Chapter 23

I stared at the double doors. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I could sense the room full of people on the other side. Rin came running around the corner, a basket of flowers in hand. Kimi and my grandfather followed behind her.

She smiled at me. "Aren't you stunning?"

"It runs in the family." he joked.

"The most beautiful empress Rin has ever seen!"

I smiled. "Thank you, but why are you all out here and not inside?"

Kimi flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Our little human has taken quite a liking to me. She demands that I walk down the aisle throwing petals with her."

Our. It seems Kimi has taken a liking to her too.

He cleared his throat. "I know that in human customs, the father of the bride should walk her down the aisle. Seeing as the role is empty. I would like to fill it ... if you will have me."

He's known me for only a few days and has done more than my own father.

I smiled and held out my arm. "That sounds delightful."

He covered my face with the veil before he slipped his arm into mine. The sound of the music began to play. Kimi and Rin stood in front of us as the doors opened. I took a deep breath and exhaled deeply. I watched the pair of them walk down the aisle together tossing flowers behind them. They made it to the end and went to their spots.

"Your mother would be proud of the woman you've become."

I held back my smile, as we started walking down the aisle. That's when my eyes found him. He stood there, a smile on his lips and in full white. I did not think it was possible for him to look more beautiful; breathtaking even. If not for my grandfathers holding onto me. I would have trip because I was not paying attention to anything else; I couldn't. After what seemed like forever, we'd made it to the end of the aisle. He gave my hand a squeeze before taking his seat next to my grandmother. I took my place across from Sesshomaru. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I felt like a spectacle. I'd jumped from one awkward situation to another. Still, I felt much better speaking with Inuyasha before coming up here. He stood behind Sesshomaru as one of his groomsmen. A lopsided grin on his lips. My eyes found Yukina in her seat next to our father. He was plain-faced. Yukina could not hide her obvious excitement. She beamed from ear to ear in the pews. I did not mind that strangers attended. Most of those who meant something to me were here, that is all that mattered. Most of them, if not all, could probably sense my nervousness. However, it did not seem to bother Sesshomaru. He stood across from me, with a small smile on his lips, and a mischievous look in his eyes. As he patiently waited to hear the vows I had prepared.

I fidgeted under his gaze. Looking at him from afar was one thing, but being this close to him at this moment doubled my nervousness. Part of me wondered if he enjoyed the fact that I was nervous, that he made me nervous. We were to be married in front of all these people and it was nerve-wracking. It was unlike mating. During that, it was only the two of us alone. It was private; for the most part. Here, they were all watching and listening closely. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes. I could feel the blush creeping up my neck. He noticed as well. It only made his smile broaden. I could hear the whispers coming from those in the pews. How perfect and beautiful we looked together. How lucky he was to have found someone so beautiful. How powerful our union would be; how powerful our children would be. I was no stranger to being in the public eye and speaking. So, why did this feel so different? Why was it so difficult for me to say a few words; they were only vows. I tightened my grip on my bouquet, hoping that I would not forget my vows.

"Usually, I have always thought of myself as someone good with their words. Yet somehow at this moment. I am finding it difficult to find them. It feels as though my heart will leap out of my chest." I'd said.

A roar of laughter erupted from the masses. I was unaware I had said something funny. Still, it helped me to relax.

"Still, if it leaped from my chest this very moment. I would not mind if it did. If it meant that I could give it to you."

My heart began to beat faster the moment those words left my mouth. It was out of character for me to say something so... sweet. I could see the shock on his face. He had not expected me to say those words. I was shocked even when I had written them. I swallowed the lump in my throat and willed myself to go on.

"Those who know me would call me unobtainable, but it seems you have caught me."

I said stalling, earning another round of laughter from them. I took a deep breath trying to calm my nerves.

"I have always been alone. It is something that I'd become accustomed to. I'd grown to enjoy my loneliness because it was the only place I felt safe; until you. I knew you were different, because for the first time in a long time. I wanted someone else's company other than that of my sister, or my own; because of you, I've caught myself at times smiling, simply because you crossed my mind. I was unsure how to explain it; the tenderness that I felt for you, but you knew it from the very start. Perhaps I was in denial. Meeting you changed everything. I've spent the majority of my life thinking that love was something that I had to earn. The sort of thing that you fight for and suffer to keep. You've taught me that it is meant to be easy; when it is with. I never knew how to imagine love, nor what to expect from it. All that I know is that you have given me the kind of love that I needed. You have come through for me in ways that no one else has. Most people spend their lives searching for the one person who understands and accepts you. I was lucky enough to meet my person in this lifetime. I thought that things like this only happened in fairytales. That someone like you could only exist in fiction. You have changed my life for the better... and I will spend the rest of my life trying to repay you. I love you, and that frightens me. Even if you and I are not meant to be, I am glad that we are right now. Your presence has impacted me so deeply. I am convinced that if we didn't meet, I would always feel like something was missing from my life."

I inhaled deeply. Once I'd gotten started, the words had spilled out on their own. The room was silent. I wondered if I had said something wrong. Or if I had not said enough. Sesshomaru still had that shocked look on his face. I quickly glanced at everyone in their seats. I noticed the majority of the women had tears in their eyes. I turned my attention to Sesshomaru. His expression was no longer one of shock. The look in his eyes had softened. That is when I felt it in the pit of my stomach. It was as if a dam had been burst open. The warmth that spread throughout me was immense. It was not like before. I could not find the words to describe it. It puts me at ease. So, this is how he felt. It seems I had worried for nothing. He reached out to me, but the moment he had. The priest had cleared his throat.

He smiled. "After such beautifully moving words. I understand your need to hold and kiss her, but we are not yet finished."

Sesshomaru pulled his hand back. He stared into my eyes. It was as if he could see right into my soul. I felt so vulnerable.

"Himiko," he started.

I shivered at the way he'd said my name. I was nervous to hear what he had to say. He was never one to shy away from saying how he felt about me. I already knew how he felt. Everyone else would know and that is what had my stomach in knots.

"To everyone else looking in, I am a cold unfeeling man. They could not be more wrong. Today they will see just how it is I am for you. As I have said to you before, everyone will bear witness to my love and devotion for you."

I could hear women getting emotional at his words.

"From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew it. I felt it. Falling for you was inevitable. I knew you were the woman that I wanted to fall in love with. The woman I would fall in love with; and here I am. Here we are. You exist in my world in a way that no one else does. You are so very special to me. You have plagued my every thought, in the best of ways. Those three years I spent without you were the most agonizing time I have experienced, but it was worth the wait. I would wait forever for you because you are worth it. Fate has been kind to bring you back into my life. I cannot thank the heavens enough for blessing me with you. You are perfection in my eyes. From your smile, your beauty, your intelligence. When I am with you, my heart is so full. The love of thousands could not rival the love that I feel for you. I am nothing but a lovesick fool who wants nothing more than to find thousands of ways to tell you that I love you. You are my most anticipated hello, and my hardest goodbye; but how lucky I am, to have found someone who makes saying goodbye so hard. I cannot think of anyone more deserving of happiness and love than you. There are parts of yourself that you wished to keep hidden from me; out of fear, I'm sure. However, I need you to know this. I love them all because there is not a part of you I could ever be ashamed of. It is a part of who you are and I will not take half of you. I want every part of you. I know that I have told you this many times, but I will tell you as many times as you need to hear it. I have fallen in love with every part of you—centuries from now. Our children will surround us. we will be soul-crushingly in love with one another. We will look back and remember, times like this and wonder what new adventures await us. I would sacrifice everything for you. Before you, I only existed... Now, I am living."

"My heavens, what beautiful vows you two have shared. Possibly the most beautiful and heartfelt I have ever heard."

I could hear the priest speaking, but I paid him no attention. All I could see was Sesshomaru. All he could see was me; I could feel it. There was no one else in the room; not to us. I did not wait for the priest to finish what he was saying. Before I could form a thought. My body was moving on its own. I had dropped the bouquet on the ground and tossed my veil back, in a matter of steps. I was pressed against him, with my arms wrapped around his neck. I kissed him. There was no nervousness; nothing held me back. It was just us. I could feel his arms wrapped around me pulling me closer to him. I pulled away from him slightly. His arms were still wrapped around me. We stared into one another's eyes. It was as if time had stopped. A roar of applause and whistles ripped and echoed throughout the room. The nervousness and embarrassment had crept back in. I pride myself away from him trying to regain myself. I could still feel his eyes on me. They burned holes through me. I could feel it; his love... his desire.

And I knew he could feel mine.

The reception had been moved to the ballroom. I had made a complete fool of myself kissing Sesshomaru that way before exchanging the rings. No doubt he would never let me forget it. I looked down at my empty finger. I was rushing because I desperately wanted to be alone with him. I looked back up searching for Sesshomaru. I had not had a chance to be alone with him yet. My grandparents had been introducing me to their friends. As well as extended members of our family. It was difficult to find him in this sea of people. Especially when we all shared the same hair color. I could feel that he was close, I just could not pinpoint where. I wanted; no, I needed my husband, and pretending to be kind to these strangers was doing nothing for my patience but wearing it down.

"Himiko."

I froze. I would recognize that voice anywhere. He was the last person I wanted to run into. I sighed, turning around.

"Hello, father."

He had been making himself scarce to avoid my grandparents. A smart move on his part. Somehow he had made his way to me, instead of staying by my sister's side.

"You look so different, from when I saw you last my dear," he said, glancing at my ear.

Different he says.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

Father had become a new replacement for the word king. I was keeping up appearances, but the word held no feelings. It was empty.

He gave me a small smile.

"Yukina is off somewhere. Surely making friendships and connections and such. I wandered off on my own to come and find you."

I nodded. "That is a smart move on her part. She is fitting into her role quite well it seems."

"Indeed. Your husband seems to love you very much. I never thought I would live to hear you say such words. Especially not for a man."

How could he know If I was capable of showing love when he had never given me any?

"What do you need from me?"

The question had come out angrier than I had meant it to.

He cleared his throat.

"Is there somewhere we could speak in private?"

I set the bouquet on the table.

"Follow me."

He followed me out into the corridor. We walked for what seemed like forever. We'd found ourselves in a ballroom. In the west wing. My fantasy of sneaking away with Sesshomaru and hiding from the masses seemed as though it would never come true. Today was our day, but I was cornered by my father, on today of all days. I swallowed hard as I listened to the doors shut behind me. Suddenly this large room felt small. It felt like a cage and I was the trapped animal. The tension between us was thick. It always has been. I turned to face him.

"Did you know?" I asked.

I could see the confusion in his eyes.

"That I would turn out this way; a demon."

He nodded. "I knew that there was a possibility. However, I never assumed you would come across a demon strong enough to unlock this side of you. Human or demon, you are still my child Himiko; my blood."

His blood. Even though he treated me as a stranger all these years.

He had a strange look on his face. A look I had not seen before. He had never looked at me this way.

"You look beautiful, Himiko. I wish your mother could have been here to see the beautiful woman you have grown into."

I could see his eyes lingering on the necklace, before prying them away.

"Thank you," I said dryly.

He pulled up a chair and sat in front of me.

"I must admit. I was unsure if I should have come here today. I did not want my presence to ruin such a special day for you... but I needed to see you. However, by your reaction to my being here. I can see that I have made the wrong choice."

"I do not know what you mean." I lied.

He gave me a sad smile. "You have never been a liar, Himiko. There is no need to start now."

"It seems to be a family trait," I said coldly.

"You have always kept your composure. You have been like this since childhood; very mature."

"I did not ask to be mature. It was forced upon me."

I was losing what little composure I had left. I did not want to be angry. Not on this day, but he was making it very difficult.

"You are angry, and you wish to be alone."

Damn right, I am angry.

"That much is evident father. I am my father's daughter after all. All these years of being alone, mixed with rage. It has become a deadly combination."

He looked down at his hands in his lap. "You hate me."

"I do not hate you. I have never hated you. I have never yearned for someone's love as much as I have yours." I whispered harshly. "Throughout the years you have only spared me a glance. I had to survive off those crumbs of attention sustaining myself on it. It made me feel pathetic. Since I left that place, I have been trying to recover from the things you should have protected me from. So yes, I am angry. You were supposed to protect me. So why didn't you?"

I could see the pained look on his face.

"There is no excuse, Himiko."

"Exactly. There is no excuse. When I was a child I looked up to you. I made all of the excuses for you. He is a king, I told myself. He is too preoccupied with running a kingdom. He has no time to save me, to pay me some minuscule amount of attention. I was blinded by the unconditional love of a child. I thought you were so strong, but now I see you are weak. Only a weak man would do what you have done. You were there. You knew what she was doing to me; that woman and yet you did nothing. You stayed with her! Had children with her! You were there. Even present, you were still absent."

I could see his eyes beginning to gloss over.

I did not care for his tears. Just as he never cared for mine.

"I only wish for you to speak to me. Forgive me, accept my apology. So that I can make this right." he begged.

"You wish for me to speak to you? Alright. You have learned nothing. I thought that I could do this. That your words were a start, but no. You show up here only thinking of yourself; of what you want. I do not accept your apology. You do not go twenty-plus years not showing an ounce of remorse. Until someone else pointed out your terrible actions to you. You could not even find it in yourself to pretend to be sorry back then, because that is how little you paid attention. I was never enough for you. I did not matter to you, and that has hurt me. It has cut me so deeply you cannot begin to understand. I walk around with this pain wearing it like an invisible scar. That only I can see. I will not forgive you. I will hold onto this rage and resentment because it is all I have had all these years. You are here. You can say you have tried, but it is too late."

"It is never too late, Himiko. It is never too late to be what I could have been. Yukina taught me that."

"Do you even love me?"

The question had caught him off guard.

"Your hesitation is enough of an answer. The only love you are capable of feeling is for a ghost. She is gone! But I have been here this entire time... but that has never mattered to you. It is too late. I do not want nor do I need you!"

I was shaking. My blood boiled. The double doors flew open. Inuyasha stood there. A frantic look in his eyes, the moment he had seen me. He could see it. I was seconds away from breaking. I felt my knees give out underneath me. In a matter of seconds. He was by my side holding me up. I felt as though I would fall apart at any given second.

"Get the hell out of here! Can't you see she doesn't want you here !?"

My father shot up to his feet.

"Watch your mouth boy!"

"Get your ass out of here before I get my brother. NOW!"

He balled up his fists at his sides and stormed out of the room. I watched him walk away disappearing down the long corridor. When he was finally gone. I stepped away from Inuyasha. I'd only made it a few steps before I fell to my knees. I tried to take a deep breath, but the sound that came out of me was not normal. It was animalistic. My throat felt raw after screaming. I hadn't realized I started crying until my tears landed on the backs of my hands. I tried to rub them away, but they would not stop. I buried my face in my hands. My body shook violently with each sob. I hadn't cried like this since I was a child.

My stomach felt sick. I hated seeing her this way. I knew there was nothing I could do for her. I understand just how deep this kind of pain went. I had been there. She would have to let it out. Holding it in would do her more harm than good. I could hear someone coming. We both looked up and saw Sesshomaru was coming.

"Lock the door. I do not want him to see me like this." she cried.

One look at her scared face was all it took. I rushed out into the hallway. I made sure to lock the doors behind me. I hooked my arms in the door handles behind my back. He rushed up to me and grabbed me by the collar.

"Get out of my way."

I shook my head. "I can't do that Sesshomaru."

"She is in pain, Inuyasha. You do not understand. I need to see her."

I could hear the whine in his voice.

"I believe you. I do... but she doesn't want you to see her like this. She told me to lock the door, Sesshomaru."

His arms dropped to his sides. I could hear Himiko crying in the room. That meant he could too. He looked back at me.

"I could rip you away from the door; break your arms. Even knock you unconscious."

"If that's what you want to do, then go ahead. That's your choice, but this is her choice, Sesshomaru."

I could see his jaw clenching. Red started to show up in his eyes.

Shit.

"Was it Kenji?" he asked.

"Kenji?"

"Her father. Was it him? Did he do this?"

I could tell he was trying to hold onto the small amount of self-control he had left.

I nodded. "It was him."

"I will kill him."

"That will start a war, Sesshomaru. You're willing to go that far. There is another way. Think about how it will look to attack her home kingdom. Attacking the innocent people she loves and used to live for."

"Yes! I would go that far. I love her to the point of war. I would sacrifice everything for her. As well as anyone. If that makes me a terrible ruler, so be it. I do not care, because without her I have nothing. I am supposed to protect her!"

This wasn't the Sesshomaru that I was used to. The one who only cared about himself. The one that killed anyone that got on his bad side. The demon in front of me now was scared and wanted to be near the woman he loved. She let out another cry. It punched me in the gut. I could see the look on his face. He wasn't angry anymore. His face was all twisted in pain. She was his; his wife, his mate. It didn't matter how much pain I felt for her. He would always feel worse. He looked me in the eyes.

"Inuyasha please."

I never thought he would say those words to me. I hung my head low and sighed.

I looked up at him.

"Dammit. Do not make me regret this Sesshomaru."

I pulled my arms out the door handles and stepped to the side. He didn't waste any time rushing into that room. I closed the door behind him. I walked away from the door. I didn't need to hear their private conversation going on.

I hope Himiko isn't going to be upset with me for this.