fun to wind up Sister Evangelina." He laughs.
"Patrick Turner you are diabolical." She huffs.
"Oh but I don't believe you mind that do you Mrs Turner?" He roughly whispers in her ear causing her breath to hitch. She locks eyes with him when a knock comes on the door.
"Just a moment." He calls out as she jumps off his lap. He watches as she straightens her clothes nervously. He takes her hands and kisses them sweetly.
"Calm yourself love." He waits for her to take a few deep breaths before going to open the door.
"Good afternoon Doctor Turner."
"Good afternoon Sister, please come in."
"Shelagh my dear it is so good to see you." Sister Julienne says.
"Sister Julienne I'm glad to see you." She says hugging her friend and mother figure.
"Now Sister what can I do for you?" Patrick asks.
"I had some patients to discuss if you have the time."
"Of course Sister."
Shelagh leaves them to their meeting and goes back to work sorting the patient records and answering the phone.
They quickly settle back into a routine of work and school. A few days after she returned they went for dinner at Nonnatus and she was moved to tears at the love and kindness of her friends and Sisters. Patrick had held her close in bed that night as she cried for what she had nearly lost, it was also the night they started revealing the secrets of their past.
"Patrick I need to tell you something that I have never shared with anyone." She whispered.
"You can tell me anything."
"I have sinned." She says.
"Shelagh this isn't a confession box, you don't need to be forgiven or judged just tell me as little or as much as you want to. I am your husband and I love you."
She nods and starts again.
"When I was 14 I helped a school friend give birth, we weren't that close but we had the same classes so we agreed to study together once a week. She had somehow managed to hide it from everyone, I was studying with her one afternoon in the park, where you found me, when she screamed. I asked what was wrong she pulled her blouse up and ripped off a girdle exposing her belly. I had already started reading nursing books so I knew instantly that she was full term and the scream was obviously a contraction. I was going to run for help but she pulled me back and said I wanted to be a midwife so I could do it. She put her jumper sleeve between her lips to silence her screams and I had no option but to help. It took a few hours before it was born, it was barely breathing and I was trying to remember what to do when…" She stops and sobs.
He strokes her arms while she composes herself.
"Before I could do anything to help the baby she had a rock in her hand and she brought it down on the baby's head over and over again. I tried to stop her but she punched me in the stomach winding me. She screamed as the placenta was delivered, then she got dressed, threatened that if I told anyone she would hurt me and walked away. I crawled over to the baby but there was nothing I could do. Once my breathing was normal again I dug a hole near the back corner and buried it. I went home and changed my clothes so my dad wouldn't know. He knew I liked to study there but not why, even when he was dying I didn't tell him what happened. I guess I studied there because I wanted to be a midwife and every child I helped into the world would be in honour of the first one I ever delivered." She finishes with tears in her eyes.
He pulls her into his arms and hugs her tight, rubbing her back as she cries.
"Shelagh my beautiful wife you didn't do anything wrong. You were so young yet you managed to safely deliver a baby with no proper training and even when you were injured you took care of it. That girl was a monster, she was the one that sinned not you. What happened to her?"
"The family moved shortly after, I have no idea where to." She answers pulling away from him and wiping her face.
"I never knew why she did that. I can only guess it was so she wasn't a teenage mother but even in our area which was deeply religious there was a name being whispered, if you could pay the right price, of someone who could take care of it."
"I don't know all I do know is that, one I'm glad she didn't injure you more than she did, two that you are even stronger and braver than I thought and three that this has only made me love you more." He tells her honestly.
He helps her lie down and pulls the covers over them.
"Thank you for listening Patrick, I love you. You know you can tell me anything if you need to." She says resting her head on his chest.
"I will tomorrow when Tim is away at his granny's. It's not a nice story and I might get nightmares." He confesses wanting to tell her but also wanting to run and hide so it stays locked away forever.
"I will be here to help you if that happens." She whispers kissing over his heart.