"Well that's fucking horrifying," said Lisa sympathetically, patting my shoulder. "Yeah, I think I'd rather spend a night with Lung than those three. But Mrs Knott is right about one thing, there are psychopaths everywhere. That's just the world. It's the teachers, the principals, the other students, your par- the people who saw what was happening, and didn't stop it, that's what really puts my mood in the shitter. Can't say I'm surprised though. Most folks are real hesitant to talk, don't want to be seen as a tattletale- not me. I take pride in making the truth come to light- whatever anyone thinks. Look, I don't like to brag, but I'm pretty good at handling situations like this, legally or-"

I shook my head. "Her dad's a lawyer. Even the school is afraid of persecuting her. One of my teachers admitted it."

"It makes me sick," said Brian, a tall Black man who I found difficult to look at. Was I leering? Drooling? I was acting normal right? I knew that getting self-conscious would only make the situation worse, but I didn't have a lot of experience talking to guys even half as hot as he was. "That you couldn't sue the school for all this. But you were right to settle. The courts in Brockton Bay aren't any better than your school's administration. That said, you should take Lisa's help. I don't care how good her dad is, Lisa would rip him apart in minutes."

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe that someone, anyone, actually cared. But this felt like Emma's work: get me to open up, get me to think I had a friend, only for them to betray me. She'd done it to me twice before. The possibility of a third terrified me more than a confrontation with Jack Slash himself. It also didn't make any sense logically. Lisa had found me just after I'd fought Lung, in the heart of ABB territory, near a burning building. Who'd risk their life for me, even if it was to hurt me?

They would, a part of me whispered, sounding like Emma in my ear. Lisa, Brian, and Alec. They'd betray me. Nobody had ever actually liked me. Even before the bullying, I'd only been shielded by my connection to Emma. And Mom and Dad, they'd just felt obligated to care for me because they were my parents. And once Mom died, Dad was too tired to keep up the fiction. There was something in me, something ugly. Nobody could ever like me.

Oh god, I was being setup wasn't I? Fuck, how had she done it? How'd I let this happen to me again?

"These fries suck ass," Alec complained bitterly, pushing around his food like a pouting toddler. "Greasy and floppy. Fugly Bob's makes some fugly fries, what a waste of time."

Brian punched Alec in the arm.

Alec sighed. "Oh yes. I'm supposed to be pretending to be sympathetic to the suicidal girl's teenage drama. Awful! Horrible! Positively dreadful! Seriously, why am I here again? Shouldn't we be out recrui-"

Brian punched him in the arm a little harder.

But I liked Alec. He felt like the only one I could trust.

Lisa sighed, and rubbed her eyes. "Right. Excellent point Alec. How could I have forgotten that you have the emotional range of a two-year-old?"

Alec sulkily mopped up some ketchup with his fries, and flicked the glop at Lisa like a toddler. Even though he wasn't my type, I could still say he was one of the most beautiful boys I'd ever seen. How had Emma even convinced Lisa to do all this? Lisa certainly didn't need any help attracting boys, she'd already surrounded herself with eyecandy. Was it just the sport of it? Did popular, beautiful girls just get a kick out of torturing me?

"Seriously though," said Alec. "Why kill yourself? Those three girls, especially that one who used to be your friend- they're the ones you should hate. I could hook you up with a gun if you needed one. If you're planning on ending it, you may as well take them with you."

"Is that it?" I asked bitterly. "Is that your angle? You're trying to set me up. You think I'm really the type of person who is capable of shooting up a school? Nice try, and I'll give you points for creativity, but I know what you're trying to do. I'm never, ever going to shoot up the school. I'm not that kind of person!"

"Yes you are," said Lisa, smirking at me lazily. "No matter how much you deny it, I know that you're perfectly capable of shooting up a school, of killing a few bullies. You can lie to yourself; you can't lie to me."

"Emma sent you, didn't she?" I asked bitterly, furious that I'd bothered to call. Furious that I'd let them get one over on me again. "Well she doesn't know me as well as she thinks she does! I'm not a killer!"

"Tell that to Lung," said Lisa with relish.

…What?

She knew? She knew?

I let out a breath. Oh thank god. If Emma and Sophia were the height of popularity at Winslow, these guys were the major leagues of cool. The type of kids that were filmed on reality shows, because of their charisma and beauty. And I was Taylor Hebert. The girl they thought was suicidal. I could be on tv too, but I'd be the type they'd make a PSA about. An archetypical victim, so obviously pathetic that the show wouldn't have to waste time establishing that I was the type of loser who'd get bullied.

It hadn't made any sense that they'd want to be friends with me, even out of sympathy. I knew what people were like. It had been beaten into me. Two years of bullying, not a single student stood up for me, not a single teacher, not even Dad had noticed. It had all culminated in the locker. What had bothered me most wasn't the used tampons, it wasn't the bloody pads, it wasn't the bugs biting and crawling, it wasn't how my nails had bent and torn when I clawed against unforgiving metal, it wasn't how my lungs had burned as my cage slowly asphyxiated me, it was the crushing realization that not a single person was going to help that had broken me. The indisputable proof that everyone agreed with Emma, I was better off dead.

People didn't care about right and wrong. They only cared about themselves.

But now I was a cape. I had something to offer.

Now I understood why they'd contacted me. Well, why Lisa had contacted me. Alec had fallen out of his chair, and Brian had dropped his cheeseburger onto his lap. They clearly hadn't known.

"You knew? I asked. "Is that why… Is that why you were so interested in me?"

It should've made me angry. She was using me. A cape to make her regular life more interesting. Instead I just felt relief. Because Lisa was probably the single coolest person I'd ever met. She was pretty, stylish, and had a way of making you feel like you were the center of the world. The type of person who could be the most popular girl in school; and yet inspire no jealousy- because everyone just agreed that she should be the queen bee. It hadn't made any sense that someone like her would actually care about someone like me.

But if she knew I was a cape?

I think I actually preferred it to her just taking a liking to some aspect of my personality. Look, it was pathetic, I know, but I didn't know how to handle a friendship. But a cape and a fan- that was an easy relationship to understand. I gave her an entry to the glamorous world of capes, and she gave me companionship and a sympathetic ear. I knew exactly what she wanted from me, what I had to give her to keep her from turning on me. God, I was lame. I hated myself for accepting this abomination of a relationship, but I'd lost any shred of self respect long ago.

"I'd be lying if I denied that it was an element,'' said Lisa with a vulpine smile, getting out an Alexandria lunchbox. "After I saw you, I did what anyone would do, and investigated the big ass fire. Saw Lung, or rather didn't see Lung, saw the ABB gangbangers on the ground, and well… I can't just decide not to be a genius, so I made the connection, even if it corrupted what really would have been a pure relationship. Am I correct in my assumption that you are the one who finally saved the city from Lung?"

I should've denied it. Logically, it was the smart thing to do. I barely knew them. Naturally, I did the opposite of what a smart person would do and told them everything.

"Look," I said. "I know it sounds like I was committing suicide by cape, but I really did think I could pull it off."

"So what?" Asked Brian, his voice quivering in suppressed anger. "Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Lots of capes could probably take out Lung, but none of them are stupid enough to go out of their way to try it. It was reckless and stupid."

"I'm still here aren't I?" I asked defensively. I'd finally opened myself up, and the first thing was criticism? Not even about the dubious ethics of my actions, but about the intelligence of them? That actually hurt. Of all my faults, I'd never considered myself stupid. "Besides, it would've been a lot easier to ignore him if he hadn't been planning on killing a bunch of kids. I couldn't exactly leave them, could I?"

"You could've," Brian growled. "You should've. Not your problem. Capes like you die quick."

Oh well fuck you too. I'd saved some kids. I'm sure that they would disagree that their lives were worthless.

"I think you did a wonderful thing saving those innocent children," said Alec gleefully. "Why Taylor, I do believe I've misjudged you. I can see now why Lisa was so insistent on me coming. I do hope we see more of you. Having a true hero for a friend will be utterly, what's the word? Ah yes, convenient."

I felt like he was mocking me. Perhaps I deserved it.

"It wasn't really about the children," I admitted.

"No,"Alec drawled. "Well, agree to disagree. I consider the lives of those precious children the only important thing in your story. Or well, the life of one of the children. Brian agrees with me by the way- but it's his life's purpose to be a killjoy."

"It wasn't about saving children, it was about sending a message to the villains," I said, standing on my metaphorical soap box. I'd done a lot of thinking after I'd killed Lung, about the fundamental problems in Brockton Bay: why they hadn't been fixed and how I could solve them. "Look, I know it's hard to believe, but I've done the research. There are almost twice as many new villains as heroes. Why? It's not because they're evil. It's because we're letting it happen. Yeah there's birdcage, but unless you're out murdering folks you're not getting sent there, and a normal jail can't hold a cape. They don't even reveal the secret identities of captured capes- not even for the really bad guys, I've been watching the news and they never mention it! Like hello, why are we protecting these pieces of shit? It's as if our system is trying to turn people into villains! And you'd think, okay then being a hero has gotta come with some perks right? No! The average ward only makes about a hundred grand annually, that's about as much as a part-time fry cook at McDonald's. And then you've got all the redtape and PR stuff to worry about, not to mention everyone second guessing every decision you make. Let a villain go and you're too soft, hurt them and you're a thug, go on news shows and you're only in it for the fame, work quietly and you're a snob. Being a hero kinda sucks, is it any wonder so many more capes go villain?"

Lisa's smile dropped, and her eyes widened like she'd just realized something important.

I continued, encouraged that I was reaching her. "So most new parahumans take the easy way out, because let's face it; it's the better deal and most people don't really care about morals. We like to think we do the right thing because of our conscience. Bullshit. We only care about doing the right thing when there are consequences for doing the wrong thing, whether it be social or legal. I've seen it. I'm not talking about Emma or Sophia, I'm talking about all the other kids who jumped on the opportunity to kick me while I was down. Being a good person is just a tool to gain social capital, and if being righteous doesn't earn you popularity, the average person won't do it. If you were a cape, you'd probably be a villain, the statistics are what they are for a reason, don't pretend you'd be any different. I'm not sure why Eidolin or Alexandria don't clean up the mess. But I can guess. I think it's because they've been capes for so long, they just see it all as training for the Endbringers, and just let the little farce go on and on. They've forgotten what it's like for the little guy. Most of the ABB gangbangers I hurt yesterday probably weren't even bad people. They just got caught up in Lung and Oni Lee's orbit. Everybody thinks about the capes, about all the circumstances that makes them go villain, rationalize them as stabilizing, but we've forgotten about the victims. The average citizens being trampled by all the fighting, the underlings who'd never have turned to crime if they didn't see the villains glamorizing it. Lung was just the start. I'll probably go after Kaiser next. Then Hookwolf, then Skidmark, and on and on until every last villain in Brockton Bay is dead. I'll probably just have to kill five or six of them, until all but the worst of them reform or go elsewhere. They aren't bad people, they're just doing what's best for them, and in this case it's crime. Crime should be dangerous, it should kinda suck to be a villain, and that's what I'm going to make happen."

Lisa put away her lunchbox. Brian slouched into his seat. Alec looked overjoyed.

"Well said," said Alec seriously. "I've been around a lot more villains than most people. Most have their justifications, but they're merely shallow rationalizations. Delusions to justify their monstrous cravings. Frankly I find it tedious to listen to. They're all scum, and they'd do well to just admit that to themselves. They deserve to die, each and every one of them. I, for one, would be happy to support you on your noble quest."

"Interesting thoughts," said Lisa, her smile slightly less radiant. "But have you considered switching your target? The ABB knows what you did, and they're going to want revenge. Take out Oni Lee first, then switch to Kaiser and the Empire unless you find out about someone worse. The ABB is a cornered animal right now. They're going to lash out and hurt a lot of people if you don't put them down right now. Also, I'm pretty sure the tinker you mentioned earlier was Bakuda. Nasty thing. Tried to blow up Cornell. Absolutely someone you're going to want to take down."

"And there it is!" Alec laughed, and slapped Lisa on the back. "You really are amusing Ta- Lisa. This is why I agreed to follow you."

I smiled shyly. "Thanks for the advice. I'll look into Bakuda. You're… It's so great that I don't have to do this on my own. After everything that happened with Emma, it's nice to have someone I can trust again."

Lisa smiled cheerfully. "You bet."

Brian glared at the two of them, but said nothing.

"Listen," said Lisa. "When you go out on your missions, let me know. That way, if anything happens, we can let your dad know and get him into hiding. I can help you Taylor, but you need to let me in. Tell me where you're going, what you're doing, and I can act as your operations manager."

A nagging suspicion sparked in the back of my mind. Something about our first meeting, when her kind words had pushed me from the brink after I fought Lung, some detail I was missing… No, no, I was just reluctant because of everything that had happened with Emma. It sucked. But I needed to move past it, not let her ruin every relationship I ever had going forward.

"Okay," I said.

"So we're a team," said Lisa.

"We're a team," said Alec.

"Yeah," I breathed, wiping my eyes. "We're a team."

For now at least, I had friends. It would be a fun illusion while it lasted.

"Fuck this," said Brian sourly. Which was naturally less than five seconds. Fuck my life for real. "I can't go along with this. Taylor, if you start hunting down villains, you're gonna make a lot of people angry. All the capes in the city will become your enemy. They'll put aside their differences to take you down. All the villains. And all the heroes. Lisa, Alec, I'm disappointed in you. We all know damn well that this is only going to end one way."

Alec ignored him. "So I've been wondering Tay, those portals of yours, can you really only make two? Seems like quite the limitation."

"Well, no," I admitted. "I can technically make two pairs of stamps, but it's really not worth it. I kinda… lose control of it. With two sets, I can lose track of my stamps for hours at a time, and then I can't use any of them, nor replace or deactivate them. I become powerless."

Trapped. Stuck. Like I had been in the locker.

"It makes my power unreliable," I said. "Even if everything goes perfectly, the range and weight limits of the stamps are halved. But with one set, I can win, as long as I've planned ahead. Further practice with two sets is a waste of time."

"One set it is," said Lisa. "But Tay, Alec is right. As you saw with Lung, plans don't always work out no matter how well conceived. If you can't fight with two sets of portals, you'd be wise to find some capes who wouldn't mind working with you. Even villains if you have to. It doesn't have to be permanent, but just… If they're in the area, and they're not doing anything too bad, consider talking with them to see if your goals might temporarily align. The cover they can provide will save your life, and the information they might have is priceless. Not all the villains are going to be broadcast on the news Taylor, some of the nastiest in the city are content to lurk in the shadows. Others may be willing to turn to your side if you free a hostage, or kill their leader. Nobody can change the world on their own. If you want to make a difference, you're going to need some friends."

I smiled. "I have you."

Lisa nodded. "You do. And don't forget it girl. Don't ever forget it."

Brian scowled. "She's playing you Taylor… And I won't have it. She's just after you for your powers. If she cared, she'd tell you how fucking crazy you're being. You're going to die- you know that right?"

"Probably," I admitted. I didn't care that Lisa was playing me. At least she'd been honest. She hadn't had to tell me she'd known I was a cape, but she'd done so anyway. I was well aware she was only using me for my powers, why else would she care about a pathetic little nobody like me? As for my inevitable death, that bothered me even less. "But it doesn't matter. This is what the city needs, and nobody else is going to do it."

"It isn't your responsibility," said Brian. "Far as I can tell, the city's fucked you over. You don't owe it a damn thing."

"I'm not doing it for the city," I said firmly. "I'm doing it for me. This is my purpose. It's why I was given these powers. It's why I had to go through what I went through."

"You were given your powers because your best friend shoved you in a locker and left you to die," said Brian coldly. "It's called a trigger event. A cape gets their powers on the worst day of their life."

"I… How do you know all this?"

"Yeah," asked Lisa. "How do you know all this, Brian? Care to explain to me? To Everywhere?"

"Because I'm a bad guy. A criminal…" Brian glared at Lisa and Alec. "I've worked with villains who would make your stomach turn, Taylor. They've got no honor. No decency. They'd rip you apart before you even knew what happened to you. And they wouldn't think twice about it."

"Why?" I asked.

"Some are evil and greedy, but most of them are just desperate," said Brian. "It's a dangerous world, and they don't feel like they've got a choice. They think killing each other is the only option. Like you do."

"No," I said. "I meant why did you become a criminal?"

"Oh god, this will be tedious," Alec drawled. "You remember what I said about delusions and rationalizations?"

Brian scowled. "He's not wrong, and it also doesn't matter. Remember what I said about trigger events? Every cape is going to have a sob story. You fall for it and you're dead. I've been in the business a long time, with people who could kill me before I could blink. Survival isn't about how good you are at fighting, nor about your powers. It's about being careful. You're a meticulous planner, which is good, but that's not as important as knowing when to say no. The most important skill you can learn is how to recognize a bad idea. Taylor, this is a really, really bad idea."

"Oh no you don't," said Lisa angrily. "I'm not letting you off that easy. I didn't know you were a criminal Brian. You're not going to gloss over that. You'd better have a damn good reason or we're through."

"Fuck you Lisa," said Brian. "You need me."

"I really don't," said Lisa. "So you'd better explain, or we're done."

"I beat up a man who deserved it," said Brian, folding his arms. "Found myself on the wrong side of the law. Needed money, and being a thug was the only way to get it. And so here I am."

"Cute." Lisa shook her head. "Try again."

Brian ground his teeth angrily.

"No, no, it's enough for me," I said quickly. "Look, you might not believe me, but I'm actually doing this for people like you. The law can't be effective when a whole subset of the population can openly make a mockery of it. When the law isn't effective, people like you have to take justice into your own hands. And in a world like that, businesses can't thrive, so people need money more than ever, and there aren't any opportunities to make money legally. It's because nobody but capes can police capes, and the heroes are more interested in PR and seeming chivalrous than actually bringing justice to the villains ruining the city for everyone."

"You're just wrong," said Brian, standing. "If you think removing the gangs will make a damn bit of difference. If you want to fix Brockton Bay, kill Leviathan so our import export business can return. And while you're at it, go back and keep Simurgh from nuking the world's tech sector into oblivion and giving us a two-year nuclear winter, keep Behemoth from destroying the stock market in New York, keep Leviathan from sinking Japan and flooding the bay with refugees. You're right, the capes are the problem. The strongest more than any. Behemoth. Leviathan. Simurgh. As long as they're in the picture, nothing's getting fixed. End the Endbringers if you want to save the world. If you can't do that, then just survive like the rest of us."

I hung my head. Who was I to lecture him about the criminal underworld? He was more familiar with it than I was.

Well…

I was me.

I was allowed to have an opinion.

"Brian, sit down," I said quietly, a frigid focus clarifying my thoughts. "I don't resent my classmates for not pushing back on my bullies publicly. Emma, Sophia, Madison, they're the queens of the school. If anyone opposed them, they'd have it just as bad as me. But they could've met the principal anonymously. They could've tipped off a teacher with a note on the back of their assignment. Maybe they couldn't have saved me, but they could've helped. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to save the world. I'm not trying to save Brockton Bay. I'm just trying to do what I can to help. Giving up because I can't fix everything is an excuse. It would be cowardice. And I'm not a coward. Are you?"

Brian stared at me. "I'm a survivor."

He left.

Well, that was probably fair.

"Running away, that'll show her," Alec yelled after him. "And he's gone. Well, that's a shame."

I groaned.

Brian probably thought I was a murderous psychopath. In some ways I was. I wasn't particularly concerned about killing Kaiser or Skidmark, and I still didn't feel any regret over what I'd done to Lung, but my guns blazing approach would get a lot more dubious when it came to their henchmen. And I didn't really want to think about trying to justify killing minor villains like Uber and Leet, whose vile string of robberies consisted solely of arcades whose cabinets they'd considered subpar derivative trash. In my defense, those problems would solve themselves when I inevitably bit the dust. It was all a misunderstanding. I must've exaggerated how easy it had been to take out Lung. To somebody who didn't know me, I may have actually seemed like a powerful cape, instead of a loser whose plans always blew up in her face. Come to think of it, maybe I preferred him thinking of me as some burgeoning supervillain to my actual pitiable self.

I still liked him well enough. He'd stood by his beliefs. I could respect that. As proof that my feelings were pure: Even if he wasn't so hot, I'd have respected it.

"He'll be back," said Lisa. "So tell me Taylor?"

What now? Cape names? Code protocol? Ideas for revenue streams?

"Do you need any help with your homework?"

Oh, that was significantly more mundane than I expected. Kinder too. It was almost as if she actually cared about me. It was really gonna suck when she inevitably turned on me, but for now, I really appreciated the illusion of friendship.

ooOoo

One more thing to do. A decision I'd made, after my disastrous fight with Lung.

My dad got back from work.

I hesitated.

"Hey dad?" I asked. "I need to talk to you about something."

"Yeah kiddo?" Asked dad, a hint of nervousness in his voice. "I'm all ears. You can tell me anything, you know that right? I'm always on your side."

Sure. I had my doubts. I know he'd once loved me, I know he thought he still did, but… He didn't even know me anymore. He didn't know that Emma had turned on me, he didn't know I was being bullied, he didn't know that I was a cape.

He didn't know that I killed a man. I'd killed a man and not felt guilty. Worried obviously, but I'd honestly felt more guilty about my lack of guilt. But even that was waning. I'd killed a man, I planned on killing more, and I thought it was the right thing to do because I'd learned that there was no justice in our justice system.

So yeah.

Know all that, then tell me you love me.

"I don't know quite how to say this," I admitted. Alright, just spit it out Taylor. You know you're gonna have to eventually, so do it now- because waiting is just gonna get you hurt.

"But do you want to play catch some time? I want to try out for the softball team."